Coiled Cobra

Sir Meta Knightreplied to your comment: You are correct, Luigi, and I admire your courage to come forward and speak your mind. It brings a great degree of pride to be first, but that doesn't make someone better than anyone else. It does not make the friendships you've established more or less valuable. You are still the same people who came together in April. I also understand your frustration and ambivalence toward the tier list. One should not judge another based on what someone or something else tells them, but the document in question has made some of your fellow Smashers do just that. I have seen the tier list, and though I am proud that my pupil is among those at the top, I hope he does not let it get to him.

Isai liked your comment.

Isai replied to your comment: You tell them, bud! They have no right to dump on you just because of a piece of paper! I've attended most of your matches, and let me tell you, you've rocked the house. You are by far my favorite Smash fighter, and I look forward to maining you and seeing more of you in action. God bless, and take care, L.

Luigi smiled at the hits and positive comments his post had received. Finally, he was making some waves! He had already followed Meta's blog and decided to wait a while before following Isai's. Maybe he'd look harder at the audience before a match began, in order to identify his supporters.

However, he wondered why the bearer of Galaxia didn't offer his name up for consideration in this tournament. He was a fearsome knight, the only viable match for Kirby in battle. Maybe he'd ask him later.

"L? Five minutes!" called a Polygon who'd poked its head into Luigi's room.

"Okay, thanks," said Luigi, signing off the computer. He put on some deodorant and followed the Polygon to the designated stage.

The front row was already occupied, erupting in a massive cheer when Luigi arrived. The man in green lit up like a glowstick the minute he saw his big bro, and he waved enthusiastically to him. To Mario's left and right were Link and Ness, respectively. Luigi also saw Samus, DK, Kirby, Pikachu and Jiggs, smiling and blowing him kisses. Rounding out the front row population were a few old New York buddies, Stanley, Pauline—and Meta Knight and Isai! Isai was in full cosplayer gear, holding up a sign which proclaimed, LUIGI #1! The green-clad plumber blushed, the sudden rush of affection bringing tears to his eyes. Quickly, he brushed them away and psyched himself up. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this!

And with the encouraging crowd pepping him up, he did.

As he was being rewarded the victor's spoils, Luigi broke into a silly shuffle dance, finishing with a wave to his supportive audience.


Shortly after Luigi's match, Samus found herself back in the gym, astride the stationary bicycle, pedaling for all she was worth. Her headphones were plugged into her portable CD player, snugly tucked into the pocket of her gym shorts. Eyes closed, breath coming out in noisy bursts, she let everything else fall away. Not just the list but also Falcon's smarminess. He was a handsome guy, and she couldn't get him out of her mind, but if he didn't come to his senses soon, then they would be over before they really began!

Outside, Master Hand chatted with the Polygon in charge of the facility.

"She's been in there for most of her free time," said the Polygon. "If she's not on some cardio machine, then she's swinging at the punching bag."

"I suppose she's taking it well," said Master.

"Better than most," shrugged the Polygon.

Quietly, the glove entered the gym and observed Samus in her imagined bike race, pretending she was biking across her native climate. Without her armor, the bounty hunter looked a bit—petite. Master was aware of the Polygon casting lingering gazes at her muscular, 5'8" frame, her sloping, tight tummy, strands of her blond hair working their way free of her ponytail and dangling before her face, fanning in and out as she breathed, the sweat giving sparkly hues to her skin. She smiled, eyes still closed, as she sunk further and further into her workout.

"Go take your break," Master ordered the Polygon. "I'll watch the facility in the meantime."

The Polygon nodded, sneaked one last look at Samus, and then left. That was when Master noticed that the Polygon had Falcon's build.

Master slid into the chair the Polygon had vacated, watching the gym, watching for entries and exits and watching Samus lunging into her cardio. The sight of her sweat-bathed form and the sound of her aggressive, open-mouthed exhales reminded the glove why he'd come here. Faithfully, he waited forty-five minutes before Samus slowed her legs, powered off the machine and dismounted, taking a big swig of ICE Sparkling water and draping a gym towel over her shoulders.

"You've been here this whole time?" she asked without even looking at Master.

"Yes. The Polygon's on a break."

"Hmm. Sure."

"So, how are you, Sam?"

"Peachy. Why?"

"I couldn't help but notice how you've hogged the gym since—you know."

"And your point?"

"You've seemed a little upset."

"I was, believe me," sighed Samus. "Then, I had Ridley salting the wound. But I feel better now."

"I'm happy for that," said Master, "Now, I get that 8th place isn't all that great, but you're still the Intergalactic Space Warrior. You're the woman who took on Mother Brain and won. Don't think that because of this list, you're no longer a good bounty hunter. I had this talk with DK, Ness and Link, too."

"Well, you don't need to have the talk with L," crowed Samus. "He's already over it. He's the reason why I feel better."

"Yeah, I'm noticing you five interacting more," said Master. "That's well. But the others are still your friends."

"Tell that to Fox and Mr. Big Stuff Falcon," snorted Samus.

"I'll take them aside on this matter soon," promised Master.

"Okay," said Samus. "Thanks for stopping by."

Master watched as she strode out of the gym.


Happy, upbeat music played inside the ice-cream parlor as Pikachu and Kirby padded in. Not sauntered, but entered. Pikachu's paw was entwined with Kirby's stump as they approached the counter.

"What can I get you?" asked the friendly Polygon manning the cash register.

The duo ordered a banana split. Together, they carried it to a seat by the window, where they proceeded to scoop up small spoonfuls and level them into each other's mouths.

It was more than a banana split. It was a simple self-reward over being ranked so high, a chance for them to celebrate their achievement together without drawing any attention. For Kirby and Pikachu, it was like a first date. They'd fallen in love from the moment the pink fluffball had assuaged Pikachu's separation anxiety and home sickness. Flirtily feeding each other a banana split, the duo felt closer than ever. All that was missing was a singer serenading them with a love ballad.

Kirby's face (body?) was smeared with whipped cream and fudge, while Pikachu had strawberry ice-cream plastered all over his lips. The S tiers giggled at the mess they were making and then proceeded to lick away. Once they were licked clean, they proceeded to get messy and sticky again as the Polygon amusedly looked on.

Ah, young love.

"Hello, you two."

Pikachu and Kirby turned at the sound of Master's voice. He floated at the parlor's entrance, smiling wryly.

"I must say, you make an adorable couple," Master went on.

"Pika"-ing and "poyo"-ing nearly drowned him out.

"Just friends, you say? Well, judging by the fun you're having with that ice cream, your friendship could turn into—something more."

"Poyo, poyo, poyo, poy, poyoyo, po-poyo, poyo," admitted Kirby.

"Oh, so you're celebrating about the tier list?" asked Master.

"Poyo," nodded Kirby.

"It's good to be happy, and I admit, it's something to celebrate. Just—don't get too carried away, all right? You can't fight if you're stuffed to the gills."

"Pika, pika, pika-pi," Pikachu piped up.

"Oh, definitely. I'm certain that Ash would be extremely proud to hear this," said Master, referring to the electric mouse's young trainer. Turning to Kirby, he added, "The citizens of Dreamland, especially Sir Meta Knight, would be extremely proud of their little hero."

"Pika," said Pikachu.

"Your fellow Pokémon would also be happy for you," Master said to him, "and Mist would definitely be jumping for joy. Is she still with Ash?"

Pikachu nodded.

"It's clear that those in your home world will have greater reason to regale you," said Master, "but remember, your placement on the tier list does not mean special privileges. You still have to follow the rules."

"Pika."

"Poyo."

"Besides, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're better than all the rest. You just have better match-ups on the battlefield."

"Poyo, poyo, poyo, poyo, po, poy, po-poyo, poyoyo," Kirby said softly.

"Good going, Kirby. Not letting your rankings sour your friendships is a wise move," said Master, "but I must warn you, some Smashers will."

"Pika?" queried Pikachu.

"Because—that's just the way they are."

Kirby bit his lip. "Poyo, poyo."

"Wait—what about Luigi?"

"Poyo, poyo, poyo, poyo, po-poyo," Kirby sighed sadly.

"It's natural to be upset over something. It leaves—a bitter taste in the mouth. But Luigi's a strong man. He's seeing the other C tiers through and making his voice heard on our blog. Actually, he's quite good on the battlefield with his powerful attacks. It's his floatiness, high short hop and awkwardness which hinders him. All about the physics."

"Pika, pika, pika."

"Poyo!" chirped Kirby.

Master smiled. "Good thinking! Luigi can use his poor traction to his advantage. Maybe if we do another tournament, I'll teach the fighters a thing I like to call 'wavedashing'. Like I said, being last on the tier list doesn't necessarily make him bad."

Kirby and Pikachu animatedly discussed the matter among themselves over their banana split.

"Perhaps you'd like to save some of that for him?" offered Master. "To cheer him up?"

"YES!"

The moment was broken as Falcon and Fox pompously sauntered into the parlor.

"Douglas, you scared me!" cried Master. "What brings you two here?"

"Guess what, MH—we're with the champions!" announced Falcon, "and we wanna celebrate with a nice sundae on the house!"

"Sorry, you two, but you'll have to pay up like everyone else."

Fox and Falcon protested loudly.

"Can we at least get a discount?" Falcon ventured to ask.

Kirby broke in with a firm "Poyo!"

"Heavy hangs the head that last night wore the crown," admonished the glove with a wag of his finger.

"Whatever!" snapped Falcon. "Can we get something sweet, please?"

"Only if you can pay for it."

The Polygon managed to convince Falcon and Fox to pay the full cost for a premium sundae each. Kirby and Pikachu cast them disapproving looks as they took their seats and dug into their treats with over-the-top bragging.

"I'd better go see about the others," Master said to them. "Let me know if you need anything. Fox, Falcon—try to behave."

The duo grunted.

Master was about to make his exit when he heard this:

"Hey, Fox, maybe later we can go get that last-place loser; see how low he is," proposed Douglas.

"Ah. I'm in."

Kirby and Pikachu exchanged alarmed glances. They had to warn Luigi!

"I didn't hear that," murmured Master Hand, "and I strongly suggest that I don't hear it again."

He floated back to his office, leaving the four to their own affairs. After planning out the day's final wave of matches, he perused the security monitors for a while, eventually drifting off to sleep—


"Headed somewhere?"

The Polygon in the Training Area swiveled round. "I'm just taking a bathroom break."

Luigi nodded. "I'll be waiting when you get back."

As the form went off to attend to its business, Luigi stood, too wired to sit. It had happened again. He'd received several sardonic responses to his post, and some bloggers had exercised no restraint in lambasting him. Passing the ice-cream parlor, he'd heard Douglas and Fox, bragging up a storm. What was with those two? Why couldn't they be like Pikachu and Kirby, still friendly and welcoming and open? No worries, though—he'd bring their distorted worldview crashing down on them!

Hardly two minutes later had the Polygon reemerged. "I'm back."

Luigi said nothing as he walked up to the Polygon. As he drew closer, he realized that this Polygon looked similar to a certain uppity racer. Taking his time, Luigi looked his training partner up and down, thoroughly inspecting the Polygon as a child would inspect a yummy dessert before eating it. He saw fear registering on the Polygon's face and responded by closing off the remaining space between them. Excitement brewed within him as he touched his bulbous nose to the Polygon's. His mouth curved upwards into a smile the Polygon hoped never to see again. Face darkening, Luigi circled the Polygon like a band of bandits circling a wagon, with the Polygon trying to follow the plumber's stare. Blue eyes glided over the etchings of the Polygon's abs, imagining that they were Falcon's abs, rippling beneath that racer costume. He started breathing erratically, licking his lips as he allowed himself to picture his fists meeting that ripped torso, furious reds, ugly greenish-browns and purples blooming all over his marvelous, handsome physique. His stomach puffing in and out as he gasped for breath—oh, Luigi would make sure that it hurt to breathe. Then, he fantasized blood slowly drooling from wounds on Falcon's ab-tastic frame and his charming, square face. Looking into the smarmy Captain's masked eyes and seeing pain and fear—and now he could see him crumpled on the floor, remorseful and ashamed over trashing him so, quivering—and being the nice person he was, Luigi would be merciful. But the Captain would learn—as would Fox.

The Polygon barely saw the fist coming.

Luigi yelled, a passionate sound, as he sent another fist flying into the Polygon. He rained blow after blow on his training partner. Said training partner was caught off guard, not expecting such an offensive from the man in green. Its body was sturdy, and it tried to return some of the attacks dealt to it. But Luigi had the jump on him, setting ravenously on the stomach area until it hurt to stand straight and then whaling away at the face, continuing to yell and yell and yell, his movements becoming more animated, and the more he trained, the more wired he grew.

The Polygon had no room to advance. He could only scuttle backward, Luigi's assault eventually forcing the being into a corner of the room. Now, all he could do was hold his ground as the plumber continued to attack from everywhere, hollering and sweating and pretending it was "Show Me Your Moves" Falcon or some other higher tier sneering down at him. Good thing Luigi had a good imagination—it was hard to see injuries on the Polygon's purple body. The training session went on for what seemed like hours but was actually three-and-a-half.

"Excuse me, sir. Would you like me to relieve you?"

The action halted. Mario had entered the Training Area, scrutinizing the scene before him.

"Thank Heaven you've come," sighed the Polygon. "He's all yours!" And with that, it limped away.

Mario waited as Luigi calmed himself down. "Nice to see you, Bro."

"Nice to see you, too."

Then, Mario strode up to his baby bro because he looked like he needed him, and without a word, he hugged him.

"I bet I can withstand your attacks more than that Polygon," said Mario.

"I bet I can topple you right here, right now," Luigi shot back. "Best of seven?"

"You're on."

A pulse-racing brotherly battle ensued in the Training Area, Luigi reminding Mario about his lie by omission earlier, and Mario seeing the key similarities to and differences from his brother. Nobody else dared enter that Training Area as the Mario Bros relentlessly comboed and bodied each other, sweating out everything that had happened so far. Luigi's excitement and anticipation sprouted as the hours sparring with Mario passed. He was a cobra, coiled and hissing, ready to strike and sink its teeth into an unsuspecting intruder. He was a Bob-omb, fuse lit, seconds from blowing. Many metaphors could be used to compare to him, all of them volatile. This man in green hoped that everyone was watching—and that the makers of that stupid list were praying!

After all you put me through,
You think I'd despise you,
But in the end I wanna thank you,
'Cause you've made me that much stronger.

Well I, I thought I knew you, thinkin' that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough!
You were there by my side, always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames 'cause your greed sold me out in shame!

After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable I am to pull through!
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

[Chorus:]

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter!
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter!

Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I'd realize your game
I heard you're going round playing the victim now
But don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame!
'Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies 'cause you're wanting to haunt me
But that won't work anymore, no more,
It's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down!
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

[Chorus]

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel?
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME!

I am a fighter and I
I ain't gonna stop!
There is no turning back
I've had enough!

[Chorus]

You thought I would forget
But I remembered
'Cause I remembered
I remembered
You thought I would forget
I remembered
'Cause I remembered
I remembered

[Chorus]

-Christina Aguilera, "Fighter"

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