Arthur knelt in the water, digging his fingers into the wet sand below. He closed his eyes and tried to sense the presence of Freya. He was always terrible at recognizing magic. A sudden hand slipped around his arm as Morgana slid to the ground beside him. She didn't look over at it, but there was a comfort in the touch that Arthur hadn't felt in years.

Morgana whispered under her breath, too soft for Arthur to catch. She sunk deeper into the water, her eyes slipping shut. Slowly Gwen sank down beside Morgana and Lancelot beside her. They all lined up at the shore, praying to the triple goddess, to the immortals of Avalon, to let them pass.

Arthur held his breath and called out, pleading. Freya.

After what felt like an eternity, Arthur lost it, shoving himself to his feet. "This isn't working. Why the hell is Freya going to come back anyway?"

Morgana shot him a dirty look. "She's not going to come back if you keep acting like an ignorant fool."

"Don't be stupid, Morgana. We're wasting our time. If Freya doesn't want to help Merlin, we can't force her."

"If you use that type of logic and why the hell are you so adamant on getting Merlin back. He clearly doesn't want to."

"That's different." Arthur snarled. "He never asked for this."

Morgana stood up, whirling around. "Yeah? Well, neither did Freya. Do you know how long she's been here watching the man she loves break apart and being able to do nothing about it? Do you think she asked to be killed and made into this stupid immortal goddess?"

"Well, it is certainly better than living as a cursed druid."

Morgana started and turned to see Freya, who was perched on one of the large rocks in the lake. Her head was cupped in her palms and her eyes twinkled with amusement.

"Freya." Morgana breathed. "You're here."

"Well, your relentless arguing disturbed me." She said, swinging her feet into the water.

"We need your help. I know that you think everything is hopeless and it's valid but all we need is to get to the Isle of Avalon and we can take it from there."

Freya furrowed her eyebrows looking past Morgana to where Merlin was passed out on the grass. "What did you do to Merlin?"

Arthur pushed forward. "We're trying to help him. He's not hurt or anything. We just had to make sure he won't fight us."

Freya stared at Arthur for a second before looking away. "I'm afraid you misunderstood me. It's not that I won't help you. It's that I can't."

Morgana stepped forward. "We just need a boat to the island—"

"I know. I can't. This world is much different than what you once knew, Morgana. Over the years, magic was sucked from the natural world. I'm not that powerful. My magic faded over the years. Only the most powerful magical creatures can survive."

"Then how are you still here?"

Freya's lips curled. "Merlin, probably. He's the most powerful sorcerer in the world. He's the embodiment of magic."

"Ok, so he's right here. Even I can feel his magic and I lost mine. If he's the embodiment of magic then his presence must help you."

Freya raised an eyebrow. "Then why don't you have your magic back, hmm? He's right here, isn't he?"'

"No. I mean— you're probably more powerful than me. Didn't you bring us back to life? Isn't that magic?" Morgana asked, desperation edging in her voice.

"That wasn't my magic, Morgana. That was Merlin's." Freya let out a harsh sigh. "You don't understand, alright? It's not as easy as you make it out to be."

Arthur pushed in front of Morgana. "No. You think it's so much harder than it really is! This is Merlin. Merlin. We need him back. I need him back."

Freya slipped down from the rock. "Do you realize how selfish you sound?"

Leon was there in an instant, holding Arthur back. "Freya. All we're asking is a way to get to the island. If you can't help us, we understand—"

"Like hell we do—" Arthur growled.

"—but if there is anything you can tell us to help, it would mean the world." Leon continued, ignoring Arthur. "I get that you don't want to do this. But we do. And you can't stop us."

Freya stared at Leon, her eyes hard. "I want Merlin back more than anything in this world."

"You said that it wasn't your magic that brought us back, but Merlin's. Is there any way you can harness Merlin's energy to help us?"

"You want me to use Merlin's magic?"

"No," Leon said, his face twisted bitterly. "Merlin has unconsciously used his magic before. It was his magic that woke up Morgana."

Freya strode past them to Merlin. She crouched down and scooped him up easily. Making her way back to the water, she carefully lowered Merlin into the lake.

"Careful. Don't wake him up."

Freya pressed her palm to his forehead, ignoring Arthur's words. "This is one of the only places in the world where magic still thrives. I've grown weak over the years but those on the Isle have gotten stronger. Magic was once woven into the very fabric of the world. Now, the earth is stripped bare of it. But you cannot destroy magic. You only move it. All the magic in the world is now concentrated in a few select places."

Freya's voice took on a low, steady tone, her palm trembling. "There's the Isle of the Blessed, which is now an abandoned island in the middle of a drained lake. There is, of course, the Lake of Avalon, where magic thrives in its waters and on its island. And then there's Merlin. The amount of power in him is breath-taking. But it's also draining. Merlin hasn't tapped into his magic in over thousands of years. It's settled in him. It's vibrating beneath his skin but it's trapped."

Leon jerked, stumbling back as the skin where Freya's palm touched Merlin shone golden.

"You've got the right idea. But the Sidhe are nearly extinct." Freya said, her eyes curious as Merlin shuddered and curled beneath her fingers.

Morgana crouched down beside Freya. "That's impossible. The Sidhe are immortal."

Freya chuckled. "Immortality is not forever, Morgana. While some are thriving, others are being drained of their power. If I'm being honest, I'm surprised it took so long. The Sidhe have lost their purpose. There's nothing here to keep them alive. You can have all the magic in the world, and they very nearly do, but without a purpose for it, they're useless. The world is moving on. They are too. It won't be long until Merlin does as well."

"Merlin's losing his magic?"

"Magic thrives on magic. It's hard to explain." Freya pulled her hand away, and Merlin's skin faded back to normal. "Merlin's dying. And it's up to you to stop it."

"He's what?" Arthur demanded, his eyes wide.

Freya smiled bitterly. "I'm sorry if I was stubborn before. Trust me when I say that immortality is not a blessing. It's a curse. But it doesn't last forever. Nothing does. If you don't help Merlin, he's not going to wander the earth for eternity. At least not like this. He'll fade. He'll sink into the ground and his magic will return to where it once came from."

"What do we do?"

Freya looked up. "You do what I never had the courage to do. Save him."

Morgana reached down as if to touch Merlin, but hesitated, her palm hovering over his shoulder. Freya leaned forward and covered Morgana's palm, pushing it down until Merlin was shuddering from the twin touch.
"I am sorry, Morgana. I hope you find your peace. And I hope that Merlin can give it to you." Freya whispered and then looked up at Arthur, whose expression was unreadable. "Don't let him down, Arthur."

And before Arthur could reply, his entire world went blindingly gold.

-0-o-0-

Merlin's head throbbed. Not in a hangover fashion, but more like he had slammed it into a rock. Then again, they both feel awfully similar. Rolling his head to the side, Merlin could see the sun in the distance, moments away from dipping below the horizon. The sky was a blend of orange and yellow and pink and purple and the colors flashed in his mind, bursting beneath his eyelids.

I want you to always be you.

Merlin could feel a sudden breeze and dirt beneath his fingernails and cold, cold, looks from across the roaring fire that faded into something that one might call acceptance. People crowded around him, the heat closing in and all he could hear was tumbling words and tearing screams and— Merlin shuddered, his mind crashing in on itself and twisting and curling into something it was not, and by the time he wrenched his eyes open, he was alone.

Merlin gasped, jerking up only to be slowly eased down by something he couldn't see. Every inch of Merlin was trembling. He was stranded, alone, beneath a tall towering tree. In the distance, he could see a broken tower that rose into the sky. Merlin blinked. He had to be dreaming. A few dozen feet down was the water that seemed to stretch for miles and Merlin could scarcely breathe because there was no way in hell he was on the Isle of Avalon.

Merlin staggered to his feet, stumbling. He couldn't remember the last thing that happened. Had they just arrived at the lake? Was this after lunch? Before he called Rowan? Everything seemed jumbled up like someone had taken his memories and tied them into something new. Something unrecognizable.

"Elyan?" Merlin's voice was soft and barely moved through the open air. "Morgana!"

Merlin shuffled over, through the scattered trees and grass. As he neared the iconic broken tower, Merlin noticed caves clustered at the base. The caves seemed to drag him forward and before he knew it, he was creeping his way through the largest one. The narrow tunnel widened into a cavern that seemed to stretch a quarter of a mile through. It was definitely not that big from the outside. But Merlin didn't have time to worry about that because the moment he entered, he was blinded by the glowing crystals that covered the stone walls.

He moved forward, entranced by the diamond. Reaching up he smoothed a hand over the hard surface and in an instant, he was sucked from reality.

Merlin raised a hand toward the fire, mumbling a spell. The flames shifted instantly, twirling itself into a butterfly that flapped its wings pathetically against the wind and smoke.

"Merlin?"

Merlin jumped, his blood running cold. He didn't turn around. He knew that voice. Oh, Jesus, his mother was going to kill him. Will crept forward and entered Merlin's line of vision.

"How the heck did you do that?"

Merlin looked up, feigning innocent, hoping his best friend didn't see right through his act. "Do what?"

Will gave a nervous chuckle, backing away. "Don't play dumb. You-you moved the fire. You made a butterfly."

Merlin barked out a laugh, forcing his hand to stop trembling on his thigh. "What? You're seeing things, Will."

Will's eyes drilled holes into Merlin's face and it took every ounce of his willpower to not look away. To not get up and run for his life. He knew Will. They grew up together. But this was a whole other level of trust. Will huffed out an incredulous breath. "You have magic."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I think you need some sleep, Will."

Will moved forward. He didn't look scared. If anything, he looked curious. "I know what I saw. Oh my fucking god. You have magic."

Merlin winced, covering his ears. "Jesus, Will. Watch your language. And shut up. I don't have magic."

Will's lips pressed together in an effort not to smile. "Oh my god. This is the best day of my life. Are you serious? Are you, like, good at it?"

"Good at what?" Merlin snapped, looking away. His heart patterned out of control, threatening to beat out of his chest.

Will carefully lowered himself onto the log Merlin was sitting. "Hey. I won't tell anyone." He winked. "It can be our dirty little secret."

"There's no secret. Go away, Will." Merlin dropped his head into his hands. Deep breaths.

Will inched a bit closer, laying his palm on the back of Merlin's shoulder. Merlin jerked away, staggering to his feet. "Don't. Just— go. You're talking crazy."

Will was up on his feet in an instant. "No. This is a good thing. I've always wanted to mess with Old Man Simmons and if you have magic then we could actually get away with it. Don't you see? It would be so cool. So, I was thinking—"

Merlin backed away. "What? You want to play pranks? Are you out of your mind?"

Will grinned. "I think you're out of your mind. Look, here's the deal. If you let use your magic to fell Old Man Simmon's tree into his garden, I'll forgive you."

Merlin blinked. "Forgive me?"

Will shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Yeah. For never telling me this. It's so cool. It's not a bad thing, Merlin. No one else has to know."

Merlin stared, trying to calm his breath. "Oh. You're not going to tell anyone?"

Will's eyes sparkled with mischief. "Hey. I'm the prince, remember? Prince William of Ealdor? I don't have to tell anyone anything. It'll be our secret, yeah?"

Merlin blew out a breath. "Ok. Ok. Oh my god. Mum is going to kill me."

Will stepped forward, grabbing Merlin's bicep. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?"

Merlin stumbled back, his legs catching on air to send him tumbling to the ground. He gasped out, his breath coming in heavy pants. The scene was vivid in his mind as if he'd lived through it himself. Maybe he had. He had no memory of ever being that young, only twelve if his eyes didn't deceive him.

Merlin swallowed, pressing a hand to his head. He was definitely losing his mind. Magic wasn't real. Right?

"I'm afraid if magic doesn't exist, then neither do you."

Merlin launched himself to his feet, backing away at the unfamiliar voice. At the entrance, was a woman. Her blonde hair fell in waves to her waist and her grey eyes chilled Merlin to the bone. She moved further into the cave and brushed her fingers against the crystals on the wall. She was absolutely gorgeous, and it was because of that Merlin instantly feared for his life. It was always the pretty ones.

She tilted her head, eyes clouding with amusement. "I've never heard that before. I do appreciate the compliment. But I'm not here to hurt you. If I did, I'm afraid I wouldn't live very long."

Merlin sucked in a breath, not daring to respond. Did she just read his mind?

"I did. I might as well introduce myself. I'm Evaine. It's a pleasure to meet the child of the gods himself. Though you look rather pathetic right now, cowering against the wall." Evaine said, her lips curling.

Merlin closed his eyes and tried to regain his senses. He was just going insane. It's just a dream.

"It's never just dreams, Merlin. Dreams aren't real. Dreams don't exist. This, on the other hand, is very much real. And what you saw in that crystal was also very real. It was a very important part of your childhood. Of your journey in magic." Evaine moved closer and Merlin just realized that she was gripping a scepter in her left hand, a blue crystal gleaming from its perch on top.

Merlin opened his mouth and then snapped it shut, reconsidering his words. "W-where am I?"

"I thought that was rather obvious. It's a crystal cave. Granted, you've been to more powerful ones, but this is the most powerful one on the island. I know that you've had bad experiences with crystals but don't worry. You're not looking into the future, today. That's still undecided. After all, you need to know your past before you can glimpse the future. And if things go the way they are right now, I'm afraid your future won't be very bright." Evaine said, walking forward until they were just a few feet away.

"My past?" Merlin asked, wincing when his voice cracked.

"When your friends came begging for me to help you, I didn't think I could. After all, you're a million times more powerful than me. But I realized that it's not just the power of magic that's needed. But the power of love."

Merlin snorted before he could hold it in. "The power of love? We're not living in a fucking fairy tale okay? Where are my friends? What have you done with them?"

Evaine raised an eyebrow. "Easy, there. Even without remembering, you still have an undying loyalty to your king, hmm?"

Merlin furrowed his eyebrows, backing further into the cave. "This is madness. I can't—"

"Calm down." Evaine rolled her eyes. "Your friends are fine. Here."

She twirled the scepter in her hands and then slammed into the hard rock below their feet. There was a loud crack and then in a flash of light, eight disgruntled bodies crashed into the cave. Merlin yelled, jerking back at the sudden appearance.

Percival groaned, shoving Elyan off of him and pushing himself to his feet. "That was unnecessarily painful."

Gwaine flopped onto his back, cradling his head. "I second that."

Merlin blinked. "Elyan?"

The man in question looked up, his eyes lighting up when he saw Merlin. "Hey, Merlin! Thank god, I thought she killed you or something."

"What the hell is going on? What did you do to me?"

Elyan rushed forward. "Easy. Everything's going to be alright. Just trust me."

Merlin gave a disbelieving laugh. "Trust you? Jesus fucking Christ, I never should've gone on this trip with you all. I barely even know you."

"Merlin—"

"That's it." Merlin dug through his pockets relieved to find his phone. "I'm calling Rowan. I need to leave, alright?"

Elyan cursed. Merlin was just about to click on Rowan's name when Elyan reached over and snatched the phone, hurling it towards the wall. It instantly shattered against the crystals and thumped to the ground. It took Merlin a good five seconds to realize what happened.

"Did you just shatter my phone? That was expensive, what the hell?"

"Merlin, I promise you, your phone is the least of our problems. I'll fix it later." Elyan swore.

"Fix it?" Merlin marched over and snatched up the phone, which was nearly breaking in his fingers. "You can't fix this. It costs money, you know. Well, actually you don't since you're fucking homeless and didn't even know what a phone was before you met me!"

Gwaine suddenly snickered. "Oh, burn."

Merlin covered his face with his hands, blowing out a slow sigh. "I have to go. I don't know what type of sick game this is but—"

Merlin's fingers brushed the crystal nearest to him and his voice faltered as the crystal seemed to shine beneath his fingers. Merlin bent down looking closer and by the time he realized what he'd done, his eyes peered into the depths of the reflecting glass and he was gone.

Merlin stepped into the large citadel and his eyes caught on the crowd in the center. He tugged the straps of his bag over his shoulder and forced himself to move forward. His mother's words were drilled into his head. Be careful. And if Merlin was being honest, he was more excited than scared to be in Camelot.

It was his future home. And it was so much larger than what Merlin had anticipated. His heartbeat was so loud he nearly missed the words from the man on the balcony.

"Let this serve as a lesson to all. This man, Thomas James Collins, is adjudged guilty of conspiring to use enchantments and magic. And, pursuant to the laws of Camelot, I, Uther Pendragon, have decreed that such practices are banned on penalty of death. I pride myself as a fair and just king, but for the crime of sorcery, there is but one sentence I can pass."

The king, Uther Pendragon, raised his arm and looked over at the executioner.

Merlin's blood ran cold when he realized what was happening. Uther's hand dropped and Merlin winced looking away, the thud of the axe on the wood echoing through the citadel.

"When I came to this land, this kingdom was mired in chaos, but with the people's help magic was driven from the realm. So I declare a festival to celebrate twenty years since the Great Dragon was captured and Camelot freed from the evil of sorcery. Let the celebrations begin." The king declared and turned away from the balcony. His face was joyful and it made Merlin sick to the stomach.

This was not what Merlin was expecting. He barely even noticed as the sorcerer's mother appeared and yelled to the king.

"There is only one evil in this land, and it is not magic! It is you!"

The words seemed to echo in his mind on repeat and drown out everything else. He'd truly thought his mother was exaggerating when she sat him down to explain the dangers of the land. But this...this was horrifying.

Merlin watched, dazed, as the woman disappeared in a whirl of wind and smoke, leaving nothing but dust behind. He pressed his trembling lips together and tilted his chin up to watch and Uther backed into the castle, his face twisted in anger and disgust. But Merlin could see the slight fear in his eyes.

He swallowed roughly and backed away along with the rest of the crowd, making sure to avoid the center, where the decapitated head had rolled off.

Camelot was not a magic-friendly place. And as he made his way to the physician's chambers, he'd be damned if he let any more innocent sorcerers die at Uther's hand.

But what Merlin didn't realize at that time, was that his views would soon change. His hard fast determination and focus would shift from saving magic to saving Arthur. And that somewhere along the way, he wouldn't even know the difference.

Merlin wrenched his hand away, breathing heavily. He snapped his eyes open and suddenly every time he blinked, all he could see was that man's head rolling off the platform and towards him. Almost tauntingly. He could've saved him. He could've saved them all. But he instead backed away, cowered away and hid in the shadows and—

"Merlin."

He jerked back at Gwen's soft voice. Her eyes were filled with worry and her hands seemed to clench at the air like she wanted to lunge forward and wrap him in a hug. Merlin took in a strangled breath and clasped a hand over his mouth. What the hell was wrong with him? What was that?

"That was you, Merlin," Evaine spoke suddenly. "That was all you. Your memories. Your thoughts. Your life. Don't you want to remember? Remember who you used to be?"

"That wasn't me." Merlin's voice sounded broken even to his own ears. "That can't be me."

Arthur took slow steps forward as if Merlin was just a rabbit who was easily scared off. "It's okay, Merlin. Let us help you."

Merlin staggered back, his heart pounding and mind whirling with visions and memories and dreams

Arthur easily caught Merlin as he stumbled and helped lower him to the ground. The other crept forward hesitantly, careful not to startle Merlin.

"Just breath. Give in. It's okay." Arthur's voice was ever so soft and sent shudders down Merlin's spine. "Stop fighting. It's just me, right? Arthur? Your king. Your friend?"

Merlin wheezed out a broken laugh. "My dollophead."

He didn't notice when Arthur's arms tensed. The words bounced around in his mind and it was getting harder to keep his eyes open. He barely noticed when Evaine started chanting softly, a dozen or so small blue fairies flooding into the cave, joining in.

Merlin gripped Arthur's arm painfully, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

There was a wooden boat and a red cape and strangled yelling that pierced Merlin to his very core. I failed?

Merlin nearly threw up, pressing his forehead to Arthur's chest. Arthur's alive and breathing chest. "You're okay. Just let go. Let yourself fall."

Merlin grit his teeth, the fog nearly blinding him. He pushed forward, catching himself when he saw the ground drop down into the void. A large, deep, gaping void that seemed so, so familiar but sent fear trickling down its spine. It dragged Merlin forward. Urged him to move. But after so many years of pulling back, he just couldn't let go.

Arthur's hands slipped around his waist. The chanting got louder and his entire body seemed to vibrate. "Come on, Merlin. I'm right here. Come find me."

Merlin took a staggering step forward, his knees nearly bucking at the weight. The edge was right there, just within reach. Just let yourself fall.

Merlin gasped and dug his fingers into Arthur's shirt. He peered through the fog. The void seemed to stretch on forever but the only way to get to the other side was to fall. Merlin inched forward, the edge of the cliff digging into his feet. Arthur's voice was fading and Merlin clung on with all his might, trying his hardest not to lose him.

Arthur's fingers gripped his hips almost painfully. "I got you."

Merlin closed his eyes and swayed dangerously to the side, his entire body vibrating with energy. With power. With magic. The entire world was tinted the most blinding gold. Just, just hold me.

Merlin tipped forward, his breath suddenly catching on the sudden tilt of the world. I want to say something I've never said to you before.

Arthur's lips pressed to his ear, his voice so, so soft, but achingly loud at the same time. Everything he knew was slowly crumbling and there seemed to be no air around Merlin to breathe in. Thank you. The fog cleared.

"I love you," Arthur whispered.

And Merlin fell.

-0-o-0-