a/n: I haven't written in a while but have this. I wrote it really quickly and barely edited it but hopefully you like it? There might be another fic coming too if I can finish it!

It was strange, Ron not being there. Hermione had gotten used to being with him in their six years of Hogwarts and even over the summer, he was usually only a letter away. She'd gotten used to him constantly being nearby in the time they'd been searching for Horcruxes, and she'd gotten used to the sound of Harry and Ron sleeping nearby in the tent. But now, now she hadn't been able to talk to him since he left.

They had six years of experience in the Hospital Wing, waiting for an unconscious Harry to finally wake up. Between Quidditch accidents and Voldemort, he spent more time there than, as far as she knew, any student in history. That wasn't one of the facts in Hogwarts, A History and she considered writing to the author to suggest that it be added- then she remembered that Bathilda Bagshot was dead, and that had been the beginning of this whole mess. She ought to have known that the sword wouldn't be in Godric's Hollow, and now Harry might be dying. Not to mention his broken wand, which if- when- he woke up would surely destroy him. Without a wand, he would be defenseless. And she knew his wand meant more to him than that, because she had grown up in the muggle world as well, and the wand symbolized that they were special, not weird. Harry's wand proved that he was magic, and now he'd lost it.

She felt herself beginning to spiral, and usually Ron would notice and crack a joke or lean against her casually to ground her and usually Madame Pomfrey would be there to reassure her that Harry was healing and usually they were safe in Hogwarts where she could trust that Dumbledore would protect them. But Dumbledore was dead and Voldemort had Hogwarts and Ron was gone.

She thought about him eating Harry's sweets their first year, standing with Ron and the Quidditch team and Harry's broom in third, their shared fear after Voldemort returned and Harry looked so weak. She could almost feel him there, beside her, because that was where he should be. That was where he always was. But now she was alone.

Ron had left them, left her, and she knew it was mostly because of the horcrux but he'd always been hotheaded and she couldn't help but wonder if he would have left anyway. She wondered if he would have left even if they had delicious food, even if they had the sword, even if they had a better plan. She wondered if he would have left if she had talked to him instead of Harry.

Because maybe she had been paying more attention to Harry, who was like her brother, but he was the one with insight into Voldemort's mind, however much she wished he would practice his Occlumency. Harry was the one who had spoken to Dumbledore, even if he truly believed that there was no new information to be found. So, since they were looking for horcruxes, she talked to him even though she knew that Ron had been wearing the Horcrux too long, even though Ron meant more to her than he would ever know.

And maybe that was why she didn't risk talking to him. If she were alone with Ron for too long, she would tell him how she felt, and then he might reject her or they might both have so much more to lose. Maybe it was better this way, without her feelings to distract her from the horcruxes.

But in that moment, with Harry looking half dead on the bed and no end to the horcrux hunt in sight, Hermione would have given anything to have Ron next to her. She didn't know if she could handle this without him.

She remembered sixth year, when Ron had been the one in the Hospital Wing, and her shoulders shook as she finally let herself cry. Anything could have happened to him and she wouldn't know. He could be somewhere, pale as snow, poisoned. He could be in a dungeon somewhere. He could be hurt, or dying. The thought almost made her give up. She thought of going to Australia, finding her parents, bringing Harry somewhere with the sun to help him heal, and leaving England and Voldemort behind forever.

She thought of giving herself up to Voldemort because she couldn't bear living without her two best friends. She thought of giving up magic or giving up on the hunt for horcruxes and looking for Ron instead. She thought of leaving Harry on his own, only for a moment, and then she hated herself for thinking it.

She was Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of her age, and she had to try. She would see Ron again someday, and when she did she would smack him for leaving and then never let him go again.