Hey all. I am SO SORRY about the absolutely INSANE wait!! I hope you all forgive me! I know its not much of an excuse but...college was insane, my organizations are kicking my ass, work, looking for work, and being poor without work takes a lot of time...plus I just could not get this chapter right, its a very important and very tough chapter...but I hope you guys like it. Thank you all SO much for all of the reviews and support! I hope that this was close to worth the wait...
I do not own RENT or any of the characters therein. I do not own creativity, I just slurp some up from the gutters of literature and insanity.
Frustration, Shock, and Uncertainty
Mark yawned, pushing his ramen around without much desire to finish it. It wasn't really that his body wasn't hungry, it was more his sour mood that ruined his appetite. Roger still wasn't talking to him, and Reye had a dentist appointment. He wasn't going to see her or Marshall until later that night; there was a party at Tank's house that they were all going to, together. He just had to get through the few hours between now and when he finally got to see them again. He had a strange feeling that he was getting a little too addicted to being around Marshall…and forgetting what it was like not to have Reye as a friend…but it wasn't like that was such a bad thing.
Imagine, friends who neither want to use me nor treat me less than kindly. What a nightmare! he thought with a laugh. He stirred around the noodles for a few minutes more before finally giving up on gaining any more appetite and rather guiltily threw them out, thinking of how they really didn't have the money to be wasting food.
At least ramen is incredibly cheap.
Roger wandered out of his room, going past Mark without a single glance as he made his way to the fridge. Mark rolled his eyes, deciding that he needed a shower.
LINE
Mark cringed in pain at the stinging in his eyes; he'd opened his eyes in surprise at the almost violent knocking on the door, shampoo quickly rushing into the sensitive membranes.
"What?" he yelled, running his face under the uneven water spray.
"Get the fuck outta there, I gotta piss!" Roger's angry voice came at him.
Mark groaned. Roger had pissed with him in the shower, and vice versa, hundreds of times. Why was he making such a deal out of it now?
The harsh pounding continued, Mark momentarily wondering if the door would hold.
"Would you just hold on?" he growled out, rinsing the remaining suds from his hair. Taking a final rinse, he shut the water off and grabbed his towel. The pounding didn't subside.
Oh just piss off the roof, why dontcha? Mark thought, annoyed.
"What the fuck is the hold up, you goddamn girl? Let me in!"
Mark rolled his eyes, roughly drying off for a moment before wrapping the towel around his waist and exiting the bathroom. Roger stood on the other side, looking frustrated.
"Bout fucking time, Cohen. I would've pissed in your bed, had you taken any longer." He said, sounded disgusted as he shoved past the puzzled filmmaker and slammed the bathroom door shut with a harsh bang.
Mark walked over his room, deciding that it was a nice enough day: he could go out filming until Tank's party.
LINELINELINE
Reye laughed, whacking Mark over the head with a breadstick.
"Hey! Don't get my hair all greasy just because your tights are hideous."
"Douche!" she laughed. "Like corduroys and plaid are designer. I'll have you know that color is lively, perfect for a party."
"Uh huh." Mark grinned, looking up and down at Reye's outfit: a skintight, black, long sleeved, sheer top under a turquoise belly shirt, a black mini-skirt, and topped off with tights covered in neon, multicolored splotches.
If she had some more make-up on and curlier hair, she'd make a perfect circus clown. Mark thought with a smirk.
"You know what, this is the last time I ask you what you think of my outfit. I guess not all gay men know style." She replied snarkily.
"Oh, I'm 'Gay' now, am I? I thought sexuality was undefined?" Mark teased.
Reye squinted at him. "Oh shut it." She tried being angry before bursting out laughing. "Fine, you win…But I'm still wearing the tights." She concluded, absently chewing on the breadstick she'd been whacking Mark with before.
Mark laughed, falling back on the couch he'd been lounging on. "So when are we gonna go?"
"Mm, as soon as Marshall gets here. He went to Kara's house for a bit. He should be back soon." She answered, her mouth half full of greasy bread.
"I see." He adjusted himself, pulling a pillow from an uncomfortable place at his spine and unceremoniously chucking it at Reye's head.
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Mark watched Marshall dance with Reye with a grin, laughing at the crazy, offbeat moves they made up to the funky dance music. Reye's wild arm movements and too high steps didn't do much to dissuade his clown image of her. Marshall suddenly turned, a laughing grin on his face as he held out his hand to Mark, beckoning him to join them. Mark hesitated only for a moment before Gina pushed him from behind, and he found himself bounding over to the dancing group and joining with his silly friends. They danced around together, the three of them not really standing out from the crowd of drunk and jubilant dancers.
Several songs later, Marshall wiped the sweat from his face, laughing as he grabbed Mark's hand, pulling him from the dance floor. Reye remained behind, pulling a nearby boy against her as she continued dancing. The boy didn't seem to mind at all, quickly adapting to her sense of (off)beat.
Marshall plopped down into a beat up armchair, pulling Mark down onto his lap. Mark blushed slightly, hoping that no one noticed but not particularly inclined to move. Instead, he leaned back lightly into the warm chest behind him, happily accepting the beer that Tyler offered him.
They talked for a while, Marshall, Tyler, Lillia, Canvas, Joey and himself, laughing and drinking cheap beer for over an hour. At a lull in the conversation, Tyler and Lillia stood up.
"We're heading off to the back for a bit...anyone want to go? We'll lead."
Mark squinted in slight confusion, but stayed silent as he watched Canvas and Joey decline.
Lillia looked at Marshall. "You wanna, Marsh? You're usually in the back."
Marshall shook his head, "Not this time, bo'peep, but thanks anyways." He caught the look she sent Mark and intervened before she could ask. "Mark's good too. Try my sis; Reye'll usually go in for a pinch." They agreed and walked off.
Mark scrunched his brow. "Did I miss something or did you just get invited to an orgy?" he whispered in Marshall's ear.
The photographer laughed, nearly losing it. "No, babes, no, definitely not an orgy." he chuckled. "I'll explain another time."
Mark accepted this with a shrug, going back to the conversation as Joey asked him a question. Marshall squeezed his waist, getting his attention.
"I'm going to go grab a drink, Tank said he had some patron and that he'd save me a bit. You want me to bring you a shot?"
"Yeah sure, just a little…and a chaser." Mark answered, getting off Marshall's lap and letting him stand.
"Okay, I'll be back in a min, babes." Marshall leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before disappearing into the kitchen. Mark settled back into the armchair.
After a few minutes Reye drifted in and perched herself on the arm of Mark's chair. By this time, Joey and Canvas had gotten up to dance and Mark and her were the only ones in a two-foot radius. Reye grinned down at Mark crookedly. "Heya Sweettooth." She crooned.
"You dance with that boy all this time?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows.
She laughed. "Nah, he was hopeless. Couldn't even dance well." She sighed, leaning back into his shoulder.
Mark looked at her. "You seem pleased about something, though. Find someone else?"
She shook her head slowly. "Nah… well, I gave this guy a blow job, but he wasn't nothing special. I just owed him one."
Mark gaped at her, shocked into silence for a moment. "You did what?" he stuttered after the shock wore off.
She chuckled, looking up at him through her lashes from her place on his shoulder. "I bet you think I'm a whore, now, huh?" she was patronizing him.
He shook his head. "No...no, you're not a whore…I don't really believe in that…its just that I don't get why you'd do something so...cheap. You don't need to do stuff like that, Reye, not if you don't care about someone…its so demeaning...its so not you." He was seriously surprised, it didn't seem like Reye to do something like that. She was such a strong person. 'Owing' someone a sexual act seemed…below her.
She opened her eyes wider and gazed at him before laughing. She leaned towards him, coming close to his face with a lazy smirk. "Baby, you don't know what I'm like."
Mark's eyes widened as he stared at her. Her eyes...he had seen those eyes before, many times. "Reye...are you high?" he asked quietly.
She laughed. "You're a sharp one, Sweettooth."
Mark groaned, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand as he fell back against the couch, pushing her gently off him in the same movement. Life felt surreal. "On what?" he asked, not positive he wanted to know.
"Junk, H, the bitch, demon sugar, dragon." She named off, almost tauntingly.
Mark sat up straight and peered at her. "You mean heroin?" he asked, disbelief touching his tone.
She nodded, a lazy smile still on her face. He fell back against the chair again, moving so he wasn't even touching her. "Oh that is just terrific." He muttered sardonically.
She smiled and fell back against him, "Ain't it, Sweettooth?"
He sighed. A cold feeling was spreading throughout his whole body, and he suddenly felt so frustrated and angry that it was like physical pain. "No, no not at all...Where's your brother at? Does he know what you're doing?" He started looking around for the photographer until Reye's laughter made him look over at her.
"Back room, Sweetie. You'll find him in the back room."
Mark rubbed at his eyes. "He does it too, doesn't he?" he asked softly, the earlier conversation with Tyler and Lillia suddenly making a whole lot more sense.
Reye nodded.
He sighed. Come on Life, give me a fucking break. At least once. And it had to be fucking heroin again. Fate hates me. He struggled to grasp onto the conversation; it felt as if his life was spinning out of control and he could barely hold on for the ride.
"God Reye, why would you do it? Why? What about my story? Don't you remember any of that shit I told you? I told you about April, about Mimi, about Roger, how could you hear that and still take this shit?" his voice was shaking now.
She opened her eyes and peered at him. "M'not an addict. Promise." She murmured.
He rested his head in his hands for a few moments. I can't deal with this. I cannot fucking take this. I thought I found some fucking normal friends for once. Is the whole world on drugs? He took another look at Reye, but he knew it was no use at all to talk to her while she was in this state.
Standing he said, "I'm going to go home now, Reye. I'll see you Monday at the cafe."
She looked up at him with a lopsided smile. "Okie dokie, Marky. I'm going to go dance now."
He watched her get up and dance over towards the music, more drifting on her foot than walking. Shaking his head, he headed towards the door when a hand landed on his shoulder. He turned to see Marshall looking at him, concern shining in his golden eyes and cups cradled in his other hand.
"What's going on, babes? Are you leaving?" he inquired.
Mark nodded. "Yeah. I don't feel comfortable here."
Marshall frowned, "Why, what happened?"
"Heroin happened." Mark muttered before turning towards the door again. His hand was on the doorknob when a hand landed on his shoulder again. "Marshall, this whole thing has just blown my mind and you're probably floating so high you don't give a shit."
"Mark, I'm not high." Mark turned around.
"Seriously? Reye said you were."
Marshall leaned forward. "Mark, look at my eyes. I'm not high. You saw me turn it down earlier."
Mark leaned towards him slightly. A smile touched his lips when he saw the golden green orbs, pupils at their normal size. "You aren't high...are you?" He said, relief evident in his voice.
Marshall smiled. "Not at all."
The slight smile fell from the filmmaker's face as he thought of something. "But normally, you would be." It wasn't a question.
Marshall looked at him for a moment before answering, "Yes, not always but sometimes I would. I wasn't ever going to do it around you until I had talked to you first." He let the answer sink in before continuing. "Do you want to take a walk? If you want, I could just walk you home?"
Mark was silent for a moment. The truth was, he liked Marshall. More than he ever expected himself to. And Reye was…well, somewhere along the line she had become his best friend. And the heroin thing stung that much worse because of that. ...And yet...maybe he could find out about it, see if it was something he could talk Reye and him out of. He sighed. Truth be told, he just wanted to have some hope for them. Both of them. They were worth the trouble…and he didn't want to have to give them up.
"Okay, a walk sounds good."
A smile touched Marshall's face. "Good... Do you want your drink right quick before we go?"
Mark chuckled softly. "Yeah, I could really use that."
They left, walking for a short while in silence. Mark knew it wasn't the smartest action to be walking around Alphabet City at night, especially since there were only two of them. But it wasn't like either of them had anything worth stealing anyways. After a moment, Marshall looked over at him. Mark met his eyes and sighed.
"Why do you do it?"
Marshall smiled sadly. "Honestly? Because there's no why not."
Mark stared at him in disbelief. "No why not? Do you have any idea what that shit did to my best friend, to his girlfriend...girlfriends, to my fucking life? There are so many reasons why not. Its illegal for one, you can get HIV from the needles, it fucking kills your body, you get addicted and it runs your life...you become a different person while on it. I should know, I had to live with a fucking heroin version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and help him through withdrawal. You can't act like heroin isn't a big deal." He couldn't quite help the quick, high, almost panicked tone to his voice, not even embarrassed over it at this point.
After he finished, Marshall stared at him for a while. "Wow...Reye never told me about any of that. It makes me really glad I didn't do up tonight. Look...I don't want to argue with you...but understand that I'm not stupid. Reye and I have our own needles, and we don't share with anyone. And we aren't addicts, we just shoot up ever once in a while, chase the dragon at parties sometimes. And a lot of our friends do it, we keep each other in check. We're careful about everything. And it hasn't been too long that we've been doing it. We just like to have fun, feel good every once in a while…" he paused for a few moments, but Mark didn't move to interrupt him. "And as for health...everything hurts your health: cigarettes, alcohol, salt, coffee...and heroin is probably better than all of those..." Marshall looked at Mark for a moment, who stayed silent.
"Look Mark, I never once thought I'd do heroin. I thought it was a foolish thing to do and a dangerous thing to get caught up in. I was afraid of getting addicted...and honestly I never even saw the point. But one night at a party Reye tried it...she was always so much more open to things than I was. She started up after that, and I didn't like it but I couldn't stop her…She's an adult, she makes her own choices…and as much as I act like her big brother, I have no right to control her. She was always raving about it, saying how good it feels…So one night I gave it a shot...and it was amazing. And I honestly don't regret it now, because I'm not addicted...neither of us are, and I'm always smart about it. We don't do it every day, or even every week…It's just like alcohol. Not everyone who drinks becomes an alcoholic. Some do, but many don't. Its all about control."
They had stopped walking at some point, and now Mark stood, starring Marshall in the face. He felt like screaming and crying at the same time, and some strange part of him was actually finding a bit of reason in Marshall's words. He stopped that train of thought before it got too far, though.
"How long until it controls you?" he asked quietly.
Marshall took his hand, stroking the knuckles softly. "If you really hate it so much, I won't use anymore. I told you that I'm not addicted, its nothing for me to quit…I wouldn't hold out much hope for Reye to stop, she's strong headed, that one… But I will… if that's even good enough."
Mark continued to stare at him, unsure what to think anymore.
Marshall took a hard breath. "Tell you what, babes, you think about me…us…for a bit, and leave me a note at the café…let me know if we can still work." He leaned forward, and Mark let him place a light kiss on his cheek. With that, Marshall turned and started walking away, and Mark continued on his way home in a slight daze.
That night, he tossed and turned for hours, going over everything in his mind…and not sure what he even thought anymore.
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SO..what'd you think? Please let me know, this was a really hard chapter to get out…I actually rewrote it…quite a few times, and I still don't think its quite right. Something about Marshall's speech still isn't sitting right with me…but its done, so that's that. Reviews are very much loved! ;)
