Woot! Finally updated this chapter. I only have this one and chapter seven then I can go on to writing the next chapter! I'm not sure how I want Jasper's relationship with Lily to progress quite yet, but I am hopeful to integrate it into Eclipse. Please let me know what you think; I love reading constructive criticism!

I don't own Twilight- only my OC's

Chapter 6

A week went by where we all just fell into a routine of staying busy. Uncle Charlie was out more than he was in due to reports of giant wild bears, Bella was studying and going down to the reservation to hang out with Jacob, and rarely I would join them when I wasn't making jewelry or checking in with my life in New York. Truthfully though, I didn't like how oblivious Bella was to Jacob's crush and it was so painfully awkward to witness for me. He also had this creepy obsession with some guy named Sam Uley- that he got a bad vibe from him and the guy somehow stole his friends? I tried to stay out of that since I don't know any of them.

Sam did weird me out as well though. His eyes would always bore into mine and I received many glares. It wasn't like he was trying to scare me or figure me out either- more like he was just angry that I was there. It was more uncomfortable than intimidating. His energy seemed off somehow, but I couldn't place it. Though crazier still is the last time I hung out with Jacob I swear that I had felt a low hum of the same energy. Something about the whole thing had me worried for my cousin.

Bella came home one evening in an excited rush with a new injury to match. Only I knew about the motorcycles- so naturally putting two and two together wasn't a challenge.

"Soo…. Apart from the obvious, am I to assume you had fun and should Uncle Charlie ask I know nothing other than you more than likely tripped on your own feet again?" I mused from my room as I caught her in the door frame. She nodded sheepishly and proceeded to explain how she got it.

"Lily, I know I sound insane, but I SAW him again. He was an apparition or something, but he was there. It's like every time I do something dangerous, Edward is standing right there telling me no. Even worse, I keep doing them just to see him again. I swear to God or whatever is out there that I'm losing it!" Bella sighed as she flopped onto my bed next to me, and I could tell she was waiting for some type of response.

"If you want me to tell you that you're crazy and imagining it I can, but frankly this is normal. The brain is a powerful thing, dear cousin, and it has its own ways of dealing with trauma. Maybe your inner voice took on his voice and form because you cared that much for him. It was like that for me with Keith, even months after he fell off the face of the planet. Granted, my situation is a tad different but still." I shrugged lightly.

"Who's Keith?" Bella's eyes filled with morbid curiosity and it was my turn to sigh heavily.

"An ex. We didn't exactly part on the best of terms. He chose harming himself over loving me. It drug us both down and was pretty toxic. I couldn't even tell you if he's even still alive. It got…. Violent towards the end. I lost a baby because of it. Nearly died a few times too. Uncle Brian was kind enough to help me get out of it before things reached that point though." I paused, smiling wryly as emotions took hold of me.

"Wait, what?" I continued with my point.

"But long story short is even when things were over I was so used to his voice and missed him that I would see him no matter where I looked. I would hear him tell me things. Not just anything, but exactly what and how he would say them. My friends thought I was nuts. Eventually, it started getting fuzzier and happened less often. The less familiar he became to me, the more my mind went back to using my inner voice. Doesn't make you crazy, it just means there's still a part of you that needs to heal." Bella was quiet for a moment before hugging me.

"I'm sorry you went through that. It must have been hard. But you are right- our situation is different. Edward wasn't abusive. I know you've probably heard about how he left and the thing awhile back in regards to me running away to Arizona, but it isn't what you think. There were circumstances no one could understand and it isn't my secret to share." She pulled back and stared at me both hard and pleading, like she really wanted me to believe this Edward wasn't a bad guy.

"I can respect that Bella. Everyone has their secrets and when it comes to someone you love, you will defend and protect them until the end, even if they go about things the wrong way. Sometimes people are unintentionally cruel and at some point we have all been toxic to someone. While I haven't heard good things about this guy, I personally haven't met him, so I have no right to judge him for anything other than what I would see for myself. You don't have to try to convince me of anything. I just know that he hurt you and it's driving you mad, so for the moment, I was hoping that sharing my experience would help you in a way. At let so that you know that you aren't alone and it's actually normal to go through what you described." I squeezed her hand lightly and smiled. I could tell she didn't want to talk about this right now, based on the silence and far away look she wore now.

"So- change of subject: How are things with Jacob apart from the dare devil stunts?"

"What do you mean?" Bella shifted nervously; making me think she understood what I was getting at but didn't want to delve into it.

"He has a massive crush on you- the question is are you that oblivious or just don't want to date him?"

"Honestly Lily- no. I'm not ready for that yet, even though he wants it. I know that if I tell him that though, he won't want to hang out anymore. I know it's selfish and cruel but I don't want to lose him. And I do care about him, just not in the same way. Edward is still the only one I want that with. If he were to come back today, I'd welcome him with open arms. If I can't have him, I will most likely never be with anyone." With that, we got quiet again. She left shortly after to finish homework.

I was struck with a conflicting emotion and had a strange sense of deja vu, but I couldn't place it. I didn't dwell too much on anything for awhile until Bella came home a few days later clearly upset after her movie outing with a guy from school and Jacob. Luckily Uncle Charlie was still working late- since there had been sightings of large bears and missing people, he had been putting in longer hours at work.

"What happened? And don't you dare say nothing. It's written on your face."

She looked at me dejectedly and mumbled "Guess."

"Mike thought it was a date as did Jacob and it was a testosterone filled battle for your hand and both got upset. You then noticed that you had to make a choice if you want to keep Jacob in your life because it's manipulative and cruel to lead him on. It was possibly voiced aloud and while you admitted you had slight feelings for him as well, he still got pissy because it wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear. I have more theories, but let me know how my main holds up first."

"That… is actually scary how you do that sometimes. It's like you were there with us. There's more though. He also was burning up and acting SO weird. But he ruined everything. Why couldn't he have been content with friendship? I'm not built for anyone. And now I just feel so scared. I have this awful feeling that he's just going to cut me off. I can't explain it. But I know I lost him and nothing I say or do would fix it because the only thing that might isn't something I'm capable of doing!" Bella was crying now. I haven't seen my cousin show this type of emotion in this extreme of a fashion since I have known her.

"Hey, Bella- breathe. Focus on me. Once you've calmed down, start again. You're beginning to hyperventilate. I'm sure he's just being a teenage boy and all will work itself out." It took a minute to calm my cousin down, but she eventually relented that I may be right and he could just be genuinely sick like he said.

Somehow, Jacob stayed 'sick' for awhile, and my cousin was slipping back into a few habits that I didn't like to see. It got to the point she stopped washing her hair or changing clothes again and it grew harder to convince Bella to do anything to take care of herself. Nothing Uncle Charlie said or did would work and I wasn't able to get through like I had before. He wanted to send her to Jacksonville again, but I told him the gist of what was going on and how I felt that sending her away would do more harm than good.

I was so angry with Jacob though. This kid literally ghosted her the day after saying he wouldn't ever hurt her like that. Literally, within about twenty four hours of saying it! I made up my mind to have it out with him and figure out what was going on for myself and let Bella know I would be back soon. She looked confused and asked about our hike. I assured her that it was a quick errand, and that we would go as soon as I got back.

I drove to La Push faster than I should've with the roads being wet, but it wasn't something that could always be helped when I get a hot head. On my way there, I got stopped by this huge black wolf that came literally out of nowhere. I could have sworn it was chasing something but couldn't be sure. This was when I regretted my speed. My car did a 360 a few times and I narrowly missed the animal. How I didn't wreck I will never know, however, it did occur to me that I had made it to La Push relatively unscathed. Shaken, I turned off my car and walked out to the side of the road to catch my breath. Sensing someone approach me, I stiffened and spun around swiftly, only to find Sam Uley walking close to me.

"Good; you're okay. I saw your car spin out on my way back home. Once you're well, you should head back home."

"Thanks for the concern, but I won't be leaving until I check to see what's up with Jacob."

"He is no longer a concern of yours or your cousin's." Sam glared at me hard and I lost my cool.

"What the fuck does that mean? And who exactly are you to tell me this? Last I knew you weren't his keeper."

"It means exactly what it says. Pass it along. Neither of you are welcome here- especially you. Now please don't make me repeat myself. I won't be as kind the next time."

"Hold up! If Jacob doesn't want to see my cousin again he should tell her himself, not pull a stunt like a child. I find it VERY hard to believe that this is the case, despite him being prone to immaturity. Secondly, I don't know where you get off thinking you can somehow ban me from a town that you don't own."

"Fine, don't heed my warning. That will be on you. But I promise, you aren't welcome here. Simply put. I am surprised you haven't noticed for yourself, but that just means you have much to learn. And your cousin is a threat to us all. You're smart- you know the reality that lies within isn't always what meets the eye. Remember that." He turned away and I headed to my car.

Conceding defeat for now given the energy this man was radiating, I glared hard at him and vowed to find out what he meant and what secrets he was desperately trying to conceal as I drove (carefully) home to hike with Bella.