Chapter 13
Ursa had started to settle into her new role as wife and Princess Ursa of the Fire Nation. She had expected to have a little more time before she was thrown into her new duties, but Ozai had had other ideas. It had been a bit overwhelming at first but it kept her mind off of how much she missed her family and how much she missed her home. Even though she had grown up in the Capitol the palace didn't feel like home. She missed being at home with her siblings, with sweet little Eska and wild Afiko and sensitive Ukano. She missed listening to Mura talk about her day at school and all of the boys that she liked. She missed her father's hugs when he got home from work and she even missed her mother and her cooking. She hadn't realized how homesick she would feel after marriage. Did her mother feel like this when she got married? She wanted to ask her to come to visit with her but her schedule had been keeping her so busy that she hadn't been able to.
Her days were incredibly full. Her mornings were spent with her tutors, they promised that she was making great progress on learning the royal customs and in a few short weeks Fire Lord Azulon would sign off on an end to these lessons. In the afternoons she had tea with the other wives of the Fire Nation elite at least three times a week. It was exhausting sitting with them and listening to all of the gossips about people that she didn't know or really care about. Whenever she tried to bring up books or poetry the other women just smiled and looked at her like she was crazy. It was clear that most of them didn't share the same interests that she had. Every night dinner was served in her and Ozai's chambers and the two sat together making small talk about their day. It was awkward and she often wished that they were having dinner with his father or brother and Lu Ten.
She hadn't realized that being a princess would come with so many responsibilities but she was quickly learning what was expected of her. She had already done a few official appearances and she feared that she was never going to be used to the formality of these events.
With Prince Iroh in the palace, she had noticed a change in Ozai. In the days after the wedding, Ozai had been in a mood and she had been worrying that she was the cause of his unhappiness. She wished that she felt comfortable enough to talk to someone about what was happening, but every time that she looked at the other wives she was reminded of her years at school and how quickly gossip spread and she didn't want people talking about her marriage already.
Ursa had a rare free afternoon and she had decided to bring her favorite play, Love amongst the Dragons, and her lunch out to the garden. She had set up a little picnic for herself and she enjoyed eating her lunch outside. The palace cooks made amazing dumplings and she brought some fire flakes out for a snack. She dreamed of the day that she had children that she could have picnics outside by the turtleduck pond with. She hoped that Ozai would join them and that they could be happy together.
Ozai had surprised her on their wedding night. She hadn't known what to expect with him. She had always thought that her first time would be with Ikem but she had banished that thought from her mind the moment that her marriage to Ozai was sealed. She knew that she couldn't spend the rest of her life wishing that she was with Ikem. It wasn't healthy for her and it would hold her back from her life with Ozai. She knew that her future was Ozai and she needed to accept it.
Knowing that didn't make it any easier though. Her heart wanted what her heart wanted. But she was going to have to suppress those feelings the best that she could.
Ursa stood in a silk robe in her bed chambers. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she felt like she was going to throw up from nerves. It had been a relief taking her hair out and letting it fall over her shoulders. It had felt so heavy and it had started to hurt her head. But now that she was waiting for Ozai to join her she could feel her anxiety beginning to spike all over again. She could hear movement in the living space and she knew that Ozai was about to join her. If the rumors about Ozai were true then it meant that he had experience. She could only hope that he would be understanding and gentle.
The knock at the door made her jump. "Come in," she tried to say but her throat was dry and the words didn't want to come out. She cleared her throat a few times. "Come in," she repeated, this time a bit louder.
The door slid open and Ozai stepped into the room. He was just wearing cotton pants and his chest was bare. She felt her cheeks turn pink at the sight of him standing there bare-chested. She had seen Ikem without his shirt on, of course, but that had always been when they were at the beach. There had always been a reason for him to be without a shirt. But seeing Ozai was different. He looked more like a man than Ikem ever had, and she supposed that it was simply the age difference and Ozai's rigorous training routine. She almost felt like it was wrong to have those kinds of thoughts but then she reminded herself that Ozai was her husband.
"You look pretty," Ozai spoke up, breaking the awkward tension in the room.
"Thank you," she said, her cheeks turning pinker.
Ozai made his way across the room and stopped when he was standing in front of her. She looked up at him and felt her heart race as she felt her back stiffen. She wasn't sure what she wanted to say to him. Her throat felt dry and her heart was pounding in her chest. Ozai surprised her and reached out to touch her face.
"I know that I wasn't the one that you dreamed of marrying," he started. Ursa opened her mouth to argue but he dropped his hand that was on her cheek and held his other hand up, silencing her. "Let me finish. I know that you were with that boy but you made the right choice. I can't make any promises about being a sweet man, it's not who I am. But I can promise that I will provide for you and we will have children."
It wasn't a love declaration like she had always dreamed of on her wedding day but it was truly more than she had expected out of Ozai.
She bit down on her lips and looked up at him shyly. "We'll have a good life together. Our children and us…we'll be okay."
Ursa felt her cheeks turn pink as she thought of their wedding night. Ozai had been surprisingly gentle with her. He had stayed with her until morning and they had had breakfast together in her chambers. It had been nice. In the subsequent times that Ozai visited her, it hadn't quite been the same and he returned to his room more times than not but she didn't mind it. He was still being gentle and kind and she knew that he was expecting her to be pregnant this month. Nothing felt out of the ordinary yet and she didn't have anyone to ask about what was normal.
"May I join you?"
Ursa jumped in surprise, dropping her book to the ground. She had been lost in her thoughts, her book opened on her lap but forgotten. She looked up to see Prince Iroh standing above her. She quickly moved to bow to him but he waved her away. Her cheeks turned pink at the sight of her brother-in-law. Ursa knew that he couldn't possibly know what she had just been thinking of but she still felt a surge of guilt and embarrassment.
"I'm so sorry," he said, chuckling at the surprise on her face.
"No, please, it's okay. Please sit," Ursa gestured towards the ground beside her.
"What were you reading?" Iroh asked, sitting down beside her.
"Love amongst the Dragons," Ursa replied with a hint of a blush on her cheeks. She was sure that he had read far more important books than she had.
"A classic. That was a favorite of my mother's, actually. She used to have my father bring in acting troupe's and that was always one of her requests."
"Really?" Ursa asked with a smile. "Ozai has never mentioned that."
"Ozai never speaks of our mother. She died bringing him into this world and I fear that it's a pain that he's going to carry for the rest of his life."
"I'm so sorry," Ursa told him softly.
She had known about Ozai's mother even though it had happened before she was born. Ursa could remember hearing the stories about Fire Lord Azulon's grief as she sat on her mother's lap as a child. It had been gossip even seven years later. The ladies of the court frequently wondered when Fire Lord Azulon would remarry. Some had hoped that it would be them. But he never had, and she suspected that he never would.
"I'm not telling you for your sympathy, Ursa, but so you can understand my brother. He's not an easy man to get along with. I know that he may seem cold and unapproachable but I believe that he is a good man deep down. I think that you are going to be good for him. He's always been listless and lacking a sense of purpose and I think that you are going to give him what he needs."
Ursa could feel her cheeks turn pink from Iroh's compliments. "Thank you, Prince Iroh. That is very kind. I hope that you are right."
"Please, just call me Iroh. Prince Iroh is much too formal," he said with a laugh. "My son tells me that he enjoys spending time with you."
"He's a clever boy. He reminds me of my younger brothers," she said, a fond smile on her lips. Talking about them made her homesick, she missed them dearly.
"He is," Iroh chuckled. "He's so much like his mother."
"I hope that you don't think that I'm overstepping but I know how much he misses you."
Iroh got a dark look on his face and looked down at his hands. "I'm ashamed of myself for running when his mother died. I couldn't handle fatherhood or being around him. I came back for the funeral and then I left again right after. I wasn't a good father to Lu Ten this past year. But I'm going to make up for it. I will come home more often. He's my son and he needs me."
"I didn't mean to make you feel bad," Ursa said kindly. "I've only known Lu Ten for a short time but I'm already so fond of him."
"No, don't apologize. I'm happy that he has someone here who is looking out for him. I'm glad that he will have you when I am away. Ozai…" Iroh trailed off and looked at Ursa with a wry smile on his face. "Ozai isn't the greatest with him, I know that. I had hoped that he would spend time with him while I was gone but Ozai has always done what Ozai wants."
"I'll be happy to look out for him while you're not here." Ursa was quiet for a few moments. Ozai's bad mood the last few days had been weighing on her mind and she decided that Iroh was the person to broach the topic with. "Ozai…Ozai has been acting strange lately. Do you…have any idea why?"
"I don't," Iroh said thoughtfully. "Ever since he's been a child he's had these moods. I wouldn't fret too much, Ursa. Just give him space and he will be over it in a day or two I am sure."
It wasn't particularly reassuring but Ursa realized that whatever was on Ozai's mind would pass and perhaps he would open up to her soon about it. There was so much that she didn't know about Ozai and his moods that she was going to have to learn. She supposed that that was what marriage was like. She would just have to get used to it.
"Married life looks good on you," Lee stated with a smirk.
Ozai rolled his eyes at his friend and brought the bottle of whiskey to his lips and looked at his friend daringly. Let Lee say something to him, he was not in the mood for his friend's antics.
"Is Ursa making you so miserable?" Lee continued. He was the only one who could push Ozai when he was in this kind of mood.
"Please. It's not Ursa," Ozai finally said taking another swig from the bottle "It's my damned brother."
"Iroh?"
"Do I have another one?"
He had thought that his father would have been quicker to include him in the war meetings. But thus far it had been nearly three weeks since the wedding and his father had yet to invite him to a meeting. He knew that they were having one later today and he had not been invited. What was it about Iroh that his father so loved? Was it that he didn't kill his mother? Was he going to be punished for his mother's death forever? He had been punished his entire life for something that had been completely out of his control. His father could never forgive him for what had happened.
"No," Lee said carefully, looking at his friend. "What has Iroh done now?"
Ozai waved the question away. "Doesn't matter."
Lee not bothered by Ozai's surly attitude walked over to Ozai and took the bottle from Ozai. Ozai protested for a moment before he laid back on his bed. The burn of the alcohol had felt good. He had been good since the wedding and barely spent time with Lee and his other friends. He hadn't had a drink since the wedding. He had been focused on creating an heir with Ursa and starting his own dynasty. If he knew anything about how a woman's body worked than they should find out shortly if they were expecting their heir.
"Hey, would you talk to Meiko, please? She keeps harassing me," Lee said lazily.
Ozai rolled his eyes. "She tried to talk to me at my wedding and I ignored her. She probably wants to whine about it to me again."
"Just talk to her, alright?"
Ozai took the bottle back from his friend and took a long swig of the bottle. "I just don't want to deal with the tears. I thought that I had gotten her off of my back."
"Well, apparently not. She seems pretty desperate to get ahold of you."
"I'll call for her soon."
A knock at the door interrupted them. Ozai sighed and heaved himself off of the bed. He walked over to the door and pulled it open, raising an eyebrow when he saw his brother standing there.
"Well, well, well. Speak of the devil…" Ozai trailed off.
Iroh narrowed his eyes. "Are you drunk Prince Ozai?" He demanded. He saw Lee lounging on the bed a few feet away and he ran his hand over his face. "I was coming to get you for the meeting tonight. But you're drunk. I can't very well bring you like this."
The realization that his father wanted him to come to the meeting hit him like a ton of bricks. He had been wallowing all week because of the big meeting. He had been sure that his father wouldn't include him, he never did. But here was his brother suggesting that he had always been invited and he just had been too blind to realize it.
"Father wanted me there?"
"Of course he wanted you there," Iroh said, pushing past his brother and into the bedroom. "I guess I'm just glad that Lady Meiko isn't here as well."
Ozai narrowed his eyes. "Don't act so high and mighty brother. It doesn't suit you."
Iroh ignored him. "Listen Prince Ozai," he said, turning to face his brother. "I will tell father that you are unwell. It will excuse you from the meeting tonight but I will not cover for you again. If father finds out that you are not taking your responsibilities seriously than he will not be inclined to invite you again. I pushed for father to include you tonight. I didn't think that you would be boneheaded enough to get drunk in the afternoon. Lee sober him up, his wife shouldn't see him like this."
Lee nodded his head and Iroh swiftly left the room shaking his head.
Ozai felt like a fool. His father was willing to give him a chance and he just messed it up.
Ursa was bored. Ozai had gone to a war meeting, the third this week, and she hadn't seen much of him these past few days. The meetings were long and he rarely came to see her at night after them. She had had dinner with Lu Ten the previous night, and it had been nice to have company for dinner even if her company was only eight. Lu Ten was a sweet boy, a clever boy, and he seemed so much happier with his father at home. Iroh was due to leave in the next few weeks and Ursa wasn't looking forward to how distressed the boy would be. She was glad though, that his father had been there for his birthday. It had been a grand affair. Fire Lord Azulon had invited Lu Ten's friends from the Royal Fire Academy for Boys and it had been wonderful to see Lu Ten run around with the other boys and get to be a kid. Ozai had looked on disapprovingly but she was still so sure that he would come around and realize that children needed fun.
This afternoon's tea was at Lady Opal's home. She was a woman of forty with beautiful dark hair and the most piercing gray eyes. Ursa found her to be intimidating just like the home she lived in with her general husband. Her husband had so many items that he had collected from his travels all over the world. Every movement that she made she had to worry about knocking into something and potentially breaking it. She could only imagine what the reaction would be like if she broke something, how embarrassing it would be. She was sure that they would never let her forget it.
Ursa was always glad when Michi came to tea. Many of the women there were much older than her and much more judgmental than Ursa was. They wanted to gossip and talk about the wives that weren't there and about their husbands. It reminded her of high school and she hated it. If it were up to her she wouldn't attend any of these things, but Ozai insisted and said that it was good for her to get to know the other women that lived in the city.
"I'm glad that you're here," Ursa told Michi quietly. "Last week was such a bore without you."
Michi smiled. "Sorry that I left you alone, my family went to our house on Ember Island."
"How was it? I haven't gone in forever."
"It was nice. It was a little bit too cold to swim and most of the tourists had gone home so it was quiet but it was a good break from here. My parents are talking about me getting married."
"To whom?" Ursa asked her eyes wide.
"They're not sure. They said that they want me to be happy with their decision but I don't know. I'm only eighteen I'm not sure if I'm ready for marriage."
Ursa nodded her head. Despite being married she still didn't quite feel like a wife. It was so strange she sometimes woke up and thought that she should be back at home in her own bed. But then she opened her eyes and was in the palace and she remembered that she was a married woman. It was so strange.
"So, Princess Ursa," lady Opal said loudly, standing in the middle of the room. "We have all been wondering…will there be a new royal baby soon?"
She felt her eyes widen. From across the room, she saw Meiko glaring daggers at her, and Michi had frozen in place, her eyes wide. Ursa didn't know what to say. It was a highly inappropriate question but she could see all eyes on her, smirks on some faces. It was uncomfortable to have so many eyes on her and she squirmed underneath their gazes.
"I um…maybe soon," she said, biting down on her lip.
"It would be so lovely. Lu Ten is getting so old," lady Opal said.
"Yes…" she trailed off, frowning.
"We certainly hope that it will be soon, Princess."
She had never realized that her fertility would be watched by so many people. Ursa believed that that was private and only to be discussed with her husband and people that were closest to her. How dare lady Opal think that she could ask her about pregnancy? It was the first time that she realized that even her children wouldn't be fully her own. She would have to share them with their nation and she would have to expect people to watch her every move and to speculate on her pregnancies and on her children.
It was one of the first times that she wished that Iroh's wife, Kuvira, was still alive. She had to deal with this for years. How had she dealt? She wished that she could ask Iroh, whom she met for tea once or twice a week, but that seemed entirely too inappropriate for her to ask her brother-in-law. She thought about asking Ozai but she didn't think that he was particularly close to Iroh's wife or would have cared to know. She still didn't understand Ozai's relationship with his father and brother and she hadn't wanted to pry, but it was times like this that she wished that she could.
"Don't listen to them," Michi whispered. "You will talk about it when you are ready to. Don't let them bully you into saying anything that you wouldn't want to."
"Thank you, Michi. I will remember that."
She tried her best to act like it didn't bother her but she could feel all of the eyes on her. Especially Meiko's. She didn't know why she was glaring at her like that, but it made her incredibly uncomfortable. She thought about asking Ozai about it but thought better of it. She just hoped that Meiko would eventually forget about her and let her live in peace.
Ursa stood in front of her mirror with tears in her eyes. Her monthly bleeding had started. She wasn't pregnant. The disappointment stirred in her stomach. She had hoped that they would get pregnant the first month that they had been married. She knew that there would be next month and that it wasn't a rush, but lady Opal's words still were ringing in her ears.
"Ursa?" Ozai said coming up behind her. "What's wrong?"
She turned to look at him. She saw the concern on his face as she stood there. It was the first time that she had gotten emotional around her husband and she hated that it was over something like this. But she realized that there was no reason to hide her emotions. Ursa knew that he would be disappointed as well that she wasn't pregnant.
"I'm not pregnant."
"Oh," Ozai said after an awkward pause. "I'm sorry. There's always next month, yes?"
Ursa nodded her head and reached a hand up to wipe the tears away from her eyes. "I'm sorry it's so silly…"
Ozai looked at her, his expression inscrutable. "It's not silly. I had hoped that we would be expecting an heir soon…but I've heard that these things take time. I know that you are going to give me a strong son when the time is right. Don't fret about it."
Ozai was confused; he had never cared about a crying woman before. When Meiko cried he usually just said whatever he could to get her to stop, made promises that he had never intended to keep. But with Ursa, he didn't like seeing her cry. Perhaps it was because his father and brother would assume that he had done something to make her unhappy like his father had done before their marriage. But over the past month together he had grown to have some affection for the woman in front of him.
"Come, push it out of your mind. Let's take a walk together in the garden."
Author's Note: Thank you for the love the last chapter. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Up until this chapter not a lot of time has passed since the time that Ursa and Ozai met to the wedding. It was only a few months, really. But from here on out more time will pass between chapters as we get deeper into Ursa and Ozai's marriage. I like to think of the first twelve chapters as almost one arc of the fic and now we're entering into a second arc now that they are married. I started this fic when my school went into remote instruction due to covid and the teachers are returning next week. We're starting off the school year remote for the time being. All that said I do not plan on abandoning this story but it's just a heads up that updates may not be as frequent as they were as I start to figure out what's going to be expected of me in the new school year. I have big plans for this fic that will bring us all the way up to Ursa's disappearance and through Zuko and Azula's childhood so I hope that you guys stick around. If you got this far I want to thank you all for the support and love and I will see you in the next chapter!
