Chapter Thirty

Ella threw caution to the wind and promptly deafened her ears to her friends' cries of warning, and ran to the hangar. Her friends were back. She needed to scrutinize them and make sure they were okay.

Ahsoka was the first person she ran into, and when she was hugged, she held on as if Ella was a lifeline keeping her from being sucked out into space.

"You're safe, honey," Ella murmured.

The younger girl just burrowed her head in her shoulder and held on tight.

Ella backed up and sighed, "Let's go sit in my room. I'll get some tea and we'll watch fairytale movies."

"Tangled?"

Ella nodded, "Absolutely. Get into your comfiest pjs and meet me in my room. You like Aroobian Chai, right?"

Ahsoka blinked hard to keep back grateful tears, "You're the best sister I could've ever asked for."

Ella blushed at the admission, "Well, sisters like you deserve some pampering. Now, scoot!"

The girl smiled and jogged to her quarters, her steps regaining their natural bounce as she looked forward to their upcoming girl time.

Ella saw Obi-Wan and Anakin turn a corner and immediately hugged them both.

"Ella, what are you doing up?" Anakin protested. "Kix would kill you if—"

"He knows," she placated. "I'm allowed up. I just need to take it slowly and not push myself; well, that's what he says, though personally I think he just needs to know I'm okay."

Both jedi looked incredibly tired and worn down. Obi-Wan's face and clothes were dirty, the robes torn in places. Sleepless bags clung to the brinks of his eyes, making it clear how exhausted he was.

"Speaking of okay," she continued, "you, my friend, need to have several hours of sleep, a spa day, and some peace and quiet. And likely some food and water."

Obi-Wan sighed, "Believe me, that sounds extraordinary. I'm afraid the Resolute is short on spas, however."

"Little details. There are hundreds back on Coruscant which is where we're heading now. So Anakin, would you mind taking him to get some rest? I'll send some room service," she winked.

"Can there be enough for two?" he joked seriously.

She nodded, "Absolutely. Now, both of you better get yourselves in bed and stay there. I know you're tired too, Anakin, and I don't think passing out in the hangar or somewhere is what you want."

They both nodded, "Going now, Ella. Thank you."

"My pleasure."

She watched them go, then stood waiting for Rex.

A minute passed.

Then five.

Then ten.

Fifteen minutes.

Ella groaned, "Where has that slowpoke gotten to?"

Twenty minutes.

It had been almost half an hour when she sighed and pushed herself off the wall.

"You've been waiting there a long while, Ella," a grumbling voice noted.

"I was waiting on Rex, Chopper," she replied. "Have you seen him?"

He shook his head, "I haven't. But I know he made it off the planet. I think he was talking with the General and said he'd head back to the barracks."

She sighed, "He must've gone a different way then. If you see him, tell him I'm gonna track him down, but it's good he's going to rest."

Chopper nodded, "Going somewhere?"

"Girls night with Ahsoka?"

"What's that? I mean, what do you do?" he asked.

She giggled, "We watch kids movies, sometimes eat popcorn. Blankets and pillows and comfy pajamas."

He nodded, "That sounds fun."

"We'll have to have a movie night soon that you guys can join," she suggested.

"I'd enjoy that. But you shouldn't keep her waiting. She's pretty wound tight right now and could use a fun night," he said.

"Ok. Thank you, Chopper!"

Ella turned and jogged to the mess, grabbing an assortment of the baking items she'd made while under Kix's watchful eye. Soufflés, tarts, and of course, her muffins. She figured the soufflés had enough protein in them to keep the boys nourished until morning. They loved the muffins and the tarts were refreshing. She made some fruit smoothies, then carried the two trays to Obi-Wan's room.

Anakin answered the door. Not surprising. When his master crashed here they usually bunked together.

The tired young Jedi's eyes brightened when he saw the food. He quickly took the trays and set them somewhere, then hugged the delivery girl.

"You are amazing, thank you so much," he said.

She giggled, "No problem, Anakin. Y'all rest up."

He nodded and closed the door again.

Ella grabbed the popcorn and muffins that she'd reserved for the girls night then hustled - carefully - to her room. Ahsoka was already waiting inside, curled up on her bed in fluffy pink and yellow ducky pajamas.

"Well don't you look cute!" Ella exclaimed. "Here. There's a few muffins for you."

"Thanks!" She gasped, "You made Cajanut and white chocolate? For me?"

Ella smiled and winked as she grabbed her pajamas and slipped into the bathroom to change and wash off her makeup. She returned a few minutes later and hit play on the movie, grabbing some popcorn and snuggling closer to Ahsoka, who nestled into her shoulder.

"This... is the story of how I died."

Ahsoka laughed as Ella rolled her eyes.

"Why is it I can totally picture Fives saying that?" the older girl asked.

"Same here. Or Hardcase," she sighed.

"It starts... with the sun..."

They continued watching until the credits were rolling and Ahsoka was half asleep on her shoulder.

Ella carefully maneuvered her under the covers, kissing her cheek softly as she stood, collecting the tray and empty bowl, rattling with barren kernels.

Ahsoka smiled sleepily. "You're the best sister ever," she murmured.

Ella smiled and tucked her in. "I can say the same about you. Now you get some rest, sleepyhead. You've had quite the exhausting ordeal."

"Mmm... you'll stay here, right?"

"You don't think I'd leave you, do you?" Ella asked. "Of course I'll stay. Just let me drop these in the kitchen and I'll be right back."

She padded down the hallways in slippery stocking feet, depositing the used dishes on the kitchen counter where she's take care of them the next day sometime. Giggling vivaciously, she slid out and back towards her room, make-believing herself to be gliding on ice in a rink.

A pang of sadness shot through her heart as she wished she could've taken a trip to one with her husband and daughter. She shoved these thoughts away ruthlessly. Echo would want her to smile tonight. To capture the joy whenever it crept into her path.

As she floated by the offices, the caught sight of a figure slipping inside one hurriedly. Stopping, she tiptoed to the door and realized it was the Captain's office. She pushed the door open, only to see Rex sitting at his desk.

"Hey," she whispered.

He flinched, "You surprised me."

She forced her smile to stick; Rex wasn't usually easy to creep up on. She wasn't even really trying to be quiet. Then again, she did have a naturally light tread.

"I just wanted to make sure we didn't have an intruder," she said.

"Have you a weapon hidden in those fluffy white pajamas of yours?" he teased skeptically.

She scoffed, "I'll have you know that I've gotten better at defending myself since Bane and Merrik. I don't need a weapon."

"Always nice to have one though," he pointed out.

"True," she answered. "Whatcha up to?"

He shrugged, "Just grabbing something before heading to the barracks. I'm... tired," he admitted.

This admission made her practiced smile waver for a moment. She grasped it firmly by the corners and hung tight. "Well, I won't keep you, then. Ahsoka is waiting on me, anyway."

"Ah... the girls night, right?"

She nodded, "Yeah. Um... what are you wearing?"

He glanced down at himself and sighed, "Zygerrian clothing. Disguise, you know. Not that it really helped." He scratched the back of his neck and rubbed his eyes.

Ella dragged her feet to him and lay a hand on his shoulder. He flinched, increasing the heaviness of her buoyant expression further.

Then he looked at her.

Ella's heart ached at the pain she read in his eyes, as clear as if someone had sculpted it in the stars and strung them all together in a perfect, legible message - a cry for help.

She so longed to answer it.

Leaning up, she pecked his cheek gently, squeezing his shoulder just slightly.

"When you want to... when you feel like you can; when you need me, just call. I will come and we can talk or just sit," she whispered. "I know you're tired. I know that whatever you and Obi-Wan endured was trying in so many ways. I'm not going to push you. I just want to take the hesitation away now. Being here for you is never a burden. It's what makes me feel like a good and useful friend. I wait to be a good friend."

She paused, then sighed and stepped back.

"Now that that's cleared up... I'm going back to Ahsoka. I promised I'd be with her for a little while. But Rex... call me and I will come. Okay?"

He nodded, his expression unreadable. There was a faint tension in his jaw, and his lips seemed to be tightly pressed together, but other than this, he remained blank as an empty canvas.

"Love you, ori'vod," Ella breathed, then left him to his thoughts and searchings.

Ahsoka was asleep when she crawled in bed and dimmed the fairy lights. The girl scooted close to her bigger sister and sighed when she felt her arms embrace her, puddling in relaxation, pure joy as she seeped through the mattress and into restful dreams.

"Sleep well, Soka," Ella whispered, before drifting off herself.

•~§~•

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Ella groaned and rolled over, reaching out blindly to paw for the source of noise that dared disturb her slumber. Her drowsy eyes blurred, then focused on the chirping comlink that flashed green on her bedside nook.

Sitting up carefully, she extracted an arm from Ahsoka's strong grasp, and answered the call. "It's Ella?"

Someone sniffled. Ella narrowed her eyes. That sounded familiar. Sadly familiar.

"El... El-la?"

Rex.

"Yeah. It's me."

"It-It's Rex. I... you s-said if I- if I c-called, you-you-you'd c-come, sssooo..."

Ella nodded, every heartbreaking sound lancing her like jagged spears. "I'll be there honey. Where are you?"

"O-Office."

She sighed. "Okay. I'm on my way."

He sniffled again, "I-I'm sssooorrry!"

"No," she quickly refuted. "Don't apologize, please. Just stay there. I'm coming, sweetheart."

She ended the call and shook Ahsoka until she stirred. "Mmmmph? What?" she answered groggily.

"Hey," she whispered. "I will be back soon, hopefully. There's someone who needs me really bad. You don't need to move. Just stay in here and sleep. If I'm not back by morning, call me, or leave a message. I'm not leaving the ship, but it's important I go now. Okay?"

Ahsoka nodded, and Ella knew she heard her and would remember. "Okay. Call me if you need anything." Then she yawned and rolled over, and was back to her dreams in seconds.

Ella extracted the rest of herself from her friend, and slipped out quietly, casting a backwards glance over her shoulder to peer at the chrono.

3:56.

Putting a little speed beneath her toes, she slipped and slid until she skidded to a relative stop at his office door. She didn't knock, but just hurried inside.

Her eyes scanned the room, searching for her beloved friend, catching on nothing as they swerved from left to right.

Finally, they lingered on something. A dark lump curled up in a corner. The lump shivered, and she sighed.

"Oh, Rex..."

Sitting by him, she took his hand. Little by little, she coaxed him to loosen his desperate grip on his folded up legs, and leant him against her shoulder. Silent tears seeped into her warm pajama top, punctuated by the occasional gasping sob, which increased in frequency as he began to realize he wasn't alone. That she was here.

"Shhh..." she whispered. "You're okay. You're safe here."

He turned his head into the pocket where her shoulder curved into her neck, smothering a strangled noise into her welcoming embrace.

"Hey, can you tell me what's going on?" she murmured, rubbing his back reassuringly.

He choked on a sob and sniffled, "They-They did... and I couldn't... it was l-l-like him!"

Rex tried to convey his thoughts more fluently but the stress and fear and pain of the mission had seized control, demanding his body to comply and release its tight control on his emotions. His chest rose and fell in quick succession, only growing quicker and thinner as the lumps in his throat sponged up most of the air.

"Ok," she whispered. "Okay. Don't talk anymore right now. Just breathe in and let go. Okay?"

He nodded shakily, letting her pull him into a relatively comfortable position, his head in her lap as he lay on his side on the floor and let the tears fall.

She just hushed him and ran her hands over his fuzzy scalp. It had been a while since his last cut and there was about a half inch of new growth.

Finally, his wracking cries turned to sniffles and occasional hiccups, and silence began to mantle the room in a downy shelter of comfort.

"You okay?" Ella ventured carefully.

Rex nodded jerkily, "I... I'm okay. Just... kinda got overwhelmed. Sorry."

She kissed his cheek and shook her head, "Don't be. Thanks for calling me. I appreciate being here for you."

"Even at dark thirty?"

She giggled, "Even at this disgraceful hour."

He sighed and went slack, the drowsy aftermath of his huge purge hitting him like an enchanted mist.

"It was awful there," he mumbled. "General Kenobi said that Kadavo was designed to shatter the will. To break its occupants." He clenched his fists. "I think it broke me... or got close to it."

Ella didn't remark, but simply squeezed his hand, trying to convey that she was listening and he could stop or continue.

He opted for the latter. "They wouldn't beat Obi-Wan so often as the rest. They wanted to break him by punishing others for his mistakes. I was just an unlucky availability to unleash their cruelty."

"They beat you?"

He shrugged stiffly. Ella noticed now that perhaps the tightness in his posture hadn't all been from stress.

"Has no one looked after you to see that you're okay?" she asked.

He shook his head, "I doubt there's much to do, anyway. They used electro whips. I just have minor burns, shallow cuts, some bruising."

"Bad bruising then."

He snorted, "How did I know you'd pick up on that?"

"Smarty. Let's get that weird tunic off and make sure nothing will get infected," she said, nudging him to sit up. She staggered to her feet, shaking out the sleeping areas in her numb limbs, and angled to his desk, rummaging through the drawers until she came upon his first aid kit.

Rex had obediently, and with some difficulty, removed the dark vest and lighter-weight yellow tunic. He leant forward on his elbows and let her survey the damage.

She bit back a gasp, squeezing her eyes shut to steady her stinging heart before looking on the malignance wrought across and through his skin.

Several overlapping slashes burned red and ragged, dappled with an array of assorted bruises in different stages of healing.

She also noted the redness that clung around his neck like some draconian figment of jewelry.

Electrical burns.

"This might sting a little," she warned, hurriedly opening some antiseptic pads.

He just grunted, "Comes with the territory."

He bore it stoically - as usual. Sometimes, when she was treating him, Ella wondered if he'd rather pass out than cause even a little scene.

Still, she kept her touches gentle and as chaste as possible. There wasn't a reason to prolong his agony.

After going through the ordeal of cleaning, she rubbed bruise cream on the angry contusions, smiling when he relaxed into her touch. She slathered a salve over the cuts and abrasions, then bandaged him up.

"You have a few badly bruised ribs," she sighed. "Take it easy for a few days, okay?"

He nodded. "I will."

She put the supplies back and grabbed a blanket off of a chair in the corner, draping it over his shoulders. He immediately pulled it more securely around him, then leaned against her shoulder.

"You said it was just like him," she whispered tentatively. "Did you mean Krell?"

Rex hesitated, then nodded.

Ella rested her cheek on his head, wishing the tension to drain his shoulders and the hurt from his heart to dissipate.

"Why?" His voice was broken. "Why do people do such cruel things to others? I don't understand it. What could possess someone to do that?"

Ella shook her tangled locks, kissing his forehead gently. "Evil knows no reason. No logic. It deals in lies, mixing in just enough truth to make it believable. You and I... we won't ever understand what can possess someone to do such things, because understanding evil is far beyond us. We seek to help and restore where they steal, kill, and destroy."

"I wish it wasn't this way," he confessed. "I wish evil didn't exist."

Ella just smiled, a bittersweet note of longing and hope in her voice as she answered with a sigh, "Someday, your wish will come true."

Rex closed his eyes wearily. "At least there's that."

He groaned and tried to push himself to his feet. She tightened her arms.

"It's okay. Just stay here."

"But the men—"

"—will understand. Rex, you never ask anything of anyone. No one will think twice if you sleep in here for one night."

He studied her momentarily, his puffy eyes filled with something like hesitancy. Then trust flooded in, and he nodded. "Ok. But just tonight."

"Just tonight," she affirmed.

"You won't leave will you?" a plaintive whisper beseeched. Strong arms tightened around her waist just slightly, betraying his fear of being alone, at least for this night.

She shook her head, "I'll stay right here until morning."

"You sure?"

She nodded and ran her fingers over his fuzzy head. "Shh... go to sleep Rex. You're exhausted."

Rex seemed to debate whether to put up a fight or not for just a moment. Then his fatigue won and his eyes fluttered shut as she massaged his scalp. He went limp with a sigh and smiled at her wearily.

"You're the best, Ella."

She smiled, half asleep herself. "Love you, ori'vod."

"You too, grayir'ika."

•~§~•

Former Captain 3851 of the 166th Ruthless Battalion drummed his fingers against the side of his thigh plates anxiously. Before today, he hadn't really had the chance to meet with his new General, Commander, and Captain.

Being demoted didn't feel like so much of a dishonor as it should've. In fact, it felt like a gift to not be the one in that seat of authority. That close to the jedi. He thought lieutenant was still good.

The door opened and he straightened to rigid attention.

"Lieutenant! Please come inside," a young man with shoulder length brown hair and blue eyes invited.

The trooper's gaze lingered on the lightsaber dangling from his belt just for another moment, then he wordlessly obeyed.

It took only three seconds to take in the occupants of the room. Captain Rex sat to the far left with an empty seat at his right. A young woman with dark hair and deeper eyes closed the gap the next seat over. Then was a young togrutan girl with two lightsabers on her belt.

The General took a seat at his desk, motioning towards the chair between the Captain and woman.

3851 hesitated, then complied, sitting down stiffly.

"We are glad to have you and the rest of your battalion as part of the 501st," General began. "It's an elite group, with unorthodox methods, but I think you'll adjust fine in time." He nodded towards the man seated to his right. "This is Captain Rex, my most trusted amongst my men, and a wonderful leader."

"Thank you sir," the Captain replied, his voice thick with bashful pride. It was obvious that the jedi's praise meant a lot to him.

"Just the truth, Rex."

He calls him by name?

"This is my padawan and the the commander of our battalion, Ahsoka Tano," he motioned to the girl with lightsabers.

"An honor to meet you, Lieutenant," the girl murmured, inclining her head.

He nodded back, hoping he wasn't supposed to say anything.

"And last, but not least, this is Ella Starrow, our partly volunteer medic," he chuckled. "I say partly because no one will let her go unpaid."

"I'd gladly do it though," the woman said.

"We know," the Captain said, smiling at her teasingly. "And that's why we don't want you to."

3851 had a feeling that they often spoke on this subject. And the familiarity was astonishing.

"I apologize for the demotion," the jedi said.

The Lieutenant's eyes widened slightly. The jedi was apologizing?

"No harm done, sir," he said softly, his eyes latched onto the wall behind his right shoulder.

The man shrugged, "Thank you, Lieutenant." He picked up a data pad and sat down. "I was looking through your file, but I can't find your name recorded anywhere," he remarked.

He furrowed his brow in confusion, "My number should be all over it, sir."

The General sighed, "It is. It's everywhere. But I couldn't find a single trace of your name." Then he saddened and leant forward on his elbows, murmuring, "Do you have a name?"

3851 looked down at the steel beneath his toes. His heart burned with shame and his eyes prickled with stinging tears. He kept them back easily; there was truth to the phrase 'practice makes perfect'.

"No sir," he muttered, almost too quiet for anyone to hear.

"Did you? Before I mean?" the Commander asked with a strange softness in her voice.

He hesitated. He was supposed to be truthful with his superiors.

3851 sighed. "Yes."

The other four bristled. He stiffened. Two jedi were on edge. What had he done?

A slight pressure on his hand made him look down.

The medic had lain her hand across his and squeezed it slightly. The feeling sent mixed signals through him. Was she scared and grasping onto him for an anchor? Was she warning him of an impending threat?

Then... what if she was squeezing his hand to tell him it was alright?

He chucked this idea into the backside of reality. Why would she, a nat born, comfort him?

"Do you remember your name?" she startled him by asking, her voice sweet and mellifluous.

How was he to answer that?

Names were forbidden, and he'd be severely punished if he went against that rule. He didn't want to go through that again.

But then again, he was supposed to answer superiors, and she'd been listed as a superior alongside the Captain and Commander.

She squeezed his hand again. Was it a warning, a reminder that delays heralded punishments?

He nodded slowly, "Yes."

She licked her lips, "We use names here, Lieutenant. Everyone does."

In other words, 'tell us your name.'

His hands were shaking now. He'd really hoped he could've avoided this. Why couldn't he face anyone without it coming to this?

"Steady, trooper," the Captain - no, his name is Rex - whispered.

How could he though? He was going to be in trouble for this. He was going to... surely this was all just a test to see if he would remember how things were supposed to be for clones. Surely if he got this wrong, he'd face punishment. What was he supposed to do?

He heard his breaths whooshing through the room like howling winds. His heartbeat thundered in his chest. They were so loud he thought bombs were exploding in his eardrums.

"Trooper?" someone's concerned voice echoed from somewhere in the distance.

His chest felt tight, like his ribs were a corset pulled to its tightest around his lungs. His head pounded - why did it hurt? It wasn't aching so this morning, so why now?

His bones ached fiercely, as if he had just come from a 'meeting' with Kr- the General. He shuddered thinking about the deceased nightmare that haunted his every hour, sleeping or waking it seemed.

Why couldn't he just forget? It was all in the past now, right? He should be able to shove it out his brain's airlock and move on. He shouldn't be so terrified of jedi! Not like this!

But then the memory of the besalisk's feral snarl filled his ears, turning his spine to jelly. Any courage he'd formerly possessed betrayed him; stoicism never made things better or more bearable when the General was angry. A hand entered his line of sight and he covered his head protectively.

Pressure on his shoulder made him yelp and lash out instinctively. Gravity went stagnant as he plummeted backwards, his back striking the cold floor with a thud that crushed the air from his lungs.

As soon as his limbs would respond, his knees folded into his chest, like a barrier between his heart and vital organs and the blows that would surely follow. His arms barred his head as best they could.

Now he had only to practice the breathing patterns he'd mastered; keeping control of his air intake was key to remaining as composed as he could. That and keeping from biting his tongue. Something about tasting blood really had a way of sending you into a frenzy.

But no blows came.

He didn't move. Sometimes he was like this. He'd draw out the punishment and make him believe nothing was happening, only to strike when he least expected.

Yet several minutes passed with no attack.

Hmm.

K-the General wasn't usually so patient. He only waited a minute and fifty-one seconds tops before pouncing.

Someone touched his arm again and he gasped, curling in on himself tighter and holding his breath.

Here it comes!

"Shh..."

Huh? That sounds... it sounds like...

"It's okay. He's gone. You're not going to be hurt anymore, honey."

What? That's definitely not the General.

Risking a blow to the head, he loosened his protective guard of his face enough to peer out at... a girl?

Who is she?

"Hello, honey. See?" She smiled warmly, "You're okay. No one will hurt you here. I promise. Do you remember me?"

He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head slowly. She did look familiar, but he didn't remember her name. Who was she?

"You just met me a few minutes ago," she prompted. "I'm Ella. I work as a medic with my friends on the 501st. We're on the Resolute and you are safe. Okay?"

He felt himself shaking tremulously as he gulped and nodded again.

What did safe feel like?

If he had ever experienced it, it had been long ago. So long that even an echo of it seemed to muddle with naive hope.

"I am very sorry. I believe I caused you to feel threatened a moment ago," she said softly. "I just wanted to know your name, and didn't realize that you would react to it negatively."

She's... apologizing?

"What should I call you, trooper?" she asked cautiously. "It's up to you."

He licked his lips. The whisper of a long-forgotten name begged to be dusted off and worn again. Did he dare take it off the shelf?

Making a decision that he prayed to whomever cared to listen, he shut his eyes.

"My name... was Onyx."

Onyx like the precious gem that gleamed like the deepest unexplored regions of the galaxy, a mirror of knowledge waiting to be explored.

Onyx like a deep pool of water at the bottom of a wishing well, likely filled with the hopes and dreams of countless centuries, sent into existence with the tinkling of a credit splashing into its eternal depths, sending ripples into time.

Onyx like the epicenter of his eyes, where the honey bled out of one, contrasting the biting ice in its counterpart.

The girl with unfathomable eyes that bespoke an even richer soul smiled, and he could see sadness as well as hope embracing in it. Her hand touched his, causing him to flinch before allowing the touch. It was warm, like a campfire, but less dangerous; less burning. He liked this feeling, a spreading of something big in his chest; thick and impalpable. It trickled out into his eyes with moisture, full of a nameless emotion that ached and pulled him closer still. He had no intention of quelling this.

"Onyx. It is a wonderful name," she whispered thickly, and he had half a mind to ask if she needed something to drink to clear away what was choking her. She seemed... kind. He would like to know her better.

"Thank you, ma'am."

She shook her head. "No. I'm not your superior, Onyx."

His eyes widened. Not his superior? But wasn't she a nat born? All nat borns were superior!

"I'm your friend. Your sister. You're family. And in a family, we stand on even ground," she murmured.

Family.

It sounded too good to be true.

He blinked and arms were lightly but comfortingly around his shoulders, and a kiss was pressed to his forehead, which was pillowed in the crook of an elegant neck, which faintly smelled of sweetness... something which beckoned him to a home he never know he could have.

A droplet of ice melted and streamed down his cheek, honey repeating on the other but slower.

Her fingers brushed both away and snuggled him closer.

"Welcome home, Lieutenant Onyx. You're safe now. Don't be afraid."

And he was safe.

For the first time since he had been a soldier - a real soldier - he knew what safe felt like.

And he fell in love with the feeling of home.

•~§~•

The next few weeks were difficult. It wasn't easy to acclimate several severely traumatized men to safety and kindness, especially when they hadn't ever really experienced it before from anyone who wasn't a brother.

Ahsoka and Anakin had to be mindful to hide their lightsabers from plain sight as that seemed to be a trigger. They had to step louder as to alert the highly sensitive boys of their location. They had to reaffirm several things that had become commonplace in their battalion. Things that were sadly revolutionary to these broken brothers.

Names were legal.

What a miracle.

This took quite a lot of getting used to. Several times, there would be hesitation when saying someone's name, or during introductions. Some of the men had forgotten their names, though there weren't many. Most knew their names. Knew them intimately. Had waited without hope for a day when they would be allowed use. To suddenly be given that permission was overwhelming and a little dumbfounding.

It was okay to play around. Just be careful and try not to break things.

Getting the men to loosen up was like trying to baptize a tooka. It was hard to remember how many times that they'd had to have the 'having fun is a normal and healthy part of life, get your depressed shebs up and go to 79's or a movie or roller skating rink' talk.

Or even something as simple as telling the new guys that it was okay to pull pranks. Fives and Jesse were currently heading the crew of rising pranksters.

If you break things, there will be consequences but you will not be reconditioned or abused.

That was a tough one to swallow.

Poor Shy was the first one to receive that talk after he accidentally slipped and his elbow collided with one of the barracks' shower mirrors, shattering it instantly. He was in a ball in the corner, rocking as blood trickled down from his lacerated arm.

And, as became the common operation, Ella was summoned to calm him and reassure him that nothing was beyond help and that he wasn't in danger of dire punishment.

There was something about her that quelled their fears. It opened a door in their hearts that they didn't know or had forgotten that they had. A door that responded to female attentions and found comfort acceptable. It was so foreign from what they knew, that it seemed to be one of the only things that could bring them back from a panicked state of mind sometimes.

Ella was currently piling as many pillows and blankets as she could find into the center of the barracks. Ahsoka was handing out bags of popcorn, and Anakin was queuing up the movie.

A set of arms lifted her off her feet and she gasped before squealing as she was carried through the throng of brothers to a spot at the center of the front.

Rex set her down gently, laughing as she swatted him playfully, and Fives handed her a bowl of popcorn. Jesse and Tup drew closer until she was practically pillowing the heads of many of her friends.

What was it that made everyone want to snuggle with her?

She didn't mind in the least and placed a kiss on each head, smiling as it bloomed red upon their cheeks.

"What are we watching tonight, Ella?" Charge asked softly.

She tousled his near-white hair and winked, "Have to wait and be patient like the rest of us, Charge."

"That's no fun! Please, Ella?" Rogue begged, pouting as if he believed that would work on her.

She shook her head resolutely and patted his cheek as if to apologize. "No, my good man. You'll have to see for yourself. Ooh! It's starting! Look!"

The lights were dimmed and the two jedi took a seat with their little group of friends, lounging on their sides and against shoulders.

"No! Go back in the house Coral! Listen to Marlin! NO!" Rogue wailed in a murmur, echoed by several of his brothers.

"Aww... Nemo is so cute!" Tup cooed.

"It's just an egg right now, di'kut," Fives shook his head.

"Then it's a cute egg!" he shot back.

"Oh my gosh, he has more energy than Hardcase!" Jesse laughed.

Ella just smiled and leaned against Ahsoka's shoulder, scratching Rex's back as he listened to his brothers and watched.

About an hour or two later, the film ended. Anakin and Ahsoka bid their men goodnight then withdrew silently.

The new ones began to rise, but tentacle-like arms secured them within the throng.

"Captain?" Onyx asked confusedly.

Rex pulled his brother closer. "Do you remember cuddle piles on Kamino?"

He nodded hesitantly.

"Well, we have them here. We decided it was high time to integrate our new men into the tradition again," Rex explained.

"So... we just lay here?" a boy named Keeper murmured.

He nodded. "You stay here. You feel the warmth of those who love you. You remember that no matter what, you are not alone."

Time drug on as silence descended. There was the occasional shifting as someone maneuvered themself into a more comfortable position, a sigh or two.

Then came the first sniffle.

It was joined by another, then another.

Ella turned and enveloped Onyx as several of his brothers did the same. Around the room, men were turning to hold their kindred as they finally began to remember what safe felt like.

What not having to be afraid of their own general felt like.

Onyx's hands fisted in Ella's shirt, his tears melting into her shoulder as she whispered softly, but loud enough for the others to hear, sweet words of comfort.

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough

Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up

Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?

Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know.

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And You say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours

And I believe, oh, I believe

What You say of me

I believe.

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me

In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity.

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And You say I am held when I am falling short

When I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours

And I believe, oh, I believe

What You say of me

Oh, I believe

As quietness began to creep in again and the tearful sounds turned to snores and sighs, Ella pressed a kiss against Onyx's cheek.

"I'm glad you are here, vod," she whispered.

He hummed and snuggled closer to her, "I'm glad I'm here too."


Hey y'all!

Sorry for going AWOL. Been on the road a lot and haven't had much time to write. Rest assured, I could never forget about this story or my amazing readers! I may be forced to take a short HIATUS soon due to family stuff, but I will try to keep the chapters rolling.

Hopefully this installment isn't too... bleh. I admit to being kinda distracted while composing it so apologies in advance.

Thank y'all so much for your patience! Have a blessed night!

Love, Peace, and

LittleBitOfGrace