Chapter Twenty-Six
Ella stood up on the bridge with Captain Rex, looking out at the endless sea that was the world of Mon Calamari. The sun seemed to just be rising, but Ella has been up for hours. Her dark circles were evidence of that; it was hard to sleep when the baby was constantly moving and waking her up.
No, Ella, you cannot be mad at the baby. Be happy it's moving so much. It's healthy. That's what you want!
Ella sighed and patted Rex's shoulder as he spoke into his wrist comlink.
"All squadrons are in position, General Fisto. You may deploy when ready."
"Commencing deployment now," came the buoyant voice of one of the most cheerful jedi.
Rex sighed and turned to her. "That's all I needed to do. Are you ready?"
Ella smiled, "Yes. You wanna go now?"
Rex chuckled and scratched the back of his head, "Let's get this over with."
She giggled and wrinkled her nose at him. "Regardless of the gender, you don't have to dye your hair until the reveal. It would give it away anyway."
He nodded, "I'm crossing my fingers, Ella. I do not want pink hair."
"But you'd look so cute! It'd match your glamorous personality!" she teased.
He rolled his eyes, "Yeah. Glamorous. Let's get you to the medbay; you're obviously delirious."
She nodded, then groaned. "Ugh..."
"What?"
She sighed, "They're jumping on my bladder again! I swear, it's like I have a target on it and the baby's always hitting the bullseye! I feel like I've peed more than I ever have in my life ever since they learned they could move!"
Rex shook his head, "Can't say I'm envious."
She snickered, "Gosh, that would be kinda funny."
He groaned, rubbing his temples, "That would be a kriffing nightmare. Let's go before Kix thinks we've jumped out the airlock."
"You mean that you've jumped out and pulled me with you."
"Come on."
She did as he said, but let her giggles free as she walked. The troopers around her smiled. She supposed they had all been worried that she'd never laugh again after the death of her husband.
Ella found that she was surprised herself, but it was getting easier to be happy. If she had his baby, it was like he was with her, and she wasn't all alone. She had the product of their love blissfully bouncing on her bladder; what was more joyful than that?
Kix grinned when they entered. "How are you today, Ella?"
She smiled softly, rubbing her already bulging womb and sighing, "Tired. Baby won't let me sleep. They're quite the active little one; always on the go, using my bladder as a trampoline and my ribs as a springboard. Oh, can I borrow the fresher?"
Kix laughed, "As long as you give it back."
"No promises," she shot back as she cast a silly face over her shoulder and made her escape.
She returned a few minutes later and slipped onto the bed. Kix spread the weird gel on her tummy and the heartbeat called to them through the monitor. Then he turned something else on and they all gasped.
Tiny, but distinct in the fuzzy black and white of the ultrasound, was the outline of her baby. The head was a little bit large for the body, but that was normal. It would change as the baby matured.
"Oh my gosh, they're so beautiful!" Ella breathed.
Rex smiled, his eyes awed as he looked at that precious little life. The baby seemed so much more real now that he was looking at them, even through the distortion.
"Ready to find out what this little one is?" Kix asked excitedly.
Ella nodded emphatically, "Yes please!"
There was a pause as he looked. The short stint of quiet seemed to go on forever, and Rex and Ella were on the edges of their seats. Ella was crossing her fingers that she'd figure out a name for her child if it wasn't the gender she accidentally planned for. Rex was praying that he could keep his hair normal, please.
"Ok! I found out. What do you think it is, guys?" he exclaimed a few minutes later.
"Girl!" Rex pleaded.
Ella nodded, then smirked at Rex, a wicked gleam in her eye, "I think it's a boy; Rex will look so glitzy with pink hair. Be sure to add extra glitter, Rex. You can't be a proper diva without glitter."
"Please, no!" Rex begged.
"Well, Rex," Kix drawled, thoroughly enjoying the power he wielded over his worst patient. He'd take Hardcase over Rex any day, and that was really saying something.
"Please!" Rex implored, almost in tears and looking as if he were about to go on his knees to add to the gravity of the situation. "Please, Kix!"
Kix laughed and decided to end his misery.
"Congratulations, Ella. You have a little girl."
"Thank the Maker!" Rex breathed, sighing in relief.
Ella couldn't even pretend to pout. She was having a little girl. A sweet, precious little angel. She couldn't wait. She'd always prayed for a daughter. She'd prayed for a sister, and that didn't turn out; at least not biologically, as Galene, Ahsoka, Padmé, and Riyo were basically to sisters to her. She told God when her mother said no more after Amon that since he hadn't answered her prayers for a sister, he better come through with a daughter or there would be words.
"I can't pretend I'm not ecstatic!" she squealed.
"Do you have a name?" Kix asked.
She nodded, "Yes I do. But you'll have to wait until they all return to find out."
The boys pouted, but were consoled by the fact that they were the only ones who knew about their niece.
Ella smiled to herself as she parted ways with them and walked to her room. She immediately went to the pregnancy calendar she'd ordered, which hung on the wall beside her bed, and checked off week 21.
In a few hours, it will have been six months that I've been pregnant.
She began to smile when another thought snarled into her head.
It'll be six months since you've been a widow too.
Ella sat down on her bed and hugged his pillow, crying into it.
Who had she been kidding? Nothing made Echo's loss easier! Yes it was less difficult to smile with the baby as a welcome distraction, but his absence burned like a sith lightsaber, slowly dragging in and out of her heart, and she couldn't be killed from it, so the torture went on, never ending agony.
She was glad Rex was sticking by her so nobly. He really was her brother now, and she didn't know what she'd do without him. But it should've been Echo who was first to hear the news that his offspring was a little girl. It should've been Echo picking out baby names with her. He should be wondering how to put together baby furniture, and holding her in the night when the baby kept her awake. He should be obsessively watching their wedding video, and groaning over the fact that one day he'd have to give his little girl away to a man who could break her sweet heart.
She shouldn't be alone.
Ella couldn't feel angry at Echo. Never at him. She knew that he'd be here if he were alive; he'd crawl back to her, every mile. But he couldn't. He was gone.
The stupid Separatists had taken him from her, from their little baby.
Ella hit the pillow, a harsh groaning cry falling from her lips at the contact. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair! They just took, and took, and took.
She hated them.
She despised them with everything in her.
And she felt so alone. How could she be everything this baby needed? How could she do this without Echo?
But suddenly, she remembered that she wasn't alone. The Maker had promised.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
She could be strong as long as he was with her. He would guide her and comfort her. It would all be okay; somehow, someday, things would be okay. Even if she had to raise this little daughter without her husband, she could do it because she wasn't without help, not ever.
She lifted her hands from her sides to rest in front of her, almost meditatively, but with more desperation and reverence. More of a wanting for someone instead of a connection with a force of nature.
"Maker... you know my pain. You see my fear. I can't say I know tomorrow. But that's okay. Tomorrow will come without me worrying or not. And I can't change what will happen in it. I can just hold onto you, the one who doesn't change, and you'll hold me. That's all I need; I need you to hold me."
She felt tears slide down her face as she sniffled and continued. Warmth was filling her heart and surrounding her like an embrace. She couldn't prove it to anyone, but she felt arms around her. She heard the beating of a steady heart, and felt an all encompassing love.
This was what she needed.
"I miss Echo," she whispered brokenly. "I miss my husband so much. I've talked to people... they've started to tell me it's time I moved on. That he wouldn't want me to be single forever. But, Maker... I can't! I just love him! I still love him, even though he's gone. I just... if I'm supposed to let go of him and move on, why isn't it easier? Why does it feel so wrong?"
Just hold on, came her answer. Just hold on.
And she did. She held on with all her might to that comforting presence that soaked up her agony like a sponge, that filled her heart with peace and promises that were unbreakable. Words of 'never will I leave or forsake you,' 'I am with you wherever you go,' and 'For I hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you,"' overflowed into her heart.
She was safe.
She was loved.
She was precious and wonderfully made.
And he was making a miracle in her, a living testimony of the profound love that had been given her, even for a short time.
Her anger was gone.
Joy spring up; a balm for her bruised soul.
No, she couldn't move on from Echo. But that was okay. She didn't have to do anything until she and the Maker were ready. She could love Echo the rest of her life and that would be okay. That was her choice. She'd be stanged if she let anyone else make it for her.
•~§~•
The Resolute was a regular hustle and bustle as the brothers of the fallen father anxiously waited in the mess for the gender and name reveal. Several were eagerly eyeing the tasty-looking cupcakes off to the side. They were all vanilla with white icing, coated in iridescent sprinkles, carefully teasing them as they couldn't use them as a reference to what the new baby would be.
"When is she going to get here?" Rogue asked Wander.
The medic shrugged. "I think she was getting Kix to print out the ultrasound picture or something. Then she was heading straight here."
"I just hope she's soon! I can't wait to see the captain dye his hair pink!" Hardcase giggled evilly.
Ahsoka rolled her eyes, "You silly boy. And I thought you were just excited about the cupcakes."
"I know I am!" Anakin laughed.
"How about you, Fives?" Jesse asked jovially. "How are you today?"
Fives cracked a smile. Finally. It had been months. "I think Echo would be ecstatic right now, whatever the baby will be. I'm just excited to see if I'll be having a niece or a nephew, and I can't wait to find out his or her name."
"Eh, it'll be a boy. We'll teach him everything," Hardcase said confidently.
"I kind of want it to be a girl," Chopper admitted quietly.
"Me too," Charge agreed. "I think Echo would love to have a little girl."
"Look! They're here!" Vutyc called above the noise, which rapidly quieted at the sight of Ella. She wore a long white dress with an array of wildflowers sprayed across it as if someone had stood in a circle and shot an assortment of them out of a Z-6.
"Well, I just want to thank you all for coming today," she said meekly. "I'm very excited. I know that many, if not all of you are as well. Some are on the edges of their seats in anticipation, either from concern or excitement, you can tell me. I know what Rex is feeling." She winked.
They all laughed.
"Before I make the announcement, via the giant tarp of confetti floating above you," she pointed to the hanging object, "let's have a show of hands. Who here thinks it will be a boy?"
About three-quarters of the gathered men raised their hands.
"Okay. And how many of you say it's a girl?"
Most of the remaining hands were raised.
"Okay. Who just doesn't know?"
All of them raised their hands, making her laugh.
"Well, I meant who couldn't decide which to lean towards, but I guess that works too!" She sighed, and grabbed the cord attached to the tarp. "Okay! Who's ready?"
They all cheered excitedly.
"Ladies and gents, here we go! Let's see if Rex can stay a blond!"
They laughed, then counted down with her.
"Three! Two! ONE!"
A shower of pink fell around them, and though some 'awwed' disappointedly at first, they quickly joined the cheer.
"I'm having a baby girl!" she squealed joyfully: "And her name is Ayah Ilene Starrow."
Everyone knew where 'Ayah' came from, and paused a moment, remembering their fallen brother.
Then they brightened and cheered, because there was a new, sweet life coming to the Resolute. Everyone was happy as they began handing out the cupcakes.
But no one was as happy as the captain, who vowed never to bet anything on his hair color again, even if he was 95% sure of what the outcome would be.
It was a good day.
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