Author's Note: The last thing I wanted was for you guys to hate Beca...but it can't be helped she's a bitch these days, but she has her reasons which I hope to reveal in the next few chaps...

So yes this took longer to post than I had anticipated...I always seem to be at the stage of putting my final touches and then I do something like press backspace and then there goes all my unsaved work...and so I kinda cried bitter tears over my laptop before I got it together and started all over again convincing myself that I would make it even better than the last draft.

Forgive the gibberish...most of it's un-beta'd.


The instructions were clear, well, as clear as they could be coming from someone like Doctor Gail.

Basically you were instructed to take it easy, to avoid getting stressed...that meant pushing aside your many many qualms, that you had to stop dwelling on the possibility of you being eliminated and to go on like you still had a fighting chance...which you did technically, since you weren't out just yet.

And with that possibility, a jump in positivity...you decided to follow all specified instructions to a tee. You were specifically asked to not make any sounds for the whole period tomorrow meaning; No Whispering, talking, yelling, singing(definitely), and even the clearing of your throat was discouraged.

and you were definitely not allowed to have the following: No caffeine (coffee, tea,) No sweets, chocolate This was particularly difficult, but you could control it.

But some of the other things that you weren't allowed to do, or were instructed not to do, you had barely any control over...like coughing, crying, sneezing. (The latter two, you really had to practice extreme amount of self-control.)

You were verbally and vocally maimed(at least temporarily), and so in order to be able to communicate with people; you went around carrying this whiteboard with some markers. (It was a particularly tedious affair, especially when you had so much to say, and you really couldn't intone how you felt while you were writing it...) Something the rest of the contestants- Bumper especially-got a kick out off...taunting you the rest of the day while you sat out group rehearsals with the Sound Crew. The coaches and the Music Director weren't present, they didn't have to be for this final run through.

So here you were annoyed, worried, restless, and to add to that... really hungry. (In pereparation for the examination later, you weren't allowed to eat anything solid...which really didn't help putting you in a better mood.)

And so try as you might, your usual just-ignore-him tactics weren't quite working, with nothing to do or say-you couldn't quite block him out...

"Beale, hey hey Beale...If I had sounded as bad as you last night I'd also blame it on some imaginary sickness"

Your girls want to come to your defense but you had written out in all caps for them to IGNORE THE BRUTE...SO NOT WORTH IT.

"Are you on silent protest, if anything... it should be our ears doing the protesting..." he guffaws, you see Kori biting back her smile.

You were falling of the high horse, feeling yourself failing your own instruction, feeling yourself loose your cool, letting him ruffle your feathers especially when he takes to imitating you.

"The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me Do-oow awoooo. Man that was painful-"

Well you were lucky you still had full use of your other parts, all you needed was your middle finger-brandished rather enthusiastically- to get what you felt across to Bumper.

The action's successful, shutting him up immediately.

The others immediately crack up.

That was rather satisfactory, it was rather crass (totally unlike you) but seriously, it was either that or throw the whiteboard at him.

You were having violent thoughts so often as of late that it scared you...but the feeling, being deprived of something you kept so sacred, something that was a part of you, that made you what you were- who you are... the thought of your once in a lifetime chance at your dream being taken away, quite possibly forever...Well, that scared you more than anything...


The Results show opening group number goes by without a hitch,

Stacie starts,

Sing it out
Boy, you've got to see what tomorrow brings

Fat Amy's teammate Roy starts singing (the guy was known best by his identifiers; he had long lustrous hair and an awesome 'stache)

Sing it out
Girl, you've got to be what tomorrow needs

You climb on stage with the rest of them. You move around mouthing the words to the song, and there's no pressure as you no longer had a solo...Cynthia Rose had taken it for you.

The Coaches are relaxed in their chairs with nothing much to do except to take it all in-well except for Blake who would be performing with his team later...to watch the group performances, the guest performers

and to wait...

Luke sings,

For every time that

They want to count you out

Use your voice every single time
You open up your mouth

Then Amy, and Kori harmonize

Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls
Every time that you lose it, sing it for the world
Sing it from the heart, sing it 'til you're nuts
Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts

Sing it for the deaf, sing it for the blind
Sing about everyone that you left behind
Sing it for the world, sing it for the world

Then Bumper sings,

Sing it out Boy, they're gonna sell what tomorrow means

Then Donald,

Sing it out
Girl, before they kill what tomorrow brings

Then Courtney Lowe (16 year old, tall, blonde with green eyes) another one of Team Blake members, sings.

You've got to make a choice
If the music drowns you out
And raise your voice every single time
They try and shut your mouth

The rest of Team Adam sings

Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls
Every time that you lose it, sing it for the world
Sing it from the heart, sing it 'til you're nuts
Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts

Sing it for the deaf, sing it for the blind

Sing about everyone that you left behind
Sing it for the world, sing it for the world

Then Team Usher chants,

Cleaned up, corporation progress
Dying in the process
Children that can talk about it

Team Beca joins in,

Living on the webways

People moving sideways
Sell it 'til your last days
Buy yourself the motivation

This part was fun, everyone's rocking out, you could almost forget that right after there would be the final word that would put a stop to two of the artists The Voice run.

then Team Blake

Generation nothing
Nothing but a dead scene
Product of a white dream
I am not the singer that you wanted but a dancer

Lastly,Team Adam

I refuse to answer
Talk about the past and rooting for the ones
Who want to get away
Keep running

Then just the girls

Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls
Every time that you lose it, sing it for the world
Sing it from the heart, sing it 'til you're nuts
Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts

Then the boys

Sing it for the deaf, sing it for the blind
Sing about everyone that you left behind
Sing it for the world, sing it for the world

And in one joined voice, all of you sing the last few lines,

We've got to see what tomorrow brings
Sing it for the world, sing it for the world
Yeah, you got to be what tomorrow needs
Sing it for the world, sing it for the world.


Let's see how our country artists fare with a group number with their coach, Blake Shelton.

Singing DONE by The Band Perry...Roy Smith, Courtney Lowe and Fat Amy...

Roy goes first slapping his guitar in accompaniment, Blake backs him up,

You've been wearing that crown and tearing me down
It's been a while since you've treated me right
You strung me along for far too long cause I never gave up the fight
Until now

Blake takes over with vocals

It's gonna hit you hard 'til you see stars
It's gonna put you through a world of hurt
Oh, I don't believe in getting even but giving what you deserve
Oh my, oh my, huh.

Then Courtney,

Mama always told me that I should play nice
She didn't know you when she gave me that advice
I'm through with you
You're one bridge I'd like to burn
Bottle up the ashes, smash the urn
I'm through with you, la dee da

I don't wanna be your "just for fun",
Don't wanna be under your thumb
All I wanna be is done
Done

Then Amy goes in with a moon walk transitioning to a little body wave, before she grabs at the mic stand,

You crossed the line too many times,
I'm gonna put you in your place
You play with dynamite, don't be surprised
When I blow up in your face
Oh my, oh my, huh.

Then Blake joins in with Courtney for the chorus

Mama always told me that I should play nice
But she didn't know you when she gave me that advice
I'm through with you
You're one bridge I'd like to burn
Bottle up the ashes, smash the urn
I'm through with you, la dee da

I don't wanna be part of your fun,
Don't wanna be under your thumb
All I wanna be is done

(Done) with your selfish ways
(Done) and all the games you play
I'm through with you and everything you say

Ta!

Then Roy and Amy

Mama told me that I should play nice
She didn't know you when she gave me that advice

Mama always told me that I should play nice
But she didn't know you when she gave me that advice
I'm through with you
You're one bridge I'd like to burn
Scatter the ashes, smash the urn
I'm through with you, la dee da

Then all four of them

I don't wanna be your "just for fun",
Don't wanna be under your thumb
All I wanna be is done
All I wanna be is done

Ugh!

Hey, hey, hey , hey ooh,
I wanna be done (so done)
So done (so done)
So done


We have your results in from last night's performance...

One by one you hear the saved names. You breathe a sigh of relief when one after the other, your friends names are crossed off the list of being eliminated,

"Team Blake Shelton's Fat Ammyyyyy" roars, hoots from the audience.

"Cynthia Rose...for Team Beca..." strong steady applause,

"Luke Paxton...Donald...Bumper Allan all safe...and Team Usher survives to fight another round..." high-pitched screaming, mostly female.

"Kori Stevens...from Team Adam Levine..." Steady applause,

"Team Adam Levine standing strong here... that's all three of them"

"Just one more for Team Beca now that Stacie's in." hesitant claps, all of you are awaiting the final judgement...the final results for this week.

You had tried to be positive the entire day...disregarding the taunts, the negativity...the possible outing...but now here it is, it's actually happening-you were standing hand in hand with Courtney, and Roy...

"We have here a major upset for Team Blake with not one, but two of his warm, consistent country artists standing at risk of being eliminated...And we have strong, steadfast Chloe Beale who had one bad night...so who deserves to stay, who deserves the instant save from the public and who will be standing on this stage one final time."

Carson waits, giving time for the viewer's at home to start screaming their choices at the screen, for the studio audience to react appropriately...

Another pause, vacant silence before...

"Chloe Beale your time at the voice stage is done..." your breath hitches, your heart drops to your feet somehow it stops but you can feel it hammering, shaking your entire body.

You can't believe it...that was it...that was your last time performing on this stage...it was the end..

Carson continues smiling, you feel that urge to punch at something again...punching that smile off his face might do...but then he continues talking,

"-At least for today, you have been instantly saved by the most online Public votes...do you have anything to say to your fans who rallied behind you?"

Did that really happen?

Your feeling such an overwhelming rush of love and gratitude for the people out there who for some reason still believed in you. You feel the words bursting out, not ready to be contained any longer.

"Thanks...I know I sucked but thanks for your faith in me...I'm really-I'm trying to get better for you guys...thanks for sticking behind me." you say, breaking your code of silence, your voice coming out hoarse and tight. Whew, get a hold of yourself Beale, No crying.

"That was our very emotional Chloe Beale who's extremely grateful that she got in, but we still have to say goodbye to our two, extremely lovable artists, Courtney and Roy. Please give them a round of applause please."

You join the crowd, cheering them on harder than anyone, ignoring the twinge of pain as you do so.

The two of them talk into the mic giving their parting words; thanking their families-the support of their fans, promising that it wouldn't be the last you saw of them...

/

Offstage you exchange words of luck, parting hugs with each other. Roy advices you to "Keep staying strong, and to kick Bumper Allan in his parts to knock some sense into him..."

Courtney accepts your well wishes gratefully, whispering that she believed that you could be the one to win.


"What did I say about talking or specifically not talking...?" Doctor Gail asks, stern and demanding. They're her first words to you when you check in for your second appointment.

"But-" her hands scramble to cover your mouth, to force the words back in, "No-NO...shush..." her eyes crazy,

Then her whole face smoothens back to being reassuring, doctorly.

"...rest...use the board...draw something if you have to..."

You do manage, after some level of difficulty to explain what had happened...

"Yeah, yeah I get it...I was watching too...you just had to thank your fans... Okay, let's get down to it open wide..."

"I explained the finer details of this yesterday but I am required by law or by that dumb oath to explain it in detail...so I will have to liken your comprehension skills to that of a mentally handicapped child-"

That's very rude and offensive... you write out,

" For the child or for you... Let's make a deal here. You can say-or write- what you want to me, and I'll do the same is that okay...I'm trying to establish basic trust and openness in our relationship."

She takes your inaction as a yes and she proceeds with briefing you.

"Okay, okay...the first part of this exam we call it the flexible laryngoscope or the "soft scope" which consists of the flexible fiber optic camera that I was telling you about, so I will insert it just there in order to examine them cords of yours. The scope will be inserted through your nose, which I will suction first to clear the gunk trapped in your nasal cavities-we don't want your boogers getting in the way-Also, I'm going to put some medication inside your nose so it'll dilate the nasal passage for a better view of the airway..."

Camera, you're going to video it? Will I get a copy, and wait what will I do with it? Who do I show it to?

"I don't know maybe... Beca." she says, looking like she wasn't so sure that you weren't actually a mentally handicapped adult, "You can do whatever you want with it, post in on you tube if you want to."

"How's your gag reflex?"

Okay I guess. That's a weird question...

She pushes on.

"Are you prone to nosebleeds?" You shake your head,

"'Cos I have to state it as a possibility...cover all situations" You nod in understanding,

"So let's start..."

From here on out, your life-your throat-was in her hands. You sit back watching as the Doctor Gail, (acting and looking more professional now, thankfully) moves confidently as she goes through the motions, the preparations.

Her hands move surely, siphoning out your gunk with this tiny suction catheter, then swabbing some foul smelling medicine up your nose...and later slowly, gently you see and feel her inserting the scope.

So yes it was mildly uncomfortable...you could assume this...well, having anything long and thin up your nose and down your throat could make it so.

Then a few moments after...

"Okay I'll try to sound serious here, because this is a serious matter.." she says, then chants to herself "cold, clinical detached..." over and over again.

Go on then... you write, then disregard your whiteboard completely "I'm waiting. Go ahead" you push, impatiently.

At first she looks like she wants to protest, but she lets it go and lets you talk.

"Do you want the bad news or the good news..." she doesn't wait for your reply, her voice for once losing that teasing edge-truly serious and grave "yeah let's just rip it off like a band aid...Bad news it is..."

"Hey wait- I didn't agree to anything yet..."

"But C'mon...take it...don't be a pussy on me now."

"NO I insist on hearing the good news first."

"Do you know what Vocal Polyps are..." she asks.

Isn't that the...No-nothing. Isn't that something with tentacles or something. You muse to yourself, before you mutter 'No...sorry'

"Okay. It's really bad. Well, the good news...is that you don't have those the bad news is that you have vocal nodules."

She presents some reading materials so you could familiarize yourself with the condition...

Polyps can take a number of forms. They are sometimes caused by vocal abuse. Polyps appear on either one or both of the vocal cords.

They appear as a swelling or bump (like a nodule), a stalk-like growth, or a blister-like lesion. Most polyps are larger than nodules and may be called by other names, such as polypoid degeneration or Reinke's edema. The best way to think about the difference between nodules and polyps is to think of a nodule as a callous and a polyp as a blister.

Vocal cord nodules are benign (noncancerous) growths on both vocal cords that are caused by vocal abuse. Over time, repeated abuse of the vocal cords results in soft, swollen spots on each vocal cord. These spots develop into harder, callous-like growths called nodules. The nodules will become larger and stiffer the longer the vocal abuse continues.

"Yours is pretty bad. You really did a number on them it's all raw from all that singing in that high range that's out of your comfort one, from forcing them...and from your unhealthy habits." you interrupt her, throwing down the sheets of paper.

"Wait that's still Bad news, you can't give me bad news wrapped up in good news..." she picks up the papers unperturbed, she points at a part you hadn't read...

Nodules and polyps may be treated medically, surgically, and/or behaviorally. Surgical intervention involves removing the nodule or polyp from the vocal cord. This approach only occurs when the nodules or polyps are very large or have existed for a long time. Surgery is rare for children. Medical problems may be treated to reduce their impact on the vocal cords. This includes treatment for gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), allergies, and thyroid problems. Medical intervention to stop smoking or to control stress is sometimes needed.

"The real good news is yours can be fixed...it's not too late...we can have vocal therapy...but there's a catch... I don't think it's advisable for you to stay in the competition Chloe...the stress...the environment it won't help you recover..."

Many people receive behavioral intervention, or voice therapy, from an SLP. Voice therapy involves teaching good vocal hygiene, reducing/stopping vocal abusive behaviors, and direct voice treatment to alter pitch, loudness, or breath support for good voicing. Stress reduction techniques and relaxation exercises are often taught as well.

"But this may be my last chance, my only chance..."

"Do you really want it to get so bad that we have no choice but to resort to surgery?"

You feel yourself taking in very short breaths-almost like your hyperventilating...the information slipping in and out...You had no idea it could get this bad. You didn't want to leave but you didn't want to loose your voice.

"You want to stick it out, I'll respect your decision...I'm just trying to warn you about what might happen...It's your choice- I promise to help you either way."

She waits for you to calm down before she asks,

"So what do you want to do?" her voice soft and sympathetic.

"I have to tell Beca..."

"You don't have to wait, she's standing right outside..."


"Hey I've been looking everywhere for you...I remembered the appointment-well no, actually... I forgot about it at first, but then as soon as I remembered I tried to get away as soon as I could-so how was it the appointment?" Beca rambles, still unworried and calm, jubilant, happy...She supposes you should be as well...you did just make Top 10.

"I'll, uh-give you guys some privacy." Doctor Gail says before leaving the hall. Beca looks at you, a question posed on her tongue,

"Chloe?" her face turns tentative, she sees everything now so clear on your face. One look, that's all she needs to know that something's wrong.

Her hand twitches, hesitating...Can she see how everything you were so sure of at least in terms of your abilities, your place in this competition is now uncertain. Everything is unsteady-toppling ready to fall, so close to falling to bits, so close to falling to shit.

"She said I have vocal nodules. She said it's not so severe, but if worse comes to worse they'll need to operate."
You are wrecked, inconsolable. This could mean the end of everything all your dreams.

"Oh Chloe."

Beca looks conflicted, but she pulls your body into hers, tucking your face into her neck, knowing that words aren't enough to comfort you right now.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you should be jubilant- this is the first time out of your whole friendship that Beca has willingly and unrestrainedly initiated physical contact. In the beginning, there are some personal boundaries some way of acting that you can't really do when acting on a professional level, but you're a naturally touchy person to begin with and that's like going against your nature, so you always find yourself hugging, touching Beca without quite meaning to or without realizing it.
Who after one wry comment that- the term personal space doesn't really apply to you huh? - doesn't really mind it anymore.

But nothing registers. You could be losing everything, all from a surgery.

Your shoulders are shaking, wracked with the sobs your holding in. You can't quite get words out anymore... You haven't felt such a lost this deep, this real, this hard since your grandfather died.

Your practically dry-heaving when the damn you'd been holding up for so long finally breaks. The tears flow uninhibited.

Beca all the while is shushing you, pulling you even closer.

When you start to feel something really soft and warm, you feel her lips, which had been whispering consoling words into your ear traveling across the width of your face. From your eyelids, to your cheeks, your nose-You stop when it registers. You both stop and stare at each other, her eyes have also teared up but that's not what strikes you. You see something reflecting back at you there. Something almost like want. You know it's not in your head this time...this time she goes for the kill...your noses are touching. Your breathing speeds up when her eyes glance lower at your lips and then licks her own.

Oh my god.

Your trying not to blink it away. No way this could be happening. You were crying your heart out and now this... You want to say something, anything but even Beca seems to be frozen at the moment, her eyes locking with yours and then shifting back to your lips. She then moves impossibly closer you can see how moist how wet, her lips are...She lifts her hand to cup your cheek, her hot breath on your lips.

Your heart rate's picking up, your eyes fall close, everything is happening so fast. Your head, everything round you is spinning and Beca's the only thing holding you steady. You have a feeling, that you are finally going to find out what Beca Mitchell's kisses taste like.

You think one more moment and you would've known. That is until Bumper and his goons burst in and then Beca jumps away from you like she was struck by live wire.

"What do we have here?" He wouldn't dare comment about anything else, but Bumper's eyes are sparkling with mischief.

You are too stumped by everything that almost happened that Beca does the talking. Her eyes are jumpy, her voice uncharacteristically high.

"Allan, Chloe's had some bad news so I suggest you lay off-of her alright?"

"Yeah yeah of course we will...wouldn't want to get her panties in a twist, oh wait...we don't really do that for her, do we? Isn't she all vagitarian? Bumper says, sneering.

Beca immediately jumps to your defense,

"It isn't any of your business what she's into...and seeing the available selection of meat-none of you cut it. How can we say this-your lacking in the most important parts..."

"What about you coach what's your preference these days?" Donald says, after Bumper nudges him. Beca's face turns ashen.

"Asshole leave her out of this...Have some respect for once." you bark. Beca thugs at your arms. You aren't sure if it's to hold you back or to remind you that you aren't supposed to be pushing your voice.

"Oh how cute, girlfriends protecting each other." You are not sure Luke meant it in a malicious way, but for Beca apparently that was the last straw-she flips.

"I have had it with the three of you especially you Bumper, Didn't your coach ever teach you to Mind your own fucking business...JUST LEAVE US ALONE! Now I have been letting this pass for far too long-I'll have a word with him and your behavior...Better idea let's go see him right now." She all but marches them out,

"Beca." you weakly call after her,

She doesn't even look back seeming to have forgotten about you.


You watched a recent interview with Beca. She had guested in one of the Late Night shows, she talked about her working tirelessly on some ideas for her upcoming Album (It's still in the works but I have a pretty clear idea where I want it to go.) and answered questions about Jesse (The most loyal person anyone could ask for) and inevitably the Voice coaching experience. (It's not as easy as it looks, that's for sure...but I enjoy working with the contestants.)

The interviewer makes a quip, "especially the red-head ey?" You see Beca tense over, (it's quite subtle, only a perceptive observer would detect it)it's in the twist of her mouth, the flash in her eyes. But her smile doesn't let up.

"Yeah she is one of many very talented artists in the show. It's really difficult this season, they keep getting better and better-but it's always fun to work with such dedicated, hard-working individuals."

"So your relationship with your other contestants it's fairly the same?"

"I try to cater to their needs... I can be their coach when they need me to be and their friend and confidant outside of the competition."

"Has it ever happened...that the relationships on set could bloom into something more outside the competition?"

"In our show? Well...looking at it from an outside perspective it could happen. I'm sure it has happened before, the contestants the staff, everyone-I think in general...in any television reality competition show go through a lot together-it's a very closed environment we all establish strong bonds with the people involved, a lot could go down..."

"Yes a lot has gone down for you behind the scenes, hasn't it?"

"You could say that..." her tone clearly wanting to move away from said topic. She softens it by offering a small smile,

"I'm lucky I have family on the crew with me at all times to keep me...grounded reminding me who I have to be."


What did you do wrong? This wasn't even your fault.

For days after the incident Beca has gone on not quite ignoring you-what's new? She tended to do that.

Apparently, she had problems of her own.

She's irritable and edgy during practice and when she's not she's quiet, withdrawing into herself...Maybe it was because she had other things preoccupying her thoughts at the moment,

She hasn't been having the most peaceful-stable week either with Jesse leaving, and running into little arguments with Usher over the boys, as well as with some of the staff, and most recently getting into a great big argument with her Father.


You are left weak, lonely and left wondering, the only positive side to your week is that Aubrey's finally back. You never got to make time to go back home (even though you really wanted to especially after everything that happened).

The first thing you do, as soon as you hear the lock turning is run into her arms.

You bask in her full embrace..into the arms of someone who wasn't afraid, who didn't care how long she held you, who didn't care what others would think of her for it. She holds you tight patting your back,

Aubrey knows everything, she may not quite understand it all, but at least she was here for you now when you needed her.

"You wanna talk about it?" Shake head.

"Do you want me to kick her ass?" Shake head,

"What do you want me to do?"

"Don't leave me again."

/

Minutes later the two of you are cuddling, face to face on the bed this time, she's filling you in on the holidays at home. She's talking about what went down after she had gone over to watch the Live Rounds at your place.

"So I kinda tackled Janet after she remarked that you wouldn't be lasting much longer in the competition. She was on the other side of the room, seated on the La-Z-boy but I kinda leaped over everyone and landed on her-overturning the chair." she says

You start laughing the image was priceless...

"I couldn't help it, I was so tense and nervous for your sake and then she wouldn't close her big fat mouth and I lost it..."Aubrey's trying to keep a straight face, but you know she doesn't regret it at all

"Wow I'm glad I missed that...What did the rest of the family do?"

"Yeah they let us wrestle it out, I think they all wanted to shut her up. I was the only one with the guts to actually do something."

"I'm sure they had wagers who would win..."

The two of you are on a roll, on a laughing fit.

"No they knew who would win, they just sat back and enjoyed it while it was happening."

"Did you apologize after?"

"What do you take me for, a Posen never apologizes especially when the opponent totally deserved it..."

You quirk your brow not taking her seriously.

"Well, I did but only because your grandparents made me...I have a feeling they were doing it just to set an example. I could've sworn that your Grandma Spencer winked at me afterwards."

"You think you've had it bad...Well I used to think my cousin was the worst but lemme tell you the people in the competition can give her a run for her money. Most of them are all blood-crazed-head-fucking asses."

"Yeah..." Aubrey says sobering up a bit, her laughter slowing. She sits up while you remain lying down.

"There's Bumper-freaking-Allan who I'm sure even his own mother can't stand. There's Kori who did a complete one-eighty, and then there's Beca who can't even figure out what she wants from me...It's pathetic...they're all pathetic, she's-they're all crazy."

You're still laughing hard to the point that your sides ache, that you feel a tear spilling over one eye.

You look at Aubrey and her eyes are soft,

"As much as I missed you, we both know who you really want, no need- to be talking this over with." you lower your eyes,

"She won't talk to me, she won't even openly acknowledge anything...she keeps doing this..." you say.

"Then confront her, stop letting her do this to you. Where's the Chloe Beale I knew who demanded things out of people, who didn't question her motives for doing things, who did things just because. The one who trusted in herself, who could take a stand. Who didn't let people crap on her."

"I dunno.." she pulls you to sit up,

"Let me tell you where she is, she's in there...underneath all of that mush Beca Mitchell turned you into. Look, I want you to suck it up Chloe, stand up straight-" she then gently pushes you with her leg to get out of bed, "and march over to Beca and demand that she explain herself..."

"But Aubrey...I don't feel like going in today, I'll call in sick or something." you whine. Her face doesn't give, only hardens...

"Chloe don't make me kick your ass all the way to the Studios."


So you do go, even though you'd rather curl up in Bed and be all mopey.

But Aubrey won't allow this defeated, down trodden version of you in the house any longer...She all but kicks you out with a cheery, "Have fun today!" her way of saying just get it over with today.

You go to visit Doctor Gail, and she's got Anna with her who Beca kept on the show to work on your vocal therapy.

Beca was supposed to go with you to your consultation today. Kimmy Jin's the one who tells you (when you do get through to Beca's number) that she's preoccupied with something at the moment.

/

So you thought the whole actual soft scope testing was weird, it was actually weirder watching the video it took. The three of you Anna, Gail and yourself sat down in front of this gigantic screen (it was almost like a movie, Beca wouldn't enjoy it even if she were here...Gah stop thinking about Beca dammit) reviewing the video all slowed-down to take note of all your bad habits, pointing out the spaces for you to improve on.

Dr. Gail had insisted you come in for vocal therapy, or vocal rehab so you could work on it right away.

She advices you to set aside thirty minutes for these exercises everyday.

"Usually start with harder-consonant exercises, like 'gee' or 'gug,' as these help get the cords closed and strengthened," she says. Also stay away from breathy exercises..."

You were told at the last session (when Doctor Gail had come back after Beca left with Bumper) she relented that you could go back to speaking, all you had to do was practice moderation when it came to it...she left you with the quote "Don't say a single word for which you are not being paid." or in other words no more speaking other than when absolutely necessary.

Your relative voice rest involves a period between 4 and 7 days using your voice no more than 15 minutes in each 24 hour period.


So you saved your voice for conversations that were actually worth it. Like you would rather save it for talking with Stacie, Cynthia and Amy who would be coming over to your house later after practice rather than wasting your time, and your voice trying to instill some sense or decency into Bumper. (It would suck up all your energy just trying to penetrate his thick skull.)

But all your plans at relaxation (reserving your speaking voice for later) goes out the window when you see Beca, your coach who's supposedly too freaking preoccupied with her own problems, strolling aimlessly down the hall...walking towards you, then past you.

"Seriously why are you ignoring me? Don't tell me we're back to that now?" you speak softly, but your voice travels she looks up and her eyes are blank.

"Wait sorry did you say something?" she asks like what you said had gone over her head. Like she had been so out of it-involved in whatever it was that was plaguing her and her thoughts- that she hadn't even seen you.

"Where were you? Where have you been?" you ask and its a question addressing what happened just now and everything else.

How she was there-she was present but her mind always seemed to be somewhere else.

You take the time to observe her...and it's like you barely recognize her-to put it frankly, she looks like a mess. Not just her physical appearance; her eyes bloodshot, her hair unkept, clothes rumpled. But she looks so tired, like she'd been carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

She pauses, before she replies. Her eyes clear a bit, she seems to have gathered her thoughts before asking.

"What did the doctor say on your last check-up. That was yesterday right." She's still ignoring what happened? Fine, so can you.

You don't bother to correct her, everything seems to go past her...

"She said that there are both invasive, and non-invasive treatments we can look into before resorting to surgery." you say, your voice tight... you want to clear your throat but you can't, you can't even cough or do anything like raising your voice or speak monotonously...

It's freaking frustrating...and you really can't be feeling frustrated right now.

You take a little breath to calm yourself then several more breaths to steady yourself out.

She stops and looks you in the eye for the first time in over a week. "How are you really? What's on your mind?"

"I'm scared, like you know already. I get so depressed whenever my voice wavers, when I struggle over notes that I usually can sing without batting an eyelash-that I could do in my sleep. And worse I don't have my trusty mentor, my best friend isn't around so much anymore, disappearing off the face of the earth." you say in a normal tone, baring everything you'd been thinking and feeling.

"Aubrey flew out of the State again? I thought she just arrived."

"What, no…She's at home very busy on a case, but I-I meant you…"

She looks touched, almost overwhelmed her eyes burn into you for a moment, but then she lets out a sigh almost sounding like frustration.

"C'mon Chloe, I've got a lot on my plate...with writing, brainstorming creative ideas for my new album. It's taking a lot of my time, and I need to work with the others as well. People already think I'm showing you favouritism enough as it is."

"Is this because of what almost happened?" You're finally putting everything out in the open, addressing the proverbial elephant in the room.

Your daring from your own actual courage(that Aubrey seems to have ignited) and not because you have alcohol in your system.

She has this look you can't quite place, it's enough to make you back away, "I didn't-I didn't mean-" for you to feel the momentary burs of courage start to wane.

Along with all this events you can't help but be helpless. Your tone is wavering, giving you away Your on the verge of crying again.

Beca starts glancing around quickly before she pulls you into the closest room. Okay, it's more like a janitor's closet or something, but its pretty roomy. She find a switch, but little good it does. The room is filled with a dull yellow.

You feel safe in the semi-darkness, taking her in for as long as you want.

From the little that you can see from her face, she's conflicted. You feel her tension filling you with a nervous buzz. Something big was coming on, you can feel it. She can't stand still. She's pacing around in the little space that there is.

"What do you want from me Chloe?" Beca asks when she finally stops to look at you.

"I want you stop running away from me, I want you to share what's been bothering you I want you to be my friend and trust me, lean on me little."

You don't know how this became about her again, but you figure if you could get her to talk to you, to tell you what's going on her head maybe you could fix... whatever this is between the two of you...

"They're called personal problems for a reason, you have your own to worry about-it's not fair for me to put this on you as well."

Why does she keep doing this, Why does she get to decide.

"Just stop pushing me-people away. It hurts them when all they want to do is be there for you."

You needed to get it across to her, that you were there for her. That you could only get through this leaning on each other.

"Stop talking Chloe you might hurt yourself, don't hurt yourself now, or say something you'll regret later on."

"As much as you'd like to think it you can't do everything by yourself. You're not that strong, you need people around who care about you, and you need me."

She's rolling her eyes and it just spurs you on further. The angers there on your part, what did she say about how she used to test people, to push them to see who would stay, well you were getting tired of it. She's been pushing you for far too long. You could only take so much.

"Do you like it that you're so successful at keeping everyone away that no one sticks with you?" you say slow and harsh

"Look around, Beca, you have no family, your fiancée's never here. I'm all you have left."

Beca's face becomes pale and really angry, really fast. You don't even recognize her when she advances upon you. It takes everything in you to not run to not back away.

You feel cold, realizing too late that you've said exactly the wrong thing but you can't take it back now.

"You don't get to say that to me. Did you think I was some poor, sad celebrity…Oh she's so rich, she's famous, she's got everything; the whole world eating out of the palm of her hand, but she can't be content."

"I wasn't saying that!"

"No, you've said your piece now it's my turn to talk.

"I don't need a psychiatrist, I don't need people who think they can control me or my life or my choices…I do not need anyone. Not my father, not Jesse and most especially not you. I don't need you. I was- I've been fine before you, I'll be just as fine when you're gone." her voice hard, her gaze unwavering.

You actually start to back away, inching yourself away from her. Your trying to suppress the emotions of anger, hate and sadness threatening to come out. You suddenly feel so weak, you try to drown out everything else.

"Did you think you were that special, after this competition I'll forget you even exist!"

And then everything stops, you stop backing away, your breath's catches, it feels like your heart stills for a moment...

You've always thought this, some little insecurity you've held. But, hearing her, hearing Beca actually saying it cuts deeper than you imagined.

She's hurt you before-unknowingly- but now, she knew exactly what she was doing.

With how much you've shared, after all this time, this is what she really thinks. It takes as little as one whole sentence to erase everything that happened, everything shared between the two of you.

Your eyes are welling up fast and your mouth is doing that twitchy thing were you can't control the trembling and it's giving you away. You've always tried to show how tough you are to Beca, but now it doesn't matter.

She can see how weak you are, how weak you truly fear, how weak she's made you.

You can't be strong right now.

She winces, seeing your face. You can't even muster the strength to mask how you're truly feeling this very moment.

"Chloe, I'm sorry. I got mad…I didn't mean..."

Her own mask of anger-of everything else finally gives way, but you don't even have it in you to care any longer.

You shakily get off the ground, feeling everything breaking inside of you. Your hand reached for the door handle to leave, but Beca's warm hand covers yours.

"No, wait. I don't know why I said that. It's not true. I need you, you're my friend, my best friend."

She turns you around to face her.

"Chloe, please look at me."

You're twisting your face, your whole body trying to avoid her, her concerned probing eyes, glad for the thick red curls hiding your tears.

Everything hurts, your throat, your heart, and then when Beca finally holds you fast, your lips when her own finally cover yours.

They burn and its madness. She kisses you like she can't quite help herself, like she's been holding herself back all of this time.

The moon and the starts collide, the whole galaxy's alight.

There were many scenarios that you had in mind. The when and the where was always changing, you're your altar in now a janitor's closet and her declaration of love is actually as declaration of hate? but the kiss, her kiss it goes against everything she's been doing prior to this.

You finally know after years and years of wondering what Beca Mitchell's kiss feels, tastes like.

Her kisses are tender, hot and they burn; it's madness-mixed with a hint of anger, confusion and desperation…it's hard, sticky and wet. You can feel your tears flowing and your not alone, Beca's crying as well, her tears mixing with your own.

Her hands roam everywhere one grasping your nape pulling you closer, trying to get a response out of you you think.

You are too surprised, a bit shell-shocked to kiss her back-but then you do, pushing into her. Your kiss, your body fitting into the grooves of her own, pinning her against the wall. Your lips taking hers in, responding with a fervor, licking, breathing, biting, tasting her...It's all too much, you're thinking this is what a good kind of being electrocuted feels like. You're feeling everything, everywhere all at once.

Almost as quickly she pulls away. You're both breathing hard, your lips are tender, your whole body reeling.

And once again you, end up staring at each other in the room that, just a second ago was filled with raised voices-now it's a silence filled with all the words left unsaid

You're still smarting from what she said, but Beca had just kissed you, everything had just officially fallen to shit. You can't go back now.

You see a shift in her eyes, there's that look again. You recognize it now, it's fear. She's pulling away from you again you're not sure if you can handle her trying to get away from you a second time, especially after what just happened, it doesn't answer anything at all.

"Beca..." you croak out.

"I have to go." She leaves the room, running. You had wanted to get out of the room as fast as you can just a while ago, but now you sink to the floor, laying trembling fingers to your swollen lips, the only proof that the kiss had really happened.

"What does this mean?" You speak aloud in the room, waiting for answer that won't come.

Like you needed another unsure thing in your life. Everything's confusing. You're afraid of what tomorrow will bring- your content to just stay here.

Benji finds you still sitting there moments later. How he did, you're not exactly sure… He sits with you for a bit, talking about this and that. He finally coaxes you out of the closet and into one of the cars. He gets in as well and gives your address to the driver.


*peeks out from behind computer screen glances around cautiously and breathes a sigh of relief* please don't kill me, hit me back with your reactions (hopefully none to negative) No it's okay- yeah I like hearing what you guys think...

don't worry you don't have to wait too long Beca will be held accountable for her actions especially if Aubrey and the girls have anything to say about it.