Hello everyone. We are ALMOST into Eclipse. Obviously having Lily introduced would change the timelines and story a bit, but it seems like it's splitting a lot further away from the Twilight saga than I had anticipated. I hope that you guys don't totally hate it! Thank you to all who've stuck by me as the story progresses- your patience means a lot to me. It took a long time to figure out making it more pleasing to read. I wish I could go back and edit some of the other chapters. Hope you enjoy the update- Constructive criticism and reviews encouraged!
Chapter 16
I wanted to kiss him. His face was so close to mine. In that moment, I wondered how he would taste- and would he be demanding or gentle? We still had a lot to talk about. I had to focus. But he said we were done talking for now. So what was on his mind instead? We were only about half an hour in, and he started to pick up the pace. The silence between us made it hard to focus.
"Well that woke you up! Any thoughts you care to disclose aloud?" He teased; a half smirk played against his lips and his darkened honey eyes held a mischievous glint. Damn. I'd been caught.
"Again. So much for taking any of this slow! I don't get it. Why am I suddenly so attracted to you?" I blurted out in mild frustration.
"Do you know anything about the mating process?" I shook my head, so he continued. "From what I hear, and now experience, it's like when you both acknowledge the bond things get…. Complicated. Or in our case they would be. Supposedly it's very tough to stay away from each other and the bond will make you want to ah…" He paused, looking for the right word. "Consummate it? Or at least fast track the relationship. Edward says Rosalie and Emmett were the worst when they found each other. It was awhile before anyone could stand to be near them."
"What about with you and Alice?" I asked, truly curious now.
"We weren't nearly as bad. And we do love each other- but the sex with her, while good, just didn't feel… right. Not that I had much experience before her. I can't really remember much of my human life, but I joined the Confederate Army and was the youngest major in the Texas Cavalry. Not much time for anything, especially women. Though I did have a sister that I doted on. She was real sweet and was the sickly type. I had a few flings here and there but nothing serious until I found myself joining a new army…"
Jasper swallowed. "Well; let's just say it wasn't the best time in my life, nor the best relationship. I thought what Maria, my sire, and I had was love. But I was her puppet. After I left, I wandered about and tried to give my life some meaning and purpose. I was lost after it. Then I'm ashamed to say I did some terrible things, until I met Alice. I didn't even look at another girl until she started having blurred visions of you. So in a fashion going against my raising, can I ask your story? Only if you're comfortable."
"Sexually or dating wise?" I quipped.
"Umm… whatever you're comfortable sharing."
"Buckle up then cowboy, this is a wild ride! My body count is twelve. Dating wise at least. Let's see… sexually I'm at seven. To be fair though, four of them don't count. Jim was my first. He was questioning, and we slept together to get our first times over with. We loved each other, but not in that way. It was easiest to do it with someone I cared about. Then I found a guy… he was sweet, charming… seemed to have his life together but had been through a lot. He had been to rehab after surviving a drug overdose. He had talent and was going places, but his parents controlled him with money and didn't allow him to fall and really learn from or face the consequences of his mistakes. It didn't help that he was bipolar. He wasn't violent to anyone other than himself. The substance abuse came from not being on meds then the relapse was not taking them consistently. Anyway, we broke up and it was out of the frying pan right into fire. I took a break from people… then wound up in an abusive relationship that took awhile to get away from. Longer than it should've, I'm ashamed to admit."
I sighed, then continued "During the time I was with him, he drugged me. He made me drink a ton of alcohol, which he laced with fentanyl or on occasion, heroin-based ecstasy. He smoked weed and would get angry if I didn't join in. There's still a large part of memory that I draw blanks from. Couldn't say for sure if it's trauma based or party induced. Apparently, he got his way though. I don't even remember some of the people I slept with. He wanted me to have threesomes, but I wouldn't consent to them when I was sober. I found out I was pregnant too late for an abortion, and made a plan to leave him. Jim and Sebastian were helping me get away. Within two weeks, I lost the baby. I haven't bothered to be in another relationship or even wanted to since. Well, until now that is, I guess."
My pulse quickened and I felt shame flood my cheeks. Suddenly, I was feeling way more vulnerable than I wanted to. "Ummm.. So yeah. Anyway… You can, ah, put me down now." He did as requested and I felt worse. Crossing my arms close to my body, my voice cut through the silence again. "I've never really had luck with falling for people. I always wanted to heal others or help them by being there while they fixed themselves or offer to fix them myself. It wasn't the best idea in the long run, as you might imagine." My thoughts were slightly bitter.
"I hope you don't think badly of me. But it's because of this that I don't want to mess it up. And my experiences made me realize what I still want to do in my life before it ends. For the recored, I think after hearing your story, I admire you that much more. Mars truly is fitting for you."
He tilted his head. "So you aren't afraid of me? I get the feeling that you think a bit too highly of me and that you may be worried that you may not be good enough based on how you said that."
"And if I do? What if I feel that you are too good for me?"
"Well then Darlin', I might just have to prove otherwise…"
I hadn't realized he had slowly backed me into a tree. His lips were dangerously close to my ear, sending shivers down my body. The accent was doing me in… Hell. His everything was. There was a hum in the air and in this moment, I had never felt more alive or aware of anyone else. The tension was palpable.
"Why Jasper! If I didn't know any better I'd say you were about to utterly destroy me."
He smirked, the lust rolling off of him. Or maybe it was mine?
"I'd say we're about to go up in flames then."
