Chapter Forty-Two
Ella sighed as she chopped up another onion. Ever since she'd taken over kitchen duties, she hadn't needed much distraction. That wasn't to say that she was alone in her efforts; no, she'd been teaching too.
Wrecker had begged her so sweetly to teach him how to make cupcakes and sweet things. Apparently, he'd seen a little boy on a planet somewhere eating one from a box, and the boy had given him one as a thank you for freeing his village. Ever since, he'd wanted to recreate the magical taste and share it with his brothers.
And so began the lessons; twice weekly, they'd meet together and she'd teach him something new about baking. They started with cookies and worked their way up to tarts and even the homemade biscuits that had to be just right or they wouldn't be fluffy and buttery.
Usually, Tech would pop in around dinnertime and lend a hand. He was surprisingly talented with culinary skills, often pulling out the perfect ingredient to finish the dish. He and Ella would sit at the booth on Sunday afternoons and meal plan and go over the groceries they needed.
Crosshair liked being a taste tester, and would determine whether something was the right consistency, or if it would be too spicy for Hunter, who couldn't handle much due to his heightened senses.
The sergeant would come as they were sitting down to eat, and stayed after to help with dishes.
Echo was on trash duty and dried the wooden ladles and spoons so they wouldn't crack, then wiped down the countertops and swept the floor. Ella wasn't positive, but she thought she saw him sneaking glances at her sometimes when she was cooking, especially on the rare occasion where she was alone.
It had been a month now since she'd joined the Bad Batch. It was getting harder not to let on that something was wrong between her and Echo. They acted civilly when they saw each other, but rarely interacted otherwise. Ella often went to bed alone and woke up the same, and she had begun to wonder if he ever came in at all. Where was he sleeping if he didn't?
She hadn't touched him since the first week they'd been here, and hadn't kissed him since the first night.
Tears burned her eyes and she tossed the onions into the frying pan, furiously stirring them with a melted pat of butter.
"Ella? Are you alright?" a clipped voice asked.
She turned to see Tech standing there, his face concerned. She smiled and wiped away the evidence of her distress. "Oh, yes, I am. I was just cutting onions and they were pretty strong, I guess."
He sighed, "Good. I was just a bit worried about you. I have the pasta for you. Do you want me to toast the bread and chop the lettuce while you get the sauce?"
She nodded, turning the heat down and pressing a few cloves of garlic into the pan, adding more butter and pouring in a cutting board of quartered button mushrooms. "That would be very helpful, Tech. Thank you."
"I'll just start the pot of water then." He pulled out a large pot and filled it with water, then lugged it over and set it on a free eye next to her pan, turning the burner on high and sprinkling it with a generous pinch of salt and a few drops of olive oil.
"How's your invention going?" she asked.
He groaned, "Slowly. It's complicated and I think I'm missing an important piece somewhere. I had it just yesterday and now it's gone!"
She smiled amusedly at him, "I'm sure you'll find it soon. Don't worry. Can you pass me the white wine and heavy cream?"
He nodded and swept the lettuce into the salad spinner, then handed her the two items. He came over to the stovetop and inhaled deeply.
"That… smells heavenly. I bet the boys are all hanging out by the door salivating right now," he said cheerily. "Can I take the mushrooms out so they don't get too chewy?"
"Oh, yes, I always forget that part."
"No problem."
Ella reduced the wine into the sauce, then stirred in the cream and turned the heat down to a simmer, just letting it keep warm while the water boiled. She busied herself by cleaning off the counter and wiping it down. As she moved, she danced slightly, her feet moving to the rhythm of remembered music.
"You know how to dance?" Tech asked, sounding a little surprised.
She blushed, "I do. It's been a while since I have. The steps are just ingrained into me now, and sometimes they happen automatically."
"How long have you danced?"
"Since I was little. Daddy taught me, then Mama taught the boys, and we'd all practice together and with friends."
"Sounds like you're an expert," Tech remarked.
"Do you dance?" she inquired.
He flushed, "Depends on who you ask. It varies by person. But truly, no. Unless you count spasming like a seizing chicken."
She giggled at the mental image. "Would you like to learn how?"
"You'd teach me?" He sounded surprised.
She nodded, "Of course! That is, if you want to learn."
He nodded as he poured the pasta into the boiling water and set the timer. "I'd be honored. What do I do first?"
She pulled out her chrono and connected it to the speaker, selecting the same playlist she'd put on when she taught Echo.
You put the boom boom into my heart
You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts
Jitterbug into my brain
Goes a bang-bang-bang 'til my feet do the same
"Here," she said. "You stand like this… let me hold your hands. There's two ways to dance this style. You can step sidewise, like this…"
Gradually, she taught Tech the basics. He began to grasp the rhythm, though he sometimes still messed up, ducking his head bashfully.
"Nah, don't worry," she consoled when he accidentally stepped on her foot. "It's just part of learning. Trust me - I know. Now come on, you're doing great!"
He smiled and let the music lead him again.
The timer beeped as the song finished and they took the pasta out to strain, saving some of the water just in case. All that was left was the bread which was still toasting.
"Can we try again?" Tech asked, grinning widely.
Ella nodded, "Absolutely!"
Another song began and she sang along with it as they danced.
It keeps me crying baby for you
Keeps me sighin' baby for you
So won't you hurry
Come on boy, see about me
(Come see about me)
See about your baby
I've given up my friends just for you
My friends are gone
And you have too
No peace shall I find
Until you come back
And be mine
No matter what you do or say
I'm gonna love you anyway
So caught up was she in the music and dancing, that she didn't notice the men watching them from the door. Neither did Tech, who was having the time of his life just hanging out and learning from Ella.
Neither saw her husband, who watched them with anguished eyes.
•~§~•
Echo wished it wasn't so incredibly painful to watch. That the squirming, biting, gnawing pain in his stomach wasn't jealousy but simply hunger brought on by the mouthwatering aroma pouring from the kitchen.
But the longer he watched Tech and his wife dancing and having innocent fun, the worse he felt.
She was beautiful, even if she was only in a white tee and black leggings, and the long turquoise sweater was falling off her shoulder. Her hair was falling out of the messy bun and getting in her eyes, but she was smiling and singing along to the music, dancing so freely and jubilantly that she fairly glowed.
He wanted to hold her in his arms and smell her sweet shampoo and bury his face in her shoulder, smelling the perfume on her neck. He wanted to be the one who made her nose wrinkle as she laughed. He wanted to make those bubbling giggles bounce from her lips. He'd do anything just to be with her. He daydreamed of kissing her, holding her in his arms and losing himself in her. Just to have her close, his again. It was more than he deserved but oh, how he wanted her!
She seemed off these days. She wasn't so sunny and bright; a strained hope had settled in her eyes, and as time went on it only frayed more.
Echo acquitted this to being tied to him when she didn't want to be. He wanted her to be happy, and should set her free.
But that hurt more than anything to even think about. Life without Ella was unlivable. She was the person who gave him joy. The one he'd do anything for, no matter the cost. The one sweet thing in a sea of bitterness.
He'd rather die than be without her.
And so he continued to just survive each passing day, pushing himself to the limit from before dawn to the wee hours of the night, only coming to bed when he was positive he was exhausted enough that no nightmares would bother him or Ella.
Every time he looked at or even just thought of her, he resolved to work himself even harder to be worthy of her again.
He had to admit, he'd made progress.
He wasn't so skinny anymore, and the muscle he'd lacked was rebuilding.
His hair was finally getting a little longer. It wasn't thick waves like he used to have, but it was longer than peach fuzz. That was something.
And his color was returning, slowly but surely. He was pretty tan now - not like he had been, but still. Progress.
But what could he do about the knobs poking out of his head that couldn't be removed because it would likely cause further brain damage, or the arm that was too fused with the wires to be completely reconstructed and regrown?
What could he do when Ella just didn't want the man he'd become? And why should she? She could do better, he knew.
Maybe this was why his heart rent at the sight of his wife in Tech's arms, dancing and laughing together.
Like we used to do.
The very knowledge that he was jealous of the genius who would never do anything to get between them in his life caused another wave of guilt to roll through him.
Echo watched her for a few more painful moments, hands shaking a little harder than they should be and his chest tight, like it was tightening around his heart in a choking noose.
Finally, unable to bear any more, he turned and briskly walked away from the door, desperate to be somewhere else.
"Echo? What's wrong?" a voice called behind him.
Echo froze. He hadn't realized someone had seen him.
Of course they did, kriffing di'kut! They were standing right there at the door with you!
Groaning internally he tried to steady himself. His breath was coming faster, shallower.
Not good! Just stop, please just stop!
He leant against a wall, trying to steady himself. Why was the hallway spinning? Were they crashing? His stomach soured and an icy zing shot up and down his spine, ricocheting back and forth endlessly.
"Hey, brother, take it easy," the voice said, and a firm but gentle hand clamped onto his shoulder.
It was a strange feeling; Echo had felt increasingly numb for some time now, but the moment the hand rested on him through the thin tee, it was like his skin jumped toward the contact, begging for more.
This feeling startled and confused him, adding to the feeling of helplessness as his knees decided this was the perfect time to give out.
Everything was spinning out of control and he couldn't fix it. He tried so hard but couldn't put the pieces back together. He couldn't fix his marriage, couldn't fix his body, couldn't be like he was before, couldn't just breathe for kriff's sake! He was-he was useless. Why did they even save him anyway? He was just a piece of karking—
"Hunter, what's wrong with him?" a chillier voice snipped.
"He just walked away and started freaking out. I think he's having a panic attack."
Oh, kriff! Just breathe! Come on, it's not that hard! You've been doing it since you were born so why is it impossible now?
"Should we get Ella?" the second voice came again.
NO!
Echo felt himself shaking his head wildly, desperate for them not to disturb her. She didn't need to see this. It wasn't her problem and he didn't need to burden her any more than he already was.
You kriffing weakling.
"Okay, okay," the first voice said. "We won't get Ella. Have you had this happen before?"
He couldn't remember anything beyond what was happening right then and there. Maybe he had. Maybe he hadn't. He'd remember, wouldn't he? If something like this had happened before, he'd remember, right?
"Do you know anything I can do to help you?"
He shrugged, covering his face with his hands. Why did he feel so cold? His joints felt so tight, he thought they'd snap.
What's happening to me?!
"Hey, it's okay. I think you're having a panic attack, Echo. That means it's going to end. I'm gonna see if I can help you, okay?"
Without waiting for an answer - to Echo's relief - he continued.
"I'm gonna put something in your hand. Focus on that, and if you can, describe how it feels."
Something cold and a little heavy was put in his hand. He clutched at it, trying to just remember those slightly commanding words.
Hmm. It wasn't a weapon. Wasn't a detonator. It was something cold and smooth, and had bumps and ridges. It didn't feel like metal or glass. Maybe it was wood? Stone? It was very smooth. He traced over the lines and curves with his fingers. A sculpture.
Finally he opened his eyes. When he'd closed them, he didn't know. Everything was still a little blurry and disconnected, but he knew where he was now at least.
Looking down at the object in his hand, he saw a marble loth wolf with swirls of some red gemstone here and there. The eyes were amber, and glimmered in the dimmed lights.
"I got it on Lothal," he explained. "It was just sitting in the middle of a path. I went into town and found an old lady who was running a booth in a marketplace. She was selling similar crafts."
Echo listened intently to Hunter's voice, every word bringing him closer to calm. His chest was still tight, but the pain was more of an ache than a restriction now. His head was weirdly light but like whatever it was that had been suctioning the life out of him was gone. He still felt numb, but a tingle of feeling was creeping back in.
"Anyway, she let me keep it, saying that I deserved it after coming all that way to return it. I've had it ever since," he concluded. "Feeling a bit more yourself, vod?"
Echo nodded, his cheeks burning with shame as he looked at the three concerned faces gathered around him. He'd just had a kriffing panic attack in front of his entire squad, save one member. It was humiliating.
"Good. Mind telling us what that was about? Or do you know?" the sergeant queried steadily.
Echo swallowed and looked down at his toes through folded up knees. "I... I…"
What was he supposed to say? 'I saw my wife dancing with someone else and couldn't handle it?' It sounded pitiful.
"It started when you were watching… oh."
Stang, Hunter, why are you not oblivious?
Crosshair slid back against a wall and chuckled, "As charming as he may be, I doubt that Tech would make a move on your wife, brother. He's just excited to learn something new."
Echo nodded somberly. He knew that. He did. But that wasn't the problem.
"Are you really jealous of Tech?" Wrecker chuckled. "You're the one going to bed with her every night! He's out here in a bunk just hoping he'll be that lucky with somebody someday!"
Pain twinged through his heart and turned his throat to sawdust. His eyes stung and he bit his lip to stop them from overflowing.
"Are you… Echo, is there something we don't know?"
How could he answer that? How could he tell them that he was barely even sleeping in the same bed as his wife anymore, let alone anything more, or how he was living in dread that Ella would tell him she wanted out any day now?
Oh, Maker… please no.
He couldn't stop the single tear that gave away his carefully hidden hurt, though he blinked back the others as quickly as he could; he'd already broken in front of them once. There was no need to add to the pitiful image they must see.
"Oh Echo… what's going on?" Hunter asked.
Echo opened and closed his mouth, wanting to explain but unable to find the words. This was all so embarrassing. He wished the floor would just open up and let him be swallowed.
"Something's wrong between you two, isn't it?" Crosshair asked bluntly.
"I… we— it's…" he gave up with a sigh, hiding his reddened face in his hands. "It's complicated."
Hunter sighed, "Lemme talk to him alone for a bit, guys. You go see if you can help with dinner or eat if it's ready. Don't say anything to either one of them. Got it?"
Crosshair stood and nodded, "Relax, Sarge. Not a word."
"Yeah! You better just get there before we eat it all!" Wrecker laughed, turning and walking towards the kitchen.
Once they disappeared, Hunter stood and held out his hand for Echo to take. He hesitantly accepted it and was hefted to his feet.
"Wow. I think you really have been recovering," Hunter remarked. "I almost needed to use two hands."
Echo had to smile a little at that, a pang of satisfaction warming his heart. At least there was that.
"Walk with me. We'll go to the gym for a bit."
He nodded and walked beside him in silence, trying to figure out how to explain what he had been hiding for so long.
It hadn't been easy to conceal something like this, especially on such a small ship with a very tightly knit crew. It wasn't that everyone was nosy. Just… everyone knew everything.
When they got to the gym, Hunter guided him to the back corner where the weights were stored. Just beside it, against the wall, was a bench, and that was where they plopped down.
"Whenever you're ready, go on and tell me what's going on," Hunter said. His voice brokered no argument.
Echo sighed, slumping. "I… there's a lot."
"We've got time."
"I mean… it's complicated and messy. You shouldn't have to—"
"—I'm gonna stop you there," Hunter interrupted. "In case you've forgotten, I'm the leader of this squad, which means that I'm in charge of keeping things running smoothly. I check in on Tech to make sure he isn't too stressed and that he gets sleep and eats, because sometimes he forgets both when focused on a project. I make sure Wrecker doesn't get bored because he gets claustrophobic when he can't stay busy. I make sure Crosshair isn't internalizing everything because that boy has been through enough to give anyone nightmares. We all have, really."
He took a breath before continuing.
"My point is that it is my duty to make sure you're taken care of too. You're just as much a part of this squad as any of us. So is Ella. And if there's something rough going on between you, it's my job to make sure it gets straightened out too. More than my duty or job, however. I care about you guys. I consider you my friends and family. I like you. You're a talented and great person. So is she. I want to help in any way I can. So no. I absolutely should deal with this with you. Isolation is a recipe for extinction."
Echo chewed on his lip as he considered those words. They didn't take away the boiling shame that was constantly assailing him, but the hissing voices did quiet to whispers that were easier to ignore. He nodded at him.
"Good," Hunter nodded, satisfied. "Now start from the beginning. When did the problem start?"
"The mission to defeat Trench," he sighed. "When… When we got back, we watched a video a friend of ours had made about our wedding."
"Okay…?"
"I… I guess I saw the old me and… I just don't look like that anymore, Hunter. I'm so different!"
The sergeant shook his head, "How different?"
"Really different."
"Really? What's so different? You're the same height. Got the same eyes. You're a little less bulked but not by a lot now that you've actually eaten something and have been exercising. Sure, your hair's a bit shorter but it's grown a lot from when we picked you up. You've got all your teeth, your tongue, five natural fingers and five that are basically identical except for wires that can't even be seen. Your toes are back. So what's so different?"
"Everything!" Echo cried. "I'm not who I was! I'm not talking just physically but look at these!" He pointed to the nodes. "And how about the fact that I am chock full of scars that can't fade away! There's too many and they're too deep! And that's just the outside! The stuff in here," he made a vague gesture around his head, "if I didn't wear myself out from 0400 to almost morning, I'd be shrieking my lungs out every night! She doesn't need that! It shouldn't be her burden!"
"Hey!" Hunter snapped, stopping his tirade. "Has she even seen you? Has she said any of these things, or have you just figured she'd look at you the way you look at yourself?"
"I can't let her!" His voice broke at the thought of her sickened reaction.
"Why? What if she tells you the same thing I'm saying and you find out you're wrong?"
"What if I'm right?" Echo sniffled, finding it hard to rein in the swelling emotions. "What if she hates me? What if she sees and leaves because she's disgusted? I… I can't lose her!"
His hands were shaking again now and he fisted them so tightly his nails threatened to pierce through joints and marrow. Dropping his head he shuddered with tears that packed his eyes full but wouldn't fall.
Hunter stood and came to sit closer, shoulders brushing before he even threw one arm around him. "Breathe, Echo," he commanded.
The weird, desperate feeling from before re-emerged at the contact, and a strangled whine escaped his throat before he clamped his mouth shut, shoving his hand over it for good measure.
Hunter sighed and pulled his head snugly against his chest, finishing the hug with his other arm.
It was like he'd forgotten how good hugs were. Without meaning to, he leant into his brother's embrace, the frozen wetness in his eyes thawing and streaming down. His heart was burning like a red-hot coal.
Hunter didn't let go, but pulled him more securely into him and stated, "You're scared."
Echo nearly sobbed at the truth in his words. The tears that wouldn't come before let go and silently made their escape, not making a sound as they fell.
He was scared.
Terrified.
He felt like he was falling and there was nothing to hold onto, no lifesaving line to pull him back up. The memories were kriffing suffocating, and angry, condemning voices screamed abuses at him all day long.
He wanted to breathe again. To live without fear and believe that he could make it through just one day without hiding in the storage room behind the boiler so that no one would witness his panic attacks.
"I just," he gasped, "I just wanna be me again!"
"I know, Echo," Hunter murmured. "I know. And you're gonna get there."
Echo shivered, sniffling as the remains of his tears dried, "But what if she...?"
"Not gonna happen, Echo. I promise you. You're worried about something you're not gonna see happen, because it's just based upon doubts. You can't let fear rule you. Fear is all it is. You have to believe that."
Echo nodded, "I… I'll try. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to just… break down on you."
Hunter smirked, "Believe it or not, I don't mind."
"I know… I just…"
"You didn't want to bother anyone, and I understand that. We all become hypocrites when it happens to us. But I know if it was the other way around, you'd do what you could to help, right?" Hunter guessed confidently.
Echo shrugged, "I'd have to be pretty conceited and cruel not to."
"Why don't you go wash your face? Get a shower. Then come get some grub. You need food," he said.
Echo fixed him with a knowing eye.
Hunter chuckled, "Okay, I need food and I'm not getting any until you're sitting in the kitchen eating with me. So get on your feet, di'kut, and throw yourself in the boys' shower. Alright?"
"Why the guys'?" Echo asked, standing and stretching.
"Because I can't very well barge into your room and pull you out of the shower if you're using all the hot water, now can I?" he joked. "That, and because I have a sneaking suspicion you'll hole up in there and won't come out unless I guilt you."
Echo blushed. "Alright. Fine. I'll just grab a change of clothes and be right there. Geez, you really get in a guy's business here!"
Hunter laughed heartily as he followed him out, "Echo, this is nothing. Trust me. We could get a lot nosier."
"Yeah. Don't."
"Ya sure?"
Echo nodded, "Yeah, any nosier and I think you'd be spoon feeding me."
"Come on, brother. You reek!" Hunter laughed, said playfully shoving him down the hallway.
•~§~•
Ella sighed as she chopped the potatoes with a little more force than necessary. Life had changed from upsetting to unbearable in just a few months.
It was September now. A whole five months since they'd joined the Bad Batch. Five months since she had kissed her husband.
She barely even saw him anymore. When she did, it was awkward. He seemed to be having to make a conscious effort to talk to her now; her own husband was made uncomfortable by her presence.
She tried. She tried so hard to get him comfortable. She acted like nothing was wrong when they were in front of others - the only time they were really together.
The one time they weren't with even one extra person, Echo was grabbing a change of clothes from her room. Her room. Not theirs. He was barely in it anymore. She stayed up all night more than once, waiting for him to come in, only to be exhausted and alone the next morning, never having seen a trace of him.
As if her marital drama wasn't enough, Galene hadn't contacted her in three months.
They'd been calling each other once a week at least to keep tabs and talk about what was going on in the 501st. She hadn't had very much to report herself, except that Echo started going on missions with Hunter and Wrecker, leaving her with Crosshair and Tech.
Suddenly, the calls just stopped. She texted her, asking if she was okay, but got no answer. The radio silence had continued until this morning when she got a call from Rex.
Galene and Kix had mysteriously vanished. No one knew where. There were no leads, no clues, nothing. Whomever it was had been deliberate. All their research material was gone, but nothing else had been taken. Their clothes, bedding, toiletries, money, and accessories were all still right there.
Ella squeezed her eyes shut against the stinging tears. Everything was falling apart and her hands were too weak and small to repair the jagged shards, cutting herself in vain when she tried nonetheless.
Her throat felt scratchy and she reached for her glass of water. But her trembling fingers were clumsy, and the glass fell from them, shattering on the floor.
Ella yelped and immediately bent down to fix her mistake, picking up the pieces and gathering them in her apron.
"Ella? Are you okay?" Crosshair asked, suddenly at her side. "Here, don't. You'll get cut. Oh, you have. Let me."
She gasped and looked down at her hands, realizing that they were indeed cut and bleeding.
Somehow this was the last straw, and tears began to roll down her cheeks.
Crosshair's eyes widened and a frantic expression entered them. "Uh… no, no I'm horrible with crying people! Tech! Get in here, I can't do this!" He shook his head. "Kriffing di'kut. Uh, let me get that off for you."
He carefully turned her around and took her apron off, carrying it to the trash bin, hanging the article up after shaking the glass off and grabbing a broom.
"Sit down. I'll take care of it. Oh, where's that idiot genius! TECH I SWEAR YOU BETTER GET IN HERE!"
"Alright, alright!" came the disgruntled voice of their friend as he turned the corner to the kitchen. "What's the… problem," he trailed off as he took in the broken glass, the blood on Ella's hands and the tears on her face. "Kriff, what'd you do to her Crosshair?"
The sniper shook his head, "Nothing, I swear! I heard glass break and a scream so I came in here and she was crying! I called you because I'm useless in a situation like this!"
Tech rolled his eyes and grabbed a paper towel, wetting it and taking a seat across from the sobbing girl. "I'm just gonna clean and bandage your cuts, Ella."
Ella didn't even care when it stung. The pain in her heart was worse.
"Ella, what's wrong?" Tech asked plaintively. "Why are you crying?"
She gasped in a harried breath and cried, "Oh, they're gone, and he doesn't love me, and I'm useless, that's all!"
"What?" Tech exclaimed, surprised.
"What?" Crosshair echoed, standing awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen.
She sobbed again, "Galene… and Kix. They've disappeared and no one can find any leads."
"Oh. Oh no," Tech murmured. "I'm terribly sorry."
"What do you mean about someone not loving you?" Crosshair questioned.
Ella wept harder at this painful reminder. There was no use hiding it anymore. She might as well have out with it. "Echo! He… I don't even know what I did. When he talks to me, it's obvious that it's hard for him. I barely ever see him - he doesn't come to bed anymore to sleep. I…" she whimpered, "we haven't even kissed since we got here!"
"I… I had no idea. But… why?" Tech asked, clearly at a loss.
"I don't know! He just doesn't want me anymore! I wouldn't be surprised if he told me to leave so he doesn't have to see me again!" she wailed, then lay her head down on her arms and just cried.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be! Echo was alive. He was here! He shouldn't feel so far away from her; every interaction shouldn't feel like they were complete strangers!
Where was the adoration that had bloomed so promisingly the few days before they'd left? Where was the love he'd promised to always have for her, for better or for worse? Where had that gone?
The boys let her cry until she couldn't anymore. Crosshair came and sat next to them, not saying a word until her wracking cries had turned to shivering sniffles and hiccups.
Then he lay his hand on her shoulder, as if to support her. "I'm so sorry you're hurting Ella. Is there… is there anything I can do?"
She sniffed and looked up at him through reddened eyes, "I just want him to love me again. I must've done something but I don't know what it was, so I can't fix it! I just… I love him so much, and I already lost him once, and I thought… I don't know. I knew he'd be different, but I thought he'd still love me. He acted like he did at the beginning. Then it all just… changed."
He sighed, "Maybe he'll come around soon. I… I don't think it's like what you think. I mean… I think he still does. Maybe he's just… going through something that's messing with his mind? I don't know. I don't want to agree with you about him not loving you. The first person he asked about when he came out of that chamber was you."
Tech stood then, "Crosshair, I think we need to talk."
Ella whipped her head up to see the saddened expression on his face.
"Go lay down, Ella. Take a break tonight. Well, the next week actually. You've been working nonstop and could use some time to yourself," he whispered kindly.
"Yeah. You've taught us well. Let us take over for a little while, okay?" Crosshair added.
She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Y'all are so sweet. You don't have to. I can—"
"—No," Tech cut her off. "Not optional. Go lay down. Go on. Lose yourself in a good book for a while. We'll handle dinner. Go."
She nodded and stood, hugging them both gratefully. "Thank you." Then she turned and walked to her room, curling up in her bed and wishing her husband was right across from her, smiling with those big brown eyes as he whispered goodnight.
How wonderful that would be.
•~§~•
Echo had just stepped inside when he heard tense voices in the kitchen.
Hunter groaned, "Not those two again. Come on, let me sort this out."
Wrecker and Echo followed him diligently. As they neared, pieces of their conversation floated to them.
"Hold up! You don't get all of it, Tech!" Crosshair rebutted.
"Well, she doesn't deserve to feel like this! I don't care what his excuses are, he's breaking her heart!"
She? Oh no, Echo thought, dread roiling in the pit of his stomach.
"What's this about?" Hunter snipped, stepping through the doorway.
Tech was going to reply, but then his eyes found the ARC and drew into slits.
Echo bit his lip. He'd never seen the genius so livid before.
Tech marched over to him and got into his face menacingly, "Do you even care about your wife at all? Or do you like making her cry? Because she's at the end of her rope and it's your fault!"
Echo gasped and jerked back in shock, eyes wide as the words rang like warning bells. His hands began to shake and the familiar tightening in his chest alerted him that another attack was coming.
Oh, Maker, please not now! Please!
"Tech, stop!" Hunter ordered firmly, just as shocked as he was at the outburst.
It's all your fault. It's all your fault. It's all your fault.
"I will not! Ella's hurt and it's his fault! You didn't hear her or see her crying so hard I don't know if she was breathing!" he yelled. "I don't know why she stays with you when you hurt her so much! She's more than you deserve and she doesn't seem to know it, and you're making her feel unlovable!"
It's all your fault. You're garbage. She doesn't need you. Doesn't want you. She'd be happier if you were dead.
"Tech!" Hunter barked.
"No I—!"
"I SAID ENOUGH!" Hunter thundered. "You don't know the whole picture, or you wouldn't have acted like that! Now stop it!"
Stop it, stop it, please stop!
Echo gripped the sides of his head, trying to get a grip on his breathing which had become rapid and shallow. Sweat froze on his skin, coating him in a layer of liquid ice.
Ice like carbon freezing.
Ice like the stasis chamber.
All your fault. You deserve what they did to you.
"No, no, no…" he pleaded as lights swirled over his vision. "Please, no."
"Echo, come on, vod," Hunter said calmly. "You're alright. You're not there. You're here. Havoc Marauder's kitchen. We kinda got into a spat about Ella, which we're gonna talk about, but right now you need to breathe."
"H-Hunter… I-I— my ch-chest's tiiight!" he bit out.
"I know, vod."
"I… I'm havin' a 'eart attack!" he hyperventilated.
"No, you're not. This has happened before, a lot. You're gonna be fine. It's gonna pass. Just try to breathe. Come on. Remember that thing we were coming up with that worked last time? Can you find five different things here? Objects? Name them."
It was almost impossible to focus on anything. Even Hunter's voice sounded distant, detached. It was like he was so close but too far. It was an actual fight to get his eyes to find one thing and stay attached long enough for the object's name to compute.
"Uh… table, spoon, stove e-eye… f-fridge. Bowl," he gasped.
"Okay," Hunter encouraged. "Now four different sounds."
"Y-Your voice."
That one was easy. The other three… not so much. It required him to listen past his own screeching mind and reach out.
"M-My heartbeat."
That was deafening. Impossible not to hear. It rattled in his lungs and exploded in his ear drums.
"Faucet's dripping."
If you didn't move it a certain way, the sink would drip.
"Uh, people breathing?"
"That works, Echo. Next, three things you can feel. Stuff you're touching."
"My gloves. The armor. The shirt's bunched up. It itches," he added, running out of ideas.
"Two more, Echo. You're doing good," Hunter soothed. "Two things you smell."
He sniffed deeply, and gasped. Someone was holding a bottle under his nose. He recognized the smell easily. Apples. Honey. "Is… Is that her perfume?"
Crosshair chuckled, "She left it in the laundry room by accident. I brought it in here where she'd see it and she kinda didn't notice. Good thing though."
Echo nodded and took another deep breath. This time, a pungent smell invaded. He laughed a little, and his chest wasn't so tight. "I'm sweaty."
Hunter laughed with him, "Yeah, I think we all are. Last one. Taste this."
He opened his mouth and let him stick a little ball of something in.
"Chew. You'll choke otherwise," Hunter advised.
He obeyed and hummed. Bubblegum. "Where'd you get this?"
"Happened to grab a jar at the candy store," he admitted. "Feeling a little better?"
Echo nodded. "Yes."
"You know where you are?"
"Kitchen. Marauder. I'm okay. I… I messed up. I really messed up. Kriff, I… I'm so stu—"
"—enough. We just got you through one attack. I'll be kriffed if I let you put yourself through another," Hunter groaned. "Now sit down. Crosshair, stay with him. I'm gonna talk to Tech. Wrecker… what do you wanna do?"
"Uhhh… eat?" he asked.
"Oh no!" Tech groaned, running to the oven and pulling out a pan of roasted sweet potatoes. "Thank the Maker nothing's burned. That was close. Cross, you know how to tell when bacon is ready?"
"I do," Wrecker said. "I'll stay and eat something too. You go on, Sarge."
Hunter pulled Tech into the hallway and began talking to him. Tech's voice rose a few more times irately, then all was eerily quiet.
"Don't take what he said to heart, Echo," Crosshair said suddenly. "He's just very protective of the people he loves and gets angry when one of them is hurt. He loves you too; he just doesn't understand everything."
"He's right though," Echo sighed, shaking his head. "I… I'm an idiot. Ella really should leave me now. She deserves way better."
"Didn't she try that already and decided she didn't like it? Let her decide what she deserves, vod." Then the sniper shook his head.
"She doesn't know how precious she is, then. She hasn't really given anyone else a chance."
"From what I hear, you're not entirely right," Wrecker informed.
"What do you know that I don't?" Echo asked, desperately. "I know that there are things she hasn't told me."
He shook his head, "She's probably waiting for you to ask."
Echo shook his head. "Every time I try to talk to her, I choke up and can't say anything. That's not fair to her."
"No, it isn't," Crosshair agreed. "You need to own up and tell her straight, for her sake if not yours."
"But… Crosshair, I'm a mess."
"Not disputing that. So what? You're telling me you're gonna let this separate you? You're gonna let your marriage get ripped apart because you're too scared to take a chance? You're gonna keep hurting her because you're too afraid of something that won't happen?"
Echo ducked his head in shame. "I… I need to fix myself."
"No. You need to stop trying to go back in time and look straight ahead."
"Like us," Wrecker spoke up.
"What do you mean?"
"We were always this way," Crosshair explained. "Instead of getting rid of us, we were the long-necks' experiments. Their test subjects to see if they did this would that work, or this might make him more of that."
"That's why I'm so… huge," Wrecker admitted. "I kept trying to make myself like the others. Tried making myself smaller. Wouldn't talk a lot because my voice was so different." He sighed. "During the Second Battle of Kamino, we were running through some of the vat chambers when a bunch of the growth trees shattered and we got trapped underneath. That's where I got this." He pointed to the spidery scar on his head. "Glass in the eye and behind it. Kinda messed up that part."
Echo hissed in sympathy.
"We'd have been there for hours," Crosshair remembered, "and might not have made it at all, if not for Wrecker. He decided right then he was gonna use his strength and size to get us out of there. Started smashing through the wreckage and got us four out. We were the only ones who survived, and it was only just barely. Most of Hunter's rib cage was broken, Tech's lung was punctured, and I had partial paralysis because of a piece of glass that got in between vertebrae. Wrecker passed out after we got somewhere safe and almost died."
"It wasn't that bad," the trooper rolled his eyes.
Echo nodded. "I'm glad you're all here and alive."
"We're glad you are too," came a guilty voice from the doorway. Tech came over and shook his head, "I'm sorry, Echo. I shouldn't have said any of that. It was wrong of me."
Echo shook his head, "I forgive you, Tech. It wasn't all uncalled for, anyway."
"We need to talk, Echo," Hunter cut in, taking a seat beside him. "I've given you time. I haven't wanted to rush you into this. It's a delicate situation. But you know I can't let Ella feel like that. You need to face her. And it has to be now."
He swallowed, "I… now?"
"Putting this off any longer will do nothing to heal your relationship, nor will it improve the way either of you see yourselves. It's gotta be now." He stood and waited.
Echo's eyes widened, "You mean… now now?"
"Let's go."
"She probably doesn't want to see me, Hunter, if she's still upset," Echo pleaded. "I'd only make it worse."
"Or, you'd surprise her pleasantly and actually make progress. This isn't an option anymore, Echo. I'm sorry that it's come to this, but it's an intervention."
The ARC nodded tautly, standing slowly to his feet. Hunter motioned for him to lead and followed close behind as he walked towards the room at the end of the end of the hall.
His hands were sweating and his heart was nearly trembling against the double doors of its cell, but he knew he had to do this. They were right, and he needed to pull himself together enough to at least give her the option to stay… or leave.
At the thought of her choosing the latter, his feet froze, suddenly weighing more than lead, and wouldn't budge an inch.
Hunter pressed him forward firmly, murmuring, "Come on, Echo. Don't back down now."
Echo took a breath and nodded.
He caught himself almost knocking on his own bedroom door. The fact that he felt the need to ask permission to enter brought a pang of just how bad things had gotten and hammered it deep, cutting painfully.
Trying to shake off his nerves, he turned one more time, nodded at Hunter, took a deep preparatory breath, and opened the door. He dared not stop until he'd entered the room completely and locked the door behind him, then leant against it wearily.
Ella's shocked eyes met his when he glanced over to the bed. She wiped her face, trying to hide the fact that she had indeed been crying, and gave him a tight-lipped smile before dropping her gaze to her lap.
Well, I'm here, Hunter. What do I do now?
•~§~•
To say that she was shocked would be an understatement.
Ella had just really gotten into the book she'd unearthed from her box, and had been startled by the muffled sound of raised voices in the hall. She knew they were raised because normally, she couldn't hear the conversations. Only when someone spoke louder could she hear a bit of it.
What was going on?
Silence fell again, and, still rather disconcerted, she returned to her reading.
As she read the long beloved story, she couldn't help the tears that slid down her cheeks.
This had been one of Echo's favorites that she'd read to him all the time. He'd always loved the spark between Anne and Gilbert Blythe, and had always found the scrapes the imaginative redhead always found herself in to be highly amusing in the most wholesome way.
Oh, I wish you were here now, begging me with those sweet brown eyes and irresistible smile to read you just a little bit more.
Suddenly, as if this wish had been granted by a genie that lived in the book instead of a magic lamp, the door opened and her husband himself stepped through, leaning back against the door exhaustedly, one hand locking it behind him as his body sagged.
He looked so lost when he saw her that she had to try to smile, wiping away the faint traces of tears.
They waited for a few eternal minutes, awkwardly staring at one another, as if waiting for instructions on how to proceed.
Then Echo looked down. "I… I'll get a shower. I smell. No one's hurt. Mission was successful. Sorry I interrupted you." He slunk off to the fresher and she heard the shower turn on.
What… what just happened? she thought in amazement. Is he really here?
He is. Just stay calm and look for the right time to talk over what's going on. Be brave.
But he's really here! This is happening!
Yeah, so calm down! Don't scare him away.
Echo re-entered the room, completely clothed in long flannel pajama pants and a cotton long-sleeved shirt.
It was strange to her that he wasn't in the lighter wear he usually favored. She, who was always chilly, had actually turned the little plug in fan on to cool off and was in a light tank top and shorts.
Maybe he just felt cold after getting out of the shower, or really likes the feel of those pjs.
He hesitated as he stood next to the bed, then took a breath and quickly climbed in, keeping his eyes on the bedding.
Ella dog-eared her page and set the book aside, switching the lamp off and turning onto her side.
Echo's eyes slowly met hers. There was so much in them that she couldn't comprehend. The depth of emotion was too deep. She'd need to analyze it deeper to really understand.
Say something! her mind screamed.
"Hi," her own voice obeyed in a soft murmur.
His eyes jumped to her face, and a timid smile creased his lips. "H-Hi."
She shifted nervously, "Are… are you gonna stay all night this time?"
He bit his lip, "I… I hadn't planned to leave. Is… is that okay?"
Her brow furrowed, "It's your bed too, Echo."
There was no mistaking the pure hope that lit up his face for a few seconds at those words before being replaced by a carefully stoic mask. "Good then. I… I think I'll sleep now. I just… I…"
"Shh," she whispered. "If you're tired, then sleep. Get some rest."
He nodded, though he hesitated as he shut his eyes, looking like there was something he wanted to tell her but didn't know how to say it.
Echo kept shifting uneasily, as if the act of falling asleep was foreign and somewhat unwelcome. He rolled from side to side every few minutes, then sighed in frustration.
Touch him, a voice urged her.
Praying she was doing rightly, Ella reached out and gently combed her fingers through his hair. It was longer now. She smiled at the familiar feeling of it tickling against her skin. It was almost longer than regulation length.
Echo froze when he felt the touch, stiffening, holding his breath.
She paused, "Is… is this okay?"
He looked at her, and she was shocked to see the astounded look on his face. His eyes held a longing so poignant she could almost feel it, and when he nodded, a slight, wobbly smile appeared for a few seconds.
Ella beamed at him, kissing his temple as she continued massaging his scalp. She studied his face. His eyes had drifted shut, and the worry lines on his forehead were slowly smoothing out as sleep crept in like a gentle whisper.
She kissed him one more time before laying down behind him, draping her arm across his middle and burrowing her nose into the crook of his neck. His soft breathing made her smile, and she kissed his cheek before closing her eyes and whispering, "I love you, Echo. I missed you so much."
If she'd had her eyes open, she might have seen the watery smile that bloomed on her husband's lips, even though he was fast asleep.
AHHHH! Okay! So that's a roller coaster. I hope y'all are happy with it. The miscommunications are coming to a halt and omg it was kriffing painful to write. I have never wanted to write a quick and happy ending more. Haha, the joys of being a writer but also a highly empathetic person, am I right?
Love y'all so much! Christmas is coming soon(okay, it's November, I know. I'm just excited!) maybe we'll have to write a Christmas chapter?
Smile and shine on my friends!
Love, Peace, and
LittleBitOfGrace
