Chapter Twenty-Four
Ella didn't want to move.
She didn't even want to breathe.
Three weeks, two days, 5 hours, and 17 minutes had passed since they'd returned from Lola Sayu without her husband, and she hadn't moved.
Not an inch.
Not unless she had to go to the restroom.
She lay, curled in a ball on her bed in the same clothes she'd been wearing when she found out he was gone.
Gone.
Echo's gone.
She cried into his pillow for the thousandth time that morning, gripping tightly to it, trying to keep his scent in her lungs. Even it was fading away, where no one would ever be able to bring it back.
Bing bing bing! Bing bong bing! Bing bing bing! Bing bong bing!
Ella groaned and looked to her desk. The hologram device was flaring blue, indicating an incoming call.
Her mom.
Suddenly she needed to move.
She needed her mom.
Practically falling out of bed, she dragged her feet across the floor until she slumped into the chair and grabbed the holo device, pressing the answer button as quickly as her shaky hands would allow.
"Hey El-! Ella?" her mom sounded so confused and concerned. "Honey, what's wrong?"
Ella choked on a sob, "Oh, Mama!"
"Shhh," her mom soothed. "Tell me what happened sweetie."
Ella hiccuped and tried to breathe normally so she could form a cohesive sentence. It came out disjointed. "There-there was an explos-explosion! Echo..."
Her mom gasped. "No..."
Ella nodded, sobbing harder, feeling another claw drag across her heart, worsening her fresh wound. Tears streamed down her face.
"Mama, what's wrong?" Amon's sweet voice asked. "Why's Ella crying?"
"Baby... this is really hard news. Ella... Echo was killed."
Amon gasped, and Ella saw his figure shaking his head, "N-No! B-But he's... he's an ARC Trooper! He's my ori'vod! He's not... he's not!"
Ella moaned, her stomach churning. Standing quickly, she ran to the fresher and hurled into the toilet, emptying what little had been in her stomach. Not much. She hadn't eaten in days. Had barely slept.
Rinsing her mouth, she walked back to the hologram. Her mother had explained everything to the boys and was going up to her room.
"Ella, I'm coming over there. Don't ask me not to. Don't try to make excuses. They won't work. I'm coming."
Ella sniffled, "Please come, Mama. I need you."
She smiled into the camera. Ella wanted nothing more than to have her hold her.
"I'm coming, Ellie girl. You just sit tight. Okay?"
She nodded shakily.
"Now I want you to take a shower, eat, and drink some water right now. You haven't been taking care of yourself at all. I know. It's really hard. But you have to think about what he'd want now. Would he want you to starve yourself to death and give up?"
Ella shook her head. No. Echo would put her needs before his own. He always did. Always. He'd drag her out of bed and bathe her, beg and plead until she ate and drank enough to satisfy him, and find a way to make her smile again.
Oh Echo...
"Right. Go see Kix too. Have him make sure you're healthy. You got sick just now, didn't you?"
"Yeah. I've been feeling woozy these last few days."
"Hmm. Maybe it's your lack of food and the grief, but I'm not sure. When was your last cycle?"
Ella froze. When had it been?
It was supposed to start two weeks ago.
"I don't know."
Her mother's eyebrows shot up. "Um, okay. You need to go take a test, Ella. And definitely start eating."
I can't be pregnant. I was on the pill.
When was the last time we...? Oh. I hadn't taken it then.
Ella nodded mutely. "Okay. When will you be here, Mama?"
"As soon as I can be. I'll pack now. Hold on, sweetie. It's going to be alright."
Ella smiled sadly. "Thanks Mama."
"I'll be there soon. I love you."
"I love you, Mama."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Ella sighed and walked into the shower, letting the warm spray wash away the grime she'd let gather.
This wasn't her. She was clean and fresh, like dew falling over a field of lilies.
Scrubbing herself clean, she pulled on some comfortable clothes and twisted her hair into a messy bun, then steeled herself and walked out of the door.
The first person she ran into was Fives. His eyes widened when he saw her and he pulled her into a hug. "Gosh, Ella, I was just going to check on you. I was terrified I'd go in and find a body instead of my friend."
Ella shrugged against his chest, "He wouldn't want that."
"Going to eat?"
She nodded. "Not really hungry, but yes. Mama made me. She called. She's coming."
Fives nodded, "That's good. Well, I'll bring you."
She sighed and walked with him.
The walk was silent until they crossed paths with Jesse and Hardcase. The two immediately embraced her, whispered that they had missed her and were glad she was out and about.
"Everyone's really worried about you," Hardcase admitted. "We like you, you know. You're the favorite here. We can't let anything happen to you."
She almost smiled at that, squeezing him tighter to make up for it.
"We're headed to the mess," Fives informed.
"That's where we were going. Hardcase here is so hungry it's annoying," Jesse sassed.
Hardcase just rolled his eyes, "My stomach is a talented singer. You should be paying it."
His friend just groaned and followed them.
When they got to the mess, Ahsoka immediately waved at them from her spot with Vaughn, Rogue, and Chopper. Ella hugged her and sat down.
"We were all worried about you," she said.
"Is suicide that common when something like this happens?" Ella asked.
Vaughn shook his head, "No. we just... didn't know what to expect. Nothing to this degree has happened before. Brothers lose brothers. Friends lose friends. But never a wife losing her husband."
She nodded, carefully sipping the clear broth that Rogue gave her. Suddenly she was more ravenous than she'd ever been in her life and she began eating frantically, draining the bowl in seconds.
She looked up to see her friends gaping at her. Ella swallowed in embarrassment and looked down.
But Hardcase just grabbed her another bowl and set it before her again. "This time, slowly."
She nodded and forced herself to do as he said and not guzzle it down.
Chopper smiled at her shyly and drank some of his caf.
She tried to smile back, but suddenly the strong odor of coffee infiltrated her nostrils and shot down her throat. Her stomach grumbled in warning.
Ella gasped and shot up, running into the kitchen in time to lose her lunch into the wide trash bin.
"Nurse Starrow! You okay?"
Ella tried to answer, but smelled the coffee grounds in the trash and threw up again, retching pitifully.
Someone rubbed her back and held the strands of her hair that had escaped back.
She finally stopped and went to rinse her mouth, then turned to see... Dogma?
He shrugged, "I was closest to this door. And I didn't get to thank you for saving my life that day. So I just..." he shrugged. "I'm not good at words. I just want to say I'm so sorry. I know... I found out about your marriage. I'm so sorry about what happened."
Ella bit her lip and nodded. "Thank you, Dogma."
His eyes widened in astonishment. "You... you remembered my name?"
She nodded, "You got a tattoo since I saw you last."
He shrugged bashfully. "Yeah. Guess I did." Then he shifted, "Do you want to go back out, or you still need the bin?"
She shrugged, "I think I'm okay. It's... the coffee. I don't know why, but it made me feel nauseous."
He furrowed his brow, "Ever done that before?"
She shook her head, "No. Never."
He nodded, "How about I bring you to Kix? You might need him to check for sickness or something."
She nodded. "Okay. Thanks Dogma."
He smiled shyly, "My pleasure, ma'am."
"Just Ella," she said, a little belatedly.
They stopped at her table first to tell them she was alright.
"What happened?" Jesse asked.
She shrugged, "I don't know. I think it was smelling coffee. Everything was fine, then I smelled coffee and it was too much."
Chopper looked guilty, "You mean my coffee."
"It's not your fault. It's never bothered me before now; if I didn't know how could you have?" she placated. "Anyway, I'm going to the medbay. See y'all around?"
They nodded. "See you, Ella!"
She tried to smile, but couldn't. Her lips felt too heavy to lift.
•~§~•
Kix was sitting at his desk, looking completely bored when she came in. Instantly, relief washed over his face.
"I'm glad you're here," he just said.
Ella nodded, "Well... me too. Just... I'm not feeling well."
The concern was back and he came over, guiding her to a medical table. "Symptoms?"
She leaned back, "Nausea, sensitivity to smell, insomnia... well, that might just be..."
His face was pinched in sympathetic pain for her. Losing Echo hadn't been easy on anyone, but Kix was one of the few who worked closely with Ella. He cared very much about the sweet girl who brightened his medbay and cared for his brothers so tenderly.
"When was your last cycle?" he asked.
She sighed, "It was supposed to start the week after the mission to Lola Sayu."
"Supposed to," he noted. "So it hasn't in what, three weeks?"
She nodded. "Yes."
He hummed and rifled through a drawer. "I didn't think I'd be needing to give you these for a while. Got them right before you married, actually, just in case. Still, I thought it would take longer."
"Huh?" She was very confused.
He turned and handed her a box. "There's instructions on the back, but it's pretty straightforward. Pee on it and then wait."
Ella looked at the box in her hand.
Pregnancy tests.
Could she be?
She hesitantly crept into one of the medbay freshers and did what he'd said. It was... strange to say the least.
It also felt strange, otherworldly, to be leaning against the cold wall of the fresher for the waiting time, thoughts racing at a hundred miles a minute.
What if she was pregnant? What would she do?
Well that was answered simply enough. She'd love that baby with everything in her.
But how would she care for it on her own? That little child had once had a father who'd have loved it with all his heart.
Echo would've been an amazing father, she thought to herself, tearing up at the thought of his handsome face and loving eyes, his arms around her, his voice whispering how beautiful and loved she was.
Beep!
Holding her breath, she looked at the stick.
Ella gasped, stumbling back against the wall for support.
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she lay her hand across her stomach.
Her womb where Echo's baby was growing, right now.
Oh, Maker!
Someone knocked at the door and she opened it and hugged them without looking.
"Ella?" Fives asked, concerned when he heard her sniffles and felt the trembling.
She sucked in a breath and wiped her eyes, then handed him the stick that had changed everything.
Fives gasped, his eyes wide as he looked at her with awe. "You... you're...?!"
She nodded.
Fives turned around, whirling like a bull in a china shop. "Kix! Kix! Get over here, quick!"
The medic sprinted over, his eyes bright with panic. "What! What is it!"
Fives thrust the test into his hand and waited for him to read it.
Kix gasped and did the same look of awe, then looked woozy, swaying on his feet.
Fives grabbed him and steadied him. "No! You can't faint, you di'kut! You need to check the heartbeat!"
He shook himself and nodded, guiding her to the bed again. "Pull your shirt up."
Ella pulled it up to her chest and let him slather her belly with bactalike goo. Then he took some weird microphones and moved it around.
Whom, whom, whom, whom, whom.
Tears afresh trickled down her face as she listened to that heartbeat, Echo's heartbeat ringing through in his baby.
"How far along?" she asked as he ran tests and took blood and a million other things.
He smiled, "Date of conception was the departure for the Citadel. No doubt. That puts you at almost a month."
"Our baby… our little baby..." she murmured to herself, trying not to cry.
Just then, Fives, who had rushed from the room the second she lay on the bed to be examined, stormed back inside, pulling Rex and Ahsoka with him, the General and his brothers in tow.
"What's that noise?" Tup asked.
Ahsoka and Anakin froze.
"What is it?" Rex asked, seeing their stricken faces.
Ahsoka whispered, "Ella's gonna have a baby."
The whole room fell silent as the occupants drank in that strong heartbeat.
Rex was the first to move and knelt by the new mother's bedside, taking her hand. "Ella... I know the father you want to be here can't be here. And I know no one can replace him. I wouldn't ever suggest it. But I promise you, we'll help you. You won't be alone."
"Yeah, Ella," Jesse said. "We promised Echo that we'd be the best uncles a kid can wish for. Just because he isn't here doesn't mean that those promises are useless."
"I'll help too!" Ahsoka piped up, a little dewy-eyed.
"And me. Padmé will kill me if I don't at least volunteer," Anakin said. "She's baby crazy. She'll probably half-adopt your kid."
"What are you going to name them?" Vaughn asked timidly.
Ella smiled, just barely but a real smile. She had a reason to go on.
"I don't know yet. But it will be good whatever the name. Oh my gosh... I can't believe it. I just can't believe it."
And they all hugged her and listened to the sound of their brother's heartbeat, echoing in his tiny son or daughter.
•~§~•
Mama and Galene knew before she could say anything. It might've been that her head was half out of the toilet as she succumbed to another bout of morning sickness, and she had left her data pad open on the desk when she'd been reading about the first trimester.
Needless to say, the response was bittersweet.
Mama knew. Of course she did. She knew just how difficult it was for her to face parenthood without the other half beside her.
"I know this is difficult, Ella," she said. "I know you're happy about your baby but wish things were different. And that's okay. That's absolutely fine. I wouldn't ever tell you to forget him. I know that would be impossible. You don't love someone like that and then throw those special memories out the window."
"They'll want to know about their daddy," Galene said. "I know I would. They'll probably ask all the time about him."
Ella nodded, "I thought about that. I think I'll collect as much as I can that's his and try to make a memory box, or something. Then, one day, when they ask, I can take it out and tell them about the significance of every single thing there, and he can be more real to them."
They nodded then hugged her.
"I'm so happy for you, despite the difficult time this pregnancy chose to emerge," Galene said.
Ella nodded, "You know the funny thing is, I am too. I think maybe this will make it... easier? I don't know." She shook her head. "I don't think it'll ever get easier to live without him. I can't forget the way he held me, loved me, made me feel. I can't forget the love glowing like liquid amber in the golden flecks of his eyes, or how the corners of his eyes crinkled when he thought something was funny. Or his drawling singing in my shower. I think he deliberately did it to tease me and make me feel good about my own voice."
She hummed, smiling just a little at the thought of his shower-damp hair, his smell like fresh air and cinnamon.
She sniffled a little. "He loved my cinnamon muffins. And he made me cinnamon rolls the first morning he ever stayed at the apartment. He had three freckles on his stomach like little stars, and whenever I played with his hair he practically melted into a puddle of purring happiness."
She lay her hand on her flat belly, shutting her eyes as she remembered some of his final words to her.
'I love you, Ella. Don't ever doubt it. I'll be home before you know it.'
She sighed. "I just wish he could be here to share our baby with me, and love them as purely and totally as he loved me."
:
:
:
:
:
Thoughts?
:
:
:
