Chapter Forty-Four
Ella was in her own little world, hips swaying to the music as she stirred the pasta sauce that simmered on the stove.
Over the past few weeks, her marriage had begun to heal. She and Echo barely went a few hours without seeing each other, or at least checking in to make sure they were okay. Every night she fell asleep in his arms or at least by his side when he wasn't on missions.
Right now, he and the rest of the squad were currently on another mission, retrieving intel and demoing a base on Felucia. He'd sounded optimistic on their call the night before, and she really hoped he'd come home soon, tonight if possible.
Heck, she wished he hadn't left at all, but that was life after all.
Humming the old tune in her throat, she spun around and grabbed up the strainer, laying it in the sink before lifting the pot of pasta and pouring it through, saving some of the water of course. After turning the sauce down to a simmer, she took a spoon and tasted it.
Needs a little more of something. She put the spoon down and stepped away to search the herbs cabinet for the perfect ingredient.
Just then, two hands wrapped around her waist and spun her around. Ella squeaked in surprise, then smiled and threw her arms around her husband's neck, bouncing on her tiptoes to reach his lips.
"You're home!" she exclaimed.
He smiled, "I am. Everything wrapped up nicely and sooner than even I had hoped for."
"Why didn't you tell me!"
He laughed, the sound ringing like golden bells across a valley. "How could I surprise you if you knew?"
She giggled and leapt up, catching his lips again as his arms scooped her up in a bridal hold, holding her fast against his chest, safe and sound.
Echo sighed against her, shivering as her fingers left tingling paths in his skin, trembles of joy shorting his veins like incandescent electricity.
Finally he let her go, setting her on her feet and steadying her so she didn't topple over.
The music in the background changed to a familiar tune and he grinned, bowing elegantly and holding out his hand. His smile was charming as could be as he asked, "My angel, would you do me the honor of being my dance partner for this round?"
She curtsied, taking the offered hand and pressing a kiss to the top. "You've won me over, my gentleman."
Twirling her around gracefully, Echo led her through the steps she'd taught him what seemed like an eternity ago.
Heaven, I'm in heaven,
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we're out together dancing, cheek to cheek
Heaven, I'm in heaven,
And the cares that hang around me through the week
Seem to vanish like a gambler's lucky streak
When we're out together dancing, cheek to cheek
"Are you happy, darling?" Echo asked, nuzzling the side of her face with his nose, placing butterfly kisses in a constellation pattern as he went.
She nodded and diverted his mouth to hers, murmuring against them, "Always. As long as you're here, I'm in ecstasy."
He smiled, dipping her low in his arms before lifting her back up and spinning her away from him and back back.
Oh! I love to climb a mountain,
And to reach the highest peak,
But it doesn't thrill me half as much
As dancing cheek to cheek
Oh! I love to go out fishing
In a river or a creek,
But I don't enjoy it half as much
As dancing cheek to cheek
Dance with me
I want my arm about you
The charm about you
Will carry me through to heaven
I'm in heaven
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek.
The song ended with a gentle trill of piano notes, and he placed a kiss on his cheek, stepping close in his embrace to savor his arms around her, his heart thrumming in her ear, steadying her soul with its constant reminder.
He was here.
He was never going to leave her.
She meant the world to him, and fueled that precious heartbeat with his love for her.
Echo smiled into her eyes and clasped her cheeks in his hands. "What are you thinking, angel? Hmm?"
"Huh?" she answered intelligently.
He chuckled, "What's going on in that beautiful mind?"
She was about to answer her with a romantic truth. Instead, she blurted, "Oh no! The sauce!"
Ducking out of his embrace she raced over to the stove and turned the heat all the way down, stirring frantically. Fortunately, it wasn't beyond repair, and she sighed in relief when she doctored it up successfully, leaning back into his arms tiredly.
"I missed you."
He hummed, kissing her neck. "I missed you too."
"How much?"
She felt his lips part in a smile as they wandered up and down her pulse point. "So much. So much I can't explain it with words.
"Hmm," she answered, turning so that she faced him, "You hungry?"
He nodded, "Ravenous." But the look in his eyes spoke nothing of hunger towards food.
She blushed, heart warm. When he looked at her like that, she felt so special. So beautiful.
Ella nodded and grabbed the dishes, "Could you call the boys? They're likely starving too."
Echo relented, squeezing her tight before going to the door.
Ella sighed and turned back around, doling out the rescued dinner and carrying it to the table.
Six dishes.
Six spaces around the table.
Somehow, that number calls out to her, and she imagines another table, another place. Different mouths to feed. Young eyes that look up at her with adoration so similar to emotion in the eyes of their father. Crooked smiles and bubbling giggles, sticky fingers to wipe after dinner and messy faces to clean.
Tears filled her eyes, and she kept them back. It didn't look as though she'd be seeing any of those faces, at least not anytime soon.
It was November now, and through no lack of effort, she still remained empty. Every day she took a test or two, and every time a single line glared up at her scathingly, mocking her inability.
Am I just broken? Will I never hold a living child of mine in my arms?
"That sure smells good!" Crosshair exclaimed, his normally chilly voice hinting at some warmth.
"I'm starved!" Wrecker agreed.
She smiled at the four. "Don't worry. There's plenty to go around. Come take a seat while I get the bread."
"Thank you, Ella!" Tech beamed, sliding his goggles up to rest in a tangle of auburn hair, standing up at odd angles from the aggravated tousling its owner gave it.
Ella smiled and smoothed his hair, causing him to flush with glee at the motherly gesture.
Muscular arms encircled her waist from behind, lifting her off her feet. She squealed in surprise, then laughed as she recognized the person, kissing his lips chastely. "I thought you said you were ravenous!"
Echo smirked and waggled his eyebrows suggestively. She ducked her head, blushing furiously.
"Ugh, get a room!" Tech begged.
"We have one," Echo replied offhandedly, not taking his gaze away from his wife. His eyes fairly scorched her.
"I know. Use it!" the genius insisted.
"Now now," Hunter intervened hastily. "They're just gonna eat dinner. Don't fly up in the air yet, Tech."
"They're always looking at each other like that!" he protested.
"Like what?" Ella asked curiously.
He gave her a pointed look, "Like you're about to go full animal and devour each other!"
Echo rolled his eyes and set her down in her chair. "We're basically still newlyweds, Tech. We only had three months together before I disappeared. Even if that weren't so, it's healthy when a husband and wife still look at each other like that."
Tech just made a disgusted sound and glowered at him. "Just sit down and eat! Gosh! If I'd known we were taking in a couple of crazed lovebirds, I'd have—"
"—welcomed them with open arms anyway," Hunter finished, chuckling. "Maker, you're hangry tonight! Stuff your face, vod, and quit with the carrying on."
Tech glared at him and relented.
Ella tittered softly and grasped her husband's hand, the other grabbing Wrecker's. They bowed their heads as she prayed.
"Maker, we ask you to bless this food, bringing nourishment and fullness to our bodies, and to continue guiding us as we celebrate a successful mission. We thank you that we are all together and healthy, and continue to ask for wisdom and strength as we move onto our next challenges. In your name, Amen."
The others echoed her before claiming their hands again to dig into the meal.
"Mm!" Crosshair exclaimed. "Delicious! Thanks Ella!"
"Do we have more? I'll want some after I finish this," Hunter declared, licking some sauce from his lips before it could fall.
Wrecker and Tech were too busy stuffing their faces to speak, though they 'mmhmmed' in agreement through hasty bites.
"Thank you! And yes, we have about half a pot left over," she said, wiping her mouth.
Echo squeezed her hand beneath the table, whispering, "Almost as tasty as you, angel."
She blushed so that she matched the tomato sauce and leant on his shoulder, murmuring, "You're pretty flirty today. Any particular reason?"
He shrugged, "I don't know. You always make me this way."
"What way?" she asked demurely.
His eyes twinkled merrily as he winked, "Awestruck and cheesy, and pretty much reverent."
"Interesting. I could say the same about the way you make me."
His smile was wide and goofy, cheeks pinking with pleasure, and he wisely dropped his gaze back to his food, inhaling the last few bites before standing. "Anyone else need a refill?"
"Oh, I can—"
"—no, just sit and eat, Ella. I'm perfectly capable of refilling a few bowls of pasta," Echo insisted, giving her hand a parting kiss before gathering up the bowls and heading to the stove.
Tech sighed, "You do make him happy, Ella," he admitted. "I can't begrudge you much."
She smiled understandingly, "I know we're pretty clingy and mushy, Tech. It isn't unreasonable for you to be a bit… put off."
He shrugged, "I was just overly hungry."
She raised a disbelieving eyebrow.
He caved, "Fine. I'm a little… jealous, to be honest. I mean, you and Echo are so happy together, only a fool wouldn't envy that."
"It's okay, Tech. I know what you mean. I felt the same way about Galene and Kix before you came back with Echo. They were so happy together, and I kept remembering how that used to be me and Echo, and I'd feel all twisted up inside because I was so happy for her, but I was almost resentful because I missed that. I missed him. So much it physically hurt sometimes."
Tech patted her hand, "Then you're not annoyed at me?"
She shook her head, "Not at all. And I promise to try not to be overly gushy around y'all. You're my friend, and I don't want to rub anything in."
Hunter grinned, "We saw some pretty girls on the mission."
"Oh, yeah!" Wrecker exclaimed, accepting his bowl from Echo. "About three of 'em, sitting out and sunnin'!"
Crosshair smirked, "One of them asked for my digits."
"Did you give her them?" Ella asked, leaning against her husband's shoulder.
He nodded. "Yup! We'll see where it goes."
"They were pretty girls," Tech admitted. "Wayta, Nakia, and Azari, I think."
"What were they like?" Ella asked.
"Two were blondes and had purple eyes," Echo remembered. "The other one had red hair and very colorful eyes; one was half purple half teal, and the other was gold and silver swirled."
"She asked you for your number!" Wrecker guffawed.
Ella swallowed, a hint of possessiveness entering her heart. Echo was hers. No one else was supposed to claim him.
But what if he thought she was prettier than me? I mean, I don't have eyes like that. Just plain brown. And my hair isn't bright and fiery like hers. She probably has a way better figure.
"Ella? You okay?" Hunter asked.
She nodded, forcing a smile, "I'm fine."
"Did you hear anything we just said?" Tech asked knowingly.
She shrugged. "I'm gonna go shower off. Y'all probably should too after you're done."
"Why'd you let us eat dirty?" Crosshair asked.
She snickered, "Because I know boys. I could hear your stomachs growling from the next galaxy! And I might be a clean freak, but I'm not cruel."
"Thank the Maker for that!" Wrecker mumbled loudly.
Ella smiled and quickly washed her dishes, then retreated to her bathroom, turning the shower on and stripping out of her leggings and sweater, standing before the floor length mirror and studying herself.
She felt so plain and rather uninteresting. Just plain brown.
What a boring color. Why can't I be like her?
Sighing heavily she was about to step into the shower and be rid of her reflection, when another sight stopped her.
She'd ordered a brand new box of pregnancy tests, better ones this time that had more accurate results. The box sat, unopened, on the sink.
With shaking hands she reached towards it, and opened it quickly, taking out one stick.
After following the instructions, she waited until the test beeped, hoping, praying that this time she would get the results she so desperately craved.
The little device beeped and she turned it over, counted to three, and looked at it.
Her heart sank as the words 'not pregnant' stared up at her.
Biting her lip, she pulled the no's box out of the cabinet. There were so many negative tests in there, all of them seeming too jeer at her as she dropped yet another to join them.
Not pregnant.
Tears filled her eyes and she sniffled, curling up and wrapping her arms around her stomach almost protectively, letting her head fall to her knees as she cried.
Empty. Barren. Useless. You can't make him happy. You can't make his dream come true. He's always going to secretly be resenting you for not giving him that joy.
At these thoughts she let out a heartbroken sob, wishing that things could've been different, asking why it had to be this way.
Then the door opened.
•~§~•
As soon as his wife left the room, Echo stood up, finishing his food quickly before hurriedly scrubbing and drying them. Something wasn't right.
Ella was hurt. That much he was sure of; and he was fairly certain he'd had something to do with it.
What did I do? he wondered. Everything had been going so well, what was it that set her off?
"Is she okay?" Tech asked worriedly as he scrubbed the pot beside him.
Ella's husband shrugged, "I don't think so, and I'm not sure what happened."
"I think I know," Wrecker admitted. "We were talking about the girls."
"She's never been upset by that before," Echo shook his head.
"That's because you never commented," Crosshair declared. "I think she's self-conscious."
Oh. Duh.
"I gotta go make sure she's okay," Echo said, sweeping the dust into the dustpan and dispensing it into the garbage. "Do y'all mind?"
Hunter waved him off, "Go on, lover boy. We've got this. Just make sure she's alright."
"And get a shower," Tech suggested pointedly.
Echo held up his hands in surrender, "Okay, okay, I get it, but for the record you don't exactly smell like a rose either!"
The genius just smirked, "Well, wise guy, I smell a great deal better than you!"
Echo just rolled his eyes and left before anyone could start comparing each other's odors.
The shower was running when he entered the room, shedding his dirty armor quickly and piling it in the plastic tub he had for it, then went to the door.
For a moment hesitated. Maybe she'd rather shower alone and he should wait.
But then he heard another noise that broke his heart.
She was crying.
His beautiful, amazing, sweet wife was sobbing her heart out in the bathroom alone.
He felt horrible. But more importantly, he was determined not to let her feel so upset anymore.
So he opened the door and was met with the sight of her sitting naked on the floor, her back against the wall, and a box full of white sticks to her left.
The heck are those?
Then he saw the newly-opened package on the sink and realized what they were.
The box was almost overflowing with pregnancy tests, and from the looks of it and his lack of knowledge, they were all negative.
Kneeling down before, he took her into his arms and kissed her temple. "Darling… what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
She shook her head, "It's just… I'm sorry!"
Sorry?
"Why? What are you sorry about? I don't understand?"
She sniffled, "I'm not pretty like her, and my hair is just brown, and I don't have colorful eyes, they're just plain and—"
"—what? Ella, why do you want to be like her?"
"Because she's beautiful in an interesting way, and I'm just… I'm just boring brown!" She said this with a bitter note that shocked him. Ella wasn't a bitter person.
"Ella, you are not uninteresting or boring at all!"
"But wouldn't you like it if I had eyes like hers and red hair?" she sobbed. "I could be pretty then."
He shook his head, "Oh, Ella. I won't lie, she was pretty. Beautiful even. But not my definition of beautiful. And I'm not gonna lie, being offered her number was satisfying - it made me feel like I still got it. But that was all."
She sniffled. "So… you don't want me to be like her?"
He chuckled, "I wouldn't change you, how you look or how you are, for anything in the world. I told you once that you define beauty to me. That hasn't changed. I absolutely adore you."
"But my hair… my eyes…"
"Listen," he said. "Your eyes are not like hers, and that is how it should be. I love your eyes because while her colors are separated, yours are made into one. Brown isn't the absence of color, but the mixture of many. Your eyes hold whole galaxies in them, while hers, while unique, can only sample parts of planets. And your hair… did I ever tell you how I was tempted to eat it once to see if it tasted like chocolate?"
"You were?" she asked, warmth coming back into her voice. She looked up at him vulnerably.
He nodded, "It has always been so beautiful to me. And like your eyes, it's a mixture of other colors too. And Ella, her hair was pin-straight. I love your curls. They're like you. Bouncy and luscious and full of life."
"You really think so?"
He nodded and kissed the crown of her head, "Absolutely. Ella, no one can compare to you in my eyes. You are so much more beautiful to me than any girl with different colored eyes, or more in her hips or less. I love you just the way you are."
She gave him a watery smile.
"Now, care to tell me what all this is?" he sighed, knowing that that beautiful smile wasn't likely to stick.
He was right, for two tears slipped down either rosy cheek and her lip quivered.
"It's… it's useless," she said, words cracking over broken syllables.
"What is?" he asked patiently.
She sighed and covered her face, "I can't have kids! Look at all of them! They're all negative and I'm never going to have another pregnancy!"
"Hey!" he cut in sharply but gently, taking her hands from her face and kissing the pained tears. "How often have you taken these tests?"
"Almost every day," she whispered so quietly he almost didn't hear.
He shook his head, "First of all, that's not okay. You're torturing yourself with this. And this? Why'd you save all these? It's not helpful, darling, and it will only hurt you more."
"But Echo—"
"—no," he said firmly. "No more. I will not let you do this to yourself. I love you too much for you to continue."
"But I just want to…"
"I know, and just because you haven't found out you were pregnant since September does not mean it's useless to believe in a chance. Angel, if I'm correct, most couples try for much longer than we have before getting results," he whispered.
"But I got pregnant just missing one day of taking the pill, and we'd only been married a short while."
"That was a lucky occurrence, darling. That doesn't always happen; not most of the time," he reminded. "Look. I love that you want kids. I do too. But not at the cost of you feeling like this when we don't get immediate results. So we're not going to worry anymore, okay?"
She hesitated, then nodded slowly. "I… I'll try."
"And we're not taking any more tests until you have a solid reason to believe that you are pregnant. Okay?"
She nodded again. "Okay."
"And I'm taking the box. We're not holding onto those. They don't count, and I'm not going to let you harvest negative feedback."
"Alright." She sighed. "So what now?"
He grinned, "Now, I'm gonna take off this stinky, sweat-logged body glove off, and we're going to get in that shower and get clean, and then we're going to go lay down and cuddle until we fall asleep. And we are going to be happy just being together, regardless of what happens. Okay?"
She smiled brightly, and he was taken away to a magical place all over again at the sight. How was he so lucky as to have her as his wife, and to truly be loved by her? It was a miracle he'd forever cherish.
"Can I help you with your blacks?" she asked, hand going to the zipper at the back of his neck and slowly dragging it down his spine.
He smirked, "Careful. You're starting a fire that might not be able to be put out."
She winked, "Then let it burn."
Standing up he gathered her into his arms and set her on her feet beneath the spray, peeling off the dirty glove and depositing it neatly in a pile in the corner.
Steam rose around him as he stepped in, soaking his hair beneath the warm spray. Tension drained from his shoulders, and he leaned back as two graceful arms wrapped around his waist from behind.
Turning, he cradled her head against his heart, grinning as she lathered up her hands and gliding them over his skin, leaving soapy entrails in a mysterious pattern behind them. She fairly burned him and with every touch, and he wondered if the steam wasn't rising from his own flesh, sizzling before vaporizing.
Lifting his hands to her sculpted shoulder blades, he ran his hands down and across her ribs and spine. She made a small noise of enjoyment and kissed the meeting of his collarbones, marking a trail of heat up and over his corded muscles and overlapping one of the pulsing veins of his jugular.
"Maker, you're gorgeous," he breathed against her ear. "I can't get enough of you."
She hummed and slid her hands up to card through his hair, bringing her lips across one cheek to meld with his panting mouth, relaxing her electric body against his own. Echo was sure that she must feel his heart thrumming in his chest like the wings on a hummingbird.
Ella stood on her tiptoes, breaking away from the searing kiss to reach over his shoulder and pump shampoo into her palm, scrubbing it together until it formed suds.
"Let me," she whispered, her voice holding an almost smoky edge.
He nodded and sat down to help her reach his head easier. Though he didn't mind at all, their eight inch height difference sometimes made things difficult. He couldn't wish for anything else, though. It was too cute to see her get on tiptoes. And he did so love picking her up.
Ella's hands worked magic on his hair, and he soon became addicted to the feeling of her fingernails scraping across his scalp with gentleness but subtle strength. Her lips hovered around his left shoulder, dipping occasionally to kiss his neck and the shell of his ear. It did nothing to increase his self control.
Finally she rinsed out the shampoo and began on the conditioner, this taking slightly less long.
"Ella…" he whispered, turning to capture her wandering lips.
She smiled slyly, and, understanding his chaste plea, forewent her advances and turned instead to wash herself off.
Watching her… was just as torturous. And she knew it too.
Sighing, he rinsed off and came to stand behind her, kissing the nape of her neck to the little dip in her graceful collarbones.
"Don't take too long," he whispered huskily, then retreated, towelling off before stalking into his room and grabbing the tight tee shirt she always seemed to like and grey sweatpants. Returning before she could finish up, he grabbed up the negative test box and hurried down the hall.
"Where's the fire, Corporal?" Hunter asked, poking his head out of the communal bathroom.
He sighed, "I need to get rid of this. Immediately."
The sergeant's eyes widened. "What are they?"
He shook his head, "Nothing bad. I mean, not like spice or anything like that. No weapons. Just… they're hurting Ella. I can't let her keep them."
"What are they, Echo?" he repeated, more softly. "I won't say anything. I'm just… I'm just concerned."
Echo sighed, "Tests."
"Pregnancy tests?"
He nodded. "She… they're all negative and she was just… it's toxic for her to keep saving them. She's already torn up enough."
Hunter nodded sadly, understanding rising. "Pour them in the trash in here. She never comes in here, and I'm emptying this tomorrow. Gone for good."
"Great. Thanks. Um, could you put these in a safe place though?" he handed him the box of new unused ones. "I don't want to waste them, and she could need them soon. I just don't want her using them until she's sure."
"That's wise. You're handling this pretty well, I must say."
Echo shrugged, "I just love her and I don't want her to hurt, emotionally or physically."
Hunter grinned. "Ok. The boys and I are bunking up now. See you tomorrow?"
"Got it. See you then. And thank you."
"Anytime. Thanks for telling me."
Echo nodded, then smiled, heading back to his room where his wife was waiting.
What a rollercoaster day, he thought as he turned the handle.
•~§~•
Later that evening, Ella basked in the sweet warmth that was her husband, hands lazily chartering new roads across his body as he did the same.
It was nice to just be here in each other's arms. It didn't have to be passionate. Just something like this was enough.
"I thought about you all the time there," he spoke adoringly, breath hot upon her shoulder. "I was so worried about you."
"Me?" she parroted dumbly. "Why me? I wasn't the one in captivity and being abused all the time."
"I didn't know if you were safe," he explained. "I didn't know if you were alive. Sometimes I'd have nightmares of them bringing you in and hurting you, or killing you in front of me. I couldn't do anything to protect you."
"Echo…" she sighed, kissing the skin above his deep and precious heart.
"I wouldn't be able to do anything if they had taken you, Ella," he fretted. "I hated it there, but my worst nightmare is that this is all a dream, or worse still, that you're there with me and I'm helpless to protect you."
"This is real," she confirmed. "And we are both safe."
He sighed, "I… I know that, it's just…"
"You can't fully accept it yet," Ella finished.
He nodded. "I'm sorry."
"For not knowing if this is real?" she asked in shock. "Darling, I expected that."
"You did?"
She bit back a sigh at his surprise. "Yes. Echo, you have been through a traumatic experience. It's unrealistic and unreasonable for you to expect to feel perfectly safe right away."
"But I want to," he insisted pitifully.
She took his hand, kissing each of his knuckles. "I want you to as well, but not for any selfish reason or feeling burdened. I know you still struggle with that."
He ducked his head, unable to answer.
"Hey," she slid her fingers up to stroke his cheek lovingly. "I love you. I only want you to be safe and feel safe because I know how hard it is not to. I know how much you want to. Whyever would I not want you to feel safe and free? How unloving would that be?"
He shook his head, "I'm not sure of much, but I am sure of this: I love you, I trust you, and I know wherever I am, the Maker is with me. He has a good plan and a purpose for me. Plans to give me hope and a future. I know that I'll be with you no matter what."
"Know this as well," she added. "Being your wife is the best thing to ever happen to me. Loving you is the easiest most natural thing for me to do. Walking beside you is made worthwhile because I know that I couldn't really live walking without you. I've done it. I hated it. And however long you live, however long it takes for you to finally feel safe, I will still be there."
"I feel safe right now," he whispered. "Moments like this… it's easy to feel safe. You make me feel safe. You feel like home to me."
They said no more with words, but kissed deeply and held one another close, unwilling to be parted even for a minute. And when they fell asleep, they dreamt of nothing, but just remained peaceful knowing that they were together.
