Tomorrow Never Came
Chapter 9
Sirius sat at the edge of the bed, still naked with the duvet bundled in his lap to protect his modesty. He was watching Ren pace the bedroom with such ferocity that her dressing gown was billowing out behind her.
They each had a glass of firewhisky in hand, Ren taking large swigs of hers every so often while Sirius tried to sip his as cautiously as possible. He was scared that any sudden movement from him would startle Ren from her intense thought process. For some reason he felt almost like a naughty school boy awaiting punishment from his teacher. Not daring to say anything, Sirius instead opted to sit sheepishly, watch and drink.
The pair has just finished having, what was in Sirius' opinion, some of the most mind-blowing sex he'd ever had but it seemed that on Ren's behalf the post coital bliss was well and truly over.
They had been lying side by side, neither having spoken as they were yet to catch their breath, but Sirius had suddenly felt Ren completely tense up. They turned to look at each other, Sirius' gaze curious and Ren's that of what Sirius could only describe as pure terror. Before he had the chance to say anything Ren had sprung out of bed, thrown a soft looking grey dressing gown over her bare curves, and disappeared down the stairs.
Sirius, completely baffled, had only had time to sit up and swing his legs off the bed with the intention to go after her, before Ren had hurried back up the stairs into the room with two whisky tumblers clasped between her fingers and a bottle of Ogden's in the other hand. She had slammed the glasses down on her dressing table, poured a sizeable amount of whisky in each, and handed one of them to Sirius before taking the other and starting to pace.
That had been about ten minutes ago and Sirius was still sat there, opting to let the woman speak when she was ready. He had more or less gathered, however, that Ren regretted the sex. He was no seer or anything but from her reaction Sirius felt confident in his deduction.
However Sirius himself couldn't say that he regretted it. Sure it probably hadn't been the smartest thing for them to do if they were looking to have a cordial relationship for Harry's sake. But hey, shit happened.
Ren suddenly stopped her pacing so abruptly that it made Sirius jump. She spun around to face him.
"What is wrong with us?" She asked him exasperatedly. Sirius opened his mouth but quickly closed it again. Oh Merlin, where did he begin? He felt sure that Ren's question had been rhetorical but he wanted to try and defuse the tension.
"We'd be here all night if I tried to list all of my issues alone. I could, however, get a chronologically ordered list on your desk by Monday." He said, and he very much had to stop himself from laughing at the look of pure astonishment that washed over Ren's features.
"I-I," She stuttered, completely speechless. 'Uh oh,' Sirius suddenly thought, but it was too little too late. "HOW can you possible make a joke right now?!" She demanded, stalking over to him. Sirius scooted back onto the bed like lightning in an attempt to get away from her wrath.
"Because I thought it was funny!" He admitted without even thinking, which probably wasn't the smartest thing he could have done. Ren froze and looked at him, dumbfounded. She suddenly let out a frustrated sigh, downing the rest of her whisky before banging the glass down on the bedside cabinet. She ran her hands through her curls and sat forcefully down on the bed. Sirius, still backed against the headboard, now felt it was potentially safe to approach her. He gently edged a little bit closer.
"Am I overreacting?" She asked, maybe more to herself then Sirius. This time the Animagus had enough sense to remain silent. Ren looked at him. "I made such a big point of not wanting anything more than to be there for Harry. That was all I wanted." She explained. "And then I jump into bed with you the first chance I get because I'm, what, lonely? An idiot? Because I can't let go of the past? You take your pick."
Sirius couldn't help but feel guilty as Ren expressed her inner battle. "It's just frustrating." She added. "Because I did exactly what I told myself not to."
"I'm sorry." Sirius said, embarrassed, but Ren scoffed before chuckling slightly.
"Don't apologize Sirius. I'm not saying I didn't want it. Or that I didn't enjoy it. That's the problem, I did enjoy it. Probably too much. But that's not what this is about. It's about Harry, not us."
Although unable to deny to himself that Ren admitting she had enjoyed the sex had pleased Sirius greatly, he wanted to reassure her that she didn't need to feel bad about it.
"That doesn't have to change." He insisted, shuffling all the way down the bed, now feeling that it was safe to be within arms reach of the woman. "You're right. It probably wasn't the smartest thing we could have done. But we did it anyway. We fucked. Now we can move past it like adults because again, you're right, this is about you being in Harry's life. Us having sex doesn't have to change that." Sirius reassured Ren, and he could see her visibly relaxing at his words. She nodded in agreement.
"Okay," She said. "Now you're right." Ren smiled. "Sorry for overreacting." Sirius smiled back at her as she apologised sheepishly.
"Don't worry about it. And hey at least this way it's out of our systems and we can move on."
"Yeah. Yeah we can move on that's a good plan." She said as if she was beginning to map out an idea. "You-" She pointed to him. "-Can move on with that singer you're always in the magazines with, she's gorgeous after all-" Sirius' stomach dropped at the mention of 'that singer'.
Shit. He had completely forgotten about Taylor. Ren's remark hadn't been a sly dig of any sort. She had said it with the belief that that was what Sirius would have actually wanted. "-and I'll… I'll find someone to, y'know, go for a drink with or something. Nothing serious but just so we're not dwelling on… this." She gestured between them.
Sirius' stomach now felt like it was about to fall out of his arse. He had to admit to himself that the thought of Ren with another man irritated him greatly, but how could he tell her that? It would contradict everything they had just said.
"Cool," Was all Sirius managed to say in response, and Ren let out what sounded like a very relieved sigh.
"Okay, great." She said. After a moment she rose from the bed and went to collect the bottle of whisky from the dresser. Refilling both of their glasses Ren then sat herself back down in the bed beside Sirius.
They drank in silence for a short while, each of them enjoying the fiery burn of the liquor trickling down their throats while they reflected on the night. It had been like one of those Muggle rollercoaster rides that was for sure.
"Are you going to tell anyone?" Sirius found himself asking. "About the sex, I mean?" Ren ran her tongue along her bottom lip before answering.
"I'll probably tell Loren, but that's because she'll force it out of me either way." She said, and Sirius turned to her in surprise.
"Loren as in… Doctor Loren Jenkinson? From our seventh year?" He asked in disbelief. Ren was still in touch with the batty guidance councillor?!
"The very same." Ren nodded, smiling at Sirius' baffled expression. "She married Professor Mitchell, our Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. You remember him?"
"What?!" Sirius laughed. "No way!"
"Yeah, they've got two little boys. Joshua and Rio." Ren told him. "Leeroy's starting back at Hogwarts when the school reopens as the Defence Professor again, did you know that? McGonagall offered him the job." Sirius shook his head.
"Merlin it's like history is repeating itself." He said, and Ren snorted.
"Bloody hell I hope not. If that was the case then you're due for another stint in Azkaban and I've got another mental breakdown to look forward to."
-x-
The moment Sirius stepped out of the fireplace and into the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place he was greeted by the sound of a bench scraping against the stone floor as Harry scrambled off the wooden seat and across the room in a flurry of footsteps. He stopped inches before Sirius and the man couldn't help but chuckle at the fact that Harry seemed to have been waiting up for him like an expectant mother.
The boy, who had obviously been about to shower Sirius in questions if the way his mouth was hanging open was anything to go by, paused at the sound of his Godfather's laughter.
"What?" He asked, sounding paranoid.
"Nothing… I just feel like I'm about to receive a lecture because I've stayed out late, that's all." Sirius mused in a casual, sarcastic manner.
"Ha ha," Harry deadpanned, both looking and sounding unimpressed. "In all seriousness though- no, don't you dare-" The nineteen year old said suddenly, interrupting Sirius who had clearly been about to make a name based Sirius/serious pun. The man grinned at Harry's interlude. "-I mean it, how did it go? Really?"
Sirius decided to drop the joking act for now. He took a moment to evaluate the evening as he strolled across the kitchen and began to fix himself a drink once he had reached the cabinet in which the alcohol was kept.
The events of the evening played through his mind. To sum it up they'd had an argument at the Beaufort followed by an amazing kiss before heading back to Ren's place and having some wonderful sex. Sirius shook his head at the vision of Ren's face contorted with pure pleasure. He hoped the action would help get it out of his head. Harry didn't need to know about that, that was for sure.
"It went well." Sirius told him instead. "We drank, we reminisced-" He added at Harry's insistent look. "-and I won't lie we bickered a bit." The Boy Who Lived suddenly looked worried and Sirius attempted to rectify that. "But all in all we agreed that we both want to be there for you, and that there's no reason why Ren shouldn't be in your life too."
He swallowed the contents of his glass down in one, by now feeling the buzz from the copious amounts of the amber liquid he had consumed throughout the evening. Sirius briefly wondered if Ren was also feeling the effects. Merlin knew she had put away just as much as he had.
Harry's sigh of relief brought Sirius back to the present.
"Thank Merlin," He said, appeasement oozing from him. "Y'know I was really worried that… that-"
"-That we wouldn't be able to let go of the past?" Sirius finished for him, and at his words Harrys hands wrung together awkwardly as he gave the man before him a sheepish glance.
"I suppose. It just sounds awful when you say it out loud though." He confessed. Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, hoping it would hide the fact that deep down he was also worried about the same thing as Harry.
"We'll all be fine." He said simply. And they would be. He and Ren had each said they'd try to move on and not dwell on what had happened that evening. 'Easier said than done,' Sirius couldn't help but think to himself as Harry nodded at him.
"Good. I hope you both had a nice night anyway. Again thank you for going. I can stop worrying and head up to bed now that you're back." He joked, and Sirius smiled as he watched his Godson make for the door.
"Hey Harry," He called out as he reached the wooden frame, and the boy turned back to him.
"Yeah?" He asked, and Sirius swallowed nervously.
"Invite Ren to Sunday lunch at the Burrow." He instructed. "If she's going to be a member of this family she may as well meet the rest of them."
The request hour had just begun at Muggle Melody, and Ren was scanning through the pile of letters that was forming on her audio console. This was the slot of time in which Ren invited her listeners to request songs that they would like to hear played on the radio.
On Muggle radio stations the listeners would simply ring up and tell the DJ their desired song by phone, but seeing as a lot of Wizarding households didn't own telephone sets Muggle Melody had a direct owling system, as well as a phone line, for people to send in their requests.
The owls would fly into Ren's studio through an open window on the left side of the room, drop the note or letter from their beak into a basket below them and then, without stopping, would fly straight out of an exit window directly opposite the one from which they had entered. It was a simple yet clever one-way system. Ren and the radio producer, Wilfred, would then collect the papers throughout the morning and organise the request playlist, making sure it was ready to go for nine o'clock, the final hour of Ren's broadcast before she signed off for the day.
Ren, however, was currently scowling down at an unfolded note that was from none other than Loren Mitchell.
"Tell me what happened last night, damn you!"
Loren, having not heard from Ren for just over twelve hours after she had left to meet Sirius, appeared to have taken it upon herself to use the open contact line for the request hour as an opportunity to hound Ren for information. This was one of seven notes she had sent her friend, demanding the low down on what had happened when she had seen Sirius for the first time in nearly two decades.
It wasn't that Ren hadn't planned on telling Loren what had happened. She had been so overwhelmed the previous evening that she had straight to bed the moment Sirius had left, and had woken up late that morning, groggy and hungover. She simply hadn't had time to sit down and send Loren a bloody owl with a detailed report of the night's events!
Ren, annoyance at her friend's persistence rising, quickly searched through her music archives until she found a particular song and slipped it into the upcoming music queue, making sure it was the next song to come on.
As the current song playing (Bennie & the Jetts by Elton John, a favourite of hers) came to an end Ren turned on her microphone and leant in to speak before her song/message to Loren began.
"And this next one is for Loren, it's Leave Me Alone by Michael Jackson. Enjoy my friend!" 'There,' She thought as she turned her mic off again as the song started to play. Hopefully Loren would take the hint and stop harassing her at work.
Sitting back, Ren let out a sigh as she found herself mulling over last night once again. She had definitely overreacted. Looking back on it she almost felt bad for Sirius. He had simply sat on the bed, quite calm, as Ren had unleashed a meltdown on him. So they had sex! It wasn't the end of the world! They had sat and talked about it like the grown adults they were, so hopefully there would be no adolescent awkwardness between them when they next saw each other.
Everything was fine (Ren hoped that if she kept telling herself that she'd eventually believe it).
"You okay there, Ren?" Wilfred asked from where he sat on the other side of the desk. "You look like you're thinking hard. That's dangerous that is."
Ren smiled warmly. She liked Wilfred and had a lot of time for him. He was a tall, portly man in his early seventies with a bald head and round glasses through which peeked wide, watery blue eyes. He had been at Muggle Melody for his entire working life, and on Ren's first day he had taken her under his wing and made her feel at home. The two of them made a great team. With Ren as 'the face' of the show (so to speak) and Wilf working his magic behind the scenes, making sure everything ran smoothly, the morning broadcast always went off without a hitch.
"I'm alright Wilfy. I've just had a whirlwind few days, that's all." Ren told him, and Wilf raised a bushy brow and peered over his spectacles at her.
"Well not to be a gossip-" He began, and Ren let out a playful scoff. Wilf was undeniably the office gossip. He never did it in a malicious way by being nasty about people behind their backs, he simply found it impossible to keep anything to himself, and everyone knew it. Wilf was not the person to seek advice from if you had a secret. "-but Di said she saw pictures of you with none other than Harry Potter in some magazine the other day!"
Dinah was Wilf's wife. Ren had met her a number of times and could automatically tell that she was as much of a gossip as her husband. The pair of them were constantly speculating and nattering about something or other. They each had hearts of gold though, that was undeniable.
Ren wasn't surprised that the photos of her and Harry were finally being brought up. She was amazed she'd gone this long without being questioned to be quite honest. She had a feeling that it had been the talk of the office behind her back for the past few days, but no one had dared to bring it up when she was around. No one but old Wilfy that was.
Should she tell him the truth about her and Harry? She knew that he wouldn't twist her words or add fanciful details to the story. He'd simply repeat what she told him with frank honesty if someone asked him. But then that would mean admitting the facts that she had kept to herself all these years. Ren couldn't remember the last time that she had told someone that she was Harry's Godmother.
Her family all knew but none of them dared to bring it up. Her more extended family had probably forgotten in all honesty. The alternative, however, was letting Wilf and the rest of her colleagues think that she was a creepy cradle snatcher trying to date someone twenty years her junior.
"I-" She started slowly, thinking carefully about what she was going to say. "- I knew Harry when he was a baby. I was friends with his parents." She felt that was a reasonable explanation. Not revealing anything too personal but also making it quite clear that she had no plans to shag him.
Unsure of whether she wanted to see Wilf's reaction, Ren instead focused her attention on transitioning the next song (Finally by Cece Peniston) onto air.
"I see," Wilf mused when Ren finally looked back at him. "That must have been an emotional reunion."
"Understatement of the century there, Wilfy." Ren muttered before deciding to change the subject. "So anyway, how's the house hunting going?" She asked brightly. Wilf and Dinah had recently started looking to downgrade their house for something smaller as all of their children had long since grown up and moved out. They were both of the retirement age (although Ren knew that Wilf wouldn't leave Muggle Melody unless dragged out kicking and screaming) and wanted somewhere low maintenance for their golden years.
"Impossible!" Wilf immediately huffed, the subject change having the desired effect. "Absolutely impossible! Di is the fussiest women Merlin ever did see!"
-x-
Ren closed the front door behind her and threw her handbag down on the side table. 'What a morning,' she thought to herself, glad that it was over. After going through the usual ritual of lighting the fires in both the kitchen and living room, Ren headed over to the floo network fireplace and braced herself. She took a pinch of floo powder and threw it into the hearth, leaning forward as she did so and speaking clearly.
"Come on then, Loren."
The effect was instant. Before the green flames of her message had even died down, they re-erupted and Loren Mitchell all but fell out of the fireplace and into the living room in her eagerness.
Ren couldn't help but let out a snort of amusement as she watched her closest friend scramble to her feet and straighten her clothes, doing her best to appear nonchalant. "Lovely entrance," Ren remarked. "Been waiting long?"
"Nope," Loren's voice was clipped. "Just since when you finished work." She explained, but before Ren could so much as blink in response Loren grabbed her arms and pushed her back onto the blue futon behind her. "Now what happened?!" She demanded, bending at the waist so that they were eye to eye and pointing a finger to Ren's face, one manicured, purple nail nearly touching her nose.
Realising that it was pointless to even attempt to steer the conversation in any other direction, Ren began to tell Loren about the events of the evening. How it had started well enough. How they had bristled and started bickering. How Ren had eventually stormed out.
She stopped after that, not exactly sure whether she should share what happened after that. How Sirius had ran after her and spoke with a passion that hadn't died after all. The kiss… it would surely send Loren into a meltdown. "And that's it? You left?" Loren clarified quietly.
She had straightened up again and had spent the entirety of the story staring down at Ren with a steely gaze, her arms folded across her chest. Now she turned away and moved towards the fireplace, a look of deep concentration on her face. Ren remained silent for a moment, staring at the back of Loren's head.
"Uhhhmmmm," Was all she could say, doing her best to appear nonchalant, but her voice was high pitched and shaky. Loren immediately spun back around quicker than you could say Quidditch, a crazed look in her eye. She dived back down so that she was once again nose to nose with Ren.
"What?! So you didn't leave?" Loren interrogated. Ren's eyes darted this way and that before finally settling on a far-off corner of the room.
"N-no, I left." She stuttered, still trying to sound calm but failing miserably. Loren's eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"Alone?" She asked. Ren closed her mouth and swallowed deeply, looking down at her lap.
"Nope," She whispered slowly. "I didn't leave alone." Loren's jaw dropped and she let out a strangled gasp.
"Renee Danielle Gallagher!" She exclaimed, but Ren interrupted her with an irritated snarl, rising to her feet and stalking past Loren into the kitchen.
"Oh, leave it out Loren!" Ren warned her friend as she followed, hot on her heels.
"He came back here?!" Loren asked, ignoring Ren's deterrent. The woman suddenly stopped.
"Yes he did!" She spat, spinning around and slamming her hands down on the table so abruptly that Loren froze. "And what's so bloody wrong with that?!" Ren demanded, trying to refrain from shouting at her friend. "He ran after me, and I told him that he needed to forget about our past and just move on. But he poured his heart out to me, saying how he couldn't forget about me because those memories were the only thing that kept him going!"
Ren's eyes had filled with tears by now as she recalled the words which had brimmed with raw emotion. "It resonated with me. That's how I've felt for the last eighteen years. I tried and tried to forget him but I just couldn't. The time we spent together was the happiest I've ever been. If I was to forget it what would I have left?"
Loren's jaw had dropped. "And he kissed me," Ren continued. "He kissed me, and I don't remember when I last felt something like that kiss." Her voice was shaking. "So yeah Loren, he came back here and I had sex with him. I wanted to. He didn't coerce me into it or anything like that. It was my choice. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I did. I freaked out a bit afterwards, I'll admit that-" A soft chuckle escaped her lips, entirely unconvincing. "-but we talked. We've acknowledged that I'm here for Harry and now we can just move forward. It's out of our systems now." Ren said, repeating Sirius' words as her closing statement.
After she had stopped talking Ren felt like she was almost regaining consciousness. At some point during her speech she had sat down at the kitchen table without even realising it. Loren had joined her, taking her hands in her own. And there they sat with their fingers clasped together.
"I never meant to make you feel like you had to explain yourself to me." Loren eventually said softly.
"I know," Ren murmured. "I just don't want to be judged for doing something wrong that felt so right."
Hi guys! Sorry for the delay with updating. The good news is I've finished my first year at uni so I now have all the time in the world to write guilt-free! The bad news is I'm doing the first semester of my second year in Australia, so in a months time I'm moving to the other side of the world for six months and may not have a lot of free time to write. I know, sorry about that, but I'm very excited about the move so wish me luck!
I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! I think Ren would be unable to stop herself from freaking out at first, so good thing old Sirius was there to talk her down, haha. PLEASE leave me a review if you liked it letting me know! I really appreciate the feedback.
As usual I'm sorry about any spelling/grammar issues but I'm sure we can let it slide can't we?
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Eve x
