Author's Note: Saweeet98 Here's the chapter I promised, your enthusiasm and love for this story warms me all over.
Thanks so much to colourmemine for Beta-ing :D You're so awesome
I hope all of you are still enjoying the ride-i promised it would be worth it in the end :)
You could say you went through the several phases of grieving beginning with Denial. But no, not really. You got stuck somewhere along the second stage - Anger. No actually you got confused by what and how many stages there actually are and you tended to mix up several emotions, but they all led to feeling angry, or depressed yet angry.
What use was there to start Bargaining?
You were waiting for the part where Acceptance came on, but it can't come soon enough.
You are more than miffed at her. Everything she said is ringing in your head.
"Chloe, I can't be all buddy-buddy with you okay? Just don't take it personally, but I need to maintain a certain level of professionalism when it comes to mentoring you guys. I shouldn't have told you all of those personal things about me to begin with. I mean, would you be comfortable or trusting in my credibility or even Adam's if he had confided in you every detail of his personal life? Remember this is my work, Chloe. This is a competition. We can be civil, we can be courteous, or we can be friendly to one another, but we can't be friends okay?"
All the things she said. All the things she said. Running through my head. Running through my head,
Shut Up T.A.T.U!
You feel like you're going mad, but she just goes on with everything in her life like nothing is wrong. Well of course the great Beca Mitchell is unaffected, she can totally deal without you and you don't know if that's hurting you or making you get pissed off at her more...
And so you channel everything into the following sessions, the practices, some one-on-one's with Adam and then at the end of the week it's officially announced on air-the final blind auditions, and then, in a meeting after filming, the ones who you'll be battling with...
When Kori and yours name are announced together you hug each other, excited but then the nerves kick in and you are back to feeling horrible. It doesn't help that you see Beca hanging around.
You really don't want to let her get to you right now, especially when you have other, more pressing concerns.
This week your family and friends even people you don't know have started tweeting and sending you messages having seen you in the preview for the upcoming The Voice episode.
You really wish you could go home to watch the episode, you really want to see your Dad and Mom, maybe the rest of your family but what's the use the person you really want to be comforted by right now isn't even there anymore.
Your phone starts to ring in the middle of a rehearsal for a group number. It's Grandma Betty - Granda's wife, your mother's mother. It's like she had ESP or something and knew you needed to hear a familiar voice.
"Hi Chloe dear, how are you? I saw you're going to be on the episode tonight am I right?"
"Yes Grandma, you'll all be watching?"
"Of course I wouldn't miss it for the world maybe we can Skype later...you can watch with us."
"Totes Grandma." You see one of the floor directors getting your attention, motioning for you to hang up now. "I gotta go. I'll call you later."
You finally get home and as you take out your keys to unlock the door, Aubrey is already there throwing it open, reaching for your things and throwing them to their respective places screaming "Hurry up Chloe sit your ass down. It's on! The Voice is on!"
Like you needed reminding for Pete's sake, like the opening song wasn't a dead giveaway. This is the Voice. *Instrumental*.
"I set up your computer. Everyone else is in your living room at home. Say hi to Chloe people."
"Hi! Good Luck Honey!" you distinctly hear your mother.
"Mom you already know I got in-"
"Yes I know but still won't stop me from feeling excited and nervous for you will it?"
"Just let us wish you luck Chloe," Your father says shaking his head at you.
"Yes Dad."
"What's with all the noise? It isn't even Chloe's boring old Blind Auditions yet!" Oh Janet how I missed you... Not.
"You guys, please keep quiet. We can't hear from over here either," Aubrey raises her voice. She's looking at you her eyes wide and a 'can-you-believe-her' expression on her face. You give an I-know-right grimace in return.
Thank goodness the two had never officially met. You don't think you could handle the two of them facing off.
You watch the familiar opening sequence, showing previous singers then the iconic hand flashing a peace sign while holding a microphone.
The program begins with Carson Daly's voice over narrating past events.
For the last two weeks the four superstar judges have been set in discovering the new talents the best voices across the nation in the World's most exciting singing competition which returned for what may be its best, most exciting season yet, with its memorable auditions and characters.
There are quick flashes of Stacie's gropefest, Fat Amy's Edge of Glory rendition that had brought down the house , she was definitely a favorite.
There are clips of the judges as well-
Blake Sheldon getting up from his chair and enthusiastically shouting "That's what I'm talking about!"
It even showed that pretty boy Luke crooning and Donald who fitted in some beat boxing to his own audition.
"That was sick my man!" Usher says, all chill in his chair with his one leg up as usual.
The 'I want you' sign is flashed.
The stakes cannot be higher as the blind auditions come to a close. Coaches Adam, Blake and Usher each have one slot left while our lady judge, Beca Mitchell, still needs two more to complete her team of twelve.
"We've been lucky so far. I have a pretty strong group already. I'm hoping to find that one person to fit in the last slot. We'll see if the chemistry is right..." says Adam it shows him running up the stage to hug one of the other girls. You think it may be Kori.
"I'm hoping they saved the best for last-" Blake says. There is a clip of him doing his finger thing. "I can only do with the best for my team. I don't want to break my record now."
"Let them come. Usually I'm the one stealing all the talents from the boys, but I need to be picky tonight... I need to get the strongest voices," Beca says.
There's a sound clip, one of Cynthia Rose singing. Her beautifully raspy voice is so distinct, it doesn't even show her face yet and you already know it's her. Then the next shot is of Beca's expression of pure excitement when she quickly reaches for the red button.
"I won't let anyone else have you-I need to have you own my team," Beca says persuading one of the contestants. Obviously not you...
"I'm not afraid to pull out the big guns when it comes to wooing someone for team Usher. I can play fair, but dirty has its advantages…And there's only one slot left, so this person has to be…extra special."
It plays the clip where he tells you "When you started singing, I almost imagined those fat baby angels coming in from behind the clouds together with a whole choir. There's this quality to your voice it's just so pure-angelic. We should make soul music together."
And you are shown for the first time. In the screen you looked pretty good. You've got to hand it to Lily.
"This audition will definitely be one of the most defining moments of my life. I have to make it, give it all I've got, or just go home."
You sound pretty sure of yourself and cocky, but this filmed part was after the audition when you'd calmed down a bit.
This causes a whole lot of noise and commotion from the other side of the screen and in the house...
"Yeah Chloe!"
"You tell them Chloe..."
Aubrey nudges you from her place in the couch..."Ooh so tough, if I know you, you were practically hyperventilating before you went up to the stage."
"At least I didn't lose it ...and kept my lunch to myself."
"Shut it and just watch the damn TV," Aubrey grumbles light-heartedly. Thank goodness she had mellowed since College and didn't bite your head off at that comment.
You glance back at the screen only to see Bumper's huge, annoyingly smug face. "I'm going to get in, they'd be stupid not to choose me."
"Who is that tool?" Aubrey askes.
"Bumper something..." You don't bother to learn his last name.
"Please tell me he won't get in."
"As much as I hate to admit it, the guys got chops. So just watch..." Carson then shows up on the screen to speak the immortal line; The Final Blind Auditions start now.
Knowing that there are few spots left, our next artist is hoping to snag the attention of all four coaches.
Cynthia Rose appears on the screen.
"Oh wait this one's good. I swear if you hear her voice it'll blow your mind!" You're dividing your attention between the two screens and Aubrey beside you giving a commentary of the events and trying to address everyone present.
"She? It looks like a man!"
"Grandma Spencer!" Everyone says "Mom!" Your Dad says to his own mother.
"What! I'm just saying what's true!"
"Her name's Cynthia Rose and how she looks like doesn't take anything away from her talent." you say effectively silencing everyone.
It tells her story about music helping her through rough times, she started singing and writing at a very young age and that she was proudly representing all LGBT community out there.
She sang 'At Last' by Etta James, and Beca to the surprise of no-one gets her. She has her ways of persuasion…She can fool people into thinking that she's perfect, that she's sweet and kind and wants to be your friend…or coach in Cynthia Rose's case. You'll never be fooled by that hot smirk and those smouldering eyes again. You're using your defiant standing-your-ground tone in your head, meaning you must mean it.
"The lesbian's got a good voice. I've got to hand it to her," Grandma Spencer says. You roll your eyes despairingly. Here we go…
"Mother why do you have to be so crass and you have to watch what you're saying… You do know about Chloe right?"
"What you allow your only child to be interested in is none of my business-I know that Chloe's a good girl and I love her- I'm not judging. I wasn't trying to offend anyone."
"Then just watch how you say things, keep the comment to yourself."
"That's enough Charlie. Your mother said she didn't mean it," Grandpa Michael said putting his foot down.
Their argument gets drowned out when finally…
Next up we have we have a person who claims to have been dreaming of auditioning but only got the courage to this season.
"I'm Chloe Beale. I just turned twenty four. Music and singing has always been something that I've done. It's been with me from an early age. I get it from my family but mostly my grandfather. He used to play for me - all the oldies. He also loved getting me to sing them as well. He was the one who told me I had a voice, even before I really, truly heard anything special myself."
"It's you Chloe!" Aubrey says gesturing at the screen excitedly.
"I know Bree, I know!" You can't help but be amused by her. You hug her as you both squeal. This is it. Everyone in the world was watching this-seeing you.
"I'm just so proud of you!"
"You haven't heard anything yet…"
"I already know how amazing your Aguelerian Voice is Chloe…Oh my God! I have a famous best friend. I should tell the world, boast about you to my clients."
"Get them to pay extra so they can meet me!"
"SHHH!"
"Girls we can't hear what you're saying on camera," says your mother, her voice louder as she approaches the screen.
"Sorry!" you both say sheepishly.
"Well I do have previous experience… My group competed in Collegiate A-cappella tournaments. We sang all over the world and we competed in national championships which has actually allowed me, and my group the Bella's, to perform in all kinds of places even with some celebrities. It's pretty neat."
Here they show some videos when you played at the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre and your group's performance with Prince.
"Thank God they didn't show that video…That horrible, horrible video. Breathe Aubrey you've moved on, past is past. Breathe…" Aubrey chants to herself while you place a reassuring hand on her back.
"You mean the part where you completely blotched your whole chance of winning that stupid competition?"
"Shut up Janet!" you say before you can stop yourself.
"Make me! You little diva!" You swear you don't care if you are screaming at a computer screen-she's lucky she was far away. You're not sure what you would have done if she really was within reach. On the screen the playback continues.
"Whatever happens, if I get in or not, I'm going to be dedicating this performance to my family and most especially to my Grandpa, the man who believed in me, loved me and accepted me, no matter what-I love you Grandpa."
There are some old pictures of you and your grandfather being shown-your favorite one is the one where you were still small enough to carry on his shoulders the shot is of the two of you caught mid-giggle.
Finally, it shows that moment in the room before the stage. You look so pale, you are pacing around the room and you distinctly hear yourself chanting "Breathe just breathe." So it wasn't just Aubrey who did that…
You hear everyone at home laughing even Aubrey giggles beside you "I was right just look at you Chloe, you're a mess!" You do admit that you do look as bad as you felt.
"Yeah…" You sometimes hate your family.
"She's worse than a mess. She looks horrible and on national TV. This is priceless," says Janet as she cackles evilly.
You think they fast forward it to the moment you do start moving in the general direction of the stage. You climb the three stairs then you approach the mic. You wonder how you did that successfully. You guess you were on autopilot.
Now you can see what the judges expressions were like when they listened to you.
Close your eyes, give me your hand, darlin'
Do you feel my heart beating
Do you understand
Do you feel the same
Wow you didn't realize both Adam and Blake, practically one right after the other, had already pressed the button that early into the song.
Am I only dreaming
Is this burning an eternal flame
I believe it's meant to be, darlin'
I watch you when you are sleeping
You belong with me
Do you feel the same
Am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame
Say my name
Sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely
And then come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling, oh
Say my name
Sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely
And then come and ease the pain
Beca and Usher are goading each other on to press their buttons. Beca's hand comes close, but then she hesitates…She only has one left as well…And it was still early in the Audition day…
I don't want to lose this feeling oh-
"Beautiful" Aubrey says nudging you. You do admit that note rang out clear and true.
And finally Usher gives in "Damn girl!" he says as he turns to face you.
Which leaves Beca, her hand twitching. She's biting her lip, she still hasn't made up her mind…and then her hand makes an agonizingly slow descent upon the button…
"Come on press it Beca!" your dad shouts out.
"Yeah press it Beca, go on just there…" You say too getting into the spirit of things.
Aubrey gives you a look.
Close your eyeseeeessssss
You give a particularly long rift into that note and then you stop abruptly…Okay, you didn't realise that when you had put a different spin in it towards the end that you had unknowingly cut it short.
Okay, now you are crushed. Beca had wanted to press it, but had taken too long to realize that she really did want you. You're hoping that would be the story of your life, but whatever.
You groan simultaneously with the people at home-maybe not for the same reason. They were rooting for a perfect four, you just wanted the perfect one.
"Chloe…"
"She wanted to. You saw it didn't you Bree? Beca wanted to turn."
"It's too bad about Beca huh," Janet interrupts, "and wasn't she the one you really wanted? I guess you really aren't her type in more ways than one."
"Thanks for the reminder of that like I didn't already know it, bitch."
You normally wouldn't let her get to you, but you can't help it. Your morale is already low. She was rubbing salt into a very painful, fresh wound.
"Girls! Behave yourselves," Grandma Betty admonishes. She's usually subdued and quiet in family gatherings such as these, but she steps in when she smells trouble brewing.
"Whatever Grandma, she's just been on National Television and she already thinks too much of herself. What? You think you're better than me, than our whole home town Miss Chloe Beale Hollywood? Well you do fit there with the rest of the queers."
"That is enough Janet, this was supposed to be Chloe's night."
"It's always Chloe's fucking everything. It all revolves around her. Her voice isn't even that great!" She stormed out, presumably of the house. You can only see as far as the living room.
"Janet come back this instant and apologise to Chloe."
"Chloe should apologise as well."
Aubrey had been noticeably silent. You're sure she wanted to step in to defend you, but she can tell this kind of argument was to be resolved by the family alone.
"It's okay Grandma, leave her alone. I'm sorry everyone that I said Bitch" Aubrey snorts, but you nudge her silent. They didn't have to know the more colourful terms you used on a daily basis.
"I haven't been having the best week and well Janet's being such a…Janet I wasn't in the mood for it okay but yes like I said I'm sorry Dad, Mom, Aunts, Uncles, cousins who aren't Janet."
Everyone else continues watching but they break up into groups conversing and doing their own thing, while your Grandma Betty picks up the laptop and carries it into one of the other rooms. You see her leading the way maybe she'll admonish you in private.
"Hey-" you say to Aubrey, "I'll just go to my room for a sec."
"Yeah okay, I'll call you if there's someone interesting auditioning. You need to spill the dirt about that British guy…"
"'Kay..."
You hurry to your own room carrying your laptop, then close the door behind. You then set it on the bed. You start putting away some things. You don't want your grandmother to comment about the state of your room.
"Chloe…" Grandma Betty says in a tone that succeeds in getting your attention.
"I did say I was sorry…" you say as you settle down close to the laptop. You're staring into your grandmother's eyes, the same colour as your mothers, the same as yours.
"No Honey, I know you are…It wasn't even that big a deal using the B word. I was more offended by the behaviour of your cousin, especially after what she said about that beautiful heart-warming performance."
"C'mon Grandma Betty. I don't really care about her opinion of my voice, I mean I've heard worse."
"It's just when you sang…It was amazing Chloe, truly amazing… Your Grandpa would've been really proud." Her voice is all chocked up and you feel the tears catch in your throat as well.
"Thanks Grandma I really needed that."
"That's all I wanted to say. And perhaps clean your room, honey. It's a mess. Your Mom and Dad will call you later. Don't be shy to call us sometime…"
"I'm sorry, I will call you more often. I promise, I love you" and then you end the Skype call.
"Chloe are you all right?" Aubrey says when she finds you in the same position in the dark several moments later.
"Did what that horrible cousin of yours- "Janet " you supply.
"Whatever. What she said, is it still affecting you?"
"No…"
"Then what's wrong…"
"I miss my grandfather."
"Oh."
"He's the real man in my life. I know I have my Dad but there was something about my Grandpa-He didn't want me to try to be anything else than what I already was…"
"I remember when I first came out to him."
"You never told me this before Chloe."
"I know that's why I'm telling you now," you say, laughing while you brush away some tears that you didn't realise had started falling down your face.
"I was crying like I am now, but I was only eleven then and it was what I thought was my first heartbreak. He started trying to console me. He was asking me all kinds of questions, but then he asked me which boy made me cry. "Was it that Dennis Mason from down the street?"
You get lost in your narrative. You really feel like you are in that moment many, many years ago.
"Whoever he is, I'll go to his house and teach him a lesson" Grandpa says. He makes to stand up from his kneeling position on the front porch. "Let me at 'em, let me at 'em," he jokes, trying to get you to smile.
And you ended up crying harder "I can't Grandpa!"
"Why not Chloe?"
"'Cos it isn't a boy I'm crying about… It's a girl."
You don't want to see his face. Your grandparents were pretty cool and in with the times, but they were still very traditional. You feel the shame wash over you. You don't want to look up and see for the first time any hate, any disgust from the one man in your life who'd always loved you unconditionally.
"Chloe-are you telling me you that you're gay?"
"No-yes I mean I don't know Grandpa. I don't want to be, but I can't help how I feel."
"Now, now, there. Chloe, look at me. Tell me about this girl." You proceed to do so he wipes away your tears.
Your bottom lip is trembling you think you look pretty miserable.
"I love her...I love Beca...She's my soul mate. The mother of my future children. She just doesn't know it yet...How am I supposed to make all of that happen when she's so far away?"
"Beca, Beca… Why does that name sound so familiar? Isn't that the actress Beca Something?"
"Mitchell Grandpa...Yea she'll never know I exist and it hurts Grandpa."
Before you know it he's shaking, making funny noises. Oh yeah, that's how your Grandpa sounds when he's laughing.
"Why are you laughing? It's not funny!" You stomp your foot. Something you've been trying to get yourself to stop doing.
"Yes, of course not-it just oh Chloe. You love so wholeheartedly, so fully. Do you want to be committed to a Hollywood star-You're just so young, so naïve my dear...It's endearing." He's trying to pacify you, but you won't let him. You're practically a teenager now, not a kid any longer.
"Don't think I don't know about how I feel just because I'm young. I know I'm in love alright?"
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed, I mean I fell in love for the first time when I think I was 8... Your grandma was a beauty even then…"
You're sure you're missing something here, when it hits you. Where's his violent reaction? The drama you'd been expecting? You finally ask "So wait you don't hate me?"
"Why would I hate my Chlobear?"
"Because...I like girls, well right now one girl. The girl."
"No of course not honey, I wouldn't love you any less because of it...Who you love doesn't change who you are to me. You are and always will be my beloved granddaughter, plus you have good taste, so who am I to contest that?"
"Grandpa!"
"Just saying, if I were younger and hadn't already met the love of my life, I would do some serious crushing on your girl."
"I can't believe you just said that Grandpa…" he's laughing while you shake your head at him…"But you're right well it's only a fantasy...I mean she wouldn't even like me...love me."
"Well then she's not the right person for you."
"You're right, I mean look at me Grandpa...And look at her."
"I am looking Chloe and I can't say I'm not speaking from being your grandfather, but what I know is that she'd be stupid not to love you once she met you, once she got to know you."
"I always wished he was right, but even then I didn't really believe him, even more so now. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I may have originally auditioned to try my luck and meet Beca, but now that I'm here I might as well give it my all and win the whole thing, Beca, or no Beca."
"I just really hurt all over and I want it to stop. I want to stop hurting, stop feeling so damn depressed, so angry, so not like myself all the time."
"Hey Chloe, why don't you sleep it off? You're just really tired...I'll stay with you. It's okay, just sleep."
Reviews are always appreciated :))
James Arthur's version of Impossible has been on constant replay thru ought the chapter, if you haven't heard it yet give it a listen.
And to lighten it up you can listen to Hunter Hayes I Want Crazy (Cimorelli Version)
