He didn't realize he'd forgotten the way his mother's hands cupped his face until it was too late. He didn't realize he'd forgotten the way Gauis' eyebrow arched when he was being an idiot or the way Will used to clap him on the back. He stopped looking for Gwaine's hair or Lancelot's smile in every man. He stopped watching for Morgana's smirk or Gwen's eyes in every woman.

And when he watched the golden light dance through the window he didn't think of his golden crown and golden hair and golden heart. When laid back on the grass, watching the bright sky, his mind didn't wander to his bright bright blue eyes. When he would pull on his favorite red shirt, he didn't realize he'd forgotten why he loved it so much. He didn't know when he'd forgotten what clotpole or dollophead meant, yet he still used the words. He stopped understanding why his heart ached every time he saw a golden head or blue eyes or crooked teeth or something and anything since he managed to somehow find him in everything. He stopped remembering who he was trying so hard not to forget.

Arthur. Arthur Arthur.

-o-0-o-

Author's Note: Hey guys! This is my first Merlin fan fiction and of course its angst. I'm still in the process of writing this so give me some time but I'lll try to update every week or so. Chapters are going to be much longer than this so don't worry. Let me know how it is so far! Love, myrddin