A few notes, before this chapter...
- I know I already said it a thousand times... But I think for this chapter it's important to keep in mind that there were some pretty big time jumps.. This one takes place one and a half years after Meredith's death... Which is a long time and at the same time it's not that long... Also, every person is different :)
- And I know there is so much to write about the time in between the chapters... But, I decided to write the main part of this storyline around 2 years after Meredith's death (mostly, because it hurt me too much to think about what Andrew and everyone else was going through during the first few months...) BUT I added a few chapters (1-3) because I wanted to know how they were doing at the same time (if that makes sense?)


Part 4


1 and a half years (6 MONTHS LATER)

...

"Life without you is so much harder. I know you would want me to move on. But... it seems impossible." – 25. June 2022

...

"Are you okay?" I heard a voice behind me. Emma's voice.

Emma was a new attending. Pediatric Surgeon. She started at Grey-Sloan a little over a year ago, after Dr. Hayes decided to go back to Switzerland.

Emma and I were getting along pretty well. Maybe a bit more than just well. I had worked with her on a few cases over the past year, but we started to spend more time together a few months ago; after we had worked on a difficult case together and spent long hours at the hospital trying to figure it out. And it was the first time that I enjoyed someone else's company again.

But I couldn't.

We had gotten closer, we were spending more time together. Until that one day... because I couldn't.

...

I had offered her to give her a ride home after a long day at work a few weeks ago, when I noticed her yawning multiple times, and something inside me made me want to drive her instead of her driving herself in that state.

We had joked around during the drive; it was always so easy to talk to her. She was really the only person I talked that much to, besides my sister these days. And maybe Amelia, Maggie and the kids. I felt like I was getting closer to all of them, too. But Emma was a person who made things so easy to talk about, and I liked that.

"Thank you, Andrew." She brought me back out of my thoughts once we arrived at her house.

She was about to open the door when she hesitated a moment and turned around to me again.

"You know you deserve more than what you allow yourself, right?" She added softly before she was on her way to get up and leave.

"Wait." It took me a minute to answer, slowly registering her words. "What do you mean by that?"

She stayed silent for some time, where she just looked at me, before she spoke again.

"You're a good person. You deserve more, but... you hold yourself back from it. And I don't know the exact reason, but I know that you deserve happiness." She gave me a small smile.

"I don't –" I tried to protest, but she didn't let me. And she was right...

"You know what I'm talking about." She added with a small smile. "And I'm here when you're ready." She took my hand for a moment, before she got out of the car and went over to her house, leaving me even more confused behind.

I knew what she was talking about, but I couldn't.

And so, I put more distance between us again, physically and emotionally, because the implication of feelings that go beyond friendship between us scared me more than anything.

...

"Andrew? Are you okay?" I heard her again. I was sitting on one of the benches in the little park outside the hospital, getting some fresh air, before the next surgery.

"Yes. I will be back in a minute." I hoped it was convincing enough for her to go back inside again. But if I knew one thing about her, she didn't let me push her away that easily. Ever since that night, she gave me space, but at the same time she stayed close.

I felt her sit down next to me, she didn't say anything, she just sat there with me in silence for a moment.

"She died. My girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. She died two years ago." I started slowly, not completely sure why I was telling her this. But... maybe I wanted her to get to know me better...

"Dr. Grey?" Emma asked softly.

I looked at her surprised. I didn't know that she knew her.

"I work in the hospital that has her name all over it for over a year now." She explained with a small smile.

"I – Yeah. Meredith." I sighed, remembering her.

"I'm sorry."

We kept sitting there, and once again she took my hand and just gave me company for some moments.

.

"We should get into surgery now." She said after a while.

"Thanks." I whispered, thankful for her staying with me a few moments, without asking any further questions, because I wasn't sure I was ready to share more in that moment. I definitely wasn't ready to share more.

...

1 Month later

Emma and I had been getting closer again. We were at least back on a friendship level. If not more. I tried and she gave me space when I needed it. We worked together, and a few times we joined some coworkers at Joe's bar after our shift.

I wasn't going there often, I wasn't socializing much after Meredith died in general... But Carina and my therapist told me that I shouldn't shut myself off completely, that I should be with other people. And so, I tried. And I had to admit that most of the times I enjoyed the evenings at Joe's bar more than I had imagined.

Today, I walked Emma home. We had been at Joe's with some coworkers and decided to not drive anymore.

Just as she was about to go inside her house, I stopped her, making her turn around again. I didn't know why, but I didn't want to say goodbye for the day in that moment.

I was still holding her hand, the one I had taken to not let her go just then. She was looking up at me, taking my hand in hers as well. I looked down at our hands for a moment, surprised, not expecting this, even though I was the one who had taken hers first.

I knew where this could go. And it scared me. But why did I want it at the same time?

I was looking up again and saw her already searching for my eyes, with a small smile on her lips. And then I felt myself slowly leaning in to kiss her, led by the way she made me feel in that moment. I felt her carefully deepening the kiss and I let her. My fears disappearing for just a moment. It felt new and different; it felt good.

We were pulling away after some moments, looking at one another again, when I heard Emma whisper softly "And now?"

"I – I think I want to try if you want that to." I searched for her eyes trying to find an answer in them. In that moment it felt right.

"I want that." She looked up at me for a moment before we leaned in for another kiss, which got interrupted by my ringing phone. We pulled away, not able to hold back a little laugh, at our own surprised reaction about being interrupted.

I pulled out my phone, looking at it quickly, I already knew what it was; my reminder to take my medication and get enough rest.

"Your secret reminder?" I heard Emma.

"I – You remember? " I asked surprised that she knew – in part – what it was about.

"That you left every day at the same time after your phone started ringing, while we were working on that case together? Of course." She added with a warm smile.

"I – I – It's –"

"It's okay." She assured me, when she noticed that I wasn't sure how I wanted to talk about it. "One day." She added with a small smile, before she added, whispering "Goodnight, Andrew."

And then she went inside, leaving me slightly confused, but with a big smile on my face.

"Goodnight, Emma."

.

Kissing Emma felt good. At first. It's what I wanted in that moment.

But why did I feel like it was wrong somehow?

...

"Is it wrong to try to move on?" – 17. July 2022

[It is hard, but it's a good thing.]


End of chapter 4


There was a lot of Emma, but I promise there will still be a lot of Merluca in the next chapters!

Also, in total there will be around 15 chapters...

And thank you for reading!