B Tier Interviews: Mario

So—I guess it's my turn to come under scrutiny, huh?

Mario, I have every confidence that you meant him no harm—if you did anything. This is just standard procedure. Remember, there was a mark through your tier slot, too.

Uh—okay—let's—get this over with.

All I'm going to do is ask you a few questions. It won't take long.

Okeydokey.

Let's begin by having you state your full name and occupation for the record.

Hello! It's-a me, Mario! Wah-hoo! I first started off as a carpenter, but then I moved on to the plumbing business after two years. Then, I rescued Peach for the first time and now proudly protect the Mushroom Kingdom. Oh, yeah! I also dabble as a doctor, as a boxing referee, as a wrecking crew member, as an all-around sportsman and as a circus trainer, although I prefer not to mention any part of that. A nickname most people like to call me is "Jumpman" because I'm very good at jumping. Whee-hee!

All right, Mario, now I'm going to ask you some personal questions, because there are a few additional factors for me to take into consideration.

Okeydokey—ask away.

How about providing me a brief sketch of your relationship with your brother? Starting from the beginning?

Luigi and I were twins. I was born first, and he came along a few minutes later. We came into this world at University Hospital in Brooklyn, New York. Our parents were second-generation immigrants who worked their way to where they were at the time of our birth. As for our relationship, well, we developed in our mamma's womb together, so I'll let you deduce from that. We were inseparable, napping in the same bassinet together, nursing together—and all of this is according to family stories. When one started to cry, so did the other. Of course, we eventually had to sleep in different beds, but for a while we were in the same room. During lights-out, we'd tell each other stories once we learned to talk. And before then, we were encouraging each other to learn how to walk. One time, I was struggling up and about to plop back down when he toddled over and grabbed onto my hand. It was like—us against the world in those days. Of course, there was the occasional scuffle over a toy or a cartoon or something like that—but we always made up in the end. I was sad when Luigi got a bedroom of his own—but he was growing up and needed his own space, you know?

I see. So—you and Luigi grew up in Brooklyn, is that correct?

Yes. We were very close to our mamma. I could go on for days telling stories of her. She was very beautiful, more beautiful than the Princess. I remember Luigi and I helping her with the housework or cooking with her as swinging 40s standards or crooners or folk tunes played on the record player. The way she kissed away our boo-boos or bought gelato for us as a reward for good grades or punctual behavior or negotiated truces between us—ah, mamma mia. Those happy days in the kitchen with her—that's how we cook so good now. And she taught us to be strong—perhaps that's where Luigi's hidden strengths come from—

It sounds like she loved you very much.

She did. And we loved her even more. But then she was stolen from us—we were still so young—

How did that affect your relationship with Luigi?

We were around eleven years old. Between hearing the news and the funeral, we were kinda numb. But at the gravesite, as they started to lower her into the ground, something clicked, and we realized that she was—gone. We cried in each other's arms for so long. And we made a vow—that no matter what, we'd always take care of each other. We'd always be there for each other. And we'd always protect each other. Forever and ever, till the end of our games. Losing our mother strengthened our bond, and her nurturing, mama bear ways kinda rubbed off on both of us.

Is there anything you'd like to introduce into evidence at this time?

Indeed. Exhibit A—a collection of our childhood photos. Here are our baby pictures, us being weighed, swathed and cuddled—our baptism into the Roman Catholic faith—taking our first steps—as terrible twos—in preschool—starting kindergarten and then real school—and here are all of our class yearbook photos—this is us in middle school—and now high school, and this is around the time we started growing our moustaches—our high school yearbooks—at the senior prom—at graduation—

Mario—Mario—this really isn't necessary—

Oh, I really think it is. Because I don't think you're grasping the depth of our relationship. Regrettably, Luigi was picked on as a kid, but for different reasons—sometimes for his weight and other times for his timid, awkward nature. But—I was also picked on for my weight, and we were both picked on for being Italian-Americans. We ran afoul of a lot of racist, prejudiced and hateful kids. But even though he was being teased, he wouldn't let anyone tease me and get away with it. One time in fourth grade, there was this loudmouthed boy named Mitchell. And while I was passing him, minding my own business, he—called me a derogatory term for Italians. Luigi overheard. And my question to you is—did Mitchell mess with me after that?

Wow—

Wow, indeed. And in the eighth grade, this whiny, stereotyped kid accused me of cheating on a test because I was—well, you know. Long story short, Luigi was sent home with a pink slip, which I thought was unfair. I mean, he really tongue-lashed that snob, but it was in my defense. I can name a plethora of times when he stood up for me as much as I stood up for him. We were brothers, for better or worse.

He got himself into trouble for you?

Not that much trouble. I mean, the worst he got was detention, and that was for a minor scrap on the basketball court, in which, I might add, he acted in self-defense. He was walking away, and then the other kid got rough with him. But we both got him back when we pulled a little prank on him.

Brothers for better or worse—

Exactly. And here we are at Colombia University, Luigi pursuing his Engineering degree while I was pursuing a Microbiology degree. I also studied Literature and Art; I was the captain of the fencing team. Luigi formed an engineering club and studied Arts and Crafts—he really loved working with his hands, rolling up his sleeves and getting sweaty and dirty. I think he boxed for a few years. Can't imagine him boxing, huh? Well, how else is he able to best Team Sonic at the Olympic Games? And—here are some home videos to further supplement what I'm trying to convey to you—

I'll watch those later. Now—when did the trouble start?

The trouble? As in our fame inequality?

Was it after you crawled through a sewer pipe and into the Mushroom Kingdom?

Before we go into that, you need a little background. I was a carpenter and a construction worker while Luigi was a mechanic at some steel works company. I was in love with Pauline and at odds with DK. L—he hadn't met anyone yet, and I guess he saw a little green whenever he saw me with Pauline on my arm. Around 1983, DK and I mended fences, I decided to quit the circus and my career as a carpenter was getting dull. I needed a change-up. Pauline and I decided that we were better off friends, and she met Stanley and soon married him. I was talking about it with Luigi, and he suggested that we become plumbers together. Plumbers! I said to myself, "Why not", and before you know it, we were deep in the sewers of the big apple, making sure everything worked properly. From the bottom up, you know. We were paid very well—Sal, our boss, made sure we were, because we had friends in the unions. So, this went on for about two years, and one ordinary day, we were drawn to this particular pipe, crawled through it, and laid eyes on the Mushroom Kingdom for the first time. We were roped into the effort to rescue Peach from the enemy Koopa tribe. Luigi and I put in equal effort, but when King Koopa was defeated—somehow—I got most of the acknowledgement, along with a kiss and a cake. And that's how Luigi wound up cast into my shadow, risking his life but getting almost zero credit.

It must've been frustrating for him.

It was. Our relationship became complicated after that. Around 1986, we opened Mario Bros. plumbing and focused on household problems rather than sewage problems—paid the bills. We shared the credit for our plumbing jobs, but when Koopa returned again and again to get Peach and we thwarted him, he kept being left out. He was assigned the role of "Player Two", the sidekick, and that was when things became competitive between us. Especially when Peach started hosting those sporting events.

They provided an outlet for his frustration, didn't they?

Yes, and I was happy that he was channeling those feelings for something productive. But it only remedied his situation a little. People began taking cracks at him for being in my shadow. Look at this photo. The two of us are playing a video game—I'm winning and he's losing. See how competitive we're getting?

Overall, how would you sum up your relationship with your brother?

I love my brother very much. I would die for him, and he would die for me. But the introduction of the Mushroom Kingdom and the rescue missions into our lives complicated things, and they continue to complicate things to this day.

If I may, I know a good family therapist who may be able to help you. I'll give you her number after this interview.

Thanks, Master Hand.

Now, I'm going to ask you the questions I asked the others. Are you ready?

Do I have to answer?

Mario, is it true that you were ranked seventh on the first tier list and placed in the B tier?

Yes, right next to Jigglypuff.

How did that make you feel?

Astonished. I mean, after all I did to defend the Mushroom Kingdom, I half expected to be near the top.

Did you feel that the makers of the list didn't take your adventures into consideration?

Yes.

And did you expect to be ranked higher because you're not only the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom but also Nintendo's mascot?

Yes.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how upset were you by your ranking?

6 or 7. But I got over it. I realized that I was still a good hero and a good fighter.

How were you treated prior to the tier list?

Very cordially. I was well-known and well-liked. They respected my fighting style and couldn't wait to face me on the Battlefield. I mean, Link and I clashed a little, but it was over some trivial matter I've long since forgotten.

And after?

It—was still relatively cordial. With the exception of those two, the others still wanted to hang out with me.

Were you looked upon, teased or snubbed?

Master Hand, those two didn't dare to try any of their stunts with me—at least, not to my face. If they did do anything, then it was online or behind my back.

If you won over a higher tier, did they act salty?

Just the A tiers.

And if a lower tier won over you, did you act salty?

Not in the least bit.

How about if you lost to a higher tier? Did you ever think winning over them was impossible?

For the first question, if it was one of those A tiers, and they wouldn't leave me alone about it, then yes, I'd get upset. Otherwise, no. For the second question, I used to, but as I practiced, I got my confidence back. Even heroes have their confidence shaken sometimes.

Did you associate your ranking with winning or losing in any way?

No, I did not.

Did you assign a value to yourself? Did others assign a value to you?

No, and see the note about the A tiers.

Okay. Are you ready for this last part?

I think so.

You told me about your relationship with Luigi. Did it change when I put the tier list up?

I—yes.

How did it change?

I felt so—bad for him. To him, the list was a constant reminder that I was the main attraction, and he was nobody. I wanted to reassure him that the list didn't mean anything. Needless to say, the list made things more—tense and competitive, especially on the battlefield. But I still wanted to make it clear that without his help, Koopa would've defeated me.

Is that what you told him?

Along the lines of that, yes.

Mario—is it true that you sneaked a peek at the tier list before I made the official announcement?

Yes.

So you knew well before Luigi did that he was in last place—the worst fighter on the roster?

Yes. Yes, I did.

Do you mind explaining that, Mario?

I—we were all in our rooms, getting ready for the day. We peeked out and saw you passing by with this—piece of paper. All of us were curious as to what it was. So, after you tacked it onto the board, I slipped in to take a little glance. All I wanted to know was my own ranking before the craze and the hype started. That's how I discovered I was seventh. But as I was about to leave, something occurred to me—

Luigi's ranking.

Yes. I felt I was entitled to know what they thought of him. So, I looked—and there he was, right at the bottom. I was stunned. I knew it was gonna destroy him, that I had to tell him, soften the blow somehow. But I just didn't know how I was gonna break it to him…

What did you tell him, Mario?

I went to his room, watched him dancing and rocking out to tunes on his stereo. He looked so happy and so excited to be here. I saw the same excitement and eagerness in his eyes when we were filling out our applications. He was making new friends and letting out even more aggression stemming from being in the shadows. I greeted him; we made small talk, and he was gushing about this and that—seeing him so full of life and hope and energy—I couldn't do it. I just—couldn't tell him what I knew.

You mean—you lied to him?

Sort of. It was a lie by omission. I told him that I saw the tier list and our rankings, and that he was placed pretty low. I thought that by discouraging him from getting his hopes up too high, it would hurt less.

In other words, you attempted to prepare him for what was coming?

Yes. Yes, I did.

Can you tell me about his reaction?

When the announcement was made, we all crammed there at the bulletin board to see our rankings. All around me were people celebrating or fuming. I didn't want to let on that I knew in advance, so I pretended to react to my ranking, although I'd already accepted it. Jiggs and I were talking—and that's when I heard my brother's cry.

What did he say?

He said, "Are you freaking kidding me?! Last place?!"

And?

I ran over and saw him, pale in the face, staring in abject devastation at the list and where they'd put him. I thought his knees were about to give out. He was muttering, "Oh, my God. Mio Dio. This isn't happening. No way is this happening." And I went and stood next to him, and I felt him looking at me. There was no question that he knew. He knew that I kept this a secret from him. That was why I couldn't tell him. I explained to him why I didn't tell him directly, or at least tried to explain. I wanted to, but—I just couldn't.

Did he understand?

I think so. He told me that he wasn't angry. But our next meeting on the battlefield said otherwise.

Did you observe any differences in the way Luigi was treated?

Pikachu, Kirby, Yoshi, Jiggs and I, along with Sammy, DK, Ness and Link, treated him the same. It was those two A tiers causing all of the trouble. And people on the Internet, with the exception of Isai and Sir Meta Knight, to name a few. Those two, who were friendly with him just hours prior, were now sticking their noses up at him. They were too good for him. They made him feel like he'd never fit in because he was last. I logged onto our blog and saw the most awful posts about Luigi! I flagged them, reported them and even confronted them directly, warning them to stop. But they wouldn't listen to me!

Did your ranking with respect to his increase the competitiveness between you two?

Only if I was the opponent. Otherwise, I was sitting in the middle seat of the front row, cheering him on.

And whenever you were fighting him, did you think a victory over him was guaranteed?

Of course not. You think I'd throw that in his face? Come on, Master Hand.

I'm sure someone tried to split you two up by bringing up not only your higher tier ranking but also the unequal distribution of fame between you.

No, they all went after Luigi directly. Nobody dared involve me in the equation. Cowards.

But I know for a fact that seeing his ranking reminded him of his life in your shadow.

I thought so, too.

Did he ever lash out at you for it, verbally or physically?

Not that I know of.

Did he emotionally distance himself from you?

Quite the opposite. He turned to me for comfort and advice.

After you lied to him?

It wasn't a lie, okay?! It was—a half-truth.

I wasn't being judgmental, Mario. I know why you did it. But for what it's worth, it would've been better if you told him right away.

Uh—thanks?

You're welcome. So, you never poked fun at him for being last, even if you had no intent to hurt him?

No, I did not.

How did you respond to the people making fun of him?

I tried to be nice. I told Luigi to ignore them. I reported abusive posts. But then I began playing a more active role. I posted heated replies to those bullying posts. I sent out warnings for them to back off. I know I should've told you, but I didn't want to come off as a tattletale. And a direct confrontation wasn't going to do me any good, because I knew I was gonna lose it on them.

In the following days, how did the tier list affect Luigi's morale and self-esteem?

He became—obsessed with winning. I mean, if he lost, he didn't get outwardly upset, but he figured that winning meant less teasing. It got pretty bad. He was booed on stage, booed for winning, heckled and had things thrown at him. But he did a good job ignoring them. I'd log in to our blog—I followed him, you know—and I saw paragraphs upon paragraphs of posts condemning those people. Then, he started attacking the tier list, talking about how it broke friendships and encouraged hostile actions against him thanks to the "pecking order" it put into place. There was no holding back—he was really speaking his mind on there. Even those two A tiers weren't safe. I'd hear him in his room, using dummies to practice. By the time he was done, they were barely useable. And on the battlefield was where he really unleashed his rage.

Even you weren't safe?

I guess you're right. Our rankings really brought out that "other side" of our relationship. I'll never forget the fierce look in his eyes as long as I live. I mean, in the lounge or relaxing, we were cool, but on a given stage, all bets were off.

It was great that he was sticking up for himself, but this still hit him hard, is that correct?

I—I'd hear him crying himself to sleep. And I wanted to go in there and crawl into bed with him, hold him, make everything all right. But—at the same time—I saw him looking out for the other C tiers, being their light. And he told me himself that he didn't want to be treated like a little kid. I mean, once I couldn't resist the temptation. I baked some cookies our mamma used to make for us and took them up to his room. As soon as he smelled them, his face lit up. He hugged me like it was the last hug he'd ever give me. It was his way of saying thanks because he didn't want me to see that he was crying. And so we ate cookies and watched some movies, and we fell asleep in each other's arms.

Do you suspect that his psyche was also affected?

Absolutely. Why else is he the way he is on the battlefield nowadays?

But as days became months, he began to rise against the connotations of being last.

Oh, yeah. He was really standing up to these people and letting them know that he wasn't somebody to be walked all over.

How did you feel about that?

Is that a trick question? I was practically jumping for joy!

Just one last thing. Did you condone, and still condone, Luigi's violent reaction to an insult directed to him by a higher tier fighter?

You're darn right I do.

You had a front row seat to the affair, didn't you, Mario?

That's correct.

Then would you mind telling me about that night?

We were all unwinding and preparing for the last wave of matches for the day. Luigi was dancing his butt off—he was positively magnetizing the floor. I saw a drink in his hand, and it was splashing everywhere, but he didn't mind. I mean, the way he rolled his hips and wound his belly—everyone else was shouting to him, and he seemed to respond. Dancing is the best way Luigi expresses himself—still is, you know.

Mario—the incident in question?

Oh, right. We were all dancing and having a good time, right? Luigi had ordered another refill of his drink and was sitting there, catching his breath from all that dancing. Then, we heard a loud drunken voice shout, "Hey! Hey, hey!" And then everything—stopped.

What happened next?

It was Falcon and Fox. I asked them, "Can I help you guys?" To which Captain Falcon responded, "Where is he, the last-place loser. You're the bottom of the food chain, buddy!" He was obviously drunk; I could smell it on his breath, and he was slurring and holding onto Fox for support. And then Fox said, "Somebody here had better explain the pecking order to him, because it's not fun and games anymore!"

Did anyone make a move to get the bouncers?

A Polygon offered to call them, but I decided that it wasn't necessary. I'd handle them.

What did you do?

I asked if they were intoxicated, and they got defensive, saying that they were indulging in guilty pleasures. Jiggs and Sammy told them that they were in no condition to fight their last matches, but obviously, their words went unheeded. Then, I saw Luigi at the counter, stiff as a board, tracing the rim of his glass with a finger. I knew I had to get those two out of there, and fast.

Did you attempt to get them to leave?

I was about to give them the bum's rush when Falcon—called Luigi a name. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Falcon was so kind to Luigi that morning. How could he be acting like this now? It just—struck me dumb.

What did Luigi do then?

He finished his drink and then turned to confront those two. I could tell by his eyes that he was extremely angry.

Did he appear intoxicated?

No. His eyes were clear, he was steady on his feet, and his speech wasn't slurred. He was aware if what he was doing and that it was conventionally "wrong".

And did you at least try to stop him or talk him down?

I called out his name, and he just gave me this look. I knew that I couldn't change his mind. Then, he rolled up his sleeves and advanced on Falcon and Fox. As soon as he put his fists up, I knew that talking him out of it was impossible.

Exactly what did Falcon say to tick Luigi off?

He said, "C'mon, you n—b! You can't hide from us! Let's go! Let's see how low you are!" And when Luigi accepted his challenge, so to speak, Falcon said, "Yes! Time to settle this like men—if you're even capable of doing that!"

Who swung first?

Why, Falcon did, of course. Luigi dodged, retaliated, and boom. They were really going at each other, Falcon operating on liquor and Luigi operating on raw emotion and liquor.

You said he wasn't drunk.

He wasn't as drunk as Falcon. Anyway, things quickly escalated into an all-out sanguinary brawl, and it looked like Fox would jump in any minute, so I tackled him and held him around the waist to prevent that. I was holding him the entire time. About halfway through, Falcon threw a drink in Luigi's face, punched and kneed him repeatedly and then dropped him with an uppercut. That was the turning point. Falcon was standing there, spreading his arms and provoking him. Luigi got up, and he was boiling with fury. I mean, his nostrils were flaring, he was quivering a little, his face was tight, veins were popping out his neck, and his eyes—I hope and I pray never to be on the receiving end of that look, because I know I'll be in for all kinds of Hell.

Why didn't anyone get the bouncers then?

We were too transfixed by the action. Here was the worst-ranked fighter sticking it too an A tier! And then Luigi started hollering and—we were hooked. It was the first time I heard him holler like that. We just let them duke till we heard your announcement. Then, we decided to wind it down. It took a while, but Luigi eventually forgave Falcon and Fox.

And did you condone, and still condone, what Luigi did to the tier list itself?

Yes. Those people were pushing him and pushing him, and he just couldn't take it anymore.

Do you affirm that your responses are the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Yes, I do.

Thank you for coming in to do this interview. You are dismissed.


Next chapter wraps up this little interlude!