Arthur watched as the woman whispered something to Merlin. And though her voice was soft, he could hear her perfectly.

"Merlin, my love."

An instant rush of jealousy surged through him that he had to shove down before he jumped and yanked Merlin away from this strange lady. Something about her was familiar, though. Like a stranger Arthur had met so long ago.

Merlin's eyes were focused on her and he looked close to falling over from the rush. She pulled away and curled her fingers around Merlin's wrists for a second before backing up completely to face Arthur. She lowered her head in a sign of respect. "The Once and Future King. Last I saw you, you were merely a simple prince. I doubt you remember me."

Arthur took a careful step forward. "You look awfully familiar. I don't think I knew any lake goddesses though."

The woman laughed and Arthur had to admit that she was beautiful. But he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Merlin was her love. When the hell did Merlin fall in love with a goddess?

"I'm not a goddess. You met me before I became the Guardian of Avalon. You freed me from my curse. Killed me so that I could truly live."

Arthur blinked. "What?"

Gwaine stepped forward, starling Arthur, who hadn't realized he was there. "My lady." He dropped into an over-exaggerated bow and pressed a light kiss to her fingers. "It's an absolute pleasure to meet you."

Percival yanked Gwaine back. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I don't know. She rose from the lake. I don't want to piss her off." Gwaine mumbled.

Arthur cleared his throat. "What's your name?"

She smiled. "I'm Freya."

Freya.

Merlin gasped at the name. "Freya?"

He'd lost any sense of what was real the moment she rose from the lake but the name struck a chord in Merlin. So familiar but foreign at the same time.

The woman, Freya, turned back to Merlin. It seemed like everything in his mind was going a million miles per hour because on one hand, why the hell was a strange lady rising from a lake but on the other hand, he knew her.

"Merlin. I don't think you remember me either." She took a careful step forward, suddenly looking painfully young. "Your king might have freed me from my curse, but it was you who showed me how to live. How to love."

Merlin took an unconscious step back. "Ok. These things only happen in my dreams so—"

"Those aren't dreams, Merlin. They're memories."

Merlin blinked. "What?"

Gwen was suddenly rushing forward, pushing Merlin back. "Can you help us? You're a friend of Merlin's right?"

"Of course Merlin has a lake goddess friend. What doesn't he have? " Arthur muttered under his breath.

Gwen shot him a dirty look before giving her attention to Freya. "He doesn't remember any of us. You can help us, right?"

"I can do very little, my queen. This isn't the first time he's been at my shores. This isn't the first time I've talked to him." Freya's gaze drifted to Merlin, who looked close to passing out.

Arthur stepped forward. "This isn't the first time?"

"Merlin comes here a few times every year. I can always feel his presence whenever he arrives. And of course, I could feel yours. I am, after all, the one who let you come back."

"Does he not remember the other times saw you? What is wrong with him?" Arthur stared, dumbfounded, as Merlin settled onto the ground, indifferent to the water that lapped at his hips with every wave.

Freya let out a heavy sigh. "You don't understand, do you? He's been alive for so long. Longer than you can even fathom. He's lived hundreds of thousands of lives and has met hundreds of thousands of people. He may be immortal, but he's still human. He's a rock and the waves keep passing by in a blink of an eye. You're not special, Arthur."

Merlin flopped onto his back, the water soaking through his pants and his hair dusted with sand.

"He thinks of himself as lonely. He tries his hardest to not get close to people. But this is Merlin. He can't not make friends and live in other people's lives. But at the end of the day, he leaves. And he forgets. His life in Camelot was just the first of many."

Arthur shook his head. "But— he's Merlin. He has magic and he's supposed to know us. His first life is the only one that matters. He stayed here to wait for me. Because he knew that I'd come when Albion's need was greatest."

Freya raised an eyebrow. "Did he? Tell me, my lord. What is Albion? What's its need? Why are you here?"

Arthur's mouth dropped open and he stammered through his fumbled thoughts. "That's why we need Merlin. He'll tell us."

"And why would Merlin know? He can't even remember you. What makes you think he'll know what to do?"

"He's Merlin. He always knows. He has to know. He has his magic and—and-" Arthur broke off, frustrated. "So what? Merlin just lives a bunch of useless lives for the rest of eternity?"

"I never said he was beyond remembering. I'm only asking you why you're here. I'm only explaining what Merlin is going through. He thinks this is a dream. He always does. He might act normal most of the time, but he's broken, Arthur. You can't live for thousands upon thousands of years and come out sane," Freya said, her eyes etched with a type of sadness that Arthur couldn't fathom.

Arthur swallowed and looked back at Merlin for a moment. His eyes had shut and if Arthur didn't know better, he would think Merlin had simply fallen asleep. Maybe Arthur didn't know better. "Does he know? He has to know that he's immortal. That he's not normal."

"Of course he knows. It's just not in the way you think."

Arthur sighed and tugged at his hair. "So what? What do I do? I came here hoping that– I don't even know. I thought the lake would do something. And now—" Arthur paused. "I don't know what to do," Arthur admitted, hating the fact that he felt completely useless.

Freya tilted her head to the side. "I can't help you. Merlin's come here many times and he hasn't remembered anything. That's not going to change just because you're now by his side."

Arthur pressed his lips together, suddenly angry. "So why are you here?"

"Why are you here?"

"I already told you that."

Freya's lips turned up slightly. "Care to refresh my memory?"

"I don't know. I've been told that I rose because Albion's need was greatest. And now I have to figure out what Albion is and what I'm doing here."

"That's why you want Merlin back."

"Yes." Arthur snapped. "What don't you understand?"

Freya just met Arthur's gaze with calm eyes. "Maybe that's your problem. You don't know why you want Merlin back."

"I just—" Arthur groaned and turned away.

Gwen was there in an instant, gripping Arthur's bicep. "We need Merlin back. He's our best friend. And there are so many things that we don't understand that I know for a fact Merlin once knew. Merlin was the core of Camelot. We need him."

Freya looked almost disappointed at Gwen's response. "You need him? You don't think he's done enough for you? After so many years, you think you have the right to come here and demand to have Merlin back?"

"We're not demanding anything. What are we supposed to do, Freya? Do you not want Merlin to remember?"

Freya stared at Gwen before glancing back at Merlin, who'd miraculously fallen asleep, obvious to the water seeping through his lower half. "You have no idea how many times I've tried to get Merlin to remember. I've come to accept it. It's not fair of me anyway. You might think that you know what Merlin's gone through, but you don't know half of it. He's been through so much. He's suffered so much at the hands of so many people. At the hands of Morgana and the druids, and even all of you." Freya turned to Arthur. "You might not have realized it, Arthur Pendragon, but you caused Merlin more suffering than anyone I can name."

Arthur was silent, staring at Freya with wide eyes. Gwen took in a breath, trying to calm her pattering heart. The rest of the group didn't seem to have anything to say either. Until Morgana stepped in front of Gwen. "Merlin is not the only one who has suffered. I won't pretend to know who you are, but I've gone through shit as well. Letting Merlin roam around aimlessly for eternity isn't going to help him. It isn't going to give him peace. You said it yourself. He's broken. He's crazy. He fell asleep with his body half in a lake, clearly, he's not fine. But—"

Freya pursed her lips. "But what? You think you can help him. Do you think that if you bring back all of his memories, then he can have peace of mind? Well, you never fail to surprise me, Morgana. Are you doing this so Merlin can be happy, or for yourself?"

Morgana locked eyes with Freya, her eyes daring. "Why can't it be both?"

Freya didn't break the stare as she tilted her head just slightly to the left. "You really want to give Merlin happiness again? After everything, that's your goal? Forgive me, if I find that a little hard to believe."

Morgana scoffed. "Who are you? The lake's guardian or Merlin's?"

"I was in love with Merlin. At least, the Merlin he was so long ago. Right when we first met. He was the most lively, painfully naive boy I knew. And I fell instantly." Freya took a step forward, crowding in Morgana's space. "He saved me. And he'll always have a special place in my heart. I know the things that you've done, Morgana. I know what kind of man you forced Merlin to become. And I'll be damned if I let you do it again."

Morgana raised her chin. "You can't make me blame myself for the person I became, and also blame me for Merlin. Merlin made his own decisions and carved his own path. That had nothing to do with me. I'm not stupid, Freya. I knew the man you fell in love with. I nearly fell in love with him myself if I'm being honest with you."

"Is this supposed to make me believe that you have good intentions?"

"I died. And believe it or not, that changed some things. For one, I no longer have magic. There's no Camelot to take over and no throne to steal. There are no laws to change and no traitors to kill. It took me a while to come to terms with it. And while I might have once wanted the worst for Merlin, and while I really don't regret anything I did to him, there's nothing left for me to do. I have no power." Morgana's voice was low and steady.

Freya took a slow step back, searching Morgana's face carefully. "Merlin asked me to bring you back when the time was right, you know that right? He specifically told me. He wanted Arthur back and Gwen back and all his friends back. And he wanted you back. Do you know why?"

"I assume it's for some noble reason like making amends with me. He always did blame himself for what I became."

Freya furrowed her eyebrows. "You knew that? Do you agree with him?"

Morgana hesitated, glancing at Arthur for a second before looking back at Freya. "I don't know. I hate to say it, but I really don't know. I don't know what went through Merlin's head half the time and why he made certain decisions. I don't know if he ever did care for me or if it was really all just a lie. I truly have no idea. And that's why I have to talk to Merlin. For both of us to understand. All my life, I spent fighting and trying to get one step ahead of him and I never stopped to actually talk to him. And now I have a chance. What kind of person would I be if I didn't take it."

Freya gave a bitter smile. "You're a bit late. I don't trust you, Morgana. I don't. And if you want to get Merlin back, I can't help you. But I'm willing to give you a chance. You're right. This is a second chance. To make things right. And I don't know what it was that got it through your thick skull, but I'm glad that you're willing to make things right."

Morgana mirrored the smile. "I don't know what it was either. I might have been one of the many rants that Gwen has given me. Or maybe, over the past couple of weeks, I got to know the other side of things just a little bit better. Not to say I regret my decisions because I don't."

Freya laughed. "I wouldn't expect you to flip all that quick. You're a clever girl. I'm sure you'll find a way to bring him back. But you can't do it alone. And if you do get him back, and you fuck things up, I will kill you. Don't test me."

Merlin couldn't resist the twinge of hope in her chest. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

Freya gave Morgana another assessing look before turning to face Arthur again. His jaw was slack and he seemed completely baffled by the turn of events. "Merlin will explain most of it, but you really have no idea of things you put him through. Consciously or unconsciously. But know this, Arthur. Everything that he's ever done was for you. To make you happy and to make you a better king and to help you better protect your people. I realize that I no longer have a place in Merlin's heart. You pushed me out." Freya's lips curled bitterly. "I know you can make him happy. And you better."

Arthur sucked in a breath. "I know. I can't pretend to know what all Merlin's done but this is different. I don't need anything from him. I just want him to be happy. For him to finally, for once, think about himself. I'm not sure how to get him back, though."

Freya looked at Merlin. "I think you know. You've tried a bunch. With multiple people. Maybe it's time that you try together. I think you know what to do. It's in your heart."

Arthur dug his tongue into his cheek. "Thanks. That didn't help me at all."

Freya gave a soft snort. "Oh, and for future reference, when I said that you killed me so I could live? I was the Bastet. And I know your memory might not be all that great, but I'm sure you'll remember. Just letting you know so that you don't act like a fool."

Arthur glanced down at Merlin before looking back up at Freya. "I won't let you down."

Freya's eyes twinkled as she backed up onto the water again. "I know you won't. I'll see you soon, Arthur Pendragon. And hopefully, Merlin will be at your side." And she melted back into the water before Arthur could respond.

"Jeez. I wish I could melt into the water to escape a situation." Gwaine mumbled under his breath.

Arthur shot him a look. "Ok. Now what?"

Percival crouched near Merlin. He easily scooped him bridal style and made his way over to a sunny patch of grass, right near the forest behind them. "Jesus, he's soaking. What do we do?"

Gwaine collapsed onto the ground and threw his head back, sunbathing. "I don't know. The lake goddess person was absolutely no help."

"It's in my heart?" Arthur mused to himself. "What does that mean?"

Gwaine suddenly sat up. "I got it! What if it's like a true love's kiss scenario?"

Arthur blinked. "You want me to kiss Merlin?"

Leon scoffed. "How would that work? They literally slept together, dumbass. They've already kissed."

"Yeah, but they were both drunk," Gwaine said. "I doubt they remember so it's basically useless."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "I don't think that's how it works."

Leon let out an incredulous laugh, startling everyone. "You don't think that's how it works? We have no idea what anything is. Merlin's dead girlfriend comes to us saying that he's broken and crazy and we have to work together to get him back. None of us know what's going on or what to do."

A layer of hopelessness settled over the group. Morgana climbed back down to the shore and stepped into the water. "Freya has to help us."

"She said she couldn't do anything," Percival said, flopping back onto the ground.

"She said that she couldn't do anything to help get Merlin back." Morgana turned around, facing Arthur. "She never said anything about helping us to go get Merlin back."

Gwaine raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry what the hell does that mean?"

Morgana turned back to the lake, her eyebrows furrowed in thought. "Just...trust me. That's the only way we can do this. Together."

-0-o-0-

Merlin cracked his eyes open and immediately shut them against when the sun shone right onto him. The ground was hard and dry beneath him and his pants were sticking to his skin uncomfortably. Merlin slowly sat up to find himself laying on a grassy patch a few dozen feet from the lake.

"Merlin."

Elyan came jogging over, an easy smile on his face. "You're awake."

Merlin pinched his cheek to make sure he was actually awake. "Oh, crap. I didn't mean to fall asleep. What happened?"

Elyan crouched down beside him. "What do you last remember?"

"We came here, and Arthur and I were at the shore and—" Merlin trailed off, wrinkling his nose. "I guess I just fell asleep."

If Merlin was being honest, he felt like he'd been dragged through fifteen acres of mud and then thrown into the sun to dry. Elyan looked almost disappointed at his answer.

Your king might have freed me from my curse, but it was you who showed me how to live. How to love.

Merlin groaned and rubbed his eyes. "Sorry. I just had a crazy dream."

Those aren't dreams, Merlin. They're memories.

Elyan leaned forward, curious. "What dream?"

Merlin tried to think back to the white silk and the strawberries and the sudden feeling of comfort but he couldn't quite pin down what it was. "I don't really remember."

Elyan hesitated as if debating whether to say something or not. "Do you know someone named Freya?"

Merlin tilted his head. "Freya?" Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew. I called him, pleaded with him to listen. But it wasn't tangible enough thought for Merlin to understand. "I don't think so."

Elyan let out a soft breath. "Of course. Um, I was wondering. You were saying how there was an island on this lake."

"Yeah. The Isle of Avalon. You can see it from the street view but not from here."

Elyan nodded. "Right. Is there any way for us to get there?"

Merlin winced. "Oh no. It's impossible. Many people have tried but, none of them made it. It's some weird phenomenon. It's not a good idea to go there. Where are the others?"

"They're by the shore. So—"

"I'm actually starving. I brought sandwiches if you guys want to eat." Merlin sat up, pressing his palm to the side of his head.

Elyan stood up, offering a hand to Merlin, who gladly took it. "Yeah. Sure. Come on."

The two quickly made their way down the group. Merlin settled himself between Arthur and Gwaine, apologizing for falling asleep. Elyan dropped a hand on Gwen's shoulder and lowered himself into a crouch. "He doesn't remember anything. Apparently, no one's ever made it to the Isle. It's impossible."

Morgana, who was beside Gwen, managed to catch Elyan whispered words and leaned over. "So we need Freya. It's her lake. If anyone can get us across, it's her."

"Would she really help us? How do we even know this will work?" Elyan asked, meeting Morgana's gaze.

Morgana blew out a breath. "We don't. But I have an idea. Just trust me."

"Excuse me if I'm not really comfortable with that," Elyan muttered and settled down onto the ground.

"Yeah, I've been here a couple of times and it's always a bit tiring. I'm not sure why though." Merlin said as Elyan sat down. "It's just something about the lake and its waters and—" Merlin trailed off, a faraway look in his eyes.

Elyan vaguely wondered how he never noticed that Merlin always seemed like he was half-asleep. Maybe that was why he was less tense all the time. Because over the years, he's lost sense of what was real and what was not. And Elyan was ashamed that he didn't notice it. Then again, he was never good at reading the man to begin with.

Arthur's hand slipped around to grasp Merlin's arm. "We get it."

Arthur glanced up to meet Elyan's eyes and Elyan could see the disappointment in his eyes when he shook his head ever so slightly. Arthur pursed his lips and looked at Morgana.

Morgana leaned forward. "So, Merlin. We were wondering—"

"I'm actually starving. Are you guys hungry?" Merlin interrupted, grabbing his back to take out some wrapped sandwiches. "I have some plain peanut butter and jelly and some veggies. I wasn't sure if you guys ate meat so it's all vegan."

Morgana blinked, startled by the interruption. "Uh, yeah. That's cool. I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

Merlin gave Morgana a tight smile. "Ok. You guys can eat. I promised to call Rowan so I'll be back in a bit." Before Morgana could reply, Merlin had disappeared off to walk across the shoreline, a couple of dozen feet away.

Arthur frowned. "He seemed eager to get away."

Elyan huffed out a breath. "He doesn't remember anything. I asked him about the Isle and he said it was impossible to get to."

"It is to mere mortals," Morgana said, unwrapping one of the sandwiches. "But Merlin's not mortal. And neither is Freya."

"You really think Freya can get us across? What's so special on that island anyway?"

"The details are fuzzy, but I heard of the prophecy. I think Merlin was supposed to bring Arthur to the island so that he could heal from his injuries. Merlin, of course, failed, and Arthur died around the shore instead."

Arthur leaned forward. "I remember that. Gauis was talking to Merlin about it, I think. Something about the Sidhe?"

Morgana's face lit up. "Yeah. Freya's not the only immortal creature who lives here. The Sidhe are the immortal race of Avalon. I don't know much about them, but people say that they are more powerful than even human sorcerers, maybe even Merlin."

"So you think that the Sidhe can help Merlin." Arthur said, his face thoughtful.

Morgana nodded. "If Merlin thought that the Sidhe could cure you, then they have to be able to help Merlin. You were stabbed with a blade forged from a dragon's breath. Merlin's probably never told you but your sword, Excalibur, was also forged from a dragon's breath."

"I'm sorry what?"

Morgana waved him off. "It's a long story. Merlin will explain it all after. The point is that no one can survive a blade like that. Even me, a high priestess. If the Sidhe could cure something like that, they must be very powerful."

Gwaine pursed his lips. "Ok. So we have to get to the island."

"And to do that, we need Freya," Morgana confirmed.

Gwen sunk her teeth into her bottom lip. "We also need Merlin onboard. How do we convince him to go with us?"

Elyan glanced up at Merlin, who had his phone pressed to his ears and his feet in the water. "I have no idea."

"You fell asleep?"

Merlin groaned. "I know. It was so weird. We got there and Arthur and I had put our feet in the water and then my mind just went blank. Like everything afterward was just a weird dream."

Rowan snorted into the phone. "Jesus Christ, Merlin. You've barely known these people for a month and you go fall asleep? Do you have no self-preservation skills?"

"Who me?" Merlin kicked the water slightly, watching it ripple. "It was just relaxing. They're relaxing. And honestly, I'm terrified. I think they might be brainwashing me or something."

Rowan sighed. "Just come home, Merlin. It's almost three."

Merlin froze. "Wait, what? Shut up." Merlin pulled the phone away to check the time. "Shit."

"You don't want to walk home in the dark. The sun's going to set in a few hours."

Merlin rubbed his forehead. "We're just eating right now. We'll leave in like half an hour."

"Alright. Just… stay safe, yeah?" Rowan's voice went soft.

"Careful, Rowan. I might think you care." Merlin said, a soft smile curling at his lips.

"Shut up, man. See you."

Merlin grinned. "I love you, too." He quickly hung up and glanced at the time again. 3:06

Padding out of the water, he wiped his feet dry on the grass and made his way back to the group, who had fallen suspiciously quiet. "Are you guys alright?"

Gwen smiled, albeit nervously. "Yeah. The sandwiches are good."

"Nice. we should probably leave soon anyway. We don't want to walk home in the dark." Merlin said, grabbing a sandwich for himself.

Morgana tilted her head just slightly to the left. "Of course. We'll leave soon."

Merlin paused, glancing up, suddenly unnerved by the look in her eyes. A hand landed on his thigh and Merlin jumped, looking at Arthur. "Arthur?"

Arthur didn't smile. He stared at Merlin for a while before speaking, his voice soft. "I'm sorry."

And before Merlin could reply, Arthur's lips were crashing into his.

-0-o-0-