I take a seat on the front step early Tuesday morning and breathe in the cold air. I can see the faint cloud of condensation when I exhale. The temperature has been dropping with October right around the corner. The leaves of the trees are turning to shades of orange and red. While the season brings beautiful colors to light, I don't look forward to the coming winter.
I watch the mail truck drive by down the street and balk at the time. I can't even imagine what it's like to be on the road and working when the sun hasn't even risen in the sky. Getting up for this run with Angela was hard enough.
However, seeing it pass by with the smell of autumn in the air takes me back to a time when I was very young. Maybe about six or seven.
I was sitting out in the lawn with Grandma Swan. Charlie and Renee were having an argument about something in the kitchen and she had taken me outside to get away from the shouting.
"It hurts when they shout." I kick some stray leaves on the ground with my bare feet and smile when they crunch under my weight.
"I know, child." Nana brushes some fallen leaves off of the seat of her rocking chair before sitting. She scoops me up from where I am and places me in her lap. "Where does it hurt?"
"My head." There's a funny gray spot in front of my left eye and I try to rub it away. "They're too loud."
Nana pulls out the too-tight ballie-tie from my hair and lets it fall. She moves to run her hair through it and I'm afraid she's trying to detangle it, so I flinch away. "Relax, patatino. Nana won't hurt you."
With a small frown, I lean back against her and let her touch my hair. Her hands shake a little, but she has long nails that lightly scratch my scalp. It feels nice.
Nana must know I'm happy because I can feel her bouncing with silent laughter. "You like that?"
Closing my eyes, I nod my head and lean further into her touch. My head hurts less now. "It feels good."
"Your mamma tells me you're excelling in school," Nana says quietly in my ear.
"Eck-sell?" I look up at her, but I have to squint against the sun behind her. Her hair is all white and short, slightly curled at the ends. Her eyes are blue, but Mommy says I look more like Nana than her.
"Excel," she says again. "It means you're doing really well."
"Oh." I shrug and close my eyes again, hoping she keeps scratching my head. "I guess. Miss Green says I have eye-demic memory."
"Eidetic," Nana corrects. "Yes. That's very impressive for someone your age."
"Is it bad?" I ask.
"Of course not, patatino. It means you're very smart."
I shrug again, still not understanding why it makes me any different. My headache is gone now.
"Can you show me, Bella?"
I look up at her again and find her smiling. "Show you what?"
She adjusts me again on her lap. "Take a look around you."
Sitting up straighter, I search around for something to catch my eye, but there's not much to see. My toys are scattered on the lawn. There are some adults I don't know walking on the sidewalks and I hear a dog barking somewhere down the street. "What am I supposed to be looking at?"
"Now, close your eyes."
I do what she says, but I don't understand what's happening. Did I do something wrong?
"Tell me what you see," Nana whispers. "Keep your eyes closed."
"You mean, what do I remember?"
"Sure," she offers. "How many people did you see walking by?"
"Four," I answer immediately.
"What did they look like?"
I concentrate on making the picture appear behind my eyes. "Two of them were on our side of the street. A girl and a boy. The girl had long orange hair. She was wearing jeans with holes in them. With a green sweater and butterfly pin on her shoulder. The boy was wearing brown pants and a T-shirt with a picture of trees on the front. He had dark hair. Like Daddy's!"
"And the other two?"
I focus harder, but my head starts to hurt again. "Um...there was another person across the street. A mailman. He had headphones on. I think he was dancing."
"And the last person?"
I rub my eyes and sigh. "Nana, my head hurts again."
"Okay, child." She pulls me back against her chest and rubs my head. "Just relax."
"Did I do okay?"
Nana bows her head to look at me. "Patatino, you were perfect."
"Bella? Hel-lo?"
I blink away memories of Grandma Swan and stand. "Hey, Ang. I didn't see you."
Angela helps me to my feet and I see her examining my face. "Are you feeling okay? You look like you haven't slept."
I wave her hands away. "It's nothing. Just some weird dreams."
"We don't have to go running if you're not feeling up to it."
"No, no, I'm fine." I zip up my light jacket and motion for her to follow me down to the sidewalk. "Really. I think this will help."
"Okay." She bends down to stretch her legs. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Black eyes and sounds of an animal whimpering flash behind my eyes and I work hard to keep my composure. "No, not really. I don't remember much."
She looks at me for an extra second. I know you know I know you're lying.
"Wow." I laugh once to myself. "You're lucky I understood that because that was a mouthful."
"B, you can tell me anything," she says. "What's wrong? Maybe I can help."
I consider for a moment opening up to her, but quickly push the thought from my mind. Now that I know Edward can read minds too, it's not a good idea to tell her what I know. Her thoughts aren't safe anymore. "I've been thinking a lot about my Grandma Swan." It's not a total lie, so I don't feel as bad omitting the truth.
"Oh." She starts a slow jog and I match her pace. "What about?"
I shrug. "I don't know. Just memories, I guess. I didn't know her very well before she passed."
"That's okay." Angela picks up speed a bit and I do the same. "She still loved you."
"I think she knew I had abilities."
She looks at me with a smile. "Yeah?"
"I was thinking about it earlier. When I was a kid, she used to make me close my eyes and tell her what I saw. Almost every day. I thought it was because everyone thought I had an eidetic memory."
"What the hell is that?"
"Like photographic memory," I explain. "But now that I have this...thing, I think maybe she knew before anyone else did."
"Maybe when you were younger your body didn't handle it well," she states. "I'm just spitballing ideas here. But, maybe that's what was triggering your epilepsy."
"I mean, I guess it's possible," I respond through my breaths. "I really don't know what it could be. All I know is after my dad and I crashed that night almost a year ago, everything's been different."
"Maybe your mom is right," Angela says. "Maybe you really did get it from your grandmother. Do you still have some of her things?"
I have to take a moment to think about it. "I don't know actually. I guess, I could ask Charlie."
"It's worth a shot." Angela rounds a corner and I follow her. "You might find something interesting."
"I just hope Charlie doesn't ask many questions."
"You can say it's for school. Like a history project or something."
Lifting my eyebrows, I grin at her. "That's actually a good idea."
She reaches over her shoulder and pats herself on the back and I roll my eyes. "I do make an awesome sidekick, if I do say so myself."
"Stop making me a superhero."
"I'm just saying," she goes on, "a costume and an alias is all we'd need and bam! We've got ourselves a local vigilante."
"Madame Zeroni sounds like a pornstar name, first and foremost."
Angela stops completely to glare at me. "Okay, seriously? I never actually said that, you just went digging in my head. And Madame Zeroni is from Holes!"
"I don't know what that is, but it sounds like a porn movie."
She groans and starts jogging again. "Bella, for real. You have so much you need to catch up on. It's a Disney movie for Christ's sake."
"What's Disney?" I ask, just to piss her off.
"Knock it off, Bella."
I spent the first half of the day distracted by images of Edward and the words blood drinker resonating in my head. Angela worried about me despite me assuring her there's nothing to fret about. While I feel horrible, for not telling her, I know I'm doing the right thing.
I'm still not sure how much of my dream was just a dream. I've never liked horror stories. They'd give me nightmares. But something about this was different. It didn't feel like a dream. It felt like I was there. Actually there. Just outside of my body. Was it so far fetched to believe it was true? Edward had already shown me how strong he is. He threw that man in the alley like he weighed nothing. His skin is cold to the touch and pale. Even more so than my own complexion.
Knowing everything that I can do and knowing everything that he can do, is it really so deranged to wonder if Sam's story is true?
I shudder, thinking about it. Maybe it's like the Quileutes said. Maybe he lives off the animals. Does that make him any less dangerous?
Sighing, I rub my hands over my face. In all this doubt and fear, I have to wonder what it was like for Angela or Renee when they found out about my abilities. Were they just as worried about what I was capable of? Am I any less dangerous than Edward?
Angela places her lunch tray on the table, bringing me out of my thoughts. "You sure you're alright? You've been acting strange all day."
"Yeah." I place on my plastic smile, but I know she sees right through it. "I'm just tired."
And you're sure there's nothing you want to talk about?
"I'm sure, Ang."
She doesn't push any farther and I wrap my pinky around hers in thanks. She gives me a gentle squeeze before digging into her food.
The chair across from us scrapes against the floor and my head whips up. Edward is standing there, cool, calm and collected while I freeze on the spot and stare at him. I keep my emotions off of my face as I take him in.
Despite the chilled air outside, he only wears a thin navy blue V-neck sweater and jeans. His sleeves are pushed up to his elbows and I can see the muscles in his forearms moving beneath the smooth, ivory skin. His eyes are a bright golden color. Almost yellow.
"Hi."
I say nothing as an image of deer carcass flickers across my vision.
Angela speaks up first. "You're welcome to sit here as long as you apologize for being such an ass."
I look at her and I mean to chastise her but I'm still working to find words.
Edward takes it like a champ though. He offers a small smile before sitting. "Bella and I have already spoken, but you're right. My actions were cruel the day of your birthday, Bella. I am sorry."
I take a bite into my salad while Angela gives me a knowing look. You've got him wrapped around your finger.
Eyes, snapping toward Edward, I see a smirk pulling at his lips. I know instantly he's heard her and I choke on a piece of lettuce. I ungracefully spit out my mouthful and Angela jumps up to give me the heimlich, but before I have time to register it, Edward is out of his seat and behind me, pounding on my back.
"I'm fine," I croak out when I'm finished coughing. "Stop, I'm fine."
"Jesus, Bella!" Angela exhales and I wish there was a way to tell her to stop thinking. "What the hell was that about?"
"Are you alright?" I realize Edward's been touching me because when he removes his hand from my back, the cafeteria's volume raises tenfold.
I clear my throat as my cheeks warm. "I'm fine. It's nothing. Just been a weird day."
I wish you would talk to me.
Giving her an apologetic look, I sigh. "I'm just not ready, Ang."
She stops cold and her eyes shoot from me to Edward and then back to me.
"He knows."
Angela's eyes widen and she does it again. Looks from me to Edward and back to me. "He knows? You know?" She aims her last question toward Edward who sheepishly grins.
"We spoke over dinner on Friday," he clarifies.
"Damn, Bella. You've been holding out on me." For a moment I think she's jealous but I hear her silently tell me she's proud of me for opening up. "At least I don't have to watch what I say anymore. Welcome to the club, Edward."
Edward smiles at her. "Thank you." Then winks at me and I try to hide my embarrassment.
You really like this guy, don't you?
I glare at Angela. I've never wanted to slap this girl more than I do right this very moment.
Edward coughs from his seat and I don't need to see him to know he's trying not to laugh.
I need to find a way to shut her the hell up without telling her about my suspicions. I'm in the middle of analyzing my qualms about having Edward know about my questions when the bell rings.
Angela walks with us out of the cafeteria like she normally does. I wave goodbye to her and step into Banner's classroom. I'm expecting Edward to be just behind me, but by the time I'm in my seat, I see he's still standing in the doorway with Angela.
"Something's up," I hear her say to him. "She won't tell me, but maybe you can get her to talk. I just want to know she's okay."
Edward responds, but his voice is too low and I don't have the same advantage with him as I do Angela. Then he turns around and heads toward our table.
"What was that?" I ask as he takes his seat.
Edward gazes at me and there's an emotion behind his eyes that I can't decipher. "You've got a great friend in Angela."
"I know," I assure him. "I've never doubted that."
He grabs a sheet of paper that's being passed around the room and hands me one. "She's worried about you. And she doesn't trust me."
I chuckle under my breath. "She'll come around. She's very protective."
"I see that. Maybe she's right." Edward catches my eyes again and I see there's something he wants to say, but he just won't say it.
I lean in closer. "Why do you say that?"
His lips move ever so slightly, and I'm almost certain, he's about to speak when he turns away and sighs. "Will you tell me something?"
I bite the inside of my cheek and try not to show my disappointment. "Sure."
"You told me you don't like to be touched." As if to prove his point, he reaches out and places his hand over mine. The sound fades away, and I hear nothing but Mr. Banner's lecture and the low-toned whispers from a few of the students. "But, you don't seem to mind when I do it."
I contemplate not responding, but wonder if he'd answer some of my questions if I do. "When people touch me, I see everything. Repressed memories, emotions. It's too much for me to handle. But you're different. I can't hear or see anything with you."
He looks down at our hands and I feel a shiver go down my spine. I don't feel cold though. I feel something else. Tingly? "It doesn't bother you?"
"No." I take a deep breath in an attempt to slow my speeding heart. While my abilities don't seem to connect with Edward, I'm surprised by the physical reaction my body has to him whenever he is near. "It's nice actually. Sometimes I need quiet."
When I'm sure Edward's going to take his hand back, he shocks me by intertwining our fingers. "I know what that's like. To need quiet. I'm happy I can be that for you."
I slump back into my chair and search his face for something. Any piece of information I can find from him, but there's nothing. Edward Cullen remains a mystery to me. How can someone so kind be so dangerous? Am I reading too much into this dream?
"Will you answer a question of mine now?" I ask. "I think I've earned it."
He looks down at our hands and smirks. "Of course."
"Why did you skip yesterday?"
I can see his internal struggle and patiently wait for him to speak. "The weather."
"The weather?"
He nods. "Our father takes us hiking when the weather is nice. The sun is rare in Forks, as I'm sure you've noticed."
"M-hm." My fingers are nervously tapping my pencil to the table. "Where did you go? Anywhere I'm familiar with?"
"Do you know the Elk Creek park?" When I nod, he continues. "There's a trail nearby that we frequent."
"Interesting." It's the same park Angela took me to after my birthday. I'd never actually gone up the trail. Charlie never allowed it. I find myself wondering if it looked like anything I saw last night in my dream.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Edward is drawing circles over my knuckles absentmindedly and I fight hard to focus on his words. "You seem unusually quiet today."
"I didn't sleep well last night." Because of you, I add silently. This is crazy. There's no way Edward is a blood drinker. Plenty of normal people go hiking. Why can't I let this go?
"Is there something bothering you?" he asks.
I freeze. The words are on the tip of my tongue. It's not the right place, I remind myself. But I'm so close to just letting everything spill over. My dreams, Quileute legends, my feelings. Does it matter?
I look at him, his golden eyes glowing with concern and his hand caressing mine. Despite our rocky start, Edward has been kind to me. Empathetic, even. Does it matter what he is? He doesn't seem to let my abilities cloud his opinion of me. Neither does Angela. What was it my mother said that day?
There is always a purpose for everyone you meet. Try to find the lesson.
"Bella?"
I snap out of my head and shake my head to clear my thoughts. "Sorry. I've been thinking about a lot lately."
"What's on your mind?"
I take a deep breath. "It doesn't matter," I say, answering his question and mine simultaneously.
"You're sure?"
I nod. "I'm sure."
