All familiar characters and events belong to Janet. Mistakes are mine. The first three lines are from a writing prompt. The offending beverage discussed, I also saw online.

"What do you think?"

"It tastes like paint thinner and bad decisions."

"Perfect."

"Why is that perfect?" I asked Valerie.

"Because if it tastes awful, I won't drink too much of it. But I do deserve to make a bad decision."

Maybe she'd already hit the hooch before I got here. To be more than 'just a mom', and only working for her hubby's always-struggling business, she decided she needed to take up a new hobby every week to become a more interesting person. Two weeks ago it was making homemade booze, and the flammable result of that was supposedly ready for serving today.

Lucky me, I was chosen to be her co-Guinea pig in tasting her Shimmery Jelly Doughnut Moonshine. After one sip, I knew it wasn't going to become a staple on Sundays after church like its doughnut counterpart. Its name sounds better than the drink will ever be.

"You've already made three major bad decisions," I told her. "You married Steve, though that only half-counts because I love Mary Alice and Angie and he spared five minutes of his time to help create them. But moving from Jersey to California was a really bad decision. So was falling in love with Kloughn. You could've held out for more of a man instead of a pet you have to help take care of, but again … we wouldn't have Lisa if you'd done that."

"I don't regret my cuddle-umpkins. He isn't for everyone, but I'm happy about that because I know he's all mine."

I took another sip of the lighter fluid, suddenly needing a jolt of something other than envy.

"This is a stupid game," I said to my perfect sister. "Even your mistakes have something incredible come from them. That's not fair to those of us who continue to fail spectacularly with nothing good to show for it."

Sensing the start of a pity party, Valerie topped off her glass. Maybe I underestimated how goody her two shoes are. She was knocking this crap back with some serious skill and clearly an iron-lined stomach.

"You've done a lot, Steph. You catch bad guys so they aren't wandering around the streets ready to hurt people like me or my girls. You're the only one who can keep Grandma mostly under control. And let's not forget, you got the hottest guy in Jersey to fall in love with you."

"I hope you mean Ranger, because Morelli isn't all that great and he was never in love with me …"

"I'm glad you said that," she interrupted to say.

"Tell me the truth, you started this taste-test without me, didn't you? I'm having trouble following all of your thoughts."

I turned on my kitchen stool and glanced around her eerily quiet home. Albert had taken the girls for ice cream and I suddenly realized how strange it is to be having a conversation with Valerie that had nothing to do with our Mom or her kids. I thought maybe she was already drunk, but maybe I'm not fully understanding her comments because we haven't had a chance to talk as two grown women, leading totally different lives, before today.

"Of course I'm talking about Ranger," she said after another impressive gulp. "Joe is what you'd call 'neighborhood hot'. He's nowhere near Ranger's league. And how he's treated you hasn't been attractive at all."

I clinked my glass to hers. "I'll drink to that."

"What about toasting the rest of it?" She asked.

"I like hanging out with Grandma Mazur, as long as her dentures are in and she leaves her gun at home, so I hardly think spending time with her is something to be applauded for. And if I wasn't going after FTAs, someone else would quickly replace me. Vinnie reminds me of that every day."

"Hmmm …"

I took another cautious sip, already feeling the effects of her 'spirited' doughnut. "What? Why are you hmmm-ing?"

"You didn't say anything about Ranger."

"So we're doing girl talk now?"

"Yeah. I mean, I hope we can. We didn't talk much growing up, and then I left only to come back to the Burg with a bunch of crap to deal with. Now that things are calming down around here … I sort of hoped we could become those kind of sisters they show in commercials and in those movies I'm always too tired to watch more than seven minutes of."

"So you have been drinking," I decided.

"No, I've been thinking. I know what Mom, Dad, Grandma, Albert, and my kids are all up to, but I don't know what's going on with you. Are you still 'single' … or did you finally give into what everyone knows you're feeling?"

I decided I could get real used to drinking this crap real fast. It felt better going down than any of my answers will coming up.

"It's complicated," I hedged, watching an edible piece of glitter slide down the inside of my glass.

"Really? It takes two seconds of watching Ranger watch you to know that he's in love with you. You can't say that you don't feel the same way about him."

I chugged my drink instead of answering.

"Oh, Steph."

I started shaking my head, which was a mistake because my brain feels like it's swimming in her homemade hooch.

"No. No … 'Ohs'. If I tell Ranger that I love him, it'll be over."

Without even looking at her, I can tell she's staring hard at me.

"What will be over? Normally, admitting your love for someone means it's the start of a relationship, not the end of one."

I sighed. "Easy for you to say. Kloughn will do anything you ask him to … whether that be have a new baby or not leave you alone when you need him. Ranger's not like that. He loves me, but he has the entire world depending on him. I can't be selfish and tie him down when there's so much at stake, nor would I consider doing that. I've grown up enough to get that the world doesn't revolve around me or what I want."

She poured more witches brew into my glass and waited until I took another sip to speak again.

"Steph, you're making it sound like it's a life or death decision. If he had ever hurt you, I'd probably have a different opinion on the two of you, but he's always there for you. If you need him, he is literally just a phone call away. If he leaves town, he diverts part of his empire and his men to make sure you'll be protected when he's gone. Why can't you do the same for him? If he does need to be elsewhere, wouldn't his life be easier and his mind clearer if he knew you'd be here for him when he got back? Instead of saying that you're giving him the freedom to do what he has to, maybe you should start looking at a relationship with him as giving Ranger someplace safe to come home to."

I opened my mouth to say something, though I'm still not sure what would've spilled out.

"Admit it," she pressed, "you haven't even looked at another guy since you met him, Morelli doesn't count because he was already butting into your life at the time, but you all but take a Polaroid of Ranger whenever he's with you. Aren't you punishing both of you by not telling him that you love him and really want a life with him?"

"You don't understand, Val. He's said flat-out that he doesn't do relationships, and has only joked about marrying me. He's as hesitant to seriously act on what we feel for each other as I am."

I watched her four eyebrows inch higher up on her forehead. I shoved my glass her way. Clearly, I've reached my limit. No way my perfect sister would tolerate four perfectly-plucked arches of hair over her eyes instead of the standard two.

"Next week, please choose weird brownie or hot dog casserole recipes to try out," I told her. "This is too much."

"The moonshine or the conversation?"

"Both."

"I agree with one, but not the other."

"No shit. You and 'cuddle-umpkins' are disgustingly happy … heavy on the disgusting," I told her. "There's no gray areas to navigate in your relationship. I can't say the same about mine."

She put both elbows down on the granite top of her kitchen island. "How did Joe react when you thought he wanted to marry you?"

I didn't want to take a swim under that bridge I've thoroughly burned, but I was buzzy enough to indulge her. "Panic followed by anger, and then I ran when I felt both emotions too ... along with a heavy dose of nausea."

"Was that what you were feeling whenever Ranger 'joked' about marrying you?"

My thoughts of Joe are like sun-heated, flat beer laced with cayenne pepper. Those memories with Ranger still feel like a fine wine ... delicious, warm, and relaxing.

"No. Ranger was either laughing or turning introspective, so I enjoyed those moments regardless, because he doesn't laugh or let down his guard often. Do you think maybe he wasn't joking? That he actually has pictured us married when our someday comes around?"

"That's a question he should answer, don't you think?" She said to me.

"Nope. He could say it's all in our heads, that he's never been serious about me or about settling down."

"Give me a percentage of how likely your scenario is to be true?"

Again, I went to say something but I wasn't sure if I'm answering in my voice, or Ranger's. Huh, I've never spoken for him in the past, so why have I been so ready with an answer for him when it comes to me?

I sighed. Valerie is suddenly being so sisterly … I don't want to ruin this by lying. "I don't know. Ranger is … Ranger. I'm never sure when he's kidding or when he's dead serious until we wake up in bed together or are holding each other after surviving another murder attempt."

She knocked back another round. "That bed-one is definitely a conversation we're going to have. I can't imagine how …"

I cut her off. "Don't waste your time. Your imagination will never be vivid enough to accurately capture how Ranger is naked and focused on you."

"Sh … it," my perfect sister said, drawing the word out into two syllables.

"Yeah," I agreed. "He's pretty amazing on all fronts and in all areas."

My areas especially, but I kept that knowledge to myself.

"Then what's the problem?" She asked me.

"The problem is … he's everything I've ever wanted, and probably what I need in a partner. If he discovers I don't measure up to what he initially saw in me, I'm screwed. You're right. I've never looked at, or have been interested in, anyone but him. Truth is, I've picked myself up many times … after Joe destroyed me in high school, when Dickie cheated on me and I got crucified for wanting a divorce from him afterwards, and when I got fired from my job and had to build a new life from scratch and agreed to tolerate Vinnie for a paycheck. But if Ranger cuts ties with me and Trenton … I don't know how I'd bounce back from that. He knows me better than I know myself. If he figures out I'm not what he needs … well … it won't end well."

"Did it ever occur to you that he may feel the same way about you?"

"No. Ranger can survive anything … anywhere."

"Hmmm," she said again.

I pointed an accusatory finger at her. "Stop with the 'Hmmms'. You've reached your daily quota of them."

"For the record, I think you're wrong," she said after a few beats.

"Yeah, well, I think you're drunk," I accused, though I appear to be more affected than she is by her jelly doughnut Drano.

Her smile was wide enough to cause a shiver of unease to run down my spine. "Do you have your cell on you so you can show me that picture you took of Mary Alice at the comic book store? I've been meaning to ask you to send it to me."

I blame the booze for me not questioning her abrupt change of subject. "Yeah, it's right here," I told her, digging my phone out of my bag and turning all thumbs trying to get the picture she wanted up on the screen.

"Gimme," she said, showing her big sister side and confiscating my cell. She turned away from where I was sitting and that's when my Spidey Sense sensed the imminent danger. "Um, Ranger? This is Stephanie's sister Valerie. I accidentally got Steph a little tipsy and she may need a ride home from my house. I'd take her, but I've had more than she has and Albert is currently out with the girls."

The panic infiltrated my nervous system before her words did. I more than anyone should not be confronted with Batman right now. I can barely resist him when I'm sober. And now I know there's a 'contact' name I'll have to change, since my nosy sister knew how to use it and Ranger against me.

"Okay, great. If you could just get her and her car back to her apartment, I'd feel soooo much better," she was saying.

I narrowed my eyes. She'll feel even better in five minutes. I've heard dead people don't feel much of anything.

She disconnected and slid my phone back across the counter to me. "We lucked out, Ranger is already in the area. He'll get you home safely."

"I can get myself home," I said, standing up and realizing that being on your feet isn't all it's cracked up to be. "Did you get me drunk on purpose?"

"No. This really was just a moonshine tasting party. You just have really horrible coping skills when you're feeling stressed. And when I see an opportunity to do some good, I can't help but act on it."

I rested my forearms on the counter and allowed my head to drop onto them. "You set me up with your homemade truth serum," I told the granite.

"I did not. Seriously, though, I don't want you to miss out on a good thing, Steph. I don't have the best track record with men, but I know when one loves someone … even when it's no longer me. Let Ranger help you, and then let him love you. You owe each other that."

I turned my head to the side to look at her. "Why didn't you want to remain alone after living with our parents and after what Steve did? It seems like the safer option."

"It is, but that's not how I want to live my life. I need people around me and I loved being married, in the beginning anyway. If Albert wasn't the right fit, I would have been open to whoever showed up in my life at the right time and with the right intentions."

"How?" I asked.

She shrugged. "By trusting that I now know what I need. If Albert wanted me but ignored my kids, that would have been the end of it. The big question is, do you know what you need, Steph?"

I was spared trying to figure out an answer by the ring of her doorbell.

"I'll get that, but think fast about what I said. Ranger loves you. Give him a chance to show you how much without either of you expecting a kick out the door afterwards."

Now I understand why we've never had heart-to-hearts, I thought to myself.

"How are you doing, Babe?"

Valerie was walking back into the kitchen after him, mouthing 'He's so friggin' hot' to me from behind his arm. I have to agree. He must have just finished an apprehension or a patrol, since he's still wearing his utility belt under his jacket. I tapped the countertop sympathetically, knowing this kitchen wasn't ready for this much testosterone walking in it. If I'm being honest, neither am I.

"I was fine when I got here, but the bartender served me something that should be made illegal ASAP. I only had a glass and two extra sips, and you're getting close to having two heads."

"You can thank me later, two of those particular faces definitely wouldn't be a hardship to look at," Val unhelpfully added.

"Yep, I'm done here," I told them, starting to stand up.

I felt like the room was spinning only a little, so I felt confident I could make it outside under my own steam. First thing I do tomorrow is Google whether or not you can get poisoned by your sister's supposedly non-toxic craft projects.

"You get my arm around you or you're having me carry you out," Ranger informed me. "Those are your only two options."

"Go with carrying, Steph," Valerie suggested. "Don't waste a guy who can haul you to your car. I keep my cell on me just in case I slip and fall and need an ambulance. Albert could barely lift my hair up and out of the danger zone when I had morning sickness with Lisa."

I looked at the arms crossed over Ranger's chest and then cut my eyes to my big sister's dopey grin. "An arm is all I need."

Now Ranger is grinning, while Val looked totally disappointed. Good, she doesn't get to brag about her marriage one minute and then try to live vicariously through me the next.

"Not the best choice, but a good one nonetheless," he told me, sliding his arm around my back and using it to curl me into his chest. His lips brushed my temple. "Although you know I'd carry you anywhere, preferably straight to my bedroom."

Gulp.

"Call me tomorrow," Val called behind us before Ranger closed her front door.

I took a moment to look around, knowing something is different but needing a second to figure out what it was.

"Where's my car?" I finally asked.

"Likely back at Rangeman by now. Tank was with me on a job, and he drove it back for me."

"But not back to my apartment?"

"No. If you did indulge like Valerie suggested, I don't feel comfortable leaving you passed out in a place where mouse traps are the only security system in place."

I was about to argue about that, but Val's words came rushing back. Only Ranger would be worried I'd be incapacitated if someone chose tonight to break into my apartment. Hell, Morelli left me chained and naked in my shower when he knew a demented rapist was stalking me. And Dickie was happy to use me as bait when a psycho was really after him. Yet Ranger broke into my apartment to unlock the cuffs and made me feel totally at ease despite not knowing him well at the time. He was also tracking me to try to keep me safe from Petiak. How many guys would have passed on copping a feel or taking a few pics to share when someone's naked and at their mercy? Or waste time protecting someone they're not currently sleeping with? It says a lot about who I've been exposed to that I can only think of two names, Ranger and Eddie. And Eddie would never have let me forget it even though he would've helped me.

"Okay … thank you," I said to Ranger now, sliding onto the leather seat after he opened the door for me and lifted me up into his truck.

"Anytime, Babe."

That's when it hit me. He actually means that. Whatever happens between us romantically, he's always going to make sure I'm okay. He doesn't just love having sex with me, he actually loves crazy, reckless, scared-as-hell-to-trust-someone me.

"Damn it," I said, I thought to myself but I forgot how fast Batman moves.

"Damn what?" He said, sliding behind the wheel.

"Valerie. I'm going to have to thank her tomorrow. I really hate doing that. It goes against my Don't allow her gloat policy."

"Thanking her for getting you drunk?"

"No. For highlighting what I've known all along, but was too afraid to face."

He was quiet as he started his truck and pulled out of the Kloughn's driveway. "That's a cryptic answer."

"Not really. She called you because she trusts you with me, solely due to the fact that you've always backed up the claims that you love me. You haven't just said the words, you've proven it over and over again in how you've acted towards me. Tonight is just one more example in a long list of them."

He took his eyes off the road to shoot the Batman-equivalent of a 'Duh' look at me. "I've never hidden the truth from you. And I always do what I say."

"True, you haven't hidden a thing, which made her say that I need to stop being scared to go after what I want, and start trusting that you're everything I need."

I saw his fingers tighten on the steering wheel. "You should have saved that until we were on Seven," he said.

I found it interesting that those words sounded like they were being shoved through clenched teeth.

"Why? I thought you'd be happy to hear that I love you."

More finger clenching. "I'm more than 'happy', but I have to get this truck safely to Rangeman instead of doing what I need to do after finally hearing those words from you."

A feeling that I know has nothing to do with Valerie's homemade swill, and everything to do with the man beside me, had me reaching over and trailing my fingers up the inside of his thigh.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked.

"Calling Tank to say that I won't be in for the rest of the week, and then getting you immediately naked and in my bed if you're not asleep by the time we reach my building."

"I was a little tipsy, not drunk. And I'm feeling all kinds of sober right now. Spilling my guts has a way of killing a buzz. I'm up for a staycation, so count me in."

"Stephanie …"

"Yup, that's my name. Feel free to wear it completely out when I get you naked in seven minutes when we're safely tucked in on Seven."