RECAP OF CHAPTER 14: Jaune after missing a day of class, struggled to cope with what he learned a mere two days before about Pyrrha's death. Even talks of a possible Christmas party and the promise of playing some Smash brothers at Ruby's place failed to pull him out of his guilt ridden depression.

And then Jaune realized that the reason he felt so good around Ruby was that he was in love with her. This sent him mentally into a literal death spiral before he declared at the end of the chapter to Pyrrha's long abandoned AIM account his intent to end his life.

WARNING: This chapter starts off with an active suicide attempt from the perspective of the party attempting it, if your in any ways set off by this kind of behavior in a character then a recap will be posted at the start of the next chapter.


It took ninety four seconds for Jaune to walk from his computer, where he just stated his intent to take his own life to reach the kitchen. He went straight to the knife drawer and pulled out a long six inch long steak knife and slammed in on the counter next to him. He leaned back against the counter and closed his eyes. He needed to concentrate. He wanted to picture Pyrrha before he did it.

Jaune's mind was racing as his mind tried every last minute self preservation technique it could to stop him from doing what he was about to do. Jaune tried to calm his breathing as he pictured back to the past to try and just see Pyrrha's face in his mind one last time as he did it.


Jaune first saw himself picturing that summer day they had gone to the beach, while neither of them were inclined to go swimming, they both enjoyed the sun on their skin, and Jaune enjoyed the sight of his girlfriend in her modest two piece Bikini as he found himself staring at the freckles on her shoulders more than anything. His only true regret is that they were only able to stay for a few hours, and that Jaune didn't have his sketch book with him at the time.

Pyrrha had, in what was unusual for her, taken the initiative when they started kissing on that beach, leaning over and placing a hand on his chest before they pressed their lips together. Jaune would admit that feeling her against his bare chest was probably one of the best feelings he ever felt...

But like all things, it didn't last.


With his eyes closed and seeing an incomplete and still fuzzy picture of Pyrrha in his mind, placed his hand on the handle of the knife thinking "No... I can do better than that." He tried to paint a more vivid mental image of her reaching back into his memories of her to find more happy memories of his late love.


Jaune's mind then brought him back to a time when as part of a date they planed for months, traveled out to a local RPG convention they had both been excited to attend. Pyrrha had dressed up in stylized white robes that were almost perfectly like those in the class image for "Healer" in their mutual favorite tabletop game. Jaune was there when she took a white silk robe with a hood and had the red triangles sewed into it to complete the look.

Jaune wore a costume involving a store bought black vampire cloak, a re-purposed set of Adult Air soft knee pads that he used as shoulders pads, and a spray painted black Halloween knight armor set for his Dark knight costume.

They walked hand in hand through the convention. Although not a shocking amount of people dressed up for this event many did, and even more carried disposible camera's for the purpose of taking pictures with those in costume. Jaune and Pyrrha got a few calls of praise and a few pictures taken of them together or with other people in costume. Jaune couldn't recall to many times outside of that that he saw Pyrrha's eyes light up as consistently as they did that day.

Heck they even got to sit in on a panel with a couple of the writers of the at the time 'soon to be released third edition' of Dungeon Fantasy were discussing the new game rules. Jaune wouldn't be able to remember much of the panel itself, but he remembered the smile on Pyrrha's face.


Jaune smiled at the memory as he picked up the knife and flipped it in his hand so the blade was facing his chest. As he pressed the tip of it against his chest and pushed slightly against himself causing a sharp pain where the tip of the blade entered, he quickly jerked the knife away as his breath came out in ragged breathes. "Okay shit that hurt a lot worse than I thought it would." Jaune noted as he noticed a small stain of blood appear on his shirt near the small hole the knife made.

Jaune calmed his breath, and took a moment to picture the reason why he's doing this "Your doing this to see Pyrrha again... if she's even there to see." Jaune thought to himself as he lifted the knife to aim it at his chest as far out as his arms would reach.

Jaune focused his thoughts on the act he was commuted to, and the reasons behind it. He tried to silence his screaming sense of self preservation as he looked at the knife aimed at himself.

As he began to pump himself up to do the deed as the sounds of a door opening in his house and someone knocking on the wall to announce an arrival could be heard in his peripheral. Jaune didn't seem to process this new information that his mind and ignored the new data as his mind focused on the task at hand. Jaune looked out as tears streaked down his face and he let out one last mental scream at himself to stop to before he rammed the knife into his own chest.

His mind also ignored the audible gasp to his side as he closed his eyes let out a silent scream and started to pull the knife directly at his own heart!

Jaune wouldn't know what happened next. He felt a weight crash into him, and a high pitched shout of pain but didn't feel the expected sensation of the knife biting into his own chest. in steed he felt an unexpected resistance. When his eyes shot open, the logical part of his mind back firmly in charge struggled to try to take in what the hell just happened.

Jaune's arms were locked in place by a set of smaller arms as a shorter girl with dark hair was looking at him with an expression that was a cross between shock and pain. He didn't know why, but Ruby was there holding his arms in place desperately, and she was bleeding from her right arm just above her wrist.

The horror of what just happened set in as he let threw bloody knife off to the side and quickly went to a nearby drawer to pull out the first aid kit. He threw open the drawer scattering the contents of the drawer in every direction as he pulled the First aid kit out. Jaune glanced over at Ruby who was crying in shock and pain as blood stained the long sleeve of her shirt. on her knee's.

Jaune sat behind Ruby, using his legs to hold her in place as he braced her arm and pulled the sleeve up, it didn't look like the cut was deep enough to require stitches, but it did look like it'd leave a scar. As he got to work disinfecting it as his brain rebooted itself into safe mode so he could focus on treating the injury. He tried to block out the muffled whimpers as Ruby sobbed into her hand while Jaune applied the stinging disinfectant to her arm. His mind cursed at him for being a selfish dick while he began to tightly bandage the cut with a gauze pad and wraped it up.

Once he was satisfied, he hugged Ruby and sobbed openly. Ruby turned to face him, tears streaking down her own face.

That's when she slapped him as hard as she could across the face before single hand signing out [What the hell is wrong with you! Why would try something like that!] in between sobs.

Jaune couldn't find the words to answer, every time he raised his hands to sign a reply he couldn't find the words, eventually he could only sign out a humiliated [I'm sorry] to Ruby as his own tears free flowed from his eyes.

Ruby shook her head and as she tried to compose herself and signed with a shaking hand [Please Jaune you just tried to kill yourself! it's time you talked to me!]

Jaune felt his stomach turn into knots as he realized what he almost did "Gods what was I even thinking, I know how much hell Pyrrha's death put us all through and I was about to dive right in and do the exact same fucking thing!"

Jaune felt a hand cup his face as Ruby held her injured arm to her stomach. he finally found the ability to sign what his mind was thinking. [I... Just couldn't do it. I couldn't fight off the feelings of guilt I was feeling over her.]

Ruby filled in some of the blanks [You... felt guilty because you were alive and she wasn't?]

Jaune knew there was much more to it than that "Now is probably not the best time to admit that I was also feeling guilty that I fell in love with her." before he signed [I just couldn't shake the idea that, if I was there, I might of been able to stop what happened]

[You don't know that.] Ruby signed sadly and with an obvious look of pain in her face. Jaune eyes turned and fixed on the bandages on Ruby's arm, bandages that are their because he was to much of a worthless fucki-

Ruby interrupted that train of thought by turning his face to look at hers [Ignore my arm, I'd do it again in a second.]

That caused Jaune to start sobbing again as she signed [I'm so sorry! I'm too damn weak for my own good.]

Ruby shook her head and was about to say something when they both turned and heard the sound of something dropping to the ground next to them.

Jaune and Ruby looked over at the source of the noise. Both of them were covered in blood with a bloody knife on the floor and the contents of a first aid kit strewn about them. They both looked into the horrified faces of Mina and Ozpin as the adult pair tried to process what the hell was happening.


It was 45 minutes later, Ruby was in the other room, resting up from her injury, Ozpin confirmed that the cut was not deep enough for ruby to need stitches, but confirmed it would leave a noticeable scar in the future.

Jaune had a worse conversation brewing as he sat at the dining room table with Mina who was wiping her eyes and looking at the table, and the steel eyed expression of Ozpin who was staring at Jaune.

"Look I know we don't have anyone who can interpret for us here besides your mother, and you wouldn't be the first student that tried this under my watch, so I won't be doing much yelling here." Ozpin said as he leaned over on to the table "But in the hell was going through your head Jaune."

Jaune felt on the defensive as he held his head with one hand. While ruby had borrowed a shirt from her mother so hers could be disposed of, Jaune still wore the same shirt he was discovered in, the round blood stain at chest level where he lightly test stabbed himself standing out. all he could sign out for himself was [I clearly wasn't] as his upset mother translated.

Ozpin sighed out and tried a different angle. "Jaune, we just want to understand what's going on in your head okay?"

Jaune clenched his fist, still very vulnerable and feeling ever more guilty than he had been feeling when he tried to take his own life less than a full hour before. Jaune signed [Ruby should probably just stay away from me, I was being stupid and selfish!]

Ozpin shook his head after Mina translated, Mina took her turn to speak up "Look baby, I know things have not been great for you, I know the world put you through a lot in the last few months, and I'm more scared for you than mad okay? but you need to talk to us okay?"

Jaune rallied his thoughts and looked up at them pissed off Signing [Because it's all bullshit! Because she lied to my fucking face when she she'd wait till I was old enough to go back west to be with her. Because I missed all the fucking signs of what was really going on in her head!] After letting it all out Jaune slumped over in his seat and forced back a sob before he was able to keep going. [I spent so much time trying to keep her safe. But how could I miss something like that! What kind of worthless fuck am I. I couldn't even see that my own girlfriend was suicidal!]

Mina pulled Jaune into a hug as she held her son as tight as she could while she interpreted for Ozpin.

Ozpin looked like he wanted to say more until there was a knock on the door "Mina stay with your boy, I'll get it." Ozpin went to the door, Jaune could hear Ozpin speak "Hey Tai, Ruby is napping over there, she's not too hurt."

"How is Mina's kid?" he could hear Tai ask Ozpin, which only made feel Jaune feel more like shit.

"It looks like it was more a spur of the moment attempt than anything he was honestly planing out, poor kid got overwhelmed with some recent events in his life. I've seen it happen a few too many times." Ozpin said out of view of Ruby's father. "He didn't even take the time to write out a note."

"Once is to many times. What caused it?" Officer long asked. "The kid is normally a rock, I'm struggling to see what could cause him to try it."

Ozpin looked around the corner for approval. Jaune just went ahead and nodded at him to go ahead as his mother held him trying to comfort him.

"Honestly unless your writing up a report it might be best to allow him to keep some privacy in this mater." Ozpin

"You know best. Look I don't see the need for a report. honestly Ruby doesn't even look like she'll need to go to the hospital over it at this rate..." Jaune heard Tai say. "But you need to help that boy get his head screwed on straight."

"I'm already working on that with his family." Ozpin said.

Jaune stared at the direction of the entry way when Ruby poked her head out at Jaune and sadly smiled waving and signing [See you later okay? Please take care of yourself]

Jaune signed out a [I'll try... and I'm sorry okay?] in reply

Ruby shook her head and signed out [That wasn't you in there when it happened.] Before she was called off by Tai tapping her shoulder to head for the car.

Ozpin also nodded and excused himself for the evening giving Mina a quick kiss and whispering something Jaune couldn't here.

Then Jaune and Mina were alone for the first time. Mina sat down with her son and just looked at him. Jaune barely made eye contact as he signed [I guess I went and ruined everything didn't I?]

Mina rubbed her son's head "Well, you ruined your shirt, but no you didn't run everything." Mina sighed and held her son's head "You would have ruined everything if you succeeded."

Jaune couldn't deny what she was true. [I really am sorry mom, I fucked up bad tonight.]

"I agree with what ruby said, I don't think that was my son doing the thinking. I think you carried around a demon in your head for a while now, probably since Pyrrha died six months ago, and you just never figured out how to kick it out." Mina said. "I think you are a bit too young to remember, but you had to spend a couple months with your Grandparents when you were about three and a half. After your father died I just... stopped. I surrendered for a little while."

Jaune looked at his mother [I can't imagine that]

"I don't talk about it too much kiddo, but I had to get some friends, and a taste for beer to help me kick my demon out. I won't pretend it will be easy but were going to kick yours out together okay?" Mina said as she rested a hand on his shoulder and gave him a little nudge.

Jaune shook his head like he was not fully convinced. So she kept talking "A lot of people in your position don't get 'the day after' to start healing you know. Your a lucky kid in that respect."

Jaune nodded in agreement.

"Were a team Jaune, no matter what it's always been you and me. You pulled me out of that hole so many years ago, and I'm far stronger for it. Your a strong kid too, you jut forgot how to be strong on your own." Mina said with a forced smile "Were going to help you remember how to be strong on your own again."

Jaune felt a wave of calm overtake him, he had to admit that his mother was making sense. "No mater what happens from here, I'm your mother, your my son and we will push past this as a team okay? I'm sure Ozpin will help, as will your friends. But even if it's just the two of us we will push past it. We'll find the demon living in you, and were going to kick it out of you and let it burn in the sunlight okay?"

Jaune nodded no longer struggling with emotions. [I better get to bed, I got school in the morning, and like you said not everyone gets a tomorrow after what happened.]

"Get some sleep and we'll make the most of it okay?" Mina smiled as she rubbed her son's back. "I got to ask you to leave the door open though okay?"

Jaune nodded and went towards bed, he would put the blood stained shirt, a grim reminder of what he almost did in the box with Pyrrha's letter before he laid down.

Mina in the other room picked up the knife as she was cleaning, and just tossed it into the trash can. "I can always buy a new one if we need it."

Jaune slept deeper than he ever had in his life, but as Mina said he did have a day after to live for.


So I can honestly say with a sense of relief, that I'm pretty glad to be past this chapter. I have the benefit of knowing how the story ends, and I knew from the get go that Jaune would come out okay, at the cost of accidentally wounding Ruby in a way that going to leave a scar on her.

Yeah I bet this stopped being the kind of story most people expected from this fandom a while ago I'm sure. But this was one anvil I felt needed to be dropped. If anything I was, and still am rather concerned about writing something like this "Wrong".

We all read a story, not just a fanfic an actual professionally published story where someone attempts to take their own life and it lacks the weight and impact it deserves. I don't mean in terms of why the character does it, I don't think even if externally, the reason someone attempts to take their own life is trivial on the surface means that it's not much of a world ending reason for the person attempting it.

I won't list off any stories I think to handled the subject of suicide badly, but I will use my soap box here to mention another story that I think handles it well. The story "The dark light" by Cur Sombre actually handles the impact of such and event rather well, even if the events leading up to it are a bit OOC. Much of the story after the event handles he fallout and efforts to rebuild the main character of the fic after such an attempt. give a read if you have a chance to.

But seeing as Jaune is still alive and kicking, it's our turn to explore the fallout of the event starting with the next chapter. I hope to see you all there for it.