The Unironic Life of Percy Jackson

So, I don't own Percy Jackson or Harry Potter...Damn.

Summary: Percy Jackson didn't win the lottery when it came to grandfathers, both paternal and maternal. He thought Kronos was bad enough, now some stick-wielding maniac who calls himself Voldemort is breathing down his neck...So much for a break.

Note: The story begins in 2010, set after The Blood of Olympus and during Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Percy is seventeen and Harry fifteen.


August 12th, 2010

Days away from his seventeenth birthday, Percy Jackson stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom and waited for something to fall through it. Anything, anytime. Something to give him a reason to get out of bed. Annabeth and an Iris Message. A pissed off Fury. Blackjack demanding sugar cubes.

Anything. Something needed to happen.

Things had been too...quiet since Percy came home last week. After everything that has happened in the last few months, coming home to his mom and Paul was strange. Too normal, or as normal as things could be with his mother pregnant with his unborn sibling and Percy himself just a week away from his birthday, a feat he never anticipated to see. Not after dealing with Kronos and Gaea and all the other monsters he somehow survived. Thinking back on everything he had dealt with over the last five years, he was as lucky as he was unlucky.

Sighing, he sat up and propped his hands behind him as he stared around his bedroom. Pictures of him and his friends, several of Annabeth, and old ones where he and his mom would have their Gabe-free days at Montauk. He smiled as he spotted a photo of his six-year-old self, covered in blue cookie dough batter after he and his mom had an impromptu food fight.

His smile faded when he heard a knock at the front door. As he shot out of bed, his hand immediately went towards his jeans pocket, where Riptide remained. With his mind on edge as he walked towards his door, he heard the front door open and his mother's voice.

"May I help you?" Percy's mom asked, her voice curious and melodic to his ears.

"Yes, Mrs. Jackson, my name is Professor Albus Dumbledore," the newcomer said, his accent clearly not from around here as he sounded more like a character on Doctor Who. "My colleague and I are here about your son, Perseus."

Percy's senses went into overdrive as he tore open his door, expecting for something bad to automatically happen. He was never lucky enough to have a day where something bad didn't happen. If only he hadn't wished for it to happen, ironically. It was one thing for something to happen outside his mother and stepfather's apartment, it was another for it to happen inside their home. Hades, it would be different if the newcomer had fallen through his ceiling and not knock at the front door. His mother would have had time to escape if anything were to happen.

His sea-green eyes narrowed as he exited his bedroom, setting his sights on Hippy Gandalf and Gothic Mary Poppins as they stood in the center of the living room, next to his mother as she went from giving the newcomers strange looks to her turning her head and giving him a warning glance with her blue eyes.

Hippy Gandalf seemed unfazed by the look Percy was giving him and smiled as though he was genuinely happy to see a teenager glaring at him. "Ah, you must be Perseus," Hippy Gandalf said.

"Percy," he immediately corrected as his grip on Riptide tightened.

"Percy," Hippy Gandalf said, nodding as he looked back at Percy's mom. "Professor McGonagall and I do apologize for coming without any warning, Mrs. Jackson, but there are some issues we must discuss with you and your son."

"Blofis," Sally corrected as she awkwardly smiled, her eyes moving from the long-haired guy in a dress to Percy with his hand in his pocket. "Jackson's my maiden name, and please, call me Sally."

"Of course," Hippy Gandalf said, his blue eyes twinkling as much as his purple dress was.

Percy looked away from his mother and Hippy Gandalf over to Gothic Mary Poppins, whose expression was more guarded, but her eyes were open with suspicion as she stared at Percy, like he was some sort of monster she was about to slay with her pointed hat.

Percy kept his guard up, feeling uneased around the two strangers in his mother's living room. They didn't appear to be the normal sort he dealt with, but appearances were always deceiving at first glance. He couldn't do anything rash yet, no matter how much he wanted to. His mother was in the room and he couldn't let her, or the baby gets hurt because of any mistakes he could make.

The temptation was there as his mother led Hippy Gandalf and Gothic Mary Poppins over to the three-person couch.

"Would you like anything, Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall?" Percy's mother asked, sounding polite as though she had invited the two strangers into her home and was being a kind host. Sometimes, Percy thought he didn't deserve his mother; she was too kind to deal with all he had put her through throughout the years.

"No thank you, Mrs. Blofis," Gothic Mary Poppins replied, her tone sounding surprisingly polite.

"Tea, please Sally," Hippy Gandalf said, sounding jovial as though he were happy to indulge in Percy's mother's hospitality.

Percy glanced at his mother, who wordlessly eyed the loveseat across from the couch. Frowning, Percy sat down on it, across from Hippy Gandalf as his mother walked into the kitchen, her sock-covered feet whispering against the tiled floor.

Percy bounced his knee up and down uncontrollably as he watched the two strangers in front of them. Hippy Gandalf was smiling and Gothic Mary Poppins frowning. He didn't know which expression was worse. Hippy Gandalf seemed nice but Gothic Mary Poppins didn't hide her distrust in the slightest.

"You're professors?" Percy awkwardly asked, remembering what Hippy Gandalf had said earlier.

The man across from Percy nodded. "We are," Hippy Gandalf replied.

Percy's frown deepened, wondering suddenly if he had been expelled from Goode High School because of his extended winter break given to him by his dear aunt Hera. Or Juno, or whoever she had been when she kidnapped him from Camp Half-Blood. His mom and Paul had kept their silence every time Percy brought up his school, as much as he hated going, he wanted to get into New Rome University, and he couldn't go without at least graduating high school.

"Okay," he said warily. "What school are you from?"

"We will explain everything once your mother returns, Mr. Jackson," Gothic Mary Poppins interjected, her voice curt but still polite.

Percy nodded as he folded his hands together, wishing he had thought of taking Riptide out before he removed his one hand away from his pocket. Hades, he could only imagine what Annabeth would have to say if things took a turn for the worst and Percy didn't have his weapon on hand.

Though, if they were professors, Percy didn't have to worry about anything. Right? Well, of course, that would mean he was kicked out of another school because of his inability to stay out of trouble and these people were here to talk about their school, which they were. Though his mother would have known about them coming and judging by the look on her face, she hadn't.

Did Paul arrange this? No, Percy thought, he would be here, and his mother would have known about them. She would have told Percy, too, knowing how hypervigilant his mind got when around new people. Especially since he came back after months of being missing and going on quest after quest, not to mention Tartarus…

Annabeth was staring at him, the look in her eyes as he stood before Akhlys. The tears in her grey eyes, the power he felt as he forced the poison back into the Protogenos. He never felt that kind of power before; it was intoxicating.

"Percy…Percy!"

Percy blinked and found his mother's blue eyes on him, her face etched with worry as her hands pressed gently into his stiff shoulders.

Percy instantly looked away from his mom, a burning sensation enrapturing his skin as he looked down at his feet. "Sorry," he whispered.

He felt his mother's fingers under his chin as she pulled his face up to meet her own. Her blue eyes were warm, loving, everything Percy didn't deserve and yet, still received.

"You're alright, sweetheart," his mother said, her smile bright as the sun and calm as the Atlantic. She wrapped her arms around Percy, and he leaned into her, still wanting her comfort despite no longer being a child anymore. He hadn't been a child in a long time, and now only reinforced that.

Though, he ignored it as he wrapped his arms around his mother and rested his chin against her shoulder, closing his eyes and ignored the looks of the two professors on the couch.

They were silent, and Percy was secretly appreciative of that. He could imagine what they thought of him, but he pushed that off to the side as he hugged his mom as though it was going to be their last one. With Percy, any interaction he had with anyone could be their last and he had to savor any moment he had with them before he couldn't.

When their hug broke, Percy's mother smiled as she took Percy's cheeks in her hands and kissed his forehead. Percy smiled and accepted his mother's love for what it was, a mother's love.

After his mother let go of him, she sat next to him on the loveseat, and Percy found his attention back on the two strangers in front of him.

Hippy Gandalf's twinkling eyes betrayed a sense of curiosity, as though he were secretly surprised at the interaction between Percy and his mother and pleased by the display of affection. Gothic Mary Poppins' bewilderment was clear as day on her face, revealing a less guarded disposition when regarding Percy. Clearly, her initial thoughts on him were wrong as she looked less tense than she had when meeting Percy. Percy could honestly say the same, though his guard remained up. He still didn't know why they were here, and he didn't like that, though he partially doubted they were here to attack him and his mother, they would have already done so when his guard was down.

They could have attacked him during his…episode but didn't. They weren't here to harm him or his mother. If they were teachers, then why did they look like circus-rejects? And why hadn't his mom and Paul told him about his expulsion from Goode High School?

Something wasn't adding up and Percy didn't like it.

As Hippy Gandalf took a sip of his tea, he smiled as though he liked the flavor before setting his eyes on Percy and saying, "Percy, has anything strange ever happened to you? Things you couldn't explain rationally?"

Percy frowned. What did this man know about him? Clearly something, otherwise he wouldn't be asking him.

"Define strange," Percy found himself saying as he stared at the man.

To Percy's irritation, Hippy Gandalf looked away from him and at his mother. "I understand you were adopted, Sally," the man said, a flicker of seriousness creeping into his otherwise calm demeanor. Percy's eyes narrowed again, wondering what was going on. He was surprised to hear that question, especially since it was directed at his mother. He had always known his grandparents had adopted his mother, and that when they died, she went to her adoptive uncle.

Percy's mom appeared to be just as surprised as he was. "Um…yes, I was," she said, her eyes wide as she stared at Hippy Gandalf. "I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind me asking, but why does that matter? I thought you and Professor McGonagall were here about Percy."

"We are, Mrs. Blofis," Gothic Mary Poppins said, her eyes shifting towards Hippy Gandalf before settling back on Percy's mom. "We just wanted to know if you were aware that..." the woman trailed off as she glanced at Percy before looking back at his mother. "If you were aware that your...biological father has recently discovered you and Percy."

"He's dead, though," Percy's mom said, sounding as confused as she looked. Percy too was confounded. His mother had always said that her biological parents had died when she was a baby, and her adoptive ones took her in not long after that. She didn't have any memories of them, and her parents had nothing on them except that they both were dead.

When the man and woman shook their heads, the atmosphere in the room changed. Percy felt his skin prickle and his fingers itched for Riptide. Something about all this felt wrong, dangerous and he didn't like that. Not with his mother next to him. It would be different if he were with them alone. His mom would be far away if Percy had anything to say about it, away from any danger should it come knocking on their door.

Danger. Something bad was about to happen, but Percy could instantly tell no harm was going to come to his mother, at least physically. That would have already happened if the strangers on the couch were here to hurt his mother. Judging by Gothic Mary Poppins' words, they weren't here to hurt Percy or his mother. They were here to warn them, but why? Especially considering they were teachers. What did teachers have anything to do with him and his mother's safety?

Hippy Gandalf sighed, his previous cheerfulness quickly disappearing as he looked more serious-like. "Sally," he said. "Are you aware of the name "Lord Voldemort"?"


Harry could hear the hushed tones of the Order as he came down for dinner with Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. He thought of his trial and wondered if they might have been discussing that, though he doubted it. Considering he had been cleared of all charges, there was no need for it to be brought up again. Especially after the twins and Ginny's earlier chanting.

"—I don't know what Dumbledore's thinking, wanting to bring him here! Around Potter, no less!" Harry heard at the kitchen door.

Frowning as he looked at Ron and Hermione, Harry entered the kitchen and saw Sirius, Lupin, Tonks, Mad-Eye Moody, and Mr. Weasley sitting at the long table, clearly in a heated discussion.

The moment the door opened, the wizards quickly stopped talking as their eyes settled on Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny.

"What's going on?" Harry asked, wondering who the 'him' was and why they didn't want him around this mysterious person.

Mrs. Weasley, who had been at the stove, making the last preparations for dinner, was quick to leave her place and motion for Harry and his friends into seats just as Fred and George Apparated in. Though, to everyone's surprise, Mrs. Weasley didn't even notice them.

"Nothing you need to worry about, Harry dear," Mrs. Weasley said before going back to the stove. He saw the warning look on her face that she had given the Order members at the table as she went back to finishing off the rest of her cooking.

Harry scowled, his irritation rising as he stared at everyone around him. He hated being left out of discussions that, at least in this instance, clearly about him! Merlin, why was everyone treating him as though he were a child?

Sirius must have noticed the look on Harry's face because he was quick to disregard Mrs. Weasley's silent threat as he said, "Dumbledore and McGonagall are bringing someone from America." Harry noticed his godfather's grey eyes flashed towards Mrs. Weasley, who was giving him a disapproving look, but Sirius brushed her off. "He's someone Dumbledore recently discovered. He had known about the boy's mother, but not him, and unfortunately, Voldemort," a series of winces and shocked expressions filled the room that Harry and Sirius both ignored. "Knows about them too. He hadn't known about the mother until he made a discovery on the boy, who he's more interested in."

Harry frowned. "Why's he interested in them?" he asked, and the answer he received was one he had never thought possible.

"The boy is his grandson. Dumbledore and McGonagall are bringing him here to keep him from going to his grandfather, should he have any ideas on doing so."


So, what do you think? Should I continue?

I know there might be some grammar mistakes, so I apologize.

Please, review, like, and/or follow. That would great.

Until next time...