Chapter Forty-Three
It was unbearably hot. The air swirled around him like a tornado, thick with smoke and the stench of blood and sweat. It was so dark. He couldn't see a thing in front of him, causing an uneasiness to settle in his stomach. Nothing good ever happened when he couldn't see.
His hands were secured on both sides of his head, metal cuffs suspending him in midair. He wasn't sure how high up he was, only that his feet were above the ground.
Don't say anything. Just don't say a thing.
"Well, CT-1409," the hissy voice of one of his captors drawled. "You understand my fortune that we caught such a rich supply of the Republic's information. They should've killed you instead of left you. They'd be doing you a favor."
Echo bit the insides of his cheeks. They hadn't meant to leave him. He knew that. It didn't change his current situation much, but he knew that his friends wouldn't have left him if they'd known he was alive.
Fives would've mutinied, and Rex would've been right behind him.
"You could make it easy on both of us and tell us what you know. For example, what are the access codes to infiltrate the 501st's intelligence?"
Like I'm gonna tell you anything that could jeopardize my wife's safety. Echo glared back into the darkness, hoping the questioner could feel the intensity even beneath the blindfold.
"Nothing? Well, we'll have to remind you of that information then," he said, sounding half-frustrated and half-anticipatory. It made his blood run cold. "You know, the Citadel is well equipped with the means to break even the strongest of wills into submission. What makes you think that you'll hold out any better than the jedi who've groveled here?"
Echo didn't answer aloud, nor did he want to. But in his heart, memories of long, curly brown hair, the sparkle in dark brown eyes, and a whisper of, 'I love you,' began to arise.
Do it for Ella. Don't let them find her. Don't let them hurt her. Be strong. Don't mess this up.
"Whatever the reason, you're sorely mistaken," his captor continued. "You are just a clone. Replaceable by nature. They didn't make your soul for independence or resistance, but total submission. You'd save yourself a lot of suffering if you'd tell."
Maybe, but not Ella. What would you do to her? He shuddered at the horrible thought. Bring it on.
The darkness served its purpose well. He didn't know where the first attack, or any attack that followed, came from. All he knew was he was being plunged into a sea of writhing, burning agony. Every cell screamed for mercy that wouldn't be delivered whether he caved or not.
The burning receded, and he gasped for breath, trying to get enough air into him.
He honestly didn't care how long he remained conscious. This wasn't a race to the finish line or some stupid game.
This was him holding onto what he knew, but shoving it so far into the back of his mind that he forced himself not to forget about it. This was a fight to forget everything except that he knew nothing.
He couldn't forget Ella's face. It was impossible. Instead, he locked her away in her own place, and fortified it the strongest. If it came down to it, he'd rather they learn about the Republic and whatever it was that they wanted to infiltrate it than to even find out about her existence. He had to keep her safe above all else.
That's a little treasonous, he laughed to himself.
That was okay though. He was a loyal soldier by default, and believed in the freedom that the Republic represented, but he had priorities. His wife. His beautiful wife with the heart of an angel. She was his goal.
Another round of burning began and he tasted blood, realizing belatedly that he was biting down on his tongue.
The burning joined with a searing cutting sensation that began on his back and gradually journeyed all across him, but he held on.
Suddenly, he could see, but it wasn't what he expected to see. He was on the inside of a metal coffin with a circular window before his face. It was freezing cold but he was somehow still awake, shivering violently as blood rolled down his body.
The walls were so small, he couldn't move. Wires stuck out of him, out of access points that only a droid should be equipped with. His legs… they were just gone, but the droid parts that had replaced them were streaming blood.
It felt like a claw had wrapped itself around his throat, choking off all air. He had to get out.
"No! Let me out!" he screamed, throwing himself against the door in a vain effort to blast it open. He was skin and bones; how could he even budge the thick durasteel.
"You are never going to get out, weakling. Not even a jedi could escape the Citadel. Stop struggling."
"No don't!" He fell backwards, head banging against the back wall. A million hands grabbed at him, sending pain skyrocketing through his body.
"It's too bad that you didn't submit," the voice returned.
Bone-cutting pain surged through his legs and he screamed. Why did it hurt? Weren't they already gone? Nothing made sense!
Sweat pervaded his senses, melding disgustingly with the stench of burning flesh and tissue. He couldn't breathe. He had to get out. He must!
A flash of metal.
Not again.
"NO!"
"Echo."
He gasped and turned towards the source of the voice. There was his wife, standing so vulnerably in the middle of the room. The room? He was in a chamber a second ago. What was going on?
"Echo honey, I'm here. You're okay," she said.
No!
Echo reached out and grabbed her, pulling her close and wrapping his body around her protectively. It wasn't safe here. They'd hurt her!
"Echo, I'm here," Ella whimpered. "It's okay."
"Ah!" Trench chuckled darkly. "I know what will loosen your tongue." He approached them, signaling his droids to move in and grab her.
He shook his head, clutching her tighter, "N-No, don't hurt her, take me instead! Please don't hurt her!"
Ella took his face between them and drew his forehead down to rest against hers. Why did she seem so oblivious to the imminent danger? How could she be so calm when they were about to hurt her?
I can't let them hurt her! I have to protect her!
"Please… please don't take her from me," he begged. Then he looked down at his beautiful, sweet wife and saw that she was gone. He couldn't see her, but somehow he could still feel her.
Nothing makes sense!
"Ella! Don't go!" he pleaded.
"Eyayah, listen to me," her voice murmured sweetly, "We're both safe. We're on the Havoc Marauder and the Techno Union will never get their hands on you ever again. Please just focus on me. You're okay." He felt her lips kissing his cheeks. "Can you hear me, Echo?"
He whimpered and stuttered, "Where are you?"
"I'm right here. I'm in your arms and you are safe. Can you feel me?" she said.
His hands drew into fists that clung to her tee shirt, almost tight enough to rip the soft material.
"Can you tell me where you are?" she continued.
He groaned, "C-Citadel!"
"No. You're not there. I promise. Open your eyes, honey. Look around and tell me where you are."
One of the droids struck his legs with an electro staff, sending fiery pain burning up and down them from hip socket to toenails. How could the flimsy metal legs feel? Why didn't anything make sense!
He shook his head, "It hurts!"
"What hurts?" she asked.
The droid entered again but this time it had a huge bone saw. He whimpered, "M-My legs! Oh, don't take them, please! Please don't take them!"
She kissed his neck, "Your legs are okay. Can you feel this?"
He felt a gentle touch rubbing his legs and gasped, and suddenly his eyes were really open. Desperately, he looked around as quickly as he could, gathering the familiar sight of their bed and the dim fairy lights glowing over Ella's skin.
Looking down, he saw his legs, the new flesh and bone ones, and they weren't torn or bleeding at all.
I'm safe.
He sighed in relief.
"You know where you are now?" Ella asked.
He nodded, "Havoc Marauder. Our bedroom?"
She smiled and rubbed his back. "Yes. You're safe now, Echo. It's okay."
Suddenly, he realized what had happened and felt waves of shame and loathing roll over him.
I've done it. I made her put up with my baggage. I'm such a burden. Why can't I just get it together? I'm such a mess, she deserves so much better than me.
He couldn't find it in him to even try to fight the voices, and couldn't see any lies in their words. Tears stung his eyes and he bit his lip, not wanting to break down completely on her. He'd already done enough.
Ella kissed his neck, whispering, "You're okay. It's okay now. You're safe."
Tears silently seeped from his eyes into her shoulder, and a quiet sob dislodged the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry."
"What?"
He raised his head to stare into those unfathomable eyes and repeated himself, "I… I'm sorry. I… I didn't want you to see that. You don't need to deal with me."
"Echo," Ella gasped, sounding shocked. "Do you think I'm… I'm not mad, Echo, I swear! I'm not!"
"You shouldn't have to put up with me," he whispered in a small voice. "Not like this."
"I don't care what state you're in as long as I can have you with me," she said earnestly.
Echo's mouth dropped open, unbidden tears slipping down his cheeks in a prison break. Hope began to build in his heart and the words were off his trembling lips before he realized he was saying them. "Y-You mean that?"
Ella nodded and cupped his face in her hand, gently brushing away his tears with her thumb, "Of course I mean it! I love you! Don't you know that?"
He couldn't answer. His body took over and ripped away the meager threads of control he'd been holding against the writhing emotions, permitting deep, heaving sobs tore from his chest, and he covered his face with his hands as he cried tears of relief, joy, and disbelief.
She still loves me!
It seemed too good to be true.
He felt guilty for his hesitancy, but he couldn't help it. The damage that had been done to him made it too easy to doubt and almost impossible to easily believe anything, especially pertaining to his self worth.
But she said she loved him. She was here. She wasn't telling him to go.
Why does she still love me?
"You… why would I not?" she gasped, arms wrapping around him and holding him tightly.
Apparently I said that out loud.
He hiccuped and shook his head, "I- I thought you- you didn't w-want me an-n-nymore."
"Why? Why on earth would I ever not want you?" she sniffled over her own tears.
"I'm… I'm so messed up!" he sniveled. "I'm not like I was before, and I have so much wrong with me, and you deserve someone who isn't a freak and doesn't break down and cry because of stupid stuff all the time, and I'm just so useless! It's hard to love me, and I'm so confusing, and I can't even make up my own mind about stuff, and I hurt you and made you cry, and I'm just… I'm nothing anymore, and you deserve everything!"
"Echo," she whispered, her voice wobbly with emotion, "Loving you is the easiest thing I've ever done. It comes to me more naturally than breathing, and is as instinctive as my heart beating."
He sobbed, trying to turn away. "I'm messed up, Ella. You deserve someone better."
"You're not messed up," she said firmly. "You are my sweet, wonderful, amazing husband that I believe loves me so much I can't even comprehend it. You've been hurt, and that's not your fault, and dealing with the aftermath of someone else's cruelty doesn't make you messed up."
The voices were hissing and screaming. Somehow they were getting quieter and farther away. He'd needed this. He needed more.
"B-But… I hurt you!" he squeaked.
She smiled bitter-sweetly. "I was confused. I leapt to conclusions and… I don't know. I should've asked you instead of cowering and letting my own doubts keep me away from you."
"I made you doubt I loved you," he sniffled. "I'm sorry!"
She kissed his cheek, "I forgive you, Echo."
"I'm sorry I hurt you! I'm so sorry!"
"It only hurt because I want you so much and the distance and space between us takes us away from each other. I don't ever want to be away from you again. I can't take another time. It would kill me."
He took her hand and kissed it, "Don't die, Ella. I need you. Don't leave me."
"Don't you leave me," she pleaded.
"I couldn't," he breathed. "I'd rather go back to the Citadel."
Ella looked up into his eyes with such love that it almost hurt to look into, and lifted her face to kiss him.
His eyes locked onto her sweet pink lips, the taste of them rising in his memory, begging to be relived.
But at the brush of her breath on his mouth, he flinched, pulling away as he did.
Hurt and confusion filled her expression.
All he could do was bite back guilty splutters and hide - again - behind his hands, cursing his stupid, stupid reaction to hell and back.
Ella's hand on his cheek made him shiver and lean into the touch desperately, and her voice was so exquisitely vulnerable when she whispered, "Talk to me. Please. I… I don't understand, and might not ever fully, but that doesn't mean I don't want to try. Please, just talk to me."
She's going to hate you. You're going to lose her. You're too messed up. You're too—
"Echo?" she interrupted them. "Why don't you want me to kiss you? What did I do wrong?"
Taking a deep breath, he licked his lips and slowly began, "It isn't you." He shook his head. "I… I want to kiss you. I want to touch you and love you. I'm just… I can't!"
"Why?" she prompted.
"Because…" he breathed shakily, "I-I feel like I'm dirty. And I… I don't want you to feel dirty too."
"What? No! Oh, Echo, no!!" Ella shook her head dizzyingly hard, "You don't make me feel dirty. You make me feel alive. You make me feel special. I could never feel dirty being with you. Why do you think that?"
Echo ducked his head again, "I'm not… I'm disfigured now. I've got so many scars and marks. So many. And these stupid knobs… and this arm…" he whimpered and hid his face, his voice cracking. "I hate looking at myself. I feel sickened by me."
"Echo," she kissed his forehead. "You make me weak with wanting for you, and I ache to have you in my arms just because you exist. Look at me, darling."
She brought his eyes back to hers.
"I can't change the way you see yourself, but I swear to you by everything we hold dear, there is no way in heaven or earth that I could ever find you anything but beautiful. You might be disgusted by what you see… but I'm in love with you. All of you. I adore every inch. "
His lip trembled and he blinked back tears as quiet sobs shook him. "You mean that? Truly?"
She nodded, sniffling, "I love you more than anything. Nothing and no one could ever make me love you any less."
"But I'm not who I was. I don't deserve you to want me. You should have someone better."
"But they aren't you. I don't want anyone touching or kissing me. No one but you," she said earnestly. "You're everything to me. You're my home and my shelter, and the love that was perfect for my heart. No other love could make me feel so… perfectly snug. Your love fits like it was made to be in my heart. The other kinds don't feel the right way. I don't want anyone but you."
"I'm not worthy," he whispered, though the walls were broken and he was seconds from surrendering to her sweet mercies.
She cupped his face and brought her lips close to his, "I say you are, and I'm the only opinion that matters. I'm irrevocably in love with you, Echo, and I don't care what happens next, or what we face, I just want you. I just need you and nothing else matters."
His heart reached out to what she said and held on like a lifeline, finally smothering the voices.
Ella took his hands and guided them to her waist, holding them there until he had the courage to actually hold her. "Please, Echo," she begged. "Please kiss me."
Echo nodded and pulled her closer, slowly lowering his lips to hers.
His heartbeat rose but he wasn't perturbed by it. It was just the natural side effect of kissing his wife.
He'd missed this.
Missed the taste of the strawberry lip balm she always wore at night before bed.
Missed the feel of her hands frantically searching for a place to hold onto him as she told him without words just what he meant to her and more.
Missed the rise and fall of her chest against his and the desperate pull to be so much closer than ever.
He didn't know when they stood or even began moving towards the bed. Such memories were inconsequential and needed no thought. At least to his mind. All he knew was the taste of mint on her tongue and the smell of warm butter and sugar on her skin.
Ella locked her arms around his waist before falling backwards and pulling him down with her to bounce upon the mattress.
Hesitating for only a second, he peeled off her shirt, gasping at the sight of her. He pressed a kiss against her collarbone, "Oh Ella… you're so lovely."
She was just like he remembered. Angelic; a fantasy in reality, like a kiss from heaven mixed with just enough mortality to make her tangible and here. The dim twinkling of the fairy lights gave her this luminescence that teased him with the idea that any moment she might float away and soar in the stars.
She didn't let him give her as much attention as he probably should've before she gently pressed him onto his back and reached for the long cotton shirt. He grabbed her hand as her fingers found the hem, anxiety awakening.
Ella paused and leaned forward to kiss him, pulling away to whisper, "Trust me. Please."
"Don't lie. Don't lie to me if you don't…" he begged. As much as it would hurt for her not to like what she saw, it would hurt worse to be lied to.
She shook her head, "Never. I promise."
"It's not pretty," he warned as she went back.
"It's okay, Echo," she murmured. Then she slowly peeled off the shirt.
She gasped.
He shut his eyes, not knowing if he could take the expression on her face.
A moment later, his eyes flew open and he gasped at the feeling of a soft touch running along the lengthy, corded scar that stretched from his stomach to his breastbone. Her hands continued to trace each mark, brow furrowed studiously and eyes filling with moisture.
Ella stopped, looked up at his face, her expression one of stricken apology, then lay her forehead upon his stomach and sobbed.
"Ella?" he called nervously, lightly resting his hand on her bare back to steady her. Fear squiggled in his stomach. Maybe he was right after all. Maybe it really was too much for her to handle, and not in a good way. "I'm sorry. I know it's not nice and—"
"—stop," she interrupted. "Please. Don't ever apologize for this." There was a hard note of anger in her tone, and her eyes were a mixture of bitterness, regret, relief, and pain.
"I… I'm sorry for making you cry, Ella," he said quietly. "I didn't want you to be upset, but I understand."
She shook her head, "No. You don't I think."
Ella ran her hand up his side, sending a shiver of pleasure through him. It shouldn't feel so good just to be touched so simply, but it was addictive.
She rested her hand against his cheek, wiping her eyes before explaining, "You think that you made me upset. That's not true. You haven't hurt me, and I just…" she trailed off, biting her lip against another swell of emotions.
He sighed, "If you're repulsed, Ella, I want to know. I need to know."
Ella met his gaze and held it unwaveringly. "I am repulsed, but not by you or these scars. I'm repulsed by the state of the hearts of the people who gave you them. I'm disgusted by the quality of their inhumanity and their sadistic actions. And I'm upset because I hate that they made you fear that I wouldn't want you anymore; I hate that they made you feel shame and pain, and gave you trauma that is terrible and painful. I love you, and I want to take away your pain and give you peace. That's why I'm upset and repulsed. Because of them. Not you. Never you."
"Are you sure?" he asked once more, his voice and body trembling with hope and joy.
She nodded, but didn't say another word, instead lowering her lips to kiss along the lines burnt and chiseled into his skin.
Echo gasped, biting his lip to cut off any further noises of astonishment. He couldn't believe that this was real.
She was kissing his scars.
Every single one.
Not just little timid pecks but really kissing them. As if she really enjoyed it. As if she found him beautiful.
"Ella," he stammered m, covering his mouth with his hand. "You… you don't have to… I mean…"
She smiled against a long burn scar on his abdomen. "I want to." Then she returned to bestowing his broken body with her adoration.
Never before had he imagined that such intimacy could exist.
Every kiss seemed to erase the shame he felt and replace it with the deepest understanding of love that he'd ever experienced.
Every touch sent waves of peace through him, freeing the more and more of him and chasing his fears away.
"Please," she whispered, switching their roles and laying beneath him.
"I've missed you so much," he whispered, capturing his lips and speaking nonsense between kisses.
"I need you," Ella begged. "Please."
He nodded and kissed a line up her neck, smiling as she shivered against him. His fingers laced their way through her curls, lifting her face closer so that he could reach the sensitive spot beneath her ear.
"Echo…" she whimpered, fingernails barely digging into his waist as she pulled him closer.
Echo smirked at her show of impatience and gave into her pleas.
And all he could think of was Ella.
The way that his name fell from her lips like a prayer and a song, arms tightening around his neck and hands squeezing the muscles of his back as she pulled him closer, so much closer.
Her sweet sugary scent intoxicating his senses, pulling him higher into ecstasy.
How absolutely soft she was in comparison to his own hardened muscles.
The sweetness of her lips and the heavenly agony of her fingers running through his hair.
All was sense and emotion, touch beyond skin and feeling beyond measure, souls reaching for each other like moonlight and steam rising from an ocean on a summer night.
She was something intangible and too ethereal to comprehend, like the auburn lights that pierced the fading night skies, painting her skin golden and melding into his until nothing came between them, fusing them together like liquid silk.
Echo held onto her as the stars began to fade, cresting into a purple dawn like a momentary masterpiece. Warmth and promises echoed around him, long lost words resurfacing in just a second and gone the next but leaving something tangible in his heart.
He was here.
He was safe.
And best of all, she loved him.
He didn't know how he ever doubted her absolute devotion, and knew he never would again.
"I love you," Ella sighed breathlessly, her breaths ragged and hot against his neck. "Don't ever forget that, and if you need a reminder, I'll always be here to tell you again."
Echo said nothing, but brought his lips to hers, tenderly speaking to her heart with a language his voice never could come near.
Pulling her into his chest, he turned them over and just cradled her body close, folding the blankets over them and holding her snugly to him as his breathing steadied.
"I love you, Ella," he murmured against her hair as sleep took him under a mantle that no evil dreams could penetrate.
•~§~•
Blinking into awareness, Ella was confused by the embrace in which she was currently enveloped so warmly. For months she'd gone to bed alone and woken up to an empty pillow, and having company rather startled her.
But then she recalled the swirling memories of earlier this morning, and a smile kissed her cheeks.
Maneuvering carefully, she turned so that her lips hovered over Echo's collarbone, then dipped to press into the little hollow affectionately.
His face was so peaceful as he slept away the blissful exhaustion left over by their intimate reunion. Silky black locks tangled themselves together in any which way they pleased, some brushing over his nose and cheeks.
It's getting rather long now, she mused, brushing her hands through his hair to smooth out the kinks.
Echo stirred sleepily and yawned, waking with a breathy sigh and just a hint of a stretch. "G'mornin', ner yiatr."
Ella smiled and tilted her head up to kiss him. "Good morning, Eyayah."
He grinned, "You look gorgeous, as usual."
She blushed, "Right now? I don't have any makeup on and my hair is a wreck!"
Echo shook his head, fondling one of the wavy locks. "You're beautiful Ella. You don't need that makeup, and I think your hair looks just fine."
"Oh, you!" she giggled softly, kissing him again. "Maker, I missed you more than I'd ever thought that it was possible to miss anyone."
"I missed you," he sighed. "I thought of nothing but you the whole time I was there. You were what kept me from telling them everything they needed to know until I had no choice anymore."
She shook her head, "You don't give yourself enough credit."
"No, Ella. I mean it. It wasn't about me, when I went in there and they did all those things to me, trying to get me to talk, I knew if I only focused on myself, I'd break. I kept remembering you. I reminded myself that I couldn't let them know anything or you'd be put in danger. So I didn't say anything. They only got information after they made that mind investigator."
Ella bit her lip as horrific images rose at the thought of what had been done to her husband. She wanted to scream, to hit something, someone, and give them a taste of what they'd made him feel.
Instead, she pressed a kiss against his scarred chest, hoping that somehow this was enough.
Echo stroked his hand down her back, lifting her chin so that her kisses met his lips instead. Ella sighed against them contentedly. Kissing Echo was so much more amazing than she remembered. She could keep at it forever and never want to stop.
Unfortunately, her lungs required air to breathe and she was forced to break away, panting into the dip of his neck.
Wow.
He chuckled softly, "My thoughts exactly."
Oops. I said that out loud.
Echo smiled and sat up, pulling her with him. "Do you want to talk?"
She nodded, "Yes. I haven't gotten a chance to talk to you for way too long."
He nodded, "Same here. You lived a year without me in it and I'm sure stuff happened while I was gone."
Her stomach soured.
Tears pricked her eyes and she swallowed hard around the tightness in her throat. "Yeah. A lot… a lot happened."
"Ella, are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"You sure? You don't… sound okay," he noted.
Stang, you're so perceptive!
She knew she couldn't hide this from him anymore. He deserved to know at least.
But how could she tell him everything that had happened? How could she tell him about little Ayah or her idiocy that night with Sellak? How she'd cheated on him?
"Ella?" he murmured, kissing her cheek tenderly. "Please talk to me."
The tears flowed over and she shook her head, "I haven't told you things, Echo. Important things. I'm sorry."
"I know."
Her chin jerked up, bringing her surprised eyes up to his.
He shrugged, "Rex told me to ask you about stuff, and summarized something about you trying to move on when others told you that you shouldn't wallow. I hope you know I'm not upset at you for doing what you should've if I really was gone."
"But you weren't!" she whimpered. "I almost cheated on you!"
"Hey," he hushed her, kissing her lovingly. "It's okay. I forgive you. Bygones."
She shook her head, "I can't help it! I… I kissed someone."
He sighed, "Did you enjoy it?"
She shook her head rapidly, "I felt sick. I couldn't bear it."
"Why?" he asked. "Was he gross?"
She shrugged, "Not hygienically, no. Morally, probably. He called me a etyc yialeti'r when I told him I couldn't go through with it and said I'd led him on and wasted his night."
"Oh no he didn't!" Echo growled furiously. "If I ever get my hands on him, I swear I'll—"
"—Echo… he wasn't wrong. I did lead him on. Not purposefully, but I did. And I had wasted his night," she pointed out.
He shook his head, "Acting like a besom isn't justified by you saying no, even if you were acting like that. But you weren't."
"How do you know that?"
He grinned, "I know you. You haven't changed a bit. Gotten stronger, maybe, but you aren't a different person."
"Really?" she asked hopefully.
"Truly."
"And you're not mad?"
"Why would I be?"
She squirmed, "I was going to go to bed with him."
"You didn't."
"But if I had—"
"I still wouldn't be mad," he assured. "Ella, you thought you were a widow. Widows aren't supposed to not ever try to find love again, and if I were dead, like you thought, you wouldn't have cheated on me by doing any of that with him."
"But you weren't dead," she insisted. "So I was unfaithful."
"I'm not counting it, and only a di'kut would. Would you think I was a cheater if the roles were horrifically reversed?" he asked calmly.
She shook her head. "No. I just… I love you. Only you. I never loved him. I didn't even really want him."
"I know," he said. "I don't doubt you. But why didn't you want him?"
She smiled, "When you've become accustomed to fine wine, the cheap stuff isn't all that great anymore. You know the value of genuine richness."
He blushed and looked down. "I don't know how you manage to make me feel like one in a million all the time."
"Maybe because you are that rare and special," she suggested.
He bent down and kissed her lips. "Maybe you've rubbed off on me."
She rolled her eyes, "No way. You have always been priceless."
"Well what's the use of a diamond if no one recognizes its worth?" he asked. "You saw me as worthy."
"Same here, though," she smiled.
He sighed, "Maker, I love you so much. You have no idea."
"Hmm, I might have an inkling."
"So sweet and honest, pure-hearted and beautiful," he continued. "Our kids are gonna be the luckiest ever one day to have you as their mother."
She wanted to feel overjoyed at his statement. She should've felt special. But then she remembered Ayah's forever sealed eyes and the unhelpful test results, and tears filled her eyes, smearing her fallen smile.
"Ella?" Echo asked concernedly. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head, "Echo… I-I have some bad news. Well, it could be bad, it might not be news at all. I don't know. He said there was no way to tell unless it actually happened."
"Who?" he asked confusedly. "Unless what happened?"
She shook her head, trying and failing to contain silent sobs. She covered her face ashamedly, unable to meet his gaze.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he pleaded. "Please talk to me. Help me understand, mesh'la."
She hiccuped and wrenched her chin up. "Oh, Echo… I… I might not be able to have any more."
His face crumbled sadly and he shook his head, wiping away her tears with his thumbs, "Oh, darling… I'm so sorry. Is there… Do you know why?"
She nodded, "I… I had a baby."
Echo stiffened, inhaling sharply. She froze in anticipation.
To her surprise, he nodded and slowly murmured, "Okay… I'm supposing they're mine since you said you almost went to bed with him."
She nodded. "The last morning we were together. You remember. I was supposed to start my cycle soon after, but I missed it."
He nodded again, "Okay. When did you find out?"
"Three weeks after you had disappeared. I kept throwing up, couldn't sleep, weird cravings, stuff like that," she explained. "I felt sick after smelling coffee and went to see Kix about my symptoms. He gave me a test. It was positive."
"... did you keep the baby?" he asked.
She nodded, "I did. There was no way I could even consider getting rid of her. She was a piece of you. The last piece I had. The pregnancy actually made me feel like living again. I had to eat for her. I had to pick myself up and be strong for her, and stay the girl you loved for her."
"Her?" he asked, tears wetting his own cheeks. "You had a baby girl?"
She nodded. "She was beautiful, Echo."
"Of course she was; she got your good looks," he said seriously, a smile on his face.
"Oh, but she had your features too. Her lips. Her cheekbones. I bet her eyes would've been brown too, like yours. Her hair was darker than mine, blacker," she remembered.
"Was…" Echo noted. "She… she died, didn't she?"
Ella bit her lip as she nodded, trying to stop her refreshed grief.
"What happened?" he whimpered. "She was healthy. What made her die?"
Ella shook her head, "It was my fault. If I'd just stayed down on the ground in the medbay, she'd be alive right now."
"Whoa, stop it," he chided firmly. "What happened? Don't blame yourself right off the bat."
She hid her face in his shoulder and told him all about Umbara. How Krell had taken over for Anakin and everything went downhill from there because he was such a shab'la di'kut and didn't value the lives of his men. How he almost executed Jesse and Fives and how Hardcase had sacrificed himself to keep his brothers from walking into long-range missiles. How he abused Dogma and revealed his traitorous nature once and for all by sending them into a friendly fire with the 212th. How the hurting groups banded together and brought him in.
And how she went with her friends when he was to be executed and Krell used his last moments to take away the innocent life growing in her womb.
"He killed her!" she bawled. "I felt her dying, scared and in pain, inside of me. I couldn't do anything!"
"Ella…" he sniffled, arms protectively around her. "Vheh a'oatr… It's not your fault darling. You didn't kill her. It wasn't your fault."
"But I was supposed to keep her safe!" she cried. "If I can't even keep her safe when she's in the safest place in the world, what kind of mother would I be?"
"You couldn't do anything, Ella," he insisted. "It is unfair to you and Ayah to blame yourself for that monster's actions. Don't take the blame, Ella. Don't let Krell manipulate you from beyond the grave. It wasn't your fault."
"I just… Echo, she was so small and perfect, and she would've been about a year old now," she cried. "I just wanted her to live."
"I know. It's okay," he consoled.
"I'm so sorry!" she wailed. "I didn't mean for it to happen, Echo, I swear! If I could've done something different... I didn't want that to happen, I promise—!"
"—hey!" he interrupted emphatically. "Look at me!"
She sobbed pathetically and craned her neck up to look at him through her tears. "I'm sorry!"
He shook his head, "Ella, I didn't believe for one moment that you would ever purposefully do that to her. I promise you. If there was anything to forgive, it would be forgiven. But darling, you did nothing wrong, and nothing you did or would have done differently justifies his actions. Angel, he was an evil, evil person and you were good. He hurt you because of the vile nature of his heart and how it hated the purity in yours. He hurt you because you represent love and light where he lusted after all that is hateful and dark. In no way, shape, or form was this any of your doing. Let it go."
Ella threw herself against him and wept bitterly, shaking like she had right after it had happened. She couldn't say another word, and didn't want to. She just wanted to be here in his arms, safe, sound, and loved.
Gradually, her wrenching sobs turned quieter and less violent as her grief ran dry. Echo held her still, kissing and comforting her, shedding his own tears as he mourned a child he'd never hold.
"I might not ever be able to have another baby ever again because of the damage…" she sniffled. "I wanted to give you your dream."
"Don't you know the best part of that dream is that you're in it?" he asked. "Ella, I don't want children just for the sake of having children. I want your children because, like she as a living piece of me, they'd be a piece of you. If we never have a child again, I will not regret being your husband. We do have a baby, and one day we'll hold her and show her that love we'll keep safe for her."
"You mean that?" she asked hoarsely.
He nodded, "With all my heart. And in the meantime, her uncles will take care of her. Hardcase and Fives. Hevy, Cutup, Droidbait."
She nodded against his beating heart, savoring the familiar rhythm in her ear.
He lifted her lips to his and sealed his words with their unspoken promise, repeating his continued love for her again and again until the heaviness in her heart was lifted a little.
When he pulled away, leaning his head on hers, he whispered, "Is it absolute? That you can't?"
She shrugged, "Kix said that we won't know unless I get pregnant."
"So it's neutral."
"Yes."
He smiled. "That means there's still a chance, though."
She nodded. "There is. A slim one, but a chance all the same."
"Are you on the pill?"
She shook her head. "I figured I probably didn't need it, so why bother."
Echo chuckled, "Want to find out if you really need it or not?"
Nervousness crept into her belly at the thought. On one hand, she could end up getting pregnant again. On the other… she might find out she really was empty.
"We don't have to if you'd rather not," he whispered.
She shook her head, "It isn't that. I just… I'm scared."
"I understand that," he assured.
"What if I don't…?"
"What if you do?" he asked.
Ella sighed, then nodded, "Okay."
He brightened, "Really?"
She nodded, and hope began to break through the storm clouds that had occupied her for so long. "Yes. I want to know."
"Then what are we waiting for?" he smirked, kissing her neck shiveringly.
She smiled and returned his affection, losing herself in him once more.
•~§~•
It was almost dinnertime when they finally emerged.
Crosshair was the first to notice them and nudged Hunter, who was sitting next to them as they played Spades.
"What?" he grunted, then saw the couple walking into the kitchen together, hand in hand. He poked Tech, who growled menacingly as he paused his work.
"What?"
"They've emerged," Crosshair whispered.
"They have?" Wrecker asked, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.
"They went to the kitchen," Hunter informed.
"Do you think they…?" Tech asked excitedly.
"I think so. They were holding hands," Crosshair said.
"I'm gonna go see," Wrecker decided, standing and tiptoeing to the door, peeking around the frame cautiously.
"Hey!" Tech hissed, stopping his tinkering to join him.
"Guys…" Hunter groaned. He glanced at Crosshair for help but the sniper was already walking towards the kitchen. Sighing, the sergeant followed dutifully.
Ella was seated on the countertop eating a bowl of ice cream. Her hair was a little messy, tucked behind and fabric hairband, and she was in baggy pajama bottoms and someone else's shirt.
Hunter would bet any money he could scrounge up that both items belonged to her husband, who was shirtless and leaning against the opposite countertop, smiling at her so widely it looked almost painful, his hands tucked into the pockets of his athletic shorts.
"You're so cute," Echo murmured, striding forward to stand between her legs, stealing some ice cream from her spoon.
Ella squeaked and giggled, "That's mine!"
He just hummed innocently, licking his lips to savor every drop. "Hmm, what is?"
"My ice cream, you dork!" she laughed, kissing his forehead.
This caused the ARC to blush in enjoyment and take her bowl from her, setting it aside and cutting her protest off with his lips on hers. Ella melted into him, her hands linking together behind his neck, arms wrapping around his waist to anchor him to her.
This kiss began to get very heated and frenzied and Hunter decided that this was enough, pulling Wrecker away with one hand, Crosshair and Tech with the other.
"Umm…" he stuttered. "You guys… uh, stay here. I'll… I'll break up."
Fortunately, the intensity had cooled by the time he'd gotten back, and he knocked on the doorframe.
Both heads jerked to him, eyes wide and cheeks flushed.
Hunter blushed like a sith lightsaber. "Uhh… I see you've worked it out…"
Ella covered her face with her hands. "Sorry. Kinda got… carried away."
Hunter smirked, "I know. Believe me, I am more than happy for you. Just… it's the kitchen."
Echo nodded, "It was my fault."
"I know."
"It won't happen again."
"At least in here."
"I'm sorry."
"Forgiven."
"Did anyone else see?" Ella squeaked.
Hunter looked away, biting his lip.
She groaned and hid her face again. "I'm sorry guys!" she called.
"My eyes!" Tech shrieked dramatically.
Mando'a Translations
EtycYialeti'r - dirty bi--
Besom - ... booty?
Shab'la - messed up; rude
Di'kut - idiot
Neryiatr- my heaven
Vheh A'oatr - earth angel
Mesh'la - beautiful
Hope this was worth the wait! It took a while because I kept feeling like it was off. Hopefully it's okay!
Love y'all!
Love, Peace, and
LittleBitOfGrace
