Chapter Forty-One
The news that Ella was leaving seemed to sweep over the 501st like wildfire. No one could really be angry. They understood. Like Rex had told Ella, this was the best option. But it didn't make it the happiest, especially for them. The veterans had loved Ella ever since she was introduced, and gradually accepted her not just as a crew member, but as part of their aliit. She'd held their hands in their darkest hours, fought for them when they wanted to give up, treated them like they were precious children of the Maker.
Losing her would be losing a sister.
The shinies, or shinier members of the ragtag bunch, saw her as almost a mother figure, and often came to her and asked for help. She gave them girl advice, life advice, don't do that you'll kill yourself advice, and inevitably also patched them up when they sometimes ignored the latter. Ella was hope. She lit the way and guided them down a path that might lead away from war and into a vast, unexplored land called Peace and Joy.
Rex tried not to show it, but the softy was losing his rib cage - the person who protected his heart. The one who told him how to become a part of an everlasting family. The one who didn't mind when he sobbed into her shoulder when he couldn't take losing another anymore, tried so hard but couldn't save them. Ella was the captain's best friend, even if he didn't say it. Everyone knew.
Kix, Vutyc, Wander, and Winter were beside themselves. How would they care for the wounded like Ella did? How could they fill her shoes? How could anyone? She had a way with them that was incomparable.
Rogue and Charge were often with one another, speaking about how she did this or that for them, and how were they gonna do this without her? She was the beacon that gave them a purpose and a goal. Curse the kammies. Let their own long necks choke them. Anything so Ella would stay.
Chopper was quieter about his sadness, but that was expected. He and Jesse spent long hours just kind of sitting in the same space. The room they read The Selection series in on the bridge was the best place, steeped in memories and warmth long frozen over. Sitting here, they could almost just feel those good times again, when everything seemed so hard, but looking back, they were the most lighthearted years.
Vaughn was despondent. He kept to himself the best he could, and didn't like talking about it. If he did, he'd break down. Echo and Ella had saved him so long ago, and she had always made him feel special and loved. He didn't want that to stop. No matter how he tried, he couldn't shake the horrible feeling that he was being abandoned, even though he knew it really wasn't a choice being made. He wondered if Ella felt this way when they'd thought her husband was dead.
Sterling and Emery were sitting together on a bench in the gym, which they'd thought was empty. The younger sighed and leaned forward on his elbows.
"I'm really gonna miss her," he murmured, taking a swig of his Electrade. "She's… like the mom I never had. I'll never forget when she held me, that day on Kamino when Grievous was gonna kill me. She made me feel safe. Loved."
"I know," Sterling agreed. "Do you remember when she read that story to us? The one about the children with magic rings that went to another world?"
He nodded, "I do. I remember her coming to sing to us and read more of the story the entire time we were in the medbay. She had this way about her. She didn't belittle us or treat us like babies. But she let us be kids too."
Sterling sniffled, "She gave me a lollipop when she took care of my leg."
"She gave me one of her own painkillers when I wasn't allowed to have a stim when the medics were reserving them for criticals. And she kissed my face too!"
"Your face?"
Emery motioned to his forehead, "Between my eyes. I don't know. It made me feel special."
"I wish she wasn't going," Sterling admitted.
"So do I."
"But then she might lose him again."
Emery growled, hands fisting, "Stang kammies. They always ruin everything!"
"Wish I could wring their scrawny necks. Give them some of their own medicine. Show them what it feels like to live in fear."
"I just wish…"
"Yeah. Me too. Come on, vod. Let's go shower off and get to the mess. I think Ella's playing the piano again tonight. Before she goes. Might as well savor it while we have her."
The sounds of the two melancholic troopers faded out, leaving the gym empty and silent as deep space.
Echo cautiously stepped out of the locker room, sighing deeply.
He tried not to let the troopers' unintentionally hurtful words sink in. They were just gonna miss her. That was more than understandable.
But he knew he was taking her away from these boys. Away from people who needed her.
I always ruin everything.
But he needed her. Nothing and no one gave him the joy and peace that she did.
But I don't deserve her. These people do.
He strode across the empty gym towards the door, bitter resolution settling in his heart like lead weights, pulling it down until the strings that secured it were at the breaking point.
Maybe I can fix this.
•~§~•
Ella was playing Where Sheep May Safely Graze, surrounded by dear friends who were all drinking in the music as if they'd never hear it again. She doubted that. Rex was a brilliant pianist. He'd pass her skills easily soon.
Her heart was a strange mix of heavy and light. She'd miss these people - men who had become her close friends and brothers.
Worry traipsed aimlessly around in her heart. How would Rex handle this alone? Of course, he was strong in character and everything else. But she knew her friend well. Knew how the dark circles beneath his eyes could no longer be banished by sleep. How truly stressed he was and how much this war was taking its toll on him. She never doubted his abilities to serve. Just his ability to keep himself from sacrificing his health, physically, mentally, or emotionally, to bring the endless battles to a swift end.
At least, maybe then in the aftermath of the war ending, he can breathe again. Maybe he'll be able to experience peace.
The door opened and she knew without looking who had entered. Bittersweet warmth rose in her heart at her beloved's presence. She loved that man dearly. She'd do anything to be with him.
If only he'd let me.
Ever since the night after his successful mission, Echo had been distant from her. She didn't know how to broach the subject and tell him that she had noticed. Maybe he hadn't wanted her to, and was struggling with personal trauma alone because he didn't want her to know something, or didn't think he could explain. That was what her mind proclaimed.
But deep down, she knew something else was simmering beneath the surface, festering like an infection. She wished she understood what the wound was so she could at least attempt at healing it. But she didn't. And she felt helpless and scared.
Finishing the song, she smiled and stood up. "I… I don't know if these are the right words to say, and I wish I could express with better ones just how loved you've made me feel for the past almost four years," she said. "You're my family. I hope each of you knows that. Even if we aren't always physically there, that bond remains. I'm going to miss all of you very much. Don't doubt for a minute that I won't think of you and pray for you."
There were a few sniffles heard around the room.
Ella smiled through dewy eyes. "We've been fighting these battles for so long that it can seem as if there isn't going to be any end. That we'll continue to fight, and die, and lose people we love to this war forever. That's not true. Do not be disheartened, even though the road is long. We have made it this far, and the results are evident. How many families do you think are living in freedom they never thought they could attain because of your efforts? How much joy do you think you have bled? I cannot give you a perfect answer, so I'll just summarize. You've given more and won more than you would believe to be possible. For this, you should feel proud. And one day, and I believe that day is soon, and will pray until I see it, this war is going to end. And then we will begin a new journey of finding out who we are next. For now, strengthen yourselves. Cement your brotherhood and steel yourself for the battle at hand. You are warriors, wild at heart. And they know it. From here on out, remember that."
The whole company had risen to its feet, a fire in each eye, burning untouchable and untamable. Determination shone from each face, and they looked more alive than they had only a few somber moments before.
Rex smiled at her dangerously, but gratitude finished his smile. She returned it with one of her own.
This was how she wanted to leave them; not desolate, not hurting or feeling abandoned. She wanted to see them afire with inspiration and a hunger for freedom that would burn in them until they achieved ultimate victory.
Maybe they won't hurt so much this way.
•~§~•
Echo had to smile; only Ella could take a room of war-torn men who had lost so many people they loved and inspire them to stand, hearts beating like marching drums and eyes glowing like embers.
Ella was so many things. Beautiful, inside and out; talented, gentle, fiercely protective, genuine, innocent yet so wise.
Why does she stay with me? I'm nothing compared to her, and she deserves so much better.
Echo watched her play song after song, lulling some of the men to sleep. Their slightly more awake brothers supported them as they staggered to their beds.
Rex stayed the longest, then turned and saw the woman's husband by the door. He smiled and stood quietly, careful not to make too much noise as he made his way over.
"You'll have to take care of her, Echo," he whispered. "The rest of us might come after you if you don't."
Anxiety swirled in Echo's gut at those slightly serious words. He wished that such friendly banter didn't affect him in such a distressing way, but how could he help it? He was a mess and he knew it. How could he possibly make her happy?
He found himself nodding mutely, unable to find any words as he listened to his wife play. Her hands looked so graceful and delicate as they played intricate patterns across ivory and ebony keys, trembling high and rumbling low.
"Hey, Echo," his friend said. Echo turned to face him. His face was serious, but his eyes were caring. "Take care of yourself too. Okay? I can read between the lines; I know some stuff is hitting you now that you've had a little time to process being here."
His eyes flickered to the tops of his boots. It was true; he'd tried to hide it, but should've known Rex would realize anyway. He always knew when something was wrong. It was like a sixth sense. Sometimes he even knew before the medics.
Must come with being a captain; having a role where you have a lot of people under you to take care of.
Rex clapped his shoulder, "Just don't forget who you are, Echo. She fell in love with that, and would want you to heal yourself. Let her help sometimes. There's something healing about a woman like her." Then he smiled. "I'll let you walk her back now. She's probably exhausted. See you tomorrow? Landing pad?"
Echo swallowed the lump in his throat. He nodded. "See you then, Rex."
Rex nodded and began to turn, when some strange desperation seized Echo and he grabbed his shoulder, stopping his movement. He turned, one eyebrow raised in question.
Echo pursed his lips, then hugged him. "Thank you, ori'vod. Thank you so much."
Rex was caught off guard by his sudden affection, but quickly recovered and hugged him back. "Anytime, vod'ika. Except let's not have a repeat, okay? Stay safe."
Echo nodded, "I will. I swear."
They pulled away hesitantly. Echo was surprised to see tears shining in the captain's eyes.
The blond just smiled and shook his head. "I'll miss you, you know. I'll miss Ella, of course, but I'm going to miss you too. And I hope you know that if the kriffing Kaminoans weren't a problem, I'd be happy to welcome you back into the 501st with open arms. You're my friend, and no matter what anyone says, I believe in you. You're no liability. You're a hidden strength."
Echo felt his own eyes misting from the kindly spoken words, and a warm flush rose red upon his cheeks. His heart needed those words, even though he hadn't really thought of them as necessary before.
Rex nodded at him with an air of finality, then backed away and headed towards the barracks.
Ella had begun to play another song when Echo approached her. His heart ached as it recognized the melody as their song. The song that inspired his nickname for her, and had played on their wedding day when they danced for the first time as a married couple.
Those were sweet days.
He didn't say anything, but watched her fingers continue to spell out the memories until they elegantly closed, twinkling on a high key. Her left hand traveled down to a lower register, her rings glinting at him almost mockingly. They shouldn't cause the uneasiness that settled in his chest, but they did.
Smiling, she turned around and stood, stepping closer and draping her arms around his neck, her ear coming to rest just below his heart. Feeling unsure, he lifted his arms and returned the embrace, keeping his hands above the middle of her back, just touching her shoulder blades.
She sighed and looked up, lips so close to his own. She didn't move in, just watched him.
He froze.
Ella's eyes filled with something he didn't understand but didn't like before going scarily blank, and she lowered her face again, stepping away. "I'm all packed for when we go tomorrow. Kix is staying in the medbay overnight to monitor Edgewise when he comes out of bacta, so he offered for me to stay with Galene."
"What's wrong with our own bed?" Echo asked, his throat tight as his heart occupied it stiflingly.
She turned, "Crosshair and Wrecker disassembled it earlier and moved it into the Havoc Marauder for us. I was going to let you have the original one if you wanted…?"
She stood, waiting to see what his answer would be.
All Echo could think was that she was going to be in another room - another bed. She wouldn't be there when he woke up and ran to the gym to run himself ragged trying to regain what he'd lost. She wouldn't be right beside him, a gentle, peaceful presence in the night to ward off the nightmares that he'd been able to keep away.
She doesn't want to sleep with me, in any sense of the word.
"Echo?" her voice cut through his inner panic.
He could only nod, and grit out, "That's fine."
That same look that sent his heart crashing to a screeching halt, blaring warning signs and flashing emergency lights all around him, flickered for just a moment before dissipating into the unfeeling expression she set up. She nodded slowly and turned on her heel.
"Walk with me?" her voice asked too quietly.
He nodded and followed her.
Maybe if I tell her she isn't obligated to leave, that awful mask will fall off, he thought. That emotionless expression killed him; it didn't belong on such a lively face as Ella's.
"Ella," he began cautiously, "I… I just wanted you to know that… well, you've been with the 501st for some time. They'll miss you, a lot. I… you don't have to leave them, if you don't want to."
Ella froze, her feet almost tripping herself at the pace at which she stopped. A look of shock replaced the colder one and Echo immediately regretted his words when he saw the pain in her eyes.
"What?" she asked, too calmly. Much too calmly.
He swallowed. "You don't have to come. You've worked hard here, and everyone really cares about you. Trusts you. I… you don't have to leave that. You're under no obligation."
A tear spilt down her cheek, shattering Echo's heart.
What have I done?
She shook her head, then stepped forward, looking dazed. "I… I'm going to go to see Galene now. I'll see you tomorrow."
Then she walked on, not looking back.
Echo stood in the hallway alone, his hands shaking dreadfully and his breath coming too quickly. Looking around, he ran back to the room that had been theirs since the year before. It looked empty without Ella's things. Empty and cold, and lifeless.
The little twin bed was made up as it had been before she'd arrived here and stolen his heart forever. Everything was rearranged to match the other rooms that mirrored this one in everything but who had occupied them.
Stinging tears bit his eyes as he sunk down upon the mattress, peeling the blanket and sheet back and sliding beneath them before turning off the bright light.
Darkness descended.
No matter how he tried, Echo couldn't chase away the persisting sense of cold, nor could he drive away the accusing thoughts that tormented him until he fell into a troubled sleep.
Even that brought no peace to him, and he was unable to return to unconsciousness when a violent and graphic dream attacked him for the third time in a row.
Curling up in the corner of the bed, Echo hugged the pillow for dear life, wishing to high heaven that it was his wife and that whatever it was that he'd done when he had tried to set her free could be forgiven, and feeling guilty for needing her all the same.
I always make things worse. She'd be better off without me.
•~§~•
As soon as she turned the corner and left her husband in the other hallway, Ella broke into a run. Everything was so confusing. Why was this happening to her? What had she done to deserve this?
Galene opened the door to her room before she could knock a second time. She was dressed in some comfy pajamas and wore a smile on her face. It dropped as soon as she saw her friend.
"Ella? Oh, my gosh, what's wrong?" she asked.
She shook her head, unable to speak, not wanting to believe the words that had frozen her heart. She wrapped her arms around herself defensively, tears dripping from her eyes.
Her friend pulled her inside and sat her down on the bed. "Okay. I get it. You can't really speak right now. Can you at least nod because I'm really freaking out, you're acting like someone got killed. Is everyone okay?"
Ella nodded.
"Okay. Is it medical related?"
She shook her head. How she wished it was.
"Did something happen between you and Echo?" her friend ventured.
Without meaning to, harsh, ugly sobs tore from deep in her chest. In an instant, her friend had wrapped her arms around her and was holding her tight.
"Oh, Ella, what happened?" she asked.
"He… he doesn't love me anymore!" Ella bawled.
"What?" Galene gasped. "Ella, I don't understand; Echo adores you! Why do you think he doesn't love you anymore?"
Ella shook her head, "I… I don't-don't kn-know! He j-just said th-that I wasn't-wasn't obligated to g-go! Like he was trying to leave me!"
Galene shook her head, "Can you start from the beginning and tell me what happened?"
She did, sobbing through most of it. Somehow a bowl of double dark chocolate ice cream with cookie dough and a crumbled chocolate-dipped waffle cone ended up in her hands, and after she had some of it, she felt a little better.
"Okay," Galene sighed, taking a bite of her own strawberry and white chocolate swirl with macadamia nuts. "I might understand what's going on, and I'm gonna warn you, it will sound kinda crazy, but it needs to be approached delicately."
Ella nodded, awaiting her words patiently as she stuffed her face.
Galene swallowed then replied, "You mentioned that Echo hasn't initiated intimacy, and whenever you tried, he said something along the lines of 'not tonight.' He also hasn't kissed you very much either, and has been working running himself into the ground from dawn to dusk in the gym. Have you noticed him changing in front of you?"
Ella shook her head. "No. He always changes in the bathroom, and has been showering in the barracks."
She nodded, "I figured. It makes sense."
"What does?" Ella asked, sounding scared and feeling a little hurt. She knew her friend didn't mean it in any offensive way, but the words still stung all the raw areas that attracted more doubts like magnets.
Galene grabbed her hand. "Do you remember what your dad told you on your wedding day about the two things he was worried about?"
Ella thought for a moment and slowly nodded, "The accelerated aging and the ingrained belief that he's replaceable?"
She nodded, "Yes. And you remember how you told me that he internalizes a lot of things, and there's a lot more going on under the surface than you can see?"
Ella took another bite, "Yes, but what are you getting at?"
"I don't think he wants you to stay here. I think that he thinks you're not really happy with him, and he's letting you choose what you want. If I know Echo, and I think I do, he loves you more than anything. He'd go back to the hell of Skako or Lola Sayu for you, just to make you happy."
"But why wouldn't I be happy with him? I've told him every time I see him that I love him and I'm glad he's back!" Ella exclaimed frustratedly.
Galene rested her hand on her shoulder placatingly. "That's what you need to discover. I think there's something going on beneath the surface, and maybe he's scared of talking about it. Maybe he doesn't know how, or can't without breaking down, and he doesn't want to do that because, you know, he's a guy and he's a clone which means that was a no no since he was little. I think he might need some time, and maybe a little space to work through this. But Ella, he didn't go from adoring you to loathing you all in a flash."
Ella shook her head, blinking back tears, "I changed in front of him the night after his mission. Maybe he doesn't like how I look anymore."
Galene grabbed her shoulders and looked her right in the eye, "Then that man is blind as a bat because I know that no one would even guess that your body carried a child. You have barely changed at all. I mean, one stretch mark that barely shows, are you kidding me? People kill to look that good!"
"Then why..?" she whispered, her own voice pitiful.
"Look. You could, somehow, be right. But I doubt it. I think something happened that's messed with him, and he needs to work through it. Maybe he thinks it's easier alone. He'll figure out that's wrong eventually."
Ella nodded, "How do I get him to realize I wanna go with him?"
Galene smiled, "Actions are sometimes louder than words."
She nodded in understanding.
Her friend stood and took their empty bowls, putting them in the sink. Then she turned around and grabbed her hands. "Look. My best friend ever is going away tomorrow. I know she's upset right now, but is it possible that I could maybe distract her with some kids movies? I mean, they are the stuff of fairytales and legends, you know. The cure for an aching heart."
Ella smiled and hugged Galene tightly. "Oh, Allee. I'm gonna miss you so much. Thank you for this - and the ice cream. I really needed that."
Her friend winked and sat down next to her, grabbing the remote and turning on the movie she'd queued up.
Ella gasped, "Oh my gosh! Really?"
"Yep! I had to play your old favorite."
"Ashamed of his monstrous form, the Beast concealed himself inside his castle, the magic mirror his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his twenty-first year."
"Poor Beast," Ella crooned. "I wanna hug him!"
"You wanna hug everyone!" Galene giggled.
"My point stands!"
"If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair, and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?"
•~§~•
Echo was exhausted as he stood on the landing platform as the Bad Batch waited for his wife to come. He had already lost hope. He'd hurt her last night. He didn't deserve her company, or her heart any longer.
Not after what I did. Not after all that happened to me. She deserves someone better. More whole. Someone who isn't so stupid.
"Don't worry, Echo," Rex whispered. "Kix told me to tell you that Galene and Ella were just stopping going through the Resolute one more time. They were almost done and will be here soon."
He nodded minutely, rubbing his throbbing eyes. Why did he have to be so tired? Not even the four cups of caf he'd swallowed did any good. He still felt like he'd been run over by a walker. His head pounded and his heart was heavy. He didn't know what to expect after last night's altercation.
Maybe she wanted to stay here after all and had taken his offer.
She'll come. Don't worry, and stop thinking like that. She loves you! his heart urged.
She's in love with the man I was, the man I can no longer be. She doesn't love this man. Not really, he rebutted.
You've given her no opportunity to, so how are you so sure? You don't know that she isn't head over heels for you still. You are too cowardly to let her decide on her own.
Because she really won't love me when she has the opportunity not to. When she sees, when she knows how messed up I am, she'll want out immediately.
"Ah! There she is!" Tech exclaimed.
Echo jerked his head up, eyes latching onto his wife as she made her way through each man, hugging him and wishing him well, from a barely-weathered shiny to the most seasoned among them.
Her closest friends were standing to the side, all with wetted eyes as they waited for their turn to wish her farewell.
Emery was first, and she hugged him and planted a kiss on his cheek, telling him something that he couldn't hear from this distance. He seemed greatly affected by whatever it was, and hugged her tighter before letting her move on to Sterling, who whispered something. She replied, then he nodded.
Winter was next, then Denal and Charge hugged her simultaneously, joined the next second by Axe, Shy, and Onyx. She placed a kiss on each cheek.
When she was released from this group hug, she came up to Rogue, grabbing his hand. "You, mister, have gotta throw away the secret bucket list, okay? I need you alive and healthy. Got it, vod?"
Rogue nodded, sniffing gruffly, then leant his head on her shoulder.
Instead of moving on, she grabbed Chopper's hand from right beside him and hooked her arms over their necks, drawing their ears close. Her hands cupped their cheeks gently, tenderly. They leaned into the touch as if it were intoxicating.
It is, Echo thought to himself.
Ella said something to both that he couldn't hear. Maybe it was something private. For some reason, that made him feel on edge.
As one, they hugged her, tears on their cheeks as they wished her well.
Vaughn pulled her into his arms the moment she was out of his brothers'. "Thank you for saving me, for coming back for me. You showed me what love looks like. What real love looks like. Thank you."
Ella kissed his cheek and sighed, "You have grown up, Vaughn. You've become more than a soldier, more than you were that day on Malastare. You are a warrior, through and through. Steady, a calm in the heat of battle. Wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove. I am proud of the man you've become."
He sniffled into her shoulder and took a deep breath to rein himself in. "Be careful, Ella. I'll come after you, if you don't."
She nodded, "I promise," then moved on.
Her medic boys couldn't contain their tears when they hugged her. Vutyc was quietly crying onto one shoulder, while silent hiccups shook Wander, whose face was buried in the other.
"Shh," she hushed. "Don't cry. Please. Come on, boys, it's alright. I'm not really going away. Really. I promise. You call me and I'll be there."
Wander fixed her with tearful eyes and a wavering smile. "I know. And that's why I'm crying. Because I know if we needed you, you'd be there. That's the kind of friend you are."
"You're our sister, Ella," Vutyc sniveled. "That's forever."
Ella dabbed at her own eyes, planting a kiss on each of their tousled heads before pulling away and smiling on them until they copied her.
Kix and Jesse were surprisingly cheerful when she came to them. Jesse's eyes were a little damp, but he was grinning.
"I still remember meeting you. You ran into me," he chuckled. "We got lost on the way to your room but you didn't mind. From that day, I knew I'd like you. I guess my foreknowledge was right. Your character is precious and rare. You might not think so, but it is. I'm lucky to be your friend."
She beamed up at him and sighed. "Jesse… you are a great man. Keep everyone sane; someone needs to around here. And keep yourself safe. I'm gonna miss you."
He nodded and stepped back.
Kix shook his head, "You need this. Out of all of us, I might know just how much. Just keep your chin up. It's gonna be alright. I'll see you again soon," he said. "I'll hear from you often enough through Galene anyway."
Ella giggled. "Of course. You take care of her. She's like my sister, Kix."
He nodded solemnly. "I promise. I'll keep her safe."
Then there was Rex and Anakin. The jedi hugged her first and sighed heavily.
"How are we gonna survive without Little Miss Sunshine?"
She wrinkled her nose in a quirky grin. "Candidly, I believe. Tell me when the baby is born, okay?"
He nodded, chest puffing proudly. "I will. I'm still pulling for Anakin Junior, but Padmé just rolls her eyes every time so I think that's a no."
Ella snorted and stepped to the left, laying a hand on Rex's shoulder.
He seemed so tired. Echo felt awful for leaving him. After everything they'd been through, it felt so wrong. But he was a grown man. He was capable of carrying on. And he knew Ella wasn't just forgetting them. She still cared and would call often. But it still hurt.
He looks so small, he thought guiltily.
She drew his forehead to her shoulder and sighed. "You're okay. I'm not abandoning you. You have my comlink. I'll answer. I know that it isn't the same, but I promise. I am not abandoning you."
Rubbing his back through the armor, she just held him. In a moment he stood and straightened, regaining his poise and dignity.
"I'm sorry," she whispered softly. "I didn't want to hurt you; you never did anything to deserve it."
But Rex shook his head and smiled, "I'm not hurt. I promise. Don't be sorry. I just wish I could thank you enough for all you've done for me. I will never forget you, and every time I play your piano, I'll think about you."
Ella smiled and hugged him once more. "I love you, ori'vod."
He sniffled, "Love you too, grayi'r'ika." Then he broke the professionalism and hugged her tightly again.
Something deep within Echo twinged when she returned the embrace so easily, so familiarly. A gnawing feeling biting on his stomach and drilling into his heart.
"Stay safe," the captain murmured.
She smiled and stepped back. "I will. I promise."
Then he stepped aside and let her join her new crew.
Everyone saluted them as they climbed the steps into the Havoc Marauder.
"Quite the waterworks display," Crosshair murmured as the door closed and they took off.
Echo didn't reply, too focused on the girl who was waving out the window at the men who stared at them from far below.
Why did she come?
•~§~•
After Tech launched them into hyperspace, he came back and stood next to Ella. "Do you want to see your room?"
Ella turned, smiling despite her slightly red-rimmed eyes. She nodded. "Yes. Thank you! And I want you to know, I'm glad I'm here. It's just…"
He nodded understandingly. "Goodbyes are hard, especially with people you really care about and have been through a lot with."
Ella nodded and looked at Echo who hadn't moved or spoken since they'd left. Had she managed to make him believe she really wanted to be here? Would he say anything about last night's drama? Why was he so still and quiet? It wasn't a normal quiet - more like a muted sound. As if a million noises were being contained beneath the surface.
Crosshair cleared his throat, "We'll give you a tour. There's not a lot to get lost in, but we figure it'd be better if you knew where everything is."
Ella nodded, "I appreciate that."
Hunter led them to a short hallway. There were two doors on either side and one at the far end.
Opening the first door on the left, he waved his hand around, "This is the main fresher. There's two showers, four sinks. You have a shower in your room, but the quarters are a little tighter."
Then he crossed the hall and opened the first door on the right.
There was a kitchen. It was a smallt, but it had a fridge, oven, microwave, sink, and a short countertop that was maybe six by three feet in the middle. There were plenty of cabinets to go around. In the corner was a sort of booth. There was enough space for all of them to fit, though it might be a little tight.
"None of us are really any good at cooking. We mostly either eat ration bars or hunt and fry everything," Wrecker admitted.
"You did try to make cupcakes once that weren't all that bad," Tech noted.
"They were bad; they were burnt to a crisp!" he replied with a heavy sigh.
"Ella's a good cook."
Ella flinched at the sound of her husband's voice. He'd surprised her with his sudden compliment. She turned to look at him, but his eyes were attached to the fridge handles across the room.
"Oh!" Wrecker exclaimed. "You think you could make us something good? I'm getting a little tired of game meat."
"We'll see; I'll have to get some ingredients first, but I don't see why not," she replied, too distracted by Echo to really give an excited answer.
They walked out into the hallway and continued the tour. The second door on the left was a combination gym, arsenal, and lab for Tech. The other side was the storage and repairs room.
Then came the last room.
It wasn't ginormous, but there was more space than their previous room. Their bed was set up against the far wall between two windows, and there was a bathroom closet to the far right. Ella's vanity was to the right of the bathroom door and her chest of drawers was on the other side.
A shelf of books sat against the entry wall. Across the wall behind the bed hung strings of fairy lights, and on a crate that served as a bedside table was an old lamp and a candle - a candle with an E engraved into it.
Our unity candle, she realized.
"We didn't put your clothes away or anything," Hunter apologized. "Figured you'd rather do that on your own. And you're free to move things if you want."
But Ella smiled and shook her head, "It's perfect. Thank y'all so much!"
They all blushed with pride at having made her so happy, then Tech sighed. "I'm going to go work on something now. We'll let you two settle in."
"Yeah, I'm gonna go lift again," Wrecker said.
"Crosshair and I are gonna spar. Have fun!" Hunter called teasingly as they left the couple alone, closing the door behind them.
Ella sighed and turned to look at Echo. He didn't return her gaze, so she walked forward and sat down before the chest of drawers, using the bottom three spaces for herself and leaving the upper ones for her taller husband. When her suitcase was unpacked, she tucked it into a corner where it would be out of the way but easily accessible.
She had hoped that Echo would've moved, but he was still standing in the middle of the room, staring at his feet when she looked back at him. She wondered what he was thinking. Why his face seemed blank and empty, but his eyes were consumed by too many emotions that passed too quickly to be recognized.
Walking up to him, she took his hand in hers and kissed each of his knuckles, massaging his palm as she held it between them.
He blinked, as if coming out of a dreamstate, looking up at her with slightly widened eyes.
Ella smiled as they met hers, "Hey. Where'd you go, darling?"
He shook his head, "Doesn't matter."
She sighed, leaning onto his chest. "Well, we're here now."
He nodded. "Yeah. Ella…" he lowered his eyes. Ella bit her lip when she saw the dark circles beneath them. He looked and sounded absolutely exhausted. "I'm sorry. For everything. For whatever it was I said that made you so upset last night. For uprooting you from a place you felt you belonged. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I forgive you," she said. "And I'm not sorry about leaving, even though it was a bit painful to say goodbye. It was time. And I belong wherever you are."
She was shocked to see tears springing into his eyes, which he blinked away furiously.
"Hey, you okay?"
He nodded, "I'm fine. Just tired. I didn't sleep very well."
"That's where the dark circles came from then," she said. "I'm sorry. I should've come back to you after hanging out with Galene."
He shook his head, "She wanted to say goodbye to her friend, and you were upset. It's okay."
She smiled and leaned up, pressing a kiss on his lips. He stiffened, then kissed her back. Her heart leapt with joy at the returned affection, and she ran her hands down his spine and wrapped them around his waist, pulling him closer.
Echo stiffened abruptly and turned away. Ella's blood turned to ice and she couldn't barely breathe, let alone speak. She could only look at her husband's back as he stood, arms around himself protectively.
He's shaking.
Her eyes blurred with tears and she suddenly needed to escape. It seemed as if she were being crushed by a million thoughts and accusations and she needed air.
Spinning, she grabbed a pair of pajamas out of the drawer and shut herself in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror again.
Her lips were swollen slightly from the kisses, and her eyes were glossy with hurt and confusion.
Pulling herself away she stripped and turned on the shower, waiting for it to get warm before submerging itself in the spray.
Only there did she let go a little, keeping the sobs inaudible lest her husband hear her.
He doesn't want me anymore! I'm losing him!
•~§~•
Echo slipped out of the room quietly, not wanting his wife to be forced to endure his unbearable company anymore.
It had all happened so fast.
He'd been enjoying the kiss as much as she had been. Hope had risen again. She was kissing him.
Then panic flared when she drew him closer. He tried to push the worry away, telling himself he could do this. Wherever this led, he could do this.
But her hands around his waist brought the remembrance of what was beneath the fabric of his shirt, how the Poletecs had been repulsed by his deformity, and he jerked away, burning with shame.
When she'd run to the bathroom and started a shower, his heart sunk lower.
She feels dirty now, after kissing me.
Slipping into the storage room, he sunk down behind a boiler, resting his cheek against the cool metal of the outside wall. His knees folded into his chest automatically and he shut his eyes, willing the condemning voices away.
You're a coward.
Weakling.
Nothing like you were before.
She'd be better off without you.
She regrets your kisses, and loathes your touch.
You're a monster.
Grabbing his head between his hands, he squeezed his eyes shut, tears leaking between the tangled lashes. Opening them he caught his distorted reflection in the reflective metal of the boiler. Logically, he knew that wasn't an accurate reflection, but his vulnerable mind knew nothing of this and wailed at the sight.
I should never have let her come. She deserves someone so much better than me. I've become a twisted version of myself and I'm not worthy anymore. I'm going to lose her no matter what I do.
No one heard his muffled sobs.
•~§~•
Hey!
And so the angsty misunderstanding and miscommunications begin to take full effect. Sorry. There will be fluff, I promise. All will be worth it, I hope,and I won't drag it out.
Hope this installment was still good despite the drama? Look forward to writing Chapter 42 soon!!!
Love y'all so much!
Love, Peace, and
LittleBitOfGrace
