"How is life?" young Diddy Kong asked his big buddie as chicken filled his eyes.
"I broke it..." DK sighed. He climbed up the beanstalk of the soul and extracted the banana bunches from its topmost branches. Peeling them, accurately, they entered his gullet with faithful resonance.
Diddy shook his head and assembled the cuckoo clock. "DK, when death parts the majestic hearts, it is best to atone for our shortcomings with a multitude of heavenly grace."
"Yeah, but heaven rained down with the chaotic maelstrom of misshapened monkey wrenches," DK replied. He reached into Cranky's toolbox and pulled out said wrench.
Diddy's eyes welled up like the flooding Nile banks.
Finally, Funky entered the establishment, his epic surfboard clenched betwixt his cool-dude teeth.
"'Sup, Funky, my man?" DK asked with the enthusiasm of a thousand sunlit deserts.
"DK, it is totes horrible, my dude!" Funky cried as he pried the surfboard from his canines and jammed it into Diddy's righteous boot collection.
"What has transpired?" asked Cranky as he unveiled himself from the two-way chalkboard at Mrs. Puff's abode.
"The Kremling are totally whacked out, bruh!" Funky announced as his hair got into the savage ponytail that could break any spine on a whim.
"I must defeat 'em then!" said DK with raised fist of determined heroics. He quickly brought his toe to the window and grabbed the vines with muscular digit grace. He swung through the jungle like a burly goon of prismatic tooth conjectures.
Eleven hours later...
"Where are the Kremlings?" DK asked his hands as he stared at them. He had become lost amongst the trees because the bananas had hindered his soul like pachyderm malfunctions.
"Hello..." said a mysterious voice. DK turned around and saw the guy: it was Bob Kong.
"Hola, Bob," said DK with the pressure emanating from his solid abs.
Bob Kong looked at DK's swole abs and red tie. He adjusted his own green tie and then knotted it into a lasso. Swinging the tie he captured DK by the most powerful earlobe (the left).
"Unhand it?" DK wondered.
"Nay," said Bob. And then Bob did something most horrible. He removed his Kanohi Mask of Power, revealing his true face!
"King K. Rool! It is actually you!" cried DK upon his stunning realisation. He couldn't believe his eyes, ears, mouth, nose, or gallbladder.
K. Rool snickered, removed his ape costume completely, and tossed it into his portable incinerator. "Golly, DK. You sure are a very dumb ape!"
"I am not an ape. I am a hero of time," said DK, his nostrils moved backwards along his skull, creating a blowhole for dolphin evolution.
K. Rool was amazed by DK's nostril enhancements. He quickly submerged the Kong in raspberry jam. "Now you will fall!"
DK swam through the jam and thought many bright ideas by Bear Grylls. "Gnarly buttz!" he wailed as the fruit spread clashed with his rockin' steez.
That was when the holy hand reached out and grabbed DK by his impressive left toenail. It was Diddy and he was using his tail like a helicopter rotor.
"Thank you for saving me, Little Buddie," said DK's entire Kong life.
Diddy brushed his hat back, revealing his shiny silver mullet. "I am the hero of so many lives. You are no exception. Just kill all unfaithful evils, my bro."
DK nodded and powered up his knuckles via the Kong whetstone he kept in his third ear canal. He powered up so much that Candy heard his clenching biceps and quads all the way from her hometown of Scandinavian Bongo.
K. Rool's eyebrows did the raising of suspicious fillings as his crocodilian jaws braced for combat. "He bounded into the air with a glove he stole from Michael Mouse of Disney fame.
DK swallowed his latest Mickey D's burger and blew into his french horn. "I believe in faith and empires of holiness!" he cried. Many birds in the sky fell into a volcano and sacrificed themselves for the Kong glory.
"DK, do the righteous doings," commanded Diddy as his tail broke in two and returned to the back of Tim Hortons.
DK's eyes winked one after the other to signify the praises of lauded exaltation. He took toe to each point on K. Rool's dastardly crown and disproved the theory of cow chalices.
Marty the Zebra was there and he sang sandcastles to life.
K. Rool hopped off the crown bandwagon and believed in filthy halibuts. He took of one of the gorgeous fishes and slapped DK's teeth clean out of his primate skull. DK retrieved the teeth expertly with his powerful hand storage in the backyard last Tuesday.
"I see..." said Cranky from his vantage point: the tip top of Kevin the Sea Cucumber's evil mountain. "DK is so holy with his banana-lovin' life that only dishonour can prevail against his wholesome pecs and abs."
"More!" K. Rool screamed as his all-terrain toe slammed DK into the cucumber mountain. The mountain died for the first time that day.
"I hate flattened pancake grids..." DK seethed with rage. He fell to the ground and sniffed the beautiful flowers.
"I win?" K. Rool asked as the Kong fell to doom.
"Nope!" DIddy laughed as he pulled out his peanut popgun and blasted K. Rool in the tongue. The salt mingled with truth and K. Rool imploded beyond the aether.
"I don't die 'cause I am the future ruler of Kongo Bongo!" DK said, jumping to his hands. His legs had just been sawed off by a gruesome tomato.
Cranky nodded and looked over to Funky's magic 8-ball. "How can DK possibly be wrong about such a pure aspect of humanity?" he asked with his magic beard dipping into the salsa dish.
Funky took of the beard and dried it with a satin cloth. "People are so cool when they work together. Morals are totally rad all day, every day!"
Diddy sat down on his cactus collection and sniffed his left glove. "No more pain... No more rain... Raisins sure are lucky chums, eh?"
DK took ear to hearing his Little Buddie speak. He then slapped the banana in his pocket into his mouth and performed the ritual to bring paradise evermore.
FIN
