This took me longer than it should have. It took me a long time to write, and I'd written it on my labtop which can't get internet so I had to wait until I got a flash card to transfer it over to my pc because I'm lazy, and then I got really heavily involved with our Challenge Central thing and my girlfriend was coming over every day to work on it with me, and I didn't even touch this until today after Lillia left (because she won't let me do anything that doesn't involve her in some way while she's here. I swear with how clingy that girl is you'd think she was attention-starved for 17 years…oh well, I love her damn it all…)
so I am really sorry about the long wait, and I don't even really think this chapter is worth that wait…but I think that I'm going to be done with filler pages after this, and pretty soon the plot of the fic is going to pick up. Should be slightly interesting, hope you guys don't think its uncreative…but we'll cross that bridge when we get there….I just think it will be interesting how opinions of this fic will change once it really gets started. Oh, and I really appreciate the comments, guys. I love the fact that people give me constructivism. …oh and I realize that its very unprofessional of me to put author notes in the actual fic text…sorry, I'll try to work on that.
I do not own RENT, any of the characters therein, or any of my readers' mouses. I do own this fic and my characters, who are, so far, only Reye and Lactose (there are going to be somewhere around 15 OCs eventually, but only 2-3 are going to be main characters).
Closer and Further
Mark sighed as he counted out the pills: there was too many, Roger hadn't taken his AZT that morning. Mark couldn't say anything about it, though, without his roommate getting angry and starting an argument. Depositing the pills back into the bottle, he shut the lid tightly, wrapped his scarf around himself, grabbed his camera, and started towards the door. As he walked past Roger, who was lying on the couch, he didn't say a word, just tossed the pill bottle on the musician's stomach and walked out. Roger made no response, but Mark knew he was awake and that he'd take his pills. It had worked for the past three days now. He had no idea why Roger had to be so difficult about it.
He'd spent the morning editing film, and although he was still a little early, he knew Reye didn't have any regulars at this time so he went straight down to the café. He'd been going there every weekday for almost two weeks. He was almost finished with his story. He was a bit embarrassed that he had gone into such detail that it was taking him this long, but Reye never seemed to lose interest and if he was vague on things she pushed him to give more details. His life as an observer made him a great storyteller since he absorbed everything. Reye often commented that when he told it, it was like listening to a story being read instead of a personal account. Mark wasn't exactly sure if that was a compliment, but it was accurate enough so he accepted it. It wasn't like they spent the whole time on his story though, they talked a lot in between, about a lot of things.
There was something bittersweet in coming to the café, as well. Telling his story reminded him of his life, freshened his memories in his mind. It also brought out details he'd forgotten or pushed back, reminded him of the good times through the years, and irritated the old wounds. Although it felt great to look back, to retake his good memories, he was often left with a sad longing for the times that were over, for the people that were gone. Speaking of April and Angel and Mimi, of their lives, left a strong nostalgia. Speaking of Roger, of how he used to be, of how they used to be: the roommates, the best friends, MarkandRoger, left him with a strong bitterness and a burning sting all the way down his chest. It hurt to talk about the good times when he had to go home to what remained.
He put his camera on the table. He usually didn't film in the café, as it was never very exciting, but he wanted more footage of Reye. Knocking on the counter, he waited for her to come up.
After a few seconds she appeared, her usual grin in place. "Hey Sweettooth. One usual?"
He agreed, and as she made his coffee, started his story. He had to get the last part over with fast, it was the freshest in his mind and therefore hurt the worst.
LINELINELINELINELINE
"And then she died. He held her the whole time. After about twenty minutes though, the doctors had to take her away, so we had to talk him into letting her go. He knew it was coming, but you could still tell that when it finally happened, he wasn't ready.
"The funeral was nice…well not nice but…nicely done. Benny paid for it all, and he splurged a little bit on the flowers and candles and such. Roger couldn't really come up with anything he thought was good enough to say, so he sang her song, you know, the "Your Eyes" one. It was really beautiful. The next week, he was pretty much how I expected him to be. He stayed by himself most of the time, and he didn't really say much, but he made appearances out of his room and he ate some…so, you know, it was a lot better than when April had died. The next week he was better, he still spent a lot of time in his room, but he talked, not about Mimi, but he seemed to be handling it really well... I tried to get him to talk about Mimi, because after April had died we had spent a couple nights talking about her, and even though that was painful I could tell that it had really helped him…granted most of his side of the conversation was expressing very strong emotions, but I think the release helped. He wouldn't talk about her though, and every time I brought her up he'd get upset and retreat into his room, so I gave up for about a week.
"The next time I brought her up was our first argument. It ended with him storming into his room. The next morning, when I went in to remind him to take his pills, he apologized, so I apologized, and it was over. Things were almost normal after that. He was still slightly withdrawn from me, he didn't talk to me as much as he used to and he still seemed to prefer to be in his room, but I assumed he was still mourning. Almost two weeks after our first argument we had another. This one was because I had gathered all of Mimi's miscellaneous possessions that were scattered around the loft and put them into a couple boxes. I wasn't going to throw them away or anything, I put the boxes in his room, but he still got really angry at me. This one ended with him leaving the loft, but when he came back about two hours later he apologized, and I apologized. Two days later we got into another argument. Then three days after that. Then the next day after that. That one was the last one where he apologized first… For the next few fights, I apologized first, and then he did. But then he stopped responding when I apologized, so I gave that up. Now, we pretty much act like the fight never happened once it's over." He paused, staying silent for so long that Reye almost thought he was done before he sighed and continued.
"Also during this time, he never really started talking to me more. He remained just as withdrawn...no, actually he got more withdrawn...days would go by without a word from him, and as it had been almost two months, I was realizing that he wasn't just still mourning… You know, I can't really decide what I hate more, the yelling and fighting or the silence. …Maybe the silence, at least when he's fighting with me he's acknowledging that I'm alive." He stopped again.
"Was he just like that with you, though? What was his relationship like with Collins, Maureen and Joanne?" she asked.
Mark sighed. "We didn't see them that often…but Collins did come over for Christmas. It was…amazing how different Roger became as soon as Collins came in. I had gotten so used to this New Roger that I had forgotten what the Old Roger was like, so it was really strange at first. He laughed, smiled, joked around with Collins and me, he talked. And with Collins around, he treated me like he had in the old days. It was like the past three months hadn't happened, like Roger and I didn't spend every other day yelling at each other or walking around a completely silent loft.
"I, of course, didn't give any hints about how things really were either…some delusional part of me almost thought that things would get better after that, but I think I knew that once Collins left, once we stopped hanging around Maureen and Joanne again, it would go back to our new normal… and I was right.
"About a week after New Years, Collins left, and he took the Old Roger with him… I mean, Roger was in a good mood for about three days after Collins left, so we didn't fight at all and he talked to me some…but then one day I bought a new reel of film and he accused me of wasting money, and just like that, things got bad again… And that's about it, that's my story."
"Wow…That's so sad..." They were silent for a moment before Reye looked up at him cautiously. "Mark, can I ask you something?"
He nodded. "Sure, ask away."
Reye popped her gum, hesitating a moment before saying, "So, Sweettooth…do you love Roger?"
Mark stared at her for a second, his eyes wide. His heart sped up slightly in nervousness. "What? No!...What gave you that idea?"
Reye laughed slightly. "I'm sorry…but I kind of got this…this feeling from the way you talked about him…mainly before you talked about Mimi dying… but just like…from the way you said things, from the look in your eyes… I mean, seriously, Mark, do you love him?"
Mark laughed, in an almost scoffing manner, before realizing how false he sounded and stopping. He was silent for a moment. "No… I mean…its not really like that. I mean, I love Roger…but in the same way I love Collins or Maureen, as a friend." He was silent for a moment longer, and Reye didn't say anything, just looked at him. Even though she didn't verbally doubt him at all, he couldn't shake the feeling that she was challenging his statement. "Well…okay… I guess you could say that I…used to have a slight crush on him… I mean I wouldn't say I ever loved him…in that way… But, yeah I guess I've had feelings that went a bit further than friendship...I don't know, maybe once...maybe."
Reye nodded. "Okay, I'm going to go on a hunch I have…so let me ask you something else, Mark… If I would have asked you back in August…or September even, if you loved him, in that way, what would you have said then?"
Mark was silent for a long time, and Reye thought he wasn't going to answer her when he met her eyes. "I think I would have said yes."
Reye nodded, looking slightly pleased with herself. "But now, its no?"
Mark sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Now it's more like, "How could it ever have been yes?'"
She nodded sadly. "That's a real shame, man."
He shrugged. "I don't know…maybe not. I mean, maybe its better this way. …I don't mean that its better that he decided he likes to fight with me and we're not really friends anymore… But all the same, maybe its better that I don't love him. Its not like anything could have ever come from it, not with Roger Davis. Not even in the old days."
They were both silent for a few minutes before Reye looked over at the camera. "Film me."
Mark immediately reached for his camera without realizing it. Realizing the absurdity of her statement he paused. "What?"
She grinned. "Film me. Come on, filmmaker, do what you do best."
He slowly picked his camera. "But why? Doing what?"
She popped her gum thoughtfully. "Um…making coffee."
He laughed. "Okay, sure. Who knows, maybe this will lead me to my new great idea."
She winked at the camera. "Of course it will, because everyone loves coffee and everyone loves me."
He raised an eyebrow. "Everyone loves you? That's a bit…arrogant of you."
She laughed. "True, true, I'm sure not everyone…just everyone who's met me."
Mark laughed again and proceeded to film her make a chai latte that she drank herself. As she was finishing Lactose walked in. Mark immediately got her on film. He had no footage of her and found her very intriguing.
"Hey Reye, Mark…What's going on?" Lydia asked, before sitting down.
"Sweettooth is shooting scenes for his new documentary about coffee and the glamorous, dangerous life of baristas." Reye answered.
Lactose smiled slightly. "Oh…but Reye, can he… I mean, I kind of need to talk to you…" she said softly.
Mark took this as his cue. "I think I'll get going now. Since I got my camera I'm going to get some more filming done before it gets too dark." He said, packing up.
Reye looked up, "Okay. Hey, want to go get Chinese with me tonight?" She stopped at the look on his face. "As friends, of course. Hungry friends."
He hesitated slightly before smiling. "Sure. Should I meet you here or what?"
She nodded. "Yeah, at nine. Don't worry about money, its on me. You can get it another time."
He smiled and agreed. He bid Lydia a bye and left.
He decided that he really didn't feel like going back up to the loft and so spent the whole time filming. He stumbled upon the two young girls again and couldn't resist, despite how wrong it felt, hiding his presence and filming them for a while. They were standing against the side of a building, wearing the same thing as last time. He had a sinking feeling they might be homeless, but they looked alright. They were talking animatedly, the blonde kept jumping back and forth as she spoke. After a few minutes they took off running someplace and Mark left to find something else to film.
He got back to the café at nine and they walked down to a small Chinese restaurant Mark had never been to. The food was really good though, and reasonably priced so he didn't feel too bad about letting Reye pay for it. They talked for a long while, about Roger, Maureen and Mark's films, about the homeless, music and movies and Reye's adventures while working at the café.
After the restaurant owner insisted that they leave, they ended up walking around for a bit, still talking. He loved talking with Reye. She was happy and friendly and caring and so interested in Mark's opinions on things. He wasn't used to any of it anymore, and although her bluntness sometimes caught him off guard and was a bit rude, it was still alright. Mark ended up not getting home until a little past midnight.
Walking into the loft, the filmmaker was surprised to see Roger still awake, poring over his lyrics notebook.
"Hey." He said as he walked past him. The musician didn't even look up to acknowledge him. Mark didn't bother trying again, he just went into his room, shut the door and lied down.
Shutting his eyes he let his mind race. Why is he like this? What the hell did I do to him? I had to have done something, there is no other explanation. …God, I can't deal with this anymore. How the fuck could I have ever thought I loved that man. I couldn't have. I never did. It was just a thought. That Reye is putting things in my head. She probably gets off on thinking of guys together. He frowned at that thought. He liked Reye, he didn't want to take his frustration out on her, even if it was only in his mind.
What do I do? What the hell can I do that I haven't already? His eyes opened when the realization hit him. I can't do anything. I can't fix this if he won't let me…I'm tired of this, I'm tired of him treating me like this. I do not care anymore. I give up.
"I fucking give up on you, Roger."
LINELINELINELINELINE
So that's it for now. Hope you guys approve. Please drop me a review to let me know. I'm sorry this took me so long. I HOPE I can get the next chapter out within a week or two. I have the one after that almost completely written (I tend to skip around when I write, hence why it takes me so long, I never write the chapter I'm supposed to when I'm supposed to).
Oh and for all you writers, check out Challenge Central! There's 30 challenges up now. If you've noticed stories with (this is for Challenge # etc) that's where they're getting the challenges from. Its under my profile. We're always looking for more entries.
