6.1
Grue covered his head in a dome of darkness, took off his helmet, and licked the ice cream. Mm, cookie dough flavor…
And then the heroes arrived.
Or rather, they crashed into the street from the direction of the sky.
Clockblocker climbed his way out of the brand new crater in the asphalt.
"Just as planned," He said smugly.
"JUST AS PLANNED!? HOW WAS THAT JUST AS PLANNED!? HOW DID YOU EVEN DO THAT!?" A mess of molten slag shrieked.
And then the molten slag slowly began to form itself into the shape of a teenage boy.
"Vectors, Weld. It's all in the vectors." Clockblocker said.
"We were walking on the sidewalk. I don't even remember what happened. How the hell did we manage to go from casually walking on the sidewalk to rocketing towards the ground at such a speed that I melted? And why are you completely unharmed!?"
"What? Don't be ridiculous. Can't you see the strategic tears in my costume and the light dusting of dirt on me that signifies that I've been through a tough ordeal?"
"GAH! You make no sense." Weld hissed.
But then Clockblocker spotted the DASTARDLY TECHIES and visibly decided to ignore Weld.
"DASTARDLY TECHIES! Where is your vile leader? Answer, or I will be dealing out some hard JUSTICE!"
Grue pointed in the general direction he'd last seen TTQ angrily storm in.
"Wonderful! Have a terrible day, scum of society!"
"You too, Clockblocker." The DASTARDLY TECHIES chorused casually.
Clockblocker headed off in that direction, abandoning his ally who was still repairing his legs.
"Brockton Bay Capes, am I right?" Accord, one of the most powerful Boston villains said to Weld and then went back to licking his strawberry ice cream.
Weld stared.
"Oh dear god, it's contagious." He whispered, horror thick in his voice.
"It is," Accord nodded.
"Join us," Imp said in a deliberately creepy voice.
"Forever and ever…" Regent went on.
The Dark Vizier made spooky ghost noises, which basically amounted to saying "OOooOOooh," and reached out to touch Weld. Weld screamed in a surprisingly high-pitched tone and began frantically crawling to get away from her hand, his legs still half formed legs, shrieking about "crazy cooties" and "please god no" and so on. Grue didn't see what the fuss was about. This was all pretty normal, right? Pretty low key, actually.
And then two more capes crashed dramatically into the street from the sky, creating yet another crater. Damn, that was a lot of property damage. Well, that was what taxes were for, Grue guessed.
He ordered himself another ice cream.
Daniel spat gravel out of his mouth.
"Why did you do that?" He demanded.
"Sorry, my Drama Queen Shard suddenly replaced my power of flight with some sort of protection field that I can spread to anyone I touch, which is probably why we're still alive… Which means that we've landed in a place that it'd be dramatically appropriate for us to arrive in a dramatic fashion! We're probably close!"
"Don't be such a Positive Polly,"
"Don't be such a Negative Nancy,"
"Hero,"
"Villain,"
"Birdbrain-"
"Why aren't the two of you dead?" A voice interrupted the two's starting argument.
They looked at the origin of the voice and recognized it as Weld. Weren't that many metal boys out there, after all.
"What? Don't be ridiculous. Can't you see the strategic tears in our costumes and the light dusting of dirt on us that signifies that we've been through a tough ordeal?" Annette said.
"IT'S AIRBORNE!?" Weld yelled and was promptly ignored.
"Ruddy awful protection field, really." Daniel said.
"Shut up!" Annette said defensively.
There was a clang as Weld began hitting his head against the pavement. And again. And again. Again.
A woman that it took them a moment to recognize as Jailbird walked up to the crater.
"Want some ice cream?" She asked.
"Yes-"
"Not now, Prince!" Annette scolded.
"Are you sure?" He asked, disappointed.
He hadn't eaten since over a decade in the future, after all.
"Yes! Excuse me, but could you point us in the direction of THE TECHNO QUEEN?"
"Um, sure." Jailbird said, pointing in a general direction.
The twins promptly climbed their way out of the crater and shambled off in that direction.
Tattletale squinted at the mysterious Capes retreating backs.
"What is it, Tattletale?" The Velvet Villain asked.
"I don't know… I just feel like those two are extremely interesting. If only I could poke at them for a few minutes I'd probably be able to figure it out. Yet… it's like there's a voice in the back of my head frantically screaming at me that there are just some things you'd be happier to die without knowing."
"… Oh." The Velvet Villain said.
There was an awkward pause.
"Hey, is it just me, or has Bitch been playing a lot of Angry Birds lately?" The Velvet Villain asked.
"Not just you. I think she's learning coding too. Actually learning how to read coding, without learning how to read letters first." Tattletale said fondly.
"Huh,"
Another pause.
"Man, that Weld guy sure screams a lot."
"He's having a mental breakdown."
"Ah," The Velvet Villain nodded understandingly. That was pretty par for the course. In THE TECHNO QUEEN's wake breakdowns of every kind followed.
6.2
Annette trusted her power. To some extent. Sure, it sometimes worked against her just for the sake of drama, but it was versatile, damn it, and it could be powerful when it wanted to be. And besides, her power made sure she never got hurt or killed just for drama's sake. Because how else would it cause more drama? And it avoided hurting any of her friends or family, and Aunt Lisa theorized this was because it knew to some extent that she'd just never use it again out of spite if it did that. So. She trusted it. Ish. So when she got the power to turn her and other people invisible she took Daniel's hand and they blinked out of sight, without hesitation.
And mere moments later they rounded the last corner and they saw their mother sitting on the curb of a sidewalk, quite clearly moping. "-stupid PRT, won't even help a hero solve world hunger, they're supposed to be all about that justice stuff, damn it, they've really gotta' shape up-"
And then Daniel threw one of his time grenades at her. Oh, snap. She let go of the invisibility and stared at him. THE TECHNO QUEEN, who was now experiencing the world fifteen times faster than normal, didn't even notice her predicament as she was sullenly glaring at the ground between her legs.
"Dude!?"
"What? We have to get her to Brockton Bay somehow, right? Did you want us to walk up to her and just go ahead and introduce ourselves? Really? Yeah, right. Mom may be silly and fun, but we both know how suspicious and skeptical she can get. Now let's kidnap our mother."
"Accord?" A man in a suit backed by a squad of PRT troops said.
"What?" Accord said grumpily. He'd been enjoying his ice cream, damn it, and now it looked like he'd have to come up with another plan to get out of that cardboard house they called a prison. So tiresome.
"I'm Director Armstrong."
"Congratulations." His voice oozed sarcasm.
"We've heard of your goals. And we'd now like to have a chat with you. This chat will draw out for the span of several weeks but let me boil it down for you in ten seconds. The PRT will acknowledge you as an official hero and will do anything within reason to help you reach your goal as long as you stop doing illegal shit."
"Anything within reason?"
"Yes,"
"Well then. According to my plan the next step in my quest to solve world hunger is to get myself another ice cream. I'm a bit peckish, you see, but I've forgotten my wallet."
The two had a staring match that, although brief, would have brought lesser men to their knees.
"No toppings, cup only." Director Armstrong said strictly.
"Toppings and cone." Accord said in a tone that brooked no argument.
"Toppings, cup only."Director Armstrong said.
"Toppings and cone… and I'll claim that you having to have an ice cream as well was a very necessary part of the plan." Accord narrowed his eyes.
There was a tense silence.
"… Deal." Director Armstrong said.
And then his entire accompanying PRT squad began whining about how they wanted some ice creamtoo.
Clockblocker rushed out of another maze. Damn it, he wasn't good with places that he wasn't familiar with. This place was like a freaking maze. And then he tripped over something and landed on his face. He struggled back to his feet and glared at what he'd fallen over. A futuristic looking pin less grenade with a clock design next to the empty curb of a sidewalk. Odd. After a minute of looking around, he saw nothing else weird about the place, and he left with a strange reluctance.
And for some reason he couldn't help but feel like something important that should have happened hadn't.
6.3
Something was wrong.
Annette frowned as she ran at high speeds, her unconscious mother thrown over one shoulder, her brother over the other. She was running quickly. But… not quickly enough. As she understood the situation, the quicker she arrived to Brockton Bay and threw her mother and father into a romantic candle lit dinner, the quicker the drama would start. Right? And her power confirmed this theory, letting her run at super powered speeds. But… she knew from experience that her power could allow her to go much faster without hurting any passengers. She'd done this before, after all. She had a feeling her power was trying to trick her again, being misleading, lulling her into a false sense of security.
But what-
A great pain exploded from her ankle and her perception of time slowed as she desperately forced her body into a position that wouldn't let her mother or brother get hurt in the fall. She rolled at high speeds and ended up dislocating one of her shoulders, but at least Daniel and Taylor were both okay.
She looked behind her.
And there were the DASTARDLY TECHIES, climbing down from Bitch's dogs. And they looked pissed.
"Oh, fuck." She breathed.
"You're damn right oh fuck." Imp said before she vanished from everyone's memories.
"Prince!" Annette shouted.
"What?" He asked with confusion, dazed.
Annette forced their unconscious mother into his arms and pushed him.
"Run. I'll take care of these guys. Get to Brockton Bay."
Daniel took one look at the rapidly approaching DASTARDLY TECHIES and wisely decided to scram.
"Time for a Daring Last Stand." She cracked her knuckles, unsheathed her sword and charged with a scream, launching into the air.
And wouldn't it be dramatic if she won just by the skin of her teeth?
"Get into the Dragon aircraft, Clockblocker." Director Armstrong said right into his fucking ear oh god.
"AAARGH! JESUS. DON'T DO THAT." Clockblocker said manfully and stoically and not fearfully at all. Nope.
"Now."
"How did you find me!? And how the hell did you sneak up on me? And- is that an ice cream?"
"There's no time, Clockblocker! The Techno Queen has been sited being carried in a bridal carry in the direction of Brockton Bay."
"Wait, bridal carry? W-who is this guy!?"
"We don't know. We've checked our data bases and he is a literal unknown. Be wary, we don't know what his powers are."
"… Is he handsome?"
"Get your priorities in order, Clockblocker." Director Armstrong sighed.
THE CLOCK PRINCE was not a Mover. But he was Tinker. And as THE TECHNO QUEEN had proved time and time again, a sufficiently motivated Tinker can do anything.
He pulled the now empty needle out of his arm. He began running again with TTQ in his arms as the cars on the road next to where he was running began to seemingly slow to a crawl, at least in his perspective. It would last for five minutes, and he only had four more batches on him, but it would be enough, he was sure.
Five minutes later he began slowing down again and he set down TTQ and reached for his utility belt.
And then two heroes crashed into the ground directly in front of him.
"WHY!? HOW!?" One of them screamed.
"It's simple, my dear Weld. I've finally mastered the part of my power that stops stuff from falling from the face of the earth when I stop them in time!"
"Oh, that-that actually kind of makes sense! Wait. That doesn't explain why you're not dead."
"But my costume! It's so attractively torn and dirty!"
"AS SOON AS I HAVE LEGS AGAIN I AM OUT OF HERE."
Clockblocker climbed out of the crater.
"What-but- aren't you supposed to be in Brockton Bay?" Daniel asked, confused.
And then Clockblocker saw the unconscious villainess on the ground.
"… She's the one who's supposed to do the kidnappings." He said, and Daniel couldn't remember a time he'd sounded madder.
Everything was going splendidly. Just as planned. Annette was weaving between their attacks, taking attractive light wounds and nearly dying but getting out of the way just in time, and she was dramatically kicking some ass.
She gained something akin to Aunt Flechette's power as her sword sailed towards Jailbird's pesky whip and the sword sliced through the thing like it was butter-
Or at least, it would have, if her sword, hand, and half her arm hadn't pulled a Princess Umbra and vanished on the way down.
Shit.
6.4
The Cape wearing the ball gown shrieked as she fell to the ground after her legs dematerialized as well. Tattletale and the rest of the DASTARDLY TECHIES stared. It wasn't often that the enemy took care of themselves this way, after all.
Her limbs slowly began vanishing, literally fading out of reality, and she screamed again, this time more out of fear than shock.
And then it clicked. Tattletale groaned and put a hand to her face. The voice had been right. She hadn't wanted to know this. It figured, really, that their kids would be as unoriginal as them. She'd never liked that movie.
The rest of the DASTARDLY TECHIES began to hesitantly approach but Tattletale stopped them with a wave of her hand.
"Tattletale?" Grue asked.
"It seems there's been some… miscommunication." She said.
"We didn't want to cause a time paradox!" The vanishing cape said.
Well, it figured that the Cape would be used to her suddenly knowing absolutely everything. At least it was nice to get confirmation that she and Taylor would stay close in the future.
"Yeah, real good job there. Bit too late for that. Now, let me guess. Some guy came and said that he'd gone back in time and split up your parents, and then you and- your brother, I guess?- also went back in time to go and fix it up."
"More or less, yeah." The Cape said, nodding.
"Except, you haven't really seen hide nor tail of this person in the past, have you? In fact, the only sign of any sabotage of any relationship here is yours."
"… Yes." The Cape said, and Tattletale could see that she was catching on. The rest of the DASTARDLY TECHIES were either laughing, crying, or gaping in open horror. Or, in Grue's case, rolling his eyes and throwing his hands up into the air in exasperation.
"You could in fact hypothesize that he never went back through time at all. If you hadn't gone around and fucked up time then you wouldn't be currently busy with being erased out of existence at all."
The Cape was utterly silent for a minute. And then she began furiously swearing.
Jack Junior, or rather, John Jackson, who was relaxing on his couch and binge playing the Halo series, sneezed.
"Why do I feel like someone just cursed me to, ah, insert certain objects inside certain places sideways?" He wondered out loud to himself.
And then he put it out of his mind. That wasn't any of his business. Right now, he'd finally managed to trick his pesky archenemies into getting out of his hair, at least for a while, and he had a villainous AI that wasn't Evil Dragon to kill. Playing video games was way more fun that being a villain. If only his mother would stop nagging him about it. Respect for Proper Cape Life this, Make Your Dead Father Proud that. Honestly.
"That cake is mine." He muttered.
It was hard to run when carrying someone. It was hard to run when carrying someone while someone determined to beat the snot out of you was chasing you like a charging bull. It was even harder to run when carrying someone while someone determined to beat the snot out of you was chasing you like a bull and your left arm and leg have just suddenly mysteriously vanished.
This pretty much summed up Daniel's situation.
"GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE PUNK!" Clockblocker roared.
Instead of taking his father's polite suggestion, Daniel carefully decided to instead desperately hop for his life, his mother slung over his shoulder.
Why is this my life? He thought despondently.
If only he could get to his Time Perception Syringes, he'd be able to safely escape. Or heck, even a Time Grenade. Anything, really. But his remaining hand was occupied with keeping his mother from sliding of his shoulder- wait, why was he doing that? This was exactly what he'd been hoping for!
He immediately twisted around as he hopped and threw his mother onto his father. Not only had he just met his goal, but it proved a nice distraction as well, as Clockblocker fell to the ground with a yelp.
"GET ROMANTIC!" Daniel yelled, retrieved one of his Time Perception Syringes, injected it, and hopped away at the speed of several hundred kilometers an hour.
Success!
Dennis thought he was beginning to understand what Weld felt like when dealing with him. Well, thankfully he'd probably never even have to meet that crazy kidnapping Cape again! He shuddered for some reason.
6.5
Daniel was hopping at high speeds in the direction of Boston when he saw three monstrous dogs running towards him. Normally, this sort of sight would be welcomed. Auntie Rachel may insist on giving him and Annette scritches, but he had to admit to himself that they felt awesome as hell. But they were literally in the past. And those dogs were running awfully fast.
And Annette, screaming and completely limbless, was tied onto Angelica's back.
"AAAAAAH!" THE BATTLE PRINCESS shrieked.
"Would you stop screaming? I've already got the beginning of a Thinker headache brewing here!" Tattletale snapped.
"IF YOU WOULD EXCUSE ME THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME FROM FALLING TO MY GRAVEL RASHY DEATH IS A LEATHER WHIP BEING USED AS A ROPE!"
"Quit whining! We've gotta' get to the idiot couple and make them an actual, official idiot couple before you and your idiot brother fade away from existence! Idiot!" Tattletale yelled. What? Migraines made her grumpy.
There was a black and green blur.
THE BATTLE PRINCESS wasn't tied to Angelica's back any longer.
Tattletale swore.
"TURN THE DOGS AROUND!" She shouted.
Annette's head felt light, as if she'd just gotten a haircut. She realized it was because her hair was slowly fading out of existence, starting at the tips. She felt fear in the pit of her stomach, tears welling up in her eyes.
Daniel, who was holding her tightly as he hopped now on a stump of a leg looked scared too. If only he'd slow down enough so that she could yell at him and tell him to stop, she'd told the DASTARDLY TECHIES about the time travelling already (well, Tattletale had found out, really, but whatever). She'd tell him that he was a stupid, reckless, impulsive moron, and that she loved him.
THE TECHNO QUEEN woke up.
Fucking ow.
She looked up to see Clockblocker worriedly hovering over her, fluttering his hands uselessly.
"Wha?" She slurred.
"I, ah, there was a guy? He was carrying you and, um, told us to get… Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." She mumbled. No she wasn't. Her head was throbbing.
He helped her sit up. They were a few hundred feet away from a highway. A couple of other hundred feet to their other side was some trees and other foliage. Yes. It was official. She had no damn idea where she was.
"Where are we?" She asked. After a pause she cackled maniacally to stay in character, but her head hurt and she was still groggy so it ended up more as a slightly unhinged chuckle.
"Some ways off from Boston." Clockblocker said.
She remembered what she'd been doing before 'some guy' apparently came and hit her on the head or something. Her mood, which wasn't all that good in the first place, rapidly deflated. Boston. Accord. Stupid world that wouldn't follow her ideal and just continue fighting and fighting, and not in a fun way either, someone always got hurt, or killed, and it was grey versus grey, never black versus white and-
"TTQ?" Clockblocker interrupted her train of thought.
"What?" She said glumly.
He looked at her hesitantly. Shyly, almost. He then looked around a bit, furtively. One hand moved thoughtfully to where she knew the Velcro straps for his helmet was. The other found her hand. And just like that all thoughts about the stupid real world were driven out of her mind.
"I… You're smart, and funny, and always careful with your victims and enemies. You're special, and unique, and different in the best possible way there is."
She was grateful for her helmet. She was blushing so hard that she probably matched her cape.
"I like you."
Her brain fried.
"I like you too." She heard herself say.
Velcro made a ripping sound in the silent air. Before she even knew it her hand that wasn't holding Clockblocker's was on the discreet button behind her left ear, hovering.
She bit her lip. He'd only ever known her as THE TECHNO QUEEN. She was confident then. Fun. A genius. Special, which he apparently liked. She wasn't like that when she was Taylor. There wasn't any bullying at Arcadia. (The closest thing to that were the weird and contrived coincidences that kept her from meeting the single classmate she had yet to see. She half suspected he didn't exist. After all, what kind of name was Dennis Danger Dynamite?) But she still wasn't confident, at least not as much as THE TECHNO QUEEN was. She certainly wouldn't have the courage to go to school in a cape and laugh evilly and make a grand speech to the lunch lady when she got her order in the cafeteria. She wasn't pretty. She didn't stand out too much. Would he still like her, even as Taylor?
Apparently her subconscious thought so, because she'd pressed the button without noticing, her helmet was loosening, and oh god.
The goofiest smile in the world erupted on her face when he took off his mask.
"You're a redhead." She sighed dreamily at the same time he said with happy disbelief "You wear glasses."
"My name's Dennis." He said.
"Taylor," She said.
Daniel was really beginning to understand what people meant when they complained about phantom limb pain. It was almost as if-
Out of the corner of his eye he saw an arm that wasn't supposed to be there any longer. Faint, but slowly gaining substance.
"I want to foil you forever." He said.
Taylor kissed him. And that was answer enough, really.
Their limbs exploded into existence with a crack of displaced air.
6.6
"Ah, so my dark genius worked." Daniel said with great satisfaction as he set his sister down.
She hit him in the shoulder repeatedly. At least she didn't have super strength at the time.
"Prince, you are the biggest idiot I've ever met! And maybe we should stop trusting everything Junior says at face value." Annette said when she was done.
"Um, sure. Wanna' go home?" He said, reaching for his Flavor Flav time travel necklace.
"Hell yes."
They left behind a note on the ground that Tattletale would probably find explaining that their place in reality was reestablished and they were going back home, thank you. And after a flash of light they looked down to see the necklace falling to pieces. Daniel sighed.
"What did I say about time travelling? Bending space and time to ones wishes are strictly for dinosaur purposes only!" They heard their mother's voice and looked up with a wince.
There she stood, with Clockblocker at her side.
"I've waited to give you two this lecture for years." Clockblocker said gleefully. "Ever since I saw your costume, Prince. It all made sense then."
"You two are grounded for life! Kidnapping your own mother, and in such an uncouth way! Impulsive, reckless! Your coddled days are over!"
Daniel was frantically trying to fix the time travel necklace.
Their parents laughed at the fruitlessness of their hopeless escape attempts.
"So… does this mean that I've seduced you to the dark side?" Taylor asked.
Dennis spluttered hilariously.
Then out of the corner of her eye she saw some rapidly approaching dots. Her eyes widened as she realized what they were.
"Dennis, mask up! I have a plan."
"Most ominous words ever spoken," He said jokingly, but he did as she said.
She put on her helmet and reached for her laser gun. And then she reached for her emergency tool kit that she kept underneath her cape at all times. Blue prints and plans unfolded in her mind and she grinned wickedly. She'd always wanted to do this.
"-dare you!?" Jailbird heard as they finally came within hearing range of Taylor and Clockblocker. Of course, she was wildly gesturing and shouting dramatically at him at the moment. Nothing out of the ordinary.
"I dare because I fight for justice, foul temptress!" He shouted.
"What's going on now?" She asked, getting off Brutus.
"This disgusting little goody two shoes thinks he can cart me off to the Birdcage!"
"It is what is right! You're a danger to society, THE TECHNO QUEEN!"
"Well, you'll never catch me, for here I have the newest version of my ray gun! Who knows what untold horrors it could release on the world? Is it a fire ray? A freeze ray? WHO KNOWS!?"
"She's planning something." Tattletale whispered worriedly, and the other DASTARDLY TECHIE's began backing up apprehensively. Those words were never followed by anything good when they were applied to THE TECHNO QUEEN.
And then THE TECHNO QUEEN drew her modified ray gun on Clockblocker. Clockblocker easily batted it away and the white beam emitted by the gun grazed Weld and Grue.
"Oops!" THE TECHNO QUEEN said. She was not a very convincing actor.
Jailbird turned to look at the two Capes curiously, wondering what would happen to them. THE TECHNO QUEEN's antics always were so much more amusing when they were happening to other people.
And what happened next was simple: they grew. And grew. And grew-
It was at this point that she had to climb up onto Brutus again so that the dogs could carry them away from the rapidly growing Capes. Soon they were both standing fifty feet tall, and looking very confused.
"GRUE, I CHOOSE YOU!" THE TECHNO QUEEN shouted and where had that megaphone come from? "DARKNESS PUNCH!"
Grue looked down at her for a silent second. Then he shrugged, visibly deciding not to give a fuck and just roll with what was happening, cloaked his fist with his power(not as if that made the punch better or worse in any way), and then punched Weld in the face. It was not very effective. There was a loud clang and he let out a pained sound, cradling his fist to his chest.
"WELD, I CHOOSE YOU! WELD'S PASSIVE METAL SKIN SHIELDING PROTECTS HIM FROM GRUE'S DARKNESS PUNCH, DEALING GRUE FIVE DAMAGE! WELD, USE IRON KICK!" Clockblocker shouted smugly and now he had a megaphone too. Where were these fucking megaphones coming from!?
Instead of using Iron Kick Weld chose to gape at Clockblocker and THE TECHNO QUEEN incredulously.
"HA! DUE TO LOW DISCIPLINE WELD IGNORES CLOCKBLOCKER'S ORDER! GRUE, SHOVE WELD!" THE TECHNO QUEEN shouted triumphantly.
Grue made to do so, but Weld instinctively moved out of the way.
"WELD DODGES GRUE'S SHOVE! WELD, USE BODY SLAM!"
"I think we should go." The Velvet Villain said numbly. The rest of the group nodded silently in agreement, except, of course, for Regent and Imp, who were lying in a heap on the ground laughing hysterically.
They left quietly, before they were used as pocket monsters or something like that.
In the end, Grue won on account of Weld opting to curl up into a tiny ball of insanity and horror. THE TECHNO QUEEN did a victory dance and then slipped Clockblocker her number when she thought no one was looking.
And so they made their way back to Brockton Bay.
#1,836
6.7
"It is time." The woman at the head of the long table said ominously, her visage hidden in shadow, just like her seven hooded compatriots that lined the table's sides. She steepled her fingers.
"For what?" One of the hooded shadow figures asked, also a woman. "And why is it so dark in here? I can barely see."
"And why are we wearing these cloaks?" Another woman asked. "It's way too hot in here. I'm sweating."
"Jailbird, Velvet Villain, silence! It's called 'creating an atmosphere' okay!?" The woman at the head of the table snapped angrily. The two formerly complaining women, now identified as Jailbird and Velvet Villain respectively muttered some reluctant apologies.
"Now, as I saying,it is time." She paused dramatically. For several minutes. When it seemed that she wasn't going to elaborate any time soon without encouragement the hooded figure on her right hand side cleared their throat.
"Time for wha-"
"Time to kidnap Dinah Alcott of course! MWAHAHA! You were saying something, my dear royal advisor?" The apparent leader interrupted.
"Nothing, your majesty." The royal advisor muttered.
"Um… Dinah Alcott? Are you sure, your majesty?" The hooded figure on her left hand side queried, soundings anxious.
"Why of course! We have done so many times before, successfully, might I add!" The leader answered.
"But wouldn't she be… otherwise occupied? Busy? Not available?"
"Do you even know the meaning of the word kidnapping, Dark Vizi- Oh. Right. Fuck."
"I wondered when you'd notice that." One of the hooded figures remarked, a man. He drew down his hood to reveal a dark countenance. He partook in the healthy yet delicious snacks laid out on the table. Three more members drew down their hoods and mimicked him, a pretty boy, a woman who looked to be his sister, and a woman surrounded by three dogs.
"Shut up, Grue." The leader said reflexively. "Okay. So we are out one kidnapping victim. What the hell do we do?"
"Well, who do we know?" The Velvet Villain said.
"Behold Wards, as I hold one of your most important allies hostage! A great, powerful hero who has vanquished many a evil foe by your side!"
The Wards looked blankly at the 'helpless hostage'.
"Um, I don't know." Kid Win said.
"What?" THE TECHNO QUEEN asked.
"He's just… he doesn't really seem to care much. He's sitting in a la-Z-boy watching the television."
"And eating chips." Vista added in.
"And eating chips," Kid Win nodded.
"He's tied down to that la-Z-boy, I'd like to have you know! And look! A sharp pendulum steadily making its way to his position! It's an Edgar Allen Poe reference!"
"No, no, we got that, it's very clever. But we all know all he'd have to do to escape those ropes would be to flex. He's even got a hand out of the ropes so that he can eat the chips. He could just untie himself. And as if that blade could kill him. I'm sorry, but this just isn't doing it for us." Kid Win said.
"And he isn't that much of an ally, either. He's a great aid on the battlefield, no mistake, but he challenges us to fights to the death twice a week." Gallant piped up.
THE TECHNO QUEEN slumped with resignation.
"… But it's averynice literature reference." Clockblocker said.
"You don't need to spare my feelings, dar- Clockblocker. Cross Sheriff Lung off the list, my DASTARDLY TECHIES!"
Princess Umbra snickered at her Freudian slip. THE TECHNO QUEEN blasted her with her laser.
"I don't know…" Flechette said.
"OH COME ON! Look at him! Helpless! Unpowered! Undeniably trapped and in danger! You don't even know this poor man! What has he done to you!?"
"It just doesn't have the same impact as a little girl screaming for help. And he just looks flustered and kind of embarrassed." The heroine shrugged apologetically.
Danny grimaced. This was not what he'd meant when he'd said he'd wanted to spend more quality time with his daughter.
Another bust.
"Maybe Emma Barnes or Madison Clements?" Taylor asked Paige in private.
"Um, I think that's a bad idea." She whispered back. "You'd probably just lose your temper and let the trap kill them, or turn them into something horrible, or," here, she shuddered, "make them dance d-disco."
"Probably." She nodded. She looked thoughtful.
"No, Taylor." Paige said after several moments of thoughtful silence.
"But-"
"No."
"Hey Amy-"
"I'M BUSY!"
"Perhaps… the Mayor?"
"The Protectorate sent us that warning that if we did that they'd be required by law to be sent in instead of the Wards. So no Clockblocker." Tattletale said.
"That's not why I'm doing this! But it'd be a pity to steal Evil Dragon's arch enemy. Yes. Totally."
"Whatever you say, your majesty."
"THAT'S IT! We are going outside, and I am going to close my eyes and randomly point at someone, and then we will be kidnapping that person! IS THAT UNDERSTOOD!?"
"Yes, your majesty!"
And so it came that Charlotte was kidnapped by THE TECHNO QUEEN and her DASTARDLY TECHIES.
It was an astounding success.
6.8
"Bryce, its dinner!" Sierra Kiley called out, pulling the no longer frozen pizza out of the oven.
She set it down on the counter and walked out into the living room.
"Bryce, I said it's time to eat." She said, annoyed.
"Sierra…" Her little brother said, his eyes wide, looking at the television screen.
"What is it?" She asked, beginning to feel concerned.
"That villain, she's taken over the TV again." He said, not looking away from the TV.
"Oh shit," She said. The last time that had happened Sheriff Lung had challenged the entirety of North America's villain population.
"Yeah," He said. "It's fucking epic."
"What?" She hadn't expected that.
"This is so cool." He finally deigned to look at her. "Best. Game show. Ever."
The pizza was left to grow cold on the kitchen counter.
"Hello, this is THE TECHNO QUEEN and I'll be your host tonight! And this is: The World is Mine!" She said, standing next to her podium.
"I and my subordinates have enlisted the help of villains throughout the town-" Three spot lights lit up and she gestured towards them. Under each of the spot lights stood the three groups of villains respectively: Faultline's Crew, Über and Leet, and Circus. They'd all been paid handsomely for this, of course.
"-to kidnap the heroes of Brockton Bay!" Three more spot lights lit up and she gestured towards them as well. The Protectorate and Wards underneath one rather large spot light, New Wave underneath another (honorary DASTARDLY TECHIE though Amy was), and Sheriff Lung underneath another (ditto for him). He was sitting in a La-Z-Boy. It broke the mood a bit, but it was the only way to make him stay. Taylor shook her head. Even she thought his strange fixation with La-Z-Boy's was kind of weird.
"The heroes will be the contestants and the villains will be there to hinder them at every turn! The premise of the show is: the heroes are going to have to solve a series of problems, taxing both their brains and brawn to the fullest, or else the world is mine!" She finished her speech with a maniacal cackle.
"Techno Queen!" Brandish snarled, materializing a sword made out of hard light in her right hand. "I won't stand for this!"
"Ah, ah, ah!" Taylor wagged her finger in a forbidding way, her tone playful and, admittedly, condescending.
Brandish stepped forward to attack her.
All of the hired villains, her DASTARDLY TECHIES who stepped out of the shadows around the edges of the room, and one hundred TECHNOBOTS all stepped out along with them. Taylor was not in the slightest ashamed to admit that she relished the look on Brandish's face. Lady Photon laid a hand on the woman's shoulder and Brandish let her sword dematerialize with a resigned slump and a decidedly sullen glare shot in her direction. Her DASTARDLY TECHIES and TECHNOBOTS all retreated back into shadows when Brandish unarmed herself, and the hired villains relaxed.
"You're going to have to play by the rules Brandish, or else the kiddy gloves come off. That goes for the rest of you guys too!"
"What is the first challenge?" Sheriff Lung rumbled.
"I'm glad that you asked!" Taylor chirped happily.
"Because now," She turned towards the camera, "you are going to guess if the Ransom is Right!"
AN: A particularly short chapter, but this will be followed up tommorow after I've slept! I'm gonna' have fun with this.
6.9
Another spot lit up and then a chain was lowered into that spot light. On the end of that chain dangled Charlotte.
"Let me go! You'll never get away with this!" It was amazing, but she really wasn't acting at all. She took this completely seriously. Well, she would learn.
"How much am I demanding for the release of this fair maiden? The team closest to guessing correctly will-"
"Is it one million dollars?" Aegis called out.
"… You always did kind of piss me off, Aegis. Fine, and the first round goes to the Protectorate/Wards team!" The chain holding Charlotte rapidly drew back into the ceiling and the spot light illuminating her went out.
"Oh, forget my own head next!" She said slapping her helmet. She turned to the hero teams. "Sorry, there's something important I forgot to tell you guys. Oops! The team with the least amount of points at the end shall experience… consequences."
"Be very afraid!" Regent shouted from the shadows.
By the grimacing that followed, she thought that they roughly understood the amount of shit they'd be in if they lost. Good. One needed motivated contestants, after all!
"Next challenge! The Criminal Bachelorette! Starring my lovely, my fantastic, my stupendous: Jailbird! Woo her heart or suffer the consequences!"
A spot light turned on illuminating a blushing Jailbird sitting on a fancy chaise, sipping a glass of white wine.
The teams squabbled for a while until they sent in their contestants. The Protectorate/Wards team went first. They sent in Triumph, their oldest available male.
"Hey there," He said. "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"
"And the Protectorate/Wards representative opens up with a cheesy pickup line!" Taylor narrated. Triumph flushed and opened his mouth to retaliate.
A blue, glowing shield shoved him aside.
"Hi, I'm Shielder." Eric Pelham said, smiling down at Jailbird charmingly and offering her his hand. It was shook. "And as you can see, I can more than easily help you against creeps like that."
"HEY!" Triumph yelled, even using his power to do so, from inside the shield that trapped him.
"A bold move from the New Wave representative! Using brute force and disparaging comments he undermines Triumph's position in the wooing-food chain!"
Shielder was picked up by two huge, scaly hands and then put down some distance away from Jailbird. Sheriff Lung had entered the scene.
"I can protect you even better. Not that you should need it. In a mate, I look for power, independence, and the power to look after themselves." He said gravely.
"And Sherriff Lung copies Shielder's earlier tactic of brute force, using his superior force to manhandle the New Wave representative away to show that he is the better one! But now he takes a particularly interesting approach: the hard to get method! Flawlessly and without effort, he has made him out to be the pursued with Jailbird to be the one to try and woo him! Will Jailbird bite?"
"I have all of those things!" Jailbird protested, flustered.
"Really?" Sheriff Lung, lifting one eyebrows skeptically.
"She bit!" Taylor said.
"Come on Triumph!" Aegis yelled. "You can do this!"
"Hey! I'll have you know that Shielder is a very charming young man! If anyone's going to win, it's him!" Glory Girl said, flying over to Aegis.
Who snorted contemptuously at her words.
And this was all it took for an all-out brawl to break out between Protectorate/Wards team and New Wave.
"Of course I do! I'm a Parahuman, you know!" She glared defiantly up at the dragon-man.
"Baby, forget this guy." Shielder said. "Are going to go for a guy that just demeans you? Or a guy who'll take care of you?"
"And Shielder viciously attacks- with his words!" Taylor said happily. "But oh, what this? The villains finally arrive!"
"Hey," Newter said.
"'Sup," Über and Leet said, in perfect unison.
"Hi," Circus waved.
The rest of the female villains had thrown themselves into the Protectorate/Wards Vs. New Wave brawl. And Gregor, who was in a relationship with Shamrock.
"Hey! Not fair! The villain teams are sending in multiple representatives!" Triumph protested.
"The villain team's goal is not to win the round, but rather to make sure that the heroes lose it. They do not get points. They do not follow the rules. They are there merely to be a hindrance!" Taylor said.
Shielder growled and shot a laser at Newter, who dodged and lunged at him which Shielder used his shield to deflect. Triumph sent a blast of sound at Über and Leet. Über picked up Leet and easily dodged. The four were soon immersed in a fight.
"What even are you?" Jailbird asked Circus with confusion in her voice.
"I'll never tell!"
Circus was then covered by a huge, towering shadow. The clown looked up and gulped at the sight of Sheriff Lung. Metal wings tore out of his back.
"Ah, the perfect match! Brockton Bay's two Brutes slash pyro kinetics are finally going to throw down in a match that was truly fated- and Circus turns tail and runs without hesitation! Sheriff Lung gives chase!"
A bedraggled Newter made it out of the pile of fighting Capes and ran over to Jailbird.
"Hey there, I'll just have you know that I know how to treat a lady with respect, 'cause I'm a real Casanova-"
"Oh, bad move!" Taylor said.
"What?" Newter said, his head whipping around to stare at her.
"No girl likes to hear that the boy she likes is a ladies man. She'll just think you'll cheat on her!"
"It's true." Jailbird nodded.
"Crap. It's not like that! I-" He was interrupted by Über throwing Triumph onto him. Newter fell underneath the Cape's weight, and Triumph's skin made contact with Newter's. He was knocked out into a drugged stupor.
"My power is being talented. And when I say I can take any talent, I mean any talent." Über waggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively. Jailbird blushed bright red and-
Über was hit in the back of the head by a beam of hard light. Shielder walked up to Jailbird suavely. While his lasers may be weak, a hit to the back of the head was still a hit to the back of the head. Leet confirmed this for him exactly three seconds later when he hit the hero up the head with the butt of his Tinker tech gun. Shielder slumped to the floor.
"Hi," He said, adjusting his googles. "You like games?"
Newter finally got out from underneath Triumph. Then he picked him up and threw him at Leet. Leet dodged with a squeak. Newter charged for the Tinker, who promptly leveled his gun at him, took aim, and-
Was interrupted by having a clown thrown at him. At least it took him out of Newter's path.
Circus and Leet struggled to stand up, turned and saw a charging dragon and lizard-man and promptly let out girlish screams and ran for their lives. Newter reached out to his side to tag Sheriff Lung, who jumped to avoid his touch, and ended up grazing the ceiling with his hair. Circus turned to throw fire balls at Newter, but Leet took the opportunity to clock him in the side of the head with the butt of his gun again. Circus crumpled to the ground. Leet continued running, and then fired at Newter. Newter continued to dodge, slowly gaining ground as he approached Leet.
And then Sheriff Lung landed. Right in front of Leet. He picked Leet up and threw him with ease at Newter, who failed to dodge. They were both knocked out.
The Protectorate/Wards team, New Wave, and Faultline's Crew all let out disappointed groans as he stalked over to Jailbird.
"That's how you protect yourself." He said.
"I could do that!" She rose from her chaise.
"Oh, yeah?" Sheriff Lung said.
"Yeah!" Jailbird said.
He got into her face.
"Then beat me, little girl."
She scowled at him. And then she began to sing. Taylor flipped the switch on her helmet that would shut out all external sound.
In the end Jailbird won.
Sheriff Lung immediately asked to see her when he woke up in the infirmary. It was love at first fight.
"And the second round goes to Sheriff Lung!"
6.10
"Welcome back from the commercial break, this is THE TECHNO QUEEN on The World is Mine! Right now the Protectorate/Wards team and Sheriff Lung are leading, both with one point each, leaving New Wave as the only team with only zero points! How does that feel, Lady Photon?" She shoved her mike into said heroine's face.
"Uh, well, we are motivated to overtake the enemy, and I believe that in the end we will succeed." She fumbled, clearly taken off guard.
"Damn straight! This'll be a cake walk! We'll trounce those villains, and we'll show Brockton Bay who the best heroes in the city is once and for all!" Brandish shoved her sister aside and said boldly, glaring at all the other competitors venomously.
"Carol!" Lady Photon hissed, and drew her sister away to scold her.
"Bold words from the New Wave front!" THE TECHNO QUEEN said cheerily. "And now, for the next challenge! If New Wave wins this one, then we'll have a bonus round to decide the victor! But if they lose, and with zero points at that, then they'll be made to fear the consequences. Onto the next round!"
"The third round will in fact be a series of challenges, and the first team to succeed will win! The villains will do all in their power to make as much of a nuisance of themselves as possible. The show sincerely thanks Panacea for healing of the contestants that were harmed in the previous round so that they could participate."
"You said you'd detract a point from us, effectively putting us in the negatives, if I didn't." Said healer said flatly.
"So modest!" THE TECHNO QUEEN said. "And now, round three will commence!"
And then a gigantic, multicolored mecha stepped out of the shadows.
"How the fuck did we not notice that before?" Princess Umbra muttered.
The mecha took another ominous step towards the heroes, who tensed. And then the mecha fell flat on its face. There was a ringing silence that was soon broken.
"I told you guys we shouldn't have given one of the legs to Imp!" Tattletale's voice was heard from the mecha.
A very Bitch like agreeing grunt came from the other leg.
"Oh, what do you know? You're not even doing anything! You're just the head!" Imp replied.
"Guys, could we please just concentrate on getting back on our feet…" The Velvet Villain said, from the left arm. She was ignored.
"And Grue! He's the fucking torso! What does the torso do? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!" Imp ranted on.
"Hey, lay off, Imp." Grue chastised.
"Honestly, I'm jealous of Grue and Tattle. Do you think I maybe did something to piss Queenie off lately? I can't pick out a specific thing…" Regent said.
The Dark Vizier was heard trying hopelessly to stifle her giggles from the right arm.
"Maybe that's the problem. You can't remember a specific thing." Grue said.
"I just don't see why the groin even needs someone to steer it. All I can do is do random hip thrusts. Which, admittedly, is rather tempting…" Regent said from the, uh, crotch area of the mecha.
"Regent, don't you dare-" Tattletale began.
She was interrupted by the screeching of metal against concrete as the mecha began grinding its, um, pelvis against the floor.
The rest of the inhabitants of the mecha began groaning, except for Imp, who began laughing. Gallant blushed and covered a protesting Vista's eyes.
"This mecha is needlessly hard to steer!" Tattletale declared.
Manpower noticed that all of the other heroes were too busy staring in horror at what was happening, and so he nudged his daughter who was standing next to him. Laserdream startled and looked at him.
"This is our chance. Initiate method A-56." He whispered.
She nodded, understanding. She silently spread the message among the rest of New Wave and they readied. The other heroes were already visibly getting back their bearings.
Simultaneously, all of the New Wave members that could (Shielder, Laserdream, and Lady Photon) activated their shields in front of the rest of the heroes to stop them as Brandish and Manpower sprinted towards the mecha, Glory Girl flying, and Flashbang hurling his bouncing orbs of light at it. Sheriff Lung made to jump over the shield in front of him, and Shielder waited to create a shield right where Sheriff Lung's head would hit it.
"That's what you get for picking me up like a doll." He muttered.
Laserdream snickered.
Some of the Protectorate/Wards team were getting past their shields, just through sheer numbers, and so Laserdream and Lady Photon took to the air, and began dodging attacks as they shot off hard light at the hero team as a delaying measure, maintaining their shields as well. Shielder remained so that he could put all of his focus into keeping Sheriff Lung contained.
One of Flashbang's light orbs exploded upon the right arm, and the Dark Vizier was shot out of the arm screaming by an emergency ejection seat. A parachute unfolded from the back of the chair and she began delicately making her way back down, clutching at the arm seats as hard as she could.
Bitch, Imp, and the Velvet Villain finally managed to get the mecha upright, despite the fact that the hips were still vigorously thrusting (TTQ should have known that it was a mistake to put Regent in charge of that part of the mecha) and that the left leg was uncontrollably laughing. Unfortunately Glory Girl came barreling into the right leg at that point, ruining all of their hard work, and also making the emergency ejection protocols kick in and eject Bitch.
"'Sup," She nodded at the Dark Vizier, who was a few feet away and below. Said villainess waved her hand nervously.
The mecha began falling, slowly, ponderously, but the left arm had time to swat at Glory Girl like a fly as it was falling while her force field was still down from her earlier kamikaze run. The mecha crashed into he ground and Glory Girl was sent flying towards the other side of the room, unconscious.
"Vicky!" Panacea shrieked and began running towards her.
Vista, with Armsmaster and Miss Militia holding onto each of her shoulders, reality warped her way to the mecha's side. Princess Umbra had just phased her way through all obstacles, and while breezing her ways toward the machine she raised her crossbow. Battery had managed to run so fast that neither Pelham had had time to block her. Flechette was trying to get a line of sight with her crossbow, and was failing. Kid Win tried to weave his way through with his hoverboard and Aegis with power, but was also failing. Mouse Protector just teleported to Armsmaster's side, whom she had previously tagged with her power. Gallant, Triumph and, uh, Browbeat (?) were sitting ducks. Assault tried to copy his wife's trick, but he simply couldn't make himself go fast enough.
Clockblocker was hiding behind TTQ's podium.
"Hey, I just realized. With all of the heroes here, and everyone knowing it, who's looking after Brockton Bay?" He whispered to his girlfriend.
"Don't worry about that. It's being taken care of." She whispered back.
"Finally!" Felix Swoop said. "This damned city's protectors are gone. Now to-"
Suddenly, the self-proclaimed 'wizard' was staring down a very big gun connected to a very big dragon robot.
"What is your business, Felix Swoop?" A female voice with a Canadian accent asked.
"I was, uh, sent by boss Epoch to…" He trailed off, his brain finally rebooting and telling him that the Cape before him probably wouldn't like what he'd been sent there to do.
"Yes?" The mechanical dragon asked, beginning to sound impatient.
"He sent me here to… see the sights!" Wow, good one brain, so smooth. She'd totally fall for that one.
"See the sights?" The dragon asked.
"Yeah! You know, just tourist things." He went on.
The dragon nodded as if this was a perfectly normal thing to do.
"I see. But all of Brockton Bay's heroes, and most of their villains, are currently occupied, I'm afraid. Some out of town villains might take this opportunity, thinking that the city is unprotected and ripe for the taking in this vulnerable time."
"You don't say." He said weakly. "Well then, if it's so dangerous, I think it'd just be for the better if I just left."
"Nonsense. I wouldn't want you to disappoint your boss, Felix Swoop. He might go back in time and make sure that your parents never met, or something like that. Let me escort you."
"That's really all right-"
"I insist."
"Yesmam!"
And so it was that Felix Swoop, a high ranking member of the Adepts, awkwardly walked around Brockton Bay for four hours, seeing the local monuments and such and buying little trinkets for his team members ("I'm sure that Thirteenth Hour would love this snow globe, don't you Felix Swoop?" "Yesmam!") from souvenir stores, as a gigantic mechanical dragon acted as a tour guide for him.
He was close to having a nervous breakdown when he finally managed to escape from that insane town. It was true. All Brockton Bay Capes were crazy.
Miss Militia drew her gun, Armsmaster his halberd, Mouse Protector her sword, Princess Umbra took aim, Battery stopped to power up, Flashbang readied another orb of light, Manpower and Brandish closed in, and the mecha scrambled to stand up with only one leg and arm (and hips still thrusting, seriously Regent!?).
And then the villains launched their attack.
"Why do you guys keep forgetting about them?" THE TECHNO QUEEN asked, watching as the heroes were caught by the villains completely off guard again.
"Hey, they're trying to kill a gigantic thrusting mecha before anyone else. They're allowed to be a little distracted." Clockblocker answered.
"Well, I'll show them. You know, I never did say that more than one challenge in this round could happen at once." She said.
"You're evil." Clockblocker said with admiration in his voice.
"Of course," She said smugly.
And then she pressed the big red button.
