Hey look, I finally made it! I swear one of my biggest hurdles is formatting these. It takes awhile, so please bear with me! To make up for it, I'm making this chapter extra long versus breaking it up into two. Thanks everyone for the continued support and please leave a review/constructive criticism.
Chapter 15
My dreams were flashbacks of memories. I remember meeting Caius for the first time, and when he and Jim were a thing. It was the first time a human had rejected vampire venom. He did it to save Jim when rogue newborns hunted us for sport- we suspected there was more behind this than it being as simple as it seemed. There was no way it was random. Perhaps we were being recruited or something? The flashback came quickly in waves and I couldn't make sense of them. I was drowning.
Gasping for air, I woke up to intense amber eyes boring intently into my own. I sighed, realizing I was safe, in my own bed, with Jasper here beside me. Remember the facts, be in the moment. We just met a few days ago, and we went to Volterra. We rescued my cousin's idiot vampire boyfriend, and I was to meet the rest of the family. Caius was alive- or as alive as a vampire could be, especially given he was without a mate. He looked as though he had aged compared to last time- almost impossible for a vampire, but he was far less cruel, and he honored his mate even in death. He made it clear that I had to make a choice though. Since the Volturi knew I wasn't blind to their world, I would either have to join them (as would Bella), or die. He would not be able to spare me a second time.
Jasper ran his hand over my cheek lightly but didn't press for details. It's as if he knew I was in need of comfort and grounding. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me.
I shook my head, placing my hand over his. "I'd rather just get this done with and keep my secrets for now, if I may?"
We got up and he mentioned Edward would most likely be taking Bella over to their home soon, so I hurriedly put on something a bit more suitable to wear. Jasper had made a point to have a car nearby, assuming that I wouldn't want to be carried back. While I enjoyed thrills and speed, he wasn't wrong. Something about the lack of seatbelts and control, I suppose. He opened my door for me and we headed to their house. What was most surprising was the lack of country music- instead, soft piano music filled the car. "Is this Edward's car?"
Jasper laughed. "No, I just like listening to things other than country music. A lot of it is too… poppy these days? I typically prefer alternative rock but on occasion I'll put this on instead. Figured it was more appropriate, but I can switch it to something else if you'd like. I do have to warn you that we'll be there a little sooner than you think." He made a move to hover over the dial with hesitation.
"No, it's fine! It's a lovely song. Very relaxing, given what we're about to endure."
The music played and it wasn't long before we pulled up to a breath-taking structure. "Wow." I breathed, completely stunned. "This must look even more immaculate in the daytime! I would love to meet the architect behind this!"
"Well you'll have a chance to do so yourself inside. Esme, my 'mother' for all intents and purposes, designed it. She likes doing that sort of thing. And she's also an excellent cook, from what your cousin says." He gestured towards the door, then went ahead of me to open it. "You don't have to answer anything you don't want to and there's no reason to be nervous. I'll be right here should you need me. Besides, won't your uncle be far more intense?" His crooked grin prompted me to step through the threshold.
I was led into the living room, which seemed to have been decorated straight out of one of those magazines, or what you might find in a showroom. Very staged, but it looked warm and inviting at the same time. Definitely not something I could complain about. Some of the art pieces around me were clearly much older, and I would be willing to bet they were originals. Alice flitted over to us like a pixie might with a gleeful smile. "It's great that you're here. I haven't told everyone else much about you because I saw that you would feel more comfortable doing so on your terms, but don't worry! Everyone will love you and we are all very happy for Jasper." She grabbed my hand. "Come on, don't be shy! You can also take a seat if you'd like." Four other ethereal beings stood before me. There was a muscular guy, and next to him was a lovely vampire with a cold stare, a blonde man with a kind smile, and a woman with dark hair that wore a similar expression.
"Aw yeah! Another Swan to hang around with us! You did good Jazz, I can't wait to hang out and watch her reactions when I kick your butt at video games- or a wrestling match. I'm Emmett, by the way. And this is Rose. She's not as fond of humans, but she'll come around!"
The blonde huffed beside him. "I can speak for myself you know. He's right though, I don't like this idea- but if Jasper is happy then I'll at least try to tolerate you. Alice said you've been through a lot. I'm Rosalie." She made no move towards me and was content to keep her distance. The woman to her left was not the same.
"We've heard a lot about you. Alice filled us in and it's lovely to meet you. I'm glad that you like my design. Is architecture a field of interest for you?" She had embraced me lightly and for a moment I was too stunned to return it. I regained my composure and returned the gesture before the blonde man cut in.
"And I'm Carlisle. Thank you for helping bring my family back safely. Edward and Alice both have told us briefly about what happened."
"This is all a bit much at once, but thank you kindly. I must admit I haven't heard nearly as much about you; Bella wasn't too forthcoming, and Uncle Charlie didn't mention much either. I am glad to finally meet everyone though. As far as your question Esme, I do like architecture. It's not a major or anything, but more of a hobby like everything else I enjoy. Well, aside from magic- as useful a skill it is, I much would rather I was oblivious at times, if only because we wrestle with the physical aspects instead of it being something from within so it takes a toll eventually."
"I see." Carlisle stated, then continued; "So how did you learn about it or get into it?"
"That is a LONG story. But to give you the readers digest version, my mom was into it. She passed on her knowledge to me and I found like minded people when I was older, thanks to Uncle Brian, then I found out much of the old world most everyone else either forgot or were happy to dismiss as a myth. From how it was explained to me, every human has the potential, though some find it comes more easily than others. Few of us, however, have the patience and/or the innate curiosity to learn and develop anything. Those that can are trusted with the secrets and knowledge. I can't say I know more than that about it though." I sat down gingerly.
"And how do vampires come into play?" Rosalie cut in. I smiled ruefully.
"Again, while it was hard to discern fact from fiction, we are trusted with knowledge. I was stupid enough to want to know the truth in its entirety, and my friends would help me pour through research- then one day we came across a couple of them. Nomads, from the south. They were very kind and I never got names, but they mentioned how they fed off killers and answered our questions. It wasn't long before my friend Jim found one he was mated to- Caius, of all people, when he apparently took a break from the Volturi. I didn't know who he really was until I saw him again in Volterra. Then a couple of months went by and we were caught up in a battle with newborns that were nearing their end and transitioning to their new lives. Many people got hurt as we humans aren't a match for them. One of my friends was bitten and the body was never recovered so we can't confirm or deny that he was successfully turned or if he was drained, and Jim got hurt pretty badly. Caius tried to save him and for some reason the venom reacted adversely and he died a horrid and painful death. Is there anything else you'd like for me to add?"
Jasper hugged me then, and I could feel sympathy from all directions. "Oh, it's not as bad as it seems. I mean, it was hard for awhile. But therapy helped. Obviously I couldn't exactly tell the whole truth and used a lot of metaphors or would just make them seem like night terrors, but I've been through worse and kind of brought that on myself. If it taught me anything it was to not pry into things too deeply. And to not try to learn anything before I am meant to know it." I shrugged. "And before anyone asks, Bella knows nothing. Neither of us knew the other knew anything other-worldly, but I think Bella is privy to what little we've exchanged on magic. She knows about you guys and the shape shifters down in La Push by experience."
Esme looked a mix of horrified and stunned. In fact, all but Rosalie were wearing similar expressions. Carlisle was the first to break the silence. "Well that was certainly a lot to endure. How has your people been able to hide the fact that they know about the supernatural?"
"We just don't tell people, I guess. It keeps us safe and it keeps everything in balance. You still have a right to privacy and coexistence, otherwise your kind wouldn't exist in the first place. Though I guess it will soon be our kind, given the trade off that Aro made. It's hard to wrap my head around how fleeting my mortality actually is, until there's a threat to it."
Alice nodded in sympathy, but Rosalie took that moment to excuse herself. "I'm sorry. I can't deal with anymore of this. It sucks what happened and I will be grateful you helped Edward, but I wouldn't condemn anyone to this life, then here you and Bella are just willing to give it all up. You act like you have no other choice!" Her voice rose slightly near the end. Emmett then made a move to follow her.
"Don't take it personally Lily, Rose will come around soon enough. Hopefully I'll see you again later tonight!" He trailed after his mate. Alice decided to head out as well, leaving Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper with me.
"Would you like something to eat dear? We always have something made on hand for Bella and I can whip something else up just as fast if I need to." Esme asked, and I contemplated, realizing I hadn't had anything since the plane ride back.
"Thank you…. Can I keep it simple and ask for possibly some peanut butter and crackers?" She smiled and headed toward the kitchen. Jasper wrinkled his nose at my request.
"That's not real food you know. You should probably get something more." I looked at Jasper incredulously.
"What? It has protein. It's filling. There's sustenance to be had from it. Besides, my cousin will be here soon enough." As if by some magical cue, the car pulled up outside. "Or they're already here." I shrugged. Esme came back with the peanut butter and crackers plus a water, and the rest of the family filed back in. I guess they hadn't gone too far. Rosalie still looked extremely pissed.
They came in through the door. Edward wore a pained look on his face. Bella was momentarily breathless. "Hey Lily! When did you guys get here?" She asked me.
I shrugged. "Time is a concept that my body is incapable of comprehending for at least a few days, so I honestly have no idea."
"Fair enough! So… I'm guessing everyone knows about what we were told. And that's why I'm here. I don't know what you want to do or how you feel Lily, but ever since I met Edward, I've wanted to be a vampire and stay by his side. You guys all know what I want. So I think it's only fair that we hold a vote."
"Bella…. You do know there are ways to keep the Voturi in the dark if you didn't want to do it immediately. And we both still have a lot of living left to do before our lives inevitably draw to a close. Besides, it's a lot to take in. Both for them, and for us. You have no idea what you're losing when you sign up for this. I'm lucky- Uncle Brian is more aware than Uncle Charlie, but when we do this, we WILL lose them. This world is too dangerous, plus that aside, they will die eventually. You're also giving up your mom and Phil… never being able to have children. It's not something to ask of them so soon." We had matching glares at this point.
"Seriously Lily? You heard the Volturi. And you heard Alice. Just because I haven't been a part of this world as long as you have, doesn't mean I'm stupid! I know what I'm asking for. I'm not saying it has to be today- just after graduation, and it's MY life okay?" The Cullens were understandably uncomfortable, and from the incredibly tense expression I saw from Jasper, I worried that my words upset him. He looked slightly hurt. Rosalie's reaction was more shocking- it's almost as though my words garnered respect.
"Well, it seems one of you understands things. You wanted a vote… and while I'm really grateful what you did for Edward…. I'm sorry Bella, but my vote is no. This isn't a life I would wish on anyone that didn't have to be a part of it. Especially so soon. Your cousin is right, we could keep them from finding out if we had to." Bella was really upset by the blonde's words. She turned to Alice.
"Alice…" Bella hesitated; bracing herself for potential rejection. She was refusing to look at me now. A nice tactic, since I was telling her things she definitely didn't want to hear. But I wasn't having it. Before Alice could cut in I shot up from where I was sitting.
"Hold up. We aren't done here. While I wish we weren't doing this in front of everyone and I definitely don't want to hurt or upset anyone with what I say but you aren't going to act like my feelings and experience don't matter here! I am a part of this as much as you are. The fact is you AREN'T his mate. You're his singer. Does that mean necessarily that you two won't manage to work things out and be together for a long time? No. But does it mean you're the end all be all for each other? I don't want you to eventually resent him for altering your life. This isn't something you can just undo. You can hold this vote and you guys can all make your own choices, but all I'm asking is everyone think about it for two seconds."
"And what about Jasper then… he is supposedly your mate or do you care about that at all?" Bella asked darkly. She was challenging me and I didn't like it. My eyes were burning and I could feel a low hum around the room and through my body.
"We only just met. What he and I talk about and decide is up to US. Until it warrants getting everyone else involved, that's where it stays." I said darkly. I turned my attention off her for a second. "I'm sorry Jasper. I don't want to hurt you especially, or any of your family. And I'm grateful that for the most part everyone has been warm and accepting. But right now, I don't think that I can be any good here. I can see that I'm hurting you- though I can't say for sure if it's my words or the fact I'm so keyed up that I block your efforts to calm me down. It must be overwhelming. With that said, I'm just going to go for now."
"What do you mean go? I brought you here… I can drive you back. Or at least let me walk you back. I'd like to talk." Jasper was hard to turn down. He had a point. And we did need to talk. It was clear that we needed to be on the same page sooner rather than later. I sighed. I had to block out everyone else for now.
"Fine. But not before I say one last thing." I addressed the family then. "I know when I came here, it was unexpected and we were going to talk about the situation with my cousin and I. It's clear that she and I don't share the same views and that isn't something we should hash out in front of you. It's my fault that things aren't going smoothly and I realize I am not communicating in the best way. Thank you for showing me kindness and hospitality by allowing me into your lovely home. And Bella, since you're a terrible liar and unlikely to forgive me for telling you things you don't like, I'll give you space. That way, Uncle Charlie doesn't have to know anything. He's more observant and not nearly as naïve as you think he is. It would hurt him greatly to know we're fighting and I don't want him getting the wrong ideas."
With that, I walked past her and Edward out the door. I didn't wait for Jasper to follow me, but I knew he wasn't far behind. Running my hands through my hair, I sighed. It wasn't long before Jasper was in step right behind me.
"You're lost." He observed. His blond waves were barely visible in the lack of light.
I smiled ruefully, "That I am. And you're being overly cautious. Understandable, but still. So much for taking things slow I guess." His hand brushed lightly over mine. Taking a chance, I grabbed it. "Look. I'm sorry for back there. I wish sometimes that I wasn't so intense. I know that I probably hurt you physically as well. Being an empath can't be easy. I hope you can forgive me."
"Nothing to forgive. I didn't realize you felt so strongly about giving everything up… But I should've. And that's on me. Perhaps I should say what I feel instead of letting you assume things." He pulled me closer. "Truthfully, I'm nervous. With how strongly you spoke in there, I worry that you may not accept me or that this isn't really what you want either. I don't want to force you into anything, ever. And I definitely don't want you to lose out on anything by being with me. I had a very different… upbringing, shall we say than my adopted siblings." We started walking just then, his hand not leaving mine.
"I get the feeling there's a lot we don't know about each other still. But everyone has a story. You could tell me that you murdered thousands and it still wouldn't make me reject you. It's not that I don't want to be with you, and I don't think you'd ever have me miss out on anything. At least not intentionally. But there are things I want to do first. And a part of me is scared that I will lose the magic. It's my last connection I have to my mom. I was really young when she died. But going back to us- if anything, I'm scared you won't accept me."
He looked surprised by this. "Why would you think that?"
"I don't know… You just seem so… kind and respectable. Plus, you're intelligent. You've also got wisdom, courage, strength… Really, you know who you remind me of? I saw this painting once of Mars, the God of War. Fierce but beautiful. And a walking sex symbol to boot. I don't know how to measure up to ever be remotely good enough."
Jasper laughed. "A walking sex symbol? Well that's a new one. It must have been some painting. I'm flattered." He turned serious. "But really, you think too highly of me. And how you think you're not good enough is beyond me.
Lily, you are unlike any woman I've ever come across in all my years. I want to be able to share everything with you. The good and the bad. You're right when you said we've only just met and still have a lot to learn about each other."
"So… How should we go about this then? The sharing thing."
"I don't really know. We just talk and go from there, unless you have a better idea. For now though, I'm done talking." He scooped me up without warning and his scent invaded my senses. "You look like you're going to drop at any moment." I was stunned. My whole body was acutely aware of his. This man was something else. One thing was certain. I was already falling for him. Hard.
I am so screwed.
