Merlin couldn't breathe. His mind went a million miles per hour and he was so thankful that his body had gotten used to his hangovers so he didn't feel like walking into traffic. Arthur seemed to have taken the worse of hangover effects and coupled with the absolute terror that he could see in his eyes, Merlin knew Arthur was close to throwing up.

He was proved right when Arthur suddenly jerked, his hand clapping over his mouth.

Merlin moved quickly, grabbing the trashcan beneath his desk to toss it to Arthur, knowing he wouldn't last to the bathroom. Arthur heaved, curling up into the trash can, his free hands still bunching the bedsheets above his hips. Usually, whenever Merlin hooked-up, he went to the other person's place and on the rare occasion someone came over to his, they were usually gone by the time Merlin woke up. And now, faced with a naked man who was throwing up in his bed, Merlin's brain short-circuited.

He cleared his throat. "Um, the bathroom's third door on the left." Merlin yanked open his dresser and pulled on some sweats, suddenly aware of the fact he was stark naked. "Your clothes are on the floor somewhere. I'll let you freshen up."

Without another word. Merlin turned and slipped out of his room, leaving his possible murderer alone. Merlin cursed, rubbing his cheeks roughly as he made his way to the kitchen. Of all the people to hook up with.

Merlin had nearly finished his pancakes when Arthur crept into the main room. Dressed in rumpled clothes and his hair disarray. His eyes were bloodshot and he walked with a slight limp that had implications Merlin couldn't wrap his mind around. Merlin pushed a plate towards him. "Pancakes?"

Arthur stared at the food as if he'd never seen pancakes before and then looked back up at Merlin. Merlin has never hated his habit of baking when he was panicked more. "No thanks."

Merlin had to stop himself from letting out an undignified squeak. If he thought Arthur's voice was attractive the night before, it was nothing on his morning voice. Merlin couldn't remember anything past bringing Arthur home but his words from last night were finally registering.

I wanted to apologize for earlier. I swear to you that I mean you no harm.

Merlin sat down, cursing himself again for not getting a shirt when he left in his rush. He stuffed one of his pancakes in his mouth and didn't dare try to start the conversation. For a while, it seemed Arthur didn't have any intention either. Merlin was on his third pancake—they were small pancakes— when Arthur spoke up.

"I'm sorry. For last night."

Merlin froze. He was apologizing? Swallowing quickly he replied. "What? No. I-i kind of forced you. I'm not sure what you remember but I'm sorry I made you get drunk when you didn't want to. I would never—"

"Shut up, Merlin." Arthur rolled his eyes, almost fondly. "You didn't force me to do anything. I'm a grown man and I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions. Yeah, you were no help but you're not entirely to blame."

Merlin chewed on his lip, tracing his hand over the table. "I'm sorry, too. About yesterday afternoon? At the shop? I kind of freaked out and I—"

"Hey, no. You're fine. We're a large group and I never realized how creepy we must have been. But I promise that none of us wish to harm you. We just wanted to be your friend."

"I understand that but I don't think you can. I'm leaving." The moment the words left Merlin's mouth he regretted it. He wasn't planning on telling anyone that he was leaving. He didn't see the point.

Arthur frowned. "Leaving?"

"Yeah. I'm not sure what Morgana and Elyan have told you but I move around a lot and it's time I pack up and leave. I'm basically set to go off to Cambridge anyway."

Arthur scoffed. "That's bullshit. You can't just leave, Merlin. What about us?"

Merlin tilted his head. "Excuse me? I don't even know you, Arthur. I've barely known Elyan and Morgana for a month and I don't think that it's best to continue that. It's better for everyone involved."

Arthur opened his mouth and then closed it before speaking again. "When?"

Merlin tried his hardest to ignore the crack in Arthur's voice. The crack in his own heart at the thought of leaving these people. He might have only known them for a couple of weeks but Merlin was more attached than he liked to admit. Hell, he didn't even know the man sitting before him but the thought of leaving him sent shudders through Merlin. He forced himself to keep talking. "Next week."

Arthur was silent. After a moment, he jerked up, the chair screeching against the floor. "I have to go. This-this was a mistake. I'm sorry."

And before Merlin could even stand up, the door was swinging shut behind Arthur.

-0-o-0-

Gwaine barely ever saw Morgana before she betrayed Camelot. The two weren't close but he had always thought that had things been different, the two would've been the most chaotic pair in Camelot. And how Gwaine loves chaos. The two were similar in that way. Both put up confident exteriors though they were sensitive in reality. Both loved a challenge and never backed down from one.

The only time Gwaine really interacted with Morgana is when she had made him fight for food to give to Gaius when they were trapped in Camelot's dungeons. He could still see Morgana stalk forward and curl her hands around bars, giving Gwaine a daring look that in a different universe, Gwaine could've fallen in love with.

Gwaine, so handsome, so selfless. Of course, you shall have some supper, as long as you're prepared to sing for it.

In different circumstances, the game would've been fun. With Gwaine fighting and Morgana upping the stakes with every look. But it wasn't fun. Because Gauis was back at the cell dying. Because Arthur and Merlin and everyone else was out there fighting to be able to come back home.

Someone came up behind him and settled beside him on the ground. Gwaine didn't turn to see who it was. He instead kept his gaze on the horizon, watching the sky and clouds shift as the minutes ticked by.

"We scared off Merlin."

Gwaine snorted. "I heard."

Morgana nodded, curling her hands around her shins. "I was planning on talking to Percival first. To, you know, get the hard part over with."

Gwaine let out a bitter snort. "The hard part."

"Yeah. I mean I did kill his boyfriend. There's a reason Mordred isn't here, you know."

Gwaine finally looked up at Morgana. "What does Mordred have to do with anything."

"Mordred killed Arthur. You think it's a coincidence that I'm here and he's not?" Morgana dropped her head forward so it rested on her knees. She looked so small when curled up.

"Merlin." Gwaine realized. "Merlin didn't let Mordred come back."

"Whether it was a conscious decision or not. Merlin had something to do with the fact that he isn't here."

Gwaine hummed softly. "Alright. So you think I would be easier to talk to."

"Arthur and I are cooperating."

"Yeah, well. You and Arthur have a wildly different relationship than you and I." Gwaine said, digging his fingers into the dirt.

Morgana tilted her head to face Gwaine. "You're right. I'm not going to apologize for killing you. Of course, all you did do is lead me to my own death but I don't regret it."

"Why not? What did you accomplish from killing me?"

Morgana's lips curled into something a bit more sinister. "Merlin. He was already suffering from the loss of Arthur. I wonder how he felt when he knew that you had died as well. You two were very close after all."

"That's why you don't regret it. Because you wanted Merlin to suffer?"

"He may have dedicated his life to protect Arthur but he still considered you all his closest friends. He still held himself responsible for all of your lives."

Gwaine always knew that Morgana hated Merlin but somehow hearing it right from her lips that she wanted Merlin to suffer sent a shockwave through his body. He couldn't imagine anyone hating Merlin so much. "You seem to know Merlin pretty well."

Morgana laughed. "I did. I do. I may not know everything but I was one of his closest friends for the longest time. I'd like to think I picked up a thing or two about him."

"And yet you never found out about who he truly was until the last minute, hmm?" Gwaine snarked out, part of him wanting to see Morgana lose her almost innocent composure.

Morgana simply stared at Gwaine. "No," she agreed. "But you didn't find out until after you died was it? I heard you escorted him to the Crystal Cave for him to get his magic back. And he still didn't tell you what he was doing."

A wave of bitterness crashed over Gwaine. He'd been trying not to think about that until Merlin was back. He liked to think that Merlin was one of his closest friends. He was one of the only people he told about his father and his past noble life. He put all of his trust in Merlin and to learn that that trust wasn't returned hurt. Especially since the secret was magic. Gwaine had essentially grown up around magic and yet he trusted Lancelot more than he'd ever trust Gwaine.

Morgana's gaze bored into him and Gwaine got the feeling she knew exactly what was running through his mind. Morgana leaned forward until her lips were barely touching his ear. "That betrayal you're feeling? Multiply that by hundreds and maybe you'll understand how I felt."

"It doesn't matter how betrayed I am. I would never turn on him as you did." Gwaine's voice was nothing but a harsh whisper.

"No? What if you had magic? What if you grew up in a kingdom where your own father executes people who are like you? What if you grew up knowing that your own family would kill you without a second thought if they knew who you were? What you stumbled across Merlin and confided in him, hoping for some support, some relief. Something to tell you that you're not alone. And what does he do? He pushes you away."

Gwaine turned on Morgana. "That's not fair. Merlin was going through the same thing as you. I'm sure he tried his best to help you but you can't blame him for not telling you about his own magic."

Morgana frowned. "Oh? You're telling me that you don't think Merlin should have told you. That you understand why he didn't tell you?" She let out a harsh laugh. "Don't kid yourself, Gwaine. You wish with all your heart that he told you and trusted you. Don't look me in the eye and say that you don't blame him."

Before Gwaine could reply, Gwen came running out of the shelter. "Where's Merlin?"

Percival and Lancelot were right on her heels. Percival said, "I saw him with Merlin yesterday but when I looked back the two of them were gone. I assumed that he would come back later but I fell asleep and he's still not here. Where were you last night, Gwaine?"

Gwaine pulled away from Morgana. "I didn't feel like working. I was just out exploring. You're saying that Merlin was at the pub? Our pub?"

Gwen groaned, pacing across the grass. "Apparently the two got drunk so god knows what they're doing right now. They could be anywhere."

Gwaine blinked. "They got drunk? Together?"

"Yes, Gwaine." Lancelot snapped. "Are you deaf?"

"Are you stupid?" Gwaine retorted. "Two men, both of whom are in love with the other, consciously or unconsciously, drunk and alone in a pub? What do you think they're doing?"

Lancelot froze, scandalized. "What? They are not—

"Guys!" Arthur's voice echoed across the area and everyone looked up to see Arthur jog over to them. "I—"

"Arthur Pendragon." Gwen snapped. "Where the hell have you been? You said you would be home before 11 last night."

Arthur panted, wiping sweat from his forehead. "I know. Mer—"

Gwaine whistled loudly. "Come on, guys. Same rumpled clothes, looking he ran all the way from Merlin's place? Princess out here doing the walk of shame while we freaked over where he is."

Arthur flushed. "Walk of shame?"

Gwaine shot him a cocky smirk. "Are you trying to tell me that you didn't just sleep with Merlin?"

"You what?" Gwen thundered, glaring at Arthur whose hands shot up in surrender.

"Ok, look. I don't want to talk about it. That's not important. Merlin's leaving."

Morgana sat up, paying attention for the first time. "He told me about that. He's saving money up or something to go to college. What a bullshit excuse."

Arthur gaped at Morgana. "You knew he was leaving? And you didn't tell us?"

"Calm down, little brother. When is he moving?"

Arthur seemed close to pulling his hair out. "Next week. He said- he said he's already started packing up his stuff and it's best if we don't get any closer to him since he's not planning on returning or something." Arthur paced up and down the grass. "He accepted my apology but said we couldn't be friends and he can't leave. We're so close to getting him back and if he leaves then everything we've is for no use. Merlin's never going to come back he's going to live the rest of eternity walking around like a fool with no idea of what he doesn't remember and—"

Leon was up and over to Arthur in an instant. Gwaine started at the sudden movement. He hadn't realized when Leon and Elyan came out. Leon gripped Arthur's shoulders and spoke in a soft voice. "Woah. Hey, there. Deep breaths, that's it. Come on, Arthur. Breath with me."

But Arthur wasn't. He didn't seem to get any air into his lungs and was choking out incoherent mumbled about Merlin and pale skin and hangovers and Gwaine internally cheered that he was right. Arthur coughed, falling to the ground. Gwaine stood up, worry slowly taking over. "Arthur—"

Morgana pushed herself to her feet and pushed Leon away from Merlin. "Come on, Arthur. Let's go. Don't choke yourself to death."

Morgana hauled Arthur inside and the door swung shut behind them.

There was dead silence before Gwaine spoke up. "Should one of us go in there to make sure Morgana doesn't kill Arthur."

"Don't be stupid, Gwiane." Gwen snapped, still looking pissed off. "Morgana's helping him. She's changed."

"I hate to break it to you, sweetheart" Gwaine ignored Lancelot's sharp look at the pet name. "But she really hasn't. Just because she's not actively trying to flay him alive doesn't mean she's changed."

"It's at least an improvement," Gwen said sharply. "And call me 'sweetheart' again and Arthur's life won't be the only one in danger."

-0-o-0-

Elyan knocked on Merlin's door, praying to all the gods that Arthur had given the right directions. The door swung open and revealed Merlin. He was dressed in sweats and his hair was in disarray. "Elyan? Oh my god. Please tell me Arthur didn't send you here."

Elyan offered a weak smile. "No, he didn't. He did give me your address but I didn't come to talk about him. I wanted to run something by you."

Merlin hesitantly let him in and shut the door behind him. "What did Arthur tell you?"

Elyan shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Nothing really. Just spewed an incoherent mess before rushing inside. Anyway, there's this place that I've always wanted to visit. People say it's the most beautiful lake in the area but apparently, it's sealed off from the public."

Merlin froze. "Lake?"

"Yeah. I think it was called Lake Laucas? The one you drew in your sketchbook." Elyan said, digging his nails into his palms in a desperate attempt to keep himself from backtracking.

"It's a beautiful lake. I don't see what it has to do with me, though."

"Well, we wanted a guide. I'm told it's half an hour away by drive and we wanted to walk there. That would be almost a two-hour walk and I was thinking that maybe you could get to know my friends?" Elyan asked.

Merlin laughed. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea. I have things to do so I can't just go for a four-hour walk round trip to bond with people."

Elyan sat down. "I'll be honest, Merlin. I've never met anyone like you. Ever. You became such a big part of my life in such little time and I know we haven't known each other for long but you can't say you don't feel the same way. I feel like I've known you forever."

Elyan watched Merlin swallow roughly and glance at the floor. He pushed on. "You're planning on leaving. I know. But just let me get to know you a bit more. I know Arthur wants to. After we come back, you can leave. You can pack up your stuff and get out of here and never talk to us again. That's okay. All I'm asking for is one last day. And we'll all be out of your hair. I promise."

Merlin was silent. As the seconds ticked by Elyan started to get more and more fidgety but he refused to leave. Elyan could tell that Merlin was warring with himself. He couldn't pretend to know what it felt like for Merlin. To have all these strangers come begging for him to take them out for a day. But Elyan knew that there was part of him that remembered them. Elyan knew that that was the only reason Merlin hadn't already left. They had to use that to their advantage. If Morgana was right and being around the lake could spark his memory, then Merlin doesn't even have to leave.

It was the trip to the lake that Elyan was worried about. Merlin ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Elyan…"

"Please. The Lake of Avalon. That's all I'm asking for."

Merlin rubbed his cheeks and studied Elyan for a moment before replying. "Okay."

The moment the words left his mouth, Merlin seemed to want to take it back, like he hadn't thought he would say it out loud. But it was too late. "Okay! That's great. Just drop by the shelter tomorrow morning, yeah?"

Merlin gave a shaky grin. "Yeah, ok."

Elyan gave his most reassuring look before leaving and shutting the door behind him. Sagging against the wood, he let out a relieved breath.

It wasn't until later that day, Merlin realized what exactly Elyan had asked of him. The Lake of Avalon. That's all I'm asking for. Merlin knew it was Lake Laucus, not Avalon, but for some reason, he had agreed, not bothering to correct Elyan. But the more Merlin thought about it, the more Laucus started to seem more and more fake. And Avalon started to carve a path through his mind that hadn't been uncovered in centuries.

-0-o-0-