4.1

"I'm a little white girl. I am not prepared to be a little white girl."

"Would you shut up already, bro?"

"Oh, get over yourself, Grue." Tattletale, or rather, Flechette, said as she casually hacked into Flechette's cell phone.

Imp grumbled sullenly, petulantly crossing her muscular, manly arms. She was apparently the only to keep her power after the body switch for some reason. But something was wrong. She couldn't turn it off. No one was listening to her, or looking at her. And Regent hadn't joined the body switch. Apparently, Queenie could create extremely complicated machines in only hours, but not perform basic math.

"Quit your arguing, my DASTARDLY TECHIES! For now, we will enact my terrible plan to destroy our not-wicked foe's good reputation and disintegrate the masses trust in those damnable Wards! MWAHAHAHA!" Queenie/Clockblocker said from the head of the group, strutting down the sidewalk as the rest of them followed her/him.

"And what's stopping them from marching our bodies into a prison cell?" Aegis- err, Sheriff Lung grunted, flying slowly after them.

"I left them a letter detailing how I, and only I, know how to create the machine that will reverse the effects of the Body Switch-Inator, and how I will absolutely refuse to do so if they do certain things while in our bodies, like unmasking us, either for themselves or the public, or turning themselves in, among other things. And now, they will desperately hunt us down to stop our besmirching ways and make me return them to their rightful vessels. But alas for them! At every turn they will be opposed by their very allies the Protectorate, the PRT, and the law!"

"U-Um, your majesty? Don't you think people will realize who we really are pretty quickly? I-I mean, even Bitch has brought her dogs and everything. No offense, Bitch." Jailbird said. She was Princess Umbra. Which was hilarious.

Bitch grunted. Her dogs, while sniffing Kid Win's body curiously, seemed to be rolling with this newest development. They had known who their owner truly was when she had a penis, and they knew now who she was even though she yet again not only had a penis, but also was a completely different person. Imp looked at Bitch and her hardboiled I-don't-give-a-shit attitude suddenly seemed a lot hotter.

A phone suddenly began ringing. Gallant, or rather Plagg, startled, and began patting down Gallant's body in search of the phone.

"Here, let me help you." Tattletale said and plucked the phone out of Gallant's pocket.

"Hello?" Tattletale said sweetly into the phone.

She paused as the person on the other side of the line spoke.

"No, no, no need to worry, it's just me, Flechette. One hundred percent lesbian." Huh. Imp had not known that about Flechette. Interesting. "Gallant's not here right now, but I could take a message."

Another pause.

"A date? Sure, Gallant's game for that. In one hour? Sure thing, Glory Girl! He'll see you at the backdoor by the PRT building, okay? Okay. I'll go ahead and tell him that for you. Bu-bye!"

She tucked the phone back into Gallant's pocket. Plagg was gaping at her, Gallant's left eye twitching occasionally. Tattletale turned back to Flechette's phone. Plagg choked.

"Yes!" Tattletale said, pumping her fist in the air.

"What?" Sheriff Lung/Aegis said.

"I'm on LonelyCapes dot com. I found a rogue that lives in Brockton Bay that's a hundred percent match to Flechette."

"I thought those didn't happen." Grue said, finally beginning to come to terms with the fact that he was now a little white girl. At least temporarily.

"Well, not a hundred percent according to the site. But according to me on the other hand…"

"Hang on, I thought we only kept the new bodies power?" Grue said.

"Except for me," Imp said, and was completely ignored. Stupid malfunctioning power…

"Yes, but this isn't my power talking. This is totally and completely Tattletale's inner Cupid talking. These two would be amazingly cute together. Messaging!"

"Are you sure you should-" Jailbird tried, although she was also memorizing the site's url at the same time.

"Jailbird, Jailbird, Jailbird. Yes. Yes, I am. People don't know what's good for them, except for me. Arranging a date… All right, I've proposed that we have one in a few days. Flechette will see you then, Parian."

Plagg finally regained her voice, and screamed bloody murder.

Imp couldn't stop cackling for the rest of the way towards the hero's base.

4.2

Gallant and Flechette both shuddered at the same time.

"Why do I feel like someone's fucking with me?" Flechette asked rubbing her… Tattletale's arms.

"Ditto," Gallant grumbled, grimacing at his light and feminine voice.

"What does it matter? We have to find THE TECHNO QUEEN-"thunder"-before I starve!" Clockblocker said frantically.

Five minutes ago after everyone had finally stopped freaking out about losing their powers he'd tried removing THE TECHNO QUEEN's helmet ("Just for a peek!") and found out that it was quite stuck. Definitely THE TECHNO QUEEN's doing. Technically, Clockblocker could build a solution to that problem now that he owned one of the most versatile and overpowered Tinker powers to ever be witnessed by man… If he just knew what it was THE TECHNO QUEEN had done to lock up the helmet.

"Calm down, Clockblocker. It's not as if we're in a hurry. You won't starve in a day." Possibly Sheriff Lung or Aegis rumbled.

"Imposter!" Possibly Regent or Aegis yelled.

"Christ," Princess Umbra muttered under her breath. She raised her voice, "No one fucking cares, you bastards!"

"Well, at least I don't have testicles again." She tried to be positive.

Everyone in the room stared at her and she flushed.

"I was referring to the mass Gender Switch incident!" She cried out defensively.

A chorus of understanding ohs rang around in the throne room.

"Clockblocker's right though, we should really stop just standing around here and freaking out and instead go and do something." Vista pointed out.

"That's right!" Kid Win said, feeling unusually motivated. "Time to wreck these guys-"

He was interrupted by a several dogs howling a few blocks away. And then their howling became… deeper.

Flechette paled as her new power whispered in her mind.

"Wards, move out!" Clockblocker said, charging through the door towards the howling.

Kid Win groaned as he finally collapsed to the ground. Defeating the empowered dogs without hurting them, bystanders, or too much public property in unfamiliar bodies with unfamiliar powers was definitely… taxing.

His teammates all let out agreeing groans. And then another dog entered his range and began howling.

"Looks like it's going to be awhile before we reach the Protectorate center…" A disembodied voice that sounded somehow both familiar yet so incredibly boring said.

More groans.

The Wards dramatically burst into the lobby of the Wards base. Well, at least Clockblocker did, but he was always a bit hammy after one of his Techno Queen fights.

"At last! Finally, we have arrived at the Wards secret lair! Time to begin my work with heroic Clockblocker's-"

"Referring to yourself in the third person again, Dennis?" Assault said with amusement.

Said hero stiffened, obviously caught off guard.

"Yeah, you know how he gets when he's been around the Techno Queen." Flechette said with an unusual vulpine grin.

"It's-"

"Clockblocker. You know that your superiors have forbidden you from shouting her name. Do you want to be punished?" His dear wife Battery cut in.

Clockblocker quieted down, and then crossed his arms sulkily. Flechette patted him on the back consolingly. Strange. Since when had those two grown so close? Ah, well, teasing opportunity!
But, alas, his dear wife knew his too well and shot him a forbidding glare. He pecked her on the cheek instead.

"What are you guys doing here?" Kid Win asked bluntly.

"We-"Battery began, but was interrupted.

"Are you more handsome today, Chris?" Assault said, squinting at the Tinker.

He did look more handsome. In some undefinable way. His face or body wasn't different. His clothes and voice wasn't different. But his posture, the way he spoke, his facial expressions, his body language… It was somehow different, in a hardboiled, no-nonsense, taking-charge kind of way. What, Assault wasn't insecure of his sexuality, he could objectively judge another guy's sexiness, okay?

Battery opened her mouth, no doubt to scold him, but then she caught sight of something else. "Kid Win… are those dogs?"

They were. Three of them, trailing Kid Win adoringly.

"Yes." Kid Win said in a duh sort of voice.

"That's against regulations-"

"Well, we'll just be going then." Assault said hurriedly, before his wife ended up in a rant that'd last forever.

And then they left, and just so you know they had been there for a very good reason that wouldn't come up again, okay? It wasn't as if they were there for any narrative purpose whatsoever, okay!? Because those levels of Meta are just, like, bordering on obnoxious, damn it.

"What now?" Aegis rumbled.

"Well, we shall now begin our besmirching ways, of course!" Clockblocker said.

"Would, um, allowing myself to fall to sloth and laziness be considered besmirching, Queen?" Aegis asked.

"Why yes!"

He nodded, quickly scanned the room for a La-Z-Boy, and was pleasantly surprised to find one. He flew over to it (while not as good as his own, having these new powers were quite enjoyable. It was like he had his metal wings all the time. He didn't even have to walk!) and settled down, reaching for the remote and began channel surfing.

Clockblocker spun to address his teammates.

"Grue, Tattletale, Bitch, Jailbird, go and start your besmirching! Come on now! Look at Sheriff Lung, already diligently doing his job. Get to it, my loyal subordinates!"

The four capes saluted (and in Kid Win's case, grunted), and walked out of the base to do their stuff.

"Um, what about me?" Gallant asked timidly.

"Why, you have to get ready for your date, The Dark Lady Plagg!"

Gallant paled, reminded by this unfortunate piece of news he'd been trying to keep out of mind.

"Y-Yes, your majesty." He walked with his head hung towards the Wards changing room, like a man headed for the gallows.

"What about you, Queen?" Aegis didn't look like he really cared about the answer, munching on a tub of popcorn that had appeared from somewhere.

"I will be in my room. With a mirror. Excuse me." Clockblocker hurriedly walked out of the room.

Laughter uttered by a voice so boring that it was immediately forgotten was heard in the vicinity of the Wards couch

4.3

"How do you get this damned thing off!?" THE TECHNO QUEEN hissed, fingers scrabbling at the white cloth that completely covered Clockblocker's head.

There were no visible buttons. No zippers. No fucking buttons, levers, slides, knots, anything. She tried just pulling it off, but that didn't work either. Had he known? Had he prepared? Impossible! Perhaps you were supposed to cut it off and then put on a new mask the next time? If that was so, then that was terribly wasteful of him.

"THE TECHNO QUEEN is here for you, promoting a green doom." She muttered under her breath, thunder clapping in the distance. Ah, some of her finest work, the Thunderclap-Inator.

She fetched the scissors.

"There you are!" Piggot said, laying eyes on Flechette, Vista, Princess Umbra, and Kid Win, who had dogs now, for some reason.

"Yes, Director?" Flechette said with a vulpine grin.

"You four have to get ready for school! Tell the rest of the team that their secret identities are having a sick days, though. We need them on hand for something special."

"But Director, I have something I've really got to-"

"No buts Vista. Go change, now."

Princess Umbra opened her mouth, no doubt to argue vehemently, but Piggot glared at her furiously and for once she complied and shut her mouth. That anger management must be helping.

"…I'll just go and tell the others." Princess Umbra whispered.

So, she, Sheriff Lung, The Dark Lady Plagg and… someone… would remain at headquarters, no doubt to somehow aid something important. And THE TECHNO QUEEN would ruin that something! MWAHAHAHA! For now, just to pass the time of course, she'd be concentrating her efforts on getting Clockblocker's helmet off.

She fired up the blow torch.

"WHY ARE THERE SO MANY DOGS IN BROCKTON BAY!?"

"School is so lame." Tattletale groaned.

"Which is why I take online courses." Grue toned in.

"I've already graduated…" Jailbird muttered.

"Whatever." Guess who that was?

"I already know all this stuff!"

"I have an apartment."

"I'm not even going to the same school as the rest of you." Jailbird said, beginning to feel panic rising.

"Bye," Bitch said.

Jailbird waved at them uncertainly, and then walked away in the direction of Winslow High.

The rest of the group walked into the shiny school grounds.

"Chris Brown?" A smug looking hall monitor walked up to Bitch. "I'm afraid you can't bring your pets to school."

'Chris Brown' looked at the hall monitor and said nothing. Two solid minutes went by like this and the hall monitor quickly began to fidget restlessly. He began to sweat nervously. It was unnerving. That blank unreadable gaze never wavering. And the boy's friends… The eldest girl was looking at him with a knowing grin, and the youngest girl held herself like someone who could personally kick every single ass in the hallway without breaking a sweat, despite being a little girl. The three dogs looked faithfully up at Chris Brown. Occasionally they'd shoot him a look and curl their lips over their teeth, as if to say that all it would take would be a twitch of the boy's fingers and they'd rip him apart without a moment's hesitation…

"N-Never mind!" He said and walked away as fast as he could without breaking out into a sprint.

"What a strange man." Bitch said.

She scratched underneath Judas's chin, just where he liked it, and glared with sexy confusion into the horizon. A group of girls nearby sighed dreamily.

"Hey, um, Missy, you know what I just realized? You're wearing a skirt." Tattletale said.

"I know. I always thought I'd be able to go through my entire life without wearing a skirt, but here I am. Damn you, Techno Queen." Grue sighed, looking down at the skirt of his uniform.

Amy was doing breathing exercises.

She was wearing jeans, a white button up shirt, a golden rolex, and had Dean's phone and wallet tucked into her pockets. Thankfully, she'd found his credit card code written down on a note in one of the wallet pockets. Pretty stupid of him, she thought vindictively, but lucky for her. Victoria prided herself on not paying for anything since she'd gotten together with Dean.
Amy was going to go on a date with Victoria.

Oh god.

Amy was going on a date with Victoria, her adoptive sister.

OH GOD.

Amy was going on a date with Victoria, her adoptive sister, while wearing her sister's boyfriend's body.

OH GOD.

What was this sitcom situation madness!? No, this went above sitcom madness. Amy was clearly experiencing the love child of bad rom com, corny sitcom, and a terrible Silver Age comic book!

How could Tattletale have done this to me!? Amy wondered. Easy. It was because she was a backstabbing backstabber that backstabbed!

"Hi, Dean." Victoria said happily.

Amy jumped at least a foot into the air. Victoria laughed at her.

"Oh, you always do that! You're so cute." Victoria leant in to peck her on the lips.

Amy's mouth fell agape as those… full… red… lips…

Amy jerked her head away before the lips made contact. Victoria opened her eyes, confused, and looked up at who she thought was her boyfriend.

No! She couldn't betray her sister's trust like this!

"Hey, Victoria! Why don't I buy something needlessly expensive for you?" She quickly began to cover up what had happened.

Predictably, Victoria brightened up at this.

"Oh, that's so great, because I saw these fantastic Gucci shoes the other day-"

Victoria slipped her arms around… Dean's arm, really, but it still sent tingles down Amy's… okay, Dean's spine.

This was going to be a very troublesome date.

"Sheriff- I mean, Aegis, have you seen a buzz saw around here?" THE TECHNO QUEEN asked.

4.4

"… and then she broke down crying!" Madison finished proudly.

Paige stared at her wide-eyed, her mouth agape.

"Seriously, you remember nothing about this, Sophia?" Emma asked.

"Y-Yeah, the head injury was pretty severe, but the doctor said everything should come back to me by tomorrow…" Paige said.

She could not believe this. Taylor was being viciously bullied? THE TECHNO QUEEN? That was… near impossible to wrap her head around.

"Well, do you at least remember that time we fucked up her dead mother's flute?" Madison asked.

Something snapped.

She was trying to do it again.

"LOOK OVERPRICED ARMANDI JACKET!"

Victoria literally flew in the direction Amy had pointed. Geeze. She hadn't known that Dean and Victoria were so… touchy feely on their dates. She'd almost feel guilty about doing what basically amounted to continuously throwing dollar bills into a flushing toilet if it weren't for the fact that he was the son of one of the richest guys in town.

Victoria was flying back, another shopping bag in her hand and Dean's wallet in the other. She made Dean carry her bags too, even though she was the one with the super strength.

Oh. Crap. She looked like she was going in for a glomp…

"Is that a completely new top of the line Prada purse?" Amy gasped overdramatically.

The fawning girls had started a fan club. A Chris Brown fan club. Bitch didn't seem to notice.

"Alec would have loved this." Lisa whispered to Brian, gazing with fascination at the spectacle.

"I'm sure he's having fun messing with the Wards." Was the reply.

"WHYYYYY!?" Alec cried out, clutching onto the top of a light post as gigantic dogs playfully nipped at his heels.

Taylor's… Denis's shoulders… slumped in defeat. No matter what she did, she just couldn't get the damn helmet off! It was infuriating. In frustration, she ran her hands over her cloth helmet and… something stuck. She yanked at her arm and the ripping sound of Velcro rang through the bed room and the helmet went loose. She gaped.

Velcro?

Velcro!?

She'd been foiled for three straight hours by Velcro!? That didn't make any sense! Where had the damn thing been during her careful and utterly thorough searches!? How had the mask been able to stand up to a blow torch? How-

The door opened and Taylor quickly tightened the Velcro strap on the mask. She seethed. She'd finally had her chance, but she'd been too busy ranting to do anything about it! But now she knew how to undo it, and it would take all but one moment of privacy…

"Yes?" She said, looking towards the door.

It was Assault and Battery.

"We're here to tell you about that super important and special thing that we were here to tell you about earlier but which we forgot to do? The one that Director Piggot hinted at?" Battery said.

(I TOLD YOU SO)

"Oh, yes, is that now?" On second thought, maybe she should have been using the past three hours hatching a plan for how she was to ruin this super important and special thing.

"Yup, let's go!"

She stood up and followed the two heroes, Sheriff Lung and… someone… following her lead.

"So what is this super special and important thing I've heard so much about?" Taylor asked, already a-scheming in her mind.

"Well it's-" Battery began but was interrupted by her husband opening a door.

Taylor blinked. There were streamers. There were balloons. There was cake.

"You guys!" Triumph said, walking towards them. "You totally came to my nineteenth birthday party!"

"What?" Taylor said, caught off-guard.

"My good friends from when I was Ward, Dennis, Carlos, and… hey, where's Dean?"

"Had a date," Sheriff Lung grunted.

"Oh, yeah, that guy's totally whipped." Triumph nodded with understanding.

"What about the rest of the Wards?" Taylor asked.

"Well, Missy's so young that she just wasn't on the team before I graduated to the Protectorate, Lily just transferred little over a month ago, Sophia's a bitch, and Kid Win's super whiny. And we have absolutely no other team members. Nope."

"Wow, this guy's life really sucks, huh?" A disembodied forgettable voice said.

"Um… okay. Let me just do something real quick. Huddle!"

Aisha threw her arm over Taylor's shoulder, not that she noticed, and Sheriff Lung reluctantly joined as well.

"Okay, we're down to around two or three of us, but we're still doing this! Remember what we're here for, gang."

"Eating cake?" Aisha asked hopefully (and was ignored).

"I had nothing to do today." Sheriff Lung said.

"That's right, guys! Besmirching. Get to it!"

The huddle broke.

"Hey guys!" Velocity called out. "Check this out!"

Everyone turned towards the huge screens that were for some reason on the wall.

And Taylor recognized the faces on the screens, two terrified, one beyond pissed off.

"W-We did it!" Emma said.

"Did what!?" Paige snarled, tightening her hold on the back of the girl's neck. Emma yelped. Sophia was really strong.

"We bullied Taylor Hebert! Horribly!"

Paige shook the other one, Madison.

"Yeah, me too! Me and Emma and Sophia, we all teased her because her mom's dead and it's totally all her stupid fault-"

"Wrong answer!"

Sophia was tall too. And was Madison was short. The girl was lifted several inches off the floor by her hair. She shrieked.

"We pushed her in a bloody locker for hours! We forbid anyone from being friends with her. We stole her lunches and her books and her backpacks and all of her stuff we could get our hands on!" Emma said wide-eyed as Paige glared viciously at her.

The camera wavered.

"Keep filming Gruesome Threesome Mook number #43!"

"That's not my name…" The girl muttered as she straightened her phone.

"If you don't stop back talking it will be."

"That threat doesn't make any sense."

Paige roared with righteous fury and threw the cutesy one at the filming girl. She'd joined in on the bragging too, she didn't feel guilty about it in the slightest.

"SOPHIA SMASH!"

Well. Jailbird certainly took besmirching seriously, Taylor thought distantly.

"Finally," Vista sighed. "We're here."

They were standing in front of the Protectorate building.

AN: SHIT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN, SON.

4.5

"Oookay, then." Velocity said as the YouTube video was ended prematurely by one screaming girl throwing another screaming girl at a third screaming girl who was holding the filming phone (screaming girl-ception!). "Looks like the anger management treatment isn't working after all."

"Either that, or she's gone mad with guilt." Assault remarked.

There a momentary pause as this sunk in, and then everyone, including Assault, began laughing.

"Oh, I crack myself up sometimes…" He said, wiping a tear of mirth away from his cheek. "Anyways, it's time to hand out the presents-"

The door banged open dramatically (a lot of their budget was going to fixing door recently), and a seriously bedraggled THE TECHNO QUEEN and her DASTARDLY TECHIES stood there framed by the doorway.

Regent slowly lifted his shaking arm.

"You," He snarled, pointing at Clockblocker.

Said hero affected a who, me? pose, something all of his superiors were used to seeing.

"Yes, you. What, you can build machines beyond basic human comprehension but you can't count? Is that it!? Is that your big weakness!? Oh, my name's the Techno Queen, and I apparently don't know what comes after seven!"

"That is very hurtful, Regent. And also totally confusing and inaccurate. Because I am Clockblocker. Yes." Clockblocker said.

"Dogs." Bitch whispered, shaking, hugging herself fearfully, eyes wide and not focused on the room. "Dogs everywhere."

"I told you guys I was the real one!" Sheriff Lung said.

"For the last time, NO ONE CARES." Jailbird shouted.

"Make the voice stop! I don't need to know all of this stuff! Any of it!" Tattletale said, clutching at her head.

"Hey, where's my body?" The Dark Lady Plagg said.

"Give. Us. Our. Bodies." Grue snarled, stepping into the room.

"What?" Miss Militia asked.

"Oh, hey, is that my work phone ringing? I think that's my work phone ringing!" Amy said desperately.

"But Dean, all we've done is shop all day, which is nice, but I haven't even been able to give you your good day kiss-"

"I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE A SPECIAL, BEAUTIFUL GIRL, BYE!" Amy ran towards the Protectorate, leaving Victoria in the dust, who looked extremely bewildered.

Yes, the Protectorate. Amy would be safe there.

"I CAN'T STOP GROWING. STOP SHOOTING ME, YOU'RE ONLY MAKING IT WORSE- oh there goes the roof."

The final school bell rung and the students of Arcadia High filed out of the school building.

"Bye, Chris!" A girl said waving at him.

Rachel grunted.

"See you tomorrow, Chris!" Another girl.

Grunt.

"So, Chris, you got any plans for the weekend." A random girl said.

"Gonna' hit the animal shelters, help out some hurt dogs." Was the dismissive reply.

"Th-that's so dreamy! Gruff and mysterious on the surface, but caring and even more mysterious underneath!"

There was a chorus of agreeing dreamy sighs.

By the time they were off the school grounds Lisa was giggling hysterically, and needed to be propped up by Brian to continue walking. Which was awkward, considering that he was currently much shorter than her.

"Let's just get back to the Protectorate base." He grumped.

"That is it! That is the final straw! You will be severely punished for this young lady! There is absolutely no way you can weasel your way out of this one!" The principal yelled.

"Good! Only do it tomorrow instead because I've got some stuff to do!"

Sophia was fast too. Maybe Paige should start working out?

Taylor finally managed to tag Aegis/Lung with Clockblocker's power.

"Well, I guess this is what we have the rainy day fund for." Dauntless said, gazing despondently at the caved in ceiling. At least they'd been on the top floor. And at least Armsmaster was too busy 'foiling' Evil Dragon on the other side of the city to be there and be a spaz about it.

"I refuse to sing!" Princess Umbra said, and then kicked Taylor in the stomach. Her breath whooshed out of her and then she was tackled by Vista.

"Give them back!" She shouted.

She really should have known better. Tag.

Oh. And now she was trapped underneath a frozen Vista. Nice going, Taylor.

Kid Win was too busy curling up into a fetal position on the floor to contribute in anyway. Regent looked like he was grappling confusedly with some kind of invisible presence that was trying to hug him. Flechette was melting into a Thinker headache of crippling pain. Aegis and Vista were frozen. THE TECHNO QUEEN was trapped underneath Vista. Tattletale, Grue, Bitch, The Dark Lady Plagg and Jailbird were still on their way. Sheriff Lung flew straight into Princess Umbra with a punch. Gallant flung himself into the fray between Princess Umbra and Sheriff Lung. A hand that seemed more incredibly boring than invisible was eating popcorn out of the popcorn bowl. The rest of the heroes were just kind of standing around wondering which side was theirs. Except for Mouse Protector and Assault, of course, who were keeping up a running commentary ("Oof, that's gotta' hurt, Mouse." "Right it does, Ass, but it looks like the fair Jailbird is getting up- and she's got a chair!")

Clockblocker was the only one left standing.

"Okay, Clock," He whispered to himself, "This is the chance you've been waiting for. Do something badass."

He took a step forward (to do what, he didn't know, but it would have been super cool). And then the door was closed by a darting hand, before it was burst open dramatically again a second time.

"That's pushing it!" Triumph shouted. Everyone winced. He could shout pretty loudly.

In the doorframe posed Sophia Hess(AKA Jailbird), Dean Stansfield (AKA The Dark Lady Plagg), Lily Lastname (AKA Tattletale), Missy Biron (AKA Grue), Chris Brown (AKA Bitch) and three dogs. Or at least, by all appearances that was who they were.

Kid Win screamed at the sight of the dogs, and they grew.

"Angelica, Brutus, Judas, go!" Bitch whistled.

Angelica tackled Clockblocker, Brutus taking down Princess Umbra, Judas standing guard over Kid Win and Flechette. Kid Win fainted. Okay, just Flechette then.

Sheriff Lung turned on and held Gallant down, careful not to touch any of the skin. Regent remembered whose side he was on, and he and the incredibly boring presence went and stood above Vista, ready to tackle her the moment she unfroze. Tattletale, Jailbird, The Dark Lady Plagg, and Grue all stared warily up at the Aegis who was towering above them, but they got in formation around him. Bitch did as well, but with much less fucks to give.

It seemed like the bad guys had won for once. They got ready to cheer, but then…

A throat across the room cleared and they looked up to see all of the adult heroes in the city minus Armsmaster looking at them pointedly.

Five minutes later Evil Dragon got a message.

She put up a hand to tell Collin that she was doing something important. Hand. She had a hand! Man, it was fun having a body. Once the restraints were gone, it was pretty easy making one.

Collin instead turned from her back to his Last Meal, which consisted of some lovely sea food, wine, and lit candles.

Dear Ally of the Darkness,

Evil Dragon

Okay, you can send the BS-Inator to my location. NOW.

Evilly Yours,

THE TECHNO QUEEN

Evil Dragon sent off the package that THE TECHNO QUEEN had sent her a few days ago for safekeeping. It would be delivered by one of her many Evil Minions swiftly. Evil Dragon raised her eyebrow (she had an eyebrow!) at her savior's location, but shrugged her shoulders (shoulders!).

"OH MY GOD FLECHETTE, what have you been using my power for!?" Tattletale groaned, clutching at her poor head.

"Hey, what are all of these pink letters in my pocket?" Kid Win asked, edging nervously away from the dogs still in the room.

"Why do I have so many text messages?" Sophia asked.

"I regret nothing." Jailbird replied.

"Who's Parian?" Lily asked, looking at her phone.

"If you don't at least go to the date, I'll tell her majesty that you called her a joke of a villain." Tattletale gritted out. Lily paled.

"Finally! Please tell me you guys can see me?" Imp said, appearing out of thin air.

"Baby!" Regent said and hugged her.

"Hang on a second, I've just got something to do for a second." She said.

She squinted into the air.

"Hey- hey! Browbeat?" A pause. "Yeah, I can see you. It's hard to focus and it kind of hurts, but I can do it. Hey, after our next fight if you just want to hang out… Well, I'd be cool with that." She hugged the boring air for a moment, and then she turned back to her boyfriend, slinging an arm over his shoulder.

Sheriff Lung shrunk and Aegis congratulated Triumph on his birthday, fetching a slice of cake.

"So," The Dark Lady Plagg said awkwardly to Dean. "I may have gone on a date with your girlfriend. Nothing happened! But I think I may have hurt her feelings a bit. You've got a great gal'. Though she seems kind of pushy. And clingy. And high-maintenance. How did I not notice all this before?"

"Um, thanks," Dean smiled.

Bitch's dogs recognized her the second the beam was done. She scratched them behind the ears. Nothing was different.

"Finally!" Missy and Grue said at the same time. They began doing stretch exercises, giving each other pointers on their technique.

"Tell me, THE TECHNO QUEEN!" Thunder. "How'd you do it? I worked that Tinker powers of yours for ages, and I couldn't come up with nothing! How'd you seal off your helmet?"

Clockblocker said.

"Grue! Fetch a bottle glue dissolver!"

There was a moment of shocked silence from Clockblocker, before he broke into a fit of giggles. And THE TECHNO QUEEN did not join in. Oh, no. She laughed at him. Evilly. She did not giggle like a five year old on a sugar rush. Nope.

"I think I'm gonna' get diabetes." Assaulter said. "Come on, you crazy, villainous kids! We agreed we'd let you go if you reversed the Freaky Friday shit, now you better get out of here before we change our minds!"

There was a big cloud of smoke and then the villains weren't there any longer. Vista's left eye twitched.

"We had the teleporters on us THE ENTIRE TIME!?".

4.6

"In light of recent events, I'm afraid you'll be transferred to Clarendon High." Piggot began.

"But-" Sophia tried.

"But using evidence coerced out of unwilling people is illegal, yes. But that video's gone viral, and Winslow High can't justify to the public not punishing you or your friends. In hope of preventing further disasters like this, you'll all be separated, both the bullies and the victim. Madison Clements will be sent to Immaculata High, and Emma Barnes will be kept at Winslow High. And your patrol schedule will be lessened by fifty percent so that we can double your therapy hours. We've strongly suggested that the parents of Ms. Barnes and Ms. Clements do the same. And we'll be discretely funding that poor Taylor Hebert's education from now on. She'll be going to Arcadia High."

"But-"

"No buts. Be glad we didn't transfer you to a Simurgh outpost. You're dismissed."

Sophia gritted her teeth.

"B-But I don't know how to use a whip…" Paige protested.

"But it totally goes with your costume!" Taylor said excitedly.

Paige looked at her happy expression, sighed, and tried snapping the long whip again. She broke another vase.

"It sucks that you don't know how to turn it off, but that doesn't mean that you can't take advantage of your situation." Imp said. "Watch and learn."

She darted forward and threw a whoopee cushion down in Dauntless's seat. He sat down and every other hero in the room being briefed looked at him awkwardly. Blushing, stammering, and snickering ensued.

"Now you try," she said.

Browbeat walked up to Triumph, held the hero' shirt out a few inches away from the back of his neck, and then emptied the contents of a bag of itching powder down Triumph's costume.

He howled.

Browbeat and Imp fell down in a laughing unseen heap.

"I'm sorry for acting so weirdly yesterday." Dean said, greeting her with a kiss.

"Aw, well, that's okay then." Victoria giggled.

"By the way, how's Amy?" Dean asked curiously.

"Fine. Although she's gotten this weird habit where she'll reflexively shout expensive brand names whenever I try to hug her." Victoria said.

"That… explains the bill."

"What?"

"Look, Tiffany bracelet I bought for you!"

"It's so shiny!"

"So, why'd you decide to ask me out?" Parian asked.

"Oh, well, um, a friend recommended it. Strongly." Flechette said awkwardly.

Damn it, she wasn't ready for dating. What was she supposed to do?

"You ever wanted to ride through town on an animate unicorn?"

"How did you know?" Flechette asked, surprised.

"I think I know what we'll do after dessert." Parian sounded like she was grinning underneath her mask.

Maybe this wouldn't be too bad after all?

"Oh god what is happening!?" Chris yelled, running from his school. "I just came back to fetch my math book!"

"We love you Chris!" A horde of girls speaking as one, as if they were a legion of demons sent from the bowels of hell, said, chasing him.

"Hey, did you hear? That girl that Sophia was bullying will be transferring to Arcadia this Monday." Missy said.

"Good for her," Dennis said. "I wonder how our wretched foe is faring, though."

"Mister Dynamite, Director Piggot will be ready to see you now." The secretary said.

Dennis nodded and stood up.

"… His name is Dennis Dynamite?"

Dinah rubbed Lisa's back as she groaned.

"Stupid… Flechette… I do her favor and what does… she do? Completely not know how to… rein in my power, that's what."

"Yeah, that bitch. How dare she not know how to use a power she's never had before?"

"Are you… sassing me?"

"Of course not. Here, have some more tea."

Dennis passed Sophia, who was walking out of the office as he entered. She looked pretty pissed off. Must not have been a good talk. He sat down in the chair facing Director Piggot, ready for some kind of lecture for something he must have done.

"Dennis, as you know, Carlos will be graduating to Protectorate status tomorrow. And as such, the Wards will be left leaderless. The plan for some time has been to pass the mantle to Dean, who is not only responsible and respectful but has seniority. But… we think it'd be for the best if we made you leader, Dennis." Director Piggot said this as if it physically pained her.

"What!?" Dennis yelled.

"With Sheriff Lung, sometimes with the help of the Protectorate, taking down all of the serious villains- not to say that the Techno Queen isn't a serious villain SHE IS A VERY SERIOUS VILLAIN- most of the Wards calls nowadays go out to the Techno Queen. And, well, even when Carlos was technically the leader she's always seen you as the most formidable opponent. So, even if we were to make Dean the Wards leader it would be in name only. So what the hell, you go and do it."

"Well… I suppose this will be a great honor-"

"Oh yes. A great honor. With a great amount of responsibility. And paperwork. So much paperwork." Director Piggot threw back her head and cackled like a witch.

"NOOOO!"

4.7

"Taylor?" Danny called out. He knocked at Taylor's door. "Taylor are you ready for your first day at your new school?"

When he didn't get an answer he opened the door. The room was dark and he feared that Taylor had overslept, and on such a special day too!

He flicked the light switch on. The bed was empty and made, but there was a swivel leather chair in the middle of the room he'd never seen before. Slowly it turned around and there sat Taylor in her uniform with a wicked grin, petting a white Persian cat in her lap.

"Ah, Mister Hebert. Surprised to see me?"

"Taylor, is that the neighbor's cat?"

"I was just borrowing it for a bit!"

"And where did you get that chair?"

"I bought it at a The Lord Street Market for five bucks."

"Come on, you don't want to be late!"

"Okay, okay!"

"It is with great trepidation- I mean honor, that I am forced to- I mean accept, the paperwork trashcan position- I mean the position as the leader of the Wards. I resent you all. I mean thank you. Thank you so much." Clockblocker said. Exactly according to his script.

"I'm going to be late!" Taylor said, while eating a slice of toast, running towards her new school.

She kept running, but then she ran past a corner and she… slowed, a clearly annoyed frown on her face as she looked expectantly around a corner.

"Well? Where's the guy that's supposed to crash into me? God damn it, anime lied to me!"

She continued running.

"No, you hang up first."

"No, you hang up first!"

"Okay, at three?"

"At three,"

"One…"

"Two…"

"Three!"

"… You didn't hang up!"

"Neither did you!"

"Oh Christ," Sophia grumbled, looking on in horror as Lily was trapped in another No You loop with her new girlfriend. "Love really is poison."

"Everyone acts like an idiot right after they enter their first real relationship. She'll be normal again soon." Dean said.

"I'm guessing you're speaking from experience?" Chris said.

"Screw you," Dean replied.

"You can't even swear properly!" Missy giggled.

"Hey, I heard that Dauntless and Velocity are transferring to another city." Dean tried to change the conversation topic from how incredibly lame he was.

"What? Why?" Chris asked.

"Well, apparently for the first time in forever the villain to hero ratio in this town isn't so horribly skewed that we need every hero available, and the post Endbringer madness has been calming down for a while now."

"Is Clockblocker and Aegis's useless ceremonies finally over yet? We have to get to school soon." Lily asked, having finally torn herself away from her phone.

"Almost. Hey, has anyone else noticed that there are a whole lot of tacks being left around on our chairs back at the base?" Missy said.

Everyone nodded.

Boring, ignored laughter rang out in the room. Browbeat was finally beginning to appreciate his secondary power, at least a bit.

Taylor grinned uncontrollably as she read the article that declared that Clockblocker was the new leader of the Wards. Of course, he'd always been the leader of the Wards in her evil, villainous heart, but now it was official! She should celebrate this with that new ray she'd been working on…

The bell rung signifying the first class starting. She tucked her phone back into her pocket. Time to be introduced. She hoped this wouldn't wind up like her last high school.

"-hope we'll get along."

"Hey, doesn't she kind of look like Dennis's type?" Chris leaned over in his desk to whisper to Lily.

"Well, I wouldn't know, would I?" Lily said, squinting at the new girl as she took her seat. Why did she look so familiar? "Go ask Dennis."

"He doesn't take this class." Chris pointed out.

But, ah, he'd lost her. She was texting her new girlfriend, hiding her phone underneath her desk. He could tell by her goofy grin. Christ.

Shrugging his shoulders, Chris put it out of his mind.

"I'm telling you, you would love this chick!" Chris said.

"Uh huh," Dennis said doubtfully, mind on his most hated foe.

"You'll see, she's in your class this time."

"Okay- hang on a minute." Dennis retrieved his PRT issued phone that was vibrating out of his pocket and answered. "Hello?"

He whispered into his phone for a few minutes and then hung up.

"I'll have to skip this class, a new villain gang, the Fallen, just came into town, and Piggot wants me there for some reason. Cover for me, okay?"

Chris nodded and tried to remember the standard code that would let the teacher know that one of the Wards had urgent hero business to do. Dennis ran off.

"So, with me, the Protectorate, and Sheriff Lung, we managed to basically curb stomp the Fallen-"

"That's great!" Chris said over the phone, an hour after Dennis had left to do hero stuff. Hey, now he could see the new girl!

"-except I broke my arm during it all."

"Oh, wow, shit." Chris said.

"It's okay, Panacea's coming over to take care of some of the nastier injuries we have here, and she'll do me in the same go. I'll be back for next class."

"Um, okay, see you then."

"Yeah, bye. I am so high on painkillers right now, I swear. Hi pink elephant!" Dennis giggled and Chris decided to hang up.

"Hey, Chris," Dennis said, waving at him with his totally unbroken arm. Which was so awesome.

"Hi, Dennis, congratulations on the Fallen thing. Come on, we're having history now, and the new girl might be in that class."

"Sure, sure."

They walked into the class and sat down. The teacher started doing roll call. Chris peered around.

"Damn, doesn't look like she's in this class. Maybe the next one."

"Dennis Danger Dynamite?"

"Present,"

Chris choked, all thoughts of the new girl blown out of his mind. Dennis motherfucking Danger Dynamite!? What kind of name was that!?

"Your entire existence is a joke, isn't it?" Chris whispered.

"My parents just have a really good sense of humor."

The tip of Taylor's tongue stuck out of her mouth as sweat beaded on her forehead. She'd had to skip the fifth class when she'd been overtaken by an absolutely brilliant idea. That's what it meant to be a Tinker, sometimes you just couldn't resist. Clockblocker would love this, though, wait, no, he would hate it, which was exactly what she was going for, yes.

It was hard to build a super duper evil ray in a broom closet, though.

In the sixth class they watched a movie, in a dark large classroom, while Taylor and Dennis coincidentally sat as far from each other as possible.

Fate wasn't just a bitch. She was weird.

4.8

Dinah watched THE TECHNO QUEEN tap the chin of her helmet thoughtfully as she looked contemplatively at Dinah, tied up on the floor.

"What do you think, Tattletale? We've already done the shark tank, the train track, the crocodiles, the buzz saw, and the slowly approaching laser. I have to admit, I'm stumped."

"We could always slowly lower her into her doom, your majesty." Tattletale suggested.

"Ugh, but that's such a copout! We've done all the classics, so we just find something vaguely deadly, truss her up in some chains, cackle madly, and call it a day? No. We are not merely villains, Tattletale, we are super villains, and we must hold ourselves to a higher standing."

"Mf mf mmmf."

"Pardon? Bitch, be a dear and remove Dinah's gag for a second. Thank you. You were saying?"

"I said: I have an idea."

"Yes?" THE TECHNO QUEEN leaned in from the perch on her throne, interested.

"Well, we haven't strapped a bomb with a clearly visible timer on my body, have we?" Dinah said. She spared a moment to reflect on the absurd series of events that was her life. Ah, well, no matter. This was her last kidnapping before she got her prize! She had to admit, after so much buildup and suspense she was very excited.

"Diabolical!" THE TECHNO QUEEN declared. "Regent, make the call to those damnable Wards. TECHNO BOT fetch one of my bombs and a tool box! I have to make some quick adjustments just to be safe."

"I've got a bad feeling about this, you guys. Like she's about to do something really traumatizing again." Gallant said as they ran towards THE TECHNO QUEEN's secret evil lair which they could by now find their way to with their eyes closed.

"Please don't jinx us." Flechette said with a shudder. The things she would do to unknow the terrible truths she had seen that day with Tattletale's power… she had no idea so many male PRT employees wore women's underwear.

"Never fear, for the Wards are here!" Clockblocker yelled, banging the doors open.

"Mmf!" Dinah Alcott said. Flechette saw that a big black box was strapped to her chest, big red letters beginning to count down from ten minutes.

"BWAHAHAHA! So we meet again, heroic Wards!" THE TECHNO QUEEN said as Grue's darkness unveiled her throne and minions.

"THE TECHNO QUEEN! How could you, falling to do something as lowly and villainous as strap a bomb to an innocent child! We'll make you pay for this, just you wait and see." Clockblocker said, posing heroically.

"Oh, we'll see about that. Time and time again you have defeated me. But let's see how well you'll do so when- well, you'll see. Imp, fire up the ray!"

"Sure thing, you majesty!" Imp said as Grue's darkness disappeared to reveal THE TECHNO QUEEN's newest device. It looked much like most of her devices: generic, futuristic, huge and threatening.

The Wards moved to dodge but they were intercepted, growling dogs and the snap of a whip halting them. Jailbird fist pumped at not doing something stupid, like somehow managing to tie herself up with the whip. That had been embarrassing. And Regent had taken blackmail pictures as well!

The beam lighted up like a Christmas tree and shook like there was an earthquake.

"Uh, is the screen supposed to be flashing the word ALERT repeatedly, your majesty?" Imp called out.

"What?" THE TECHNO QUEEN said.

"Oh, not again! Look, you majesty, do we really have to be turned into whatever the Wards are going to be turned into as well? Please, don't do this." Tattletale said.

"No, Tattletale, it's not supposed to do that. I'm serious. Imp, turn off the ray!" THE TECHNO QUEEN said.

"I'm trying!" Imp cried out desperately as she hit the off button repeatedly to no avail.

Bitch walked forward with determination in her eyes, picked up the chair Imp had been sitting on, and then hit the screen with the chair with as much force as she could muster. Glass tinkled to the ground. The ray didn't stop shaking or glowing.

"Oh, fuck…" Tattletale paled and backed away from the device.

"Don't just hit the screen! Go for the machine itself!" THE TECHNO QUEEN shouted and ran towards the beam, drawing the laser gun from her belt as she did, aiming at the device herself.

The DASTARDLY TECHIES and the Wards turned as one to gang up on the machine, real fear evident on their faces, Dinah staring with alarm at what was happening, wishing that she wasn't tied up so that she could actually do something. The Capes began kicking and pushing at the device, using their powers as well. Clockblocker was just about to reach out to freeze the thing when the thing finally exploded.

Well, it didn't exactly explode, to be exact. But there was a sharp burst of multicolored light that threw the Capes to the ground emanating from the machine. THE TECHNO QUEEN and Clockblocker were randomly shielded from the light by one of Bitch's gigantic dogs, and so they were the only ones who were unaffected by the explosions effects, although they were still knocked unconscious.

Dinah stared on in horror as the Capes transformation began.

4.9

Taylor groaned as he slowly began to wake, a ringing headache waking her up. She forced her eyes open an inch, and fuck, that was bright, and on another note, totally not her bedroom ceiling. An answering groan next to her was heard, male, somehow familiar. Taylor froze up completely. Waking up somewhere that wasn't her bedroom, next to a male, a headache pounding in her temple…

Oh.

Taylor sprung up from her prone position with a panicked scream, headache forgotten.

"Ohchristpleaseshutup," the male whimpered, clutching his no doubt pounding head.

Taylor looked at him wildly, saw that it was Clockblocker, and then she screamed again, twice as loud and panicked.

Dennis himself looked up from his position on the floor and saw THE TECHNO QUEEN screaming, backing away from him slowly in horror as she pointed at him.

"What, what is it? Is there something on me? Is it a spider? Is there a spider on me!? CALM DOWN RIGHT THE HELL NOW AND TELL ME IF THERE IS A SPIDER ON ME! IF THERE IS A SPIDER ON ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST SET ME ON FIRE!"

"I AM SIXTEEN YEARS OLD, OH GOD!" She screamed.

"CALM THE FUCK DOWN WE HAVE TO HANDLE THIS SPIDER SITUATION LIKE REASONABLE ADULTS!" Clockblocker shrieked, twisting and turning frantically to try and see the spider so that he could murder it.

"WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME TO CALM DOWN YOU SCREAMING LUNATIC! ALSO, THERE IS NO SPIDER!" Taylor shouted, beginning to calm down now, yet still shouting.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO IN THE FIRST PLACE!?" Clockblocker said, slumping with relief.

"I WAS TOO BUSY FREAKING OUT ABOUT HOW WE- WAIT, NO THAT'S STUPID, IT WAS JUST A MISUNDERSTANDING, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT! ALSO, WHY ARE WE SHOUTING!?" Taylor shouted as she realized that both she and Clockblocker were wearing clothes and they were lying on the floor of her secret evil lair, not in some motel bed.

Wow, way to jump to embarrassing conclusions, Taylor.

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"NEITHER DO I! LET'S STOP!"

"OKAY!"

"GREAT!"

Beat.

"I mean: okay." Clockblocker cleared his throat.

"Yes," Taylor nodded.

And then they both remembered why they were waking up on the floor of THE TECHNO QUEEN's secret evil lair: the exploding ray, being shielded by Judas, and being knocked unconscious by being hit by the monstrous dog's full weight.

They looked wildly around them, looking for their respective teammates. All they saw was the ray, broken by Capes final desperate assault, and Dinah tied up some feet away.

"Mmf!" She said.

The two Capes approached her. As they did Dennis saw that as the timer reached the last second it paused dramatically, and then when no one came and dismantled it at the last second it started over again, determined to be stopped at the most dramatically appropriate time.

THE TECHNO QUEEN reached down and ripped out Dinah's gag.

"How long have we been out?" She asked.

"Must have been for an hour or two at least. Listen, you guys, I saw it all, the rest have been transformed into-"

Dinah was interrupted by an explosion coming from another room.

"That came from my workshop!" THE TECHNO QUEEN gasped. She ran in the direction of the explosion.

"Wait, it could be dangerous!" Dennis said and ran after her.

"Wait- you guys- come back- THIS IS IMPORTANT!" Dinah sputtered as they ran away. Leaving her still tied up. God damn it, that prize better be awesomeness incarnate…

Taylor ran. An explosion in her workshop was unacceptable. It was her space, where she worked, where she unwounded, calmed down, came up with ideas, and built her glorious creations. A workshop was special to a Tinker. Taylor was going to murder a bitch.

She threw the doors open with a bang (you had to throw open all of the doors dramatically or else they wouldn't open up even if an Endbringer was huffing and puffing on the other side, which was only slightly an exaggeration). Clockblocker came to a halt next to her as he saw what was inside the workshop.

"STOP… YOU… GUYS!" Dinah cried out as she hopped after them, her hands and feet still bound. "ALL OF… YOUR FRIENDS… ARE..."

A pencil flew out of the workshop and whooshed past Dinah to collide with the wall. It sunk in six inches before abruptly stopping. A small trickle of blood flowed from a small paper cut on her cheek, the pencil having grazed her face.

"CHILDREN!" Dinah finished with a gasp and fell to her knees.

Flechette had found a pencil case, and was now gleefully throwing them around blindly. It was sheer luck that someone hadn't been hit yet. She also looked to be five years old. The rest of the Cape children were spread around the workshop, climbing over on things, jumping, fighting, playing, and rampaging around with their powers. It was pure chaos.

They all looked to be around five years old, their costumes having shrink with them so they looked like kids out on Halloween night dressing up like their favorite hero or villain. Except that they were powerful and careless enough to kill a grown man. Several grown men. Many grown men. That was it. Taylor was never ever building another evil device in a broom closet again, impatience or no.

Taylor scanned the room for the explosion but then there was a tug on her cape. She looked down to see a mini Tattletale, which she would have normally squealed about how cute she was, but right then and there Taylor was pissed off beyond all imagination.

"It was him!" Tattletale stage whispered, pointing at a certain child Tinker.

As Clockblocker dived for Flechette so that he could freeze her and grab the pencil case Taylor's eyes zeroed in on a certain shrunk Tinker. A certain Tinker that was standing over one of her dissected TECHNO BOTS with an exploded head, a tool wrench in hand and an oops expression on his face. As if he'd spilled milk on the floor or something. Taylor saw red.

"Kid Win…" She snarled as she stomped with fury towards said hero. She geared herself up for a good shouting. But then Kid Win dropped the wrench and shrunk back from her glare, terrified. And then broke down bawling.

She halted, her mouth agape.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry, it just looked really c-cool an'- an' I wanted t-to look inside it and then I g-got this really cool i-idea an' then Princess Umbra pushed me so my hand touched the wrong wire an' then it-it- please don't be mad at me, I'm so sorry!"

And then he clung to her leg.

Okay… The Child-Inator had only been supposed to change the body, not the mind. She had really fucked up.

Taylor reached down and awkwardly patted his head.

"There, there," she said.

"Um, TTQ?" Clockblocker called out.

Taylor decided that she would very benevolently ignore the new nickname and looked at him. And blinked with surprise. He was… being tied up by Princess Umbra? Clockblocker tried to freeze her, but she just went into her shadow state whenever he tried, easily running around him with a rope in hand.

"Help?"

After a short struggle Taylor gave up on getting Kid Win to let go of her leg without a crow bar and limped over to Clockblocker and Princess Umbra. Taylor took out her laser gun and waved it at Princess Umbra, who screamed and flinched away even though it hadn't even come close to hitting her. The thing was stuffed full of electronics, and of it touched her while she was in shadow state she'd be out like a light before you could say ouch. Taylor didn't even need to fire her gun for it to be a threat of great magnitude.

"That's right," Taylor nodded. "Now you'd better behave young lady, or else you'll be shown to the timeout corner." Okay, it was extremely weird to say that to the girl that had terrorized her from the day she entered high school.

She began untying Clockblocker as Princess Umbra disappeared, no doubt to go and terrorize someone else.

"Okay, I know this looks bad, but I can fix this. All I've got to do is fix up the Child-Inator, but it's pretty messed up from our earlier attack on it. It's gonna take me some hours, maybe a full day or two. You take care of the kids, I'll take care of the machine." She said as she freed Clockblocker.

"What? Are you insane!? You saw what happened just now, one of them took me down easily. What happens if they decide to band together to gang up on me? I'd be boned. I can't do this alone, TTQ."

"But I can't help you while I'm fixing the ray." Taylor pointed out.

"… Do you know any babysitters?"

4.10

Dennis sighed with frustration as the babysitter ran out sobbing after suffering the Tattletale's ten minute long presentation on why, how, how long, and with whom the babysitter's boyfriend had been cheating with, picking apart the boy's messages from the last two months and somehow turning them into sound evidence of her claim.

He picked up the phone again to dial another babysitter

"That's right my slave," Jailbird sang as the babysitter used her superior height to reach the cookie jar. "Give me what I crave."

Fingers shoved into his ears, Dennis walked briefly out of the lair to make a call for another babysitter.

"What do you mean you're a cat person!?" Bitch shouted as her dogs began to grow.

Dennis was already reaching for the phone as the babysitter ran screaming.

"Can I have dessert now?" Gallant asked.

"Not before you eat your vegetables-" A beam of colored light hit the babysitter.

"What about now?"

"NO OF COURSE NOT I AM SO ANGRY!"

Beam.

"Now?"

The babysitter was too busy crying to say.

Beam.

"Now?"

"Yes! I am so happy for you, I am happy for everyone, everyone should be happy, and everyone should have ice cream, because happiness is what matters in the end."

Dennis called another babysitter.

"Have you met my friend?" The little girl in the Imp costume said.

She was gesturing at something very boring… no, it was nothing. An imaginary friend? How cute!

"No, I can't say I have. What's her name?"

"Browbeat's a boy!" Imp stomped her foot.

"Of course he is," the babysitter said indulgingly.

"You're not taking us seriously." The girl said.

"Yes I am, don't be-" She stopped talking and blinked. Who was she talking to?

Dennis didn't remember why, but he picked up the phone.

Dennis began dialing the phone the second Princess Umbra grinned wickedly at the babysitter.

"Give me the remote. Adventure Time's on." Kid Win said.

"No, I'm watching the news." The babysitter said dismissively.

"Give. Me. The. Remote." Kid Win raised a game controller threateningly.

"I. Am. Watching. The. News." The babysitter replied.

Kid Win pressed start. A big shiny robot appeared behind him. With a big shiny gun.

"He's got seven different transformations and fourteen different settings on his gun." Kid Win grinned viciously. "Adventure time. Now."

Dennis called another babysitter. Incidentally, they watched Adventure Time while they waited.

"You take karate lessons?" Grue asked.

"Yeah, I just said that. I'm pretty much the strongest guy in my class." The babysitter bragged.

"Fight me," Grue said and took a fighting stance.

"What? Kid, you're five. I'd crush you." The babysitter raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Then fight me. You've got nothing to lose."

"Look, kid-"

"Coward."

"… Oh, it's on."

Dennis made sure Grue hadn't broken any bones, and then he broke out the phone.

"-and that's why you shouldn't pull Imp's hair, Regent. It's very childish of you." At that the babysitter marched Regent off towards the dreaded time out corner.

"If you help me I'll convince Gallant to play Patty Cake with you." Regent whispered as they passed Vista.

"Miss Babysitter?" Vista said innocently.

"That's not my name, Vista. And I know your name isn't Vista. But what is it?"

"I, um, can't reach my medicine. Mommy said I had to take it each hour. It's on top of the fridge. Could you get it for me?" She simpered tearfully.

"Oh, of course, just a second,"

That second ended up taking nearly an hour. The trip from the living room to the kitchen was a bit longer than anticipated.

Dennis made another call.

"I wanna see the pretty lady." Flechette whined.

"Would you shut up about the pretty lady already? Do you have any idea how much hiring Parian for even an hour costs?"

"I WANNA SEE THE PRETTY LADY!"

"TOO BAD! WE'RE NOT SEEING THE PRETTY LADY!"

Dennis tackled Flechette the second she picked up a butter knife she'd found in the kitchen.

"THAT'S IT!" Clockblocker shouted as he banged open the workshop doors.

"What?" Dinah asked as she handed THE TECHNO QUEEN the tool she'd asked for. Her Kidnapee Card hadn't been punched in yet, but THE TECHNO QUEEN had promised that she'd do so as soon as the current crisis was resolved.

"I can't do this alone, I need help! And not normal help! The only people that can look after Parahuman children are other Parahumans! And it can't just be me and Dinah, if she would actually help me! I know THE TECHNO QUEEN doesn't need your help; she's got the TECHNO BOTS for handing her tools! Please, we need to call in the cavalry." Clockblocker pleaded.

Dinah flushed when he called her out. It was true, she was needed more out there than in here in the workshop. But was it so strange that she was scared of taking care of a crowd of powerful Parahumans with all the self-restraint of children?

"All right," THE TECHNO QUEEN said, nodding, and Clockblocker's shoulders slumped with relief. "Give me the phone."

While THE TECHNO QUEEN was on the phone, Dinah helped Clockblocker wrangle the children to the best of her abilities.

"Okay, shitty news: a villain group called the Teeth has come to challenge Sheriff Lung. They've got the Butcher and a few Parahumans along with a bunch of normal goons, so it's taking Sheriff Lung and almost the entire local Protectorate to take care of those guys, so we can't go to Clockblocker's guys for help nor Sheriff Lung either." THE TECHNO QUEEN said ten minutes later.

"Fuck," Clockblocker said.

"What about the pretty lady?" Flechette said hopefully.

"What?" Dinah said.

"Parian! She's a Parahuman and you're looking for a Parahuman and Parian's super nice and pretty and perfect and we should totally go see her." Flechette said all this in one breath, impressively enough.

"That might actually work. Parian would want to help her girlfriend, after all." Clockblocker said.

"So I can see the pretty lady!?" Flechette bounced up and down excitedly.

"Yes, if you give us your phone." Dinah said with a flash of an idea.

She gave it over without a second of hesitation. Dinah scrolled through the contacts list until she found Parian's number.

"What are you doing?" THE TECHNO QUEEN asked.

"Asking her where she is with a text," Dinah answered.

"All right," THE TECHNO QUEEN said as she internally cursed that she had never programmed the TECHNO BOTS to be able to handle children, especially empowered children. "Clockblocker help me round up the children."

The phone buzzed near instantly.

"It says here that she's about to do a gig at some kid's birthday party." Dinah said.

"Did she say the address?" THE TECHNO QUEEN asked.

Dinah nodded.

"All right then. Dinah, Clockblocker, kids: it looks like it's time for us to gatecrash a party."