Hello everyone! Thanks for all of your support on this story! Just as an update I will be trying to post every Sunday. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
"What do you mean she's gone? Where?"
"I don't know. I came to pick her up at school, but she didn't come out, and then Poppy said she left with Lincoln out some side door. Beca, she isn't here."
"Okay," Beca says, attempting to keep her tone calm. "Okay, um..."
She tries to stay calm, despite the fact that she feels all of the breath leave her body; despite the fact that she received an almost identical call, only a few months ago, that changed the course of nearly everything. She feels the adrenaline start coursing through her body.
"I'm gonna track her location on her phone. Give me a second."
After the incident with Gardner, Beca made sure they all shared their locations with one another; she just hopes Lucy's phone is still on.
"Where does it say she is?" Chloe asks, her voice crackles over speakerphone.
Beca impatiently taps her fingers on her desk, "I don't know, the damn thing won't load."
She puts the phone flat on the desk so she can put her coat on. After a few more seconds, Chloe's voice cuts through the unbearable quiet.
"Beca?"
Once it loads, Beca lifts her phone back up and squints at the tiny dot on the map.
"What the hell?"
"What? What's it say?"
Part of her wants to point out the fact that Chloe could be looking it up too. If this were any other situation she probably would, with a snarky comment, but now her brain can barely function enough to say,
"They're heading toward Port Authority."
"Oh my God."
Beca puts the phone back up to her ear and rushes toward the elevator.
"Beca, where are you going? We have a meeting in five minutes." Anderson calls out after her.
"I can't. I have to-" Her voice crackles before it cuts out completely.
He seems to understand because he nods, solemnly, and waits until the elevator doors close, separating them.
"Chlo, you still there?"
"Mhm," She sniffles, "I'm heading there now. I'll call you if I find her."
"Okay, I'm right behind you."
"Lucy, what are we doing?"
"I already told you." Lucy says, with a determination in her tone that Lincoln has never heard.
The entire time that they've known each other, Lucy has been timid, sometimes awkward, and always gentle. She's been unsure of herself in most respects but right now, she seems confident, in a scary kind of way. Lincoln reaches out and grabs Lucy's arm to stop her from walking any further.
"No, I mean, we're kids. We can't just hop on a bus by ourselves."
"Then we just need to pretend like we're not by ourselves."
"And how do we do that?"
Lucy notes that Lincoln gets a little crinkle in between her eyebrows when she's concerned. She realizes that she's never really seen Lincoln worried about anything; she's always steadfast and overly casual. She wonders, very briefly, if that should be the first hint that this isn't a great choice. She tries to force her brain to think about the consequences, but she's completely out of control now. She focuses on Lincoln's breath, to keep her eyes off of her face, it's visible due to the cold weather. It swirls up in between them. She watches it for a second before she says,
"We lie."
Beca has never felt less thankful to live in New York City. She doesn't have time to weigh her options about the best way to get where she needs to go. She pushes through the crowds of people and rushes down the stairs to the subway. She stops when she hears the echoing announcement overhead. The noise from a guy playing the bucket drum obscures most of it but she catches a few words, delayed, problem on the tracks, 45 minutes.
She rushes back up the stairs, to the street. She's breathing heavy by the time she gets to the last step but she doesn't stop. The cold air hurts her face and throat but she doesn't have time to think about that. She starts pushing past more people toward the bus station.
"Hello," Lucy says, putting on her most grown up sounding voice, as she steps up to the ticket counter, "we would like two tickets to Atlanta, Georgia, please."
The man behind the counter is large. He towers over Lucy's small stature and his shoulders are as wide as her dad's old truck. She gives a smile, that she hopes distracts from the lack of guardianship. Lincoln is standing just behind her, looking down at her boots that squeak against the cement floor. The man smacks his gum and looks around the nearly empty room.
"Your mom or dad with you, kid?"
"Oh, uh, my mom is." Even saying this sentence hurts. "She went to the bathroom but she asked me to get our tickets."
"Two tickets for three people, huh?" He asks, gesturing with his head toward Lincoln.
"My mom already has one. Last minute trips, you know?"
Lucy feels every muscle in her body quake. She knows her cheeks are red and she can feel the slightest prick of tears against her eyes. She can practically see her plan crumbling to pieces in front of her.
"Why don't you go get her and then we'll get you those tickets." He says, turning his back on them before Lucy has a chance to answer.
Lincoln pulls her away. They stand in a small nook, across from the escalators. She puts her hands on her hips and tilts her head to the side.
"Okay, you made your point. Can we go home now?"
"You're chickening out?"
"Lucy, this isn't you. I don't know what's going on but I know, the second we get on that bus, you're going to regret it. So, let's just go home, and we can figure it all out there."
"No." Lucy says, setting her jaw and forcing her lips into a straight line. "That apartment isn't my home. Georgia is my home and that's where I need to be."
"And what's the plan when we get there?"
She can see the panic in Lincoln's eyes and it pulls at her heart, just a little, she almost scraps the whole idea, but something inside of her won't let her. She balls her hands into tight fists by her sides and says,
"We'll stay with Mrs. Reed or Emily, or I don't know." She shrugs. "My old house is still there. We could stay there."
"By ourselves?"
"Look, if you don't want to come, that's fine. But I'm going no matter what."
Lincoln sighs and shakes her head. She knows it's time to pull out the big guns.
"You'd leave Finch behind like that?"
"When we get there we can send for him, I don't know. I don't know!" She echoes, much louder the second time. "I just know I can't stay where I am."
"In New York?"
"New York... with Beca and Chloe... none of this is right. Nothing has felt right since I got here, so I'm going back to Georgia. I was always happy there."
"Beca, I'm here but I don't see her yet."
"Okay, I'm two minutes away. Stay on the phone."
On both ends of the line there is chatter, and sirens, and non-stop noise that makes Chloe's head spin. Her eyes bounce around the entire space. Lucy is somewhere in this building and they are going to find her; she keeps reminding herself of that because if she doesn't, she'll lose it altogether. There are plenty of people, rushing to catch their bus, or get the subway, but none of them are the person she's desperate to find.
"Chlo."
Her name echoes around her. She turns to see Beca, distressed, rushing toward her. She wraps her up in her arms; thankful she isn't here to deal with it all alone.
"I'm so sorry, I don't know-"
"Hey, this isn't your fault. We're gonna find her and bring her home."
Beca takes her hand and squeezes it, tight. She doesn't let it go, instead she pulls it, still clasped in her own, to her chest and keeps Chloe close while they search each floor.
Lucy is sitting in one of the waiting areas trying to figure out how to buy bus tickets on her phone but her service is not great and it's taking forever; adding to her frustration. She bites on her thumb nail while her knee bounces up and down. Lincoln looks around, at all of the people, hoping that through the crowd she'll catch a glimpse of Beca or Chloe. She's pretty sure they don't know where they are, she doesn't know how they would, but they must know Lucy is gone by now. She hopes somehow they'll come and shake her out of whatever trance she's in.
"Can I ask you something?" Lincoln asks, it's quiet but Lucy manages to catch it.
"What?"
"What happened?"
"What are you talking about?"
"What do you mean, what am I talking about?" She gestures around them. "Two days ago we were having a sleepover at your house. We had fun. Beca woke you up with a kiss on your head,"
Lucy bristles. She hadn't known Lincoln was awake for that.
"Chloe made us french toast and things were…" She shakes her head. "They were great. I thought. And now we're sitting in a bus station running away like the main characters in a Mark Twain book."
Lucy sits up straighter and stiffens every muscle in her body.
"Things aren't always what they seem."
"Come on, Lucy. Sooner or later you're gonna have to stop feeling sorry for yourself."
"Excuse me?"
Lincoln shifts further away from her in her chair but turns her body inward, to keep their conversation as private as possible in this very public space.
"I can't imagine what it's like to have parents that love you as much as yours did. And I can't imagine what it's like to lose them but you're acting like you have nothing left."
"What do I have left?"
Lucy turns her body toward Lincoln and it closes a little bit of the distance. She crosses her arms over her chest and purses her lips. In this moment, Lincoln feels like they're perfect strangers. It's suddenly made very clear that meeting someone during the worst time of their life is like learning a new language; the second you feel like you have a handle on them, it all flips, and you're stuck misunderstanding everything, struggling to keep up.
"You have Chloe and your sister. They love you so much and-"
"I don't think they love me that much."
"You're kidding, right? My own mom barely talks to me or makes time for me but your sister rearranged her whole life for you. She smiles when you walk in the room and Chloe listens to you when you talk. It may not seem like it, but take it from someone who's never had anyone look at them the way they look at you, they love you."
"But do they love me enough?"
Her tone has crumbled. It's soft and insecure, and Lincoln sees a little bit of her come back.
"I guess that's up to you, isn't it?"
When Beca and Chloe finally make it down to the bottom floor, where all of the buses depart, Chloe just hopes it's not too late. They've all lost service so they can't track Lucy anymore.
Beca checks the bathroom while Chloe reads over the departure board, trying to figure out where she would possibly be going. When she reads the bottom name, she feels dumber than she's ever felt.
"Of course."
"What?"
She hadn't realized Beca was back at her side. She looks quickly at her face, then back at the board, and points.
"She's trying to go to Georgia."
The realization, the conclusion they should have come to almost an hour ago, dawns on Beca and they rush to gate 53. The bus departs in half an hour, but Beca knows they never board on time. She must still be somewhere inside. Beca stands on one of the waiting area chairs to get a better view and catches a flash of golden brown hair and a maroon backpack.
"Got her." She says, hopping down and heading in the direction she had just been searching.
"Lucy." Chloe calls out, it's too quiet and gets lost among the commotion of the station.
"Scout." Beca yells.
Lucy stiffens. From behind, they can see her shoulders lift and her hands ball up. She turns, slowly, and locks her eyes onto Beca's. It's somehow both long awaited, and so sudden, that it takes Beca's breath away. They meet in the middle of the lobby area. Beca takes stock of both girls; they look unharmed. Lincoln looks freaked, and Lucy is still radiating the same anger as early this morning, but overall they look okay.
"Care to explain yourselves?" Beca crosses her arms over her chest.
Chloe puts one of her hands on the small of her back. She can barely feel it through her thick winter coat but she knows it's there.
"I'm going to Georgia." Lucy says, unwavering. "And you can't stop me."
"No? Watch me."
"Beca," Chloe says, "not here."
Beca feels anger, the anger she wasn't allowing herself to feel before, bubble up into her chest. If she isn't careful it's going to overflow and spew something infuriated out of her mouth. Because now that she knows Lucy is okay, she can be mad at her. She doesn't know how to be anything else right now.
Chloe grips the fabric of Beca's coat and keeps her in her place. She already knows what's coming. She's witnessed a few Mitchell showdowns and she hopes they can keep it together until they're in the privacy of their own home. Chloe offers a gentle smile to Lincoln who has chanced a quick look up, but she puts her head right back down to focus on her shoelaces.
"We're going home, Lucy. Now."
Beca puts a hand on Lucy's arm, ready to guide her out of her new least favorite place in the city.
"No," She yells, yanking her arm back, "I don't want to go anywhere with you."
"Lucy." Beca says, this time it's a warning.
"No, Beca, do you even want me to go home with you? Do you even like having me here? Why are you fighting so hard for me to stay when everything since I got here has sucked?"
There's an all too familiar strain to Lucy's voice; like it's about to crack and break.
"What are you talking about? You really think that I don't want you here because I forgot to pick you up last night? Lucy, it was a mistake."
Lincoln looks up again; this time at Beca. Lucy hadn't mentioned that. Even a quick look at Beca's expression and she can feel the guilt and hurt. She grips her backpack straps tighter and waits for this to be over.
"No. This is because ever since I've gotten here nothing has been right. It's been too hard. Things shouldn't be this hard."
A single tear drips down Lucy's cheek and she wipes it away, leaving a small red mark there instead.
"I know what you mean, but I promise you, running away…" Beca shakes her head slowly, "it never makes anything better. Trust me, I've tried it too many times to count."
"Me too, remember?" Chloe adds.
"Well, I don't see how it could make things any worse."
Beca takes a step closer and chances placing her hand on Lucy's arm again. She doesn't pull away this time. Beca feels her anger start to dissipate. She looks at her sister's face and now all she can feel is a deep ache, in her bones, in her heart. She grips Lucy's sleeve and hopes, more than anything, that her words break through.
"Okay, so you've been here for six months and think you've learned everything?"
Lucy looks pretty sure when she nods her head.
"Alright then, can I tell you what I've learned since you've been here?"
Lucy shrugs and looks up into Beca's eyes.
"I mean there are a lot of things, but I'll give you the cliff notes version, in case you still want to catch that bus. I've learned that you listen to Beethoven while you study history and it's Mozart when you're working on English."
Lucy quirks an eyebrow; this isn't where she thought this conversation was going to go. But she's right.
"Your favorite breakfast is french toast with extra cinnamon. I've learned that you can pick up the rules of any board game faster than anyone else I know, and you hate movies that are even remotely scary. You love animals, and plants, and drink enough water throughout the day to drown the island of Manhattan. And, I think I've always known this, but I've seen first hand how big your heart is and just how strong you are. Look, I know that nothing has been easy, or has felt right, since you've gotten here but that's because most things in life aren't easy,"
She grips Lucy's arm tighter.
"And I wish that you didn't have to learn that lesson at twelve years old, but now that you know it, I hope you can realize that even when things are hard, if we're together they aren't unbearable."
Lucy lets several tears drip down her cheeks before pulling Beca into her arms and letting out a sob.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"Sh, I know."
"I didn't know what else to do."
"Let's just go home."
Lucy nods against her shoulder but doesn't pull away yet. Now that her stubborn anger is starting to drift away, embarrassment is moving into it's place. She doesn't want to see the looks of the people around them; their questioning gaze or judgmental stares. She pulls away and takes Beca's hand in her own, squeezing tightly, refusing to let go. She feels like she's lived a hundred days in just this one; and it's not even five p.m. yet.
"You guys go home, I'm going to bring Lincoln home." Chloe says, as they make it up to the subway entrance.
"You sure?" Beca asks.
She knows it's going to be an awkward conversation, having to explain that Lucy tried to kidnap her best friend, but there's no way around it.
Chloe nods her head. She still has tears in her eyes.
"Mhm." She puts her hand on Lincoln's shoulder and leads her away.
Lincoln doesn't look back up at Lucy. She doesn't know what she would do, or say, if she did. She doesn't know how to feel right now. She keeps her vice grip on her backpack straps and leads Chloe through the turnstiles of the subway to her usual train home. She knows that none of them have ever been to her house, and she was hoping to keep it that way, at least for a while. But there's no way around it now.
Once Lucy and Beca step inside their apartment, Lucy drops her bag with a harsh exhale, happy to get the weight off her shoulders. She takes her coat and hat off, but doesn't move; she knows there's more that needs to be said, but she isn't sure if Beca will make the first move or not.
"We need to bring Finch out, why don't you go get him?"
Beca's voice is stiff. It holds a harsh contrast to her usual warm tone. Lucy knows she's disappointed her, and she doesn't even want to think about what Chloe thinks of her now. She does as she's told and takes Finch from his crate. She cuddles him to her face before whispering,
"I'm so sorry, buddy. I really messed up."
"This is it." Lincoln says, gesturing to a run down building in the middle of Harlem.
Chloe keeps her close. She can't imagine letting Lincoln go anywhere in this neighborhood, or any neighborhood, alone. She thinks about how she's left alone overnight in this building and stuck taking the train back and forth to school every day. The longer they've walked, the more curious Chloe has become about who Lincoln's mother is. She needs to meet this woman. She needs to see who could look this little girl in the face and pretend like she never saw her at all.
Lincoln leads her up to the fifth story walk-up and takes her keys from her backpack. She struggles with the lock for a moment before the door opens. A woman, presumably Lincoln's mother, is on the other side. She's dressed in a nice pantsuit, not a single hair out of place; a stark contrast to the rest of the apartment. It's dark and dim and looks like it hasn't been cleaned in months. There's a stack of laundry on the couch, and dishes piled in the sink. Chloe does her best to keep her expression neutral.
"Hi mom."
"Hi Linc, who's this?"
"Hello, I'm Chloe Beale, Lucy's, uh," She's never really had to introduce herself like this before, "Lucy's sister."
The woman looks confused.
"Lucy is a friend from school." Lincoln adds and the woman nods.
"Oh okay, hi, Michelle Fuller. It's nice to meet you. Thanks for bringing her home."
She pretty much pushes Chloe out the door, but Chloe does her best to keep her position.
"Of course, I just wanted to speak with you for a minute. If that's alright."
She seems ruffled by this, like she's in a rush to get somewhere, but she looks between Chloe and Lincoln, sees their expressions, and nods.
"I just wanted to let you know, that um, well, Lucy and Lincoln almost got on a bus to go to Georgia this afternoon. It was Lucy's idea but I thought I should let you know that-"
Michelle starts to laugh, surprising Chloe, but Lincoln doesn't seem fazed.
"Georgia? What the hell is in Georgia?" She asks, looking to Lincoln.
"That's where Lucy is from. She wanted to go back." Lincoln's voice is different than Chloe has ever heard it. It's soft and sad.
"Well, maybe some other time you guys can go."
Chloe doesn't know what to do with that. She had run through this conversation a few times while on the subway, trying to imagine how it would go, and out of all of the scenarios she had thought up, this definitely wasn't one.
"Anyway, thanks for bringing her back, uh…"
"Chloe."
"Right, thanks."
Chloe backs away, into the hallway. She catches one last look at Lincoln, standing there, defeated, before the door is shut in her face.
Chloe walks through the door of their apartment and is met with overwhelming quiet. She isn't sure what she had been expecting. Her thoughts had been so overrun by Lincoln and her mother, that she hadn't paid much attention to what could possibly be going on at home.
"Hello?"
"Hey Chlo," Beca says, coming from the living room, "how did it go?"
She looks like she's bracing herself. Chloe shrugs. Her own expression is flattened, defeated in a way that Beca has never seen.
"She didn't even care."
Beca isn't sure what to say. She knows that Chloe can't imagine a life where a mother would treat her daughter that way, because she never experienced it. She was loved and tended to and if she had ever tried to run away it would have been front page news in her little Georgian town. But Beca understands, better than most, what it's like. She wraps Chloe in a hug and kisses her temple.
"Today really kicked our asses, didn't it?" She finally asks.
Chloe lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob.
"God, I can't even believe any of it actually happened."
They finally pull apart but Beca takes Chloe's hand in her own. She runs her thumb over her knuckles. It bumps against her engagement ring and forces her to look down, quickly, before saying,
"If I said thank you a billion times it wouldn't be enough for everything you do for us."
Chloe is caught off guard by the quiet confession. She looks, deeply, into Beca's eyes and smiles, her gentle, reassuring, Chloe Beale smile.
"You don't ever need to thank me."
"Of course I do. You're more amazing than I deserve. You're there every time I screw up, which is more often than not these days, and I just wish there was a way that I could make it up to you. You've taken everything that's happened in the last year in stride and I honestly don't know how you do it. Thank you for everything you did today, and everything you do every day."
Chloe feels all of the emotions of the last few hours catch up to her at once. She lets the tears fall, for a few minutes, before pulling herself together. Beca holds her, rocking them gently back and forth.
"Today was a wake up call. I need to be better, for you, and for Lucy."
"Should we go talk to her?"
"I don't think we have much of a choice." Beca says, dreading this conversation, and the others that are going to follow.
She hasn't had to play the disciplinarian much with Lucy since she's come to live with them. She's been the shoulder to cry on. She's been the dorky big sister, just like she always was; but now she needs to have a serious discussion with her and just the idea of it makes her stomach hurt. But she knows, with Chloe by her side, that what she said earlier is true. When they're together, even the hardest things, will never be unbearable.
