B Tier Interviews: Jigglypuff
Before we begin, could you please state your name for the record?
I'm Jigglypuff, also known as Purin, Rondoudou and Pummeluff. I am a Fairy-type Balloon Pokémon from the Kanto region. So, are you here to interview me? Pikachu and Kirby kinda told me what to expect.
You'll be out of here before you know it, Jiggs.
I'm still kinda nervous, though.
There's nothing to be nervous about. Unless, of course, you're keeping something from us.
[nervous giggle]
First things first, I'm going to ask you some questions about your experience in 1999. Are you ready?
Puff!
All right. Jiggs, how were you ranked on the tier list in the first Smash tournament?
Sixth. Dead center. Not quite bad, but not very good, either.
Is that how you felt about your ranking?
Yep. Being in the middle has its—challenges. You're—average. Ask my trainers back in Kanto and they'll tell you that I'm better than average.
Is it true that you were the top of the B tier?
Yes, it is.
I'd like you to tell me if you felt you deserved to be ranked higher, and if so, why?
Well, first of all, I'm one of the most kawaii Pokémon in the whole wide world. I have won many tournaments and gained the respect of other Trainers and Gym Leaders by fooling opponents with my adorableness. I Sing them to sleep before knocking them out with a powerful attack. And if my luck holds, then I can always Rest my way to victory. But I guess the list didn't rank cuteness—it ranked the ability to fight.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how upset were you by your ranking?
Around a 4. It wasn't a big deal. I accepted it a fortnight later.
Jigglypuff, how were you treated before the tier list?
I was treated well. Everyone really liked me. They sought my help from sleep problems, which I always remedied using my beautiful melodies. Mario here can attest to that, can't he?
Yes, I can.
And after?
Oh, about the same. Save for two of them whose names I won't mention, thinking they were so much better than me.
I know who you're talking about, Jiggs.
Mario—
I heard what happened. Mario, I understand how you feel, but you shouldn't have freaked out like that. You'll scare people. And Master Hand, cut Mario a little slack. After all, he's a brother protecting his sibling.
O—kay. Aside from those two Smashers, you weren't looked down upon, teased or snubbed?
No, I wasn't.
You were also part of the Formidable Four, is that correct?
Yes, it is. Until you-know-who deserted us.
How did that make you feel?
Angry. I really wanted us back together.
Based on your ranking, did you feel like you couldn't win over the higher tiers?
Not at all! I knew how to use Rest and Sing to catch them off guard.
What about the lower tiers? Did you feel like your wins were guaranteed whenever you faced one of them?
No. I lost to a few of them, but—
That's my next question. Did you ever feel salty after losing to a lower-ranked fighter?
No, but I was a little salty after a higher-ranked fighter beat me.
But you said you didn't—
Let me explain. I wouldn't have minded so much if they didn't make a big song-and-dance over it.
I see.
So—I'm to understand that you didn't associate your ranking with winning or losing, but you got a little upset after losing to a higher tier because they teased you?
Yes, Master Hand.
Were you—teased for being unlockable?
Ah, just the usual "You're a secret character; we haven't unlocked you yet" stuff. But due to my hard work and training, I earned a lot of clout in surprisingly little time!
Thanks, Jigglypuff. Now, these next questions will focus on a specific fighter on the roster.
I see where this is going. Well, here goes…
What were your first impressions of Luigi?
Shy and clumsy, yet funny and smart. He brought the Formidable Four together.
He thought up of that nickname?
Yes. We'd do lots of things together, like play board games, play Twister—stuff like that.
On the day I put the list up, you four were playing Twister, am I right?
Yes. And Fox was calling out directions.
What happened then?
We were all twisted up when Samus came in and told us the news. Fox dropped the spinner and sprinted out, and we untangled ourselves and followed him.
Did you see Luigi's reaction?
…not at first. Being stuck in the middle kinda sideswiped me. But as I heard him cry out, I saw his ranking. I—couldn't believe it.
Did you suspect it would lead to the—breakup—of the Formidable Four?
Goodness, no! I was trying to comfort Luigi and hoping that he would join in. But, he didn't. He was with Fox, celebrating.
In succeeding days, did your feelings toward Luigi change or remain the same?
They remained the same.
Did he distance himself from you, act guarded toward you, in anticipation of a rebuke?
Uh—it's difficult to say. He still spoke to me, but he was giving him a lot of trouble.
Based on your ranking with respect to his, did you believe he stood no chance against you?
No, I did not.
Did you consider him "non-viable"?
I don't even know what that is? Non-viable? It sure leaves a bad taste in my mouth, though. Puff!
It means next-to-useless in tournament play.
I—of course not! I draw on people with Sharpies, not belittle them!
Are you saying that you started drawing on Luigi with your Sharpie after the tier list was put up?
That's not what I said. And I didn't think Luigi was non-viable—I still don't. Besides, the Sharpie thing started years ago!
You never poked fun at him for being last?
No. How could I when I was the middle?
We're not accusing you of anything, Jiggs.
After I put the tier list up, did you notice that it was adversely affecting Luigi's self-esteem and morale?
I'd find him crying sometimes. I'd find him racing out of the bathroom after a sick toilet prank. I'd see him in his room, decimating dummies. I'd come across him sparring with Mario or some unfortunate Polygon. I'd sit in the stands as he unleashed whatever he was feeling in his matches. He'd talk about what these people would do to him over lunch. It was pretty bad.
Even after I asked them all to knock it off?
Yes, even after that.
Did you think it—also affected his psyche?
I put people to sleep, not read their minds. But—yes, you could say so. Looking back on what happened then and what's going on now—I really think it hurt his psyche.
But then he began rising up against the conventions of being last. What did you think of that?
Are you kidding? I was thinking, "Go get em, L!"
And eventually, the Formidable Four was reconciled?
Uh-huh. It took Luigi beating him by doing absolutely nothing for him to get his you-know-what together. He decorated a nice room for us, treated us to breakfast, and apologized. Now, Ness, Luigi and I weren't sure if we could forgive him, but we figured, why not give him another shot? And I'm glad we did. He really changed for the better.
Just a few more questions, Jiggs. On the night after I put the tier list up, there was a—violent—confrontation between Luigi and an A tier who was also one of the Formidable Four. Did you condone, and do you still condone, Luigi's reaction to the other party after he insulted him and called him a name?
Oh, boy, do I!
And do you also condone the drastic action Luigi took against the tier list itself?
Yep. It was getting on everyone's nerves.
You know, Jiggs, when I saw what Luigi did to that tier list, I couldn't help but notice that the scribbles resembled those from a certain brand of markers.
Hmm.
The thickness, pattern and even the smell of the scribbles clearly pointed to not just any black marker, but a black Sharpie.
Black Sharpie, huh? Which means…?
You're known to use a black Sharpie to stir things up after using Sing, Jigglypuff.
Yeah? And it's never bothered you.
I'm just seeing an odd coincidence with this, Jigglypuff. Luigi erupted on the tier list exactly 25 days after you two had a friendly conversation in the hall. Oh, yes—I know what's going on in my tournament at any time. I'm the Hand of Creation, you know. And during that friendly conversation, there was a transaction which involved—one of your black Sharpies. Would you mind explaining the—correlation—between those two events, Jigglypuff?
What do you mean?!
I mean, my dear Jiggs, is that it was you who lent Luigi that black Sharpie, which thus gave him the means to deface my tier list.
Sharpies were very popular in the 90s, you know!
Did you or did you not give Luigi a black Sharpie so he could angrily cover the tier list in not only scribble but also bad words in his native language?
Jiggs, please, answer the question.
[sings] Jigggggaaaalypuuuuff—Jigga-lyyyyyyy-alyyyyy-puuuuufff—
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
The answer to your question is—yes. And I'm not sorry.
Only one interviewee left...
