Chapter Thirty-Three

Ella savored the pictures of her wedding album, her fingers brushing lovingly over the faces that had been torn from this beautiful life. Even those that still lived.

Ahsoka was so happy in these pictures. So full of joy that it bubbled over through her starry-blue eyes.

She held the book of memories to her heart, a tear slipping down her cheek.

Now she was gone too, lost in this writhing, menacing city, full of people with bad intentions or no moral backbone; people that convicted her one moment and smiled at her the next.

Ahsoka didn't belong in such a crowd.

Oh Maker, please protect her, she prayed silently.

A knock sounded at her door, startling her out of her quiet reminiscing. Putting the album down on the couch and untangling her legs from a soft blanket, she approached the door.

"Yes?"

"Ella, it's Asajj," came a familiar voice.

She opened the door, smiling tiredly at the woman. "Everything okay?"

She nodded, "I just thought you'd rest easier knowing that someone you cared about was safe. So, I brought them here."

"That's very kind of you; who…" she trailed off as the woman stepped aside to reveal a tiny girl hugging herself tightly behind her. Tear tracks painted lines down her cheeks.

Ella gasped.

"Soka?"

The miserable girl sobbed and nodded.

Ella nodded to Asajj and she gently ushered her inside, shutting the door behind them.

"Here, Ahsoka," she said, "lay down here on the couch and cuddle that blanket. I'll get you some tea."

She did as she said, scooting into the corner and snuggling into the soft fabric. Asajj took a seat beside her, then stood up again. She gasped and lifted what she had accidentally sat on into her hands.

"Ella… you were married?" she asked in shock.

Ella froze. She should've put the album away. "Yes."

"You married a clone," the woman continued, flipping through the pages. "It looks like you were both very much in love."

"We were," she whispered.

"What happened? Is he still alive?" Asajj asked. She swallowed, "Did I…?"

Ella shook her head, "No. He went on the mission to the Citadel. There was an explosion. He didn't make it."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "The Citadel is a horrible place. I've been there a few times." She paused, looking through the pictures. "It looks like it was a beautiful wedding."

Ella nodded, "It was more than I could've dreamed it to be."

"His name… Echo?"

"Yes."

Ventress finished the book and sighed, closing it. "I'm sorry. Losing him must have been difficult."

But the widow managed a smile, "We loved each other very much. Getting over losing something like that has a right to be difficult and to take forever. If it didn't… I don't think it would be love."

"I won't say anything to anyone, Ella," she whispered. "You've been good to me. It's the least I can do."

She brought two cups of tea and a platter of cookies over and set it on the coffee table.

"Thank you. Here," she handed Asajj a steaming cup. "Help yourself. Here, Soka. I have tea for you."

Ahsoka took the mug and sipped it carefully, sighing in relief as she tasted the sweet and spicy flavor. "Thank you, Ella."

"It's my pleasure, Soka," she assured her as she sat between them on the couch, wrapping her arms around her shivering frame. "I heard what happened. I'm glad you're okay, but I'm so sorry for everything that you've gone through. I can't imagine how betrayed you feel."

She sniffled and leaned her head against her shoulder, letting the older girl take the mug before she could spill its contents. "I… I can't believe Barriss would do it. I can't believe she did that to me either. I thought… I thought she was my friend!"

"I know."

"I left the Order, Ella!" she cried. "What was I thinking? Why did I leave them and all the boys?" She shook her head, "I didn't even say goodbye to Rex! He must be so upset right now - he's lost so many of his brothers as it is, and I didn't even—"

"Stop. Don't you start beating yourself up. You've been hurt enough as it is," her friend interrupted. "Look at me."

She hesitantly met her eyes. The poor girl looked so lost and broken. Her beautiful blue eyes seemed like a shattered mirror, a million pieces falling one by one.

"I am proud of you," Ella said.

Ahsoka's lip trembled and she dropped her head. "You're not mad at me? I mean… I left!"

"That's okay. Remember what I said to you just a few days ago?" Ella lifted her chin with her finger, hoping to really drive this home. "You're my sister, and that will never change. No matter what."

"Can you… can you tell the boys for me? That I'm sorry I'm leaving, but… I just… I just can't come back right now, Ella. I need to try to refresh. Maybe try something new for a while."

Ella nodded. "Hey. Tell you what. I'll record you whenever you're ready. I'll give that to them. It'll mean more to them than me repeating anything."

Ahsoka nodded.

"Uh… should I leave?" Asajj asked concernedly. "I mean, if you're taking a recording…"

Ella patted her shoulder, "It's okay. We'll wait until it won't put you at risk."

She smiled gratefully. "I should probably get back though."

"Or… you can stay and we'll have a girls' night?" she invited.

"Girls' night?"

"We watch a movie, have popcorn, cuddle up together with some chocolate, warm blankets, soft pj's," Ahsoka said. "Please?"

Asajj hesitated, then nodded. "If it's not too much trouble."

"Ella, can we watch Tangled?"

She was already up and moving. "Yes, if you make the popcorn. You left some pajamas here last time. Asajj, wanna borrow some of mine? I have way too many."

"If you're sure," she accepted shyly.

"Come on then. Ahsoka, if you burn my place down, I swear I'll resort to death by perpetual tickling," she threatened playfully.

Ahsoka squeaked, "Anything but that!"

Ella winked and led their new friend into her room and grabbed some soft flannels and a sweater with a bright yellow smiley face on the front, and 'Choose Joy' stamped onto the back.

"Try these," she said. "I'll get changed and we'll have some fun."

"Ella… you've been amazing to me these last few days. How can I ever thank you enough?" Asajj asked.

Ella just hugged her and smiled, "Just keep doing your best to chase after the admirable things. Whatever is good and lovely and praiseworthy. And," she stood back, holding the taller woman by the shoulders, her voice a hint stern but still kind, "you have to work on forgiving yourself too. Let go of the shame and anger that has dogged your steps for so long and be free. Have an adventure to reclaim who you are."

"I will," she murmured, eyes glittering with barely-restrained tears. "Thank you."

"It's no trouble at all really. You can keep the pajamas and I don't mind running grocery missions for you—"

"No…" she said, "I meant thank you for being my friend. No one has ever treated me as you have. Thank you so much."

Ella smiled at her warmly, "Thank you for letting me. Now come and claim a pillow before Ahsoka steals them all. She has quite a knack at that."

"HEY!" came the indignant exclamation.

They giggled and quickly scurried into the living room where their friend was waiting. Ella dimmed the lights and accepted her bowl of popcorn from Ahsoka, then snuggled in between the two and pressed play.

•~§~•

Rex sat in his office, staring blankly at the little disc that sat upon his desk.

It had been sitting there since yesterday morning when Ella came to the Resolute, saying she'd encountered Ahsoka, and had a message to them all, and some private ones for closer friends.

They'd all gathered to hear their beloved commander's parting words.

She'd held herself together well, apologizing for the mess she'd accidentally caused, and for not returning. She explained that she just needed some time. That maybe one day she'd come back, but right now everything was too fresh.

'I still consider each of you to be my family. My brothers. And I'm so very sorry if I've hurt you with my decision. I don't ask you to understand or even to forgive me. I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten you, and I'm sorry.'

After they'd dispersed, Ella had spoken to Fives, Jesse, Chopper, Tup, and Axe, handing each a little disk.

Then came his turn.

"She wanted to record these for each of those she considered closest friends. There's things she wanted you, and only you, to know."

She'd smiled then and placed the little disc into his hand, then hugged him.

"Take all the time you need. But don't wait forever."

And so he'd retreated to his office and stayed (not hidden) all night and further into this afternoon, unable to even sample the contents.

It was silly for him to be scared of a little disc.

He was Captain Rex of the 501st, third… second in command of General Anakin Skywalker's legendary battalion.

He'd weathered many tough campaigns and nearly lost his life many times. But he'd pulled through.

He was a conqueror.

He was a survivor.

A warrior.

So why did this personal message scare him so much?

Hesitantly, Rex picked the little device up in his hand, his fingers memorizing its form, the bumps, ridges, and indentations.

Come on, Rex. Just get it over with.

Taking a deep breath, he set it back on the tabletop, and pressed the display button.

A sweet and familiar face appeared. Ahsoka was wearing a t-shirt and leggings, a fluffy blanket draped around her almost protectively. She smiled at him, heartache poignant in her eyes.

"Rex," she began, her voice strained. She sniffled, wiping her eyes as she ducked her head. "I should've known this one would get me," her muffled voice laughed mirthlessly. She took a breath and looked up again. "I know I hurt you. I'm sorry. I want you to know a few things. First, if you doubted my innocence, even for a moment, don't feel guilty. I understand why, and I'm sorry I put you in that situation. That I gave you the reason to doubt." She sighed. "I also want you to know that I didn't leave out of spite. I'm not angry with you or the Council. They had every right to be suspicious of me. My actions weren't exactly transparent. And… I want you to know this too."

He bit his lip as he watched her struggle with her emotions. A few tears spilled over anyway.

"I'm sorry, Rex! I don't want to be away from you and the boys. You're my family, and I miss you so much!" she cried, sobbing over the last bit.

His own eyes her stinging and he scrubbed at them frustratedly. She was blurring behind the curtain of tears and he wanted to see her. He wanted to hold onto this last piece of Ahsoka- his brave, kind, sweet grayi'r'ika - as tightly as he could.

"Rex, I wish you were here," she whimpered bitterly. "I wish you could be. You're the best ori'vod I could've ever asked for, and somehow you always make it better. Out of all the people I can count on - or could I guess - you're the one I trust implicitly. The only other people are Ella, Anakin, and Padmé. I thought I could count on Master Plo. On Obi-Wan. Maybe that's unfair. Master Yoda said that they had reached a decision and that it wasn't unanimous. I don't think they'd ever agree to throw me out. But… I don't know, I just don't know what I should do! Should I have stayed? Acted like everything that happened meant nothing? Just went on?" She shook her head, "I don't think I could. I'm sorry, I'm not that strong. I just… I need to try to work through this. To find myself again. I… I do want to see you if you want to again. I attached the address here. If you want to meet me there tomorrow at 1600… I'd like to see you. I miss you. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. For watching my back, always being there. You're amazing. I hope you stay safe."

The holo faded and an address appeared. He quickly downloaded it into his comlink. He looked at the chrono on the wall and cursed, wiping away the traces of tears as he sprinted out the door.

He didn't have much time.

•~§~•

Ella helped Ahsoka push the trundle into the corner by the furnace, grunting and leaning back against it after it was in place.

"What time is it?" her friend asked, anxiety lacing her words. She wrung her hands and looked out the window.

Ella stood and walked to her, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder. "He'll come."

"What if he doesn't?" she worried.

She shrugged, "Then he probably hasn't watched it yet."

She sighed and picked up her new com, punching in digits.

"Honker's Pizzas. Nekkia speaking."

"Can I place a delivery order for a large meat lover's pizza?" she asked.

"Alright, anything else?"

"Some breadsticks please? A dozen?"

"Will that be all?"

"Yes please."

She repeated the order back, then took the address.

"We should be there within ten minutes."

"Thank you!"

She sat down and looked around.

It was a small place. Two windows. There was a full kitchen, but it was very small. A little table was set on the floor before one window, just a few feet away from the furnace. Cushions were thrown around it, taking the place of chairs.

She busied herself by setting the table with her new utensils, which were cheap but durable.

A knock came at the door and she brushed herself off, grabbing the money for their food before opening the door.

"Wow! I thought ten minutes was fast but you got here in five! Must've been… booking it…" she trailed off when she realized it wasn't the pizza delivery guy.

Rex stood there on the cheesy little doormat, biting his lip and standing uncomfortably straight. He wasn't in his armor, but the softer greys that the naval officers favored. His hat was missing, and his hands were free, stuck behind his back.

His eyes reached out to her like his comforting arms, as if they wanted her to know he was there, but still scared she might not really want him there.

But Ahsoka sniffled and launched herself like a missile into him, crying softly into the scratchy material of his shirt. Immediately he reciprocated the embrace and kissed the top of her head softly.

"I'm always here, grayi'r'ika. Of course I understand. And I'm not mad at you," he whispered, his voice gravelly, hoarse with tears.

Ella smiled and leant against the doorframe, watching them contentedly.

"I'm sorry, Rex! I'm so sorry!" the girl cried.

"It's okay," he promised. "You're gonna get through this. You're gonna be okay. And you are strong, Ahsoka. One of the strongest people I know. Don't you ever doubt that."

They stayed that way for a few minutes, when a young Twi'lek boy arrived, carrying two boxes and a small paper bag.

"I have an order of one large meat lover with a dozen breadsticks and extra sauce?" he said, somehow unfazed by the scene.

Ella took the credits from Ahsoka and out them back inside, returning with her own card. "That's right. I'll pay for it."

He handed the food over and smiled. "She's the good jedi, right? The one who saved my little brother on the lift?"

Ella smiled and nodded, "Yep."

He nodded. "I hope she finds happiness again soon."

Ella beamed at him. "I think she will. With time."

•~§~•

"So you're going to Ringo Vinda?" Ahsoka asked, sipping a cup of coffee.

Ella nodded. "Yeah. Tomorrow."

"The twins are nice. Tiplar used to tell me stories when I was younger, and Tiplee sparred with me sometimes," she took another sip. "Their commander is nice too. Well… actually, he's more like Wolffe mixed with Fives. Weird combo I know, but it's like this. He's devious and sarcastic and fun, and is lethal on the battlefield. You know how Cody will sometimes go caveman on droids? Kick them and stuff? He kinda does that too. Just… randomly chucks himself at droids."

"Chaotic good," Ella joked.

Ahsoka snorted. "Yeah. His name is Commander Doom. You'll make immediate friends if you give him a small pack of jelly beans. He loves those things."

"Ooh good to know," Ella giggled.

"Hmm… hey Ella?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Thanks for being there for me. For always being… well, you!"

Ella squeezed her hand and smiled. "Anytime. Now, how are you enjoying the Last Sin-Eater?"

"I've already cried twice and I'm only on chapter ten. I love it."

"Prepare to bawl and love it even more. It just gets better."

It seemed like everything would be okay. Like the world was getting brighter by the minute.

Ahsoka had a place and a job, and friends who still cared about her.

Asajj was visiting now and then, updating them on the goings on and what she'd heard that could be of help to them. A week ago, she'd returned to find the lock on her door fixed and the HVAC running, a cot with a pillow and blanket in the corner and a lantern next to it. Atop a book was a note.

'I hope this helps you feel safer and warmer.

PS: I forgive you.'

"I don't know who did it if you didn't," she'd told Ella the next day when she brought the annual supplies of groceries and necessities. "But if it wasn't you, and you have an idea of who it really was, tell them thank you. What they did means everything to me."

Ella had passed the word along to a certain captain and commander, who had both expressed their joy at her reaction.

As they walked out of the little coffee shop, Ella smiled because the sun was shining, making the light misty rain appear like sparkling glitter, as if heaven was celebrating something grand and glorious.

If only they knew.


Mando'aTranslations

Grayi'r'ika - little sister

Ori'vod - big brother.

I hope this good! Somehow I got this one done today and I just didn't want to wait to post it. Hope y'all are well!

Love, Peace, and

LittleBitOfGrace