This is a pretty dark chapter. You have been warned.
Balancing Act
Angel I can see myself in your eyes
Angel won't you feel for me from your heart
Do return my heart to me
No don't insist I'm already hurt
Elephant girl
It was an accident unfortunate
Angel threw me like a rubber man
Aiming for the ground
Why amuse yourself in such way
No don't insist I'm already hurt
Lay me down on the ground softly softly
Don't remove my head hurts much too much
You never return it
Well I wouldn't miss it
I shed no tears for broken me
You never know it my peace of mind
Now inside and outside are matching
Why amuse yourself in such way
No don't insist I'm already hurt
If you never return it
Will it break your wings
Will you shed no tear for broken me
—Blonde Redhead, "Elephant Woman"
The next day…
Master Hand was typing away on his computer when he heard a voice.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything important."
MH looked up at the masked puffball, a blue cape wrapped around his shoulders.
"Sir Meta Knight," he gasped. "I didn't hear you come in. Would you like a seat?"
Meta Knight hopped onto the proffered chair and accepted the glass of wine offered to him. "I understand that Kirby is—having problems in this tournament?"
"Kirby's at the bottom of the tier list—which, I might add, isn't his fault," said MH. "A lot of people are harassing him over it."
"So, I've heard."
"Luigi told me that he contacted you."
"I'm happy he did. We've been friends since I followed his blog back in 1999."
MH took a deep breath. "I don't know if Luigi already told you, but one of Kirby's fellow competitors violently attacked him one night. He had to go to the infirmary. And after that, people started ganging up on him, using him as a ball and dunking him in trash cans. They even started forcing cake down his throat. I—I'm at my wit's end. My punishments seem ineffective, but if I'm too harsh…"
"I understand your predicament," said Meta. "Discipline must be tempered with kindness. But if things get to the point where you have no choice but to expel the offender, then maybe you should. Because that person is both dangerous to and a bad influence on the other Smashers."
"I really hope things don't have to come to that," fretted MH.
"Me, too. But Kirby and I have forged a close relationship. I'm his mentor, his tutor. Remember that in Star Warrior terms, he's still only a child. A child shouldn't have to go through that horror."
"Luigi's trying to help him."
"He told me that Kirby's starting to push him—and his other friends—away."
MH's heart nearly stopped beating. "I…"
"It's time you talked to him and considered increasing the severity of your punishments. I cannot stomach the thought of those pendejos hurting him any longer," said Meta.
"Uh—I'll see if I can get him to open up." MH started feeling sick to his stomach. "Thank you for telling me that, Sir Meta Knight. And thank you for visiting."
"De nada. I understand that you're trying to be benevolent, but there are times when you must assert your authority. I'm sure they'll understand. Por favor, you must help Luigi help Kirby. Because if anything happens to my pupil, then I will not hesitate to avenge him myself."
"I'm positive things won't…" MH blinked and trailed off. The mysterious masked knight had already disappeared.
…
Purposefully, Master Hand floated toward Kirby's room, his thoughts racing, and knocked on the door. "Kirby?" he asked. "Are you in there?"
"Poyo!" Kirby's voice sobbed from within.
"I just wanna check on you," said MH. "Sir Meta Knight visited me and said that—your situation has deteriorated."
"Poyo poyo," sniffled Kirby. "Poyo poyo poyo poyo poyo popoyo poyoy poyoyo poyo poyo."
"Kirby, I know you're hurting, but you've got to let me in," exhorted Master Hand. "When people shut others out, that's usually a bad sign. If need be, I'll expel Fox and the others."
"Poyo poyo poyo popoyo poy."
"Expelling them is a last resort, but if it gets to that point, it will help because he won't hurt you anymore and everyone else will finally get the message," said MH. "Just—can I please come in?"
The door creaked open.
MH floated inside and nearly fainted at what he saw. Kirby, huddled in his room, eyes swollen and bloodshot. Black and purple bruises mottled his body, and there was dried blood around his mouth.
"Kirby—who did this to you?" MH asked softly.
"Poyo."
"G—Ganondorf? Why?"
"Poyo poyo poyoyo poyo poyo. Poyo poyo poy poyo poyoyo poyo popoyo poyo."
"When it comes to villains like Ganondorf, the tier list has nothing to do with it. He just wants an excuse to terrorize the weak. It's up to you not to give him that power."
"Poyo poyo poy!" Kirby said bitterly.
"Kirby…"
"Poyo poyo poyo poyo poyo poyo! Poyo poyo popoyo poyoy poy poyo poyo!"
"I know it's hard to do, but you have to try. Who—who else was involved? Koopa, I presume? They're always working together."
Kirby nodded, showing MH the claw marks on his skin. "Poyo poyo poyo poyoyo?"
"I—I don't know what I'm gonna do yet. But I know that this is getting out of hand. Meta's right—I'll have to take drastic action soon. I won't like it, but I'll have to do it."
Kirby puffed over to his bed and lay down. "Poyo poyoy," he muttered, burying his face into the pillow.
"Kirby, I'm worried about you. All of your friends are worried about you. You don't have to endure this alone."
"Poyo poyo. Poyo poyo poyoyo poyo? Poyo poyo poy poyoy—poyo."
Sighing heavily, the Hand of Creation turned and floated out of the room. God help him, he thought.
…
"Care to explain what happened between you and Kirby?"
Koopa and Ganondorf sat in MH's office, exchanging nervous glances.
"I don't follow," Dorf said finally.
"Oh, I think you do. I went to talk to him, and I found him covered in bruises. You attacked him, didn't you?"
"He started it!" Koopa broke in. "He got fresh with us, so we had to put him in his place!"
"Yeah!" added Dorf.
"Put him in his place? Like Fox had to put him in his place?"
"Well…" said Koopa.
"That's despicable, even for you," said MH. "At least your evil schemes in your home worlds have some substance. But here—you're picking on Kirby just for the fun of it?"
"I grab Peach and try to take over her dominion for the fun of it," argued Koopa.
"I try to use the Triforce to take over Hyrule for the fun of it," Dorf put in.
"That's different from what you're doing to Kirby! He's a child, for God's sake!" MH said in exasperation. "In your home worlds, you go up against experienced adults! Kirby may be a hero, but his worldview is still that of a young boy! You don't need to remind him that he's last on the tier list! Do I need to stop putting up the d—n thing for you to learn?"
Silence.
"You two are suspended until you apologize to Kirby," MH said finally, "and you're lucky that I don't tell Link and Mario about this. They'd love to have your hide for your abuse of their new friend."
"You think I'm afraid of that plumber and that elf-boy?" growled Koopa.
"Do not make me change my mind," warned MH. "You are dismissed."
Grumbling, the two villains stalked off.
…
There was little social media back in 2002, but it didn't take long for word of Dorf and Koopa's attack on Kirby to spread.
The two went through the motions and apologized to Kirby just to get their suspensions lifted, but they quickly wished that they hadn't. For the next few days, it was open season for the two of them on the battlefield. First, Link, Zelda, Sheik and Young Link had their turn with Dorf, and then they practically lined up to battle Koopa. Then, the villains had to face the wrath of Yoshi, Peach, Dr. Mario and the Mario Bros. Finally, Ness, Falcon, Samus, Jiggs, the Ice Climbers and almost everyone else took their shots at Koopa and Dorf. But what they dished out was relatively tame compared to when they battled Luigi.
It could hardly be called a "battle". It was blatantly one-sided, aside from the occasional slash, body slam and Warlock Punch. Master Hand eventually had to penalize Luigi, docking him one knockout point, in order to calm him down. By the time the fight was over, Koopa and Dorf were just as banged up as Kirby.
MH took Luigi aside afterwards.
"Sir Meta Knight visited me a few days ago," he said. "He told me that Kirby's pushing you away. Is that true?"
Luigi sadly nodded. "I—I don't know what to do. I'm sounding like a broken record with my reassurances. I—I feel so helpless."
"I think you're right, Luigi," sighed MH. "If this doesn't stop—I will have to take action."
"Did you talk to Kirby? How did he look?"
"Not too great."
"What do you think I should do, Master Hand?"
MH thought it over. "Keep a weather eye, but don't push too hard. If you suspect an emergency, call 9-1-1 before summoning me, understand?"
"I do."
"In the meantime, hang in there. Getting violent with Kirby's attackers off the battlefield will only make the situation worse."
MH patted Luigi on the shoulder and floated away, leaving the plumber to contemplate his words.
…
And in his room, Kirby remained on his bed, unmoving, crying silently into his pillow. He felt that he was stuck on a roller coaster speeding into the depths of Hell. There was no way he could jump off; he was strapped in. The methods of these monsters were growing more and more macabre. The worst part? Pikachu wasn't there. He wasn't even trying.
The voices of the hostile audience rang in his ears, the booing, the hissing, the catcalling.
Then, he heard the cruel words of his tormentors.
"Filthy casual."
"Stupid."
"F—ing brat."
"Loser."
"Pathetic."
"Baby."
"Is cake the only thing you eat?"
"What kind of hero are you?"
"Get outta here! Nobody wants to be around you."
"God, I'm sick of looking at your face."
"Why don't you just die?"
"Low-tier piece of [bleep]."
"F—face."
"POYO!" roared Kirby, rearing up and throwing his pillow against the wall.
He wanted this to stop—how could he make it stop?!
Robotically, he reached into his drawer and took out the glass shard. Yes. This is better. And he dragged the glass across his skin, the throbbing and the pain taking over the voices, jeers, laughter and memory, tears oozing from his eyes…
Punch.
Kick.
Slash.
Looks of hate.
Fox's Blaster across his face…
Kirby stared at the blood smear on the glass before once again lowering it onto flesh and breaking it—
One cut—
Two cuts—
Three—
Big cuts.
Small cuts.
Always shallow cuts.
This was a circus, and Kirby was a balancing act. But he was losing his balance. Teetering so dangerously. It was only a matter of time before he lost his footing and plummeted earthward.
Meanwhile, a mustachioed man in green restlessly paced his own room, hoping and praying he'd be able to catch the distressed Star Warrior before he hit the ground—
Please R&R.
