The next morning, the station proved to be a twitter with all kinds of happier activity. Odo was intently focused on furthering his relationship with the baby Changeling who was still under observation. Kira was still enjoying the afterglow of giving birth and bonding second hand with Kirayoshi, and everyone felt a new wave of optimism about being able to further their efforts regarding the benefits of utilizing the poly radiation to advance their cause against the Dominion.
As expected Gaven had slept in distressing fits and when he arrived in the infirmary, he looked grave as if he were in more physical pain than usual.
"Gaven! Just the man I wanted to see." Bashir said as he caught sight of the good Doctor. "You look miserable. Are you alright?"
"I didn't sleep well." Gaven noted how Julian looked to be in top form and in higher spirits than average.
Though it usually only unnerved him to see Julian this way, this morning he wasn't sure he could stomach it at all and quickly looked for a way to escape into his office.
"I have an idea I wanted to try on you. Come and take a look." Bashir insisted.
Having little choice in the matter, Gaven tried his best to put aside his bad humor and followed Julian into the lab. On the table, he saw what looked to be a collection of ten small titanium alloy disks sitting in a containment field.
"I see you've been busy this morning. What are they?" Gaven asked.
"They're poly saturated titanium alloy disks harvested and fashioned from bits of the capsule remnants. We've got them in a containment field now to prevent any unwanted poly exposure, but I'm confident that we won't need to worry about it once I implant them under your skin." Julian informed him.
"You want to implant those." Gaven reiterated.
"Not all of them at once of course. We could start with two or three and see how your system takes to them. It's not a forever fix because over time your body will absorb the radiation in full, but these could buy you a significant amount of time and help you feel better." Julian assured him.
"Very interesting." Gaven muttered.
"Well don't say it like that." Julian protested. "Gaven, don't you understand? This could work for you. I would think you'd be pleased."
"I…I am, Doctor. Thank you. I see no reason why your concept shouldn't work. Your efforts are truly remarkable." Gaven said trying hard to sound pleasant.
This didn't satisfy Julian who preferred enthusiastic praise over all other kinds, but he decided he didn't want to pick a fight with him or let Gaven spoil his happy mood.
"Come on. Let's get you in an isolation room." Julian encouraged him.
Once they were alone and secured behind closed doors, Julian decided to be straightforward. "Gaven, I think it might be wise for you to go on an anti-depressant regiment. It may help even out your moods. I also think you should start letting me give you something for the physical pain I can tell your in."
"I will do whatever you think is best, Doctor." Gaven conceded.
"What? Since when? You almost always fight me on these things." Julian pointed out in an amiable tone.
"That's not true. I only fight you when you're wrong, and this time I see no defect in your reasoning." Gaven reassured him.
"Oh." Julian rolled back onto the balls of his heels. "Well, isn't that a nice change."
"Julian, I feel I owe you an apology about the other day. I'm sorry I went off on you on the promenade. Please forgive me." Gaven said reproachfully.
At first, Julian didn't say anything. He merely stood back from Gaven and stared at him for a while.
"I forgive you, Gaven." He said at length. "And I have a confession to make."
At this remark, Julian casually leaned against the wall and put down his scanner.
"If it hadn't been for you, the changeling baby would have died. I…I gave up. I mean I would have likely given up if it hadn't been for you. It was my fault that the changeling destabilized, to begin with. When I purged its system of the radiation, I assumed instead of looking further that it was enough. If you hadn't been there to diagnose the problem and create that new treatment, I can assure you that the changeling would have indeed perished." Julian confessed.
"You ran every possible test you could have, Julian. There was no way you could have known that the damage was as extensive as it was. It wasn't your fault." Gaven said evenly.
"Oh, I suppose so. It's just that I was so ready to throw it all in. That's one of the many notable differences between us." Julian observed. "I've never seen you once give up on anyone or thing. Even when the odds were completely stacked against you, you take things as if everything is ultimately surmountable. It's one of the things I like the most about you. I would hate to see you hesitate to apply that trait to yourself."
Gaven couldn't help but snort amusingly that neither gave nor rescinded his agreement. "You're a good Doctor, Julian."
"Thank you. Now come on. Let's get these implanted." Julian said.
About twenty minutes later Julian had the disks implanted under Gaven's skin. One at each wrist and the other at the base of his back. Gaven was then put under strict orders to monitor himself and report back if anything felt a miss.
The rest of the morning Gaven and Julian worked side by side running various tests using the poly radiation. With a few more days of research, both were confident they could begin applying what they could learn to their inoculation research. It was a pleasant experience for them and a far cry from how Gaven usually liked to work. Julian's jovial enthusiasm eventually managed to ease Gaven's darker mood. It helped that Julian had shot him up with both a mild pain reliever and an even milder round of anti-depressants as well. All of it felt like a kind of turning point where some of Gaven's natural resistance was relaxed.
As the day wore on Gaven's attention began to wane. He had expected to see Cheval in the infirmary when he arrived that morning and yet it was already after one and Gaven still hadn't seen him despite seeing the other Vulcans throughout the morning come and go.
By one-thirty Gaven finally dismissed himself early from his work to find him.
Upon not finding the young Vulcan at his quarters, Gaven took a rare stroll through the promenade nonchalantly looking for signs of him. Eventually, he ended up at Quarks where he finally found Cheval sitting by himself at one of the tables sipping at some blue-green concoction that he did not appear to be enjoying.
"What is that and why are you drinking it?" Gaven couldn't help but ask.
"I believe it is called a…Blue Hawaiian. Some tropical Earth drink. As for why I am drinking it, I thought I would try to be…Adventurous." Cheval said raising the glass to examine its coloring. "My experiment is garnering mixed results."
Despite his mixed mood, Gaven couldn't help but smile fondly at this reply. Something about the Vulcan's youthful oddness seemed to amuse him endlessly and put the doctor at ease.
"I was expecting to see you today." Gaven remarked as he settled down in an adjacent seat.
"I had planned to call on you at dinner time. Surely, you have had much to do today." Cheval revealed setting the glass back down and pushing it away from him.
"Yes. Although I was still expecting you to stop by the cargo bay or at least the infirmary regardless of whether I was occupied or not." Gaven admitted.
"I cannot conceive why. I am not a member of Starfleet or the Vulcan Science Academy. I am not even here as an ambassador. Even though I technically hold that title. I should think my opinions on anything would be inconsequential to those working on this station. I have no conceivable business to come calling on you in the infirmary during your working hours." Cheval reasoned.
"You look much better today. Tired, but in better spirits." Cheval observed.
"The Doctor has begun me on a poly radiation therapy regiment that he hopes will garner results." Gaven explained.
"I am glad you are choosing to be proactive about your health." Cheval said sincerely.
"Have you thought about what you're going to do with yourself while you're on the station?" Gaven asked.
It was hard to imagine the Vulcan simply remaining indefinitely idle.
"I am uncertain." Cheval admitted.
"I might encourage you to speak with Keiko O'Brien. She's a botanist and might be able to give you some idea about what could be done with your skills. You might consider Bajor as well. It's close enough that you could come back to the station whenever you wish." Gaven suggested.
"I will take your suggestions under consideration." Cheval said as he settled his hands upon the table and looked down upon them thoughtfully.
This display of youthful shyness struck Gaven as a particular trait unique to him, and it occurred to Gaven that he perhaps made the younger man nervous, or, at the very least, self-conscious.
"Well…I suppose I should get back to work. Did you still want to stop by later?" He asked calmly.
"Yes. I would like that." Cheval said softly.
"I should be back by six. May I?" Gaven indicated to the drink Cheval had seemingly discarded and picked it up from the table finishing it for him. "Mm. Not bad. Next time try something called a Fuzzy Navel. I think you'll like it better."
After this suggestion, Gaven took it upon himself to head back to the infirmary and continue his work. Gaven didn't look back as he departed, but if he had, he might have caught the look on Cheval's face which indicated intense bewilderment.
Quark in the meantime had been managing bar close to where the men had been sitting. Of course, because he was always eager to make a sliver of latinum off the information he acquired and because people tended to forget the natural range and depth of the Ferengi's hearing Quark had been shamelessly eavesdropping on their conversation. While Quark always enjoyed having dirt on people the strange Doctor had proved particularly challenging because though he liked to take meals in Quark's bar and restaurant, the man seldom spoke more than two polite words together when he was there.
Since his arrival there had been much-hushed talk about Dr. Gaven Ore. Most people seemed to know a strangely small amount of information on the man given he was supposed to be so brilliant and such an asset to the Federation. Interest in him was unusually high despite this, and most of the general conversation by people about the man was kept mostly to conjecture, much to the Ferengi's disappointment. After a mild inquiry of his own, it didn't take a rocket scientist to realize the public data in the computers about the Doctor were mostly a fabrication. Quark had spent enough time doctoring information over the years to tell the difference between carefully organized facts and a carefully constructed fiction. As far as he was concerned whoever had done it had done the job poorly, and there was just no excuse for shoddy work as far as Quark was concerned.
The appearance of the Vulcan Cheval was equally surprising considering that although Gaven was courteous and generous to just about everyone he did engage, he kept almost no company publicly and seemed a reclusive sort in general. Yet he'd treated Cheval just now like they were almost friends. Quark surmised the almost in part because of the look of shock on the Vulcan's face when Gaven had so intimately drunk from his cup without warning or consent.
"There is something very strange going on around here." Quark concluded.
While he was naturally very curious, Quark was also careful not to dig too deeply unless he knew for a fact that what he discovered would be profitable. Anything outside of that might have proved an unnecessary hazard to the Ferengi's health.
This time though something irresistibly interesting had passed between the two conversing men. Gaven had mentioned he was being exposed to poly radiation treatments. Considering that poly radiation was both rare and generally harmful to most species, there was no justifiable reason Quark could think of to expose someone to the stuff. Particularly a generally vulnerable species like that of humans. Given that poly radiation only existed in a few remote systems also got Quark's attention. Was it possible that Doctor Gaven Ore was something other than human? And furthermore, if he wasn't human than what was he and why was he going to such lengths to conceal it?
Quark puzzled over these questions as he tried to isolate angles that could be profitable. But for once his heart wasn't quite in it. If something was going on, then it certainly wasn't a small thing. Starfleet had to be in on it which meant that the truth was probably known on the station but only among a handful of people. If it was that big of a secret, then it was perhaps unwise for Quark to do anything that could result in unwanted harmful exposure. Then again, sometimes just knowing about the existence of a secret was profit enough.
Quark decided to hold off on doing anything just yet, though he was eager to dig a little bit and refresh himself about which known systems had poly radiating suns and how many of those systems were inhabited. Quark couldn't imagine that there were very many.
As for Cheval, Quark observed that the Vulcan was battling something. This was amusing in and of itself to Quark because he couldn't remember a time that he ever saw a Vulcan show any real sign of emotion outside of occasional frustration and annoyance. Cheval seemed a slightly more sensitive example of his species.
Deep Space Nine seemed to attract many aliens who were not generally typical of the races they were apart of for one reason or another. Quark's pitiful brother Rom came to mind as did Worf, and Odo. While all had strong ties to their cultures, they were not typical representations of those cultures. Rom was Rom. Worf had been raised predominately by humans, and Odo had gone as far as to defy the standards of his people enough to warrant them taking away his shapeshifting abilities which he'd only just gotten back.
Since Gaven had left Cheval had gotten a distant pensive look on his face as he stared at the empty glass resting between his hands. While most might have thought he was merely caught in deep concentration, Quark instead thought he was trying to qualify something in his mind.
"You look at odds. Here. Try some Gulbian beer nuts. Thinking is better on a full stomach." Quark offered, unable to resist bothering the Vulcan.
A large cup of beer nuts was produced from behind the bar and carried off to Cheval's table by Quark personally.
"Thank you." Cheval broke his concentration long enough to give a slight nod of acknowledgment to Quark. "Though, I am not at odds."
"Ah well, far be it of me to go round making judgments about people I don't really know. Nevertheless, I don't like seeing people conflicted in my bar and you, sir, strike me as a man conflicted and that's bad for business. See, it depresses the atmosphere. Now usually a little melancholy helps sales around here, but at this hour there are not enough people to take advantage of so as the proprietor, I have to protect my revenue streams as much as I can. Now, let me see if I can't use my bar-tending gifts of deduction and guess what's on your mind. Um. You don't like your drink. That's fair. We'll get you another. You don't know what to do with all your free time…Well, that's what holo-suites are for, and since you're a tourist I'll give you a two for one session and knock ten percent off of the base cost of your first time…As a welcome gesture."
Cheval didn't bite and only stared at Quark without comment, so the Ferengi moved on and went in for the kill.
"Now, if your real dilemma is that you're worried about the good doctor Ore…" Quark was hoping to stimulate a conversation for research purposes of course.
There was the right button. Quark observed Cheval color ever so slightly. Presumably for being so transparent to Quark.
"He is well liked here on Deep Space Nine, is he not?" Cheval interjected swiftly.
"Well, it's hard to say. Dr. Ore isn't exactly the most demonstrative person around here, you see. I hear it told that he's exceptionally good at what he does though. And you didn't hear this from me, but, I've heard it proposed that he may even rival our resident CMO…But, Shhh. As I said, you didn't hear that from me. As for my private opinion as the proprietor here? Overall, he seems to keep to himself, so your guess is as good as mine." Quark said casually.
"I am surprised that the good doctor would not attract more open camaraderie." Cheval remarked.
"Oh, I dunno. He does seem to be liked by many people. And I think some folks around here would like to think of him as a friend If he'd let them be friendly to him occasionally. But for whatever reason, he's just stodgy about reciprocating sentiment. Publicly anyway. Although, huh, he seems to get along with you pretty well in public. Trust me. It's my job to notice these things. I mean…He's never said more than two words to me before. Not that it hurts my feelings. With you though, it seemed he couldn't wait to talk." Quark mused as he pretended to be casual when he was acutely interested in the Vulcan's reaction.
"I see. I admit…I should very much like to get to know him better. Though perhaps I should be more obvious about my receptivity." Cheval mused.
"Though that presents a small problem. I can't claim to know much about human customs in terms of hospitality and preemptive friendship gestures." Cheval was careful to show no signs whatsoever that he knew anything about Gaven's actual identity and origins.
"Ah. Well, that one is easy. He invited you to dinner. Again, I noticed. You should bring him a gift. Nothing too ostentatious. So that rules out food or wine." Quark snapped his fingers. "You know what? I know just the thing. You should give him a plant. Everyone likes a plant to brighten up their living space. Call it an old Human tradition someone told me about one time. And it just so happens I think I have just the thing. This morning I was helping set up arrangements for a Bajoran wedding I'm catering, and the florist let me keep some of the flower samples as a kind of goodwill gesture. Trouble is they don't really go with my bar's motif. Maybe you could take one off my hands and give it to the doctor. Human's love that kind of thing."
Cheval considered this plan a moment. "A plant would seem an acceptable gesture of gratitude and mutual hospitality. What kind of flowers are they?"
"A type of Bajoran Orchid. Very fragrant, sturdy, and long-lasting. Let me go get one, and you can decide for yourself." Quark offered.
To Quark's delight, Cheval agreed to look at a specimen. Being a botanist, plants were of chief interest to him anyway and gift or not he might have been tempted to buy a sample from Quark if it proved particularly interesting. Quark encouraged him to wait at the bar while he scuttled swiftly into the back to track down his brother. For once Rom's tendency to tinker on his breaks were about to prove useful.
"Rom! Where are you? You know, it's out of brotherly courtesy that I let you have breaks at all. The least you could do is be snappy about it when I need you for something." Quark complained.
Seconds later Rom appeared at his elbow. "Sorry brother. I'll do better next time."
"Never mind that. Rom, is that organic bug you've been working on finished yet?" Quark gripped his brother by the shoulders enthusiastically.
"Well…Yeah, but it doesn't have a long shelf life. I mean it'll still transmit up to twelve hours of information, but after that, it decays. I was hoping to get it up to at least three days…" Rom said with a humble though hopeful tonality.
"Yeah, yeah. We don't need it to work that long. Tell me a prototype is ready to go?"
"Well, sure. But, I only got one…I mean…" Rom confessed.
"Get it and conceal it on this plant. I just overheard a fascinating conversation that I want to follow up on." Quark insisted.
Rom reluctantly did what he was told, and a moment later the organic bug was disguised to look like just a normal bulge in the orchid's stem.
Taking the orchid from his brother, Quark swiftly brought it back out to Cheval and presented it to him. "Here we go. If you like it, you can have it for say a sliver of gold-latinum."
Cheval studied the plant carefully for several seconds until it got to the point where Quark was sure his plan was going to be found out before it ever got off the ground. To his relief, the organic bug remained hidden.
"It is acceptable." Cheval said at length. "May I open a line of credit with you to cover the expense in the short term?"
"It would be my pleasure." Quark agreed. "Right this way."
For once Gaven found himself apprehensive about something other than his many past regrets and the political intrigue he found himself entrenched in. Maybe it was the drugs Julian had shot him up with or merely a side effect of the implants doing their job. In any case, for the first time since his exile from Oum Gaven found he felt pleased with himself.
The sentiment felt almost foreign to him considering all the negative things he'd experienced and felt since leaving Oum and because it had been so long since a genuinely happy state of mind had been his to enjoy. Gaven couldn't help but be judiciously suspicious of its existence within his psyche. The source of his preemptive pleasure was, of course, rooted within the prospect of hosting Cheval that evening. The awkward circumstances and nature of the intimacy that had been generated now by not just one but multiple mind-melds since they'd met only enhanced his interest in their reunion. Coupled by the fact that they were still separate and different people with very little first-hand knowledge of each other, this caused Gaven to experience a kind of giddy anxiety that felt entirely out of character for him.
This mixture of self-indulgent pleasure and anxiety was enough of a distraction for Gaven that he ultimately begged off the rest of his work for the day almost immediately after he returned to the infirmary.
As he mulled over his new feelings and tried to make sense of them, for once Gaven wished he had someone in his life that he could truly confide in. But, despite being on good terms with many of the station's staff, Gaven had yet to develop what he considered to be a personal enough relationship with anyone to feel comfortable talking through his thoughts just then. Barring this ability, Gaven knew there were other options available to him. How long had it been since he'd purged his emotions? Not since he'd left Oum.
Similarly, to many other cultures, the Oum had developed a strong appreciation for meditation and similar therapeutic practices. This was especially important to the Oum because of their empathic abilities and common communication barriers. The concept of purging emotion was considered necessary to the normal Oum's health and wellbeing because it was believed that repression could cause physical illness and mental instability. Since leaving Oum, Gaven had resisted the meditative purging process. In some ways, he'd been afraid to let go. So, he'd defiantly held on to and internalized everything he'd experienced since his exile. Gaven had learned to tolerate suffering and make friends with his sense of loss. But until now he hadn't considered how painful and disorientating it could be to feel anything other than turmoil. It disturbed him to realize he'd forgotten how to enjoy things.
Furthermore, the last thing Gaven wanted to do was drive Cheval away or disrupt the Vulcan's life more than he already had. Cheval wasn't on the station just because Gaven had presented him with an opportunity to come when he'd included Cheval's name on the list of contacts he'd given to the Captain. Cheval had been having personal problems because of Gaven. Questions that were persistent and troubling enough that Gaven was convinced that sooner or later Cheval would have tracked him down whether he'd extended an invitation or not. In some way, he felt like he owed the other man something. But was there more to it than that?
Trying to calm his confused thoughts, Gaven sank into his sofa and tried to breathe through his feelings which were a jumble of manic thoughts, cloudy self-doubt, irony-laced amusement with himself, and the ache deep within him that was now a permanent part of his Psyche.
It was already half past three. If he was going to handle entertaining Cheval in a few hours Gaven needed to do something to get his head on straight.
For once he needed to confront what he felt directly.
The exact purging process was a little different for every Oum, but the general idea behind the practice was to take any disruptive emotions and cycling thoughts, process them, and then expel them through guided meditation and visualization. Gaven had resisted purging his consciousness for some time, but now he saw no other choice if he was going to move forward.
Slowly getting up, Gaven moved to the display and gently picked up the small pulsing box bringing it back with him to the open area in front of his sofa. Placing the box in the center of the carpet he then proceeded awkwardly to get down on the floor despite his bad leg. Eventually, he succeeded and settled into a semi cross-legged position before the pulsing box so that he could focus on its blue light and begin the meditative process that would allow him to plunge within himself moving beyond what was consciously known and into the depths of the unknown self.
In this middle space where memory met imagination, Gaven found himself transported to a different time and place. When he opened his eyes again, he found himself in front of the home he had shared with his bond-mate Lopel Ner. The time was mid-afternoon. It was a balmy day accented by the sweet breeze that was indicative of the late Oum springtime. The sky that day was only partially clear causing the hazy Oum's sun to cast a slightly orange hue upon the landscape that enhanced the natural green tones in the patchy grass, iron-rich soil, and trees. Gaven was sitting fully cross-legged in the grass with a telepad in his hand. He had often sat there in such a manner while composing his many essays and personal observations. For what seemed like a long time Gaven managed to forget himself and reality entirely. For all that he knew he was back home on Oum living out his normal life as if everything that had happened had not occurred. This absence of sense generated a feeling of utter peace and security within Gaven the like of which should have lasted him through his lifetime. For a time Gaven drank it all in knowing it as his only truth until something seemingly outside of him disrupted his peace of mind with a harsh crashing reality.
"This is far from a time to idly rest, my Gaven Ore-Oum. I am dead; I'm sorry to say. But you? You are alive…" The disembodied voice came from directly behind Gaven and was heard close to his ear. As the voice spoke, Gaven could feel the owner's rough palm run up his back and over his shoulder to embrace him from behind across his chest.
For Gaven, the familiar voice seemed to invade his serenity and threaten the tranquility he was enjoying up until that moment. As awareness began to blossom in him, he felt the familiar biting pain of remembrance, though this time because he was in the place between his consciousness and conscience, the usually violent awareness of his life's suffering felt far away and vague to him.
Putting down his telepad, Gaven gripped the man's forearm that was presently anchored across his and around his waist and pressed it even more firmly against his body. As he did this Gaven's mouth that had been turned down in a pensive expression softened and lifted into a feeling of familiarity and fondness. Lopel Ner was nothing more than a figment of Gaven's imagination and yet here and now he felt as real to Gaven as anything could feel.
Gaven tugged on the other man gently urging him around his body so that he could pull Lopel into his lap and cup the man's face in his hands.
Lopel Ner was a jovial type. The kind of person who was full of mirth and mindful humor. His hair was a mess of sun-bleached ringlets, accented by warm brown eyes, and tan skin. Like much of the dominant class on Oum, Lopel was biologically afflicted thanks to the genetics he'd inherited and because of the poly radiation that saturated everything around the Oum people. Lopel's calves were fused to his thighs, and his skin was rough and marred from repeated infection. One brow bone dipped down lower than the other, and his spine was slightly misaligned and crooked. Yet for all his physical defects, Lopel's stunning smile and cheerful disposition made him undeniably appealing. By Oum standards, Lopel was considered beautiful and, indeed, because Gaven had loved him beyond all measure; Gaven's eyes saw only flawlessness and felt only love for his looks, manner, and characterization. Lopel had indeed been a much liked and respected society figure. He was opinionated, mentally and emotionally intense, and fearless to a fault. But now he was dead. Unknown by anyone but Gaven off their planet.
"Well, Gaven Ore-Oum." Said Lopel. "So, I see you have finally come to face me. And now, what do you think?"
Gaven let out a deep breath. "I think, I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
"What exactly is there to know?" Lopel scolded. "You are an Oum, but now you are also a free man. You can go anywhere and do anything you like."
"But what is there left for me without you? Without Oum? How can I let it all go?" Gaven asked seriously, though his expression was soft.
"You might start by remembering that you are not on Oum anymore. Look where you are, my love. Look what you've come now to know. Are you really so friendless in the universe? Have you not experienced some worthwhile things?" Lopel pressed.
"I have known nothing but misery since leaving you." Gaven muttered.
"And yet you have brought such resounding joy to others since you've been gone. Think of Kira and the O'Brien's. Of Odo. Of Bashir. Have you not known worthwhile things with them? You can't hide your true feelings from me, Gaven Ore-Oum. I know you as well as you know yourself. Your growing care for these aliens is real and powerful. And so very important." Lopel reminded him. "But I see it isn't enough for you yet. You're not ready to let any of them in, and I bleed for you in light of that fact. Is there really no one you will allow into your world?"
"Cheval." Gaven breathed. "He knows more about me than anyone here. He came looking for me even before I provided the means for our paths to cross again. I feel things for him I should not. Things I'm afraid of. Yet I know he can sense my fears and that given a chance he would go out of his way to dispel them. I trust him and like him very much. I admit."
This time Lopel smiled wide and brightly and pressed his hands to the sides of Gaven's face before pushing his lips to Gaven hard and pulling away in a playful, knowing manner. "Why Gaven Ore-Oum, I do believe you have a crush. I'm so proud and happy for you."
At this declaration, Gaven flushed hot and mirrored his partner's expression of playful pleasure and radiant joy. "You are my bondmate, Lopel Ner. In death, as you were in life. I will never stop loving you."
"My love for you exceeds all limitation." Lopel Ner vowed. "But just consider that if I have loved you than others may grow to love you too and that if they do it is because you are so much more than just my bondmate and beloved partner. You are so much more than what our people would have allowed you to be. Don't make yourself unhappy Gaven Ore-Oum. The universe is capable of enough despair without your encouragement. Resist at your own peril and know that while I am always with you, I can't be with you anymore. If you're even to stand a fighting chance, you must be willing to let it all go. Time is much more fleeting than you think."
His eyes welling, Gaven allowed Lopel to pull his face into the side of his throat where his pining tears were lost in the curly nap of Lopel's hair as Lopel held Gaven and whispered silent reassurances into his ear.
And for what felt like a long time; time and space, consciousness and illusion, blurred together and carried Gaven deeper into himself. Almost as if he were trying to search out the lost fragments of his evasive peace of mind as it weaved through the alleyways of his wounded heart.
