[A/N: Thanks to all you wonderful people who've stuck with me so far and left such wonderful reviews. It means a lot to me, especially during such difficult times that we've been having lately. I'm glad that y'all enjoyed the phony forms that Daggerclaw had Albus attempt to fill out; I got more, oh so much more (thanks in part to the fine folks over at Harmony & Co 18+ on Facebook.) I also broke a record on the number of words within a chapter! Chapter 8 was 10,389 words long! I was stunned (and a little fearful), I normally try to keep the chapters within a 4k – 6k length because any longer and a reader's eyes will tend to glaze over and they might miss stuff. But, judging from your reviews I had nothing to worry about. So on with the story!]
Chapter 9: Letters, Molly's & Albus' Very Bad Day
The day after the Sorting Ceremony
Molly Weasley was sitting at her kitchen table quietly enjoying a morning cup of tea while waiting for the post owl to make its arrival carrying her sons' letters home. The Sorting Ceremony was last night and she couldn't wait to hear that her baby boy, Ronald had gotten into Gryffindor with his older brothers. 'Now all we need to do is wait for Ginny to turn eleven and get Sorted there as well and I'll have the complete set!' she mused happily.
A sudden flutter of wings and the tell-tale sound of claws skittering on the wooden table heralded the arrival of a post owl and interrupted her morning musing. She smiled dreamily at the owl and relieved it of its burden, "There are some owl treats and a bowl of water on the perch if you're interested." She turned away and opened the scroll. She read the letter once, twice then slowly looked up; her eyes focused on nothing before the red haze of extreme displeasure settled over her features.
"THAT LITTLE SHIT! IF I'VE TOLD HIM ONCE, I'VE TOLD HIM A MILLION TIMES! WEASLEYS GO INTO GRYFFINDOR!"
She angrily rummaged around through her stash of parchment and grabbed a self-inking quill before settling in to begin writing one of her infamous Howlers.
Ministry for Magic, Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office
Arthur Weasley was sitting at his desk reading through a repair manual for a vintage Ford Anglia, a stack of urgent requests for technical information lay ignored in his incoming box. He absently reached for his cup of tea only to grimace when he discovered it was empty. He rose from his chair and ambled along the hallway to get a refill. When Arthur returned to his office, he was surprised by the arrival of a Howler.
"Odd, the others usually aren't that angry at me to send me a Howler not when they can just stop into my office," he mused out loud. He pulled out his wand and cast a couple of diagnostic charms to check for anything illegal but it came up clean. He then visually inspected the destination note on the front (past experience told him of the utter stupidity of touching something magical that didn't belong to you.) With a pained groan, he recognized the writing… 'Molly, you idiotic woman…'
"RONALD WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU GET YOURSELF SORTED INTO SLYTHERIN! I AM ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGED THAT YOU WOULD BRING THIS SHAME UPON THE FAMILY! I HAVE HALF A MIND TO BRING YOU HOME IN DISGRACE FOR YOUR BLATANT DISREGARD FOR ALL THE TRADITIONS OUR FAMILY UPHOLDS! YOU WILL GO TO THE HEADMASTER AND REQUEST A RE-SORTING OR YOU CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT EVER COMING HOME! IF YOU DO NOT GET INTO GRYFFINDOR LIKE YOUR BROTHERS, I WILL SEE TO IT THAT YOU ARE DISOWNED FROM THE FAMILY!"
Arthur sighed in dismay, apparently Molly must've forgotten that all letters to and from her were routed through him first. He had received the letter from Percy first, detailing the surprising results from last night's sorting but he wasn't surprised by them. His youngest son did have a few talents and attributes that would've led to him being sorted into Slytherin. 'The chess playing, his 'sneaky' attempts to getting out of doing his chores…' Well, perhaps I should go up to the school and console him; let him know that not all Weasleys ended up in Gryffindor.
His calm demeanor hardened, "Right after I deal with Molly…"
The Burrow…
Arthur had received permission from his supervisor to take a few minutes to return home and deal with his incalcitrant wife. The man had smirked and wished him luck, Molly's Howlers were legendary. After stepping through the floo, Arthur first checked the kitchen but discovered it empty. He heard the sounds of his daughter thumping around upstairs along with the faint notes of some song ostensibly playing on her radio. 'If we had the money, I would look into getting her dancing lessons. It's a shame that Pandora Lovegood died; she was such an excellent teacher of dancing and music.' Next he checked the paddock where their livestock was kept. There he saw his wife's distinctive homemade apron peeking out from behind a bale of hay.
"Molly!"
A clatter of a dropped bucket and a screech of surprise emanated from behind the hay bale, "Who the bloody hell…"
"Molly, get out here!" Molly squeezed herself out and turned to see who it was that interrupted her work.
"Arthur! Oh my, I'm sorry. I thought it was Xeno again! That man, I tell you…"
"Molly, did you forget about something I expressly forbade you from doing?"
Molly's eyebrows beetled together as she tried to remember. She slowly shook her head no.
"So, you don't remember that incident with the signing of that illegal marriage contract and my response to it?" He crossed his arms over his chest and waited.
Molly didn't disappoint; her face went milky white and her features took on one of horror, "Oh Arthur! No! I'm sorry! I just… I got so angry that my baby boy got sorted into that despicable House! Please don't be angry with me. I… Once Ronnie gets re-sorted, everything will be better anyways…" She pleaded with him.
With a look of disgust on his own face, Arthur turned away and headed back inside. Molly trailed after him, wringing her hands.
Standing by the kitchen table, Arthur thumped a box full of unused Howler parchment and the quill that Molly usually used. He pulled his own wand and cast a spell onto the quill before handing it to his wife. When she took it, the quill and her hand glowed a sickly green. Molly dropped the quill in shock and rubbed her hand.
"I'm taking this box of Howler parchment and making a stop at Scribbulus. I'll be letting them know that any purchases made by you, especially for Howler paper, must be approved by me first as it seems that you still can't control yourself."
Without another word, he flooed out of the house.
Back at Arthur's office…
Arthur sighed as he dropped the box onto an already overflowing pile of things he needed to deal with and sat heavily in his chair. His supervisor entered a moment later, knocking once on the door.
"Trouble in paradise?" he asked with a knowing look.
Arthur growled lowly and pulled out a fresh pad of parchment and self-inking quill. Then he used his wand to cast the other half of the spell he put on Molly and her quill onto the pad and hung it from a peg on his wall.
His supervisor tilted his head in silent curiosity and glanced at Arthur.
"It's enchanted so that whatever Molly writes with her favorite quill will also appear on this pad. If she's going to disregard my explicit orders regarding sending out letters without my approval first then she needs to learn the consequences."
"What if she uses another quill?"
"The spell I used also bound itself to her hand so no matter which quill she uses, it will still connect here."
"Family spell?" Arthur nodded while his boss made a face.
"Shame that. It would've been a great one to use on the dark families when they think we're not paying attention. Does it show up as a recognizable spell?"
Arthur shrugged, "It'll show up as a sickly green light. I don't think I've ever analyzed it before. Never had to use it before but because of the problems at home and that court case against Dumbledore, I've had to re-read the Family Grimoire."
His supervisor accepted that and gestured to his stack of requests, "How are you doing with that?"
Arthur rolled his eyes, "It's slow going. Being the only one in my 'department,' it takes time to process the requests for their urgency and to dig out the information then to write a report in terms that the Aurors understand."
His boss looked nonplussed, "But you're the expert in all things muggle, how can it be difficult?"
Arthur grunted in amusement, "Sir, I dabble at best. It's not like there's a proper class at Hogwarts that taught everything we should be knowing about the muggle world. What I would love have happen is for the Office of Administrative Services to approve my repeated requests to set up a fund so I can go to muggle school and learn the things I need to know to make my job that much more efficient instead of bumbling around like I've been doing. I've done my research and muggles have classes in just about every sort of aspect of their lives and then some."
"Okay…what sort of classes would you think about taking?"
"A course in general automotive technology, general sciences, history, that sort of thing. Nothing too specialized but a comprehensive overview of what's out there."
"Uh-huh and how long do you figure that all this classwork would take?"
Arthur shrugged helplessly, "I dunno. No more than a year or two for something like the general sciences sort of thing. Probably longer for the automotives…"
His boss thought carefully, "Arthur, as it happens I'm on the review board for those requests and I can officially state that I've never had them come across my desk. Are you sure you sent them in?"
Arthur looked shocked! He quickly rummaged through his top desk drawer and pulled out a stack of forms that had been clipped together and handed them over, "These are the applicant's copies of those same forms all completely filled out and signed by the secretary for the OAS."
The supervisor scanned them over and grunted in confusion, "This doesn't make sense. This isn't our secretary's name. Why in the heck would Dolores Umbridge even care about this sort of thing?" he shook himself out of his murmuring, "Well, consider it approved, Arthur. I'll get you the funding but you need to get me the parchment from the school you plan on attending along with your receipts for school supplies."
Arthur beamed ecstatically, "Thank you, sir! I promise that all this will be a great boon for the department."
Just then the enchanted pad started writing out a message from Molly, 'Reminder to get more Howler paper when out picking up new knickers for Ginny.'
Arthur groaned and thumped his head on his desk while his boss laughed and patted him on the shoulder in commiseration.
Hogwarts Kitchens
The door leading to the kitchens was wrenched open by an impatient Pomona Sprout and quickly followed by Professors McGonagall and Flitwick. They hurried over to where nearly every kitchen-elf was seated in a set of bleachers similar to the ones lining the Quidditch pitch. Pomona spotted Tiny waving excitedly to get her attention and quickly led the other two over.
"Did we miss much?" Pomona puffed heavily to Tiny who shook her tiny head.
"Just started. Little sir's just been inspecting his utensils and getting out his spices."
Harry looked up and smiled pleasantly at the crowd, "Hello and thank you all for another fun and tasty experience of 'Yes, Harry Potter Cooks.' Today I will be demonstrating a delightful and savory dish that can be served as an appetizer or even a main meal. It's called, 'Stuffed Long Green Beans." A little background for those interested; Chinese long beans are versatile as well as having a pronounced bean flavor. They can be twisted to make tiny wreaths. Add minced shrimp and chicken breast as filler, then fry in a chili pepper sauce for a wonderful appetizer and a clever presentation. I see that Professor Sprout is amongst the audience here; Professor, for your information the Chinese long green bean can easily be grown in the mundane greenhouses just like you would for ordinary green beans. Now and always, the first thing that needs to be done is to wash your hands and prepare your utensils and ingredients. This recipe as it stands will serve 2 people but as with any recipe, it can be scaled up as needed."
"So to begin, you will need 8 stalks Chinese Long Beans. Clip off any stray bits that cling from the bush and drop the beans in boiling water in a saucepan and add a pinch of salt. Let that boil for two minutes. Once those two minutes are up, strain out the beans and dump them into a ice water bath then when cool, remove and twist the beans into a large circle about the size of a Galleon to make it easier to make the wreaths later and place onto a plate; set them aside for now."
Professor Flitwick was sitting there silently wide-eyed at the professionalism that Harry was demonstrating. 'If only my students in the later years were so adept at speaking in front of crowds when giving their presentations.'
Harry continued, unaware of the thoughts in the diminutive professor's mind, "Next, smash the shrimp with the side of a knife and finely slice the chicken breast; dice the shrimp and chicken together then place it in a bowl." The sounds of two cleavers clacking on the cutting board echoed throughout the kitchen. A couple of elves were seen making notes on his technique.
"Combine the salt, black pepper, water and corn flour then stir well. Add this to the shrimp and chicken mash and combine until it forms a minced paste. Take the green beans from earlier and wind each of them to form little wreaths about the size of a Sickle. Using a spoon, stuff the paste into the center of the bean wreaths. Take a plate and slightly cover with olive oil. Press the circles into the oiled plate and set aside. This allows the paste to rest a bit and cling better to the beans."
Harry pulled out a large skillet and added a drizzling of olive oil then put it on the stove and turned the fire to a medium high temperature. "Once the oil is sizzling, transfer the bean wreaths to the skillet and pan-fry both sides of the circles until the meat is golden-brown then remove and set aside once more." The sounds and scent of the meat sizzling reached the audience causing all to sniff deeply.
Harry removed the skillet from the flame while he got out some more ingredients. "For the sauce, cut the scallions into pieces, cut the skin off the ginger and slice. Cut the stem off the red chili pepper and roll it on the cutting board while pressing down a bit to dislodge the seeds. Dump out all the seeds you can and save them. Why waste good money buying new seeds when the food you're preparing is offering a veritable bounty for free? Once that's done, slice the chili pepper with a bias cut." He gathered up the seeds as best he could and wrapped them up in a napkin to be dealt with later and put it aside.
"Put the scallions, ginger and chili pepper into the same skillet you just used and stir in the sugar, soy sauce and chicken broth then put it back on the flame and let it simmer. Add salt and black pepper to taste. Put the stuffed long beans into the pan and cook for about five to six minutes; use a spoon to scoop up the liquid and drizzle onto top of the bean wreaths. Flip the wreaths over occasionally. To thicken the sauce, make a corn flour slurry of 14 grams of corn four mixed with 48 milliliters of water. Add that to the sauce and continue stirring until it starts to thicken."
Harry reached over and pulled up a serving tray, he transferred the wreaths to the plate and drizzled over the wreaths and around the plate to give it a decorative look. With a final flourish, he spread his arms, "Serve immediately."
The look on Filius' face was one of rapture when Harry approached the trio of professors caused Harry to burst out laughing. He handed the wrapped bundle of seeds from earlier to Pomona.
"I take it then that Professor Flitwick here enjoyed his tasting?" Filius just dumbly grinned and let out a slow 'yeaahhh…'
Pomona and Minerva chuckled at their colleague's dazed reactions, "Indeed he did, Mr. Potter and thank you for the seeds. I'll add them to our stockpile, also ten points to you for that wonderful gardening information. You know, if you're not careful; you and Mr. Longbottom will be constantly competing for the top spot in Herbology."
Harry shook his head at that, "I doubt it. My gardening skills are aimed at what I can bring into the kitchen and cook with. Neville's on the other hand is geared towards what can be brewed into potions," he sighed deeply, "On that note, I need to speak with Professor Snape about the incident in Potions on Friday but I would like to have you go with me just in case."
Minerva cocked her head at him, "What do ye mean? What incident?"
Harry briefly looked pensive, "Neville had a case of the nerves caused by Professor Snape looming over him and making rude comments about his brewing capabilities. This resulted in Neville adding an ingredient at the wrong time and causing his cauldron to melt. Professor Snape then yelled at him for being a dunderhead and tried to foist the blame onto me. I may have said a few things in anger…"
Minerva's eyebrows rose then she slowly nodded as she assimilated the new information. A look of grim determination crossed her features, "Mr. Potter, doona worry yerself abou' it. I shall be speakin' wit Professor Snape abou' his behavior." Her Scottish brogue becoming more pronounceable the longer she spoke.
High Inquisitor's Office
"Albus! Get in here!" Daggerclaw released the rune that acted as an intercom between the two offices. The connecting door opened a moment later bearing an irate Albus Dumbledore.
"What now?! I was just about to take a walk to clear my mind," he groused.
Daggerclaw held out a sheath of forms, "If you have time to take a walk then you have time to take this down to the Ministry's Office of Administrative Services to pick up our order of supplies. Be quick about it; I expect you to return within two hours." He turned back to his own stack of paperwork and ignored the build-up of ranting from Albus. Once the old goat had stormed out of his office did Daggerclaw belt out a deep and hearty laugh. 'Oh this ought to be good!'
Ministry for Magic, Office of Administrative Services
Albus Dumbledore stormed into the office where all forms requesting everything from the tiniest seed used in the greenhouses to massive machinery originated from and were either approved or rejected. He thrust the stack into the outstretched hand of the secretary who'd been pre-warned that the headmaster was on his way in and what sort of things were being requested. After reviewing the paperwork, she stamped each form with an approval mark. In her most smarmy and officious tone of voice, the secretary directed him to head over to the Materials Warehouse Director in sub-section A113.
"Follow the yellow line."
At the reception desk for the Materials Warehouse Department…
After reaching the lifts and hitting the button for the level for Materials Warehousing, Albus was then subjected to the further indignity of having to walk for what seemed to be nearly an hour following that blasted yellow line through endless nondescript hallways then wait an inordinate amount of time at the front desk for the Director to present himself.
"It's about time, man! What kept you? I don't have time to be wasting for you to finish up your cup of tea or whatever."
Director Basil Thornberry harrumphed at Albus' intransigence, "Now, see here Headmaster Bumbledore! I'm a busy man myself and I don't appreciate you thumping around down here bellowing like a gut-sick cow. Now do you have the appropriate forms for me?" He held out his hand and yanked the forms away from Albus who thrust out the pile to him.
"Hmmm, let's see here… Form 1-LOS-E/R for 15 barrels of 'cesspool sucker'… Form ID-10T/2 for...no this one needs to go to the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures (he dropped that one on the desk), Form A/BU-(2T)H-EAD for an order of 25 skirting board ladders… I sure hope you brought something to carry this all in. Where is the form for…oh, here it is. Form N1M-ROD for 5 liters of acetylsalicylic acid, oh you're going to definitely need that at that school of yours… Now you seem to be missing forms A55-BA5K-ET and FO-0L."
"What?! No! The High Inquisitor gave me everything. If there's anything missing, it's his fault," Albus thundered.
Basil was unimpressed by the display, "What you have here is two superseded forms, Mr. Fumble-Door. We just changed today. I can't give you what you've requested until I have the proper forms filled out. Just to be nice though you definitely don't deserve it, I'll give you a copy of the new forms to take back with you." He disappeared back into his office. When he returned twenty minutes later, Albus was clearly about ready to drop a large brick.
Hogwarts, Headmaster's office
By the time that Albus returned to his office, he was utterly exhausted. He bypassed his office and went straight for his apartment for a nice long soak in the tub. As he sank into the steaming hot water, he pondered everything that had happened. He had had to navigate through twelve different departments, suffer through the indignities of some very whiny office staff who dared to yell at him for invading their 'sovereign territories' like some common flunky all to try and make sure that the school received the supplies he'd been sent there for! He still wasn't even sure that the school needed some of these things, 'What the heck was 'propwash' and how did one use it?' but he really had no leg to stand on since every time a supply order came through before the appointment of the High Inquisitor, he foisted it off to Minerva to deal with. He still didn't understand why the damn Goblin had to give the problem to him instead of one of the countless elves here in the castle.
"I wonder if it was Minerva who ordered the Tartan paint? I hope that she ordered enough, I'd hate to have to deal with all that again."
Hufflepuff Common Room, study area
Hermione had her face practically buried in her non-magical history book while simultaneously scribbling out notes for an upcoming test next week. Susan and Hannah were on her right busily studying (and whispering) about their dance instructor and how cute he was. Neville was taking a break by stretching and wandering around the room. The smell of potatoes filling her nostrils caused her to look up, blinking owlishly.
"Hi! Thought you could use a bit of brain food for while you're all studying," Harry said as he placed a tray of fingerling potato boats down on the table. Each one was sliced in half, hollowed out then refilled with an assortment of tiny bits of fish, some kind of stiff cream and seasoned with different spices.
Hermione reached for one and took a bite before letting her eyes slowly close in delight, "Harry… what is this?"
"Fingerling potato boats with a Sardine Genovese filling." He sat down as well and pulled out his homework for Defense.
"Who care what it is, it's heaven!" moaned Hannah as she slipped another into her mouth and savored the flavors as it hit her tongue.
Glancing around at what the others were working on, Harry asked if any of them had done the Defense homework yet. Susan raised her hand, "What part are you stuck on?"
Later in Harry's dorm…
Harry re-read the letter he'd gotten from Aunt Petunia. It contained all the usual reminders from her to study hard and be good to the professors and to try not to get into trouble.
Dear Harry,
It's good to hear from you and that you got into the House that you'd dreamed of. Remember to study hard and stay out of trouble! That little spat you had with your potions professor should serve as a reminder that you are a student and not in charge of discipline. If it's the same Severus Snape that I remember from childhood (really, it ought to be. How many Severus Snapes could there be in the world), then the man should be ashamed of himself. Picking on a child who already suffers from nerves? Bullying others who don't share the same sort of devotion to his favorite topic of discussion? Shameful… but not for you to deal with; if there is a next time, go to Daggerclaw, your Head of House or the Deputy Headmistress and let them deal with the man.
Now, as for life here at home; your uncle got the Pemberton order! He's so pleased that Mr. Pemberton came through with the order for 500 lots of those…drill bits, I forget which size. The president of the company personally congratulated Vernon and gave him a raise for his success! We went out to celebrate to that swanky restaurant I'd been eyeing for a couple of months now. (Don't worry, their food was good but nothing compares to yours.)
It's odd that your headmaster would word his warning about the third floor corridor like that. It was a good idea of yours to tell Daggerclaw. He wrote us to keep us informed that the headmaster backtracked and tried to pass it off as some' personal experiments he was working on and didn't want any interruptions.' You could practically HEAR the eyeroll from Daggerclaw. Anyway, that is being handled so you need not go investigate.
I'm glad that the efforts of the PTA is paying off handsomely, it was heart-wrenching to find out that if we hadn't intervened, your education would've been severely disorganized. Who lets a school operate without offering general education classes or etiquette and customs for those new to the magical world? Sometimes I think Dumbledore was dropped on his head as a child… (Don't you dare repeat that to anyone!) Dudley's written and said he's getting settled into his new school as well; he's found that he's becoming popular once everyone found out that he plays the guitar. Beyond that, there's really not much to talk about. The garden and greenhouse is doing fine though the broccoli didn't make it. It wilted two days after I transplanted it and I don't know why. The weather is as it always is around here.
Love,
Aunt Petunia
Wizarding Studies Classroom
Harry entered the classroom carrying the partial remains of a wrapped sandwich in one hand and a bag in the other. He shrugged off his backpack and set it down on his chair before unzipping the top pocket and removing his books and notepaper. He put the bag inside and lightly zipped it back up. He took another bite of the sandwich and sat on top of his desk waiting for everyone else to show up.
His teacher, Charity Burbage looked up puzzled and occasionally sniffing the air. She spotted him where he was sitting and munching on his sandwich, "Mr. Potter? What are you eating and why in this class?"
He paused and examined his sandwich, "It's uh… barbecued chicken in a Cajun spice glaze… grilled Muenster cheese on toasted sourdough and I'm sorry about that. I didn't want to sit down in the Great Hall for lunch."
Still she was puzzled, "But why go through all that? It seems like an odd assortment of food."
Harry shrugged, "I felt like experimenting. It's not bad though, you want to try some?" Charity made a face and shook her head no.
Dinner time rolled around and once again, Albus felt that the universe was conspiring against him. Every time he sat down on his chair in his office, it changed from that wonderful ornate styling to something hideously boring like one would find in a monastery! Even his 'throne' in the Great Hall changed to a mundane wooden chair prompting whispers and finger-pointing. He could see several of the children immediately look over to where the Weasley Twins were sitting but judging by the looks on their faces, they were surprisingly innocent for once. It wasn't just his chair that would change into something plain and ordinary. His colorful robes would undergo a similar transformation. Whenever he was alone, they were as he'd purchased them; today's ensemble was a lurid purple with bright orange starbursts and glittery green rhinestones around the collar. However, the moment he was in public, they changed into a drab, muted bluish-grey with the most basic black piping around the cuffs and front half of the collar.
He sighed internally, it was just another thing he'd have to suffer until he figured out how to get that damn Goblin out of his castle. Albus was sure that the meddlesome beast was behind it all.
Recipes used:
Stuffed Chinese Long Beans (Taste Life – Facebook)
Fingerling potato boats with Sardine Genovese filing (Pinterest)
BBQ chicken with a Cajun spiced honey glaze grilled Muenster cheese sandwich on toasted sourdough bread (Personal)
Daggerclaw's phony forms and items:
Prop wash = Prank used on newbies in the aviation industry. In reality, a bucket of soapy water.
Cesspool Sucker = No such item exists.
Skirting board ladder = No such item exists.
Acetylsalicylic acid = scientific name for aspirin
1-LOS-E/R = 1 Loser
ID-10T/2 = Idiot 2
A/BU-(2T)H-EAD = A butthead
N1M-ROD = Nimrod (submitted by Rhys Thornbery)
A55-BA5K-ET = Ass basket (submitted by Rhys Thornbery)
FO-0L = Fool (submitted by Rhys Thornbery)
