Lancelot nearly had a heart attack when he caught sight of Merlin by the shore. He was seated on top of a large rock and his eyes were unfocused, deep in thought. Lancelot moved forward and wadded into the shallow water. He pulled himself up beside Merlin and grinned when Merlin jumped at the movement.
"Hey." Lancelot held his breath, bracing himself.
Merlin gaped at him for half a second before he lurched forward and tackled Lancelot into the water. They both crashed into the ground, instantly getting soaked.
"Lancelot. You fucking bastard." Merlin shoved him up onto the shore and pinned him to the sand.
Lancelot snorted. "Nice to see you too."
Merlin pushed his wrists further into the sand. "I'm going to kill you."
Lancelot winced at the pressure. "Not my fault. Gwaine and Arthur hogged you all of yesterday and I didn't get any time to visit."
"Serves you right," Merlin growled and then shoved off Lancelot to toppled into the sand beside him. "I can't believe you."
Lancelot turned over to face Merlin. "I'm sorry."
Merlin rolled his eyes. "No, you're not. You're too noble for that. You don't regret a thing."
"I didn't do it for Gwen, you know."
Merlin swallowed roughly and turned away, deflating instantly. "I know. That just makes everything worse."
"And what type of friend would I be if I let you sacrifice yourself? You and Arthur still had so much to accomplish. I couldn't take you away from that."
"You left me, Lance. You were really the only person I ever confided in. And after you died, I don't know what happened to me." Merlin murmured, moving to sit up.
Lancelot followed, nudging Merlin's shoulder. "I did what I thought was right. I knowingly gave myself up because of the future that you and Arthur had to build together. "
Merlin shook his head. "I failed. I lost my way and Arthur and I never built the golden kingdom. Gwen did."
"Don't be an idiot, Merlin. Just because Gwen legalized magic doesn't mean she built it. She couldn't have done all she did if you and Arthur hadn't carved the path for her."
"That's bullshit. It was my destiny to protect Arthur. And he died before we could do anything."
"No. Your destiny was to unite the lands. And you did. Indirectly or directly."
Merlin opened his mouth in protest but Lancelot cut him off. "Don't argue with me. You can't change my mind."
Merlin sighed and looked down. "You can believe what you want, Lance. But let's be honest. You were the only reason I stayed sane all those years."
"That wasn't me, Merlin. You were never alone. You just believe you were. But the past doesn't matter anymore. We're all here now. For you."
Merlin lets out a shuddering breath and falls against Lancelot. "I've missed you."
Lancelot slipped an arm around his waist and squeezed. "What are you doing outside?"
"It felt claustrophobic. To be trapped in there with all the crystals and the memories and I just had to get out." Merlin said.
"Where's Arthur?"
"Sleeping, probably. I couldn't rest so I left."
Lancelot pursed his lips, looking over the lake. "Thank you."
Merlin looked up. "Whatever for?"
"You gave me a life. You brought me to Camelot and without you I would just be roaming aimlessly across the earth, wasting my life." Lancelot stifled a sigh.
"It's the least I could do. Granted, I was selfish because I needed a friend. I'm just glad you were happy there. Though most of it was probably Gwen."
Lancelot's cheeks flushed. "How did you—"
"She told me. And don't think I didn't see the way you two looked at each other in Camelot. Gwen never looked at Arthur like that."
Lancelot hummed softly. "No, she didn't. You were the one who freed me from Morgana's magic, right? When I was the shade?"
"I was. You were already dead and I couldn't let you go all tainted with her magic. I wanted you to be at peace. It was one of the cruelest things Morgana did. Then again, I was always when it came to you."
"You were never selfish. I'm just sorry you had to go through that." Lancelot murmured.
Merlin closed his eyes, not bothering to reply.
"Have you talked to her yet?"
Merlin snorted. "No. I don't have the emotional capacity for that right now. Seeing Arthur again was hard enough. He's changed. He's so much more vulnerable."
"Can't blame him. I'm honestly surprised you're okay. I've always known you were strong but this is another level."
"I'm not strong. I just wasn't done with you all yet." Merlin looked up and met Lancelot's gaze.
Lancelot smiled. "You're the bravest of us all, Merlin. I'm surprised you still don't see it."
"It's easy to be brave when I have people like you to fall back on." Merlin's lips quirked up the tiniest bit, his shoulders relaxing slightly. "It's easier than I thought."
"Do you have your magic back?"
Merlin grinned, flexing his fingers. "It never left. It's a bit wonky but I can control it fine."
"You know, Morgana isn't able to control her magic anymore. She's actually taking lessons from Ascalon."
Merlin snorted. "Good for her. Now she knows how it feels."
"If I show you, will you pass out again?"
Merlin looked up. "Oh no. You're not bringing me to her."
Lancelot grinned, tugging Merlin to his feet. "Come on. You've done plenty of stupid things and this is where you back out?"
Merlin stalled, digging his feet into the sand. "I- Lance, I'm serious."
"I am too. It's been more than a few days since you woke up and this is the first time you've come out. You can't avoid her forever. And don't blame it on your brain, alright? You know it's not that."
Merlin's gaze fell to his feet.
"You brought her back for a reason, yes? You wanted to make amends with her. It's been so long and I get that you're angry but you've got to let it go." Lancelot prodded softly.
Merlin bit the inside of his cheek. "In my defense, most of the past few days I was sleeping."
"And the rest of it was you flirting with Arthur so come on."
Merlin sputtered. "Hey—"
Lancelot rolled his eyes and pulled Merlin along. They heard Morgana before they saw her. Reaching up to the clearing, Lancelot followed the sound of Morgana's frustrated yell. Merlin followed curiously and watched as Ascalon stepped closer to Morgana, trying to urge her to copy his movements.
"Has she used her magic since?"
Lancelot furrowed his eyebrows. "She did shove Arthur into the lake during an argument. God, she was pissed off."
"So it's triggered by her emotions." Merlin watched as Morgana growled in frustration. "We just have to get her angry."
Lancelot raised an eyebrow. "And how do you suppose we do that?"
Merlin gave Lancelot a knowing look.
"Oh, hell no. That's a terrible idea."
Merlin winked and turned back to Morgana. "Kill two birds with one stone, yeah? It'll be fine."
"Merlin—" Lancelot hissed but Merlin broke through the bushes and entered the clearing.
-0-o-0-
Morgana squeezed her eyes shut and focused on Ascalon's soft words. She repeated the spell and thrust out with her arms. There was barely a shift in the air. Ascalon was silent. Morgana groaned and opened her eyes to find Ascalon wasn't even focused on her, but rather a point behind. "Ascalon."
He jumped. turning back towards Morgana, an almost nervous look flashing over his features. "Yes. That was great."
Morgana blinked. "I didn't even—"
"So we're trying to manipulate air, right? Just focus on what's around you. On what you're breathing."
Morgana dropped her hands to her hips. "What the hell do you think I've been doing?"
Ascalon winced, rubbing his hands on his pants. "You're not paying attention. Do it again. And keep your eyes open this time."
Morgana clenched her teeth and brought her hands up. She moved to do the spell when a sudden breeze went by and air twisted before her. Morgana stumbled back. "Hey. I'm supposed to do the spell."
"That's not me, Morgana," Ascalon whispered.
For a moment she wondered if it was her own magic that was acting up. Morgana blinked at the mini-whirlwind for a few tortuously long moments before she realized whose magic it was. And her blood ran cold at the familiar sensation.
"You're focusing on the spell, not the actual thing you're trying to manipulate. That's your problem."
Morgana stiffened, not daring to turn around. Ascalon's face was lit up and Morgana suddenly realized why he'd gotten so suddenly distracted. Of course. He worshipped Merlin like some kind of god. Or rather, he worshipped Emrys.
"If you don't mind, Ascalon, I'd like to try with her." Merlin strode right past her and Morgana could barely hold back her flinch at the movement.
Ascalon was already nodding. "Yes. Of course. I haven't trained many people before and I'm afraid I'm not very good at this."
Merlin laughed. "Don't worry. She's a special case. I have an idea to get her magic back."
Merlin turned on his heel and faced her. For a moment, Morgana could fool herself into thinking that Merlin was relaxed. But she could see the underlying discomfort and fear in his eyes. She could see the tenseness of his shoulders and the way his movements were steady and practiced like he couldn't afford to let himself go.
Merlin watched her curiously. "How are you feeling?"
Morgana swallowed, trying to gather her thoughts. "I wouldn't expect you to know."
"I do know, actually. I have had my magic taken away before."
"Funny. So have I." Morgana retorted. She could still remember that day like it was yesterday. She had known from the moment she caught sight of Emrys within the castle that everything was going to go wrong. She had everything planned out to the moment when Arthur and the others burst through the door. And her magic had failed right in front of him. Right in front of Merlin.
Something dark flashed across his face. "So you're used to the feeling, then?"
Morgana took a step forward, dragging her gaze over his face. "Not exactly. I don't think I ever will be."
Merlin followed, moving forward. His eyes flared and Morgana was staggering back at the sudden action. She'd never seen Merlin really use magic before. At least not as himself. But for some reason, seeing this was more terrifying than seeing the old man use magic. It was unnerving. She was still wrapping her head around the fact that Merlin, a useless servant, was Emrys.
The air in between them swirled and whipped up pieces of grass and leaves. Merlin pushed forward and the wind blew dangerously close to her eyes. Morgana sputtered and shielded her eyes as the storm calmed.
"I don't need your stupid lessons. Ascalon was doing fine."
"Ascalon is used to training younger Sidhe and emotionally competent people. You don't fit the mold, Morgana." Merlin said.
Morgana scowled. "How do you have your magic? You haven't used it in years."
"You can't lose your magic. You either have it or you don't. And you, unfortunately, have it. Now, do you want me to help you or not? I'm more than happy to let you suffer with Ascalon."
Morgana pressed her lips together, a sudden wave of anger crashing over her. Evidently, Merlin caught sight of the look on her face and smirked. An almost playful look washed over his face. "Come on, Morgana. You do have magic, no?"
Morgana scoffed. "I'm not doing this. I don't need your fucking help."
She turned to leave when Merlin called out again. "Never took you for a coward."
Morgana froze, her heart thumping in her ears. She glanced back to see Merlin's lips twitch ever so slightly. He arched a challenging eyebrow.
"I'm the coward?"
"You're the one who helped bring me back. Was that all for nothing or you actually going to talk to me?"
"It's been nearly a week and you're just now coming to talk to me."
"I'm sorry. I've been a bit busy with trying to cope with thousands of memories being shoved into my head at the same time." Merlin moved forward. "What's your excuse?"
Morgana met his eyes. "Why are you helping me anyways?"
Merlin shrugged. "I'm tired of this, Morgana. I know how it's like to be without your magic. It's like you've lost a part of yourself and it's terrifying. It makes you feel defenseless. Don't get me wrong, you still made many mistakes, but no one should go through that feeling. As selfish as it sounds."
"'I've made mistakes?'"
"I love how you chose to focus on that instead of anything else. Yes, you've made many mistakes. Here I was expecting an apology." Merlin snarked, his eyes twinkling with mischief that scared Morgana more than she'd like to admit.
Morgana snorted, moving forward. "An apology. For what? Doing what's right?"
"If you think that ruthlessly murdering anyone who thinks differently than you is right, then you and I need to have a long talk."
"Anything I did, was only because you were too much of a coward to do it." Morgana snarled. "You sat by and watched as our people died—"
"And killing more innocents was the way to fix that? Trying to take over an entire kingdom and murder your brother would help save them?" Merlin asked, his hands clenching instinctively.
"You know nothing. You're the one who left me. You're the one who abandoned me."
Merlin simply spread his arms. "I did. I pushed you away instead of doing what I could to make you feel safe. And I'm sorry."
"Sorry?" Morgana demanded. "Sorry doesn't fix anything. Sorry doesn't give back the years of my life wasted trying to fight for a lost cause."
Merlin was simply silent, watching her with a frown.
"You knew how I felt. You knew what it was like to be so alone and so afraid in a kingdom where you could be murdered simply for who you are. Did you think I was going to turn you in? I was going to go report my one and only friend to Uther to have you executed?"
Merlin's eyes widened, though there was something odd about the look on his face.
"Did you think that little of me? I know exactly what I became over the years. I know exactly how many people and families I destroyed trying to get the throne. And right now, part of me can't even fathom how angry I was back then. I wanted justice. I wanted to live in peace and you chose to back someone who didn't even fulfill their destiny rather than your own people."
"Morgana—"
Morgana continued, her voice rising with every word."Face it, Merlin. From the moment you turned me away when I came running to you in fear, from the moment you poisoned me all those years ago to now. I might have betrayed you, but you betrayed me first."
Merlin's eyes suddenly flared gold and he yelled a spell, dropping to the ground. The air around her went still. Morgana stumbled back. The leaves fluttered around her and she only just realized the destruction she had caused. The grass seemed to be ripped from its roots and the trees that lined the area were completely demolished. She had made a tornado.
Merlin cursed. "Jesus Christ, Morgana. Are you trying to destroy the entire island?"
Morgana sucked in a breath. She'd done magic. She did it.
"I told you this was a terrible idea." A voice drawled behind her and Morgana whirled around to see Lancelot. Behind him were the others, all shocked at the sudden storm.
"I didn't think she was going to demolish the entire place. I wanted a bit of magic, that's all." Merlin muttered, shaking himself off.
Morgana turned back around. "What?"
"That was magic, Morgana. You're welcome." Merlin gave her a dark look.
Morgana blinked down at her trembling hands. "I— oh my god."
She carefully whispered a spell and watched almost entranced as the wind picked up slightly, before dying down. "How— how the hell did you do that?"
Merlin brushed a hand through his hair. "Your magic is triggered by your emotions. I came here to try and get you angry. It wasn't really that hard. Speaking of which, we do need to talk about some of the things that you mentioned earlier."
Morgana dropped her hands, abruptly remembering that she was supposed to be angry at him. "Such as?"
"For one, I never betrayed you—"
"You tried to kill me—"
"I did but that wasn't because I wanted to, but because in the grand scheme of things, it would save thousands of innocent lives and so I did what I had to do. If anything, this is Morgause's fault. I had to bribe her with the antidote for her to lift the curse. It was nothing against you, I swear. You have to understand that."
Morgana stared back at Merlin. "What? Morgouse started the curse?"
"Yes. And you were the vessel. I had to kill you to stop the people of Camelot from dying."
"I— she never told me that. She said that you— that I—" Morgana broke off, her mind whirling. Morgause had lied. She said that Merlin was trying to kill her because of her magic. Now, thinking back, that was an absurd idea.
Merlin took a careful step forward. "I never wanted to hurt you. But it seems that that's all I ended up doing."
Morgana let out a bitter snort. "Right."
A sudden tense silence descended on them and Morgana could feel the presence of their audience. She swallowed and met Merlin's gaze. "Thank you for the—" Morgana waved her hands around. "—magic thing. I appreciate it."
"It was the least I could do. I would like it if you didn't kill anyone with it though." Merlin said, rocking back on his heels.
Morgana looked away, trying to quell the guilt and anger that swelled in her chest. "I'll try my hardest."
"The fact that you have to try is kind of concerning."
Morgana shot Merlin a look. "Well, I can't be held responsible for any actions I take against you."
Merlin suddenly smiled. "Of course. I do bring out the worst in you."
Morgana met his gaze. She let out a breath and nudged her magic forward, watching as Merlin yelped, staggering back. She found her lips curling up at the shocked look on his face. "Yeah. You do."
-0-o-0-
