love

"I love you, Harvey," she says then turns, walking out of his office door, and down the hall, leaving him shell shocked.

She doesn't turn around, doesn't look back to see if his eyes are glued to her form. She can sense him, she's always been able to feel his eyes on her, even when he didn't know she was paying attention.

As she makes her retreat, she feels her stomach turn into knots. This, this thing she's doing, leaving him, it hurts. She always said she would never leave him and really she isn't, she's just moving down the hall, but for all intents and purposes she is leaving him. Well, she's left him.

She care barely catch her breath as she turns the corner, grabbing her things and making her way to the elevator. She feels the tears prick at the corner of her eyes and she just really wants this goddamn elevator to arrive already because she knows she's going to lose it but she can't lose it here, not in the lobby, not in front of his name on the wall that she helped him achieve.

Finally, after what feels like forever, the elevator arrives, and she steps into it and reaches for the first floor, pushing the button in and trying to get her breathing back and then she just can't take it. She reaches up and hits the emergency stop button, halting the elevator between floors and she collapses.

She falls to the floor, hitting her knees and folding them under her and she cries. She cries for all the missed opportunities and all the work they did together and all the can opener moments and all the love she has for him. She may be the one leaving but the ties are still there, the love is still there.

She lets the tears fall, let's the hurt for all the things she wants but can never have take over her, and she just sobs.

Finally, after moments upon moments of barely breathing and gasping through tears, she collects herself, gathering the courage to stand up, and presses the emergency button yet again to start the lift. Wiping her eyes, she picks her purse up off the floor, takes several calming breaths and finally settles enough to exit the opening doors as they arrive to the elevator bank downstairs.

Walking swiftly, she pushes through the glass doors, breathing in the night air and decides that she's walking home tonight. She needs the wind to whip through her hair and cut through the emotions that feel like they break her in half.

Tonight, she'll go home and tomorrow she'll start living her new reality, without him, hoping that the consequences she has to face won't swallow her whole.