Are you ready to waste five minutes of your life? I wrote this story with a bot adding its own inputs. All that I edited of the bot's ramblings was the punctuation.


A Bot Co-Wrote this Harvest Moon Story

Jack woke up on that beautiful autumn morning. It had been almost two years since he started his work as a farmer in Mineral Town and he was in love with the community. And today, he would ask the other love of his life to marry him. Yes, he was going to propose to Karen.

He got out of bed and went over to his dresser where he found a ring box. He opened it up and took out the ring. He put it on his finger and looked at himself in the mirror. Jack immediately questioned why he decided to wear Karen's engagement ring. In fact, it was a little weird that he had gotten her a ring at all, given that the villagers of Mineral Town would propose with a blue feather. But he had both, so he'd give her both. He took off the ring and got dressed. He had some farming and ranching to get done.

After getting ready, Jack walked into the kitchen where he saw Karen cooking breakfast for everyone. She smiled when she saw him and said "Hello handsome."

"Hey, I'm back!" Jack replied smiling. "Wait, why are you here?" he asked her. Karen definitely didn't spend the night. Jack would have loved it if she had, but... "We were meeting tonight for a date, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Your mother let me off work early so we could have our date." Karen's mother, Annah, was the town sheriff, so she could occasionally make exceptions for her daughter.

Wait, that wasn't right. Karen's mother was named Sasha and she worked at the supermarket. But that wasn't important right now. "Karen, I have work to do. I'm glad you came by early, but can I meet with you later as we planned?"

"Yeah, sure. Do you want me to go with your mother or something?"

"No, thanks. I'll be home when I get home." Jack's mother did not live in town. Karen must have forgotten to take her medication. He kissed her goodbye before she left and he looked at the eggs. Burned... Karen was the perfect woman, but she was hardly a perfect cook. He picked up the pan and dumped the eggs into a bowl, then left to go to his job.

Before he finished the chores, it was late enough in the day that he had to leave for the mines. "Yes, the mines." He promised Saibara that he'd pick up some extra ore for him as a favor. Making his way to the mines, he broke open the first rock he found, hoping something good was inside. He was disappointed to find nothing but dirt. He looked around for any more rocks. He hit another ten rocks and they all contained the same thing.

He walked up and down the little mountain of dirt looking for a hidden rock. That's when he heard the rumble. His ears pricked up as he stood perfectly still. The minecarts were coming.

"Minecarts? Since when do we have minecarts?" That would have been good to know the last time he was two hundred floors deep in the mines. Jack got into position and hopped onto a cart. He didn't know the way out, so he hoped the cart would take him far enough down that he could find an exit. Or die trying. "Why did I do this to myself!" he shouted, bracing himself for the worst.

The ride down was one of the scariest things he'd ever experienced, and he'd ridden the mine trains as they wound their way through the mountain. When they finally stopped, he was shocked at where they dropped him off. It was on the first floor of the smithy, right outside the blacksmith's front door. That was good and bad. Good because he was safe. Bad because he didn't have Saibara's ore.

"He's gonna kill me..." Jack muttered to himself. He considered trying to sneak away with the other miners, but they were all in a hurry to leave the area. They didn't have time to fool with him.

"Jack! How are you?" Saibara roared with laughter as the little man with the big beard approached him. "Do you have my ores?"

"No, I don't. Do you have the ores?"

"I did, but I gave them to... oh wait..." Jack could hear a woman screaming inside. It sounded like Marie. Maybe Gray was with her? Jack could relate. He always felt like screaming when he had to put up with Gray's whiny ass. "Why did you give the ores to someone else?"

"I was trying to fool the sheriff and I just didn't think..."

"Saibara, are you high?" Jack asked, legitimately concerned with the old man's ramblings. "If you are, can I have whatever you're smoking? This has been a weird day and I need to calm my nerves before my date tonight."

"What? You're going on a date?"

"Yes, and yes. Can I have some of your special pipe weed?"

"Yeah... yeah, sure."

"Thanks." Jack didn't know who Saibara's dealer was, but damn, that was some good shit he was smoking. He'd have to find out later. "Thanks, old man," he said, giving the old blacksmith a thumbs up.

"You're welcome," he responded, a big, dumb smile on his face.

Jack entered the smithy and walked to the back where the screams were coming from. "Marie, why are you screaming?" he asked the nerdy, yet kinda hot librarian.

She screamed, "You! Get your hands off me this instant!"

"I'm not trying to have sex with you. I'm trying to help you."

"I don't need your help!" Gray's hands were on Marie's waist and he wouldn't (or couldn't) let go. Jack didn't know what was happening, but he had to do something! Jack tried to pry Gray's hands off of her, but he was a lot stronger than he looked. He finally managed to break free and grabbed a nearby metal bar.

"Gray, put down the bar!" Jack yelled, not sure what the unhinged blacksmith apprentice would do next. Gray charged at the much smaller man and smacked him with the metal bar. The force was so strong, it easily broke every bone in his body, and left his body in a bloody mess. That smaller man... was Saibara!

"You killed your grandfather!" Jack shouted in shock and disbelief. That was truly awful. Where would he get his weed from now? This was all Jack's fault. If he hadn't given away his weed, Gray wouldn't have been so pissed at him and he wouldn't have killed his grandfather.

"That's it!" Jack said, hitting Gray with the most powerful attack he could muster.

"Gray, you need to stop this!" a female voice shouted from the second floor of the blacksmith shop. "Come on, we have to kill him!"

"Nobody else is dying today!" Jack shouted, roundhouse kicking Gray right in the side of the head. Gray fell back but quickly got back up with anger in his eyes.

"Gray! Why are you doing this?! Stop it!" the female voice shouted once again. Jack looked to see Ran, who had come downstairs and was comforting the crying Marie. Jack couldn't let Gray kill again, so he kicked the man in the nuts. Truly, that was the best thing he could have done.

"Ah! Fuck! I'm gonna kill you, Jack the...!" Gray was about to shout, but he just didn't have the strength to finish his sentence.

Officer Harris was by shortly. He arrested the downed Gray and took him in for questioning. The Doctor and Elly came by next, but they were unable to save Saibara. Only Jack, Ran, and Marie were left. Over the weeks, Gray claimed in his dying breath that he was only trying to help Ran. He didn't say it to Ran, but to himself. He knew he killed that girl. Was it true?

Jack didn't care. He had a date to get to. He went home, showered, dressed up, and popped a Xanax to deal with the trauma he had just witnessed (don't try this at home, kids.) And then he headed to the supermarket to meet up with Karen.

When he arrived, she was already waiting. They held hands as they strolled to the fruit section.

"Hey," she greeted. "You ready for this?"

"Yeah, I'm excited!"

Karen had developed a weird obsession with fruit lately. It probably had to do with her father, Jeff, catching scurvy and she was afraid she'd catch it too. They bought a bushel of apples and went to the beach for an evening picnic. They made love on a blanket they had spread out. Afterward, they rolled around in the sand, looking up at the deep blue sky.

"I'm glad you came back," she told him.

"And miss this? How could I?" Though Jack was a little peeved about getting sand in his ass crack. Weird shit like this always happened when Karen and him drank together.

"I missed you," she said.

"I missed you, too." They embraced and kissed for a long time. Then they got back up to head home.

"Karen, this was a crazy day, but I have something to ask you," Jack said before he and Karen left the beach.

"Sure, anything."

"Now's probably not the best time, but I have to ask. Did you kill that girl?"

"What!?" Karen shouted.

"No, no, sorry, the drugs are wearing off. What I meant to say was..." He got down on one knee and opened the ring box, revealing the ring and the blue feather. "Will you marry me?"

Karen was silent for a moment. She looked at the ring and back at him. "Yes," she said, as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"I love you so much," he whispered so only she could hear him. They got up and headed home. Karen grabbed his hand as they left the beach.

"The rest of my life with you is a good thing," she said.

"Yes, it is," he agreed. And if it was anything like today, Jack hoped that he could survive it longer than a week.


Author's Note: Do not take Xanax with alcohol. In fact, don't take Xanax at all unless it is prescribed to you. Benzos will mess you up.