I'M BACK! Happy New Year Everyone! I know that I have been out of action for the last couple of months, and I am so sorry. Life just got a little hectic for me and it kept me from my writing. But it is a new year (Goodbye 2020, we won't miss you) and I plan on starting it with a positive new attitude and with a whole new chapter. I hope you all enjoy...
Chapter 13
"Oh Bella, I would love to do this!" My mother exclaimed.
After our follow-up appointment with Leah, I took Bella and Isaac out to lunch. While we ate, I proposed my suggestion of having Esme looking after Isaac while she and I were at work.
"She would be a perfect choice, Bella," I told her. "With her and my father retired, they would love to have someone to devote their time to."
Not surprising, Bella was pretty hesitant to ask my mother for help, although she stressed that it wasn't because she didn't like my parents. I knew trust was something that didn't come easily for Bella, given her past. And this was certainly a very big step for her to take since she had not been away from Isaac since the accident. However, I knew this was something Bella needed to do if she was actually serious about getting back to work and trying to create a new life for the both of them.
"I don't know, Mrs. Cullen," Bella countered. "I don't want to take advantage of you and your husband. Your family has already done so much for me, I'd hate for you to think I'm just exploiting your generosity."
I roll my eyes as I stand behind Bella as my mother took a moment to choose her words before responding to Bella.
"First of all," My mother began. "It's Esme. We're far too close now to be using surnames." Bella was about to defend herself, but my mother continued.
"Second of all; Bella, you're not taking advantage of anything. Carlisle and I have grown quite attached to that little boy in just the short amount of time we have gotten to know the two of you. And we would love to spend more time with him." She nodded towards the two-year-old who was currently entertaining himself in the living room with his toys.
"Esme...I'm just not sure-" Bella still tried to debate, but my mother quickly took her hand in her own; Seizing Bella's argument. She then brought Bella's attention to her own and the two women just sat there at the kitchen counter, staring at one another.
"Bella," My mother was the first to speak. "As a mother, I can understand your hesitation. Hell, after I had Edward, it was a good six months before I could even trust my own mother to be left alone with him." She explained. "And, given what you're going through, I can only imagine it's far more challenging." Bella's eyes moved away from Esme's gaze.
"Bella, look at me," She told her, putting her finger under her chin and moving it back in her direction. Eventually, Bella's eyes met mom's again.
"I understand why you are so reluctant and I know this is an extremely scary thing for you to do. To trust someone enough to take care of your child, even for just a few hours is truly terrifying. But, I hope you can start to let barriers down and start to believe in people again. Now I'm not saying it has to be with me; If there is someone else you would rather have watch Isaac, then that's great. I won't be offended, I promise. I just hope you know that, if you were to give me the chance, I would prove that I am worthy of your trust. I would protect that little boy with everything inside me. The same way I'd protect you or anyone else I love. He would be safe and loved and well cared for. But, whatever you decide to do, Bella, I am with you. I just hope you will let your heart and mind become more open to the people who truly care about you." With that last statement, my mother gave me a sly look; As if there was a more underlying meaning to what she was saying.
Bella just stayed silent. She continued to look down at her hands on the counter, agonizing through her internal struggle.
What I wouldn't give to just have one golden moment to look inside that woman's head, I thought. Just a moment, to know what she was truly thinking.
The strikes on the kitchen clock continued to tick by, and still, Bella remained deep in thought. I could tell that as much as Bella was stressing over her answer, my mother was on the edge of her seat. Anticipating Bella's answer just as much.
Finally, Bella looked up at Esme, her eyes glistening with fresh tears. However, a small smile graced her pouty lips along with her tears, indicating that what she had to say was good news.
"Okay," Bella simply said.
"Yeah?" My mother exclaimed, almost in disbelief.
"Yes, Esme. I would love for you to watch Isaac." Bella said, more confidently.
While I constantly find myself trying to control my want to hold or comfort Bella, my mother shows no such self-control and immediately pulls Bella into a hug. I can see the emotions radiating off the two of them as their faces are stained with tears of joy.
"Thank you, Bella," Esme expressed, her voice full of emotion. "I promise you, Isaac will be safe."
"I know he will, Esme," Bella said. "And thank you so much for your help." Bella's face then went from joyful to serious. "But I want to pay you." She told her.
Now it was my mother's turn to get serious.
"No, Bella," She said adamantly.
"I insist, Esme," Bella said.
"I decline," She responded. "This isn't about money for me, Bella. I didn't make this offer to make money. I did this because I want to; Because I want to help you and Isaac in any way I can. And I refuse to take money out of the hands of a woman who is trying to rebuild her life."
Bella was quiet for another moment. "But I want to show you my appreciation to you in some way." She finally pleaded to my mother.
"You can," Esme assured. "By allowing me to spend time with that wonderful baby and by showing up every Sunday for family dinner. Do that and that's all the compensation I will need."
I could tell Bella was still hesitant about not having to pay my mother for childcare. I know Bella did not like accepting help from others without paying it forward, but, to be fair, it's not like my parents are hurting for cash. My father was a well respected and highly successful E.R Doctor for well over twenty years and had the pension to show for it. Not to mention my mother's family was well-off as well. My maternal grandfather was a successful businessman in Denali Alaska and owned two oil refineries. When he died, he left my mom quite a large inheritance, which she has been able to build and save for some years from her boutique business. So, I don't think missing out on a couple of hundred bucks was going to affect them greatly.
With some slight reluctance, Bella did agree to mom's terms. I could have told her that it was useless to try and argue with Esme Cullen, but I think she is slowly finding that out for herself. When it comes to family, my mother usually gets her way.
"Alright then, let's tell Isaac the good news," mom exclaimed, walking into the living room to join the toddler.
"Isaac sweetie," My mother called as she sat down on the floor beside him. "Would you like to come over to my house and play with me and Carlisle?" She asked him.
The little boy immediately jumped up with tremendous glee.
"Yay!" Isaac cheered and rushed into my mother's arms. Mom just giggled with delight.
"Now hold on a minute, Esme," Bella interrupted as she entered the living room. "Nothing is set in stone. I haven't gotten the job, I don't even have an interview yet."
"Oh, that's just formality Bella," She brushed her off. "We all know you are brilliant and more than qualified for the position."
Bella again looked down. It was hard for her to accept compliments from people at times.
'Probably comes from hearing nothing but insults' I thought to myself.
"Bella," My mother called for the shy girl's attention once again.
She looked up at Esme.
"I hope you know that I care about Isaac and you very much. And I have no doubt in your abilities as a nurse or your capability of getting this job. So please, don't doubt yourself."
She returned Esme kind words of faith with an equally kind smile that reached her eyes. A rare thing for Bella. Absolute happiness.
"Thank you, Esme," Bella said.
"So, Bella. Am I still able to watch this wonderful little boy here?" Drawing their attention back to Isaac who was sitting on my mother's lap.
"Pway with Ez?" Isaac asked, giving his mother his best puppy-dog eyes. To which we all laughed.
"Yes, baby," Bella agreed. "You can go play with Carlisle and Esme."
The level of happiness that was radiating in just the one little room was almost overwhelming. As the three of them joined in a group hug, I couldn't help but feel a great sense of hope consume my heart. It finally felt as though there was light at the end of the dark tunnel for Bella.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Rescue Me~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To no one's surprise, Bella nailed her interview with the Family Urgent Care center and within two weeks she was scheduled for her first shift. To say, however, that trying to get Bella to leave Isaac that first morning was like pulling teeth, would be an understatement. Even though she was scheduled at seven-thirty in the morning, she pulled Isaac from a deep sleep just so she could hold him and hug him all the way to the car. She didn't hand him off to Esme until I started the car. Throughout the rest of the day, my mother told me Bella would call every half-hour to check in on him. She would ask to speak to him and double (or sometimes triple) check to make sure she had everything he needed.
While my mother expressed some frustration with Bella's non-stop calling, she also understood. This was all extremely new to Bella. Something that would require time and multiple baby steps.
However, over the next several days, Bella's intensity began to simmer some. She wasn't as resistant to passing off Isaac to Esme in the morning and began to limit her number of calls to Esme.
As the weeks began to pass, we came into a daily routine. Every morning, Bella and I would leave for work around seven in the morning and my mother would arrive shortly before we would leave. I would then drop Bella off at the center and then head over to the hospital. Once Isaac was awake, mom would then take him to her house and they, along with my father, would spend the day together. Once I finished my shift, I would pick Bella up from and we'd swing over to pick up Isaac from my parents' then head home. Since mom and dad usually fed him dinner beforehand, Isaac would be ready for bed by the time we got there. Every night he would usually get his bath, either by me or Bella, then be in bed not long after. This left Bella and me quite a few nights of enjoyable dinners together. Bella was really enjoying her new position. According to her, Emily was a wonderful boss and the two of them got along splendidly. Emily is a single mom herself and has a two-year-old daughter, Quinlyn, which is probably why the two of them got along so well. However, unlike Bella's case, Emily had a wonderful partner, but he was taken from her. Her boyfriend, Quill, died in a car accident, just three weeks after they found they were expecting. After the baby was born, Emily had to find the strength to not only care for herself but her little girl as well. Eventually, she was able to find her path and now she is doing really well and little Quinlynn is thriving. When Bella told me this story I could see the look of almost optimism and strength; She wanted to be able to accomplish the same things as Emily did for her child.
'You already have, sweetheart' I wanted to tell her.
More time passed and soon a whole two months had gone by since Bella started working again and overall things were really good. Following Leah's orders, Bella's wrist began to strengthen and eventually made a full recovery. She started to gain more friendships within the center and Emily was even so impressed by Bella's skills and dedication, she was going to give her a raise at the end of the three month trial period. Safe to say Bella was overjoyed by the news. Emily was able to pay Bella under the table without having to use her actual information and slowly she has been able to become more financially stable. With every payday, Bella had set aside a small portion to pay back Alice for all the gifts she had purchased for her and Isaac. Not that Alice would accept any of it; She all but threw the money back in my face when I tried to drop it off to her one night, as Bella requested. After that I held on to any money Bella gave me, ready to give it back to her when the time was right. The more money Bella began to accumulate, however, the more she started talking about her and Isaac eventually moving out.
"Maybe someplace close by the center," She had told me. "Something within walking distance."
All this talk about moving out was making me feel very uneasy. Of course, I wanted Bella to have a good life and I knew that, at some point, she and Isaac would leave. But I just wasn't ready for it to be so soon.
But I still held a brave face. If this is what Bella was really wanting to do, then I would support her in whatever decisions she made. No matter how much it grieved me.
While Bella was continuing to improve in many things and become more accomplished, there were still some things that she was struggling with.
It seemed like, at times, Bella's mindset was still back in Ohio. On the rare occasions when I would actually try and touch Bella; By either tapping her arm with my finger or even cupping my hand on her shoulder, she would slightly cringe away from me, as if to avoid my graze. If I ever saw her just sitting on the couch watching T.V or reading a book, her body would immediately straighten up and apologize to me before leaving the room and going to tackle another chore. Thinking I would be angry at her for enjoying her downtime. Another time, I had to go to work earlier than normal, so my mom took Bella to work that day and later dropped her and Isaac off at the house after her shift. When I got home later that evening, I saw Bella had passed out on the sofa, still in scrubs, while Isaac was watching some cartoon show. When I went over to gently nudge Bella awake, she began to stir. When her eyes were fully opened and she saw me standing there, she quickly jumped up in fear.
"I'm so sorry, Edward," She started to apologize as she stood up from the couch. "I only meant to close my eyes for a second. I'm so sorry. I'll get started on dinner right now, just give me one quick second," she then began to absentmindedly walk in the direction of the kitchen. I'm not even sure she knew where she fully was, she was still in shock. I then tried to stop her tracks, without actually touching her. Telling her that she was okay and I just wanted to wake her to let her know I was home.
"Are you mad at me?" She asked.
"Of course not," I answered her. "Why would I be?"
Bella didn't answer. I knew though, that whatever the answer was would only bring up some horrible memories for her, so I just left it.
It all came to head one night. Bella and I both got off work early on Thursday nights, so we used that time to have our "roommate dinners". Bella's words, not mine.
On one of these particular nights, after dinner was finished, we started bringing in the dishes from the dining room, as we had started using it more often for its intended use when Isaac decided to help us. The ever so helpful child decided to carry over his half-full cup of milk and walk directly behind Bella. When she went to turn, unaware Isaac was just at her legs, she stumbled a bit, causing the plate in hand to fall. The dish shattered and the leftover dinner went all over the floor. Isaac was so shocked by the shattering sound that he dropped his own plastic red cup onto the floor as well. The milk splattered in every direction of the kitchen, including all over my pants. Bella automatically dropped to her knees and held her hands out in front of me.
"I'm so sorry, Edward," Bella sputtered. "It was my fault, not Isaac's. Please, don't touch him, please. I will clean this up right now. Just please, please don't be mad at him. I'm the one who did it." Bella started to try to clean up the broken ceramic and food with one hand while trying to protect Isaac with the other; Holding it up and waiting to shield him from me. I brought myself down to the floor to meet Bella's level. I took her hand in mine, trying to get her to let go of the sharp shards in her hand. I turned to look up at Isaac, who was just staring at the two of us on the ground.
"Isaac, why don't you go see what Maggie is up to," I suggested to him.
Once Isaac left the room and the two of us were alone I tenderly met Bella's other hand and brought it down, holding them both in mine.
"Bella, it's alright," I tried to comfort her. "Accidents happen."
"Please don't patronize me," She told me. "I know you're mad."
"I'm not," I countered.
"Yes you are," she argued, this time in tears. "Just please don't take it out on him. If you're wanting to punish, it should be me."
"Bella I would never-" I stopped mid-sentence. Seeing the fear embedded into her features and the salt of her tears leaving streaks against her cheeks, I knew that Bella wasn't currently with me right now. She's somewhere in her past...with him.
Which made me think.
"Bella?" I asked her. "Did James ever hit Isaac?"
She stared at the floor for a while before looking up in my direction. Her expression gave nothing away, which only made me feel more uneasy. I don't know what I would say or do if the answer was what I feared.
"No," She finally answered. "He threatened to a few times. When he was angry at me and he saw that I wasn't recoiling, he would start taking steps to Isaac, just to see me flinch. He knew that hurting me with my son would be far more damaging than smacking me around."
With her hands still in mine, I stood Bella up from the floor, the dinner mess being brushed aside for the time being and the two of us took a seat in the living room.
"Did Isaac ever see James hit you?" Still holding her hands.
"God, I hope not," She told me. "James liked to do more of his severe beatings away from peering eyes and if we ever started getting into a heated argument, I was sure to put Isaac in another room before things escalated.
My God.
"Bella, you are carrying so much weight and trauma from your past. Don't you think it's time to deal with them," I suggest.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"I mean," I started to say as I sat up. "Maybe you should consider talking to someone about this. A professional."
Another pregnant pause hung in the room.
"There's no need for that," she finally told me. "Besides, I think I'm doing a lot better than the frightened little mouse of a woman you met in that hospital bed."
"I'm not debating that, Bella," I explained. "You are definitely doing so much better...physically. But mentally, sometimes it seems like you're ready to crawl out of your skin. Like you're expecting James to bust through that door at any minute."
She averted her eyes from me again, but I quickly took a page from my mother's book and placed my finger under her chin. Lifting it towards me for her to look at me again.
"Bella," I stated. "You went through six years of pure Hell. Not to mention a horrific near-death experience and now you're currently hiding from your psycho of an ex while trying to provide for your son. That is too much for anyone to handle."
Bella tried to ignore me, but I just continued. "I know there's a lot that you've been through. And probably a whole lot you haven't told me. I know you may not want to share everything with me, but you should share it with someone."
Bella again stayed quiet.
"Please Bella," I begged her. "I would hate to have another night like this. One where you fear for your son's or your own safety just because of a simple accident."
I gave a deep inhale before speaking again.
"You left your life behind to find safety and security in another. How can you have either if you can't first confront your past?"
Neither one of us spoke for a long time. In the back of my head, I was worried about Isaac coming in and interrupting us before I can get an answer from Bella.
At last, Bella broke the silence.
"Okay," She said. "I'll talk to someone."
The response literally sent my heart into a full sprint. All I wanted to do at that moment was wrap Bella in my arms and hold her tightly with everything I had. Unfortunately, all I could do was tilt my head in acknowledgment and give her hands a firm squeeze.
"Thank you, Bella," I told her. And with that, we stood up and headed back into the kitchen, where the mess was still waiting for us. When the broken dish was picked up and the milk and food had been mopped up, we then headed upstairs to join Isaac. We both ended up giving him a bath that night and we both tucked him in as well. Once the blonde hair boy was tucked into his little bed, sleeping soundly, I knew it was time to take my leave. I said good night to Bella and the two of us made our way to our own individual beds.
As I layed in my bed that night, the feeling of hope consumed me again. For Bella and her future. We have spent weeks trying to heal her, physically. Now it was time for her to heal mentally.
And she can become the strong, independent, courageous woman I know she is.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I thank you all for your patience and I look forward to continuing this story. Let me know your thoughts and opinions.
Domestic Abuse is never okay. If you or someone you love is involved in an abusive relationship, please seek help:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233
TTY: 1-800-787-3224
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