A Tier Interviews: Fox McCloud

You should know the key by now.

TW: Censored language and brief violence


Welcome. This should only take a minute.

I'm gonna hold you to that.

O—kay. Please state your full name and occupation for the record.

My name is Fox McCloud. I am the leader of the Star Fox mercenary team and chief protector of the Lylat System.

Okay, Fox, we're going to ask you a couple of questions about the first tournament. I would like you to answer honestly and to the best of your ability.

Uh, okay.

I hope we don't have a repeat of Captain Falcon's interview.

I make no promises.

Before we begin, Fox, I want you to know that you don't stand accused of anything—at least, not yet.

All right. Will I be done before my next match?

Probably. Are you ready to begin?

Yes, I am.

Fox, is it true that you were ranked fourth on the first tier list in 1999?

Yes, right next to Captain Falcon.

Is it true that you were good friends with him?

Yes, it is.

Is it true that you spent the majority of the tournament with Douglas Jay Falcon?

Indeed, I did.

And is it true that you were exclusively in his company after the tier list came out?

Yes.

Could you describe your relationship with the Smashers before the tier list?

They were good people. The best friends I'd ever had. I was a little homesick at first; I missed my usual bantering with Falco. But then I got to know these cool characters from different universes and decided, hey, they're not too bad. They were strong fighters, all of them, and I was happy to challenge my skills against theirs.

Now, could you describe your relationship with the Smashers after the tier list?

Gee, where do I begin? As soon as I saw the list, I felt that Douglas and I were—kindred spirits.

And the rest of us could drop dead, is that what you're saying?

[Sigh] Mario…

Don't worry about it. I get what he's feeling. I did some things that I'm not particularly proud of.

Then why did you do them?

After the tier list came out, I felt—proud. Not only that, but also—more important than the other fighters. And I'm sure Falcon felt the same way, too. Maybe that's why we were drawn to each other. I mean, my first taunt consisted of me scoffing.

Let's focus on your relationship with the lower-ranked fighters. Did you feel superior to them during the course of the tournament?

Yes.

And why is that?

I was invited to a lot of social events. Bashes, galas, conventions, combo exhibitions—you name it. I actually got to neck with the S tiers, Pikachu and Kirby, which was an honor. I mean, the lower tiers didn't get that privilege.

Were you aware that Pikachu and Kirby were friendly with the lower tiers?

Yes, Mario. I was. But at the time, I didn't see why. And now I do. They didn't want to break off their friendships.

So why did you?

Being a mercenary and a hero—it kinda gets to your head sometimes.

Were there a lot of tensions between you and the lower-tiers in 1999?

I could feel the tension. They were giving me the stinkeye—especially the C tiers. I knew that their guards were up.

That was actually my next question. How guarded were the lower-ranked in their interactions with you?

Very guarded.

Could you rank that on a scale of 1 to 10?

NEIN, NEIN, NEIN, NEIN, NEIN, NEIN! Oh, I'm sorry—9.

Uh—okay. I'm sure Mr. Game and Watch would approve of that. Now, where were we? Oh—did you exhibit saltiness in any way if you lost to a lower-ranked fighter?

Not that I recall.

At this time, I would like to introduce Exhibit A—Link's handwritten testimony of a battle between you and him. This battle took place on Sector Z on September 23, 1999. According to this testimony, you spent the entire match talking down to Link, and while you were getting mouthy with him, you fell victim to the stage hazards and lost. During the awards ceremony, you refused to acknowledge your carelessness and threw a little hissy-fit similar to your friend Falcon's after he lost his Team Battle. Except that he had no teammate to take it out on. At one point, you said, and I quote: "The little elf boy was just lucky today. But I'll smoke him next time."

Did you say that, Fox?

Yes. Yes, I did.

And did you try to make a scapegoat out of someone if you lost a match to a lower-tier fighter?

Yes, many times. I also tried to blame the stage hazards.

Well, there's some truth in that. Maybe if you weren't getting catty or cocky and had paid attention to those stage hazards…

Mario…

It's cool, Master Hand.

Fox, is it true that you felt invincible to losing, which is why you acted as stated in Link's written testimony?

Yes.

Is it true that you displayed a contemptuous, condescending and dare I say bullying attitude toward the lower tiers in 1999?

Y-yes.

And is it true that you eventually learned from your mistakes after losing to lower tier fighters?

Yes.

Mario, is there anything you'd like to say before we move on?

No, except that it was wrong for me to act like I did with Falcon. I was just so—set off by his attitude, you know? Like—he didn't care. I at least hope Fox knows what he's done and respects himself enough to admit it.

Trust me, Mario, I'm a changed fox.

We'll see about that.

All right, Fox. These next questions will focus on your relationship with a particular fighter on the roster.

Oh, boy.

Hey, relax. We're not gonna eat you—at least, not yet.

Describe your relationship with Luigi prior to the tier list.

Okay, uh—well—Luigi and I were pretty tight in those halcyon days. He, Falcon, Ness and Jiggs would play Twister a lot, and I would be the one spinning the spinner and calling out, "Right hand this" or "Right foot that". We'd spend a lot of time in the library and the lounge, too. I liked him because he was loving and welcoming but also protective of his loved ones.

And when I put that list up, how did that change?

I—Luigi wasn't my top priority anymore. Now that I was part of the elite squad, I had no business hanging around with mediocre fighters like him. I had Falcon, Kirby and Pikachu. L and I—we drifted apart after the tier list was released. I'm telling you, my chest was swollen, I felt like the popular kid in class—

And that's your excuse to throw Luigi under the bus?

I'm not excusing it. It was just how I was. Young and foolish—

Save the dramatics, Fox, because I'm not having any of it.

Mario, do I have to ask you to leave again?

[muttering]

Fox, based on Luigi's ranking, did you think that he was useless on the battlefield?

Of course I did! He was in last place! Last freaking place! What good would he do in an epic gathering of warriors—except get in people's way! I watched his matches, and I could see why he was placed last—look how awkward and clumsy he was!

You're getting on my nerves, Fox.

Based on that reasoning, is it true that your friendship with Luigi fell astray in the weeks following?

Yes.

Did you ever poke fun at Luigi over his tier rank with respect to yours?

Yes. I scoffed at him, I thumbed my nose at him and I looked down on and talked down to him.

While engaged in a battle with him, did you bring up your tier rank with respect to his in any way?

[Pause] Yes. One time. We were fighting on Sector Z, and I was losing badly. I called my team for help. I guess I got distracted, and Luigi knocked my earpiece from me before disarming me of my Blaster. It only got worse and worse until I was clinging to the ledge, badly damaged and on my last stock. I was angry and frustrated, and I—blurted something out.

What did you blurt out?

I said, "No! I am not losing to the worst character in the game!"

You DIDN'T.

I'm sorry, Mario. I'm sorry you had to find out like this. But I'm telling you, I didn't mean to say it. It—slipped out. And I'll never forget Luigi's eyes as long as I live. I hurt him terribly that day.

Yes, you did. And did you ever apologize? Did you?!

Yes, of course, Mario! Geez, what is with you?

Fox, you need to understand what Mario's going through right now. This is a lot to process.

Like I said, Mario, I was young and foolish back then, and I regret what I did, every moment.

Did you ever sense that being last adversely affected Luigi's morale, self-esteem and likely his psyche?

Like I said, I could care less about him, so—no.

How dare you! [lunges for Fox]

[trying to restrain Mario] Get a grip or so help me I will suspend you for a month!

Do I look like a give a [bleep]?!

No. No, you don't. But Fox, you were there when Luigi saw his ranking. You must've seen how upset he was. If you were friends, then did you at least try to console him?

[hangs his head] I'm sorry. I was just too—caught up in my own ranking.

You didn't see his face crumple or the light die in his eyes. That unpleasant experience fell to me!

Well, I'm sorry for that, too.

Oh, you're going to be.

Fox, you told us that you were close friends with Captain Falcon. Is it true that the two of you teamed up to pull bathroom pranks on Luigi?

Yes, but they were fake. We didn't throw actual urine or feces on him!

Fake or not—you prided yourselves in tormenting him!

We didn't want to torment him in any way! We were just having fun, all right?!

Oh, that's funny. Because Falcon said something along those lines when we were interviewing him!

Well, it's true! We were having a good time and—

[jumps Fox and pummels him similar to what he did with Falcon] And you had your fun at Weegee's expense, didn't you?! You tortured him! You spat in his face and you turned your back on him when he needed you most! [continues punching Fox]

[pulls Mario off] I've had enough! You are suspended for two weeks.

Oh, you're treating me like the bad guy here? Who do you think you are?

Four weeks.

How about I quit?

There are things in this tournament that only I should handle, Mario.

That's not the lie you told me when you made me the spokesperson of Smash!

You need to step outside and cool off. Immediately!

[angry muttering, door slamming]

In addition to helping Falcon pull off the bathroom pranks, did you condone Falcon's behavior toward Luigi that night in the lounge?

I was drunk, so I have no way of telling you. If I was sober—probably not.

Is it true that you were held around the waist during the incident?

Yes, by Mario.

If you had been sober, would you have condoned Luigi's reaction to Falcon's behavior?

Maybe.

If you were in Luigi's position, would you have condoned that reaction?

[Bleep] right I would've.

And would you have condoned Luigi's later actions against the tier list itself?

Yes, definitely.

One last question—is it true that you eventually made up with Luigi upon seeing the error of your ways?

Yes, I did. And we've been close friends ever since.

Do you certify that your responses are the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

I do.

Hey, Mario. You can come back in now.

[door opening, footsteps]

Is there anything you'd like to say to Fox?

I shouldn't have exploded like that. I overreacted.

Yes, you did. But it was your right as an elder brother.

Okay, Mario. You're un-suspended. But if you want to continue assisting me, you have to keep it together. Can you do that for me?

I'll try.

Don't try—do.

Yes, Master Hand.

You are dismissed, Fox.


The worst is over, thank goodness. Please review.