The Commander felt warm.

There were only a handful of things that made him feel warm.

"There, there…"

Gentle swaying. A pleasant smell. The warmth of another human being.

The warmth of the one he would soon come to call Mom as she held his tiny body close to her heart.

He instinctively knew he was safe with this one.

A great cry sounded out - a cry that he wouldn't come to recognize as his until later on in life.

Without any irritation or anger, as if she fully understood what he was crying about, she continued to hold and sway him gently.

Kinder, more loving, and closer than anyone else - that was the one he would come to know as his dear mother.

"Shhh… It's okay, baby…"


Life was great for the little baby. Everyday was a new day, and every day was a good day.

He could already think for himself, though what little thoughts he did have consisted of blurry memories of various things he didn't really know about and what went on in front of him at any given moment.

He could speak a little and Mom would understand him, but it seemed that only Mom would get it.

He knew who Mom was by now. She was the one who gave him milkies and made him warm. She was basically his whole life; his ruler and master.

And he remembered that one time some tall men - it took him some time to learn that word, he didn't really see many at home since it was just his Mom - in white coats said something to her and she cried.

And when she cried he also felt like crying so he started crying, then she stopped crying and came to hold him tight. As expected of Mom. The best cradling in the world, probably ever.

Mom would always come to hug him, even when she was feeling sad. Her hugs felt a bit different when she was sad, after all; a bit tighter, and a bit shakier.

But she never let him find out he was sad. That is until he found out she was sad.

So I guess she let me find out she was sad?

Thinking some things still hurt his brain.

Men were these really big people who he was apparently going to become. They seemed to be different from women - like Mom - somewhere, but he didn't really get it.

Anyway, memories. Morning was the start of the day, and he would wake up next to his mother. Then night time was the end, and he would sleep next to her, too.

They would lie down on this really soft thing called a bed that had these soft rectangular - he learned that at school - things called pillows and they felt really good to hug.

That was more or less all of his memories. Every other moment would just be Momma hugging him.

There she was right now!

"Ga! Mommy!"

"Now, now, baby. Eat this."

Mommy really was the #1 hero in his life.

Right now, they were at the dinner table, and Mommy was feeding him. There was a flower in the middle of the table. It was so beautiful.

Ah, he forgot to talk about eating. Eating was this really weird thing where Mommy would put something in his mouth called a spoon and he would eat it. He didn't really understand what eating it meant, but he knew that it would make him big and strong, like daddy!

Then sometimes Mom would hug him tight and feed him with magic milk that came from nowhere, but now wasn't one of those times.

"Open wide. Here comes the choo choo train."

"Mama! It's spoon, you know!"

He didn't know why, but it looks like Mama forgot that she was holding a spoon and not a train. Silly Mama!

"Haha. Yes, it's a spoon." Mama looked like an angel when she smiled.

Be that as it may, he wanted to try something new today.

"Mama! I eat by myself. Give spoon!"

Above him, her eyebrows went up. "Oh? Why do you wanna do that?"

"I gotta be stron!"

"Hmmm?" She smiled again. "Okay, baby. I'll let you do this. Then you'll be big and strong and healthy, okay?"

"Yes!" He ignored her calling him baby and focused on learning this power.

After all, Momma ate on her own, without anyone to feed her. He needed to be able to do that too so she wouldn't have to feed him.

He picked up the spoon in a funny way, feeling that it wasn't the same as how his Momma held it.

"Don't hold it like a pen." She laughed.

"Yes Mom!"

He fumbled with the spoon, putting hand here, there, and everywhere. He even tried turning his hand around, but nothing worked. He furrowed his brows. This was making him angry!

"Here." Momma held his fist open and guided every finger to where it was supposed to be on the spoon.

"That's better," she smiled at him.

This was it! He could eat now!

"Thank you, Momma! Here comes the choo choo train! Ahh~"

Then something hurt his tongue, and he instinctively knew what it was.

"HOT!"

This was hot. Not warm, like how he felt when Mama hugged him and there was a blanket over him, but hot, like not good.

"Ah! Are you okay? Here."

Mommy picked up some water and gave it to him. He didn't really understand water but if Mom told him to drink it it was probably fine.

"There. Do you feel better?"

"N-No, not really."

He felt like crying.

But crying wasn't good. Momma said crying wouldn't solve anything, and he could feel that she was sad whenever he cried, too.

Besides, he was a big boy! And big boys didn't cry no matter what!

He was a big boy who was going to grow up quick to help his Mom just like she helped him.

And for that, this sort of pain was nothing.

"Th-Th-This sort of pain isn't nothin, Mama."

Her eyebrows were furrowed but she smiled at him anyway. "Brave little baby."

There she went again. Even though he was being so brave and strong and learning something new, she kept calling him a baby.

"Mom! Stop calling me a baby! I'm a big boy now! I'm already 3 years old!"

"Haha."

She patted his head. It felt really nice and warm, but he had to focus!

"I-I-Awawawawa-"

He opened his mouth, but his tongue still felt really hot!

"There, there, baby." She hugged him.

"I-I'm not a baby anymore, Ma! I'm already three," he said. "I'm gonna be big and strong, just like you, so you won't have to do so much anymore, Mama!"

Yes. Mama was always taking him wherever she went because there was no one in the house. She had to go to the supermarket to buy all their food, and she had to go to work.

He didn't know what that meant, but she always seemed so sleepy at the end of the day.

He would always want to play, but he had to hold himself back because Mama was tired. The memories made his eyes sting a little bit, but he held it back.

Mom broke the hug. Then he saw her putting her face near the food.

"Fu~"

Then he saw her blowing on the food.

That's right! How could he be such a fool!? The food needed to be blown!

"You remember, right? What to do with hot food?"

"Yes, Mama! Fu~"

He couldn't let Momma do all the work again!

"Fufufu. Good boy." She patted his head, again.

"Mom is always working so hard…! So I can't be a baby…!"

Baby Shikikan felt like crying but he couldn't cry yet. Not when it wasn't over, and especially not with Mama hugging him! It would just prove her right! He couldn't be a baby!

She drew circles on his back with her fingers and told him something amazing; something that he would never forget for as long as he lived.

"No matter how old, big or strong you get, you'll always be my baby."

"M-Mommy! Waaah!"

"Shhh… There there…"

The boy felt warm.

The loving sound of her voice and the gentleness she carried were things he would never forget for the rest of his life. She was his first friend, protector, nourisher, and family; the one who gave birth to him and the one who single-handedly raised him. That was who his mother was.


He was 10 years old already!

That meant last year he was 9 years old, and next year he would be 11 years old!

He was very quickly becoming a big, strong man who could support his mother! Life was great!

Baby Shikikan went to school every weekday and got top marks in every subject because he studied hard. And he had to study hard to support Mom.

The one that came most naturally to him was Physical Education, or PE. He didn't really need to put in any effort to pass unlike all the other academic subjects. He just needed to play some sports and do some exercises.

The teachers said he was good at that sort of thing.

He wasn't sleeping with his Mother anymore, either - he had his own bed. Which was in his Mother's room. Because it was a small apartment they lived in.

Sleeping in his own bed already. What a cool would-be adult he was!

He just had to get through teenagehood and he would become ready to support Mom. Just… 8 more years. Then Mom could take it easy.

Despite having to work and everything, she would always come to pick him up at school everyday. He wished she wouldn't push herself so hard, though.

It was okay to rely on him just to walk home, but whenever he said something like that, his mother would just say something like…

"That's no good, little baby."

"Mom! I'm not little anymore!"

She grinned. It was like a smile, but meaner. "Oh? Then big baby?"

"Mo~m!"

Then he remembered that he needed to be appealing to her so she would say yes.

"Please~!"

"A no is a no."

Though she was usually gentle, his mother's refusals were rock solid and irrefutable.

And if he tried to force his way through, she would just yell at him. And that was scary, and more importantly it looked like it took a lot of effort from Mom.

Everything his Mom did was because she loved him, and he knew that. That was exactly why he wanted to help her. But it'd be really sad if he ended up hurting her, instead.

Anyway, now wasn't the time for those things.

He was in a place he had gone to a few times before, of course, with his Mom in tow.

And since it was such a good place, maybe she would even allow him to go back from school on his own! It was an opportunity!

This was a place where lanterns floated above the streets, people were everywhere, and food was even more everywhere. Then later, there would be fireworks. A festival.

Then, after this festival, it would be another year, and soon enough after that he would be another year older. But that was a far-off future, and he had to focus on the here and now to get what he wanted.

Since crowds always flooded this place, he would hold his Mom's hand. That was just what he had to do, and it was always the best thing to do.

The only thing was that, since it was so noisy, Mama sometimes couldn't hear him. He had to be loud.

"Hey, Mom!' He yelled up at her.

"Why are you yelling? Do you know where we are?" Maybe too loudly.

She was now looking down on him with an angry expression.

"S-Sorry!"

"I said, stop yelling. Haha. Silly baby." Then she would pat his head, just like that.

Baby Shikikan had no way of knowing that she patted his head because she felt bad about it.

He ignored the pang of irritation that shot through him upon hearing the word baby. She had explained it to him a few times over the years, and he would never forget what it meant; that she loved him like a baby, not that she would always treat him like one.

But this and that were two different things.

"Let's talk in another place, baby."

He nodded. That was good. It gave him more time to figure out what he was going to say.

That was something he did a lot. Think about what he was going to say, and think about how other people would react. It was how he got to get good relationships with his fellow students and teachers, though not very close with any of them.

They always seemed to be off in their own little worlds.

Now, what was he going to say exactly?

Uh, the objective was to get her to consent to him going home on his own.

They didn't live in a particularly big city; they lived in a relatively rural area, with a tight-knit community where everyone knew each other.

It wasn't like he was going to be kidnapped like in the stories about those Tokyo boys who liked books.

Reasons why she should say yes…

First, rural area.

Second, appeal to emotion. Hug her and say please.

Then she might start talking about how she's worried about him.

Okay, then he can show how strong he's been getting.

This was doable. A piece of cake.

He heard his mother's voice.

"Look, baby! Wanna try shooting that?"

She was pointing to a target range equipped with a toy gun, with someone behind the counter manning the stand. There were some dolls hanging behind him.

He would definitely convince his mother after they enjoyed the festival.


Perhaps because they lived in a rural area, there were many spots where the foot traffic was not so bad.

Those spots tended to be away from the lanterns - probably because those who set it up knew that there wouldn't be many people here - and thus relatively dark.

But they were also the closest to nature, and since there were no lanterns above, easiest to see the sky from.

They were in such a scene, on a valley, with an ice cream stand nearby, about to get some ice cream for themselves.

Baby Shikikan knew that it would be okay to start the conversation here. He was carrying one stuffed doll while his mother, in her yukata, was carrying a doll in either side.

This had nothing to do with many things, but his mother was a pretty good shot. She had won those two stuffed dolls by herself while he had won his one. Maybe it was hereditary.

Anyway, it was time to start talking. It was just a matter of breaking the ice.

"What is it, baby? You've been looking up and down at me since the start of the festival," his mother called out to him.

Embarrassing it may have been, but thanks for the ice-breaker, mother.

"Ah. Well, you see, I've been meaning to ask you something," he said without giving away any clues.

"This is about… you going to school and back alone, isn't it?"

Darn. He was too clumsy - no, that wasn't it. The opponent this time was Mother. It was strange if she wouldn't be able to pick anything up. That's why it's nobody's fault he lost.

"What's with that regretful expression? Am I right?"

He could feel her smirk, smug and self-righteous, looking down on him.

"Y-Yes…"

"Haha. Try again in a decade," she ruffled his hair.

Alright. It was time to break out all the stops.

"No, wait! Please listen to me, Mom!"

He ran in front of her and thrust out his palms as if pushing her away.

"Ha? Don't you realize we're in public?"

"Y-Yes. Sorry." He stood straight.

"If you understand, let's go."

"But wait! We live in a rural area, so kidnappings are very rare; they don't really happen at all, considering how small this town is."

Now for emotional appeal! He threw himself at her waist, hugging her as tightly as he could.

"Please… I need to be strong enough to support you, Mama…"

She didn't say anything, and he didn't dare look up.

Then he felt her body shaking. Mom-?

Was she so touched that her son became such a considerate and strong man?

"Pft! Yeah, right! Support me? You're a century too early for that, baby." She laughed and pried him off.

He imagined his eyes were as bitter as he was feeling inside. "But i'm serious about this… Mom is wasting time accompanying me to and from school that she could be using to catch up on some much needed rest. Don't you have eye bags even now?"

He pointed to the elephant in the room below her eyes.

Her eye bags were there, clear as day, weighing down on her like how he imagined he was.

She sighed.

"What was that saying? Um…" She tilted her head, put her pointer finger to her lips and hummed.

"Ah. Don't sweat the small stuff," she concluded.

"Don't call your well-being small stuff, Mama! Please, let me do this much at least! There are already other kids my age doing it!"

She sighed again.

He dared a peek up.

He could see her eyes soften.

She met his eyes and sighed again.

By now the ice cream stand was right in front of them, so she ordered for them both. She spoke for them both and payed for them both. That was always how it went.

"One mint ice cream and one vanilla ice cream, please."

"Yes, ma'am, coming right up."

The boy didn't know where to look between the ice cream and his mother.

She looked troubled and displeased, probably with what he had been saying to her.

Then something unexpected happened.

"Here's your orders, ma'am."

"Thank you."

As she was taking the ice cream, his mother smiled.

It started small and grew to become big, and it made her face look beautiful and happier. He wanted to become like that.

"Here."

She handed him his vanilla ice cream and held on to her favorite flavored ice cream, mint.

They stood a short distance off from the ice cream stand, enjoying their ice cream.

Sometimes, the woman's son would blow on his ice cream since it was too cold in the same way he would blow on hot chocolate if it were too hot.

He snuck a glance. His mother was still smiling.

"What's wrong? Why are you smiling so much, Mama," he asked honestly.

"Who would've thought that my little baby would grow up to become such an honest and reliable man… It just seems to be happening so fast…"

She furrowed her brows as she said that though she was still smiling.

He took a deep breath and bowed at his hip.

"Please, let me do it. Please."

A hand landed on his head.

"Alright, alright. You don't need to beg so hard. I'll allow it."

In this moment, as fireworks started to sprinkle the sky and he felt his mother's hand on his short head, Shikikan felt truly warm.

"Thanks, Ma. I love you."

"Don't hug me yet, baby. You'll get ice cream on our clothes."


It was a normal day.

He went to school, got good grades, talked with his classmates - the motions.

It was a few months after the festival. Today a lot of girls came up to him and gave him free chocolate.

He appreciated it and thanked them wholeheartedly - he could give them to his Mommy!

It was a normal day.

So he didn't really get it when he got a call from the hospital telling him to come over.

He didn't really get it when the doctor explained that she had gotten run over and could die any second now.

He didn't really get it when he saw his mother's body on a bed with a respirator, looking pale and lifeless.

Then it hit him.

What was Mommy doing on a bed, looking so still? She was always up and lively, taking odd jobs, buying supplies and spending time with him, all for his sake.

Hey, Mom. Please get up.

She didn't hear him.

Mommy. Mommy, please get up.

Nothing.

She didn't hear him. Not even as he sobbed bitterly into his handkerchief.

And she wouldn't hear him.

Not when he would religiously come over everyday to watch her not move.

Not when he came back for his irregular visits on the rare breaks he got from work..

Not on the few times he wailed and waited next to her comatose form.

Everything faded to black.


Shikikan opened his wet eyes to his apartment ceiling.

He registered the fact that it was still dark outside.

"Ah, that dream again…"

Calling it a nightmare would be more suitable, but there was no one to correct him.

Here in his room, in the dead of night, there was no one to hear him.

That was good.

That meant no one could hear him sob bitterly into his pillow.

He wondered when Mommy would hear him again - if she would hear him again.

He wept again.