5.1

Parian's left eye twitched as the little Antichrist- little angel, she meant, tore the doll apart at the seams.

"I DON'T WANT A UNICORN DOLLY!" She shrieked.

"But that's what you asked for," Parian said.

"BUT NOW I WANT A PEGASUS DOLLY, JANE GOT A PEGASUS DOLLY AND THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY!"

"Fine," she said, gritting her teeth, and began to sow the girl another doll for the fourth time. Fuck, some times she really hated her job.

And then the birthday cake that looked big enough to hide a stripper in exploded.

"Super Awesome Robo Gun Setting 1: Cake Seeking Missile!" A boy's voice rang out and Parian turned to see a five year old child in a Kid Win costume riding on a colorful robot's shoulder. And he stood in a group of other five year olds, all of them dressed up to look like the Wards and Dastardly Techies, the ones dressed up like the Techno Queen and Clockblocker adults, although one of the kids was older than the rest and wasn't wearing a costume. Some kindergartner class's field trip? Wait, why would a kid dressing up like Kid Win have a robot that had a cake seeking missile? Who the fuck even had cake seeking missiles!?

"Pretty lady!" The one dressed up like Flechette squealed happily and ran towards Parian. Parian's leg was introduced to a passionate embrace.

The one dressed up like the Techno Queen posed.

"Fair Parian, we have come to you, seeking your help!"

"Um, well, I'm kind of busy with this party." She said numbly.

The woman that Parian was rapidly beginning to suspect wasn't just dressed up like the Techno Queen with a sinking feeling in her stomach nodded with understanding.

"Of course, I understand, I know how it is to be tied up by prior arrangements."

Parian began to calm down.

"Children, I will give you great amounts of chocolate if you ruin this party beyond salvation."

"CHOCOLATE!" The children screamed their war cry and charged.

"HOW DARE YOU!?" The birthday girl had finally recovered from her shock at seeing her cake destroyed beyond recognition. "YOU UGLY STUPID JERKS! YOU'RE ALL DUMB MEANIES, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU ARE ESPECIALLY AN IDIOT, YOU DUMB COW, YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE A GOOD DOLLY-"

The young girl that Parian was beginning to realize with horror was most likely the real Flechette pounced on the spoiled little brat and began pulling at her hair with a shriek of fury.

And then the rest of the Cape children reached them and revealed that, yep, these were one hundred percent the real deal, thank you, and oh by the way, Parian? You will never be hired for anything ever again after this. That's right.

Clockblocker and the Techno Queen walked up to her.

"So, want to get some punch while we wait or- oh, too late, looks like the kids got it. Oh well, I guess we'll just talk." The Techno Queen said casually.

Parian twitched as she watched the Cape Children attack the buffet table.

"Why does Kid Win have a cake seeking missile?" Clockblocker said.

"I think it's to help him look for cake." The Techno Queen said.

Ah, they were descending upon the bouncy castle now…

"That's a bit counterintuitive, don't you think?" Clockblocker said.

And now they were turning the Pin the Donkey station into a Pin the Brat station…

"Not if he's not above picking the crumbs off the floor. And we both know he's not." The Techno Queen replied.

And now the face painter was trussed up in rope like a turkey and the Cape Children were putting war paint on their faces…

"True. Hey, so I'm thinking after this we go and check out The Dark Lady Plagg's place? I don't think we'll have enough babysitting power even with me, Dinah, and Parian looking after them."

And now they'd 'liberated' the pony that the kids were taking turns riding on, turning it into a 'war stallion'…

"Yes, good idea. I tried to call her today but her phone was turned off."

And now they'd taken the clown hostage, demanding the sweets they knew were inside the house, or else they'd… do things…

"Well, I think this is about enough, don't you?" Clockblocker said.

Wrapping paper rained down from the sky as they looked for anything they might like on the gift table.

"Yes, I think this is enough." The Techno Queen cleared her throat. "Children! That's quite enough! You'll get your chocolate tonight for being such good villainous little monsters!"

"I'm ruined…" Parian mumbled as the Techno Queen looped her arms around one of Parian's and Flechette latched herself onto her leg.

"Quite. Have you looked into alternative careers possibilities? Perhaps something more down my alley…" The Techno Queen began her sales pitch silkily.

When Victoria opened the door she did not expect to see… what she saw.

"Hello! The Dark Lady Plagg wouldn't happen to be here, would she?" The Techno Queen said chirpily.

And then a five year old in a Gallant costume latched onto her leg.

"Yeah, they do that." A costumed woman Victoria recognized as the rogue Parian said, nodding to her own little leg leech. The Techno Queen nodded in agreement.

"Vicky! I wanna buy you shiny stuff cuz' you're so nice and pretty." The kid said.

"You are definitely going to be popular with the ladies when you grow up." Victoria said.

Clockblocker cleared his throat.

"Oh, right, no, she's not here. She had to go visit a cancer conference in Illinois." Victoria said as she began trying to shake the kid off her leg.

"But we need as much as help as we can get!" Clockblocker despaired.

"Too bad, so sad," Victoria said. She was practically using her super strength to make the kid let go and he still wasn't budging an inch.

"84.3971 percent chance he's not going to let go unless you come with us and stick with us until this is resolved." A young not costumed girl said, and Victoria recognized her as Dinah Alcott, the girl who'd recently come into the record books for Most Frequently Kidnapped in a Short Span of Time.

"So our situation is helped anyways! Come with us, Glory Girl, and help us take care of the kidified Capes until I can repair the Child-Inator!" The Techno Queen boomed.

Victoria froze.

"… Did you just say kidified Capes?" She said carefully.

"You're mad." Her Gallant said with the big blinking innocent doe eyes of a five year old child.

5.2

Taylor frantically teleported. The street was full with her dramatic smoke and it helped hide her position as Glory Girl flew above the street, searching for her. Gallant was still clinging to her leg.

"Calm down, Glory Girl, I was merely trying to fulfill my quota of weekly villainous deeds!" She tried, and wow, she was really off her game today, because that was not a calming sentence at all.

A wave of fear came over her and she teleported again as Glory Girl dove towards the place where she'd heard the sound of her voice.

"Glory Girl, holy shit, it's not permanent!" Clockblocker shouted and that finally made her calm down and let go of the shit-your-pants aura. Fractionally.

In hindsight, maybe she should have begun with that reassurance.

"Oh yeah? When will it wear off then?" She called out, obviously still angry.

"When I get to finish repairing the Child-Inator!" Taylor yelled, hoping that this would encourage certain urges like, say, sparing her.

"Help me and Clockblocker look after the kids while she fixes it and everyone will be normal again before tomorrow!" Dinah said.

Glory Girl hesitated for a moment, but then she nodded and lowered herself to the ground. Taylor teleported back to the group, and if she just so happened to teleport behind Clockblocker, well, that was just coincidence. Totally not hiding. These are not the droids you are looking for. Nope.

"I still don't feel like this is enough…" Clockblocker said.

"Clockblocker, my valiant foe, you'll have three Parahumans to assist you! Do not be cowardly." Taylor said.

"You weren't there. Please, just one or two more?" Clockblocker said.

"I don't know…"

"79.9462 percent chance the children will get out of control and escape if we continue with our current number." Dinah said.

God damn it.

"Ugh, fine. I have one last wicked ally to visit!"

Clockblocker handed her the phone.

"No, no, my sweet- I MEAN HATED, foe." Taylor was really happy for her helmet right then, her face was so red. "A mere phone call would not be dramatic enough by far."

"What, are you even aware of the situation here? Screw dramatic, we have to fix this." Glory Girl said.

Taylor sighed. She just didn't get it.

"No, Glory Girl, THE TECHNO QUEEN's right. There are just some things you don't do. Calling someone to quickly solve a problem when you can barge into their secret lair, dramatically banging doors open and making speeches is one of them. Have some class." Clockblocker said.

Taylor smiled. He got it.

"You people are ridiculous." Glory Girl said with resignation.

"Let us go and breach the Dragons Nest!" Taylor said.

"Sounds like a pub," Glory Girl said.

"It's not!"

"Still sounds like it,"

"Collin…"

"Dragon…"

"It won't fit."

"Yes it will. I always make it fit."

"There's too much, there's no more room."

"What if I-"

"No! You'll break it! I spent so much time building it, please be delicate. The hours I spent wiring the thousands of nerves in, so it would be extra sensitive, just for you…"

"I'm going to go ahead and do it."

"Collin, no- DAMN IT COLLIN I TOLD YOU YOU'D BREAK IT!"

"I'm sorry!"

Evil Dragon threw the wrench down in anger. She'd made that suit just for him, it was going to be an artwork of sheer precision, but noooo, his stupid Tinker specialty made him think that he had to cram in more things into it, until, surprise, surprise, he touched the wrong thing and now the whole left leg from the knee down was lost. Evil Dragon sighed as she began to calm down. It wasn't his fault. He meant well. She turned around and embraced him (she could embrace people!).

"It doesn't matter. We can rebuild it. We have the technology. We can make him better than he was."

"Better, stronger, faster." Collin picked up the quote.

It was so romantic how they both liked the same movies!

And then an alert beeped in her consciousness. Someone had just breeched the perimeter to the Dragon's Nest, teleporting en masse right outside the door. It looked like a whole bunch of children, some teenagers, and- ah, her. Evil Dragon deactivated her automatic defenses.

She slipped out of her hug with Collin and pointed a Tinker gun at him, for appearances sake. She didn't really care if everyone who mattered knew about it already; she was a stickler for sticking to a code, even if it was one given to her by a silly teenage super villain. At least thanks to said villain she could stick to the code out of her own free will.

The doors banged open dramatically.

"Evil Dragon, my dark ally! I have come here today to-" And then she noticed that Evil Dragon was holding Collin on gun point. "O-Oh dear! I didn't mean to interrupt a private moment, I am so sorry, I was just-"

"Stop acting like they're making out, Techno." Glory Girl. "She's, um, just holding a gun to his head. You are holding a gun to his head."

"We really didn't mean to interrupt your usurping, we can come back-" The Techno Queen said.

"Wait, you think this is roman- wait, of course you do. Carry on." Dinah Alcott said.

Clockblocker was suspiciously quiet. Evil Dragon's heat vision told her that his face was especially hot, as if he were blushing.

"We need your help. The Wards and the Dastardly Techies have been transformed into children and we need your help looking after them while the Techno Queen fixes the ray so that we can change them back." Parian said.

"Yes." Evil Dragon said.

"No." Collin said at the same time.

They looked at each other.

"I mean, if it's okay with you, sure, let's do it." He backpedaled, obviously desperate not to start a fight with her. Evil Dragon suppressed a smile at how adorable and thoughtful he was.

"Let's get to it, then."

"OW! Auntie Dragon, Princess Umbra BIT me!" Grue said, running up to her.

"No, but, he, but, HE HIT ME FIRST!" Princess Umbra shouted, running up to them.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Nu uh!"

"Yeah uh!"

"Enough! Calm down, you two, make up, and be friends." Evil Dragon said.

"I'll never be friends with her!"

"Friends are lame and useless!"

"I don't want to hear talk like this." An idea presented it to her and she grinned (because she had teeth!). "This calls for a punishment."

They wilted.

"You will be forced to watch TV."

They gasped happily.

"Specifically, you will be forced to watch the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic marathon that's on tonight. Have fun."

They groaned.

Bitch watched as Regent pulled Imp's hair again. It was a playful tug that didn't hurt much, more for attention than anything. But Bitch knew that people reacted explosively to anything violent in any way and expected a huge reaction. But then Imp turned around, punched him lightly in the arm, and giggled. Typical. She reads them right for once and then she convinces herself that her first instinct is wrong. Why did people have to be so unpredictable?

"Technology's easier," The big man sitting on the chair next to her grumbled ands she looked at him. His name was Armsmaster.

"Doggies are easier." She argued.

She then held out Angelica, one of her puppies, soft and cuddly, out to Armsmaster. She glared at him expectantly until he took it. He held it awkwardly until he looked at her and mirrored her position with Brutus, settling Angelica down in his lap. She yipped happily when he cautiously scratched her behind one floppy ear.

After awhile he handed her a sleek looking phone.

"The PIN number's the year Scion was spotted." He said.

She typed it in and then she began experimenting with the apps. It was hard, but satisfying whenever she discovered something new that made things easier.

Armsmaster, carefully poking and prodding at the puppy, felt basically the exact same way.

"Plushies for EVERYONE!" Parian said as her needle threaded itself.

The kids cheered.

"Do you want a third scoop of ice cream, Jailbird?" Evil Dragon asked.

"Everyone else just got two," She whispered, wide eyed.

"Yes, but you're a special little girl." Evil Dragon said, remembering putting Paige in the PRT issued van.

Jailbird got a third scoop of ice cream. And extra chocolate sauce too.

"Vista's glaring at Glory Hole cuz' she likes Gallant!" Tattletale said as she ran up to Dinah.

"Shut up, no I don't! Stop being such a Tattletale!" Vista said, running up to Dinah as well.

"Regent keeps pulling Imp's hair! Imp's imaginary friend is real! Armsmaster and Evil Dragon are special friends! Clockblocker and THE TECHNO QUEEN like-"

"Tattletale, Vista, stop talking. Holy crap, I knew it was a bad idea to give everyone ice cream. You guys have already had so much damn sugar today. Vista, go and… I don't know, play with Kid Win. Tattletale, come here."

The girls parted with a glare but Vista crossed the room in a single step to play with Kid Win and Tattletale sat down next to Dinah.

"She is right, you know. You don't have to be such a, heh, Tattletale." Dinah said.

"You should always tell the parents when you know your siblings are doing something." She said stubbornly. "Or else bad things happen."

"You must have had some strict parents. Come on, let's go and play chess. I know we always get a headache afterwards but you're the only other person who's a challenge." Dinah said.

Tattletale brightened up at this.

"You too, huh?" Victoria heard a voice say and she looked up to see Parian sitting down next to her.

"Me too, what?" she asked.

Parian pointed down at her leg and Victoria saw a mini Flechette happily clutching Parian's leg.

"Oh. Yeah. Significant other stuck to your leg all day too, huh?"

"Yep,"

Silence.

"Um… I'm not the only one who kind of feels like a pedophile, right?" Victoria said.

"Oh, I am so with you on that one. I don't think I'll be able to go to second base with Flechette for a long time."

"Definitely. I'm sorry to say that Gallant will be going to the dog house for awhile after this, poor thing."

"Yeah."

Silence, again.

"… Can't feel your leg?"

"Oh, fuck no. There's just dead meat there. The pins and needles are going to be monstrous."

They laughed.

Some TECHNO BOTS rolled the Child-Inator after her.

She walked into the living room.

"Okay guys, gather up, the ray's-" She stopped as the scene before her sunk in.

At the center of the couch, Armsmaster and Evil Dragon cuddled, asleep (she could sleep now!). Jailbird was sleeping in Evil Dragon's lap. A puppy was dozed in Armsmaster's lap. Parian and Glory Girl with their respective leg limpets sat next to them. Dinah slept drooling on Armsmaster, her arm slung around Tattletale's shoulders. Kid Win and Vista slept at Parian's and Glory Girl's feet respectively. Bitch slept by Armsmaster's feet, Brutus and Judas in her lap. Someone boring and forgetful, Imp, Regent, Grue, and Princes Umbra were all squeezed into one slumbering adorable pile on the other side of the foot of the couch. The screen was showing the end credits screen of that My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic show.

And to the side of it all there was Clockblocker, sleeping in an armchair, alone.

Taylor admitted to herself that she was not above snapping a few pics with her phone. Neither was she above tip toeing around the room as she set everything up, and then fired the beam while the Capes slept.

And she was not even slightly above squeezing her way into the armchair that Clockblocker was sleeping in, order the TECHNO BOTS to throw a blanket over everyone, turn off the lights, and call it a day, and then lie in the morning and say that she only slept there because everyone else was hogging up all the space at the couch, those selfish bastards.

5.3

The card was punched in for the fifth time. Dinah licked her lips. THE TECHNO QUEEN pressed a big red button on a remote she was holding with a flourish and unseen trumpets sang clearly through the throne room, small chute along the ceiling opening up to dump confetti and balloons.

"So the day has finally come, Dinah Alcott. I have now kidnapped you five times. You are expecting your promised prize now, yes?" THE TECHNO QUEEN said solemnly as a pink streamer landed on her shoulders.

Dinah nodded, heart beating. She had to admit, she hadn't thought much of it when her card had been punched in for the first time. But time and curiosity had made her anticipation grow until she felt she was bursting at the seams with eagerness.

"I will not draw this out for you any longer, fair Dinah Alcott. Grue, stop watching that pony show for a damn second and bring forth… the prize."

Triumph leaned his head into Armsmaster's workshop.

"Armsmaster? We've got an anonymous tip that some villains are going to hit the PRT lobby in ten minutes. Normally we'd just send the Wards in but we're not a hundred percent sure whether or not this is really the Techno Queen, so most of us have got to be there. You coming?"

"Sure," Armsmaster said absentmindedly from where he was busy tinkering with his halberd.

Triumph began to close the door when he heard a- was that a yip? He looked down at the floor to see a puppy. It was the single most adorable, fluffy puppy in existence, with soft chocolate colored eyes and downy white fur and floppy ears and a wagging tail and-

His vision was blocked by Armsmaster's body. Triumph looked up and into his threatening eyes.

"Mister Snugglekiller is mine." He growled.

"Snugglekiller?" Triumph said weakly.

"I and my arch nemesis came to a compromise. I'll be there in five minutes. Out."

"Hey, Sophia, get your mask on, there's going to be an attack in- is that My Little Pony?" Triumph gaped.

"-learned an important lesson about friendship-" The talking, Technicolor, anthropomorphic pony was interrupted by Sophia viciously jamming an arrow bolt into the screen.

"You are clearly delusion, Triumph. When did you say the attack will come?" She said serenely.

Triumph looked at the Cape, her expression that special type of calm that accompanied knives and blood and lots of screaming, and he thought better of calling her on her bluff.

"Five minutes…" He said weakly and then slammed the door, running down the hallway.

"How do I look?" Parian- no, she was the Velvet Villain now- asked anxiously.

She was wearing a dark Victorian style dress and a curled black wig. Sharp needles and black thread constantly hovered around her, diving and circling with predatory grace. She was sitting on a big black scorpion, a huge plushie spider standing next to her.

"Good," Bitch muttered, not even looking at her, so absorbed by her new phone. She still had enough time to take care of her dogs and give them love and attention… but it was kind of fun to have another new hobby.

"Regent, cease your scrap booking, we shall be teleporting in but a moment!" THE TECHNO QUEEN said.

"One second! What, I can't have my own hobbies now?" He said as he applied the glue to the page and pushed the picture on it.

"We all know those are just blackmail pictures, Regent." Tattletale said.

"Yes and the one I'm gluing in right now is one of you drooling on Dinah." He said as he applied some glitter for flair.

"You're in that picture too!" Tattletale said.

"Uh huh, right in the middle of a five year old Imp and Princess Umbra sandwich." He said as he fetched the lace. He had taste, after all.

"Yuck. And everyone knows that it was a Grue and Brow… someone sandwich you were in, don't even try, Regent." Tattletale said.

"Well, it's good that I swing both ways, isn't it?"

"They were five, Regent!"

"So was I,"

"And what about Imp?"

"She likes to watch."

Tattletale gagged and Grue looked acutely traumatized.

"And we're off!" THE TECHNO QUEEN said, activating the teleporter.

There was a gigantic poof of smoke in the PRT lobby and all of the collected heroes sighed with relief. So it was just THE TECHNO QUEEN. Thank god, it looked like they wouldn't have to worry about casualties today, at least.

The smoke cleared to reveal the usually suspects- and two more!? The heroes groaned. Didn't that damn villain group have enough members already?

Dinah suppressed a smile as she stepped forward tot eh front of the group, resisting the urge to run her hands over her new costume. Her prize: a place in the DASTARDLY TECHIES. Finally, she could stop being the damsel in distress and become one of the wicked villains. She wore a black turban, gloves, and dark robes, along with a blood red domino mask and accents to her costume in the same shade of red. She struck the pose that THE TECHNO QUEEN had drilled into her.

"Foolish mortals! It is I, The Dark Vizier, the Royal Advisor of THE TECHNO QUEEN herself and one of the newest members of the DASTARDLY TECHIES. Cower before my evil!" She said her rehearsed speech and smirked villainously.

"I've been replaced!?" Tattletale hissed when the thunderclap died down.

"Fear not, my Tattletale, it is possible to have more than one Royal Advisor, at least when you're someone as diabolical as I!" THE TECHNO QUEEN assured her.

Dinah opened her mouth to continue with her piece when suddenly Flechette gasped.

"Parian, is that you!?"

The other new villain stepped forward. Fine. Dinah would just have to wrap up her speech later. Not as if she was upset or anything. Hmph.

"Hi, Flechette…" She started uncertainly. She seemed to realize what she was doing and she cleared her throat, straightening her posture into something determined and confident. "But that is not my name any longer. You may call me the Velvet Villain."

"What- why!? Why are you all of a sudden a villain now!?"

"She gives really good health insurance. Like, really good."

"That's why you're a villain!?"

"And dental. And a retirement fund. And a ridiculous wage. And frequent holidays. I never said I wasn't greedy, Flechette."

There was a moment of shocked silence.

"… You get dental? We don't get dental. Hey, why don't we get dent-"

Yeah, if Flechette was already bitching about dental they'd be just fine. Dinah felt it was okay for her to interrupt this ensuing bitch fest before it could get off the ground.

"Triumph!" Her hero startled at being put under the spot light so suddenly. "Yes, you! Don't look so flabbergasted, you insipid little fish! I, The Dark Vizier, name you my archenemy!"

"Why!?"

"Because you're a dummy! And you steal gum!"

"Wait, how did you know about that!? Only I and my cousin know that!"

"Why, we tortured it out of her! Horribly!" THE TECHNO QUEEN jumped into the conversation.

"What!?" Triumph said, beginning to sound angry now.

"Um, yes, with tickle torture! We tickled it right out of her by applying a feather to her foot. Evilly, of course. She was begging for mercy by the end of it, tears streaming from her eyes. Mwa. Ha. Ha." Tattletale hurriedly said.

"Oh. Well, um, you won't get away with this? I guess?" Triumph said.

Dinah elbowed The Velvet Villain in the ribs and she startled to attention.

"Over our dead bodies! Flechette, I name you my archenemy!" The Velvet Villain declared.

"Attack!" THE TECHNO QUEEN roared, and they charged, and the heroes charged towards them as well.

Fighting, Dinah decides later that night as she flopped down on her bed, exhausted, but the good kind of exhausted, was fun.

5.4

Someone was screaming. A single enraged continuous note coming from somewhere in the lair. THE TECHNO QUEEN slammed open the doors of the living room of the lair where most of the DASTARDLY TECHIES were hanging out. Still screaming.

"WHAT!? WHAT IS IT!?" Grue shouted, hands over his ears.

"HOW DARE HE!? HOW DARE HE!?" THE TECHNO QUEEN screamed.

"PLEASE, YOUR MAJESTY, CALM DOWN! WHAT IS IT!?" Tattletale tried.

THE TECHNO QUEEN took a deep breath and seemed to shake in place with sheer rage, but at least she'd stopped screaming. She seemed speechless with rage.

"… Someone called you Not A Serious Villain again, didn't they?" Tattletale said, connecting the dots with dread.

THE TECHNO QUEEN nodded vigorously.

"What are you gonna' do?" Regent asked gleefully.

"Pack your bags." She hissed with barely contained malice. "We're going to Boston."

Blasto shuddered.

"What is it?" Igor, his most intelligent homunculi and lab assistant, asked.

"I don't know… It just felt like someone walked over my grave. Ah, probably nothing."

Accord choked on his tea.

"Sir?" Citrine asked with concern.

"I am fine, Citrine. I merely had an odd feeling of foreboding. It is probably nothing."

Weld stumbled and fell.

"Weld?" The PRT agent that he'd been sparring with said. "Are you okay? I didn't even touch you, there."

Weld got up shakily.

"I-It's nothing. Just had a bad feeling, is all."

"Um, Dennis?" Dean asked, concerned. "Your emotions flared up really weird for a moment there. Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah. I just had a really, really awesome feeling."

"What?"

"It's what you get when something seriously cool is about to happen." He said, rolling his eyes, his entire body language screaming duh.

"O…kay?"

"Right."

"You have been defeated yet again, Jack Junior! Through an alliance between me and my bitter rival, THE CLOCK PRINCE-"there was the sound of a spooky organ chord ringing through the air at the villain's name being uttered (a gift from his mother right before his Cape debut)-"we have bested you!" A sixteen year old girl that was obviously a Cape said, posing enthusiastically.

She had long, curly red hair, a modest amount of freckles, dark eyes, was tall for a girl her age, and wore a golden tiara with inlaid rubies, which matched her golden ruby scepter. She also wore red opera gloves, gold combat boots, a gold domino mask, red lipstick, and a red frilly princess dress with a golden sash about her waist, which held a sheathed broadsword. Red and gold: THE COLORS OF JUSTICE!

Next to her stood the aforementioned THE CLOCK PRINCE. He also looked to be sixteen, tall and gangly, pale, a head of black curls and blue eyes. He wore a silver and emerald circlet, which matched his scepter. He also wore a black prince costume with dark green accents, complete with poofy prince pants and a tiny little cape, and a black domino mask. He also wore a utility belt which was obviously stocked full of portable Tinker devices, and a necklace with a big clock on it. Black and green: THE COLORS OF EVIL!

Jack Junior, a rather normal looking boy with a simple costume (plain clothes and a domino mask) spat at her feet.

"Idiot. You and this stupid town have turned serious business, Cape business, into a game which you amuse yourself with. Posing, dramatic speeches which everyone politely waits to end before beginning their fighting again, easily solvable mysteries, paper-thin disguises, obvious secrets which no one speaks of, for example how Clockblocker and the Techno Queen are obviously married, how you two are obviously their children-"

"Slander!" THE CLOCK PRINCE cried out.

"-you are insulting what Cape life is, what it should be in this town. Violence. Death. Misery. Turning it into a joke. My father had the right idea, traveling across North America, spreading the message about what Cape life really is."

"Then if his message supposedly rang so true, then how come our moth- I mean THE TECHNO QUEEN-" thunder "-was able to defeat him so soundly, so utterly?" The girl said.

"Defeat? Defeat!? He drowned. It was happenstance, coincidence, and your mother took the credit for killing a man she would never be able to touch on her own."

There was a flash of something in his eyes that she couldn't decipher. THE BATTLE PRINCESS (for that was her Cape name) wished idly that she could make her power change itself, instead of waiting for when it decided that changing to this would inspire maximum drama. Such a strange power. Sometimes it changed into something that worked against her, just so that the, for lack of a better word, plot could be more interesting. Auntie Tattle theorized that it did this because her particular shard was experimenting with the idea whether or not more drama meant more conflict. If she could choose her power at will she would choose a Thinker power now, for she burned with curiosity at what Jack Junior was thinking.

"In fact, it was all because of her that this happened. Or rather, her and Clockblocker's union. It created you two after all, miserable wretches you are. But not any longer."

"What do you mean?" THE CLOCK PRINCE asked, only a hint of hesitation in his voice.

THE BATTLE PRINCESS had a bad feeling as well.

"I've acquired a partner, a teammate. Her power: the ability to travel back in time. And she's going to sabotage the moment your parents get together. You two will never be born, and my plan to destroy Brockton Bay today, this city large insult to true Cape life, will go as smoothly as it would have without your intervention. She's already traveling back." And then Jack Junior laughed. It wasn't a true Villain Laugh, but an ugly hateful one.

THE BATTLE PRINCESS's mouth dropped open in horror. And then she felt the faint tingling sensation in the back of her mind that told her that her power had deigned to give her a new power to deal with the situation. Some kind of Trump power perhaps? Something to stop Jack Junior's new teammate using her power? She studied her power more deeply. A… Tinker enhancement power? There were powers that enhanced all kinds of super powers, but as the felt it out she realized that it made more than up for its lesser broad uses with the sheer amount that the Tinker power would be boosted. A Tinker enhanced with this power would be unable to even vaguely comprehend the machines he or she had made while under its influence. What was her power trying to tell her…?

She looked at her twin little brother. He was a Tinker with a time specialization. And it clicked.

"…Not if we stop her," she said slowly.

"What?" THE CLOCK PRINCE said.

THE BATTLE PRINCESS used her power. Ideas bloomed in his mind and his pupils shrunk to pinpoints.

"…Oh."

5.6

Grue looked on in horror at the smoking crater of a building his boss had created in a matter of moments. Of course, he knew from her distracted muttering as she Tinkered and he handed her the tools she demanded that she had specifically built it to dramatically destroyany building it was shot at, and leave all people within covered in soot, their clothing torn in several places, their hair messy, and their minds a tad disoriented, as if they had just been rudely awoken from a deep sleep. Tinker tech was just complete and utter bullshit, honestly. Still, it was… startling? No, that word wasn't strong enough for this absolute annihilation she had wrought.

His thoughts were interrupted by a disoriented man in clothing that was torn up in several places, covered in soot, hair messy, stumbling outside of the wreckage. He came to a halt when he saw the Techno Queen and her full team minus Amy and Sheriff Lung and Evil Dragon, as much as they could be called part of her team.
"Blasto." She said, in a very calm voice. Very civil. Very… restrained. God, she could be creepy sometimes. He was infinitely grateful that through some stroke of luck she'd decided to treat Cape life as some sort of entertaining game, or whatever.

"Some days ago, as you hit a bank for money, and were idly conversing with one of your more intelligent homunculi as your other creations filled up your bags with money, and then I turned up as a conversation topic. One of the hostages was subtly filming the proceedings, and swiftly posted the video onto YouTube as soon as the incident was over with. Your opinions were… not flattering."

"Oh shit." Blasto said.

"Now you're getting it." Tattletale said with a mocking grin.

Imp and Regent laughed vindictively. Grue was afraid that Regent wasn't exactly a good influence on his sister, not helping the… he wasn't sure what to call it, that Imp already possessed. But he made her happy, and they loved each other, and he never hurt her, so he tolerated it. Barely.

Blasto reached into his pocket, quick as a viper, and he must have pressed some kind of button, Grue thought, because in only moments about ten monsters just burst out of fucking nowhere what the hell Tinkers are TERRIFYING.

He sighed as he shrouded one of the monsters head in darkness to blind it. And then it opened another pair of eyes on its knees. Wonderful.
And then one of Bitch's dogs tackled it and began tearing it to shreds to the best of its abilities. Grue scanned the battlefield and noted that everything was going actually pretty well for them. Not surprising, really, when you thought about it, seeing the wide variety of powers the now relatively large villain group had.
Tattletale and The Dark Vizier were both standing far away on the sidelines, peering intently at the ongoing battle, occasionally tapping in on the group's com links to inform them of some of their suggestions.

Each of Bitch's dogs were handling one monster each, although it was a pretty even thing for all of them, and Bitch was in the thick of it herself targeting her laser gun given to her by the Techno Queen at one of the monsters. She'd caught it flatfooted with the first shot, incapitating one of its front legs, which was probably the only reason why she was still alive right now.
One of the monsters lay dead already on the ground and Grue didn't remember how that happened, even though it had clearly happened in his line of sight.
The Velvet Villain had tied down one of the monsters and Regent was now trying to hijack its body. That would take hours though, Grue knew, so he was probably just trying to distract it from deciding to commit to some escape attempts, instead occupying its mind with pain.

The Velvet Villain herself was battling one of the other monsters, trying to tie it up as she had done the first, but after its first ally had been restrained it was more wary now than the first and was viciously tearing apart any swathes of fabric that came to close to it, but she poked its eyes out with tiny needles and it was easy work killing it from there when it was blind. She moved onto another monster, who was warier of her still, an even tougher opponent to defeat.

Jailbird was cracking her whip at the eight dog, making it too busy to dodge rather than attack, but she was struggling. She couldn't use her power on the monsters without affecting her teammates as well. But then there was a girl in a black bodysuit and a mask and a scarf there, and she slit the monsters throat and then she left. The monster was lying dead on the ground bleeding out for some reason. When had that happened? How could that have happened? A whip couldn't cut a throat. Grue put it out of his mind. There were more important things to worry about. Jailbird moved on to help The Velvet Villain.

The Techno Queen was attacking the last monster with her laser gun, teleporting her way out of its attacks. Grue helpfully shrouded the entire thing in a thin veil of darkness so it wouldn't reveal any more secret eyes, and she made short work of the thing now that its sight was made useless.

Grue didn't know why Blasto wasn't fleeing, but he seemed to be restrained somehow? By a girl in a black bodysuit and a mask and a scarf. Grue didn't know why Blasto wasn't fleeing.

With more and more of them being freed up they all helped each other defeat the monsters and soon they stood victorious over Blasto and his slaughtered minions.

"…What are you going to do me now?" He asked with trepidation.

The Techno Queen adjusted the setting on her Tinker tech gun.

"I've been wanting to try out this new mode for a while now…" She said as she carefully took aim. "Blasto, you wretched, pathetic excuse of a villain, I command you to dance until you drop!"
She fired.

Tattletale facepalmed.

"A Disco-Inator? Really?" She groaned.

"What? That is a perfectly diabolical creation for an evil mistress to build." The Techno Queen said defensively.

"All of that buildup, and he's just going to keep on doing that… pelvic thrusting thing… until he passes out from exhaustion?" Tattletale complained.

"And every time he hears a disco song, my dear Tattletale."

Regent perked up at this and then whispered something into his girlfriend's ear, who had casually stopped being forgotten by everyone when Blasto became too busy doing the monkey, or whatever the hell that was, to escape once he was unrestrained. She grinned and everyone forgot about her. Although if someone who was immune to her power was there they'd note that she went through the dancing Blasto's pockets, found his cell phone, and changed his ring tune to a popular disco song.

MWAHAHAHA!

And then, just as Blasto started doing the moonwalk, two Boston Capes arrived.

"Okay, so she isn't at her old childhood home." THE BATTLE PRINCESS said as she stopped using her new eagle eyes power. Not like it was that much of a useful power. She could just reach into the utility pouch strapped around her thigh underneath the skirt of her dress, retrieve her wallet, and use her amazing power of Owning Money to buy a damn pair of binoculars. Ah well, at least it saved her five minutes, she guessed.

It was kind of weird, being in the past. Jarring. It was like they were at home in their home city, yet at the same time, not. Buildings were different, as was the general consensus about what was considered fashionable (her brother had barely restrained a guffaw after he saw the first person to actually unironically wear a pair of denim jeans walk past them in the street). Lots of small things. One of the most startling was when while taking a shortcut through an alley they walked in on a female Cape in a clown costume dropping down from an open window. She had clearly just snuck in and out of a building which she had no permission to be in, perhaps even haven stolen a few things and stashing them in her clothing, so THE BATTLE PRINCESS had launched into her speech about evil-doers and so on.

The clown Cape had looked at her as if she was the stupidest thing alive and then she threw a knife at her, mid-speech, and then she ran before she or her brother could get over their shock and stop her. THE BATTLE PRINCESS had barely been able to dodge.

THE BATTLE PRINCESS had forgotten for a moment there that their mother hadn't basically forced the local Cape scene to change to her satisfaction through sheer stubbornness (and perhaps a few rays) yet.

"And we've already ascertained that she isn't at her old secret lair either. So where the hell is she?" THE CLOCK PRINCE said, toying with the clock necklace he wore which he'd modified so that they could travel back in time.

"Fucked if I know. That necklace makes you look like Flavor Flav, by the way."

"Hmm, maybe we should ask someone who would know. Also, fuck you, this bitch travels back in time."

"Like who? And before I enhanced your power and you modified it, all it did was sit there and look pretty."

"Like… Sheriff Lung, I guess? And it helped me tell the time. Do you have any idea how important it is for a Tinker with a time specialization to know the time?"

"I think I can see him with my power only a few streets away, actually. Also, it's called a wristwatch, dumbass."

"Jerk,"

"Asshole"

"Bimbo,"

"Moron,"

And so they began walking towards Sheriff Lung as they traded insults all the while.

5.7

Citrine looked at the bizarre tableau before her. Blasto, uncontrollably grinding the air, disgustingly enough. Blasto's lab, reduced to mere ashes, amusingly enough. And a team of mostly teenage Capes that she didn't recognize that clearly outnumbered her and Accord, had wrought this utter destruction, killed ten monsters, and most horrifyingly enough made Blasto somehow uncontrollably dance disco, all in less than five minutes. Who were turning to face them. Oh-shitingly enough.

"They're not here for a fight." A blond girl in a black and lavender spandex suit said.

"Indeed, we are not. I was rather curious to hear from one of the people whom I have spying on this lab on a twenty-four hour rotation that it had suddenly gone up in smoke. May I inquire as to why you have done," Accord gestured the all over general wreckage that surrounded them with one sweeping arm, "this?

"He dared to insult my greatness." The apparent leader said with seething hatred clear in her voice.

Accord nodded with understanding and, Citrine was a bit jealous to note, a small amount of approval. Accord refused to let insults to him pass either.

"Your majesty, if I could have a private word with you for a moment?" The blond girl that had spoken earlier said.

"Of course, Tattletale, one of my dear royal advisors!" The leader said.

The two girls walked out of hearing range of the rest of them, and the rest of them were left to awkwardly stare at each other in silence. After some muttering the two girls returned and the leader turned to face Accord.

"So, Tattletale says that you have near crippling OCD." She said bluntly.

Tattletale groaned and facepalmed.

"You call that subtle?" She whispered despairingly to herself.

"… I wouldn't call it exactly crippling." Accord said.

"Nonsense. My dear royal advisor is always right!"

"Uh, your majesty, I have, in fact, told you that the direct opposite is true several times now…" Tattletale interjected.

"98.372 percent chance that Tatttletale is right." The youngest member, a young girl in dark black and red robes, domino mask and a turban said.

"There, that's two ridiculously powerful Thinkers saying that you've got crippling OCD. And you're a villain. And I'm a, well, super villain. It's clear what I have to do." And then the leader walked purposefully towards the two of them.

Citrine tensed, ready for an attack. But instead the leader stopped only an annoyingly short amount of distance away from Accord. She clapped her hands down on his shoulders. She was only a few measly inches shorter than him

"I and my team are going to stay here in Boston to rehabilitate you, breaking you free form the restraining bonds of your affliction. Always help out a fellow villain!"

Fuck.

"I am sad to say this, but I really must refuse this quite generous offer-" Accord said, obviously uncomfortable at the flagrant breach of his comfort zone and the presumptuous body contact.

"Nonsense! With Scion as my witness, I will help you, whether you want it or not. MWAHAHAHA!"

"You want to know where the Queen is?" Sheriff Lung rumbled.

"That's right." THE BATTLE PRINCESS, or as Daniel No-Middle-Name Dynamite knew her, Annette Call-Me-Anne Dynamite nodded. Apparently it was a Dynamite tradition to give your children as ridiculous a name as you could imagine one.

"And why is that?"

"We wish to convince her to enter a relationship with someone she might not want to enter a relationship with at the moment because of outside machinations!"

Okay, Daniel was really beginning to regret letting his sister take point. She could be a bit… oblivious at times.

"What?" Sheriff Lung said, nonplussed.

"We… aw, fuck it, we want to fight her." Daniel lied. It was just easier.

"Why not fight me?" Sheriff Lung said and Daniel saw that his power began to take hold, bulking him up, scales beginning to break through skin.

Okay. So maybe Daniel was a bit more oblivious than his sister.

"If we win, will you tell us where THE TECHNO QUEEN is?" TBP said.

Sheriff Lung nodded. TBP unsheathed her sword.

Nope. Scratch that. She was so much worse than him. Somehow.

"Sir?" Weld heard a PRT grunt hesitantly say to the local PRT director. This could only be bad news.

"What?" The Director said impatiently.

"I… a building which upon further inspection turned out be Blasto's lab has been destroyed. Turned into complete ruins. Some pictures from a traffic camera shows a team called the Dastardly Techies led by the Techno Queen, who are supposed to be in Brockton Bay, places them at the scene, killing some of Blasto's creations. A few minutes later Accord and Citrine entered the scene. They seemed amenable. We think that Accord hired them to take out Blasto, although the Techies have shown no mercenary inclinations before now."

"Was that all?" The Director raised an eyebrow, but Weld could see through the Director's façade. Worried.

"Well… The Techno Queen is a mostly unknown element to us here in Boston. But according to this file we have on her here, there is apparently something called a 'Techno Queen expert'. It says here to put him in charge unconditionally if she's involved."

They had to have someone who's sole job was to deal with this villain? She must be formidable.

"Well what are you waiting for man? Bring him in!" The Director said.

"Yes sir, but I should probably first tell you…"

"Yes?"

"It's Clockblocker."

Everyone within hearing range froze up. They all remembered. Oh, they remembered all right.

"Fuck!" Weld swore for the first time in his remembered life.

He was not alone.

AN: Oh man, I am so sorry you guys. This is the longest I've ever gone without updating. It's just been so hectic, driving all over goddamn Europe, and now I'm sick too. I did warn you that updating might get spotty, but I really didn't expect anything of this magnitude. Over aweek. Sorry. But it's okay, I'm home now, and I'll try and bring my schedule back to normal.

5.8

A nightmare.

"Ooh, what does this do?" The Techno Queen said and then went ahead and pressed the big red button with DO NOT PRESS UNLESS TERRIBLE CIRCUMSTANCES emblazoned on the front before she could even be told 'what that did'. Why did she even ask in the first place if she was just going to press it before waiting for answer anyway?

Accord heard a boom go off in the West wing of his base and winced, trying not to think about the disorganized rubble.

Yes. This surely had to be a nightmare.

"And what does this d-" The PRT would probably assign him a Mover rating with how fast he ran to her side to grasp her wrist before she pressed any other buttons.

"May I offer you a drink?" He said desperately.

How had she even managed to convince him to show her and her team to his base? It was all a bit of a blur, really.

"Tea, please." She said politely.

He snapped his fingers and a servant that had been following them peeled off to make the order. There were always two servants following him whenever he was anywhere in his base that wasn't his office, so that there'd almost always be one ready to take orders at his side.

He turned around to ask his other guests what they would like to drink and-

"What does this do?"

Why did he even have so many self-destruct buttons?

THE CLOCK PRINCE threw a time grenade at Sheriff Lung and his movements slowed down to a crawl.

"Come on, THE BATTLE PRINCESS!" He shouted, as the unseen holy choir sang at the mention of her name (a gift from her mother right before her debut as a cape). "The time distortion will only last for a minute, we have to get out of here! We can't beat him!"

"Finally. I hate it when the Drama Queen shard thinks it'd be dramatically appropriate for me to fight a ridiculously overpowered guy the underdog way with a stupidly weak power that I have to munchkin."

They turned tail and ran away from the street (that was now more slag than street, whatever, the TECHNOBOTS would fix it) and Lung.

"We'll just find someone else to ask where mom is. Hey have you noticed how this is kind of the plot of that Marty McFly movie?" THE CLOCK PRINCE said.

"Minus the accidental incest. There will be no incest, Prince."

"Hey, you don't have to tell us!"

There was a momentary lull as they continued running in a direction that wasn't where Sheriff Lung was.

"Hey, out of curiosity, what was the weak power that you were using against the Sheriff? We were too busy not dying to notice."

"Oh, it's pretty pathetic, really. And creepy. I mean, bug control, of all things? Ugh. And would you stop speaking in the royal we already? I don't do that. Mom doesn't do that."

"She said she wished she'd thought of it first!"

"She was just being nice."

"Liar,"

"Nerd,"

"Jock,"

"Geek,"

"Brainless,"

"Virgin,"

"You're a virgin too!"

"My bitches!" Clockblocker threw open the doors.

God no, Weld thought.

"Clockblocker," he said. "I assume you've already been informed why you're here-"

"Um, no, actually. An hour ago some guys threw a sack over my head and threw a knockout grenade at me or something and then I woke up five minutes ago. I'm actually kind of freakishly relieved to see that it's just the PRT."

Weld looked at the PRT agents standing by Clockblocker who'd been assigned to fetching him incredulously. They looked mildly embarrassed.

"We didn't want to deal with him, sir."

Weld didn't even know what to say in the face of such bluntness.

"It's been so long!" Clockblocker said, startling Weld. "I haven't talked to you since the last time there was a villain in Boston that my powers were perfectly tailored to bringing down. I was over here for two weeks right? Ah, what fun we had."

"Yes. Fun." Weld said.

"So what do you need me for?"

"We heard that you're the Techno Queen expert?"

"That's not how it's pronounced, but yeah. Oh, is she taking a road trip again?"

"She go out of Brockton Bay often?"

"Nah, only twice that we know of. First time, she busted out a Parahuman being carted off to the Birdcage, second time she went on a vacation and killed the Slaughterhouse Nine."

Beat.

"Pardon?"

"She busted a Parahuman being carted off to the Birdcage."

"I meant after that."

"She went on a vacation."

Weld began to relax. He must have misheard.

"Oh, and she killed the Slaughterhouse Nine while she was at it."

"… O-oh. S-so she's t-that villain. Okay."

And then Weld quietly went to his room and screamed into the pillow that he didn't need.

5.9

Accord unrolled the blueprints.

"We'll be extracting some files from this building today. A generous client will be paying us a hefty sum for them that will help us along with reaching our end goal by three months. I've researched what he'd need the information for and I've reached the conclusion that his actions will not be detrimental to our own goal."

"End goal? Ooh, you've got a grand master plan? What is it? Oh, wait no, don't tell me! I know these things should be kept secret." The Techno Queen touched her helmet with a finger where Accord assumed her nose was. "Wink, wink."

"In other news," He gritted his teeth, "We will be having some… guests to assist us with the mission."

"Does anyone want snacks? Because I brought snacks."

"What kind?" Othello asked.

Accord shot him a withering glare. Othello winced. As he should.

"Oh, all kinds. Healthy snacks, salty snacks, cookies, chips, drinks-"

"Do you have Oreos?" Lizardtail asked.

She threw him a box and Accord thought about the crumbs. The terrible, awful crumbs.

"As I was saying," Accord pressed on, "We'll be extracting some files. They'll be on the third floor in the office farthest from the stairs in the bottommost left hand drawer. They'll be-"

And then there were- hands. Touching him. On his shoulders, his neck, his back, rubbing him what the hell-

"Relaaax," The Techno Queen said. "You need to chill, dude. You're so tense. Oh my god, there are knots everywhere. A calm villain is a successful villain."

How had she even gotten behind him? How!?

"Techno Queen, if you would unhand me I have plans to outline-"

"Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbayaaa~" The one with the yellow feather hear and the downright lecherous leather suit sang and where did she pull that guitar from?

"I asked Jailbird to set the mood." The Techno Queen said, ignoring his words with a seemingly practiced ease and still. Massaging. Him.

Jailbird's singing was actually really calming… and pretty… he should listen to NO HE HAD WORK TO DO THIS WAS SO UNORGANIZED-

The one called Tattletale was handing out drums to his Ambassadors and the Dastardly Techies had started a clap along.

Accord hated everything.

"Oh my god, that was so easy." THE CLOCK PRINCE said.

"I know, right?" THE BATTLE PRINCESS said.

"Who knew all we had to do was post a question on Yahoo! and we'd get an answer of where she was in under five minutes?"

"Of course. The internet is always the answer. Duh." THE BATTLE PRINCESS hit her forehead with the palm of her hand.

"Well, now we get her, bring her back to Brockton Bay, and get her on a romantic date with dad."

"Our plan is flawless. Flawless."

"Ah, fresh Boston air." Clockblocker, who was in Boston if that wasn't clear enough to you, said.

"Yes. Fresh Boston air. In the PRT cafeteria." Weld sighed.

"Just like God intended it. So what am I supposed to do?"

"Wait around for a sighting of the Techno Queen. Until then you're supposed to just… hang around. Maybe assist with the patrols. Stuff like that."

"Sweet. Hey, want to play video games?"

"I don't really have the time."

"That's okay. Me aaand," Clockblocker's finger searched through the air for a victim- I mean friend. People desperately dived out of the way of where it was pointing. "… Good ol' Bob will play."

Everyone stared.

"My name isn't Bob." The Director said.

"… Clockblocker, I think that the Director is definitely too busy to play video games with you." Weld said.

"Nonsense. Me and Bob are Precious Childhood Friends. He always finds the time for me!"

"I'm old enough to be your parent." The director said.

"Your mother's old enough to be your parent!"

"What-"

"You see, me and Bob are just teasing each other, just like Precious Childhood Friends do all the time."

"I don't-"

"Come on Bobby, let's go and show Bowser's who's boss!"

And then Clockblocker dragged the protesting Director towards the nearest gaming consol, everyone else too shocked to try and stop him.

"My paperwork-"

"Shh, Bobby, shh. You're clearly delusional. Dibs on Mario."

5.10

"… Look, there's no reason to be all quiet at me, okay? This isn't my fault. It's my powers fault." THE BATTLE PRINCESS tried helplessly.

THE CLOCK PRINCE remained silent, arms crossed wordlessly as he deliberately avoided looking in the direction of her face.

"I'm- I'm not, like, insulting your masculinity or anything it's just-"

"Stop. Bringing. It. Up." THE CLOCK PRINCE said through grit teeth.

As he was carried in the arms of his flying sister.

At least they were quickly making progress towards Boston. He still wished TBP's power would let her shape shift into a car or something though.

It was okay. Sure, a third of his base was blown up, but he had a rainy day fund for that, miraculously no one had been hurt, and he didn't have to see the disorganized rubble. Sure, the meeting had stretched on twice as long as he had predicted, but luckily he'd cleared his schedule just in case. Everything. Was. Fine.

"That's the building." Accord said, and reached for his com to tell his subordinates that the quiet, subtle mission to go in out without being noticed was on and-

"Understood," THE TECHNO QUEEN said, and then she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out into the open where everyone could see them.

"CITIZENS OF BOSTON!" She boomed, impossibly loud as every head within earshot turned towards them. "WATCH HELPLESSLY AS I, THE TECHNO QUEEN, AND ACCORD STEAL PRECIOUS FILES FOR OUR OWN NEFARIOUS PURPOSES! YOU CAN DO NOTHING TO STOP US, WEAKLINGS! MWAHAHAHA!"

She began dragging him towards the building.

"What's the reaction time for the local Protectorate anyways?" She whispered furtively as the Ambassadors hesitantly followed the much more confident and carefree Dastardly Techies out into the open, following their leaders to the building.

"Less than five minutes," Accord said distantly.

"Marvelous!"

Something snapped.

"Look, I really have other things to do, important things! And- did you just blueshell me, you fucker?" The Director said.

"You bet your damn ass I did, Bobby." Clockblocker said smugly.

"You- you, oh, that is it! Time to show you who's the boss, son."

Weld awkwardly cleared his throat.

"What is it?" Clockblocker asked easily. The Director was too intent on his gaming, tip of the tongue sticking out of the Director's mouth, glaring at Mario on the screen, just ahead of Princess Peach. Princess Peach? Really? No. Back on topic.

"The Techno Queen has been sighted with Accord and their respective subordinate's downtown. It sounds like they're gonna' steal some files from a nearby building."

"Well, what are we waiting for then? Wards, assemble!" He said cheerily and then threw his controller at the TV screen, shattering it. The Director made a dismayed noise.
Weld wondered if maybe Clockblocker wasn't just a bit bitter about the whole 'sack over head' thing.

The twins touched down in Boston.

"All right! Time to find her. Um. Where exactly do we start?" THE CLOCK PRINCE said.

"Uh, Prince, you should see this." THE BATTLE PRINCESS said.

He turned to see ten televisions in a store window display all show the same soundless channel one news. He read the subtitles.

CAPE FIGHT BETWEEN VILLAINS IN DOWNTOWN?

"Fuck." They both said at the same times.

They left a comical dust cloud in their wake.

There were phone cameras everywhere, and a few actual news cameras, filming his moment of disgrace. Accord didn't care.

"-USELESS VILLAIN, CAN'T EVEN GO THROUGH A PLANNING SESSION WITHOUT RUINING EVERYTHING!"

The Techno Queen watched him silently, unmoving. Accord had a feeling that she was calmly plotting his absolute doom which would make him jealous of even Blasto's ultimate fate, but he just couldn't bring himself to care at the moment.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD FOR MY REPUTATION THIS IS!? I MAY NEVER BE HIRED AS A MERCENARY AGAIN! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MORE YEARS IT WILL TAKE FOR MY ULTIMATE PLAN TO SUCEED!? I WAS GOING TO CURE WORLD HUNGER, YOU BIT-"

"What." She said flatly. Accord had never heard such venom in a single word before. It seemed his accidental slip of the tongue declaration had driven all thoughts of insults to be avenged out of her mind.

"I… I'm going to cure world hunger?" He said, the wind taken out of his sails quite swiftly by the sheer menace she exuded. What had he done now?"

"SO YOU WERE A HERO ALL ALONG, YOU TRAITOR!?" She suddenly screamed, grabbing him by the collar of his costume. "HOW MUCH OF IT WAS A LIE!? WERE YOU A HERO FROM THE START!? VALIANTLY SHOULDERING ACCUSATIONS OF BEING A VILLAIN, HUNTED BY THE LAW DESPITE BEING A MAN OF THE GREATER GOOD!? TAKING THE LABEL OF A VILLAIN UPON YOU SO YOU COULD HELP THE WORLD BETTER!?"

She slapped him.

"You- you do-gooder!"

And then with a flourish of her cape she walked off in a huff.

"We're done!" She barked over her shoulder.

Accord gaped, hand on his stinging cheek. His Ambassadors didn't look like they knew what they were supposed to do know either. Well, the Dastardly Techies seemed to be casually chatting and buying ice cream from a nearby vendor, so he guessed this was, what? Normal for her? Or something?

Accord was very happy that he didn't live in Brockton Bay.

And then he remembered the cameras that had just caught his and the Techno Queen's fight. He mentally calculated the years this would put on his missions and sighed with resignation. You know what? Fuck it.

Accord got himself a motherfucking ice cream. With sprinkles on.