Soft taps echoed through the oak door, pulling me from the throes of sleep. Without thinking, I stretched my arms out beside me, reaching for Draco. But my fingers only clutched at empty air, and the door creaked open regardless.
"Tori?"
It wasn't Draco, but Daphne who whispered my name. My eyelids fluttered a few times as I blinked away my grogginess. A glow of amber seeped through the bedroom, emitting from the candles somebody else had lit. How long had I been asleep?
"Are you okay?" she asked, closing the door behind her with a gentle thud.
Stars formed behind my eyes as I rubbed them. "I think so. What is it?"
She walked quickly to my side, the hem of her khaki trousers dragging against the threadbare carpet. The mattress sagged a little where she sat cross-legged. She brought a jagged thumbnail to her lips and chewed anxiously. It was rare to see my sister so rattled.
"Daph?" I asked, my vision sharpening back to normal. "What's going on?"
"I need to talk to you," she mumbled.
"Okay."
"You're not going to like it."
I struggled not to roll my eyes. "When do I ever like it?"
I earned a weak smile. "Do you remember when we were children, and you would sneak into my room at night? Because you were scared a dementor would be hiding beneath your bed?"
"How could I forget," I grumbled. I remembered more clearly the chastising I would earn, the words Daphne would hiss at me to make me leave.
"I'm sorry I was so rude to you." Daphne placed her hands in her lap. "The truth is, I care about you more than anybody else in this world. I always have."
I had no idea where she was going with this. Unsure how to respond, I reached out a delicate palm and patted her on the shoulder. Perhaps she had drunk too much firewhiskey, or had a falling out with Rob.
"And that's why I have to ask you… Please take the treatments. All of them, Tori."
The meaning behind her words slowly sunk in. My eyes roamed the thin duvet as I struggled for a way to decline without causing an argument. I knew how strong-willed Daphne could be. I knew she didn't like to hear the word no.
"Well, I can hardly turn up at Laurens Deau's office right now, given the way things are." I saw Daphne's shoulders tighten. This needed diffusing. "I'll need my blood checked when… once things have calmed down. I'll talk to him about it then. Okay?"
"You might not have that sort of time," she protested. "You haven't been following his care instructions, you've landed yourself in St Mungo's again already… Tori, I'm scared. I'm really scared for you. To stop your monthly bleeding would add two years, Laurens said. At this stage, I just don't see how you'll manage without it."
"There are other treatments," I said, trying to divert. "I'll bet there's an owl with the details waiting at home as we speak. I'll try them first, and then-
"You're in denial!" Daphne shrieked, her outburst dimming half the candles in the room. Her face was now shrouded in half-darkness. "You are in such denial! All you care about is chasing after bloody Draco, and look where that's got you!"
I recoiled from her words. Each one became a dagger, the size of a toothpick, stabbing repeatedly at my heart.
"There's more to life than Draco fucking Malfoy, Tori. You can't keep pining after him, slowly killing yourself all for some ill-conceived notion that he would have babies with you," she said in disgust. "You're penniless, and if mother and father take back the house — which could be any day now — homeless, to boot. You're one bad apparition away from dying. How on earth do you expect to carry a child, much less birth one?"
I flushed a deep shade of crimson. "I'm not expecting to carry a child, Daphne. I just want to keep my options open."
"You won't have any options if you're dead," she hissed.
Tears pricked at my eyes, running together until I had to blink to keep them from falling. In true Daphne form, she had managed to nail every insecurity of mine on the head. Insecurities I didn't even know existed. Was I in denial? Probably. But how else was I supposed to be? How does somebody stop denying the fact they are dying, that one day in the very near future their heart will simply cease to beat, and all the blood will drain from their body until none remains? How the hell was I supposed to prepare for that? She had made it sound like I was obsessed with reproducing, desperate to have Draco's children. That couldn't be further from the truth, but if that was truly how I had come across… a flush spread across my cheeks once more.
"Get out." My voice shook, but still I spoke. "Get out now."
"Tori, you're making a huge mistake."
"Get out!" I screeched, brandishing my wand threateningly. "Or I will curse you into a toad and squish you myself!"
Daphne's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't dare," she said, pulling her own wand free.
"Try me," I growled.
Daphne opened her lips in fury, the words for some spell forming behind them. With barely enough time to consciously form a counter-spell, I simply slashed my wand through the air, pure energy and anger determining the outcome. Our jinxes met and rebounded, bouncing off the walls. Mine, a jet of silver, caused the bedside lamp to erupt in prickly spikes all over.
"A sea urchin jinx?" Daphne hissed. "You tried to curse me with the sea urchin jinx?"
I felt the blood drain from my face. "I didn't mean to, I-
"Fuck you, Tori!" she yelled. "I have stood by your side through everything. Now, you're on your fucking own."
Before I could respond, the door creaked open and Draco entered. With wide eyes, he glanced between us both.
Draco took in the scene before him, utterly bewildered. His brain was still trying to sift through everything Zabini had told him, and make sense of all the dangers, all the developments he had to learn in a time so short. And clearly, with the disgust on Daphne's face and the pain on Tori's, this was one of them.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"Don't worry, Draco," Daphne hissed, "your precious Astoria's just fine. After all, the rest of us could be murdered by Death Eaters tomorrow and she wouldn't even notice, since you're so wrapped up in a little world of your own."
Draco blinked. What the fuck had happened between them?
"Just go, Daph." Tears streamed down Astoria's face. "Please just leave."
Daphne looked as though she wanted to say more, but ultimately respected Tori's wishes enough to leave. When the door had slammed shut, Draco found himself alone with Astoria. He hesitated for the words to say, scared to upset her further. Fresh teardrops were forming at an alarming rate already, and Draco felt utterly clueless as to how to comfort her.
"What happened?" he asked, shifting awkwardly on his feet.
Tori shook her head, wiping the tears from her face. "It's nothing."
He cleared his throat. Waited for further words she wouldn't speak. "It's clearly not nothing." He sat beside her on the bed and took her hand between his own.
She only took a deep, shuddering breath, crumbling once more. Her shoulders jerked beneath Draco's arm as he wrapped it around her, kissing her forehead and willing her to calm down.
"It's stupid, really," she finally sobbed. "It's so stupid."
"Tell me," Draco commanded. "You know I can find out regardless, if I really want to."
A hint of steel returned to Astoria's eyes. "You wouldn't dare."
Truthfully, she was right. He wouldn't use legilimency against her again, not unless it was absolutely essential. But he hoped she wouldn't call his bluff. And she didn't.
"It's just… there's a treatment. For my malediction." She mumbled the words shyly, as she always did when speaking of her condition. "Daphne wants me to take it but… I don't want to."
"What is it?" Draco asked.
Astoria's cheeks pinkened. "Oh, it's um, just a way to limit blood loss."
Draco's brow furrowed. "Why won't you take it? If it's the cost, take it from my vault. Don't even think about it."
"It's not that. It's just… there are certain side effects I'd rather not have."
"Is it painful? Pain's only in the moment, you know," Draco said. "The pain will be over, but if the treatment works, it'll be worth it in the long run."
Tori sighed, finally relenting. "It's not painful. But there's a high chance I won't be able to have children."
Draco blinked slowly, the words sinking in. Was that all? He'd been picturing cruciatus-levels of pain, hours of writhing in agony, or sickness so severe no potion could stop it.
"Is that all?" he voiced aloud, relief apparent.
Tori's eyes narrowed. "Yes, that's all."
"Well, why are you worried about that?" he asked. He didn't say it — it was tactless, even for him — but privately he thought it silly, as her lifespan wasn't likely to be long enough to reach that sort of age anyway.
"Because it… it closes a door for me. For us."
He soaked in the full meaning of what she was saying. Shit. This was hardly the conversation to have now, not with tear-tracks still fresh on her face.
"Don't you think we're a bit… young?" he asked awkwardly.
"I don't mean now," she said in a rush. "But, you know, we'll grow older eventually."
Draco pulled away from her. It was madness to him — absolute madness — that she would be so worried about such a possibility years and years ahead in the future. A future she wouldn't have if she didn't utilise every treatment available to her. It had been one thing for Draco to accept that she was dying. But after seeing her that day, mangled and bleeding out to death on the fringes of the chateau, the words now coming from her mouth were the words of a crazy person.
"Say something," she whispered.
Draco shook his head slowly, expression bemused. "Astoria… I agree with your sister. You need to take it."
"No."
"For fuck's sake!" he roared, standing to his feet. It was becoming clear now why Daphne had been so angry. And she blamed me for this, he recalled. "You are being irrational!"
Rather than crumpling into tears, Tori set her jaw and stood to meet his gaze. "Tell me you don't want that future, Draco. Look into my eyes and tell me that."
"I'm not worried about our future. I can barely keep hold of our fucking present, Tori."
"Exactly my point! You're not even thinking about our future together, so you're not going to have a balanced view. I'm taking these things into account."
"I don't even want kids!" Draco shouted, too infuriated by her stubbornness to protect her feelings. "I don't fucking want children! That's not going to change. So if you're making this decision based on our future, it's not going to happen."
Astoria took a deep breath. "You don't mean that. You're just saying it so I'll change my mind."
Draco looked her dead in the eye. "I mean it."
Her lower lip trembled for a half-second. "Why? I thought… I always thought you'd want to continue the Malfoy line."
Draco scoffed. "That's exactly why I don't. Pain, sadness, madness and an affiliation with death eaters? That's no life for a fucking child. And I'm too fucked up to be a father. That'll never change."
"But it would be different with us," Tori breathed. "We would be different."
"It's not fucking happening!" Draco said through clenched teeth. "Get that through your head, Astoria."
She wasn't getting it. She still had a glimmer of hope in her eyes, a glimmer of doubt in the words he was saying. He knew he'd have to do something horrid. And he knew it might mean losing her. But if it convinced her to take the treatment — if it convinced her to save her own life — it would be worth it a thousand times over. Draco sent a silent prayer that she would one day forgive him for this.
"You're coming across a little desperate, don't you think?" he sneered. "We've barely known each other a few months. We were just having a bit of fun, and you're already planning our family?"
Astoria didn't move. She didn't react. It wasn't enough. Draco would need to deliver the final blow.
"I think I've had enough. I didn't realise you would come with this level of crazy."
His stomach lurched at the pain spreading across her face. Bile rose to his throat but he swallowed it down, embracing the trail of fire blazing to the pit of his gut. He deserved the cruciatus for this. He deserved fucking Azkaban for this.
"I never asked for you to get me free from the ministry. And you set off an absolute shit-storm of events, to the point I'm more of a fugitive now than I was then. All you do is fucking ruin me, Astoria. Don't you get that? You're fucking tainted."
His eyes flickered to her forearm, and the dark mark concealed there, as he said the word. Tainted. Only as the meaning of it came to his mind, only as he realised he'd taken things too far. But she saw the flicker of his gaze. She misunderstood. And, sickeningly, it worked in his favour.
"Get out." He had never seen her face so contorted in disgust, her voice so thick with hatred. "Right now or I will fucking kill you Draco Malfoy, I swear I will."
Draco needed no convincing. But a stupid, selfish part of him couldn't move — was too desperate she would see beyond this front. She would see what he was trying to do. She'd call his bluff, they'd laugh about it. She'd promise to accept the treatment. She would kiss him softly and apologise for her silliness, and they'd fall asleep in each other's arms once more.
But it was too late for that now. And Draco knew it, even before she lunged at him.
She hit, punched, scratched and swiped at every inch of him she could reach. Draco yelped in pain, struggling to pull his wand free and protect himself. Finally, with a busted lip and what felt like the beginnings of a black eye, Draco managed to cast a shielding charm that pushed her back a few paces. She staggered, but did not attack again.
Draco couldn't even look back as he left Astoria. And he would loathe himself until the day he died for it.
