Authors Note: Sorry about the last chapter, I was surprised and weirdly pleased/ slightly scared that some of you both hated and loved the sorta-kinda cliffhanger. But I'm happy overall because it means that I'm doing something right with my writing-that it's effective enough that it would evoke such reactions. And I sincerely do appreciate both the good and the bad. Though it kinda hurt when someone said they hated me and said that I was mean...but I'm just being oversensitive. I'm okay now...it's okay.*sob* I'm kidding...I think.
Also I know Beca's dad sucks...but try not to hate him too much, he's trying.
So this chapter took long to put together, it's longer than usual, and I feel like it was still not long enough...I personally think it doesn't really resolve much but...it's a filler chapter, the next one which i hope to post within the next few says will fast forward things a bit-back to the competition knock out rounds and stuff. So stay tuned. and on with the story!
Previously on Never Know What She Means To Me...
"But just, I might not say this ever again after this..." You completely understand. You together in a bathroom was different. Once she got outside she'd be in the public eye once again. This may be the only time that you were truly alone.
"Whatever we say in here, stays in here," you say to satiate her concerns.
"I wanted to say that I'm so glad that you're in my life... You mean a lot to me.
The door suddenly shakes.
"Beca? Are you in here? Beca Marie Mitchell?"
The two of you are looking at each other, not quite believing who had found you.
"Dad?" Beca calls back.
"Beca, yes I'm here. I've been looking everywhere for you. I'll get you out of here, I promise."
And just like that Beca's dads' voice pierces through your little bubble of a safe haven, forcing the reality of your situation upon the two of you. You waste no time in scrambling out of your positions on the floor to press your ears against the door, in order to make it much easier to communicate with Beca's dad.
Your disappointment of Beca's speech being interrupted -which you were sure was going to the biggest confession of love ever- was trumped by the relief you felt at finally being found.
You're wondering at your turn of luck, it was supposed to be a holiday today and yet you were found by Mr Mitchell, Executive Producer of all people.
But, you're not the only one who's feeling grateful.
"Dad. Daddy, I'm sorry! " Beca says in a burst of emotion. "I haven't exactly been fair to you,"
"No, you haven't, but go on," he says, causing Beca to cough out a mildly offended "hey!" amidst her laughter.
"Well...that's all I got. That was it. That's my great, heartfelt apology. I'm not really capable of... I don't really know how else to say it." Beca says awkwardly at losing her nerve,
"It's okay Becs... you don't have to, I understand-I know where it is you're coming from. I know that I've let you down countless of times and that... I haven't been so fair to you either, " Cameron says clearing his throat, "but I'm trying to fix things. I've been trying to be better, to make everything up to you." He stops, his voice getting choked up towards the end.
"Dad... Yeah, I appreciate how you're trying so hard with me, but I just..." she breaths shakily, trying to keep it together, "have some pent-up emotions, a lot of emotions and unresolved issues I guess." She says sharing a look with you, "Stuff that isn't... entirely your fault. Well, a lot of it is," she says honestly, causing the two of them to chuckle momentarily, "but I can't keep blaming you. I just… Can we fix this once we get outside?" Beca says her voice small, holding back her tears. You place your hand consolingly at the small of her back, she smiles a little, the corner of her mouth lifting.
"Of course, honey. And I'm really sorry about earlier as well. After I let myself cool down, I felt so guilty about shouting at you, talking to you like that." He says gravely "Ahem, I'm supposed to be the level-headed one, aren't I, but your old man keeps letting his anger get the best of him."
"Yeah, I tend to let my negative emotions get the best of me too. I'll be better. I know I should've been ready to apologize at once and owned up to everything, but I let it go on for as long as possible. I didn't want to give in so easily." she admits, shamefaced.
"Well, you always were a bull-headed kid..." Cameron gently teases,
"I think I get all that bullheadedness from you Dad." Beca says
You hear Cameron's deep laughter and Beca soon joins in. You can't believe you get to see, hear this- the two of them laughing together, sharing a light hearted moment for the first time in years. Especially after how crazy angry the two of them were at each other, seemingly just a while ago.
But you think it's about time you let your presence be known. You've been an unwarranted witness, a fly on the wall, far longer than you think they would appreciate.
"Hi, uh, Mr Mitchell sir." you say gently, wondering if there was ever a better way to avoid rudely interrupting their moment.
"Who's that with you?" he says, suddenly on alert.
"It's Chloe."
"Who?"
"Blue-eyed, redheaded, really talented, stunningly pretty Chloe." When there's still silence in the other end, "Honestly, dad? Gorgeous redhead, I just spelled it out for you. You really can't have forgotten this girl," Beca says. You raise an eyebrow at Beca and she just shrugs. "What, it's true..." she just says in reply, which causes you to smile feeling both amused and bashful.
"Chloe... Beale?" you say helpfully, hoping to jog his memory.
"Yeah...Oh Yeah! You're one of my daughter's girls. Why couldn't you have just said she was in your team Becs?" Cameron asks cheekily, causing Beca to roll her eyes, shaking her head.
"So-rry! People usually have no trouble remembering once I mention her distinct attributes and of course her name should've been a no brainer. She was right with me when you, you know, confronted me," Beca scoffs, smart-assed as ever. You see now where she gets it from.
"You know, I thought I saw the blonde girl you were with earlier," Cameron interrupts. "She was trying to get in past the guard, saying we were keeping a Chloe captive, threatening to take it to court if we didn't present Chloe to her within the next few hours. She's been running my ear with a million questions."
"Yeah, that's Aubrey all right," Beca says, while you just laugh at your best friend's tendency to really go all out crazy sometimes.
"You know, I wanted to start looking for you right after our fight, but no one had seen where you went, no one could find you. I knew you wouldn't answer a call from me, but I tried anyway. So I asked your assistant, who by the way is very scary, angry and unhelpful. When I asked her, the only thing she could tell me was 'the white girl probably went home'. I waited in your office for a few hours, then decided to go to your apartment instead. I saw your car was still in the parking lot and I know you'd never leave your baby behind if you can help it. And so I waited. I even called up security to watch the surveillance footage of the entire day, until someone said the last time you had been sighted was out on the hall near conference room B12, then you just disappeared and I went there immediately.
Beca and you are reacting appropriately, entranced with Cameron's story; laughing, gasping, making sounds of acknowledgement in all the right places. Beca on her part looks truly touched and impressed at how well her Dad knew her, the little details he kept, how hard he had tried finding her.
"I was just about to give up after the search remained fruitless, when I could've sworn I heard singing. I followed the sound and it led me here. I couldn't quite believe it. How did you get locked in here?"
"Long story actually. We're not quite sure ourselves." You start to hear numerous footsteps outside, some commotion.
"Who's with you outside?" Beca asks when you give a start of surprise.
"It's okay, just sit back and uh relax..." The two of you share a glance.
"Yeah, we've done lots of sitting down and relaxing," Beca says, taking your hand and idly swinging it between the two of you.
"Don't worry, I called in some resources to fix this mess. They'll get you out."
"Okay..." the two of you say, but you remain standing- to keyed up to sit back down.
A few minutes later and the door is swung open. And argh. You raise your hands to shield your eyes as you're blinded by all the light.
Was it always so much brighter out there?
"Is it me or does everything seem larger, more spacious?" Beca asks after she finishes rubbing her eyes. You blink, feeling your eyes recover and adjust.
"I feel like we're finally breathing in clean air..." The two of you are standing at the doorway, reveling in everything the outside world has to offer and while you finally walk out and you see that you do have more space. You realize that now you no longer have a reason-an excuse, you don't have to be pressed too close, within an inch of Beca anymore.
You decide to hold onto it for as long as it lasts, for as long as Beca doesn't pull away first.
The two of you smile back at the toilet. "Good old trusty toilet...I'll actually miss this place." Beca sighs looking all nostalgic.
"You're kidding right?" You say, but you're looking back as well, a small smile on your face.
"Yeah we will always have this... Wait a minute, this place seems oddly familiar. I feel déjà vu all of a sudden."
"Uh, we really need to get some food in you. I think the emptiness is getting to your head. Of course it's familiar, we spent almost a day in there." You hadn't really cared about food when you were in there, it had been the last thing on your mind, but now your stomach grumbles at the mere mention of it. What had been the last thing you had eaten? Some toast for breakfast and orange juice, that was it...
"I just realized something," Beca says. Her face clear at her realization. You're frowning, concerned with her mental as well as physical well-being.
"What?" you ask, hesitantly.
"This is the bathroom where we first officially met." she says
"How do you figure-" but then, you look around and realize she's right. The two of you are standing right at the spot.
"You're right." you say returning her huge smile, her excitement infectious.
"Weird." The two of you say at the same time. What was it about you, Beca and washrooms?
Once again, your eyes are locking with each other's and you are propelled back to that precise moment when you felt- that you were so sure she'd say it.
"You said you wanted to tell me something, you never quite got to finish..."
"Yeah. It's something about me that I've kept hidden for so long, but not in an overly depressing way. Something I don't like talking about aloud, but I've known this about myself for-"
Her phone suddenly starts to go off.
"That is the sound of a million messages trying to reach your phone all at the same time," you comment as she reached for said phone.
"Yup, several messages and missed calls from my assistant, from my publicist, from my dad and from... Jesse..."
It's weird, you feel like she hadn't mentioned him in days.
"Jesse! Oh god, he must've been really worried." She almost sounded like she had forgotten him for a moment there.
"Beca, it's Jesse," Cameron says from behind you two and you quickly turn around, your heart beating really fast. You frown when you don't see Jesse anywhere, unless he was hiding behind the wall or something. Weird… You see Cameron waving his mobile phone, then proceeding to hand it over to Beca. Oh, okay. He's on the phone. You were scared for a moment there that Jesse was actually here in America, not far away in Europe, frightened that he would be back in the picture even before you had completely erased him out of it. And you were just so close to making her yours.
"Beca! Okay you're in one piece, you're alright! I was so worried. I was trying to call you as soon as I heard…"
But even hearing his voice doesn't settle well with you. It does nothing to calm your sudden apprehensions.
You look over to see that they're on Facetime. You get a glimpse of how happy Beca's face becomes when his face finally appears, catching up to the sound. With a heavy heart you move to walk away to give Beca her privacy with him, but Beca quickly grabs your hand, keeping you in place close to her, sending a pleading look- begging with those eyes that you can't resist, so that you two are on the screen.
"...Oh. Hi Chloe. Hey, are you both okay?" Jesse asks. You can see there's a crease on his forehead, but he quickly smoothens it out.
"Yeah, we're good. They should totally make shirts that say 'I survived being locked in a toilet', you say, which makes Beca laugh weakly.
"So it wasn't that bad? How'd it even happen? And with the two of you."
"Long story short, as is normal Dad and I were biting each other's heads off and I went away to cool off. So, I went to the bathroom and Chloe accompanied me. We went into the bathroom together, just like all normal girls do, nothing big about that and uh, I wanted a minute away from everyone-so we shut the door on everyone outside," she answers drolly making light of everything as is her way-before she yawns, You didn't need that action to know how tired she is. You can hear it, see the redness of her eyes, the bags around her eyes. She's emotionally and physically spent.
"How did you survive in there? What did you guys even do? I bet you had to come up with a lot of things to keep yourselves preoccupied. I can imagine a lot went down."
"Uh...Well"
You keep silent, not really having an answer.
"I'm saying I'd imagine 'cos I really wouldn't know...I have absolutely no idea-I mean it would be kinda nice to hear from you. It'd be nice to know what's going on-what's been going on...once in a while," Jesse says and there's something to his tone - almost accusing.
Beca's eyes narrow, then she raises a single brow.
"What are you trying to say Jess? What're you implying?"
You don't really feel like watching a lover's quarrel between the two. Sure, you liked the idea that maybe there were some unresolved problems or some brewing tension between the two, but can anyone say 'awkward' watching at such a close range.
Third party premier seat.
"It's just that we haven't really had the chance to talk much lately..." he says in a much gentler tone.
"We've both been busy. I've been trying, you're never available when I call and vice versa with me. And, it's not all my fault, so why the hell does it sound like you're blaming me, pinning everything on me?" she says, trying to raise her voice but it comes out scratchy the beginning of a sore throat or perhaps a cold.
Lay off Jesse, she's had a long night, you're thinking but you don't really have the heart to interrupt. You haven't the energy to say it out loud.
"Don't get mad, I'm just trying to say that I'm sorry I keep missing you. I missed hearing from you, I miss you. I just wanted to know how you were."
You had made the decision of keeping your face neutral, to keep it blank, but you had to fight hard to resist the impulse of rolling your eyes at at that last line.
"I was -It was alright. We got by. I'm not sure if it's an experience I'd want to go through ever again, but I'm okay Jess. You don't need to be worried about anything," Beca says, sounding more wary, even a tad bit impatient.
It could've just been you, but you thought that she had a double meaning to her words the 'anything' could've easily been anyone…
"Hey, maybe I should just come home. Things are moving speedily along here. Travis Walt is proving to be a major hit...definite pontech. I have a loose schedule I could fly down tomorrow?"
Your heart thuds harder in suspense.
"Jesse, I thought you said you'd still needed a couple of weeks; that you wouldn't be ready until next week. For everything to be entirely settled," Beca says. Phew.
"Wow, thanks for enthusiasm there. You really sound like you miss me. Way to make it out like I'm the last person that you want to see right now..." he says, and you see the little bit of hurt in his eyes.
Beca, however is quick to reassure him.
"No. No, of course I do! I'm sorry I sound so unenthusiastic about you coming home- I am...enthusiastic, I mean. It's just that I don't want you to rush things. You've been working really hard on Travis, planning his debut album release for more than two years. I can't make you drop everything and leave, especially when you're just about to reach your mark. Not for my account and I'm sorry I'm cranky and irritable as I feel, I'm just… tired." she says earnestly, "C'mon Jess of course I missed you!"
The speech works, causing Jesse's boyish grin to brighten again, good mood restored.
You inwardly groan, but you think your stomach does as well.
"Yeah. We should get both of you out of here, get some decent food and let you rest," Cameron says, wondering back after talking to the men who had gotten you out- hearing the tail end of their conversation.
His words seem to go unnoticed and unacknowledged by Beca, whose attention seems to be focused on something else.
You hear before you actually see who exactly it is...
"Chloe!" comes the unearthly wail form behind you and the next second you are completely smothered. The air is knocked clean straight out of you by a mess of blonde hair that is Aubrey Posen, smelling like her mango scented shampoo."I kept calling you...and I was waiting with such good news...and when you didn't come... and you always, always leave a message, you find a way to inform me if you can't come home." You note how cold and damp she feels, You realize that those are because of all her tears. She's covered in them.
"How did you manage to lock yourself in a bathroom? That is the dumbest thing ever..." she says angrily, or as angry as she can manage through her violent crying.
As she's speaking she keeps tightening her grip on you, afraid that for just one second you'll disappear. She's absolutely wrecked sobbing, leaving everyone in the vicinity dumbstruck and cautious, more so you and Beca. You're sure you have similar worries for her mental health.
She's babbling, barely making sense. Aubrey only got like this when she was really scared.
She's completely lost her head, like the eloquent lawyer in her just stepped out of the building.
Her face is red and gone is her normally put together poised self. She never allows herself to look like this you think, you must've really scared her.
"And I kept thinking, what if you got mugged, or got hit by a car. 'Cos that would be a very good reason for you to not come home. And I'm not saying those are good things cos they're very, very bad and horrible, but it was a better excuse than locking yourself in a toilet. And I was envisioning what would your mother say to me? I promised I'd look after you...and I just left you... Then I remembered I'd left you here. And that you wouldn't just leave the building if Beca was still in it... You would never leave her side, unless it was like some life or death situation or something." She laughs and you join her, sounding hysterical.
"She's really upset, she doesn't really know what she's saying," you say rather frantically to Beca's dad, who's standing awkwardly to one side and Jesse who's still on the phone. They are both watching with rapt expressions on their faces, especially Jesse, who's eyes are rather unreadable.
"So I started asking around for here everywhere. I called people up. I even tried to break in here, but I got detained in one room by one of the guards. I am totally going to report that man, he was very rough, he barely listened to me. They thought I was some Beca Mitchell stalker which was just mortifying and weird...No offense"
"None taken?" Beca says cautiously, looking at Aubrey and her grip on you, approaching slowly.
"Aubrey," you say gently. You can hardly breathe. "Help," you utter looking Beca's way, conveying your distress which quickly prompts Beca to jump into action, scrambling and trying to pry Aubrey of off you, but Aubrey's grip was similar to that of a boa constrictor.
"You really want to squeeze the life out of her? 'cos you're succeeding." she asks, out of breath herself, all the while struggling.
"Oh sorry," Aubrey says as it dawns on her and she finally releases you.
"Chloe was with me the whole time, she was perfectly safe." Beca says trying to assure her.
"Thanks," Aubrey says, transferring her death grip on Beca. Aubrey's hugging Beca. You just want to expel a great big 'Aw', you wanted to take a picture or something, but seriously, you thought that the force behind Aubrey hugging you was bad...but now, you're actually afraid, more concerned for Beca being crushed as she was so much smaller compared to Aubrey. "Uh you're welcome?" she wheezes out, once Aubrey lets go of her. And you rush to check for any injuries,
"Chloe, Beca, sorry but the two of you really stink." Aubrey comments sounding more like herself.
"Yeah. We were stuck in a toilet together." Beca says sarcastically, but not intending to be mean.
"We should probably get both of you young ladies home," Cameron says gently, eyeing Aubrey worriedly.
He mouths 'Is she going to be alright' to you, and you smile before you say, "eventually".
He puts a hand to Aubrey's back as he leads her back outside, comforting her as they walk ahead while you and Beca trail behind you're only slightly in front of Beca who' still glued to the Facetime call with Jesse.
"C'mon Babe, I think I know the perfect way to get you all relaxed-" is what you can hear Jesse saying, his voice taking this unmistakably sexy quality "I'll have to save it for later though when we're alone," he says lowering his voice but he pointedly looks at you and you move away from Beca. "Let's Skype later on. You know I love what we get up to on our video calls." You try to push away all the ugly invading mental images springing to mind and trying to hold back the bile, lest you Aubrey-like projectile vomit all over the place.
The two of you reach the entrance of the building and you leave to go, this is where you part ways. Where you're no longer within a seconds grasp away from each other. Cameron is leading Beca in the opposite direction one hand perched a little awkwardly on her shoulder and Aubrey is ushering you towards her car. You're looking over your shoulder every now and then and you hate the vision of watching Beca getting further away from you, getting smaller. She turns and quickly raises a hand in farewell too tired to do anything more-Cameron sends a nod your way before they get into the car and you watch as they drive away-and you're feeling something close to panic, feeling oddly lonely and so very sad. You think you're probably having some major separation anxiety at this point.
She's gone home-not with you, and not to your place, she had gone to the house that she shared with the man she would most likely be marrying.
You get into the car and the rest of the ride has you feeling numb, brain actively over thinking, but you don't feel like responding to any conversation that Aubrey starts. She's thankfully back to normal, having gotten herself together after a quick nip at Starbucks. Now it's her turn to be worried about you and your silence.
You're wallowing...
You never wanted to be the one to fall for someone who was in a relationship, in fact it made you feel guilty. You know Beca and her stance against cheating, she would never condone to such a thing.
But you're blowing this out of proportion nothing had happened between the two of you, but who are you kidding? Since day one, since forever, you had all kinds of agendas to get Beca to yourself.
And it was proving easier with this friendship you had established. And because of Jesse flying in and out of the state…
You did promise him you'd take care of her while he was away right?
And besides Beca needed someone who'd never leave her side...
You hate thinking that maybe where you taking advantage of Beca's vulnerability, but you wanted her to love you, you needed to know, you had to be sure she loved you and only then would everything else become irrelevant.
Her loving you would take away this raw feeling akin to guilt that had been settling in your stomach ever since he made his presence known-it reminded you that she was still his girl. You've had this heavy feeling in your chest ever since Jesse turned up and had to remind you of your place. Reminding you that she would never truly belong to you.
You're feeling odd when you wake up so suddenly, sometime later.
You're wondering what woke you since you were supposed to be out like a light-you were a heavy sleeper when exhausted but wait you're hearing the vibration of your phone. You grab for it hastily, trying not to wake up Aubrey who merely groans and shifts over.
Seriously that's what you woke up to?
One time, you slept through an entire Ragin' party you had attended. You passed out in one of the upstairs bathrooms right on the floor exhausted from Bella practice, slept on even when the cops came to break it up... You woke up later in your own room, turns out Aubrey and some of the Bellas had to carry you out.
You answer before you even check who it is on the line.
"Hello."
"Beca?" You clear your throat, argh your voice was groggy.
"Hi," she says, not sounding at all tired. You could almost say she sounded not tired at all, why was she so...awake?
"What's got you calling? I thought you'd be resting by now. I thought you'd go straight to bed after you skyped with Jesse."
"Yeah, but I...I needed someone to talk with... someone else, I mean you...Jesse's well he's been stressed, so he's been taking it out on me...blaming me...like I wanted him gone. And the truth is I'm just telling him how it is that his responsibility of finishing the last leg of his promotions should come before me, even If I do need him..."
She's calling you to comfort her after she was done Skype fighting with her fiancée...Argh but yippee she called you. She called you.
Beca' still venting, and you tune back in rather guiltily having drowned her out for a moment there.
"Can't he see he'd only stop by but he would have to leave again, and it would just make things worse, make me all bummed out that he can't stay longer?"
"Uh long-distance relationships are the worst," you say non-comitally, but you're saying this based on your experience from your light-years away from each other relationship you had with Beca through the years.
It counts...even if you were the only one who had known it at the time.
You're trying desperately to think of the right thing to say to make her feel better, even though her grieving over her fiancée's leaving- was the last thing you wanted to talk about. But you had to let being her friend come first, before everything else.
So far you're thinking of saying something along the lines of 'If their love was strong enough it would hold out no matter the distance, it could overcome anything, crush any obstacles in their way", but no, that didn't really apply to them. That applied more to Beca and you. Shit. Sorry...c'mon think think...thinkkkk...brain blast. No...Not really, you give up, you can't really think straight when it comes to her. LOL pun intended.
Beca interrupts your train of thought almost as if she knew exactly what you were thinking "No don't worry you don't have to assure me or give advice or anything like that you've done that enough already. I just needed someone to listen I suppose, you're a good listener. I'm actually relatively okay. I'm just feeling all alone in this empty house."
"So you're calling for some pillow talk?"
"What?" Beca stammers "Uh-"
And ah you really needed to clarify what you just said.
"Wait no, not that kind of pillow talk... Like talking and we're both rested on our pillows…"
"Okay, that's a very different definition from what I'm used to."
"Beca...I have to ask, doesn't it happen a lot though, travel and distance with tours and everything for you...I'm asking cause I thought it was something that you had to guessed used to-to accept as being part of Hollywood and stuff."
"I guess it never used to bother me before. But now...I really miss, I love-"
If she says him. You just might throw the phone in frustration. What had happened to everything? To her telling you she loved you when now she's going on and on about her fiancée.
"I've grown to love having someone close to me, next to me at all times," she says, her voice growing small, spitting it out like some dirty little secret.
"Aw." You want to express how that just warms your heart but you don't want to embarrass her further. So, you move along with another question.
"Hey, what happened with your dad by the way? Did you guys get to talk after I left with Aubrey?"
"We were too tired, but we've already decided, kind of planned to do some father daughter things which I don't really have any idea what that is, but we'll talk me and him. We'll see if it wasn't just an 'in the heat of the moment' kind of thing, but I really think I'm you know… we both really want to fix things at least I'm trying now..."
You nod along silently, "That's good" you say pleased,
"How's Aubrey? Did you manage to calm her down?" she asks in turn.
"Yeah, I ended up taking care of her instead of her taking care of me. Well she was distraught, but after we both got settled and after some warm drinks and after tucking her into bed eventually, she tired herself out. She fell asleep just before I had my warm bubble bath ready."
"How was the Bubble bath? Did it have pink bubbles? Did you have fun splashing around?" she asks seriously, but you can hear humour lacing her tone.
"Yeah, it's very relaxing and I felt like I had to soak myself, so I could really feel clean." you say rather defensively, wondering what about you taking bubble baths was so amusing to her.
"I really enjoy my bubble bath bathroom time. What's wrong with that?"
"Aw nothing...It's cute," she says, , you could see why you calling her cute would be annoying now and you grumble.
"I'm not cute. Adults can enjoy bubble baths too, you know," which makes her laugh even more.
"So have you been constantly checking up on Aubrey?" She says, trying to change the topic to veer you from completely getting annoyed at her.
No...I don't have to...we're sleeping with each other. I mean, she's currently sleeping right next to me."
"You guys are sharing the same bed?"
"Ha-ha yeah we're practically spooning," you joke. "Why you jealous?" you tease, trying to get something out of her. You really want to know if she'll admit to it.
"Surprisingly, yes. I thought all things touchy-feely, cuddling was reserved for me."
"Hmm you Miss I hate all kinds of excessive physical contact is actually jealous that I have a different cuddle buddy? I love cuddling, I'm a very affectionate touchy-kind of person, especially with the people I love."
"Yeah, I know," she says huffing and so jealous over the phone making you strangely happy. See, she's the cute one in this relationship. The irony though that she's jealous of you sharing a bed with your friend when she's the one who has this entire relationship that you should be acting all jealous about.
"But you know what?" you say,
"You're still going to tell me anyway so just go ahead."
"You're my favourite, just don't tell Aubrey."
And you feel yourself smiling giddily and you lean back into the bed closing your eyes to picture Beca doing the same.
"Chloe" she says after a second. You dozed off for a moment there... This felt so much like when you were in school staying up late talking on the phone with your girlfriend.
"You fell asleep on me!"
"Sorry..." you yawn.
"So, I have a question...don't be weirded out.
"So how does it work I mean...you like girl's right?"
"Uh yeah… And?"
"But do you only like girls I mean would you be entirely opposed to dating men?"
"No of course not...I like girls, as a matter of fact I love them but it's never been about what the person's sexuality is it's about who she, or he, is. I've dated guys...and so yeah I would if I fell in love with someone."
She's silent for a long time and you think she fell asleep, getting back at you, but she expels a sigh and clicks her tongue a bit. Hmm you guess she's still contemplating what you said.
"Can I ask another question?"
"Uh-huh" you yawn again.
You wait for a second and her breathing is the only thing you hear.
"Okay, I can almost hear the question ready to jump there just spit it out already," you say flatly, wondering what's got her so curious about your preferences.
"So what's it like you know...with girls?"
"What's it like with girls?" you repeat slowly. Love for lesbians, how does one explain that really? There wasn't really a distinct difference... Sure, there's the pros of getting each other, being willing to talk about feelings and stuff, but there were still the same problems as well.
You always thought each individual loved differently in their own way-no love ever felt the same it wasn't just a gender, same sex thing.
"With lesbians," she adds.
What is it like with lesbians you mull it over?
You're not really sure what she's getting at, until like a slow light switch being switched on in your brain, you suddenly realize.
"You're talking about girl on girl, like sex?"
"Yeah...what did you think I was talking about?"
"Nothing...I just okay, well you know it's um very hands on. More like fingers on... uh. Why are you asking me this?"
"So uh I use to watch glee you know with those two cheerleaders Brittany and Santana...They were best friends who hung out a lot and eventually fell in love..."
Okay what is she saying? Is she trying- is she hinting at something? Is she ready to tell you? You're waiting once again in bated breath, thinking oh god this is it. Finally!
"And I was thinking about...two girls that I know who are in a very similar situation…"
Please.
"...So you and Aubrey you never..." She trails of instead, taking you completely by surprise.
"NO I haven't with Aubrey, jeez. I don't see her that way," you say. What the hell?
"It's just that you guys are really close and well I...I heard that sometimes that's how those kind of things start..."
Why was she so freaking oblivious? She knows that you've had a crazy fan crush on her and that you had dropped many a hint. Who couldn't put it together? Why can't she figure it out?
"If that were true then we'd be falling in love as well," you say out-front.
There's a pause before Beca laughs and mutters touché, completely disregarding that moment and everything you were saying.
"So interesting flow of conversation," she says drily.
"Yeah, you know how much I enjoy our all over the place talks," you whisper back when Aubrey rolls over to face you... You reply sounding tired, clipped, feeling rather put out.
"So, I thought by now that you'd be tired of me and listening to all my problems, and weird musings about relationships and all that," she says, trying to inject some humour but sounding unsure, probably picking up on your sudden change of mood and you roll your eyes at yourself when you just as quickly let it all go, focused on reassuring her.
"Never, I mean pssh of course not...I'll always be here to hear whatever you want me to hear you saying...That came out weirdly...okay, erase that. I'm trying to say that I'll be here if ever or whenever you need me, don't ever forget it."
"That's sweet Chloe...you know I always wondered how it felt like…"
"What?"
"Having someone really close to me, almost like..."
You heart speeds up a bit, "-a sister. Turns out it feels really nice."
Fucking constant disappointment-it was a real bitch sister! She thinks of you as a sister... Man, it almost feels like for each time you take a slow deliberate step forward consequently you're always pushed three steps back.
Friend you could deal with, you can get past that zone, even best friend, but if she thinks of you as a sister...that's like...fucking hopeless.
"You think of me as a sister?"
She laughs before she says "You sound really offended...But no that was the wrong word. You are so much more Chloe, so much more to me. It means a lot what you said. And be ready to always be there, 'cos I'll hold you to it."
"'Kay-"
"So sleep okay, sorry I woke you."
"You didn't-"
"Shush get a good sleep now...I'll cancel whatever you have for the next day, I want you to take it easy."
Yeah, she was right. Her words are sinking in, making you aware how much sleep you needed. You can barely keep your eyes open anymore.
"Bye then, Becs. Love you so much," you mumble, no longer in control of what you're saying. Like there's a disconnect between your brain and your mouth.
"Sleep tight Chloe...Love you too," she says before she hangs up.
You hear the phone call end and it takes a lot longer for her words to sink in.
"Wait, what?" You scream into the phone...did she just...
"What the hell? Keep it down Chloe-I still have to go to work today," Aubrey mumbles.
"Sorry," you say, settling back into the covers but you're still staring at your phone. She'd said it. You wish you could've recorded that so you could replay it over and over again.
Nelly Furtado once sang 'Baby don't be mad...don't get mean'... Just chill Review react all you want... :D
