2.6
Chris was startled.
Fifteen minutes ago the Wards had gotten their usual call from The Techno Queen, cackling about the hopelessness of their situation, babbling something about having kidnapped Dinah Alcott (again), and then hanging up at the exact second they'd finally triangulated her position, which was not only ridiculously suspicious but also needlessly useless, as she was always at her "secret" lair. She hadn't even bothered to move after the first time they found it.
And now they were here, and Chris had expected Dinah slowly but inevitably being propelled to her imminent death somehow, from which they could only save her by defeating the Dastardly Techies, and… that was not what he was seeing. Sure, Dinah was tied down to a board which was painfully slowly rolling towards a buzz saw with a deadly gleam to its edge. Sure, The Techno Queen was standing in front of her throne, posing with all her might. And sure, there were foes standing before them, hindering them from saving the young, innocent girl (who was unconvincingly screaming with fear). But… those were not the Dastardly Techies.
The full team had come, Chris himself, Clockblocker, Aegis, Gallant, Shadow Stalker, Vista, and Flechette. And they were staring at mirror duplicates of themselves, except with reversed color schemes.
Even Clockblocker was stunned into silence for a moment. But he was the go to man when it came to all situations Techno Queen for a reason, and he quickly and admirably rallied against the shock.
"A-Ah, my wicked foe, what is this particular villainy you have in store for us today? …No, really, what the hell are those?" Clockblocker said, clearly creeped out by being glared at by someone who looked exactly like him.
"Oh, poor, naïve, little Clockblocker. Today you and your trusty sidekicks-"
Shadow Stalker twitched visibly. Chris had to admit that he didn't like being demoted to Clockblocker's "trusty sidekick" either.
"-face your greatest challenge yet. Prepare yourself, pathetic heroes, as you face enemies that will match you blow for blow, kick for kick, and sneer for sneer. None know you better than yourselves after all. Meet my finest creations to date…"
She paused dramatically, which meant that she was about to shout at the top of her lungs. Chris braced himself.
"… the BACK-WARDS!" she threw her head back and laughed mirthfully (and evilly).
Wait, had she just made exact duplicates of them all just to make that pun?
"Where are the Dastardly Techies?" Gallant asked suddenly.
"It's Sunday! I'd never make my subordinates work on a Sunday." The Techno Queen said in a horrified tone of voice.
"… Why does mine have a goatee?" Vista asked, raising her hand hesitantly.
"Pardon?"
"Goatee. My… Back-Ward has a goatee."
Indeed, it did. And so did all the others, actually, at least the ones where the masks permitted you to see the chin.
"Because it's evil?" The Techno Queen said in a Duh sort of voice. Because of course evil things needed goatees.
"You don't have a goatee." Aegis pointed out. Good point, Aegis. Have a cookie.
"Well, that's, well!" The Techno Queen sputtered indignantly for an excuse.
"We don't know whether or not she's got a goatee." Clockblocker jumped to her rescue.
"Are you defending her?" Flechette asked surprised. Oh, that naïve fool. She would learn.
"He is not! That would be unseemly, he's my arch nemesis after all!" The Techno Queen shouted.
"You don't really have a goatee do you?" Clockblocker said, sounding suddenly very concerned about the possibility.
"What- no!"
Clockblocker audibly sighed with relief.
"So my point still stands!" Aegis said, waving a victorious finger in the air.
"Does not!" The Techno Queen said.
"Does too!" Aegis shouted back.
"Nu uh!"
"Yu uh!"
"Christ, can we just kill these abominations already?" Shadow Stalker interrupted the shouting match before it degraded any further, if that was possible.
"Wait, do you think they're sentient?" Chris asked, concerned with the possibility.
"Who cares?" Shadow Stalker asked, loading her bow.
Well, that was creepy.
"They're not sentient." Gallant said soothingly. "I'm not sensing any emotion coming from them."
"Good enough for me!" Shadow Stalker shot her arrow at her double, who nimbly dodged.
One, as the Wards soon found out, the Back-Wards were just very well made robots, and did not in fact bleed. Two, thankfully, The Techno Queen had not somehow found a way to grant robots powers. Three, they were good as fuck at dodging and punching though.
It took way longer than they had first assumed to neutralize the doppelgangers, and by the time they were done Dinah had fallen asleep on her way to her doom. Flechette cut her free from her ropes, Clockblocker and The Techno Queen did a quick pose-off/thing that made their thinly veiled mutual crush painfully obvious, and then they were done.
The Techno Queen punched in Dinah's kidnapee card for the third time.
AN: Very happy with this chapter. Banter is the best!
