Lucy has decided to give Lincoln her bed, so she is curled up on her side in the big bed in the guest room. She regrets wearing short sleeves to sleep, now she's cold, but she doesn't want to go back into her room and risk waking Lincoln up. She knows she's not happy with what she did tonight, but she panicked.
Her brain circles around, and around, why she feels so responsible for Lincoln. It's way too late. She should have been asleep hours ago, but her brain hasn't been able to turn off. Her eyes are just starting to drift closed when they shoot open at the sound of the door creaking. In the shadowy glow from the moon, coming through the large window, she can see Lincoln peek her head around. Her eyes are barely open, like she's just woken up but, when she speaks, her voice still sounds like it does in the middle of the afternoon.
"Peach, you awake?"
"Mhm, what's wrong?"
Lucy pushes herself to sit up, crossing her arms across her body to try and keep warm. Lincoln reminds her of what she must look like when she walks into Beca and Chloe's room in the middle of the night.
"I, uh, I can't sleep."
Lucy pulls the blankets back and Lincoln pauses, for just a moment, before walking over and climbing into the bed. It's a large enough mattress that there could be nearly a foot between them, but Lincoln adjusts so that theeir elbows are touching.
"That happens to me all the time."
"I don't really love sleeping places that aren't my own bed." Lincoln admits.
"Me either. That's why I've never been to a sleepover." Lucy's eyes widen at the sudden admission.
Lincoln doesn't react, other than a slow, understanding, nod. She lays back against the pillows and Lucy does the same. It's strange how everything feels so different in the dark. In this new space, in this new situation, Lucy feels almost like she doesn't know Lincoln at all. She rolls onto her side, and Lincoln does the same, resting her cheek in the palm of her hand.
"This is kind of weird, isn't it?"
"What is?" Lucy asks, not wanting to say the wrong thing.
"Me being here."
"I wouldn't have said anything if I thought it would be weird for you to be here."
"Not thinking it will be weird, and realizing it's weird when it's too late, are two different things."
Lucy scoffs and puts a hand over her mouth. She doesn't want to be too loud and risk Beca or Chloe coming in and getting angry.
"Thinking it's weird when it's not, and saying it's weird which then makes it weird, are two different things too."
"Fair, I guess."
"We're friends. This shouldn't be weird."
"Yeah," Lincoln says, wistfully, "you're right."
She rolls onto her back and clasps her hands over her stomach. Lucy does the same, suddenly very aware of how much space she is taking up, how heavily she's breathing, and where all of her limbs are. She crosses her legs over each other and scoots, just barely, toward the side of the bed.
"Hey Lucy?"
"Mhm?"
Lincoln's voice barely registers, as sleep finally starts to take Lucy.
"I'm glad I'm here."
"Me too."
"I wish they didn't have school," Chloe says, walking into the kitchen where Beca is making coffee.
"Did you wake them up?"
"No. I know I was supposed to. They just look so cute. I couldn't bring myself to do it."
Beca gives her an incredulous look and purses her lips.
"You're ridiculous."
Down the hall, she pushes the, already half open, bedroom door fully open. She leans against the door frame for a minute, watching the girls sleep. There was a time where Beca was convinced she would never see Lucy this comfortable with anyone, other than her and Chloe. She's never really seen her interact with anyone her own age, until now, and as much as she wishes it wasn't, it's strange.
She walks over to the side of the bed that Lucy is on. She is sprawled across half of the bed; one arm is over her head, the other hanging off the side of the mattress. Her legs are tangled in the sheets. She looks completely content. Beca brushes her hair out of her face and leans down to whisper in her ear.
"Scout, it's morning."
Lucy lets out a little grunt and takes a deep inhale through her nose before she opens her eyes. Instantly, they are locked on Beca's, making her smile.
"Hey kid."
"Hi." Her voice is raspy, gravelly, filled with sleep.
"Your first sleepover was a success, huh?"
Lucy sits up and shrugs one shoulder. She leans forward and lets her forehead rest on Beca's shoulder, while Beca rubs circles on her back. She's still warm from being under the covers and her breath is even and easy.
"I'm gonna let you wake Lincoln up. It's time for breakfast."
"Okay."
Beca gives her one more kiss to her head before leaving the room. Once she's back in the kitchen, Chloe says,
"Was I right, or what?"
"They looked pretty damn cute. You were right."
"If they heard us say that, they would kill us."
"Definitely." Beca agrees.
She picks up her still steaming mug of coffee. She takes a seat at the table. Chloe comes over and leans over her, wrapping her arms around her neck. She kisses her cheek before Beca turns to look at her, the best she can in this position.
"This is the first day since my first week that I'm actually nervous to go to work."
It's a big confession; Chloe can tell by the way her voice strains just slightly with each word.
"Why are you nervous?"
"There are expectations again. Like, big ones."
Chloe takes the seat next to her, keeping one of Beca's hands in one of her own.
"With the first record, no one even really knew it was happening, so it wasn't all that stressful. It felt like my own little secret. It just kind of flowed out of me, there were so many thoughts and feelings and it seemed like the only place I could put them, but now…"
"What?"
"We're in a good place. I'm happy. And I'm afraid that," She stops and takes a breath, unsure if what she's about to say will be taken the wrong way, "I'm afraid that without the worry and the hurt, that I won't have anything meaningful to say."
"Beca, that's insane."
"Is it?"
"A little, yeah." Chloe lifts their hands up and kisses Beca's knuckles. "You were writing music long before what happened with your parents."
"Music that no one ever heard, or cared about."
"I did."
Beca stops. She looks into Chloe's eyes and realizes what she's said.
"No, I know."
Chloe reaches over and places her hand on Beca's cheek, to ensure that she doesn't lose eye contact.
"One of these days, Beca Mitchell, you are going to realize that you are worthy of what you have."
Beca lets out a shuddery breath. She does her best to cover it with a laugh but it doesn't work. Chloe leans over and kisses her.
"Ew, children in the room." Lucy's voice cuts through the moment like a knife.
"Shush." Chloe says, her kind, motherly smile, already put back in place. "I hope you're hungry. I made french toast."
"Always." Lincoln says, joining Lucy and Beca at the table.
Lucy's gaze lingers on Beca's features, specifically her eyes, for a moment or two. She knows if she were to question the look she sees, Beca would just brush her off anyway so she doesn't say anything. Instead she turns her attention to the plate in front of her.
"Did you girls have a nice sleep?" Chloe asks, joining them at the table.
"Mhm."
"Yes, thank you." They both say at the same time.
Lincoln tries not to look up too much during their meal. She can't remember the last time she had anything other than a pop-tart or a piece of dry toast for breakfast. Her stomach clenches at the thought but she does her best to push past it. She doesn't want to look rude for not eating.
She can't place why but she wants Beca and Chloe to like her. Most of the time she couldn't care less about what adults think of her; most of them are dumb anyway. But they make her feel differently. She tries not to think about why too much. She takes a sip of her orange juice, chancing a look up. Chloe's eyes meet hers and they both share a quick smile.
"So what's the plan for the day?" Chloe asks, trying her best to steer them out of this awkward conversation-less breakfast.
She looks over to Beca for help but her head is down, fully absorbed in an email on her phone.
"School and band practice." Lucy answers, still preoccupied with her breakfast.
Lincoln has never seen her eat this much and she does her best not to laugh at the image of this tiny girl eating a breakfast bigger than she is.
"Uh, school." Lincoln says with a shrug.
"No after school activities?" Beca asks, taking her cue after Chloe kicks her under the table.
"Not right now. I was going to do indoor track but decided not to."
Lucy knows it's because of her. She had planned to do it with her but after the whole thing with Poppy and Matteo she didn't feel like putting herself through the awkwardness every day. She's tried to convince Lincoln to join band but she says she's musically challenged and everyone would hate her.
"I was thinking of trying out for the school play, but," She shrugs, "I don't know."
"Wait really?" Lucy says, making Lincoln look at her, trying to read her expression.
"You definitely should." Chloe says, enthusiastically, "That's a great idea. I was a huge theater nerd in high school."
"Here we go." Beca says with a roll of her eyes, making both of the girls laugh.
"When are auditions?"
"Next week. I don't know if I'm going to do it."
"I think you should." Lucy says.
"You do?"
Beca and Chloe share a look across the table. Beca smirks and Chloe gives a warning glare, to ensure she doesn't do or say anything to embarrass them.
"Alright ladies, it's time for school." Beca says, standing from her chair.
Both girls hop up and grab their bags.
"Have a good day." Chloe says, kissing Beca. "And don't forget what I said." She adds, a little quieter.
She kisses Lucy on the head and hands each of the girls a packed lunch. Lincoln looks at it like it's a fish with three heads.
They follow Beca to school. It's still freezing outside and Beca actually can't wait to get to the subway; at least down there the wind won't whip her in the face. She stops in front of the school and turns to the girls.
"Alright, have a good day guys. Lou, I'll come get you after practice."
"Okay."
Beca leaves in a hurry, anxious to get to work.
Lucy looks over at Lincoln, who is once again looking at the brown paper bag in her hands.
"What's wrong?"
"What?"
Lucy gestures to the bag.
"Oh, um, I don't know. It's just, I've never had a lunch that I didn't have to pack myself."
Chloe is slowly starting to hate the sight of her computer screen. Since the engagement, she's been spending most of her day planning; calling florists, and photographers, and DJ's. She still needs to find a venue, which is causing her the most stress. She's scrolling through, yet another, country club's website. She scrunches her face up, it just seems so impersonal, to be married in a random room, in a random town, just because it's big enough to fit their family and friends.
There's a small sound that pulls her attention up. She had almost forgotten she was in Stacie's apartment instead of her own. Stacie called her in a panic because she needed to get to work and her parents were suddenly unable to watch the baby. Of course she dropped everything to come over and help. She glances over at the baby monitor placed on the corner of the coffee table. Bella is still sleeping, well past her usual nap time.
She walks to the nursery, to check on her. When she leans over the crib, her even breathing is making her belly move up and down. Her lips are parted, just barely, and her eyelashes bounce with the slight movement of her eyes. She's a stunning baby, with her mother's hair and eyes. None of them know who the father is, including Stacie, so they can't be sure which traits she inherited from him. Chloe has wondered a lot about that. When they have a child, they also will not know what traits come from the father. She wonders what that will feel like. She supposes as long as her and Beca are doing it together, none of the rest matters.
Bella's eyes flutter open, almost like she's sensed Chloe standing over her. She smiles, and reaches her little arms up toward her. Chloe lifts her, carefully, from the crib and cradles her to her chest.
"Hi there, did you have a good nap? Yeah?"
She decides, while holding this perfect little baby, that none of the rest could ever matter.
Anderson walks into Beca's office and stops short when he notices she's not in her chair. He looks around the room, and is about to leave when he sees her feet sticking out from behind her desk. He walks around to the other side and stifles a laugh when he sees her fully. She is laying on the floor, hands clasped on her stomach, eyes closed. She's using her jacket as a pillow, but she still looks incredibly uncomfortable.
"What are you doing?"
"Writing." She says, without opening her eyes.
"Oh, okay then. Don't let me disturb you."
He drops the file folder down on her desk before she sits up.
"Actually, could you distract me? I've been trying to come up with ideas for hours and I've got nothing. If I don't do something else I'm gonna go insane."
"Okay. I think I can help with that."
"Hey Peach," Lincoln says, taking a seat across from her at the cafeteria table. "what are you doing?"
"Trying to finish this algebra homework."
Lincoln slides the notebook over in front of her. She reads over the questions in the textbook and jots the last few answers down with such ease, like it's her own phone number.
"All done."
"I'm never gonna learn if you do it for me." Lucy says, trying to keep her smile at bay.
"A simple thank you would suffice."
"Yeah, yeah, you're a math genius, we got it."
Lincoln takes a sandwich, a bag of pretzels and an apple out of the brown paper bag that Chloe handed her this morning. She still feels strange, like it's not really meant for her.
"There should be one more thing in there." Lucy says, while zipping her books back into her bag.
Lincoln reaches her hand in and pulls out a brownie, wrapped in plastic wrap. There is a post-it note stuck to it, with a heart in red sharpie drawn on it. She smiles down at the table and puts it down gently.
"Are you excited to see your mom tonight?" Lucy asks, through a bite of turkey and cheese.
"Mhm, she said we're going out to dinner."
"That'll be fun."
"Yeah. If it actually happens."
Lucy has noticed that Lincoln doesn't talk about her mom much. She doesn't think they're all that close and she doesn't pry; she knows, better than most, that being forced to talk about your family, when you don't want to, can ruin your whole day.
"Well, you need to come over again for a real sleepover. We'll do it right this time. I'm talking movies, more junk food than you can eat, and maybe I can even talk Beca into ordering pizza and chinese food."
"You're wild, Peach." Lincoln says, only half kidding.
Lucy lets out a little giggle and shrugs her shoulders. Lincoln lets her eyes linger on Lucy's smile for an extra few seconds before looking back at the heart on the neon pink post-it.
"And I get to pick the movie." Lincoln adds which makes Lucy groan.
"Fine."
Chloe has Bella playing on the floor with a pile of toys on each side of her. She tries her best to read through, yet another, photographer's bio, while Baby Shark plays on a seemingly endless loop. She clicks through their online portfolio and wonders how this person has managed to book any jobs at all. Most of the photos are out of focus or slanted. She quickly closes her laptop. She sighs, half in exasperation, the other in utter defeat.
Bella pulls herself up on the coffee table and throws the toy she's been biting on.
"I feel the same way, Bells."
Chloe's phone rings from her bag. When she pulls it out, she notices that the battery is already on two percent. Stacie's name flashes across the screen and she already knows what's coming.
"Hello?"
"Hey Chlo, it's me. How's everything going?"
"Great. Are you on your way home?"
"Not yet, that's why I'm calling."
Chloe rolls her eyes but keeps a gentle smile on her face.
"Can you keep Bella for a few more hours?"
"Yeah, sure. No problem."
"I'll see you-"
Her phone beeps before the screen goes black. She looks, halfheartedly, for a couple minutes for a charger but when Bella starts babbling loudly, she gives up the search and lays on the floor to play with her.
"Dude, it's only three in the afternoon." Beca says.
Anderson hands her a tequila shot and lifts it like he's about to make a toast.
"It's five o'clock somewhere. Besides, you're a rockstar now, Mitchell. Act like it."
"I'm also a producer, that should be at work. And a mom… kind of."
"Mhm, sack up and drink."
She laughs at the use of the phrase that almost always comes out of her mouth instead. She clinks the shot glass against his and throws it back.
"Alright, how is this supposed to help?"
"You wanted a distraction, not help writing, remember?"
"Mhm."
Anderson gestures to the bartender to send another round. He's a tall lanky guy, with tattoo sleeves on both arms. He nods and starts to pour.
"What's the deal with this new music, anyway?"
"Matt's worried that we're losing the public's interest."
Anderson scoffs but nods, but not in agreement.
"Worried that we're losing the public's money."
"That's what I said."
"With music like yours, and fans like yours, they'd wait three years for new music."
"You really think so?"
Despite their growing friendship, it still takes her off guard when Anderson gives her a genuine compliment.
"I do. Your album was one of the best I've heard, ever." He doesn't look at her when he says this. Instead, he fiddles with his shot glass. "It was heartfelt and heavy, in all the best ways. And what Matt doesn't seem to understand is that you can't force art like that. It just doesn't work."
"He only wants four or five songs. I can do that."
"I know you can. Just make sure you're doing it in the right way; make sure it's music that you're proud of."
Beca nods, hanging on his every word.
"You're supposed to be distracting me, remember?" She says, with a small slap to his shoulder.
"Oh right."
"So, what about you?"
"What about me?"
"I don't know," She shrugs, "I feel like you know so much about my life, and I don't really know, like, anything about you."
He chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. Beca always feels so small, much smaller than she does normally, when she sits next to him. He's tall, and skinny, which makes him seem even taller. His hair is always messy, but in the way that tells you he spends time making it that way. His suits are always pressed, and coordinated with his shoes, tie, bag, and watch. Appearances are clearly very important to him.
"I grew up in the south."
"Really?"
"Mhm, I moved here for college and fell in love with the city."
"How'd you get into music?"
"Music was kind of always my way out of where I was. I would listen to it to escape. I know, I'm one giant cliché, but it was the only thing that made my world seem bigger than Redford, Oklahoma."
"I get that."
He looks up into her eyes; afraid that she's somehow mocking him. But one look, and it's clear she's sincere.
"I can't sing for shit, and I'm not great at any instruments, but I know what sounds good and what doesn't. I've known for a long time that I wanted to make music. If not for me, than for all the other kids stuck in places like the one I grew up in. I wanted to make their worlds feel a little bigger, less suffocating. So I got into producing. I mean, I'm not as good as you, but-"
"Stop that." She cuts him off, "You're great at what you do."
"Tell that to Matt."
"I will." She says, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol entering her system. "Tomorrow."
He laughs. It's hearty and louder than she had expected, but it makes her laugh too.
"Lucy, do you have someone coming to get you?" Mr. Sweeney asks, on his way out the door.
"Yeah, my sister is coming."
"Okay, I'll wait with you."
He's carrying a large tuba case. It's almost as big as Lucy is and the image makes her laugh.
"No, that's okay. She'll be here soon."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." She nods.
He looks unsure, but decides to take her word for it. He gives a little wave but it makes him almost drop the case. He catches it before it hits the ground. He turns the corner and is quickly out of sight. Lucy checks her phone, it's almost 5:15. She figures the subway was delayed, or Beca's just running behind, so she sits on one of the benches in the lobby and waits. The school is quiet; quieter than she's ever heard it. Somewhere off in the distance she can hear voices; they sound like grown ups. But with most of the lights turned off, it's very eerie.
"No way, there's no way your favorite album of all time is Dark Side of The Moon."
"Why not? It's a great album."
"The one that you watch alongside The Wizard of Oz? I don't buy it. What's your favorite album for real?"
"Fine, you wanna know? You really wanna know?"
"I really really do."
They've been at this bar for a few hours now and Beca has successfully been distracted. Their drinks have long since been forgotten, but she still feels light and bubbly.
"Alright, my favorite album is Rumors by Fleetwood Mac."
Beca pauses. She blinks a couple times before she deadpans, "Yeah. That makes more sense for you."
"I don't know if I should be insulted or not."
"Why would you be insulted? You said it was your favorite, not me."
Anderson leans back and Beca catches a glimpse out the window. It's dark out and her heart skips a beat. She grabs Anderson's arm and looks at his watch.
"Shit."
"What's wrong?"
"I forgot about Lucy. I gotta go."
She grabs her bag and coat and rushes out the door. She's jogging down the street while trying to get her left arm into her sleeve when she nearly slips on a patch of ice. She gets to the subway and pulls her phone out of her pocket. She has 5 missed calls and 13 missed text messages from Lucy. She taps the contact and it rings once before it goes dead.
"Fuck."
Lucy, ever since that one day she walked home all alone, has been terrified to go anywhere without Beca or Chloe. The whole way she felt like someone was right behind her, out of sight, about to grab her. She thinks maybe she should just toughen up and walk home anyway, but she can't seem to get her feet to move.
She's tried calling and texting both Beca and Chloe, but has gotten no response. Her heart is beating, hard, in her chest. She can feel it against her rib cage, vibrating against her entire skeletal system. She does her best to keep her breathing even, but it doesn't really seem to work. Tears prick at her eyes. She tenses her throat, so hard that it hurts, to try and keep from crying.
Beca runs up the front steps of the school, it's nearly 6:30 at this point. She hopes, more than anything, that Lucy is still here. She pushes through the heavy glass doors and stops, dead in her tracks, when she sees Lucy. She's pacing back and forth across the lobby; her shoes squeak on the tile floor and her hands are wringing in front of her.
"Scout."
She stops moving and turns her head in her sister's direction. She looks like a deer caught in the headlights of an eighteen-wheeler. Her hair has partially come out of it's ponytail and her cheeks are bright red.
"I'm so sorry that I'm so late."
"Where were you?"
Her voice doesn't sound like hers. At least it doesn't sound like the version of Lucy that has emerged in the past few weeks. It sounds like Lucy from six months ago and it makes Beca's entire body ache.
"I'm so sorry."
She wants to wrap Lucy up and kiss her head and tell her it's all going to be okay, but she can't do that. She can't do it with a clear conscience when she knows that she's the reason Lucy is upset right now.
"I want to go home."
"Okay, let's go."
Lucy doesn't speak, she doesn't even look at Beca, the entire way home. Beca can feel the anger and the fear dripping off of her. She can see the tenseness of her muscles and the whiteness of her knuckles in her clenched fists.
When they walk through the door of the apartment, it's quiet. Chloe still isn't home. Beca worries about her, she was supposed to be home by now. They all were. Almost like they planned it, Chloe walks through the door behind them.
"What happened?" She says, looking at Beca, clearly expecting an answer; answers Beca doesn't have, rather answers she doesn't want to give.
Lucy rushes over to her and wraps her arms around her waist. Chloe can feel her trembling. She kisses her head, and makes gentle shushing sounds. There's something about the look on Beca's face, the glassy, glazed look in her eyes and rosiness of her cheeks, that makes her stomach gurgle.
"Come on, sweet girl, let's go lay down." She turns to Beca and says quietly, but with a fire that Beca hasn't heard in a very long time, "Then we're going to talk."
