Chapter Thirty-Five
He didn't even have the chance to knock on the door, for it opened as soon as he was a foot away. Ella stood there, eyes puffy and red, tears weeping from them. His heart ached for her. How many times had he witnessed her tears since he'd met her only three years ago? Why couldn't she be spared grief just once in a while?
And why couldn't he?
Why was he so destined to have everyone and everything he loved just torn away from him the moment good things started happening again? Why was it impossible to be completely happy?
Rex didn't even realize that he'd moved until he was sitting inside her apartment on the couch, his hand held in her smaller one, the gloves set upon the coffee table. A warm blanket was thrown sloppily over his back, slipping from one shoulder. She reached out and settled it securely, encasing him in soft comfort.
"Rex?" Ella asked for what could've been the umpteenth time. "Hey, are you okay?"
What was she asking really?
Was he cognizant of his surroundings?
Did he know she was there?
Was he injured or hurt in some other way than the pain throbbing in his chest with every beat of his fraying heart?
Because this was Ella asking that question. She knew he wasn't okay when it came to his too-fresh loss. That he'd lost another brother - another special piece of who he was. Another part of his fragile joy.
Fives is gone.
"Rex?" she tried again, her wavering voice holding an anxious quiver.
He shrugged. "I… Ella… I feel so numb."
A slight weight rested against his shoulder and he felt her hair tickle against his cheek.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, emphasizing his choice.
He almost smiled at that, the bitterness of his grief tasting some sweetness in her consideration. She was always so caring about that.
"I… I don't know if I can," he admitted in a hoarse whisper.
"That's okay."
Silence reigned for quite some time. Even the traffic noises that could easily be heard on most days or nights in this endlessly bustling city seemed to be drowned out by suffocating quietness. It was eerie how empty the world was growing. How cold and barren, like a dead star, plummeting into a frozen ocean.
"Kix gave us coordinates to meet him at an old warehouse," he found himself saying, words dully ricocheting back to him. "Apparently he attacked the Chancellor, which made him public enemy number one. The Corrie Guard was everywhere. I can't tell you how many comments I heard from them along the lines of,'I can't believe we're out here hunting down a brother.'"
She hummed in acknowledgment, letting him continue or pause unhindered by her words.
"We met him there and he insisted that we put our weapons down, then trapped us in a ray shield and began telling us about this plot in the works against the jedi. It was hard to understand. He didn't seem really… right. Kept stuttering and stumbling. Not like him really. Emotions were kinda messy. He insisted that Palpatine was in on the plot, saying that Tup got sick because we'd all been implanted with organic chips, and his decayed and sickened his brain, killing him."
"Then what?"
He shook his head as memories flooded his vision.
/ It was terribly hard to watch or listen. The moment he saw the shininess in his eyes, Rex knew that his brother had been drugged or something of that nature. The way he spoke. The way his body was hunched over, almost vibrating with some toxin. It screamed of sabotage.
Fives knew something that someone didn't want him to know.
It was impossible for him to believe that even an irate Fives would attack the Chancellor. But a drugged and livid Fives? It was more than possible.
Especially if he posed a threat to the Republic.
"You have gone too far Fives," Anakin growled angrily. Rex had to wonder just how close his General was with the old man to be this defensive of him. "The Chancellor isn't capable of what you claim!"
"He is!" the man insisted emphatically. "I swear to you, General, you have no idea—"
"Stand down trooper! Stand down! Get on your knees!" came a painfully familiar voice. The loading of guns echoed around the room.
Fives turned, his body tensing with shock and surprise. "No! No, no, stay back!" he cried.
Suddenly he caught sight of the pistols that his captain had placed on a nearby crate, temptingly close. Everyone knew what was running through his head.
"Don't do it! Don't do it, soldier!" Fox pleaded, shaking his head desperately. If he pulled the guns on him, he'd have no choice.
"Get away from me!" the ARC screamed gutturally, reaching for the weapons.
Rex's blood pressure skyrocketed, roaring in his eardrums as he begged, "Fives no!"
But it was too late.
The instant the gun was pointing in the direction of the commander, a shot was heard as well as a gasp of horror.
Two guns clattered to the floor at the same time; one at Fives' feet, and the other knocking off of a crimson boot.
A moment later, a choking ARC was affected by gravity as well, and fell onto his side, his gasps weak and wet with internal damage.
"Fives! Fives!" Rex called out, his voice sounding far away and small to his own ears.
"Get this ray shield off!" General Skywalker ordered.
One of Fox's men slowly raised a shaking blaster and shot the source of the trap, obliterating the walls that held Rex back from his brother.
"Fives," he murmured, sinking down beside him. He would recover from this, wouldn't he? He'd make it, just like always!
"Brother," Fives choked, and a drop of scarlet blood splattered from his lips.
Rex's heart hammered. "Call for help! We need a medic!" he barked even though he knew that nothing could help his brother now.
"R-Rex!" the wounded man on the cement floor strained.
"Fives?"
"This… it's… bigger than any of us… than anything… I could've imagined. I never meant to…" his voice was getting too weak and slurred to be understandable and they both knew it. Rex lifted him so that his mouth hovered near his ear. "I only wanted to do my duty."
The captain had to shut his eyes tightly against the stabbing tears that surged at that confession.
Of course he just wanted to be the best he could be.
Because if Fives was something he was the most loyal and honest brother he knew.
'You couldn't lie your way out of a paper bag,' his General's jesting voice echoed as Fives' spasmed and jerked, then suddenly went eerily still.
Rex pulled back, blood running cold as he watched his hazel eyes dimming, lashes hooding them so that they were covered in shadow. If they closed now, nothing could make them open again.
"Brother... Fives! Stay with me, Fives. Fives?!" he begged, shaking him slightly, desperate to keep his heart beating. Another line of red traced a sticky course down his cheek, sending the hands holding to Fives' rapidly fading soul trembling.
"The... the mission..." Fives breathed. "The nightmares... they're... finally... over..."
His eyes closed.
And he stopped breathing as his head fell back.
"Fives!" Rex whispered, shaking him gently.
This was a dream. A horrible, terrible dream, and maybe if he woke his friend it would end.
"No, Fives... come on, Fives! Don't go! Stay with me, stay with me! Fives! Fives, don't go!"
But he didn't stir. Not even the bat of an eyelash.
Fives was gone.
"No!" he whispered, voice and lips trembling. "Oh... no!"
His hands didn't feel like his own as they lowered the corpse to the floor, and he fell back on his rear end, a cold, clammy, sick feeling writhing in his core.
A scuffle drew his attention and he looked up to see that Fox had collapsed in a heap of sprawled limbs.
"Commander?" came the delayed response of one of the boys in red.
Fox didn't move or react, and when his helmet was removed, his pale face was revealed, eyes closed.
"He's passed out. Derby, help me get him onto the gunship. Come on, Commander!"
"Rex… can you hear me?" Skywalker's voice floated, disjointed and strange.
His head nodded on its own.
"Come on, Rex, we have to leave now," he said, pulling at his arms.
He flinched back, letting his weight keep him on the ground. "Please, sir… I don't wanna leave him," he whispered hollowly.
A sigh, "I know, Rex. But we can't stay anymore. Come on now."
He didn't quite remember how he got to the ship. He just remembered staring out the rain-pelted window into obscured city lights, feeling all alone in his cockpit.
All alone. \*\
"I… I don't even remember calling you," Rex whispered. "I just remember needing…"
"Someone who cared?"
He nodded. "Someone who will let me… who doesn't make me feel like I have to be the Captain. Someone who understands sorrow and… yes, who cares about me."
Ella sighed. He hoped he hadn't overstepped.
"I'm glad you came here; I'm glad I'm that person for you," she said, dissipating his concern with a playful tousle to his hair.
"I can't forget it, Ella," he whispered, mind flashing back to crimson blood, crimson armor, closing eyes, ending heartbeats. "I want to forget! I don't want this to be real!"
Warmth dampened his cheeks, and he felt his body jerking as it gave into pain, taking the choice of hiding his sorrow out of his hands.
"Shhh… I know," she sniffled, her own voice holding tears. "I know. It feels horrible and I know it would be wonderful to just wake up. Someday we will. Someday this life will be like a distant dream. But right now it's terrible and we are facing it."
They didn't speak anymore after that, but simply echoed the falling rain, thinking of a brother who had once laughed and joked and been a little osik half the time, and been the most caring person the next.
A brother they'd both miss dearly.
Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum, Fives, he thought as he faded out into sleep.
•~§~•
Ella woke up the following morning to find Rex asleep on the other end of the couch, shadows beneath his eyes and a train of snores issuing from his throat. She shook her head fondly and covered him with a blanket, kissing his temple as she went to prepare breakfast.
A chirping noise alerted her to the comlink in her bedroom. Racing to it stealthily, she answered it, hoping the noise hadn't disturbed the grieving captain.
"Hello?" she whispered.
A high-pitched screech split her eardrums, nearly making her head spin. She was so startled by the sudden noise that she threw the device across the room and yelped. Anxiously she stuck her head out to see if Rex was awakened by the cacophony.
Surprisingly, the good captain slept on, a bone-rattling snore evidence of his continued slumber.
Padding to where she'd cast her comlink, she picked it up, hands still shaking as she braced for another barrier-breaking scream.
"Yes?"
"Ella! I've been calling all morning!" Galene chided, though her voice bounced with excitement.
"I'm sorry. I was asleep. Had a rough past few days," she apologized, clearing her throat so that she wouldn't sound like an aged bullfrog. "What's got you so chipper at…" she craned her neck to find the chrono, "11 AM?"
"You've slept in; that's fine. Ella, I'm so happy!"
"Tell me! What is it?" she asked, sitting down on her bed. "Great sale at the Muja Branch? Oh, no. Maybe it's that show you're so excited about. It's got a new season, doesn't it?"
"Way, way better!"
Ella's sleep-deprived brain couldn't think of anything else and she sighed, "Sorry, Allee. You caught me before I had tea. I'm brain dead. Care to let the tooka out of the bag?"
She giggled near-maniacally and screamed, "I'M GONNA GET MARRIED!"
Ella gasped in shock and surprise, unable to process this or form a reply. Of course she was giddy for her friend - more than that, she was so very grateful for her. She knew that she'd wanted this for so long, and no doubt Kix had too.
But at the same time, she was just so emotionally exhausted that she didn't know how to respond.
"Ella? Are you okay?" her friend asked concernedly.
Ella nodded, then babbled, "Y-Yes! Oh, Maker, Allee, I'm so happy for you! I'm so sorry for not reacting the way I want to right now. I've just had a really emotional last few days and it's kinda hitting me weird. I'm so glad for you! I really want you to know that. And tell Kix I'm happy he found the courage. Do you have a ring? When is the wedding?"
Galene quickly launched into an explanation and told everything about it. How he'd brought her to a garden with a lake and showed her the oldest rose ever grown. Then he got down on one knee and told her that he hoped that their love would last longer, and that he wanted to be her husband.
"We're getting married below 79's in two weeks, and Obi-Wan agreed to marry us. It won't be a huge ordeal. Just close friends. But I wanted you to be my bridesmaid. Ella? Oh, Ella are you okay? What's wrong?"
Ella felt hot tears streaming down her face, and her shoulders shaking, and knew she was sobbing. She couldn't stop and had to take gulps of air to fight the squeezing around her heart.
"Ohhh-oh All-lleee. I-I'd love t-to! I… ugh, I'm s-sorry. Nothing's wrong. I'll tell you later. You need to be happy for right now—"
A commotion in the background caught her ear, and she heard a familiar voice speaking to her friend.
"What! Oh, Kix, I'm so sorry! That must be why… give me a sec, darling. Ella, it's about Fives, isn't it? Oh, why didn't you tell me?"
She sniffled, "I want you to be happy, and you were. I'm sorry! Really, I just… you're excited about… and I didn't want… I'm sorry!"
"I'm not mad. Just… I have to go. Call me later?"
"Of course. Be there for Kix."
"I will. Bye girly."
"Bye."
Ella sighed and rubbed her eyes, a smile mingling with tears, sour on her tongue. She wanted so badly to be purely happy today. To celebrate it like there was no tomorrow that wouldn't be grand and lovely. But how can you stop the clock of tragedy when it answers to no one?
Groaning as she stood, she shuffled her way to the kitchen and started the coffee machine. Maybe the small of coffee and pancakes would tempt joy into her friend's heart, at least for a little while.
•~§~•
"Oh, no! No, no, no! Ahh, okay, where's the fire extinguisher?"
Huh?
Rex sniffed the air as a familiar scent shocked him into wakefulness. He felt the soft blanket and realized that he was at Ella's apartment.
So why did he smell smoke?
Eyes widening, he sat bolt upright and hastily turned his head in the direction of the kitchen.
His jaw dropped.
Ella was spraying a flaming coffee machine with a fire extinguisher, her face sooty and black and hair sticking out in wacky directions.
"There!" she croaked when the last of the flames subsided, just adding one more spray for good measure. "Ugh, why!"
Ella froze then, turning to look in his direction. She smiled sheepishly, hiding the extinguisher behind her back. "I made breakfast, but I think I need to buy a new coffee machine. This one… well, it decided to pursue a new career in starting fires."
He stared at her for a moment; her disheveled appearance and the blackened, smoking machine on the countertop.
Then he burst out laughing, almost falling off the couch in his mirth.
"What?" she asked, her own voice edging on humor as well.
He only laughed harder. Soon her bubbling giggles joined his hoots and barks. It seemed silly to be losing it like this over something that could've been so much worse, but it wasn't. Today was funky as it was. Why not laugh at this if they could just be laughing for a little while?
When they finally lapsed into belly-aching sniffles and groans, Ella stood and plated some pancakes and bacon for him, sliding the food across the bar to one of the seats.
Wiping her eyes she sighed, "Here. Eat your breakfast."
Rex picked himself up from the couch and stumbled over to the counter, practically falling onto one of the stools. Eagerly, he sniffed at it, then began to eat.
"Mmm…! Iss ish gurd," he said through syrup-sticky lips.
She smiled, "Thank you. Glad you like them. Galene called me."
"Is that what the undead screeching was?"
She swatted at his arm, rolling her eyes as he chuckled and rubbed at it as if her weak attempt had actually been painful. "She had very exciting news!"
"Very exciting?"
She rolled her eyes again, "Very exciting. Care to guess?"
He chewed thoughtfully, alabaster brow furrowed in concentration. "Um… she's got free tickets to a show she really likes?"
"Guess again."
"She is getting a tooka finally?"
"Better than that. Well, I'll ask her later. Guess again."
"Oh, she got a raise at work? Maybe promoted? No?" He sighed. "I don't know. What?"
Ella smiled brightly, "She and Kix are getting married!"
His mouth dropped open and Rex looked faint.
"Rex? You okay?" she asked.
He nodded slowly.
"Are you sure?"
Another nod. Rex blinked, shook his head as if clearing his mind of excess thoughts, and hummed, a strange look on his face that only contorted into something stranger and increasingly comical with every passing second.
"Rex, you gonna be alright?"
He opened his mouth to reply, then froze. "Nope!"
Thump!
"Rex!? Oh my gosh, did you just pass out?"
•~§~•
Darkness accentuated the flickering candles that dimly lit the basement, burning pale light over the creeping white flower petals. A crudely formed arch had been erected at the end of the floral trail, the greenery and sweet peas draping down around it to swath twinkling fairy lights.
It seemed enchanted, like a nymph hollow. Even though the noise of club music was dimly heard above them, and if you focused hard enough when breathing, various alcoholic beverages could be detected, this wasn't imperfect to the couple.
Kix wouldn't be able to remember for years any such inconsequential details. All that mattered was the beautiful woman in the ivory dress, sparkling with glitter that the stars must have cried into existence, a smile on her satin lips and eyes like the sea that leapt and crashed together with joy and pure sunshine.
He couldn't even hear the soft instrumental music that his bride had chosen to lead her towards him, Rex leading her every step. Jesse's steadying touch on his shoulder barely registered, so numb was he to all else but his girl.
Galene stopped before him, taking his hand that shook against hers. Oh but she looked priceless. Too expensive for his threadbare heart to afford.
But here she was, his ring on her finger, her lips willing to be claimed by his own.
Forever.
He couldn't even hear Obi-Wan's voice, or recall his own breathily spoken vows.
Suddenly, the General was smiling at them both, and he felt an ivory ring settling on his finger, and a thin band of marble was clutched between his own, sliding down to rest against the sparkling jade and opal he'd secured on her hand just two weeks ago. Two burning weeks, desperate to be passed by in trade for sweeter times.
"Kix," she said, her champagne voice cutting through his awed stupor. "You're my everything. The person that I had given up hope in finding. You're the answer to every whispered prayer I felt guilty for praying. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I swear with every beat of my heart, I will face it with you. I love you more than anything."
Kix smiled giddily. "Galene… I've forgotten my vows. I knew I would, but I hope I will make some sense on the fly."
She blushed, absolutely thrilled to have taken those saccharine words from his tongue.
"When I met you… I began to dream for the first time in my life. When you're destined to be a replaceable clone in an army of thousands who are the same as you, and know you won't likely survive the war, you don't really see the point in dreaming. But you… you snapped me out of the cycle I'd been running through for ages, and instilled in me the opportunity and purpose to begin dreaming and hoping. I can't say when I realized I loved you. It was so natural. Like breathing. Of course I would love you, and always had in some way. Some part of me knew that you - the essence of who you are - were missing from me. And I desperately need you. I'm rambling now," he chuckled abashedly. "I love you so much, Galene. You are more than I deserve. Selfishly I hope you never agree with me. I can't wait to begin our future together."
They had no unity candle or any such ceremony. Galene's family was estranged from her and kept no care for their daughter's happiness. Kix was better off without such venomous in-laws.
But Ella stood and sang a short hymn for them, and Jesse read a few verses of a book that meant a lot to them both.
Then Obi-Wan smiled. "With the power vested in me as a Jedi Master on the High Council and General in the Grand Army of the Republic, it is with great joy that I pronounce Kix and Galene Ingrid as husband and wife. Kix, you may kiss your bride."
The words were hardly out of his mouth before her arms were thrown about his shoulders and his lips were tasting cherries and cream off her tongue. A smattering of soft applause crescendoed in the background, and they moved to the small table where the little gathering of friends was waiting, and embraced them all.
Ella's great big doe eyes were glowing with hope and light. Kix's heart ached for her. He couldn't imagine life without his wife in it. He felt terrified of losing her. What must she be going through on a daily basis?
But she was smiling and all dressed up in soft succulent green, echoing the pale but luscious plants cradled in her hands which she set aside to hug him.
"I'm so happy for you, Kix," she whispered against his ear.
He huffed out a laugh. "Thanks Ella! Thank you so much. It's because of you that I even met her."
She shrugged modestly, pink kissing her cheeks. "Oh, you'd have met somehow. I just know it."
Galene came then and nearly tackled her in a hug. "Ellie! Oh my gosh, have I told you lately that you're the best friend ever!"
Ella grunted in strangled mirth. "Oh, don't be silly! It's you who's the best one here!"
"No, I'm the bride. You're my best girl - bridesmaid of honor," she replied sassily.
"I think Charge is a little amazed by the cake," Kix laughed. "What do you say, love?"
Galene took his hand and kissed him soundly, "I say let him eat it! Let's cut ourselves a slice before it gets devoured!"
Time seemed to pass in a strange cycle of languid speed. It was so exciting and wonderful that nothing seemed to fully register, never settling, every second passing by like wisping fog.
Before he knew it he was on the dance floor, his gorgeous wife in his arms, rocking back and forth as music played around them.
"Are the stars out tonight?
I don't care if it's cloudy or bright
'Cause I only have eyes for you, dear
Now the moon may be high
But I can't see a thing in the sky
'Cause I only have eyes for you
I don't know if we're in a garden
Or on a crowded avenue
You are here, so am I
Maybe millions of people go by
But they all disappear from view
And I only have eyes for you
How can I live a day without you?
I need your love to see me through
You're not here by my side
Maybe millions of people go by
But they all disappear from view
And I only have eyes
I only have eyes
Only have eyes for you
I only have eyes for you
Are the stars out tonight?
Could be cloudy or bright there
Eyes so blue, kisses true
I never knew."
Her kiss transported him out the back door and through a tunnel of sparkler-bearing friends to a speeder, driven by none other than Axe.
Clambering into the backseat, he took her into his arms and held her close, waving goodbye to their friends as street lights sucked them into mindless movement and carelessness.
"I love you, beautiful," he whispered against the hollow in the creamy column of her throat.
She sighed, fingernails grazing over his fancy haircut and the Aurebesh tattoo, words a mere breath intoxicated with adoration and desire against his hungry mouth. "I love you, Kix."
•~§~•
It was a beautiful wedding, even with all the whispers and secrecy.
"I think he'd have wanted us to enjoy it," Vaughn sighed as he tucked away the last bit of his fifth piece of cake.
"Yeah. Fives always wanted people to be happy," Rogue mused, peeling candle wax off his hands.
Ella nodded, "Yes. He did. And you're right Vaughn. He would. It's hard though."
"Of course it is," Chopper said sagely, leaning back against a wall. "It's war after all, and we're not doped up on false-peace like the rest of this desensitized society. War hurts, but there's precious moments that are shameful to let pass by unused. Fives loved reveling in those moments, creating as many as he could for his enjoyment as well as others'. He'd be rolling his eyes at us for even hesitating to take joy when it's offered us."
Ella nodded.
Somehow, this little celebration was a battlecry against the swarming darkness.
Like candles at midnight, fighting to stay burning and strong, they would strive to choose joy, and keep choosing it for as long as they drew breath.
Even with the tragedies that stabbed their hearts like thieves in shadowy alleyways, or the losses on thousands of smoking battlefronts scattered across the galaxy, they could snatch this rare moment to be bravely, scandalously, truly happy.
Oh Fives, Ella thought, blinking back tears. I still miss you, my friend. At least say hi to Echo for me.
Mando'aTranslations
Osik - y'all are smarties. I believe in you.
Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum - I'm still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal. Mandalorian remembrance of the dead.
