"Thank you all for coming," Atago said in the wide open space she slept in; the 2nd floor of the dormitory, reserved for the Sakura.
Though it was afternoon, not much light was filtering through the transparent doors.
That set a sleepy mood for the whole room. Of course, some people were sleeping, but it was also a little bit noisy because of chatter, and just as many shipgirls were on their phones, laptops or other devices, nothing but the blue light from their screens to illuminate them.
It was a little noisy but not too noisy. It was just the right level for them to be able to talk at normal pitches, but it's just that they had to watch their voices so as not to get too loud and unnecessarily wake someone up who may have had insufficient sleep last night.
Laffey was taking a nap here for some reason.
Now Atago had initially suggested doing this in the morning, but Takao had insisted that training should always be the first thing to work on everyday.
Really, what an unnecessarily serious girl.
To her left was Choukai. To her right was Jean. To her front, Maya.
To her back was, following the pattern, a flat-screen TV she had procured from the city.
It had not been very hard at all to get it and carry it all the way back here.
The little thing felt like it weighed a pebble under her superhuman strength.
And it was a good thing that this building was modernized so that there were sockets in every room. That made it possible to plug this thing into power.
"You're welcome," Choukai clapped her hands together. "So… Why are we here?"
"I'm sure that you are no doubt wondering why I have called you all here," Atago started as Takao and Maya gave her confused and suspicious looks and Choukai seemed vaguely uncomfortable.
"The truth is, I need your help with something," she ventured.
"I see. Please, tell us what needs to be done so we can get it done as soon as possible. And what's with that TV?"
Takao replied wholeheartedly, then questioned the TV wholeheartedly as well.
But there were things that one should and shouldn't rush into.
She had to ease her sisters into this serious, sensitive business that could determine the state of her stay here.
"Shh. Sh. No need to be so hasty, Takao. I'll get to that in time, but first, let me explain what this is all about."
She exhaled.
"Lately, I have been feeling very uncomfortable around the Commander."
Maya and Choukai hummed audibly in surprise, and Takao punched her palm hard and aggressively.
"Is there a problem?"
"No, no, no. It has nothing to do with him - I mean - he hasn't done anything to make me feel comfortable."
Though Atago fumbled with her words a bit there, she shushed her obedient little sister, whose brows furrowed in reply but who complied nonetheless.
"Let me start from the beginning," she said, laying the grounds for the explaining that she was about to do.
That's right. In order to give the full explanation, she had to start from the beginning. Then she should squeeze some input from these little ones along the way to get their opinions before the main consultation.
"Some time ago, we switched Commanders. Our old Commander moved and was swapped for a new one."
Choukai visibly brightened in response to that. Takao forced a look of grimness and muttered, "He will be missed."
It was necessary to start the story here in order to provide all the context.
"Our new Commander picked me for his secretary, and because of that we started spending time everyday together, almost all day," she explained.
That's right. It was only natural because of what the duty of the secretary was, but they ended up being together very often because of it.
She had read about a study that said that people who spend more time with each other were more likely to fall in love with each other, and idly wondered if that was the case with her.
Her siblings were listening attentively, so she continued.
"I toured him around the base on his first day, saw him regularly every morning, ate with him, followed him, and there was even that one time we went to the mall together with you guys, remember?"
"Ah, yeah." Takao fisted her open palm. "That's right. The movie we saw that day was pretty good. Kimi no Ba Wa?"
Maya grinned. "Ah, yeah. That was really good. Baki and Bitsuha were so cute together."
Choukai sent her a funny look and said, "Ah, and you can't forget our time at the clothes shop afterwards."
Atago twitched a little bit.
Cheeky brat.
She coughed to get the attention of her siblings, to which they politely complied.
"Anyway," she continued, "to make a long story short, I started becoming more… aware of him in some sense."
Takao tilted her head. "Aware? Like, peripheral vision? Like how you're aware of everybody in case they try to attack you?"
Maya nodded sagely. "Yeah, seems like it…"
"Please, let me finish. I mean aware as in… he would catch my eye more often, you see."
She put it in simpler terms for them to understand.
"Hm? What does that mean?" Takao turned to Choukai for some reason.
"I think she means that he became… brighter? Because you look at bright things a lot," she said.
"Ah. Makes sense. Thanks."
If it were Choukai she should have already known for a long time what was happening here.
Was there some kind of conspiracy between these three to make this meeting as long and troublesome for her as possible?
"No… I mean, aware as in… I would see his face, and my heartbeat would quicken."
Maya gasped. "High blood pressure!?"
Takao gasped too. "Oh, no! Sister! We should get you in a hospital immediately!"
Wait. If it were really high blood pressure, she would be concerned.
Sure there were no recorded cases of shipgirls having illnesses by virtue of having biologies equipped with guns that had huge barrels attached to them.
"...Are you guys idiots? It's like that movie we watched last time," she spelled it out for them.
"...Ah." Takao nodded. She seemed to understand perfectly. "Who are you? Commander?"
"You do a very good job of acting as big sis," said Choukai.
"The point I was getting at," she explained with immovable patience though her voice was slightly raised, "was that I feel like I've gotten feelings for the Commander."
That made a few ships around the room give her strange looks.
Now it wasn't just Choukai, but Takao and Maya who were grinning smugly at her.
Oh my goodness that was so embarrassing-
She coughed loudly in an attempt to disperse the attention. That was the cue for everyone to more or less return to whatever they were doing.
"But I'm not sure yet," she expounded while making sure that her voice wasn't easily heard. "I… I don't even know why I would feel this way towards him. Sure, he's kind and dependable, but… I don't know. I've never felt this way before. It's a whole new world for me. And I don't think it's ever really happened before, either." Atago let her ears droop.
That's right. From her first breath up to now, she had had no experience in this area at all. It's not like there were many males around to have them with because they were all shipgirls and she didn't swing that way.
Still, there was also the fact that she had never heard of a relationship like theirs before. Was it even okay? Was it, like… if she would take a dog to be her husband or something? Or was it that way for him? What would the world think?
What would he think?
Silence.
"Sis…"
That was her cue to continue and explain what exactly they were doing here.
"So you see," she explained, "That's why I've called you all here today. To help me understand what I'm feeling and how to deal with it properly. And what better way to do that than through research?"
Atago let a smile through, picked up a phone-to-USB cable that she had bought while she was getting the TV, and plugged her phone to the TV.
"Research?" Choukai tilted her head. "What kind of research?"
"We're going to see how people act like when they're in love and see if I can relate. That way we can see if I'm right about this, and how to deal with it properly," she explained.
"This sounds like an escape," muttered Maya with narrowed eyes.
"Okay, let's start-!"
AN: The following scenes may not be accurate to the source material they're modelled after. In fact, they aren't so you won't have to be spoiled. Besides, I don't remember the exact lines
CASE STUDY 1: RENT-A-FRIEND
"B-Bizuhara…! There's no choice, I have to commit CPR! Itadakimasu!"
"Hmmm…" Atago stroked her chin sagely at the screen.
"Sister, don't you think Bazuya looks like he's having too much fun over there?"
"No, no, let me think… What would you do in a situation like that - assuming that Shikikan was drowning and unconscious?"
The thoughts that surfaced for her to answer that question were embarrassing. She played with her hair.
But this wasn't the time to be embarrassed. This was the time for answers.
She observed her sisters' answers closely.
Takao punched her palm hard and aggressively. "I think it'd be best to punch him in the gut so he'd spit out all the water right away."
"A-Are you sure about that?"
She furrowed her brows. "Atago, I don't feel like it either, but I will do what must be done."
She sighed.
Maya continued. "What kind of admiral would drown when we're not even at war?"
"Ah… That makes sense…" Atago conceded.
"Do CPR, of course," Choukai answered.
She seemed to be the most mature of them in the strangest of times.
As Choukai said, Atago would commit CPR, mouth-to-mouth edition, because there was no other thing to do.
But would she do it because she had to do it or because she needed and wanted to do it?
The beating of her heart gave her the answer.
It was time for the next clip.
CASE STUDY 2: LOVE IS BAR
"There is a clearly defined relationship between two lovers! The one who controls, and the one who is being controlled! The one who obeys, and the one who is obeyed!"
"Hm… That sounds like us, yeah…"
"No, no, no. This seems like a very immature, unrealistic and implausible view of love, and it doesn't take much experience at all to realize that," said Choukai.
Could it be that they were already in a relationship without her knowing it?
"Love is War! And the one who falls in love loses!"
Takao was stroking her chin sagely. "I see. So even that is a battle. As expected, life is just a never-ending battle." She nodded to herself, as if she was reaffirming her entire world view based on an anime.
"He~. I don't know about this one, Atago." said Maya. "Atago?"
Could it be that… I've lost the war before it's even begun…!?
"Hey, Atago. Come on, snap out of it."
CASE STUDY 3: BLASTROOM OF THE ELITE
"Ichiyesse, blasting your feelings through to someone isn't an easy thing. You spend every day in anguish, yet you still can't explode. The words "I love you" hang in your throat, and you can't seem to blow them out. I think her earnest feelings deserve a proper kaboom, don't you?"
Atago gulped. What the explosive Bayanokouji was saying was completely true. She could imagine the anguish and tension of living every single day in indecision, hanging around the line of "I'll confess" and "I can't confess".
She earnestly hoped that her existence wouldn't become such a sad thing.
"What's up with this language…"
CASE STUDY 4: NISEBOI
"Why can't I be honest with myself…!?"
Niseboi, the blonde-haired protagonist with a ribbon in his hair, banged the ground in frustration.
Is this some sort of personal attack? No, no. First I should establish that I'm actually being dishonest with myself, and to do that I need to establish my feelings first.
It's not like I'm being dishonest with myself, idiot!
"Wow. That boi has issues. How hard can it be to be honest with yourself," asked Takao.
Her words felt like a spear through her chest. Guh!
"Yeah," Maya said in agreement. Guh!
Choukai gave her a sympathetic look. "It has to be hard dealing with tough feelings like that, but I'm sure that he'll overcome them and get the girl."
…
In the end, they watched anime from afternoon all the way to late at night. Some other IJN ships and even some other ships from other floors joined since they stood out so well, what with their flat screen TV playing anime. The others didn't seem to mind falling asleep to it, either.
CASE STUDY 5: Bard Art Online
"Bassuna," said Birito as he got down on one knee and began to play a serenade. "Will you marry me?"
"Oh… How sweet!" Atago squealed.
"This premise has been strange from the beginning. I haven't seen any bard-themed video games get popular and certainly not any bard-themed RPGs, but it's sweet," said Long Island, the resident NEET authority on the subject.
I wanna be proposed to someday, thought Atago in her half-asleep mind.
An image of a certain man came to mind for the nth time today, and just from that she knew that she was aware of how she was really feeling on some level.
He had always been coming to his mind, and it reminded her of the spies that she had often seen and heard about in popular media and culture. Just individual people that infiltrate and threaten a whole society.
It was similar to how little, individual thoughts about him; thoughts that seemed so insignificant, seemed to amount to so much in how disarrayed they were making her.
But she needed more time to really make certain, she thought to herself.
Then she could make a verdict and follow up on it.
There were still many things she didn't know yet, like why she felt like this, how she would go about confessing if it were true, and if she even wanted to confess or leave their relationship like it was.
And as the blue light from the TV was the only thing left illuminating the room, her eyes that had been reflecting that light for the past few hours had begun to grow droopy and tired, although she would often boast that she had confidence in her eyesight.
There was a limit to these things, after all. She had many things to find out about her feelings still, but that was a problem for tomorrow, and tomorrow's problems should be left for tomorrow's Atago.
"Good night…"
"Hm? Alright, good night, Atago." Long Island seemed to whisper something that sounded an awful lot like "weak" as she turned back to the screen.
"Phew, it's hot…"
It was, as she had been saying, very hot today.
So hot, in fact, that she had decided to go to a nearby ice cream shop to relieve her heat, sisters in tow.
How hot she was feeling probably had nothing to do with the fact that the Commander hadn't contacted or seen her at all and it was already noon time.
But if there were an effect, she'd have said that it felt a little bit cold.
Anyway, there she was; Atago visiting an ice cream shop on a short trip. A little journey, a tiny excursion, if you would call it. The purpose of which was to get ice cream.
Now, she had had ice cream a few times before, and those few times were good occasions, she would say.
She was pretty mature if she said so herself, with no kiddy qualities and no need for anyone to pamper her, and so she didn't particularly like ice cream so much. But it was good, and it was cold - just what she needed for this weather.
Of course, she had also been planning to leave once she had gotten her ice cream so that she could eat the ice cream on her way back to the base, making her feel cold enough to bear the excruciating heat.
Atago was thinking such thoughts as she crossed the threshold from the streets to the inside of the ice cream shop.
The first thing she noticed was that the people, though few, were smiling. The employees behind the counter seemed to be joking about something as they were talking and laughing to each other, and there were a few people who held their cheeks in satisfaction at how good the ice cream was.
Their smiles brought a ghost of a smile to her face.
Then she noticed a poster on the wall and scanned it. It didn't take more than a second to ascertain that it was the same poster that she had been seeing all across town.
It was a poster detailing the location of the stalls for the New Year's Festival, and at 12am there would be a nice, big fireworks show that was used for the main picture of the poster.
It happened every year, and it was just around the corner.
The image of fireworks brought up only good memories, and she was excited to see them again this year.
The idea of seeing them with a certain someone this year also made her feel good.
Of course, if she noticed that much she would inevitably notice another certain presence in the establishment.
"Oh, hi Atago," said Prinz Eugen who had stood up and approached her. "What a coincidence to see you here, in a place like this. I just saw the Commander here the other day. We had a nice chat."
"Ah. Is that so? Good."
It was Prinz Eugen of the Iron Bloods.
Atago had nothing against any of her fellow shipgirls, no matter which group they were from. They were all sisters after all, and they only had each other in this world where nobody else was quite like them.
Consequently, she took it upon herself to act as a big sister for many of them, not limited to the ones in IJN. It seemed that people of small stature - that is to say the destroyers - were attracted to her tall stature. Perhaps she exuded something motherly. Even Z23 from the Iron Bloods would hug her sometimes.
Everyone in Azur Lane ate together, bathed together, and even slept together. They lived life together, and so there was no reason to be antagonistic to one another. That was why she had absolutely no grudge against anyone.
But Prinz Eugen teasing her the other day was a little bit off-putting, if she were to be honest. If she were to be even more honest, she wished she hadn't done that.
And if herself from the future would be honest, she would thank Prinz for having done that, but that was a story for another day.
Now, perhaps because her reply was so short and noncommittal, or perhaps because she wasn't smiling, Eugen seemed to pick up on something.
"Hm~? What's this~? Could it be… that you're holding a grudge against me for the other day when I teased you and Commander being together?"
Prinz put a hand on her lip and her other hand on her hip as she smiled.
This girl in particular always seemed to have a knack for reading others' thoughts, and it unnerved her a little bit.
She had a similar proclivity, but while she tried to use it to nurture as much as she could, Prinz seemed to be using it to tease and get reactions as much as she could.
Her future self would get along with her just fine, though…
Everything else aside, she should be honest right now. If she were not honest now, that would make her too dishonest for her tastes.
There's already something else I maybe haven't been honest about...
"Honestly, yeah. That was a bit uncalled for, Prinz." She puffed her cheeks and crossed her arms in a menacing posture designed to strike fear and repentance into the other party.
Prinz gave an awkward laugh. "Sorry. I won't do it again…" She looked at her eyes. "Unless you want me to?"
"W-What do you mean?" Atago shivered as if she felt something watching her; as if she felt a yellow-eyed tiger named Prinz Eugen watching her.
Eugen smiled in a way that showed off all her teeth. They looked predatory more than anything else right now.
"You know, I read somewhere that couples like being teased. I thought it might be the same here."
She closed their distance in an instant and delivered an electrifying blow. So electrifying, in fact, that Atago was still shaking off the steam that generated in her head.
"I'm… not sure what you're implying…" Atago was trying to do damage control but the damage had already been dealt.
Prinz laughed to herself, a fufufu sound that reverberated gently. But that gentle noise right now felt that the wind itself was mocking her; as if it had turned into a typhoon, hit her hard, and softly left just as suddenly.
Atago sighed.
That seemed to catch Prinz Eugen's attention.
Prinz Eugen's attention seemed to remind Prinz Eugen of something, causing her to raise an eyebrow.
"Ah. By the way, leaving that aside for now, I heard that you and the Commander haven't been seen together lately. Is anything wrong?"
Just as much as the serpent poisoned and constricted its prey with utmost malice, Prinz Eugen's eyes radiated with genuine concern for her fellow.
There seems to be some kind of solidarity tying all of us together, Atago mused.
Good on her that she can act so kind even after teasing her like that.
Atago smiled because of that. "No, it's just that I've decided to take a break."
Prinz's eyes seemed to radiate with even more concern. "What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?"
Atago instinctually looked away. "Um, it's not that I'm not feeling well. Or I guess you could say that I'm not feeling well. I've been feeling… strange lately, and I don't know what to do about it."
Prinz's eyes seemed to radiate with something more than concern. "Oh~? Why don't you tell me about it as we get some ice cream?"
She would like that. It never hurt to get it out of your system. "Sure. Are you going to stay here for your ice cream or go back to the base?"
Prinz hummed in thought for just a second. "I'm going to stay here. I'll meet back up with my friends at the arcade after I'm done," she explained.
Spending time with her friends, which Atago would call family, was another plus in her books.
They approached the cashier. It was a small woman.
"Hello, may I take your order?"
"I'll have a mint," Atago picked.
"Chocolate cone."
"Coming right up."
They paid the cash upfront, accepted the receipt and change and went to sit down. The ice cream would be delivered to a part of the counter from which they would retrieve it.
They sat on stools stationed at a counter against the window.
Doing so gave them a good view of the town's hustle and bustle as everyone moved like well-geared parts of a machine.
But that wasn't what Atago was about to talk about. She was about to practically confess to Prinz Eugen.
No, that didn't sound right - she was about to confess her feelings for a guy to Prinz Eugen. She should be prepared for relentless teasing.
Though the good points she had just shown, though limited, provided her assurance that she wouldn't take anything too far.
"So," Atago started. "I've been feeling weird around Shikikan."
"Oh-ho~? What kind of weird?" Prinz's eyes narrowed and lips curved in the very definition of smug. All that was left was for her to put her palm against her mouth and the picture would be complete.
"The type you see in romances. Romantic feelings, I believe," Atago said.
Prinz actually did what she was imagining she would do and giggled as she covered her mouth with her palm like a sheltered rich girl.
Atago allowed her expression to darken. "It's just… I feel so confused. Why do I even feel this way? Should I confess? What kind of relationship do I want? It's just so many questions and I've never experienced this before."
"Ice cream for Atago and Prinz Eugen!"
"I'll get it," Prinz took the initiative to take their food, letting Atago simmer in thought.
Were her feelings even valid? Where would they end up?
Prinz returned in no time.
"Thanks."
"No problem. Anyway, please continue."
"Right. By the way, have you heard of us watching a bunch of anime in the IJN dorm last night?" Atago lead Prinz's thoughts.
"Yeah," she nodded and took a bite of her ice cream.
"That was my idea. I was trying to understand my feelings more."
Prinz smiled, nodded and chewed. "From TV shows? Hahaha."
Her laugh wasn't mocking or scorning. It was a good-natured gentle one, and Atago felt inclined to laugh with her.
"Yeah. But I'm no closer to any of these answers than I've started."
Atago let the tips of her ears fall as she softly lamented her state of confusion.
Prinz hummed thoughtfully and took another bite of her ice cream.
"Well, if you're so lost about it I can try to help you by answering your questions. Be warned, though, I'm not an expert." She chewed.
Atago's eyes brightened. "You'd do that for me? Thanks a lot!"
Prinz smiled back.
Alright. It was time to start.
"Why do I feel this way? Where are these feelings coming from? Are they really even… love? Like the baby-making kind?"
"Easy there. Let's take them one-by-one."
"Sorry, I just feel so lost…"
"It's fine. Where do they come from? I don't know. It's just that one day you started seeing him like that, right?"
Atago nodded as Prinz looked at her for confirmation. It was exactly as she said. She woke up one day and she had these feelings, and as time went on they grew stronger and stronger until she felt like her heart was exploding and asked for a break.
"Yeah. You're right. I guess they just came naturally."
"Yeah." Prinz was chewing on her ice cream while Atago had barely touched her green mint.
She resolved to eat her mint from now on, but not before asking another question.
"Well… How do I know that these are the real thing?" She asked as she started to take a bite from her mint ice cream.
"Real thing, huh? What is the real thing, I wonder?"
"It's the type of thing that gets people married, gets them to have children, and gets them to die together of old age," Atago supplied.
Eugen gave a thoughtful hum.
"But don't many couples that get married nowadays divorce soon after?"
Atago nodded. That was true, too.
"So… If it were real they would stay together. I guess there's your answer."
Atago furrowed her eyebrows. "So, like, if the feelings never fade?"
If that were the case maybe she should wait 6 months and then confess.
Eugen, too, furrowed her eyebrows. "I guess the feeling part is important. But I also think that that permanence is important, probably more so."
She chewed her chocolate ice cream thoughtfully as Atago chewed her mint ice cream thoughtfully.
"So," she delivered her conclusion. "You could say that the permanence part in and of itself is love."
Atago chewed on that idea as she chewed on her ice cream.
The permanence part is love?
Sure, love that only lasts in the heat of the moment can barely really even be called love.
On the other hand, if you choose to stay with someone for your whole life, what is that but love?
Atago had an epiphany.
Maybe the emotions were actually optional, and the true measure of love is if someone stayed in your life or not.
After all, staying with someone was often motivated by emotions, but it didn't have to always be that way.
People could stay with each other because they choose to as much as they feel they should.
Staying with people whether or not you felt like it did sound like true love.
She tried to imagine that kind of life with Shikikan.
It gave her butterflies in her stomach and blush on her cheeks now, but when they were old, would she still choose to stay with him?
Maybe it wasn't a problem of whether she would choose to stay with him in the future.
Maybe it was a problem of making a commitment to stay with him now.
Maybe that was love.
She cracked a smile. "Thanks, Prinz."
The girl nodded beside her.
All was well for a second.
But then Atago's brow furrowed.
That still leaves a big problem…
"How do I confess? It's so scary. What if he says no? I don't think it's ever been done before..."
She imagined the world scorning them - scorning him - for such a choice. And they might have weird half-boat babies that breathe fire or something.
Prinz hummed in surprise.
"Hm? Well I guess you could confess on the New Years' Festival that's coming up soon." Then she looked at her eyes, as if she was trying to stare deep into them.
"And for the scary part, why don't you ask Enterprise for help there? That girl seems pretty fearless."
Atago shuddered.
